So I remember I just did it, and kind of laughed about it, whatever, shook it off, and really didn't think much about it, and then a little bit after that, I smoked weed for the first time with some friends, and they're just telling me, you know, it's normal, it's normal, everyone does it, and I was like, you know what, okay, sure, everyone does it, can't be too upset, like I'm just a normal kid, I go to, you know, normal kid, go to normal school and all this stuff, so I smoked weed, I didn't necessarily like it, I wouldn't say I was ever really addicted to these things, it was more just to do it to fit in, more to do it to be cool, to have a lot of friends, and in coming to that, this is where I really started to find a dark place in my life, is I was really at the lowest, right, when I started to first found like pornography, and stuff like that, I was introduced to this at a very young age, and for a little while, I was hesitant, all my friends did it, and I was just like, no, I'm not doing this, like, it's just gross, I never really thought of it, but I remember I was in the seventh, or no, eighth grade, and that's when I was like, you know what, everybody does it, justify it, that was my mentality, was just justify it by, this is fine, it's a normal act, so I started watching porn when I was 13, I believe, and just, it was a daily practice for me, and I became very enriched in the culture of it, and just the idolatry of it, and at the time, I didn't know it was idolatry, and I remember even talking to my parents one day, my brother asked the question is, you know, is masturbation a sin, and my dad looked at him like, yeah, of course it's a sin, and that shook me, I had no idea, I thought it was just a normal thing, and I was like, whoa, like, you know what, but that still didn't save me, so I just began to hide it, and I just, at a really low point in my life, that brought into, I had a girlfriend at the time, and we were doing premarital stuff we shouldn't have been doing, and just lots of sexual sin, and I was just so addicted, and I remember I got caught, eventually, and I used almost Christ as like, when I needed Him in the moment, so I was like, no, no, no, I'm sorry, like almost like a fake repentance, I don't even know what real repentance was, but it was just kind of all fake, I was like, oh, I didn't mean to do this, I'm a Christian, all this stuff, and then I kind of backed it, pushed it under the rug, and a couple weeks after that, once I learned my lesson, I dipped right back into the same sin, I never had real faith that was backing my doing, I remember I was almost living two separate lives, essentially, there was the go-to-church DACs, and then there was the school DACs, and I remember even we were running on the track one day with my friends, and they were talking about just religion, and I remember me and my friend were like, oh, yeah, we're Christian, like, no, you're not, and I was like, yeah, no, we are, like, they were shocked, like, you guys don't, like, what, like, we thought you guys were just atheists, or whatever, and I feel like that, even at a young age, kind of struck me, but not to the sense, and I was like, well, they just don't know what they're talking about, so I would go to church, and my parents would, like, boast about me, and I would always come up to them, oh, I read this, I read this, and, oh, I did that, and I remember I was really humbled when my dad asked me, I was like, oh, I read Romans 1 and 2 today, he was like, okay, what was it about, I couldn't even tell him, I wasn't really reading to, you know, enjoy scripture, to see what God is saying in His word, I was just reading to please my parents, I was reading for them to, you know what I mean, see how good of a kid I am, and so that maybe they can give me a better Christmas present, or something, like, that was my mindset, was I want them to believe that I'm this, but it was never for Christ, it was never, you know what I mean, to glorify God, right, so I never truly felt bad in my heart, I felt bad because I hurt people, and hurt my friends, and family, or whatever, but it never changed my heart, my heart was still the same in the ugly place, so, recently, or about a year ago, I was, I remember, I was, a couple days before that, I just watched porn again, it was the typical, what I always did, and I remember I came across this sermon, I don't remember what the name of the sermon was, it was just on YouTube, I was just scrolling on YouTube, I think it was called, something about, like, sexual sin, or just what is real sexual sin, and I watched it, and I remember I just broke down, in tears, and I was just crying, and I was just like, you know, Lord, please, like, what am I doing, I don't want to keep going down this path, and I remember going through that, it was on a Sunday, and we came to church, we rode up to church on that Sunday, and I was still listening to the sermon, just still, like, my heart was broken, and I was just, you know, scared, and sad, and I go to church, and I remember the sermon was around, some sort of around those lines, about just trusting your brethren, and Christ can take the pain for how I lived, and that's truly when I would say I was saved, because I never, I would always claim, right, always claim this, you know, I'm fine, I can just move on if I feel bad, and my mindset really was, oh, I'll become a Christian, and I'll do this later when I'm older, but right now, when I'm young, I'm going to live my life, I'm going to enjoy the things I want, I'm going to do the things I want, but when I'm older, when I have a family, that's when I'll come back, right, almost as using Christ as a means to an end, but I remember reading a book, and the quote in the book said, you know what I mean, you're not guaranteed to live the lives that you think you're going to live.