Can A Spouse Make Themselves So Sexually Unattractive That You Are Right to No Longer Be Attracted?

Loving Your Spouse Well and Not Treating Them Like Garbage

If you want her to be attracted to you, talk to her, be nice to her, encourage her, don't just constantly criticize her. You have no one to blame but yourself that she's not sexually desirable to you because you treat her like garbage all the time, right?

And all you do is complain about her and fuss about her. You want her to want you? Like, come on.

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Salvation in Christ Alone and the Reality of Divine Judgment

The message of Christianity is that salvation is found in Christ alone, and any who reject Christ therefore forfeit any hope of salvation, any hope of heaven.

The issue is that humanity is in sin under wrath of Almighty God. And when the flood of divine judgment, when the fires of wrath come, they will be consumed and they will perish. God wrapped himself in flesh, condescended and became a man, died on the cross for sin, was resurrected on the third day, has ascended to the right hand of the Father where he sits.

The Question of Sexual Attraction in Marriage

Welcome to Bible Bash, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask. We're your hosts, Harrison Kerrigan and Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll answer the age-old question, can a spouse make themselves so sexually unattractive that you are right to no longer be attracted to them?

It's funny, Tim, we're recording this episode, and right before this, we were talking about this question, and you're kind of bringing me up to speed in terms of your kind of basic thoughts about it, and I was asking so many questions that in the middle of, after probably 20 minutes of just talking to you about this, in the middle of asking a question, I basically cut myself off and was like, actually, you know what, don't even answer that question.

We should just record this before I waste all my questions without even recording any of them.

Yeah, well, hopefully you didn't get them all out of your system, too.

Yeah, I'm really hoping that I didn't forget the ones that I've already asked you, because I felt like it was a pretty good conversation. I should have just hit record without even doing like an intro or anything and found a way to work it in, but yeah, hopefully this conversation will be as good as the one we were having off camera, but I do think it is an interesting question, and there are a lot of things to really consider here, and I think probably where I would want to start with this kind of conversation is I know when you ask this type of question, there's probably a lot of presuppositions that people already have about this kind of conversation, and they already have preconceived notions about the husband in this kind of situation and the wife in this kind of situation, and so maybe it would be good to just kind of flesh some of those out and expose those on the front end.

So when we're asking the question, can a spouse make themselves so sexually unattractive that you're right to no longer be attracted to them, a lot of people are going to immediately have a very intense and possibly volatile reaction to that kind of question, so in anticipation of that, what do you think that type of response looks like typically?

Yeah, well, I did a Twitter poll on this, and I think it was a week or two ago, and we definitely had a lot of those intense and visceral reactions to the question itself, and so I think when you think about a question like this, there's a lot of things that are feeding into it in general.

So you have the body positivity movement essentially that is demanding that we praise obesity as if it were a virtue almost, and there's this demand basically essentially that we basically universally praise anyone at any size and any discipline as it relates to size and weight and all that, so there's that kind of—.

Lest ye be fat-shamed, huh? Yeah, lest you be guilty of fat-shaming. So you definitely have a fat-shaming kind of discussion here where people get pretty bent out of shape. You also have a discussion that generally America in general, like if we just stay on the weight topic for a second, because that's where most people go in their minds, you know, America is significantly overweight now, and so we all have to figure out what we're going to do with that, and there is kind of a, just, we're not going to talk about this at all kind of element to this conversation, because of feminism—.

Yeah, basically, gluttony is not a sin anymore.

Gluttony is not a sin, and if it is a sin, we're just not allowed to talk about it, right? So there's that. Feminism basically has made it to where women in general no longer have any sort of expectation that they're going to attempt to make themselves pretty for their husband, right?

