Marriage | S7 E8

Welcome back to the point taken podcast Thank you. Welcome to shoulder. Our backs are overused.

Welcome. Let's cancel the episode Cancel the entire podcast. I've done that like two seasons.

You're right and that's fair But it also never should have happened in the first place in all of history today.

We're talking about Marriage and all that comes with it and we had on some special guests

We had pastor Jeff and miss Gwen aka mom and dad and they talked

About their initial struggles in their marriage how they had to work through some things to talk about some trying times some trials that God put them through they talked about how they grew in that talked about the most important things in marriage and how to try to avoid societal pressures of what they say marriage should look like since Our society mostly is abandoning that covenant and to focus only on what the

Word of God says marriage should look like So we had a good discussion with them about that. So without further ado, let's get into the episode

So let's get to work. Let's get to work. Let's talk about marriage Marriage my wedge is what wings eyes together today

Mom do you remember that movie Princess Bride? Yes. Yes. No Are the rodents of unusual size though, it is our us's the rodents of extraordinary size

Do you remember that movie a vaguely? Yeah, I just see him dying inside like he was all pumped up before The only thing

I remember is the Hispanic guy doing, you know prepared to die Okay So Marriage all right.

So Why don't we start a hundred you you jump in when you want? Why don't we start with a definition?

So I think by the way mom and dad these are my parents. These are

Gwyn and Jeff Shipley mom Start us off with what's the definition of marriage? A Man and a woman don't start with with that.

It's necessary start these days a man and a woman that Make a union and a covenant before God to live life together

In however, you define that life but man and woman covenant with God And each other and what is a covenant?

It's a promise a biblical You're doing good

Feels like a test right now. I know I like I got just got nervous I That's it,

I mean it's it's some people always say well, it's just a piece of paper I always laugh and I'm like, well, so is money, but you spend your life working for it, you know

It's more than a piece of paper it's so much more than a piece of paper In fact, it's not a piece of paper marriage as she said

So perfectly it is a covenant in a triune factor I should say in a

Trinity factor between a man a woman and God and It should always

Reflect that but because of our failures it doesn't but that's what marriage is well in that piece of paper that that's the wedding

Certificate our goal was not to be wed To have a marriage and to build a life

So when did either of you to come to that real? Realization of that definition of marriage when you were a kid you got older after you got married

For me after I got married Yeah, she took advantage of me and tricked me into marriage yeah

No, I was clueless I was clueless I was close had to be a father clues had to be a husband

I was clueless she Gwen your mother was

Way ahead of the game As far as you know recognizing

What that is and she didn't have? always the greatest examples in her life either, but You know

She really understood better than I what marriage was yeah I would say

I had I was way ahead of the game with a mental understanding But when it came how when it came to how?

To put that in work clothes and carry it out We figured that out together still figuring some things out

I was telling somebody earlier today I don't remember who it was, but I was telling someone earlier that I really think that that's why so early in our marriage

God moved us to Wyoming because I Needed a separation from the codependency

I had with my family that was not healthy and he needed a separation from the friends that he had grown up With I think that it would have been way too easy that we would have both had voices in our heads

About how unfair this is and how he should be doing this and how she's nagging you about this that God knew that was gonna be more than we could overcome so as Our first step in ministry.

He moved us very far away from all of those things that made us Feel secure and then he built a security in the two of us together

Was very hard though What was the biggest challenges with that I mean,

I don't know how to choose one. Everything was so challenging I mean what what point in your marriage did it happen?

Like how long were y 'all together before you had to years? The first years before y 'all moved to Wyoming or used for y 'all even after so just let me let me help define some time frames here, so We were dating and I had just become a

Christian not too long before that met her at the church We were going with she had grown up a church her whole life

We started dating and it was definitely just nothing more than a latching on For both of us, you know as far as Love and honor and respect and all that.

I mean, you know, we didn't beat up on each other, but it was just convenience emotional convenience

She got pregnant for we don't know how yet still but She got pregnant and we had our daughter and I'll never forget this

She said well, we need to go in front of the church and apologize and in my mind

I can remember well in my voice I'm like, I ain't doing that. I don't know. Yeah, I don't owe them people nothing and She broke up with me

Over that well that and my in fairness to her my unwillingness to follow through with God I Was extremely rebellious and immature

And She said this is the way I'm going and you're not going that way so she broke up with me and You were a brand -new believer when that happened, yeah,

I don't maybe maybe a year Yeah So you were you were very young in the faith and you got saved but maturing process was stifled a bit, correct?

And that I I was I was no longer doing Any hard drugs or anything like that?

But I was still Selling weed. I was still doing other things Because you know make money, right?

