Should a Husband Who Is Being Beaten by His Wife Separate for His Safety?

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Alright Tim, the question for today's episode is, would you encourage a husband who is being beaten by his wife to separate for his safety?

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Now, I want to say before we answer this question that the reason— You're already laughing.

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We've just started the episode and you're laughing already. This is a serious topic. Husband abuse is no laughing matter.

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Yeah, exactly. Alright, keep going, keep going. I threw you off, keep going.

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Okay, alright, I'm trying. So, yes, no, the reason why we're doing this episode is because we had so much pushback on Twitter when we did our wife -beating episode.

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So we were asking the question, is it biblically permissible for a wife to divorce her wife -beating husband?

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Many people were asking, what about the dudes here? So, there are husband beaters out there, and what about the guys?

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Some people call us false prophets for not mentioning the guys. There's a lot of emotion attached to this.

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I think a lot of people watched the Johnny Depp trial and they were really emotionally invested in this.

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And then, don't you care about these husbands and all that? There's a plague of husbands who are being beaten by their wives, mercilessly beaten by their wives.

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And so, what do we say to them? Tim, there's a lot of times where we start out an episode with me basically asking in a rhetorical way, why are we even having to talk about this issue?

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Most of the time, I know exactly why we're having to talk about it. But with this one, I am just legitimately asking, why are we talking about this?

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Why are we dedicating a whole episode to this? So, I think our reaction is, in a certain sense, a normal kind of reaction that you would have to a scenario where a man who is significantly physically stronger than his wife is somehow being beaten up by his wife.

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Emotionally, that feels very strange to try to process. Meaning, it feels like such a...

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I can't imagine my wife...

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I mean, I can't conceive of any kind of scenario where that could ever happen. You know what

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I'm saying? Now, I think one of the things that happened is that men have gotten a lot less tough recently.

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And so part of it is that. You have a lot of men who just really don't have a lot of courage, don't have a lot of strength.

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And one of the things that happened is you're living in a society right now that basically is taking the side of the woman in every conceivable way.

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And so a lot of people in the comments, they basically don't think I understand the dynamics that we're talking about.

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So, I have a little bit of a chuckle response to that. And we both have a little bit of a chuckle response to it. I was more than chuckling.

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So, I think the idea of a man just sitting there and just getting beat up by his wife, that's absurd.

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I mean, I don't understand how that could possibly happen. Hey, look, I got to say,

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Tim, and this is a confession for me, but my wife, she actually did beat me up one time.

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She beat me in a fight. But it was because in the middle of her trying to show me her self -defense moves that she learned that I easily stopped immediately.

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And in the process of that, a hammer fell off of the nightstand or the counter or wherever we were, and it landed right on my big toe.

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And then I was incapacitated for a moment there. She got you. She got me, man.

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Yeah. I guess I shouldn't laugh. I'm in this category. Yeah. You have been abused, man.

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There's a similar story like that with my wife and I. When we first got married, she looked at me, and she was convinced she could take me.

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And I was like, honey, not with 10 ,000 men could you do this. Don't do this. Just folly.

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But she thought she could. I just kind of put my arms around her, and I said, okay, get out. And then she was stuck.

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She couldn't move. And I said, look, I'm not even breathing, baby. I'm talking to you in a normal tone of voice.

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This is hopeless. Don't ever try it. But no. So there's a sense in which

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I just can't imagine how that can go. But then I also, the people think, well, I don't understand. It's like, no,

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I understand. I understand we're living in a society right now where ladies functionally, the law is going to take their side in every single way imaginable.

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And there's almost no accountability for women for their actions at all, whatsoever. And I've counseled enough crazy women, and I'll call them crazy women because they're crazy.

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I've counseled enough crazy women to know that a lady who wants to be a dripping, contentious woman can make everyone's life significantly miserable.

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And I know that there are examples of ladies who, I know there's the kind of lady out there who can make home life so miserable to the point where a guy could be afraid to go to sleep because she could.

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I mean, there are stories of ladies lighting their husbands on fire while they're asleep and things like that because they're that unstable.

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So I understand that that type of woman can exist. And living in the context of a home, you're kind of at her mercy.

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Meaning if you're asleep and she wants to pull a jail on you and hit you over the head with a cast iron skillet or something, there's not much you can do in those kind of scenarios.

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But then the idea, though, of a lady just beating up her husband. So not like when you're asleep and going crazy and you need to go to jail kind of thing, but a lady just straight up beating up her husband and beating up her husband on a regular basis and you can't figure out how to stop her from beating you up.

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I mean, just put your hands out. But you can't figure out how to do that. So my suggestion to that kind of guy who's getting just beat up, normal beat up.

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Not like psychotic, like being lit on fire and cast iron skillet to the head while you're asleep kind of guy.

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Just the normal guy who's just getting beat up by his woman. I mean, I could just show you a weight and you just pretend like you're in prison.

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Before you're talking about separating or anything like that, just step one, pretend like you're in prison, start lifting weights and take a self -defense class or something like that.

