Keith Foskey Standup Highlights

The Lottery Winner in Ponte Vedra and a Nervous Baptist

Recently in Ponte Vedra there was a lottery ticket that was sold and it was a winning lottery ticket and it won 1 .3 billion dollars. 1 .3 billion dollars was won by a lottery ticket in Ponte Vedra. First of all doesn't that just make you mad anyway?

Because if you're living in Ponte Vedra you probably already hit life's lottery at some point and yet you're getting 1 .3 billion dollars but the funny thing was no one came forward to claim the ticket and I thought about it I said why is it that no one's coming forward to claim this 1 .3 billion dollar ticket and I have a I have a theory.

I think the reason they're not coming forward is they're a nervous Baptist. They don't want their pastor to know they're playing a lottery and I have a solution as long as you promise you will tithe he won't care at all.

Social Media, TikTok, and the Idea of “Big Brother”

One of the things I do online and I do a lot through TikTok and through other social media outlets is I make fun of churches and I make fun of church distinctions because I've been a pastor for almost 20 years and I've been around it all.

I've seen all the crazy in the Pentecostal. I've seen all the crazy in the Baptist. I've seen all the crazy in the Catholic. I've seen all the crazy everywhere. One of the things that I find is that we're all a little crazy so if we can't make fun of ourselves and have a little bit of a good time then what good is it and one of the things that my friends will sometimes tell me maybe you've heard this they say you really shouldn't be on TikTok.

The reason you shouldn't be on TikTok according to them is that TikTok is Chinese spyware. You ever heard that? Somebody said TikTok is Chinese spyware. I said listen if there's gonna have to be Big Brother anyway I'd rather be somebody smarter than me because really what's going on my wife worked my wife taught English as a second language to Chinese students for three years and I'm telling you they're knocking it out of the park.

We're nowhere close. In fact I'm pretty sure TikTok is their way to keep us dumber because on their talk on their version of TikTok they're teaching like advanced calculus. On our version of TikTok nurses are getting fired because they're dancing while people die but here's the thing if we're gonna have Big Brother don't wouldn't you just want Big Brother to be smart wouldn't you want to do.

I mean you don't want a stupid Big Brother. You don't want the guy listening to your calls or watching your social media feed to be an idiot. You want him to be someone you can trust. I really believe if Chinese spyware is true at least there's a possibility that one day I might get a phone call and says hey yeah you messed up on your taxes be great.

Family, the Lottery, and the Meaning of a Billion

Going back to the lottery ticket thing. When we were having this discussion in my home about the lottery I had. By the way I'm not only a pastor. I'm a father of six kids. I have kids ranging in age from 25 down to one.

God is great and he's hilarious. 25 down to one. Six kids. I've got my own Brady bunch. Three boys three girls. They're all mine. By the way this is referencing my me for a minute. I am. I wear a suit coat and Crocs.

This is literally the mullet of outfits right here. Over 40 dads and medical workers are keeping Crocs in business. Praise the Lord. And I'm telling my daughter about this 1 .3 million dollar or billion dollar lottery and my kids don't play the lottery.

She's never played the lottery. But she thought about it for a minute and I got me nervous because she started really thinking. I was like what's he thinking about. And she looked at me. She's a sweetest girl.

I mean God love her. She's the best. She looked at me and she said daddy if I won the lottery I would pay off your house. And people say oh. I said baby I live in a double wife. If you and 1 .3 billion dollars I better live in a house that didn't once have wheels.

I better get a new house. A billion dollars. You realize how much a billion is. Have you ever thought about the distinction between million billion trillion. How long. How long is a million seconds. Anybody know.

A million seconds is 11 days. A million seconds is 11 days. At 11 .7 or something. It's 11 days. How long is a billion seconds. 31 years. The difference between a million and a billion is actually something that in our minds we can't really even calculate.

Ken Ham, the Ark Encounter, and the Scale of a Trillion

Here's the real fun part. How long is a trillion seconds. 31 ,000 years. Which means if you're a young earth guy like Ken Ham and you may not know who that is that means you don't even believe the earth has been around for a trillion seconds.

And if you don't get that that's a inside baseball kind of Christian. I see somebody who's Ken Ham. Ken Ham's a guy who built the ark up in Kentucky. He built his own Noah's Ark in Kentucky. I went and visited it.

It was great. The only part I didn't like about it is one side of it is the ark. But if you walk around on the other side it's a building. The ark is just a shell on the side of a building. I said man if you're gonna build an ark at least make it float.