Right, you know, that's fine But what it really was is is I was trying to take back some of the things

I had surrendered to God like dependence Security, you know ethics, you know,

I was trying to justify and you know It's easy to sit there and blame and say well I didn't have this understand when you're a

Christian the Holy Spirit convicts you of what you need to be working on and I was in full resistance of it, so She broke up with me she had

Ashley and I slowly started Submitting to the

Lord and about five months later. We got married So, you know, it was a total of what 14 months 15.

I don't know 13 I don't know how many how long it was and Then not long after that.

I was working in a martial arts ministry and we were going to church at a little church over here in Nutbush and a

Pastor in Wyoming said they needed help with their youth in Wyoming and she was like, let's go.

I'm all for it. And I was like no Barnum Wyoming no

But you know once again God had to work on me and we moved to Wyoming and That that as she said and she was very correct that that three years in Wyoming was

Everything as far as education to begin to the foundation of that education to begin to be built on and We spent three years there and it was tough.

It was it was tough tough I mean, it was tough marriage wise because we didn't have a solid foundation yet.

Neither one of us, you know, there were feelings of love but not a biblical love

It was the kind that came and went as you got irritated and frustrated and fed up It wasn't a genuine love that we've now learned and come to understand and rely on you know

We were when I say poor I mean poor I Mean like we didn't always have food

We were alone Outside of each other and and God and God took advantage of that time

That's where I think the marriage started growing There wasn't anybody else to turn to when you were really sad or had a hard time

It was us, I mean we went there and knew nobody Wow and It was rough, yeah

Obviously, I live in the same city with my parents and my wife's parents all of those group of people go to church here so the idea of not having anyone to turn to Is not foreign from my mind, but it is foreign from my experience

So that that is wait, but you know He I guess, you know

Jesus had some people stay in Jerusalem He had a bunch of other people go a bunch of other places. There's always a reason for that I guess

I wanted to When I want y 'all to talk more about that But I did want to ask you guys maybe you because you just said a question about you said the certificate earlier

And if you don't want to say this for later What role Do we want the government to have in marriage because if I can frame this all what

I was expecting Well, I love it. Okay, and here's why here's why and I mean this from a biblical perspective

I have my own thoughts on this, but I wanted to put this in y 'all's court on one hand Marriage is a covenant between God a man and woman not

God a man and woman in the state of, Tennessee on the other hand we want to live in a place that honors the idea of Biblical Union.

So what's the balance? So Wow, I mean they're politics church history You've hit everything with this actually what's really cool is the early

Puritans did not include the church in marriage it was a civil union between a man and a woman and When you said didn't include the church you mean

The the authority Was a contract between that man and that woman mediators

God no other human involved that man and that woman Early Puritans. Let's just go ahead and say

Marriage started biblically started in the Bible. So the early Puritans were changing what marriage was well

No see Back in biblical times it was done within the family units right validated within the family and then the synagogue the

Puritans took that a step further and said this is between a man a woman and God and so it was kind of a

Moving more towards that man woman and God the state the government

Unfortunately at this time is involved and I say unfortunately because of this

There is no accountability with the government there's none

What it should be is between man and woman Man woman and God man woman and God the church and families

That's that that's where the accountability should shop the government should be not involved at all however

You can't sit there on one side and say well, okay, but we can't allow incest. Well, we can't allow minors

We can't allow this. We want a government that looks like the biblical principles. So you Correct and so I think there needs to be a greater a

Greater emphasis on families and church not just pastor church

Family as a whole, but it's the times we live in but at the essence no matter how it plays out in Reality, it is between a man a woman and God just as she said earlier.

That's the way it is and ultimately That's how

God planned it out. It is interesting though When he set up a human government in Israel He you a human government it's weird because ours looks so different from what there's did but For the reasons you just said he had judges, if you will to Make sure that the definition of marriage that miss

Gwynne defined Was in order if it wasn't it was enforced, right? Because they were required to live in society to honor marriage the way

God saw it so there were limitations with age with gender with animals

Sorry Let's just funny all the things that we have to have guidelines for and it's one of my favorite points that you ever made

And everybody did right what was right in their sight and what was right in their sight was some of the worst things you could

Have ever heard of right? Yeah, it's like the darkest book of the Bible Book of Judges ends with and everyone did what was right in their own eyes

Yeah, the danger is not everyone does what they know is wrong But danger is everyone does what they know is right and that's what

I was like It's a consistent joke like who puts all these warning labels on things like who's stupid is like well

You know if you don't outline it there are going to be people who do these things You won't drive their hair in the bathtub, right?

Looks like on the same vein. It's just like well If God doesn't outline it like he does in these books, right?

