A Good Woman Doesn't Want Her Husbands Help with The Dishes

The Question of Household Chores and Marital Roles

If they want to clean the entire house from start to finish with all their kids there while their wife is by themselves, they can get all of that stuff done that their wife is telling them is impossible to do.

They can get it done in like an hour and a half or something like that. They can clean the entire house by themselves with all their kids from start to finish. This is even without any help from the kids or whatever else.

They can get it all done in an hour and a half. And so they're looking at their wife and they're saying, what are you doing?

The question for today's episode is, does a good woman want her husband's help with the dishes? Absolutely not. Tim is always ready with the. Here's what I've noticed him. Is you like to answer short answers for questions that most people would expect a very long winded response to.

I do the opposite. I answer long winded ones.

Is that a fair to say? It seems like that's the pattern here. That's a fair observation to make.

I mean, it could be. I can neither confirm or deny this.

I just say that because I think this is one of those questions that number one, obviously most people aren't going to ask anyway. But then number two, it's like if you force someone to answer this question, then there would be a lot of, you know, well, you know, apologizing, qualifying, whatnot.

And then you're just like, no, no. So so why no, why no?

I mean, all right. So I think what people people can't handle certain questions like this. So they really have a hard time answering questions like this, because like you're living in a culture society right now that basically has no like expectations of a woman in marriage at all.

So the primary group of people that like we're addressing are people who are probably in traditional homes where man is working full time and then a woman is staying at home with the kids or something along those lines.

If you know, maybe with the kids, if they choose to have them or whatever. But most of the people, most of our audience are that kind of people. But then what most people like what they mostly hear when they hear a question like that, like, does a good woman want their help, their husband's help with the dishes?

Like their mind immediately goes to like very rare situations like which. So they're trying to universalize a question like that instead of just getting into the mindset of that kind of question. So their minds immediately go to just like, you know, like a woman who just gave birth.

Right. Does she want her help? Husband's help with the dishes for the first couple of weeks after it? Well, obviously, there might be situations like that where a good woman may want her husband's help a little bit around the house.

Yeah. And so but then that's used to basically just ignore the point. Right. So the point of a question like this is to say, well, is there anything about homemaking that actually belongs to the woman as her job?

And that's kind of the sense behind this kind of question. So what you're talking about when you're talking about a question like this, you're talking about like a philosophy of roles, essentially. And so, you know, for most people, like in our circles, they're more than happy to say like that it's a husband's job to go to work and provide for a family.

So I did this poll on Twitter. I did. I did it both ways. And so you ask the question one way. You say you basically say true or false. Does a good woman a good woman doesn't want her husband's help with the dishes?

And I mean, I think it was like 30 percent said true and then 70 percent said false. But then I asked it the other way. I said, like, a good man doesn't want his wife's help providing. And it was the opposite.

It was 70 percent said true, 30 percent said false. You're being tricksy with it, huh? I did it the same day. But then I did the same day. They could literally look on the like on the timeline. And then I made a post about how funny it was and it didn't change the numbers.

And so like and so what what that tells you is that like you're living in a society right now that they're more than happy to bind certain expectations on a man. Right. Yeah. Like you think you think about like what kind of expectations are being bound on a man and that kind of question, like a good man doesn't want his wife's help providing for a family.

OK, what you've just bound upon that man is an expectation that he works 50 hours a week for the rest of his life in order to provide for her. And you're OK saying like a good man will own that and say, that's my job.

Right. Now, when you're talking about the dishes, you're talking about 15 minutes a day.

OK, now, hang on, hang on. I want to go back 50 hours. That's like this. Let's be honest. That's like pre Biden inflation. Come on. We're talking 60, 70 hours.

Well, I think about it like, all right. All right. Dishes is 15 minutes a day. Come on. Like 20 minutes a day. But you have a big family. You have to run the dishwasher twice. You know, we're talking about you have a machine that's going to do most of the work for you.

Right. You have a machine that's going to do. And this is not like a big job. Like this is like a very small job. And in. So you have a lot of young like like wives who are lazy and then they're gaslighting their husbands into thinking that like they're so busy all day long and they just don't have time to do this.

And they desperately need their husband to come home and save them from the pile of dishes that are in their sink. That's been their sink for the past three or four days or whatever. And if you love me, you're going to do it for me because I just can't keep up with it because it's so much for me.

And it's just like, like, my goodness, like, look, I got I have guys who will like reach out to me on a regular basis and basically just describe this scenario. OK, they'll describe this kind of scenario where they go to work all day long.

They come back and the sink is full of the same pile of dishes. It's just getting bigger and bigger every day. And after a few days of it, they finally get the courage to say, you know, are you going to do anything about it or something like that?

And then you have the wife who's just secretly bitter at the husband for not helping her with the dishes. And like, you know, he comes home after 10 hours worth of work and he looks at her and he's like, you know, what what did you do?

Right. Like if he's brave enough, like most men like are such wimps now that they're not even brave enough to ask. But what they're thinking in their mind is like, what literally what did you do all day?