So the standard kind of universal reaction that many people have along those lines is just to say, like, I don't exist here just for your physical gratification, and there's almost a demand, you just, you must love me, appreciate me, desire me as I am, period, the end, no matter what that looks like, and so there's, like, feminism really in a lot of ways is a rejection of physical beauty, and it's, I mean, that's why, you know, the more that women get caught up in feminism, the uglier they get, because they're basically rejecting anything that could make them attractive, and, you know, embracing the exact opposite of it, you know, taking on character traits of a man, body styles, you know, dress, you know, manners, it's just, like, feminism is the, you know, the death blow to any kind of healthy, functioning relationship, so you have those kind of things, and then you have on the other end, like, there's kind of a double standard as it relates to some of these things related to biology, meaning, I mean, most men are just kind of, they have libidos, just to put it that way, that are operating kind of automatically, you know, guys have a mind of their own as it relates to those kind of things, and, you know, women are much less interested in this aspect of a relationship, and then if you're talking about sex as an expectation that is to be a part of a healthy marriage in general, there is just, that's a very taboo topic in general, you're not really even allowed to talk about that or go there, so you have, like, a sex expectation that is seen as, you know, handmaiden's tale, harsh, tyrannical, you have body positivity things that are feeding into this discussion, and then you have, you know, sort of a demand that a woman be validated and praised no matter what, so a lot of these things are related to just, you have a female reaction to this topic that is really asking a lot of people to suspend common sense and just normal, rational thinking, and then you have a lot of men who are caught up in this, who are basically making poor assumptions about what's actually happening in these moments, and, like, I think what you have is you have a lot of men who essentially have adopted a certain way of dealing with marital intimacy that's less than wonderful, and they have a plan that they've tried to execute and put into motion, and this kind of topic is running afoul of their plan in a variety of ways, and I would say that their plan is misguided in a variety of ways, so I mean, I think for both men and women, basically the basic assumption here is that, you know, what it means to be married is that you're supposed to just kind of find me attractive no matter what I do, right?

Take me as I am, you know, just love me, be attracted to me, and I think it's a lot more, like, imbalanced in the way of, you better find the woman attractive, whatever else you do, and then most women aren't finding their husbands very sexually attractive, and we all just kind of make our peace with it, right?

But what's actually happening is you have, like, men and women want different things, and both genders are kind of camping out, and I'm not going to try, but you just take me as I am, and then nothing, it's not really working very well, and no one knows why, you know, so that's some of the things that are feeding into.

This discussion. Okay, so when it comes to the title question, you know, if you had to give a yes or a no response, can a spouse make themselves so sexually unattractive, what is your answer to.

That then? Well, I think it's overwhelmingly and obviously yes. Yes, they can, so they can make themselves so unattractive that you are, and it's worded very strongly, that you are right to no longer be attracted to them.

I think the overwhelming and obvious answer is yes, and I mean, I used this on Twitter a few times, and I like the analogy, and I'm going to keep on using it, because it makes me laugh, but just to picture, I mean, you just have to picture a, you know, 500-pound man sitting there on the couch in his underwear with a shirt on with holes in it, and Cheeto stained fingers, you know, surrounded by bags of fast food, and who hasn't taken a bath in over a month, and you just try to picture that, and then try to put yourself in the position of the woman in that kind of encounter, and ask yourself, is she in sin for not being sexually attracted to him?

That's what you have to ask her, and then if you want to ask it even stronger, you say, is she right? Like, is that a picture of sexual attraction that she should be magnetically drawn to? Like, did her marriage covenant, you know, and part of her fundamental marriage commitments mean that God expects her to flip that switch on, you know, get that spark going, and get it to be a furnace, or should she be rightfully repelled by the odor, the stench, you know, all of it?

Like, should she just respond in horror and dread to that kind of thing, yes or no? So, I mean, like, love covers a multitude of sins, but does it cover all of them,.

You know? When you're 400 pounds, I don't know that love could cover you at that point. Is that too much to cover, right? You pull it over your chest, and then your toes are exposed.

Is there too much to cover at that point, you know? And so, I mean, I think, like, now, the point, though, is just to say that, all right, you bring it out to the extreme. So, this is an argument ad absurdum.

Bring it out to the extreme. I think there's, we all understand, like, if your wife didn't take a bath for a month, and didn't brush her teeth, and she's breathing on you death, you know, smells, you know, coming out of her breath, and, like, it's just the odor is, like, crawled up into your nose, and, like, you feel like you, like, the stench is literally clinging to your nostril hairs.

Like, there are things you can do to kill it. Yeah, it's just stuck in there. Like, the stench is, I mean, you've, you know, surely you've been around people like that, where the stench just lingers in the air like a cloud, and, you know, like, and then just imagine trying to respond to that.

And so, I mean, I think, like, we're embodied people, and we're meant to respond to things, and at a certain level of grossness, everyone understands what we're talking about. Now, my point isn't just to make fun.

My point is just to say there are things you can do to make yourself undesirable, whether you're talking about physically or relationally. And I think, like, so often men want desire from women, physical beauty and attractiveness, and women want from men, like, relational things, emotional needs, or relational desires, emotional desires.

And what's often happened is you have, like, a man who is essentially just saying, I'm not going to make any effort to be the kind of person that you actually find attractive, and I'm just going to demand that you, your body responds to me sexually, despite the fact that I'm approaching you in a way that you find to be repelling.