There are gonna be putting people putting their children on burning statues and it's like wow so it's just another point of That's crazy.

What all that needs to be outlined and enforced. So how many years into y 'all's marriage would you say?

Not that y 'all had it like y 'all had it you were you were on the path both walking in the same direction

I'll say by year three She was surprised by that answer.

Yeah I'm not saying we had obtained that but I'm saying that both walking that I would say by year three

There was no longer thoughts of oh my god. I've made the biggest mistake of my life. Is it too late to end this right?

Yes, you got rid of the way out idea. You get rid of the idea. I mean, I knew I never really had I never really

And and some of that I know this goes against society, but some of that you watch this podcast recently, that's okay you know,

I started out in nursing school and Got to the point where once you were born

I was like, this is a weight. I can't carry anymore I cannot mother two children and attend school full -time.

So I went ahead and dropped out at that point That was here in Memphis, right? Before we moved to Wyoming and I remember when

I matured a little bit more when we were still in the rough parts of marriage But I was really working at it and matured more

I remember looking back and saying if I'd finished nursing school, I would have had a way out

I saw that as God's provision. He had a better plan for me that I couldn't understand and I Look back on my life at all the times not that humor actually saved me by some miracle

He saved me from stupid, you know, he took away Bad options that in my sin or my ignorance or my immaturity.

I mean because we were way young I mean I was 19 when I got married

But I can honestly say because of the work that we both put in I Can't think of a single time where I looked back and said man,

I really missed those college days those Freedom single days.

I I can't think of a single time that I felt that way and I count that as a blessing

But again, it was hard work it was a choice, I mean I can remember

Looking at my family and saying this is where I've committed my life.

I Can be miserable or I can build something really great and he kind of was at the same same spot

We can be miserable and fight or we can build something great. Yep. It well you said it perfectly it's a choice and During the rough times it's an everyday choice and I'll be honest there are days where I'm just like exhausted mentally, you know

And emotionally and spiritually But in a day you got to do the choice you have to make that choice and I think that's something

Hollywood and humans in general throughout time even in medieval times the romantic ideas

They play lies into your head and thinking that marriage and love is somehow this euphoric

Continuous ever -growing feeling and I can just tell you

I missed that boat I've never met anyone in 30 years of counseling that had that Because once again, we go back to what miss

Gwen said earlier. It's a covenant. It's that's devoid of feelings opinions Such circumstances situations it is a covenant and sometimes

You know when she's crazy or I'm stupid. It still has to be a choice and I've been stupid a bunch and She had to make a choice

Well, no, I'm perfect. No, right. Yeah It's my turn to be crazy a bunch

His stupid days are over now I'm stupid a bunch.

But yeah, it's it boils down to choice So when you guys were, you know, you said around year three, you're starting to head in the correct direction

What are some things specifically that you guys started to do? That great question.

So so I think you first have to Well, let me rephrase.

Let me tell you what what I did. I was clueless on how to be a father I was

I sort of understood Husband, but I understood it through the carnal

Societal or cultural norm in other words. I thought my job was to put a roof over the head food on the table go to work

That's what my job is and and sorry and and and I've come to find out that's kind of silly

One of the things I tell everybody is the state of Tennessee does that for orphans every day that didn't make them bad So It's not putting roof overhead and food on the table

And so I've come up with priest provider protector as a way from the male perspective the husband's perspective

Like to be a priest and I failed in this a bunch just like everybody else

But you know is to lead my family towards Christ And then to provide

Means and and this doesn't make sense to a lot of people But what

I provide for my house is security And I'm not talking again, you know

The North Koreans falling out of the sky on parachutes and screaming Wolverine and grabbing my gun and you know, not that when

I mean security is security that brings peace if If the father and the husband is doing what he should be doing there will be peace in the home

There'll be a place where Everyone can comes everyone knows the role and there's just peace

There's not rebellion and chaos and all that. That's what you're really providing now

Putting a roof over the head and food on the table. Yeah, that's part of that provisional peace

But I'm telling you it's it's You really are providing the leadership to provide that peace and then protection and I always tell young men this

The number one thing you have to protect your wife from is your mouth. Yep Your children is your mouth your words can destroy or build and They can cut

If you have people who have trusted you and are following you and then you turn and You're worthless.

You're stupid You're you're pathetic. You're those those words

Destroy and You really have to protect your family from your your words your mouth and and it's hard It's hard because all of that those three combined take a continual desire for humility and sacrifice and it's difficult, but You know what?

You want to be married? That's what it costs or you can choose to Rebel against God and then everything will rebel against you and you're gonna be miserable.

