Proverbs 10:19 "You Talk Too Much"

Proverbs 10:19 and the Problem of Talking Too Much

You talk too much. We're working our way systematically through the book of Proverbs and we're pausing at each new theme as it's presented and then exploring other verses that are related to the main theme that we're coming to.

This morning we're addressing the topic of the use of the tongue. The opening text is Proverbs 10 19 which says, When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Shane, you can start that now. All right, I think that's enough, Shane. I think everybody gets the idea. Okay, you talk too much. The message of the song as well as the message of scripture is excessive talking can lead to trouble.

There's an old expression came out of World War II, loose lips sink ships. And they used to have that posted in all the secure locations throughout the country during the war. The idea was very simple.

Be careful what you say. You never know who's listening. Major investigations have been compromised by loose-lipped officers. How many times do you read in the newspaper an unknown source or a source who wished to remain anonymous?

Smack him right upside the head. On the other hand, wise investigators make good use of this principle in the reverse. Keep a suspect talking and he will sooner or later betray himself. So be careful if you're ever interrogated by the police.

The scriptures say that a closed mouth man is a wise man. And that how you control your tongue is a test of faithfulness. James 1 26. If anyone thinks himself to be religious and yet does not bridle his tongue, deceives his own heart, then look what it says.

This man's religion is worthless. Those are strong words. So we need to be attentive when we hear teaching about the tongue. And disregarding this teaching is a form of self-deception. Look at what James says again.

If a man claims he's religious, doesn't bridle his tongue, he deceives himself. Remember, the heart is who you are. So now Proverbs addresses the use of the tongue rather frequently, which tells us the importance of it as well.

In fact, several of our studies in Proverbs have already addressed the use of the tongue. By the way, this is our 32nd Saturday morning addressing Proverbs, and we're only up to chapter 10. This morning, though, we approach the subject of the tongue from a different perspective than we have addressed it before.

Because Proverbs not only addresses the quality of our words, in other words, what we are saying, in other words, are our words unkind, ungodly, are they self-centered? We've discussed all of those issues in previous Proverbs.

But Proverbs also addresses the quantity of our words. So we're going to be looking at both the quality and the quantity of our words. Look again at Proverbs 1019. When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Now notice, in this proverb, it's not even addressing the quality of, you know, it's not addressing what you're saying. It's just, do you talk too much? Do you not know when to keep your mouth shut? There's some people that have the need to talk whether they have something to say or not.

We've all been there, hopefully not on the aggressive part, but the listening part. Sooner or later, that person gets himself into trouble. Sooner or later, that person sins. You know the type of person, they always have to have the last word.

This is the type of person who has an opinion on everything, whether he knows anything or not. He's got an opinion on it. It's always been there, done that. Always one just has to talk. You talk too much, you worry me to death.

We'll see later on that Proverbs refers to this man as a fool. And remember, in Proverbs, when it talks about a fool, it's a moral judgment, not an intellectual one. It is the wise man who can refrain from talking when it's unnecessary to talk.

Proverbs says, when it comes to words, more isn't always better. The fact is, these two concepts are often pitted against each other in the book of Proverbs. The quality of a few well-spoken words versus the abundance of foolish words.

Proverbs 15 .2, the tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly. The words that the proverbian uses are very interesting. Notice, the tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable.

In other words, he looks for the right words to use. The mouth of the fool just spouts, pours out. The wise man makes good use of his few words, but the fool gushes forth his folly. I worked with a detective who was attacked somewhat by the defense attorney on the stand because of his abundance of words.

He couldn't get things down, boil them down to just the facts. And in fact, he was referred to as a gushing sewer. And that was in the court record. Notice the words that Proverbs uses to describe the fool's speech.

The heart of the neighbor ponders, the righteous ponders how to answer, and the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things, pours out, gushes. So Proverbs says, when it comes to words, more isn't better, and they should be appropriate words.

But sometimes, even a few words are too many, which leads to my next point, which is an old adage, silence is golden. In other words, there are times when it's best to say nothing. Even entering into a conversation may not be the most prudent thing to do.

Proverbs 11, verse 12, he who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent. He who goes about as a tailbearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.

Here's an interesting point. Just because you know something doesn't mean you have to tell it to someone else. Remember this too, and this is a very important point, the tailbearer is not necessarily telling lies.

We have a tendency to think of a gossip or a there's somebody who's lying. It may not be lying, it may be the truth, but it doesn't necessarily need to be said. Revealing a matter to an uninterested party may be just as bad.

And when I, uninterested, I'm using that in a legal sense. I'm not saying that they're saying, hey, no, you got to listen to this. Uninterested, I mean, is somebody who's not vested or has no standing.

There's no reason that this person should be brought into the conversation. Yeah, gossip, tailbearing is the same thing. And again, just, it may not be telling a lie, but, you know, just because you can say something doesn't mean you should.