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If we're not talking about the kind of scenario where you're actually afraid of her for your life.

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We're just talking about normal, she's being a bully and picking on you. Well, I have different counsel for that kind of guy.

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I have a category for a psycho crazy woman who really needs to be put in a straitjacket somewhere.

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So I have counsel for that situation. But if you're just getting beat up by your wife. That's the counsel.

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Come on, man. You've failed at being a man. You need to figure out what you're doing in life and do better.

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Go work out a little bit. It shouldn't be that hard. This should be like restraining a child.

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That's what we're talking about here. Unless you're dating a legitimate

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UFC fighter or something. Married Cara Dune.

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You should have a pretty large head start when it comes to physical prowess over your wife.

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What is our question? Would you encourage a husband who is being beaten by his wife to separate for his safety?

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Do you have all the abuse category? Abuse is such a fuzzy word. So when people hear this, we're wording it in the language of being beat up.

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But then a lot of people import in that any notion of abuse. I did a poll on this on Twitter, and I used the phrase being beat up by his wife, which is a specific phrase.

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And people heard everything from emotional abuse all the way to light the guy on fire when he's asleep.

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So because of that, the wide range of hearing, and that's a hearing problem.

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That's not like a sender problem. That's a receiving problem. Because people are hearing such dramatically different things, then let me start with the emotional abuse.

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If you're being emotionally abused by your wife, you need to get thicker skin, grow up, and pray for her, and learn to be long -suffering, learn to be patient, learn to be kind, learn to not return evil for evil.

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Don't get embittered. So if you're being emotionally abused, and women can ramp it up, and that can be a significant source of frustration and temptation towards a man, particularly if you are actually stronger than her, and you're scared that one day you're going to lose your temper, and then you're going to get thrown in jail because she is provoking you and provoking you and provoking you without mercy, without end, forever and ever and ever, just because you suspect she's trying to get you to finally lose it so she can have every justification she needs to take you to court and take all your money and everything else.

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That's not a reason to leave, okay? That's a reason to grow in your sanctification.

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You need to pray for her and show her what it's like to control her emotions.

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So you're the leader. Don't be led by her emotional frenzy at that point. You need to be the calm and stable one and sit there and take it.

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If you need to in that moment physically remove yourself from the situation, and it may be that if she's all up in your face and she won't let you leave, that's where you pull out your phone and say,

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I'm going to call the police if you don't get out of my way. Because we'll file a report on this.

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If you have this little self -control and you're going to just sit there and provoke and provoke and provoke and provoke, then we'll go the police route.

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So I think I'm going to temporarily remove myself from the situation to get you to calm down, okay?

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And perhaps remove my children from the situation because you're acting crazy. So if you're talking about emotional abuse,

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I don't think you're talking, you're not in the realm of separate from your wife because you're unhappy. You just made a poor marriage choice and it's time to reap the consequences of it.

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Does that make sense? Yeah. All right. Now, if you're getting beat up by your wife, like legitimately beat up, like she's just straight up, you know, body slamming you, you know, not going to kill you kind of beat up, right?

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We're not talking about the knives or the cast iron skillets or, you know, the pulling out the gun on you or, you know, like lighting you on fire when you're asleep kind of thing.

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We're just talking about you're just straight up getting beat up by your wife. Like she's just beating you up and you're just too afraid to do anything about it.

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Or whatever. Then I would just say, Hey, just get beat up, man. Like lift some weights, get beat up.

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Like if you can't stop her, call the police, you know, call the police, follow your domestic violence report, talk to your church about it.

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Let them know that you got beat up by your wife. But I mean, I would say lift some weights, lift some weights and, you know, start getting in shape and you should be able to like fix that problem in a few weeks, you know, maybe a month, month of serious working out.

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You should be able to get to a point where like you can keep her from hurting you and keep her from hurting yourself.

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Unless she's just like, like some Amazon woman, you know, and you're like a midget like in that way, in which case we're talking about like an abnormal situation or something like that.

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But like generally you should be able to, you should be, you know, like I wouldn't encourage guys to leave in that.

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I mean that just may be that you're just suffering for righteousness sake. I have, I have a category for telling that man, you know, like just you, like you're married.

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This is the worst part, right? This is a contentious woman part. Like this is I don't have the same kind of standard for a man at that point than a woman.

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So, so why, why not have the same standard? Because you're, this is you are the stronger vessel and this is the weaker vessel and physically you are have, you should have an overwhelming physical advantage over this woman.

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And like, you should like, you know, this is this is like a situation like, you know, what do you do if you're five year old is beating or your 10 year olds beating you up as a adult, right?

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Do you like, do you just kick the kid out of the house forever or whatever?

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I think you just, you need to have some sort of category of you. You should be able to handle this.

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Is there any sort of like spiritual aspect to that? You know, like, like obviously Christ, you know, he came, he laid down his own life freely.

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He let people, you know, beat him, pull his hair out. Obviously we're living in a society right now.