Right. And they may have like got the courage to ask it because they're wimps like once or twice. And then what they're invariably going to get in that kind of scenario is they're going to get. Oh, you know, like a woman's work is never done.

And, you know, I've been busy all day long. And what do you think it takes to, you know, like take care of all these kids all day long and they're needy and all this stuff? And and it's just like the problem, though, is that most of those men in that kind of scenario, like they know they're being gaslit.

OK. And, you know, and I can I can just like I can validate they're being gaslit because I have five kids. And almost every Saturday it's me at home with the kids because like this is Elizabeth's day.

My wife, this is her day to go out and grocery shop and run errands and things like that. And so, you know, most of like the morning, like almost every Saturday, I'm alone. And this has been the way like it's always been like grocery shopping day.

Errand day has always been Saturday mornings at the very least. And I've been at home with my kids and I know it doesn't take very long to do anything like I've met. I know how long it takes to like to get dishwasher loaded, you know, or whatever else I know.

I know how long it takes to get kids fed for breakfast. I know I know how long it takes to get like for to get kids fed for lunch. And then I know how much like time is devoted to even with five kids, like not knowing what to do essentially.

Right. So like the big struggle that most families have is not like having so much like chores and housework and whatever else to do that. They're just running out of time. I mean, like you're living in a time right now where you have dishwashers.

You have laundry, like you have like washing machines, you have dryers, like you have microwaves. Like you like this is like you can feed people really quick if you want to. And you can wash like it's not a lot of work.

And the big struggle that most families have today is the struggle of trying to figure out how are we going to fill this time with God honoring productive activities. Now, when you start adding homeschool to the mix, that's like your homeschooling.

Like that's when things get like it. You get you have a lot more on your plate. Right. But a lot of these guys in these kind of scenarios, they have one or two kids and like they know that like that same pile of dishes is in the sink all day long.

They know that those same piles of laundry are laying all over the house and they're looking like at their wife and they're like, what are you doing all day long? And what generally happens is those men like their wives go shopping on Saturday, too.

And like they know that like if they want to clean the entire house from start to finish with all their kids there while their wife is by themselves, they can get all of that stuff done that their wife is telling them is impossible to do.

They can get it done in like an hour and a half or something like that. They can clean the entire house by themselves with all their kids from start to finish. This is even without any help from the kids or whatever else.

They can get it all done in an hour and a half. And so they're looking at their wife and they're saying like, what are you doing? Right. Like and they know what they're doing. Like they're on their phones and, you know, whatever else watching TV all day and just letting everything go.

But so like I'm looking. So the point point of all that is just like that ramble is just like you're you're asking a question like, you know, does a good woman want her husband's help with the dishes?

And my answer is like, absolutely not. And the reason why my answer is absolutely not is because like there has to be something that a woman will own as hers. Does that make sense? Yeah. So like we're OK with saying 50 hours husband, you're going to devote 50, 60, 70 hours with Biden inflation to providing for a family.

But then you're talking about like 50, like it takes 15 minutes to load a dishwasher, 20 minutes tops. You know, if you want to really stretch it and say, hey, loading and unloading and doing all that, it takes 30 minutes a day, even if it took an hour a day.

That's nothing right. Like that's nothing compared to like what a husband is doing, going to work for 10 hours a day. And so like like the issue is like a woman who like what you have to do is you have to say, OK, let's bring some sanity into this equation.

Let's bring some sanity into this equation. So like what what is it like in like in a traditional home? What is it that we're going to say? This is a wife's job. That's hers like that. She's going to guard as like this is my job.

This is what God has given me to do. And I'm going to do it to the glory of God. And I'm going to learn to excel in it. And it's going to be mine. And I might just going to be secretly better at my husband for not taking this from me.

Right. I can be secretly better at him for not taking it from me and helping me with it and everything else. I can't help him with his job. Yeah. So he can't help like he can't help me with my job. Now, I think like with almost everything that it takes to be a homemaker, there's a sense in which like logically, OK, woman can't go to work and do your husband's job, but you can do your wife's job.

But you should be doing so much more than just the basic bare minimum, do the dishes, do the laundry, everything else that it should be like, like, this should be nothing like you should have a routine set up to where, you know, this is something that our family has to where, you know, you basically first thing you do when you wake up, unload the dishwasher.

Right. You have it unloaded. And then all day long, putting you're putting your dirty dishes into the dishwasher. Then at night you run the dishwasher and then wake up in the morning. First step, unload the thing.

Right. So, I mean, that I get just just being smart, having a routine, taking it as it goes. You don't need help with that. Like, what do you need help with that? Right. Like, if you're unloading your dishwasher every morning and then you're loading it all day long, like, you know, you don't need help with that.

There's no need. Like, you just like you have a job. Your husband has a job. And like a good woman will say, hey, I want to honor my husband's hard work by taking my job seriously and not just by being secretly bitter and trying to get him to do my job for me.

Okay.

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