I, you know, I spent all day long ignoring you, not talking to you, right? And then the only time I show you physical affection is when I want something from you. And so, you know, you have a lot of guys who basically just treat their wife like a warm body, essentially, and ignore them and demean them, and just, you know, and then they expect him to turn it on in these moments.

And for their wife, it's like, they're looking at, like, if you can imagine them trying to feel attracted to that 500-pound man on the sofa with the Cheeto-stained fingers who hadn't taken a bath in a month.

Like, that's what their libido is doing. It's, like, recoiling at the thought of being with the man. So the man's not making any effort. And then the same way on the other end, you have, like, ladies who aren't, like, making any effort whatsoever.

And then you have two people not making any effort, basically just playing on the safety and security that comes from a marriage commitment. You know, so, you know, basically just saying, hey, you're stuck with me, man.

This is what you got, right? So just enjoy it. And then neither one of them, like, so then the encounters, they aren't going the way that everyone pictured they would go before they got married. And no one knows what it's about, you know, because what's happening is there's, like, this expectation that you are commanded by God no matter what I do to be attracted to me.

But then typically, you know, what's actually happening in the moment is, because men have stronger libidos than women, what's actually happening is the wives are typically just totally repelled by the husband for the most part because they're not trying in a way that their wife wants them to try.

And not all of that is just, like, be a mind reader and be a Hallmark chatbot, you know, Hallmark movie chatbot, romantic chatbot, rom-com chatbot for me. Some of it's just they're not trying. And then the man, his, you know, his libido is just doing its thing, mind of its own.

But then, you know, she has a bad attitude. She's not trying. And then all that's happening is just, you know, the end result is both people are just kind of going through the motions and saying, I guess we have to do this in order to be faithful kind of thing.

And it's not what it's meant to be. And so, like, so the point is just to say, yes, at a certain level, you can, you can, you can, if neither one of you are trying, like there's a breaking point somewhere where it all falls apart, right?

So, so yes, you can do that. And yes, definitely your right to no longer be attracted to them at a certain point of neglect and care, you know. But, you know, what, unfortunately, what people hear when you say something like that is they, they hear instant.

So if I'm not like a fitness, Instagram fitness model, or if I'm not like a mind reader, Hallmark, rom-com chatbot, then, you know, then you're not going to be attracted to me. And there's something that feels wrong about that.

So maybe we can, you can say, Hey, like we're talking about extremes here, right? Yeah. So at a certain level of lack of care, you get to a point where you have forfeited the right to be sexually attracted to the other person.

And maybe.

You need to work a little bit to get there. Yeah. And I, I assume there are probably people out there who, who probably hear you saying, okay, once your spouse gets to that point, you know, it's okay to, you know, commit some kind of like adultery, whether it be actual literal adultery or adultery in the heart.

Right. And, and so, sure. You know, obviously you're not saying that. Right. Right. But you still have a marriage covenant that you have to honor. Right. And, and I, so, but what we're talking about at this point is we're talking about like bodily responses.

Okay. Do you get what I'm saying? Fill it out some. So what we're.

Talking about is bodily responses that aren't as simple as just turning off and on like a light bulb. Right. So, you know, like if a man makes himself detestable to a woman, I mean, I counsel plenty of people in this kind of situation where the woman just hates everything about sexual intimacy with her husband and nothing like nothing is working, you know, like nothing work, nothing is working whatsoever.

And she doesn't know how to turn it on. So I think there's things you can do to grow your desire, sexual desire for a spouse. There's things you can do to throw a wet blanket on it, so to speak, your sexual desire, but it isn't the kind of thing that you can just shut off and on.

So I think you're responsible for it. You can, you can do things to poison it. You can do things to grow it. Right. But then they, your spouse can do things to poison it. And your spouse can do things to grow it too.

You get what I'm saying? So it's like, it's not just like it goes both ways. So, so what I'm not talking about is if what I'm talking about is like at a certain point, if you're, you know, you can be throwing water on that fire yourself and they can be throwing water on that fire itself.

And at a certain point, if both of you are throwing water on that fire itself, it just dies. Right. Right. So, and most of the time it dies for the woman a lot quicker than it does for the man. Okay. And so what's happening is like, it, it's dead for her has been dead for her for years.

He's still, you know, somehow it's still working. Right. But at a certain point, like you, if you're both keep on sabotaging this thing, it's going to stop working in both ways. And then it's not just, you know, and this is what a lot of people on Twitter were basically pointing out where you're just commanded to have sex anyways.

