Ephesians 5:22-24 | Wives, Submit

Prayer for Wisdom and a Biblical View of Marriage

John, would you open us up in a word of prayer?

Lord, we come to you desiring your wisdom. We know that in your sovereign will, you created man and woman in your image. Lord, that you established marriage, and that you actually established men and women, although were equal in your sight, different in how and what you expect from us.

Culture has tried to normalize deviation away from this. Give us your wisdom. Give Pastor Jeff the words to say as we consider these words out of your word. In Jesus' name, amen.

Amen. If Charles Spurgeon was the greatest preacher in England in the 19th century, then many would regard Martin Lloyd-Jones as the greatest preacher in England of the 20th century. Who's heard of Martin Lloyd-Jones?

Famous preacher. He preached at Westminster Chapel. Thousands and thousands of people would be there every Sunday. Expositor of the word. He did not give himself to gimmicks or entertainment or any such thing, but he just preached the word, and the power of the word went forth.

Raise your hand if you've heard of Bethan Phillips. Crickets. Crickets. Well, the great Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones was originally a physician. He was trained, and that's why his mind was so astute. He was trained at the leading medical college in the world and was practicing medicine until at 26, he made an abrupt change when he was born again and thought, I should care for the souls of men, not just their bodies.

But he brought that precision into the pulpit in how he dissected and handled. He was like a surgeon of souls. But no one's heard of Bethan Phillips. Bethan married Martin Lloyd-Jones at when he was 26 years old.

She also was a doctor. They called her the beauty of Britain, just stunning beauty. She had more than 50 marriage proposals before she finally said yes to Dr. Martin Lloyd, who was her first proposal, and then years later, her last proposal, the one she accepted.

But what was so interesting about this doctor, likewise brilliant, she never considered practicing medicine after she accepted the call to be a pastor's wife. She said from that moment, she knew and through the teaching of the word that her call in life was to be the pastor's wife and to raise children and to be in the home.

This was, and what was so amazing about her daughter's kind of recalling this, it was never a struggle for her. It was an of course. That's what God has called me to be, the pastor's wife. I'm not supposed to go off and practice medicine.

In the 19, so this goes back to the 1920s through 1960s. Thereafter, around the 1960s and 1970s, feminism took over the culture in England as well as in America. And the distinction between men and women in the roles that God has created for us as men and women were collapsed.

And in fact, erased in many regards. Women were told you can and should do anything that men do. And there is no distinction. I am woman, hear me roar was the mantra. Now, how would that relate to abortion?

My body, okay? How would it relate to abortion with regard to a woman's career? If a woman seeks to advance to the highest levels of a corporation, what does getting pregnant do to those ambitions? Interrupts it.

Completely interrupts it. And so abortion goes hand in hand with feminism because women being taught that they should do everything that men do, and there's no distinction, would want to control their own career path.

And having a family then would just be an interruption to that. And so abortion goes hand in hand with that. And now with this next wave of feminism, what does transgenderism say to women and to men? Sure, you can be what you want.

Yeah, well, why don't you just go ahead and be whatever gender you choose? It's simply the next step of the logical progression of erasing the distinction between men and women. Turn with me to Genesis chapter two.

Did you say the illogical progression?

Yes, the illogical. Yes, by their logic is what we're doing there. When you start with the wrong premise and follow it to its conclusion, you're also wrong. So when the animals were created and Adam was naming the animals, there was no helper suitable to him.

And in Genesis 2 .18, God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make for him an etzokonegdo in Hebrew, a helper fit for him. Now, this concept of a helper fit or suitable does not imply lesser value, but rather of the same kind, same in essence, made in the image of God as Adam had been made in the image of God.

But notice that there is also distinction in the sense of complementarity, that there are differences between the two that correspond. In fact, that word etzokonegdo corresponding to, fit for, suitable to him.

There are differences that complete or bring together the two. And of course, at the end of the chapter, we see that this is actually to the point of becoming one flesh, 2 .21 to 2 .25. So the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man.

And while he slept, took one of his ribs. My grandfather would always say at wedding services, he did not take from the man's skull that she would be above him, or from his heel that she'd be under his foot, but from his rib that she would be under his arm and closest to his heart.

I like that one. Yeah, I like it too. I steal it from him. I use it at all the weddings that I do that. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh.

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. This is God's beautiful design. His design for the marriage relationship. I think there's a picture of sexuality there as being a good thing.

But even more than the sexual union, this is a union of companionship because it was not good for man to be alone. And there is a suitability between man and woman in corresponding ways. God did not make man and women to be the same.

