If The Office Characters were Churches

Prosperity Gospel and Get-Rich-Quick Religion

I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend. It sounds like a get-rich-quick scheme. Yes, thank you. You will get rich quick. We all will.

Emotionalism and Manufactured Spiritual Experience

I want to thank God, because God gave me this dundee, and I feel God in this Chili's tonight.

Foolishness, Discernment, and Refusing Bad Ideas

So, strike, scream, and run. All right, let's try it.

Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, would an idiot do that? And if they would, I do not do that thing.

Modesty, Consumerism, and the Absurdity of Fashion Trends

Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy, so I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

Office Politics and the Life of Judgment

To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch was made for, that is the life.

Denial, Self-Deception, and Awkward Social Dynamics

No, I'm certainly not disappointed that Angela's husband wasn't hitting on me. How are you doing this? I don't know.

Returning to Church After Absence

Oh, my gosh. Sunday church service. It's been a few years. The big guy and I, we got some catching up to do. Okay, this is, um, all right, this is silly. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.