I Heard someone put it this way Tell me what you think about this when you said priest if you think about priests and prophets of the

Old Testament a priest represented his people before God a prophet

Represented God before his people. That's correct. And this is what I thought about it. So a father is a priest in that Mostly in prayer, but he's the spiritual leader of the home and he represents his family to God He's a prophet to them that he wrote like this is how it's gonna be this is what

God's Word says We are moving in that direction. So he's a prophet that he represents God before his people

Does that make sense? Absolutely. I've heard that way. Yeah, absolutely. I am I Realize something.

I think I said this on a podcast before The word provide I think I think we've talked about this here literally means to see

And for the longest time I did not understand the connection to see so Yahweh Jireh Jehovah Jireh the

Lord provides Means the Lord sees to it because we have that little phrase in English that helps us to see to it

Yeah So when pastor Jeff says the husband provides this provides this there are a myriad of ways he can do that his jobs at the end

Of a day to see to it that it gets done Whatever that takes he sees to it So the job of a husband is a see to it or mm -hmm a solution provider well said

When there is no way you figure it out. There is a problem the problem has been identified a

Husband has to be a solution finder. Yep I've often said you don't have the right to say

I don't know You don't have that right you Your job is to provide to see to that this gets solved whatever the problem is and and it's tough

You know because our culture is divided or is inundated with this idea that money is the solution to problems

And that can't be further than the truth And so you can't simply reach your hand in your pocket and my kids in rebellion

They need counseling money. You know oh they need to go to a private school or my wife is this money or my money

It's it's a if it that's not the answer the answer is provisionally

You're saying to the problem based upon what the Word of God says Isn't it interesting that two of the main?

Descriptions of God in relation to his people or husband and father yeah, and he's called the

Heavenly Father Phrases in the Bible Jerusalem dressed like a bride exactly the bride of Christ Mm -hmm as far as the money goes

I really like how convenient that is of a way to shove Responsibility on to somebody else

It's like the number one reason why money can't be The way somebody runs a marriage or household is because all it does is provide a way for you to not have to do that 100 % well said on well said so As far as the wife is concerned.

I know that you and I were talking about the roles of What a wife should be doing in the household and in the marriage do you speak to that on it?

Yeah, so to Dive off of what he said

You know he's he's the priest and he is the spiritual provider and head of our house

But I look at you know some people use the word completer I'll look at that.

He's given me the direction that our household is going Doesn't mean he lays out instructions when

I want you to do one and then two and then three He's given me the direction, and it's not just my

Responsibility it's my desire To carry out those directions to the very best that I can and when

I don't understand the directions If I'm doing it right I go back and get Confirmation because he's ultimately gonna be held accountable, and that's a huge weight for you and So it would be my desire for him to trust me in my desire for him to not be held

Accountable for a mistake that I made so it's a team effort there as far as The household itself

You can't get around it scripture is very clear that I am to be the manager of my home and That means all aspects of it

Jeff asked me Years ago early in our marriage. He's always as a pastor is is a stressful thing to handle

So you come home with a lot of burdens, and he just asked me. I just need to come home where it's safe I need and and knowing the the way he was raised in the situations

He was raised in I knew what he was asking for so I would try to have the house

Yes, neat was a part of it, but that wasn't the biggest part of it not in chaos

That when he came home It wasn't in chaos that yes the kids could go run to him and greet him because he loved them

And he wanted to be greeted by them But that he didn't walk in to screaming and You've got to spank them four times because you know it was

It was peaceful If that means that if I'm in a situation where I need to work

The house still gets Cleaned if I delegate it to my children if I hire a housekeeper.

It doesn't matter how I do it now I have my groceries delivered. It's a splurge.

I have I can do that. I'm still managing Can you imagine doing that when you were in Wyoming? Oh no

We didn't get groceries I was about to say like imagine having groceries There was a deacon that delivered the day old cereal and the day old doughnuts and everything that was our great

We would walk out the kids would climb in the back of his pickup truck, and they would pick out the sugary most

Unhealthy no nutrients whatsoever cereal, but they loved it because they knew what tricks were you know they knew what the name -brand was but But when he was talking about Peace it just came to my mind, and I don't know

I Probably will cry if you disagree with me, but I would

Morning It's like a disclaimer I Would like to believe that my children never felt like their parents were going to separate just any day

That that our house was at peace because they were confident and assure even if we disagreed

That it our marriage was not at stake that we talked about things.

I mean we talked Openly with our kids a lot of times like if things were tough financially.