Right. Right. So even if you're not attracted, it's like, yeah, but that only works if you're the man whose parts working, do you get what I'm saying? Like, like meaning, like, if you lose it, what are you going to do?

Just stare at each other? You know, like, like, what do you do then? You know, if it's like, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

And when you're saying it doesn't work, you mean just literally, like it does,.

It literally does not perform the function. Right. So, yes. I mean, so like, for like,.

That's the thing. I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to be, you know, overly graphic. Yeah.

No, but at a certain point of everyone, like killing the thing, it stops working. So that's a real thing, right? That's a real thing. Yeah. So, I mean, like when men gain, like, you know, when men gain like a couple hundred pounds or something, like their libido stopped working, they stopped working, you know?

Like, so if, if you want it to actually work, you need to be in reasonable proportion or it's not going to work. So you can sabotage this thing. When men look at porn a lot, they start getting a porn induced erectile dysfunction because they're training themselves to be dissatisfied with their spouse.

Right. So the longer you look at porn, the more that you're killing it because you're training yourself in dissatisfaction, the more weight you get, you're killing it. Right. But then the same thing, it can be true in the other way.

So, you know, if you're looking at your spouse, who hasn't taken a bath in a month and is 500 pounds on the couch, like it's at some point, biology is going to come up with coming at some hard limits and like, it's just like, it's going to be hard, you know?

And it's not just a matter of just make it work. You can't, you get what I'm saying? Yeah. I think there's ways you can grow this, you know, make, there's ways that you can help. Okay. That's a fortunate word, grow the desire.

You can help. But the point there is just to say that, Hey, you know, like you can,.

You can sabotage it. But yeah. So now you're saying, okay, everything that you're talking about right there is more just, we're talking about like, you know, like you said, biological realities. Right.

But then the question is, like you said, even earlier, you know, are you right? So that right is implying some sort of like moral aspect to it. Sure. So in terms of like a, you know, I understand from like a physical, from like a logical, yeah.

Like it, it, it eventually, you know, when you hit that, that 500 pound mark, you know, it's, it's, it stops, it goes away. Right. But then we're, if we're talking about morality, is there some kind of, is there some kind of like Bible verse that we're working with here?

Some kind of command, like for example, you know, if, if the dude's 500 pounds, he's a glutton, right? Sure. He's probably lazy too. Right. So there we have clear commands, not necessarily pertaining to the attraction part of it, but just literally like, dude, you eat too much food and you, you don't ever go work outside or something.

So we have like a clear command there. So when you're saying, Hey, the spouse is right to not be attracted anymore. Is there some kind of like a place in scripture that you point to, to say like, here's where, you know, here's where your spouse is absolutely breaking a command and are not upholding what they promised when they married you basically.

Yeah. I guess you can go a different direction. So one, you're asking, you're asking about like your right to no longer be attracted to them. But then, then the other question you're asking is, is there a place where the Bible commands them to take reasonable care for care for themselves?

Yeah. Specifically for their spouse. Yeah.

Well, yeah. I mean, well, I guess dealing with the latter, I mean, no one hated his own flesh, but he nourishes it, cares for it. Right. So you can show utter contempt for your flesh. And if you show utter contempt for your body, you should expect that at certain level, everyone else is going to show the same respect that you seem to be showing.

So, I mean, that's just a logical corollary, but I mean, I, I don't know that you have to kind of overthink this one. Okay. Meaning I mean, just what is love for neighbor demand? You get what I'm saying?

Like, what, what does it mean to like, what does it mean to love your neighbor? Like, is it like, so like if a man just refuses to take a shower for a month, is that loving to his wife to like be a cloud of stench?

I mean, that would be up into her nostrils. That would definitely be unpleasant.

So, but if you know that that's unpleasant, like God's created the world in such a way that like bad odors are bad. Right. Right. Right. So we all know this, like, so we have an expectation that you're not going to like fart in your wife's face or something like that, or fart in bed.

Like if you want her to be attracted to you, you can do things to gross her out. Right. Right. So God's made us in such a way that we have like senses, right? We have a sense of touch. You have sense of sight, you have sense of smell, like we're embodied people.

Right. So you can, you can make it as hard as you possibly can on someone. Sure. Right. To where it's just like, love me if you want, man. No, I don't brush my teeth. Right. Like, why would I brush my teeth?