Yes, equal in value, but different in corresponding ways. Now, that raises the question, what is masculinity? And what is femininity? How would you define it? Well, there was a whole project undertaken three decades ago.

John Piper and Wayne Grudem and a number of other Bible scholars sought out to really tighten up definitions that we could understand because I think they saw where this culture was going, where feminism was taking the culture and the church.

And so they started the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. And I think their definitions of masculinity and femininity derived from the scripture, not from their own opinions, are helpful. So if you look at my application, I'll ask you as an application to embrace these definitions, but let me just read them.

At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships. A few things to parse out there.

The man is to take the lead. He is to have a sense of responsibility, but this is a benevolent responsibility, not domineering, but it's for the good. It's God's good design to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships.

Now, of course, that ranges from the closest relationship, how Bob leads Sue, your wife, versus how Bob might have led a female coworker at the fire department or in the paramedic world. You would still be called to lead, but in differing ways.

There's still a natural leadership that comes with being male, and correspondingly, et zer connecto, different but corresponding, here is femininity. At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships.

In the fire corps, we have levels of sergeants, captains, and lieutenants, and I'm sure this is a typical example, but she can have authority sitting there as part. I knew this question would come.

I knew this question would come. So, if there's a woman, and let's say she's got wisdom, a conservative, Christian, Sarah Palin, Marsha Blackburn kind of person, is it appropriate for her to desire to lead the entire country?

In the political context, not the biblical context. Okay.

But the Bible over covers both the political and the life that we lead.

So, we have a difference of opinion. What do you think, Sue? We've seen women do it very successfully.

Women can do many things very successfully.

Peggy Thatcher, for instance, was.

Margaret Thatcher was one of those conservative leading women.

Iron Lady, Iron Woman, right? The Iron Lady? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

All right. All right. Where we're gonna go today into Ephesians 5, let's turn, is regarding the home and correspondingly regarding the church. So, that's where I'm going to focus my comments, but I will say that masculinity and femininity have a broader context than only the church and family.

We don't wanna go beyond what is written and write new rules that aren't in the Bible, right? At the same time, we want to be in keeping with the createdness of masculinity and femininity. So, I'm gonna allow some of that for people to fall and kind of land at their own conclusions.

I will say, just because I'm not the type that just withholds my private opinions, when I teach eschatology, I don't put out the pre-rapture, pre-trib view and the men and the post and the amillennial.

I just tell you, pre-mill, pre-trib, right? That's just kind of my style. And in regard to this, I'm gonna tell you kind of how I see it. I don't think it's appropriate for a woman to desire that level of leadership, because there are worthy men that she could support and feed and nurture that strength out of them.

I would rather see someone who's a strong female leader use what gifts and talents she has to support a Ron DeSantis and to promote him to be that. If there were no worthy men, as in the case that you find in the Bible in a few places, for example, the story of Deborah, can't miss it.

The story of Deborah is about a female judge and she keeps prompting Barack to step up and lead. Otherwise, it's going to be a shame to him. And he refuses to go without her until finally she goes, they win the battle and he doesn't get the glory that was meant to be his.

And then God uses JL to crush the head of the enemy so that by a woman, he would crush the rebellion. And in that shame, the lack of male leadership. In other words, in Israel, men weren't stepping up.

And so God raised up that woman. And so for that purposes, Margaret Thatcher, maybe that was God raising her up because there was no male leadership. Don't they say behind every great man is a greater woman?

Yes, and here's where I was going with my opening illustration. That beauty of Britain, Bethan Phillips, who became Bethan Jones, was so much of the strength behind D. Martin Lloyd-Jones. Everybody knows his name and he was meant to be in that role, right?

That was where God had, but behind him was a corresponding Edzer Canegno, a help meet that fulfilling her role made him who God called him to be. He never would, there would be no Billy Graham without a Ruth Graham.

There'd be no Martin Lloyd-Jones without a Bethan Jones. Jeff Cleaver without a Jen Cleaver. John Laskin without a Sandy Laskin. You see, when women fulfill the role that they're called to, they're actually nurturing and promoting strength.

And also others like Spurgeon.

Yes, same way.

And she was right behind him, she supported him so much. Yes. And recently John MacArthur was just talking about his wife. MacArthur, I saw that as well.

Jonathan Edwards. Yes, Jonathan. And his wife and that beautiful love story and their home and what that meant for the kingdom and how she cared for David Brainerd in the home. Bethan would never use her doctor skills in the professional field, but she was there nurturing her own husband in death, caring for him with her skills, her doctor skills and many other people in the home.