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That's so sensitive to these areas. It's so sensitive. Like let a righteous man strike me. Like there are verses in the

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Bible like that. So Jesus was silent before the shears, like he was like a lamb, like to the slaughter, like when he was reviled, he didn't revile and return.

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And so I think like we used to have some sort of category for like, where you could distinguish between different types of physical abuse even.

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Right. Yeah. Like meaning like, you know, you get beat up on the yeah. Okay. You know, kid gets beat up in the playground by a bully or something like that.

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No one thought that was like a life or death kind of situation, but for the most part it was, you know, it was bad.

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It was wrong. It was sinful, but it wasn't like, it's just kind of a normal part of life kind of kind of thing.

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Now, I mean, some of these videos you see are pretty horrendous of those kinds of things happening where, you know, people are being curb stomped on the ground to where these lines are being blurred and that kind of thing.

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But like, you know, you used to have a category for some like a lot more physical like you know, violence and everything else.

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So I think there's we've gotten pretty like soft as it relates to these things as a society.

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And we treat everything that could fit into this category as if it's like like just someone with a knife trying to stab you or something.

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Yeah. But, but I mean, I'm just trying to imagine what it would even be like for my wife to try to hurt me at all.

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Do you get what I'm saying? Just, I mean, just make sure that, you know, you move the hammer a little closer from the edge of the counter.

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So it doesn't drop on your toe. I mean, my wife is, my wife's tough for a girl, but I mean, like there's no way

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I don't even think she could hurt me. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like at all.

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Like, I mean, I could, you know, if she was intent on willing on me, I could keep her away from my face.

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You know, she can punch me in my arms and stuff like that and chest and it was like, okay, punch harder.

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You know? Like that should, like it shouldn't be like, like if she's like legitimately beating me up,

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I think everyone should look at that and say, man, you need to, you need to like take care of yourself a little better than that.

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You know? Like, cause something, something like there's no way that my kid could ever hurt me.

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You know what I'm saying? Like none of my, I guess like that would. So I think there's like, there's part of this, it's like men are significantly stronger than women.

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And if you're just getting straight up taken out by her wife, unless she's just like trained, I mean, even if she's trained her whole life as a martial artist, you just should be significantly, you know, stronger than her.

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I can't imagine how this could actually even happen. Even in the worst case scenario. What are you laughing about?

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I'm just, we're here, man. We're here. We're talking about this. We're having now.

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All right. Now, if she's, if she's like a legitimate lunatic with a knife. Yeah.

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You know, like gone, gone girl type person. Right. Yeah. I mean, if that, then, then like,

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I mean, I think it, you know, if you're talking about like, she's swinging a cast iron skillet at your head when you're not looking and you're ducking and you feel it like the wind blowing behind your head and stuff like that.

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Well, you're just in a different category. Okay. So in that kind of category, you're calling the police and it may be that, yes, you separate.

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Okay. If that's what we're talking about, but I mean, if you're talking about like, just, you're getting straight up.

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Like now I get, you can't fight back. I totally get that. You can't fight back. All right. I get it.

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I get, you can't fight back because the moment you, like, even if you were to grab her arms and put bruises on our arms and that scenario, she can call the police and you can lose your kids and you can lose your house and everything else.

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But even so, like, I just don't, I still don't understand how that, that you can't at the very least kind of stop, stop the things from going at the places they need to go and everything else.

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If you're not talking about baseball bats and knives and, you know, things like that, you know, and even, even then,

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I think you should be able to take care. Yeah. Go, go learn how to take care of yourself. But anyways, all right.

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Three categories, emotional abuse. I don't have any, I don't think I was anything to say about all that.

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That's just a nonsense category in general. That's the, you know, for better, for worse kind of stuff. That's contentious wife.

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You suffer through the emotional abuse. You're talking about like the guns and knives and cast iron skillets and fire and all that.

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You, you may get away from that crazy woman, you know, I call the cops on her, get away from that crazy woman, get her thrown in jail, you know, kind of stuff.

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You know, if you're talking about getting beat up, I mean, if she's literally taking you out, call the cops on it, you know, call the cops on it and just start working out some.

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But, and I'm assuming in that answer, you're, there's probably some form of like,

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Hey, you get your church involved. Yeah. With all, with all three of those, all three options. If you're like, if you're any of those categories, you need to be talking to your pastor.

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You need me talking to church. And I think it's a sad thing that most people in these kinds of scenarios, they really aren't going to church.

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And really that is the guy's fault. You know, the guy hasn't faithfully taken them to church. And then like stuff like this happens, they have no one to turn to.

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And it's, you know, a lot of times it's the man's, I mean, it is the man's fault for not leading and taking a key could be going himself, you know?

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Yeah. And then he could get people's advice on the outside. Yeah. Talking about what are we talking about here and everything else.

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And so, yeah, I mean, I think you just, you know, you're, you're in a scenario right now where, you know, if you can imagine like a big bear getting beat up by a puppy dog or something like that, you know, it does feel like you need to have different counsel that you give to that situation.

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And then it's the puppy dog getting beat up by the bear. Okay. Fair enough. This has been another episode of Bible bashed.

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