You know, I'm too lazy to do that. It's like, well, I smell your breath across the room. You know, like you want me to desire you and all I can smell is the Doritos you just ate.

Yeah. I mean, like Song of Solomon, you know, they talk about like, um, and I think in the Proverbs too, now in the Proverbs, they're talking about like women of ill repute who are, you know, spicing their sheets to make themselves more enticing.

Right. So, so it's obvious.

Queen Esther had beauty preparations that she engaged in.

So it's obvious that there is like a, um, there's good and then there's not so good.

Right. Right. So now, I mean, you can look at the descriptions you find in Song of Solomon and, you know, that they're, um, descriptions that are meant to be flattering. Right. Yeah. Um, so, I mean, you can be loving to your spouse and give them the best.

I, I mean, there, there's some line, you know, and I don't get why people kind of go there in their mind, like with this kind of thing, but there's like, um, like some people just take on this puritanical, I must, you know, be perfect for my spouse in their mind.

I mean, no one, very few people do that. What they, they hear when anyone says you need to hold yourself to some reasonable standard, because it's just not loving to let yourself completely go. Right.

Everyone here is in that moment. Like you're expecting them to be an Instagram model, but it's like, no, I mean, like if you actually love them, why wouldn't you, like, why don't you try your best for them?

You know, like not, they're not be perfect, but why wouldn't you try some, you know, so what, what happens is everyone knows how these things work before marriage, before marriage, everyone gets in shape and tries as hard as they're going to try.

And like, this is what I am. Right. And then after you get married, then it's like, well, now that you're stuck with me, I'm going to give you the worst version of myself. I can finally get fat now, like the, like that meme or whatever, but it's like, that's like, that's, you're just, you're abusing this relationship.

You want to give them something that they can enjoy. Like, you don't want to make it as hard as possible for themself.

And you. So part of it. So basically are you just saying it's, it's not loving to be the person who looks at their, you know, like, I don't know that everyone does this, but say hypothetically your spouse is like, Hey, you know here's a, here's like a short and for the sake of the hypothetical, we'll say a reasonable list of things that I'm, I'm generally attracted to.

Right. So like dressing nice, you know right. Smelling at least. Okay. You know, hair brushed that, that kind of thing. Um, you know, if you're, if your spouse were to look at that list and say, I am not going to follow any of these because, you know, I don't want to, or I'm even offended that like you would, you would dare demand any of these things of me.

Then at that point, you're not really loving your spouse anymore. But not only you're not, or at least in this area, you're lying here, you've deceived them. Okay. Okay. Okay. What do you mean? Oh, like, like just because you know, you're one thing before marriage and then you turn into.

Something else. I know plenty of people like that, who they're one thing before marriage. So everyone knows what's attractive before marriage. Everyone knows. And that's why you do it. Like you try to put yourself, I think most reasonable people, you think if I'm going to get married, I have to present myself in the best possible way in order to get this thing to work.

And then what happens is after you get married, you just say, who cares anymore? Right. You're stuck with me. Right. So what you did was you just deceived the poor person, right? Like you bamboozled them, you like presented yourself as one way.

And that wasn't what you are. And now that they're stuck with you, you don't care anymore. Right. So like that's whatever that is, it's not integrity. It's not honesty, but then the thing is, we all know what's attractive.

Right. We all know like it sells, right. You get what I'm saying? We all know what attractiveness is and the Bible doesn't deny those things. So, I mean, you look at like the descriptions of beauty throughout the Bible, you know, Rachel was said to be beautiful in both form and appearance.

We know what that means. It doesn't mean egg-lon. She looked like egg-lon. Right. Like that's not what it meant. Okay. You know, Song of Solomon, they're not describing some, you know, 800 pound person, you know.

Yeah. Yeah. Song of Solomon. You know,.

It's probably safe to assume that, you know, maybe some of the descriptions are at least a little bit exaggerated, but then they're not, there's some like reality, there is some truth.

To them. Right. Well, yeah, I think that they're, I think men and women are made to be attractive to, attracted to each other's form and that, you know, God's designed human beings to look a certain way.

And we all have like an ideal proportions that we as individuals should have. Right. Sure. So, there's some kind of ideal there. And I think there's a lot of grace there that goes, you know, to where like you can gain a little weight and it's like, oh, well, that's a different shape now and that's enjoyable in a different way.

So, there's a lot of grace, you know, that you can think about as it relates to some of these things. Are you referring to the dad bod? Is that what you're talking about? Maybe prior to the dad bod, there's a lot of, you know, but I mean, even that, I mean, there, you know, there's, I think some of that.