So the Lord has a way of bringing everything back around to his purposes. So that's the short answer. We can look more about the public realm and business and the fire company, but that's not really my point today.

My point is where the scripture is focused here and that is the home. Corresponding then the church, because the church is a family, with elders, with male leadership. Rick had a question. Yes.

In my work life, I had five supervisors, all of whom were female. But they allowed me to be in the classroom and teach. Yes. And I didn't see any real conflict there. And I did not desire to be a supervisor because then I wouldn't be doing what I wanted to do.

Right. So that's a little bit different take.

Yeah. And I think the public school system by and large has been dominated by women. And the result of that has not been good. The overall fruit of the public school system, I think, has been feminized.

And young men suffer the most in the public school system because a young man is made a certain way, but if all he has is female teachers, all he's going to get is that feminism, kind of like restraining his masculine impulse and trying to tame him, rather than nurturing that strength to bring out what God has made him to be, which might be a carpenter.

It might be physical. It might not be as academic. But to have a teacher like Rick in the classroom was probably the best thing that a high schooler could have. Not to say that it's not good to have women teachers.

I'm just saying the imbalance of feminism in the public school has, it's pretty well a disaster, I think we would recognize. So biblical femininity is somewhat submissive by definition. And you say, well, what definition?

Well, I'm using the Council of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood here as they've compiled all the scriptures because the scripture speaks much of femininity. It's somewhat submissive. That doesn't mean that it's the same submissive attitude in every relationship because there's differing relationships.

Some men are not worthy of submission too. And that's a very important point, especially as you get out in the world, that tends to be the case. So now you have a complicating element there. But entering into a marriage covenant, okay?

When a woman says, I do, she is saying something immense. She is submitting herself to the leadership of a man. And that original I do, if it wasn't well thought out, could be a lifelong grievance to her because he might not be a worthy man.

And yet she's now under his headship. What's that?

A lot of people are taking the words to obey out of their marriage.

Yeah, they are. Yeah, yep. But that word is in 1 Peter 3, as we'll see today, of Sarah toward Abraham. And it seems like a very unpopular word, but how is it meant? And I think it's Abraham was worthy leadership and she would follow and in that sense obey.

I think in that instance, there has to be a last word in a partnership. If there's a tie all the way down the line, there has to be a last word. And I think the man is given that priority if he chooses to take it because of the responsibility.

Yes, I would agree with that.

Yeah, that he is the tiebreaker, if you will, but it's more than that. And we'll see, because we're gonna read how Abraham and Sarah interacted in Genesis 18, where she calls him Lord. There is a leadership that's going on, not just when they come to loggerheads and he gets the final word.

It's more that he is running the household. He's the head of the household and she is a help me to that household and that's why she's commended. And you'll see that even though she laughs. We'll get there.

The wife is to be submissive to her husband in everything. Now that sounds really sexist. Yeah. John, would you just read it? Because at this point, I've talked too much without letting the word talk.

So Ephesians 5, this is the point of the passage, 22 to 24.

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself his savior. Now that as a church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in a few things when they want to.

Now we have the JLT, the John Laskin translation. Wanted to see if you guys were listening.

Should submit everything to their husbands. So now you know why I just said that.

Okay, let's break this apart phrase by phrase. The first 522a, I'll say that marriage unites a man and a woman to belong to one another. Now that's very important. Wives, submit to your own husbands. Rick, would you read for me Genesis 2, 24, and then Rich, would you get 1 Corinthians 7, 4?

It's on the sheet if you want. Yeah, I don't need you to turn there. You can just look on the sheet or look.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

One flesh. Did Jesus ever speak to the definition of marriage? Did he ever say that marriage is between one man and one woman? Because we're told Jesus was silent as to the whole gay marriage question.

That's what the progressive Matthew Vines and all of these teachers are saying. In Matthew 19, they came and said, is it permissible to divorce your wife for any and every reason? And Jesus said no. God made them male and female, referring back to Genesis 2, and he said the two shall become one flesh.

Jesus reiterated, reaffirmed, underscored the original creation order, that marriage is between a man and a woman. There's a corresponding exer connecto, corresponding in different ways, same essence, image of God, same value created as God's image, but there's corresponding differences between the two.

In marriage, the two then become one. One flesh. Now, 1 Corinthians 7, 4.

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

What does that do to my body, my choice? Kills it right there. In a godly marriage covenant, this is the context of sexual temptation and whether someone should just remain celibate, as Paul was. And Paul is discussing celibacy, or becoming a eunuch in that sense, as Jesus calls it in Matthew 19.

