Book Review: Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll

Conversations That Matter

Subscribe

Download

Share

00

00:07

Hey everyone, this is John from rornomore .blogspot .com, and today

00:13

I want to talk about a book I just actually listened to, an audiobook called

00:20

Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll and his wife. Now, to preface this review off,

00:27

I agree with most of the things Mark Driscoll says in general. His theology, he's reformed in his thinking as far as the

00:36

Calvinism and the doctrines of grace, which I appreciate that he's, for the most part, he's biblical, he wants things based on scripture.

00:44

That's great. You know, his style, I could take or leave, but I guess

00:49

I can see there's a benefit in some ways that younger audiences feel perhaps more comfortable, he's more relevant to them maybe they feel.

01:00

I'm at least open to that possibility that it may be true, but in general

01:06

I'm just saying I appreciate the ministry of Mark Driscoll. Now then, while I do appreciate it, after reading this book,

01:15

I don't really know what to think of it. There's some things

01:22

I like about it, and there's some things I really don't particularly care for about it. And I'm going to write a review about it, and I want to do some research before I write it.

01:34

I want to, I already read Tim Challey's, he had a review on the book, which I thought was excellent. But I want to read,

01:40

John MacArthur also has a whole, a series of articles about the Song of Solomon, and shows how

01:46

Mark Driscoll basically takes things out of context, or misrepresents exactly what the point of the book is.

01:52

So I really want to look at those articles first, examine the Song of Solomon for myself, and then

01:57

I'm going to write a review. And the link will be right below this video, in the sidebar here, the info section.

02:04

So just click on that if you want, in fact click on that now if you don't want to listen to me ramble for a little bit more longer.

02:10

But I am going to ramble, so here's my initial impression since I just finished it. I wouldn't recommend it.

02:18

I think that it is a little bit, it just feels to me, it's explicit in some areas.

02:25

I think it brings up sexual positions and things that, there might maybe even some people out there that haven't even thought of them.

02:34

In our culture, you know, I think most people have probably, especially with pornography and everything, they've heard of most of the things that Driscoll talks about.

02:42

But there could be definitely some people out there that have not been exposed to the level of description that Mark Driscoll gives to certain sexual acts.

02:55

And in his chapter on whether a husband and wife can do certain things if they're permissible or not, man

03:01

I just, I think he probably would have been better if he didn't write that chapter.

03:08

And I understand what he's trying to do. He is trying to answer questions that he gets all the time.

03:15

But I don't know if this book is for every married couple, if that's true.

03:22

I have read other books on marriage that go into sexuality and do so in a far more helpful, beneficial way, linking it with more with I guess a

03:32

Christian foundation, with the gospel and stuff. Looking at it in a positive framework of, you know, why it's good and what should be done, not specifically, but they encourage experimentation in the bedroom and so forth, but more with the idea of you are designed to please each other and leave it at that.

03:51

Whatever pleases the other person, leave it at that. Mark Driscoll goes into the details of what's permissible and what's not and I just don't think that's really that helpful.

04:02

And I guess the reason I think that is because this is a private thing.

04:08

This is between a husband and wife. It's up to them for their own exploration and enjoyment. It's not,

04:15

I think it's the same kind of thing with pornography. If you watch pornography a lot and you start getting ideas of, really false ideas about how women act and should act, they don't really act that way, but you start to have expectations and there's no adventure there.

04:34

There's no exploration. You know, there's a certain,

04:39

I think, fun about just finding it together, kind of, you know, it's like if there's something good that really satisfies both of you, then finding it together without just hearing about a certain act and trying it will,

04:55

I think, just be way more satisfying. So I think, in a sense, he shoots himself in the foot. I think he takes away from the satisfaction that should be in marriage.

05:02

That's just my opinion on it. But I wanted to highlight a couple of things. I think he's wrong on a couple of things and that, and I think

05:11

I can mention this just because it's extremely common. There's no one who wouldn't have, there's no one who hasn't participated in this that I would know of, but when he talks about masturbation,

05:23

I don't think the, sure, his idea with everything, including that, but every other sex act he talks about is like, well, the

05:31

Bible doesn't forbid it. Well, yeah, okay, the Bible doesn't forbid a lot of things. The Bible gives you principles, though, to apply, and those principles can negate certain things.

05:45

And so, if the idea behind marriage is you are to satisfy your wife, your husband is to satisfy you, and in so doing you become one flesh and you experience some of the joy of heaven and get a foretaste of what it's like to be in a relationship with God.

06:02

And then say that that's even better. If that's what sex is about, then masturbation has no place in that.

06:11

And that's where I think Mark Driscoll goes wrong. He says that if you're away from your wife for a while, whatever, and you can think about your wife and masturbate, thinking about her and stuff, that's perfectly fine because the

06:19

Bible doesn't forbid it. Well, yeah, but it kind of undercuts the whole point of marriage.

06:25

And masturbation is a selfish act because it's not, you're not giving pleasure to another person.

06:32

The goal should be to pleasure that person, and their goal should be to pleasure you. In doing so, you both have pleasure.

06:40

But Driscoll just doesn't seem to get that. He talks about sex as a need, that husbands have this need for sex, as if it's eating.

06:47

Charlie points this out in his blog. But it's not a need, it's a desire, sure, and it's something

06:55

God designed us for, yes. But it's not something we need to survive or to serve

07:00

God. And a husband who needs a, I'm not even going into the details that he does, just because I don't think it's really appropriate, but a husband who needs a certain sexual act performed in order to feel good or not depressed, as Mark Driscoll points out, you can have depression if you're kind of withheld from sex,

07:19

I think that that husband could very well be being selfish. Now, to be fair to Mark Driscoll, he does try to keep it scriptural for the most part.

07:29

I really think he does. He does, a lot of his other chapters, I think his chapter on porn was excellent, his chapter on being friends, him and his wife both wrote about being friends,

07:39

I think those things were excellent. His last chapter wasn't so good, I think it was okay, it's kind of like a 50 -50.

07:47

Some of it's good if you take it the right way, but some of it, it's just kind of self -helping, not really biblical as much as it is, you know, organize your life and get things right in your life, get a life coach if you have to.

08:01

I don't think that's the most helpful, but overall, just the sex stuff kind of ruined it for me, just because he just went way too far into detail about it, and I think kind of lost the point of sex in the first place, and that's, again, that's just my opinion about it.

08:24

I need to do a little more research, but I'm going to look into the

08:30

Song of Solomon, see if he's rightly interpreting that, and I'm going to put everything in the link right below this video in the info section, so you can read it for yourself, and see what

08:41

I have to say about it, what the Bible says about it. So, hope you guys have a great day, and stay true to God's word.