Proverbs 12 .23, a prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims folly. There's a principle in the military and also in police work, in investigative, it's what we call a need to know.

And frequently, when I was, when I worked in homicide, we'd have somebody come by, knowing that we're working on a, maybe a big homicide case, it's a big splash in the paper. And so we get people walking by the office, they say, hey, Sarge, what can you tell me about that case?

Nothing. He says, what do you mean, nothing? I said, do you have a need to know? Well, no, I just want to know. Well, that's not a need to know. It doesn't make you the most popular guy in town, but it does keep the integrity of the case intact.

Many, many a case has been leaked to the press by somebody who just wanted to appear knowledgeable to the reporters. So the scripture actually teaches this principle of confidentiality. It's built into Matthew 18.

Remember what Matthew 18 is all about. If your brother offends you, what's the admonition of scripture? Go to him in private. And if you can settle it right there, then nobody else needs to know. If you can't settle it with him alone, take two or three witnesses with you.

All right. And then eventually, if it can't be dealt with, it may have to come to the whole congregation. But the idea is, keep things handled at the most confidential source as is possible. All right.

So even the scripture teaches this principle, that silence is golden. To be silent just may be the wisest choice. Proverbs 17, verse 27. He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

You want to be cool? You didn't think the Bible addressed what it meant to be cool. You want to be cool? Keep your mouth shut. Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise. When he closes his lips, he is counted prudent.

Even a fool. If a fool knows enough to keep his mouth closed, he's taking the first step towards wisdom. This is a concept that even non-believers have picked up on. When I was in college, my physics professor had a saying that he imparted to the class.

He said, it's better to keep your mouth shut and appear a fool than to open it and prove it. So a little twist on the biblical proverb, but very wise nonetheless. There's also another reason to guard your mouth.

Christians are called to be peacemakers, and that's not a passive command. It takes action to be a peacemaker. In fact, it's a lot of trouble to be a peacemaker. And guarding the tongue will help keep the peace.

So let's just look for a few seconds here on how one can keep the peace. Look at the impact of talking out of turn. Proverbs 18 .8. The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels. They go down into the innermost parts of the body.

It's in the fallen nature of man to enjoy gossip. Look how Proverbs describes it. Describes gossip as dainty morsels. I love the words that they use in Proverbs, the wise men use. Then look at the effect of it.

It's a dainty morsel. And what does it do? It goes down to the innermost parts of the body. In other words, it impacts the soul. Gossip is so subtle that you may not even realize that it has an effect on you.

When you know something that maybe you shouldn't know, or you're getting a skewed view of it, that's going to impact the way you think, and may even impact the things that you do. So step one in keeping the peace is very easy.

Avoid gossiper. Proverbs 20 verse 19. He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with the gossip. I love the simplicity of the book of Proverbs. We're told a lot of times just don't do it.

We have to guard our hearts, guard our tongues. You want to avoid being party to gossip? Avoid the gossip. And of course, don't be a gossiper yourself. So do not associate with the gossip. Three quick reasons.

These are just quick off the top of my head. Well, they were when I wrote it anyway. Three quick reasons to avoid gossips. First, you'll be affected negatively by them. Okay. Second, you'll pick up their bad habits.

And third, and this is an important one, in your absence, you may become the dainty morsel. You think that the person who's revealing secrets of somebody else to you is doing you a favor? What makes you think that they're not going to reveal your secrets to somebody else?

So how does it feel to be a dainty morsel? Step two in keeping the peace is responding to gossip biblically. Proverbs 25, 23, the north wind brings rain and a backbiting tongue and angry countenance. You realize what that proverb is saying?

It's using the example of a storm. Now, and this is something that we hear on Long Island. Everybody should be familiar. Everybody's familiar with the nor 'easter. We get pummeled by nor 'easters, you know, in the right season.

All right. As a nor 'easter brings rain, a backbiting tongue brings an angry countenance. What is that saying? Gossip will provoke indignation in you. At least it should. That's what an angry countenance means.

Look at the practical advice of Proverbs. Number one is we've already learned this morning how to be cool. Now it says sometimes it's justified to give somebody a dirty look. That's what it's saying. If you're a party to gossip, it should offend you.

And a dirty look is okay. Anybody disagree with that? Everybody got very quiet at that one. Why was that? It should, in other words, if you're listening to gossip, it should affect your countenance. It should have a negative impact on you.

You should be offended by it to the point that you automatically feel anger at what this person is saying. Just as surely as the nor 'easter brings rain, it's going to bring anger and angry countenance.

Step three in keeping peace, take the fuel away. Proverbs 26, 20. For lack of wood, the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention quiets down. Like charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.

So what's the way to keep peace? Don't listen to the gossip. If the gossip, if the gossiper has no one to gossip to, he can't gossip. And that's why the person who listens to gossip is equally guilty to the person who is speaking gossip.