The market for the dad bod is growing, man. There's some of that that can be forgivable, you know, to where it's like attraction is not all about that. It's about other things, but I'm just trying to say that we all know, like in general, that human beings are designed to look a certain way.

And the more that you just, I mean, it's just like a car, man, you know, you take a car and you have a really nice car and you take a sledgehammer to it and put a few dents in it. It's like, oh, you got a few dents in it, right?

But I mean, you can trash the thing, right? To where it's no longer recognizable as a car anymore. And so, I think what's happening with Song of Solomon is not like some demand that you have to have some perfect sparkly car or something.

I think like if you really love someone, you care about someone and you're interested in their character, like you're just made to be attracted to people of the opposite sex, man, you know? And a lot of it's just, it's not lying.

You're not lying. You're just saying, I like what I got, right? But you can trash the thing. And at some point it's just like, man, we got to try a little more, you know? So, I think part of it's like you're, part of it is like if you just totally just don't try, whether relationally for the woman, physically, like man meeting a woman's relational desires, woman meeting man's physical desires, if no one's trying at all, it's not loving because you probably deceived them, right?

You presented yourself one way before marriage in order to get them and then you, you know, surprise, here's who I really am. I don't care about you at all. All that was about was me getting stuff from you, right?

Safety and security. It wasn't, I loved you and I want to give something good to you. It was, I wanted to take from you, right? Selfishness. So, there's that. But then I think the more that you abuse the design that God has made us to have, the more that at a certain point, like we're not meant to be attracted to vices, right?

So, we're told to love the good and hate the evil. And if someone looks like, you know, they're three or four stages past morbid obesity, like you should be repelled by sin, right? You should be repelled by sin.

You should be repelled by a lack of care and a lack of concern, you know, and, and God's made us in such a way that there are some things that are objectively disgusting, right? Like the bad breath and the, you know, not bathing and the, like, so meaning you have bodily senses and if you just want to, like, you can, you can offend those at every single point or you can take some care for.

Yourself basically. Does that make sense? Yeah. Now, here's a question that I didn't ask you before, but I wanted to ask. The Bible says, you know, beauty fades, right? It doesn't last forever in a fallen world.

So, what, how does this apply to marriages that, you know, the husband and wife are getting older? Eventually you just get, you know, most normal people, I mean, I'm sure there, there's people out there who, you know, they age gracefully or whatever.

But I mean, most normal people, they just, they just don't look as good as they did, you know, in their fifties compared to when they were 25, right? So, you know, what, what does this look like for couples who are, you know, who are aging and who are, who are getting to that point where.

They start to realize, like, beauty does fade? Sure. Yep. So, I think sexual intimacy should be a normal part of marriage. And I think for a lot of couples, they're making certain choices to make it as hard as possible from the very start.

Sure. Right. So, they're making it as hard as possible from the very start, but, you know, they could, this part of their marriage could be a normal, healthy part of their marriage for a lot longer if they would maintain, you know, normal proportions and keep themselves in reasonable shape.

So, this could be a part of their marriage that could be enjoyable. What's happening is you just have couples who are sabotaging it from the start. They're sabotaging it all the way through. Yeah. When they're 25, they're sabotaging it.

Yeah. They've started sabotaging it at 25 or even before, right? And then, you know, by the time that, like, they're in their mid thirties, they're just like totally in a sexless relationship. Flame died out.

It's just, what's that? The flame died out. It's dead. But it's like, you know, I know couples who were in their seventies who still have a normal, healthy sex life because they keep themselves in reasonable shape.

And, I mean, they're not Instagram models either, you know. I would imagine that. Yeah. So, like, the thing is, the more that you grow as a couple together, like, these things are tied together. So, like, charm is deceitful.

Beauty is fading. A woman who fears the Lord will be praised. We're all getting older. You know, we all are getting wrinkles. You may not be at the wrinkle stage yet, but I'm starting to get them. Um, you know, things happen, you know, and, but like, if you can kill attraction in a variety of ways.

So, like, you know, there should be like a safety that comes from, like, two people getting lumpy together. And, but like, that's not going to happen if you start out your beginning of your marriage with, uh, I could care less about being attractive to you whatsoever.

I don't want to, I'm not even trying, take me as I am. I hate this part of our marriage, whatever else, like, and I don't want anything to do with it. I guess, just try to enjoy me if you can. Like, you can have that kind of posture, but all you've done there is you've just like, um, you're not putting on the character of like true beauty that the Bible describes.