As being a special gift that few have. And that particular special gift is probably for a missionary who needs to go and die on the mission field. I told you about the man with the gift of celibacy at Dallas Seminary when I was a student there.

Christ and the Church as the Pattern for Marriage

He knew that he was leaving South Korea to cross the border and evangelize in North Korea, and he fully expected to die a martyr. And maybe he did, I don't know what happened to him. But he was determined not to marry because why should he leave his wife behind?

He had given himself for the sake of the kingdom. So he had a gift where he knew he could restrain his sexual temptations and live as a celibate for the rest of his life for the sake of the gospel. But Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, not everybody has that gift.

And if you burn with lust, you should take a wife. And then going on with that teaching, he says, and wives, don't withhold your body from your husbands. And husbands, don't withhold your body from your wives.

And then this teaching, because the husband has authority over his wife's body, and she has, this is the provocative part, by the way, in the first century. She has authority over his body. Back then, they thought it was only a one-way street.

This is patriarchy. In fact, there were some teachers that said that men could not commit adultery. That was only for the woman. But clearly, what's being taught here is that in the one-flesh union, the man and the wife belong to one another.

And there is one flesh, not two. That's very important as a starting point. You've entered into a covenant where you said I do, and therefore, the Lord has, in covenant, made the two one. That's the starting point here, okay?

Without that, you can't really make heads or tails out of what comes next, what does come next. As to the Lord. Now, when we came in, some saw my title, Wives Submit. And that sounds very provocative.

But listen, that's the whole point of this passage. And my whole job is just to preach this passage. Next week, John gets to speak to the husbands. So he's gonna do that one. But this is my job, to just be faithful to 22, 23, and 24.

Let's just camp out here and not worry about what comes next week. This week, it's saying, Wives Submit. That is in the imperative. What do I mean, the imperative? Rick can tell you. It's a command from God.

Submit. Now, to what extent? This is the more provocative part. Look at the end of verse 22. What does it say there, Ivan?

Verse 22. Yeah. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as. Oh, just before that. Verse 22, the end of verse. Wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord. As to the Lord.

Submission is not to be occasional, but in everything. In everything. So let's take a look now at Genesis 18. And we'll see a picture of what in everything looks like. Do we have a model for us given and commended in the New Testament of what godly submissiveness is meant to look like?

Genesis chapter 18. I'm just gonna read it because we gotta go fast because we only got 20 minutes left. And I wanna get through a few other things. You listen with an ear towards submissiveness. Where does this come up in the text?

Genesis 18, one to 15. And the Lord appeared to him, Abraham, by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day. He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him.

When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth and said, O Lord, Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. Let a little water be brought and wash your feet and rest yourselves under the tree while I bring a morsel of bread that you may refresh yourselves.

And after that, you may pass on since you have come to your servant. So they said, do as you have said. And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, quick, three seeds of fine flour, knead it and make cakes.

And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to a young man who prepared it quickly. Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared and set it before them. And he stood by them under the tree while they ate.

They said to him, where is Sarah, your wife? And he said, she is in the tent. The Lord said, I will surely return to you about this time next year. And Sarah, your wife shall have a son. And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him.

Now, Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself saying, after I am worn out and my Lord is old, and my Lord is old, shall I have pleasure?

The Lord said to Abraham, why did Sarah laugh and say, shall I indeed bear a child now that I am old? Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time, I will return to you about this time next year and Sarah shall have a son.

But Sarah denied it saying, I did not laugh for she was afraid. He said, no, but she did laugh. Okay, in the story of Sarah, where do you see submissiveness in these 15 verses? Domestically. Now, if you were a feminist reading this, put on your feminist lenses, how does that sound?

Go, make cakes. Let me just read this. Does this sound good to you, John? If you're a feminist? Intense. Quick, three seeds of fine flour. Knead it, make cakes.

He's giving commands. He promised a morsel of bread. Yeah. And he has her making up a feast.

Okay, no, no, he's, I think, working hard. He has seen in these men that he's dealing with God. Now, of course, we know that this is probably the second member of the Trinity, Jesus pre-incarnate with two angels.

The two angels will go on to Sodom and Gomorrah and the Lord will stay back and he'll intercede with the Lord for the state. So it's clearly a theophany and a Christophany. Abraham experiences that. He knows he's in the presence of holiness and he is doing everything he can.

And as he's leading his family, he simply directs and she simply obeys. He then does the same thing to a servant and he simply obeys. But now look, this is what the New Testament will pick up on. Look at verse 12.

Sarah laughed to herself. Well, that's kind of natural, isn't it? And in fact, do you think that the New Testament condemns her for that laugh? It doesn't. There's something else that picks up in this text.