Because you need to keep in mind, even the gossip, even if the gossiper is rebuked, doesn't mean that he's going to repent and stop what he's doing. So you separate yourself from the gossiper and you'll no longer be a party to it.

So just walk away and the gossiper will lose the opportunity that he's craving. Taming the tongue. Again, Proverbs deals with this issue extensively. But not just Proverbs, remember the epistle of James.

James 1, 19. This you know, my beloved brother, that everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. And then we don't have time to explore this, the entire book of James, of course.

So let me just remind you that James likens the tongue to a raging fire. Who can control it? Anybody ever be involved with, close by with a raging fire? It's not fun. You can't control it. And look at the wildfires that get out in the West.

Oh, we even had one up in Canada just a year or so ago. And look at the effect that it had. With all the advanced firefighting equipment, a raging fire. And that's likened to the uncontrolled tongue. And then James also compares it to a ship's rudder and a horse's bit.

Slightly different context. The tongue is small, but it controls the whole thing, the impact of the tongue. The definitive answer to taming the tongue is to recognize the heart-mouth connection. Remember Jesus when he was rebuked by the Pharisees for eating foods that were defiled?

And his answer was, no, that's not what's going to defile a person, not what goes into the mouth. They don't defile, but the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.

A fool is a man who thinks he can control his own heart. A wise man has God in control of his heart. Proverbs 29 11, a fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back. How does the wise man tame his tongue?

By being renewed in the spirit of your mind, put on the new self, which is in the likeness of God, has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. Bottom line, you must be born again. And then you must be in the spirit, working out your salvation with fear and trembling, going through the sanctification process.

Put on the new self. Also, by following the example of our Lord. In 1 Peter 2 21, for you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in his steps, who committed no sin, nor is any deceit found in his mouth.

How about that? No deceit found in his mouth. And while being reviled, did not revile in return. While suffering, he uttered no threats, but kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously. When you feel that you've been wronged, don't you just always have the, I just have to tell people, Christ didn't.

And sometimes, remember, silence is golden. Sometimes it's just the best thing is to just zip it. In conclusion, one last scripture, Leviticus 19, verses 16 to 18. You shall not go about as a slanderer among your people.

You are not to act against the life of your neighbor. I am the Lord. You shall not hate your fellow countrymen in your heart. You may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him.

You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. Right from the law of God. Questions? Now, this is the time to open your mouth.

I know maybe that'd be asking a lot after seeing a whole. Proverbs has a definitive answer to that. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him. Don't answer a fool according to his folly.

You know what I mean? What's the bottom line? It takes wisdom. You have to evaluate each of the circumstances and ask yourself, by my saying something, am I going to remedy, help remedy this situation, or am I just going to add to it and give the person a platform?

So it really takes one, and one of the other points that comes up, do you have a standing to rebuke somebody? That's like if you're sitting in an auditorium and a politician is speaking, and you know he's spouting lies, do you have the standing to stand up in the middle and say, you're a liar?

Maybe yes, but are you going to accomplish godliness by what you're doing? And that's got to be the key too, doing what is right, as opposed to, you know, are you personally offended? So there is no simple answer to that question, and that's why those two Proverbs are back to back.

You know, they seem to be contradictory, but they're right next to each other. I think it's Proverbs 26, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, you see that a lot with marriages, you know, where a woman will share with her best friend, you know, the trouble that she's going through with her husband, all right, and then they reconcile.

Meanwhile, her girlfriend still hates her husband. That's why one of the principles of Christianity is you don't vent. Psychology says, oh, some people just need to vent their frustration. It always comes back to haunt you.

Well, yeah, you also have the the problem that you're only hearing one side of the story, you know. Proverbs says, the first to plead his case seems right until another comes and examines him. I mean, that's the whole principle of our legal system, is that it's adversarial so that you get to hear both sides of the story.

And you can tell a story and relate facts, but just in how it's related and what you may omit or not even adding in, you know, make it seem like you're correct and yet be absolutely wrong. Yeah, right.

I don't know offhand, but it's that's almost a direct quote, you know, the first to plead his case seems right until another. I don't know the proverb off the top of my head. Yeah. Yeah. And again, a lot of these concepts have to do with with personal issues and not there's a whole different set of issues, for example, like for the eldership of the church acting in their official capacity.

You know, they may they may have to go in and tell somebody, no, you have to tell me what's going on here. That's that's a different situation. Situation. And I hope everybody realizes that, you know, when you talk about the Sermon on the Mount, that's not instructions for running a country.

All right. You don't have to turn your cheek. If somebody nukes you, you don't have to say, all right, turn, you know, New York. Now you can do California. Well, maybe you should do California. Edit that out.

No, the Sermon on the Mount is personal behavior. How does a person live in the kingdom of God, live righteously in the kingdom of God? OK, John, would you close this in a word of prayer?