It's not the laugh. It's the title. After I'm worn out and my Lord is old. John Detoli, could you look on your paper or turn to 1 Peter 3 .16 and read that for us?

Praises Sarah as a picture of submission. 1 Peter 3 .16 praises Sarah as a picture of submission. Yes. Regardless of her laugh. Right, that's my summary. So in this case, I tricked you. You actually do have to go to the passage.

I'll read it.

Sorry about that. It said, yeah. Tricky guy that I am. It might be 2 Peter 3 .16 because that is not about that. Or was it? No, it's 3 .6. Sorry, did I say 3 .16? Must have John 3 .16 in my head. Scratch out that one.

1 Peter 3 .6. And I'll begin at verse five. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Isn't that interesting?

Now that is the most anti-feminist thing that has ever been written. Calling him Lord and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Go ahead. Capital L. No, this would be in the sense of the word means master.

She's obeying him in some sense. Yeah, write that down.

Well, what does this mean though? She also obeyed when he.

Wow, that is such a good point. I didn't hear what it said. She also obeyed him with Abimelech and the king of Egypt. When she would, when he would, twice this happened. Yes, with the king of Egypt and Abimelech.

In both cases, Abraham misled her and she still obeyed. So who's more responsible in that situation? Abraham, the head. So this is why the worthy leadership is so important in the definition. Yeah, at that time he was acting as a pagan, as an unworthy leader, yeah.

And even when Eve was deceived. Yeah. And Adam all died. Yes. He was deceived, the man led. And we're getting to that in just a minute, yeah. Also, just doing, studying people and the sword of God and looking at marriages to realize that the curse that came upon them and Eve, your desire will be for your husband but he will rule over you.

Yeah. And it's significant because there's that simple part of people that's going to come out and do the opposite of what God calls the person. So that's significant too, is it not? That is, absolutely.

So if a husband leads or commands sin, should the woman be submissive to that? Absolutely not. It's just like if the government were to be submissive to governors but if they command us to do something sinful or against God's word, should we obey or obey God rather than men?

Clearly you obey God as the ultimate head. So this submission is in things that are not sinful. And here he is actually leading well. He wants to honor these angels and the Lord. And so, but here's the thing about it.

First Peter 3, six picks up on this attitude of her heart. She's not rebellious to him, say make cakes, quick, go. She's simply submissive to him as a wife. And it goes so far as to point out, this is the Bible, this isn't Jeff, to point out she called him Lord in that verse.

How does Paul know that she would call him Lord? There's only one place because thousands of years have passed now. Paul doesn't have, wasn't there. He only has the text of Genesis. And that place where she does that is again, Genesis chapter 18, verse 12.

After I am worn out and my Lord is old, shall I have pleasure? Now she's willing to submit herself again to sexual intercourse, even though she's old. And even though she's not expecting that she could possibly give birth, she laughs at the idea.

She's willing to submit herself. Now pleasure there refers to having children. That's the pleasure because the next verse makes that clear. Is anything, verse 14, is anything too hard for the Lord? Meaning that she would bear a child.

That would be the pleasure that she had lacked her whole life. She had wanted to have children, but the Lord had closed her womb. It was all part of the plan for this. So the thing is, she was still right there by Abraham's side, not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination.

She's submissive domestically, sexually, and most importantly here, what is it? Spiritually. Abraham is interacting with the Lord himself and she's following his lead. She's going with it. That's what's so beautiful.

And she's even ashamed. She says, I did not laugh. She's trying to hide it. But God isn't condemning her for that. In fact, the exact opposite is true. He commends her because she is a submissive wife.

And that's what's being picked up on. The submissiveness in 1 Peter 3, verse six. She is with him. She's a submissive wife under his headship. Okay, so then we're given two reasons. We have just a little bit of time left, but fortunately only a couple of verses.

Ephesians 5, 23 and 24. Two reasons are given why she should submit. On what ground? See, the word gar in the Greek, for, gives us the underlying rationale, the reason for it. So John, could you read 5, 23 again?

Ephesians 5, 23. For the husband is the head of his wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Okay, the first reason is ontological, meaning as things are. It's just the way God made things to be. And then there's a word and, that chi gives a second reason in verse 23, is himself its savior. That one is moral.

It is regarding the goodness of the one to whom the church submits, namely Christ. So picturing him on the ground of his being our savior, this is a good Lord to follow. But first, the first reason is this is the way God made things to be.

Notice, the husband is, you could circle that word is by ontological, I mean, this is the way things are. No matter how much a man wants to be a woman, or a woman, a man, you just are who God made you to be.