We just said here's where we are We want you to know we're not going to be stressed about this. God is going to provide, but this is where we are and I think our kids found security in that I think they found security in the fact that I Knew and they knew that daddy is always going to pick me

That we are a team and that we are not going anywhere and that They were secondary, but that secondary didn't make them feel

Unimportant it made them feel secure So I feel like that's a lot of what my roles are

I don't know if that answered your question No It does in a lot of ways and it prompted more things because I'm what

I'm noticing is a really common theme of Very different very Defined and decided roles very much communication 100 % and it's like and I related to that You know while you were talking about that is because my parents did a pretty one of the biggest things that I really loved and what?

Got me to feel a lot closer to my parents growing up is One time they set us all down and said here's exactly what's going on with our finances

And here's why we're not going to be having these things I Need more out of you in this area because we have to cancel trash collection

So, you know a hundred your job is going to be to drive this to excellent dump or whatever

But it's like it was a this is exactly what's happening We're a team kind of everything so it's like when things were bad.

There wasn't a Line there wasn't a keeping up an appearance even because a lot of people do that to their own kids

Which is surprising to me, but it's like you're trying to make sure that your kids have this

You know have this feeling of oh we have everything but if you don't have everything, you know

It's a lot more valuable at least in my experience for the parents to say We don't have everything and here's why and here's what's happening, you know

So I like that you guys have very defined and clear roles and that you're communicating

So when you guys defined your roles within your marriage, was that like clear conversation like this is what

I'm doing This is what you're doing. Yeah, I would say so. I mean Maybe not at year three.

No, right Yeah, I mean it's they're so clearly defined in Scripture. I mean, it's it's it is the

Bible Yeah, you had a head start. You already said but as you go from the Bible, it's understood, right?

You know, the Bible is very clear that the woman is the keeper of the home as she said the manager of the home

That doesn't mean she can't work outside the home Proverbs 31, but it does mean she's the manager of the home

But it also means that if something's wrong It's my job to take care of it to see to it as you said and I can't blame her for a lack of Provision if I'm not providing it in the oversight and the leadership

So they were very clear defined roles. They were clear and defined roles and parenting. Excuse me

They were clear and defined roles in everything. They were clear and defined roles for our children You know,

I remember telling my kids. I love your mom more than I ever love you Emotionally that's hard to do but it was it was really important I think for the kids to know that my wife and I are not going to revolve around you

Y 'all are gonna revolve around us, you know It is amazing

The parts of our society Since our society was built on Mostly a biblical foundation even when we failed to meet that out.

You can see it in our framework Where we have maintained that even unbelievers who are accidentally following that see blessings from that Where we have deviated from that we see horrendous issues with that you know,

I don't remember what the divorce rate in our nation is, but it's higher than a lot of third world nations

It is amazing though When I was teaching I've told this story here before Maybe my second year teaching

I had my first daughter Ava and I showed a picture of her to one of the mothers of my students who was a very involved mother very good mother

I taught two of her children. She like parent -teacher conferences after school like all that kind of stuff and She just smiled.

She goes. Did you ever think you could love some somebody so much? I Said yeah my wife

And they just never occurred to her Because she Has believed that a mother's love for her children is the greatest form of love on the planet

But it just struck me a few years ago when I was reading Ephesians 5 Blank love your blank like Jesus loved the church

And if you just think Jesus like Christ loved the church, we can all all Christians can agree That's the highest form of love ever showed right?

I think if you're asked the average person They would fill in those blanks wrong. They would say grandparents love your grandchildren or mothers love your children, but it says husbands

Love your wives like Christ loved the church greatest God gets to compare one type of human love to his standard for how he loved the church and compares it to a husband

To his wife and what was the way Jesus loved the church by giving himself for her

That's so I feel like that's just such an important thing to say because I feel like very naturally

Everybody will think well a mother to their their kid, but it's like okay How much worse will a mother going through postpartum depression feel if they think this is the?

Most love that you're ever supposed to have for anybody. Mm -hmm. You know I'm saying like and I'm feeling what

I was like well actually The point that you just made so I thought that was really cool

So I've got a question When you are giving advice on somebody seeking out a mate seeking out a husband or a wife

What should be the thing? They should especially seeing us out you to have said that y 'all didn't quite find your groove until year three

What should be the thing the non -negotiable like okay these ancillary

Ancillary ancillary Can be worked out in the end if the main thing is right, what should the main?

Things be for a young lady looking for a man or for a man looking for a young lady God 100 %

I was about to say the same belief the same truth That you're gonna rely on day in and day out when life fluctuates

Yeah, there's no there's no room for missionary dating at all

If a young man or a young woman either one of them are not committed to a godly relationship

Outside of marriage it's going to be really hard to Do that together inside of marriage

I know that seemed counterintuitive and in our culture today But it's a reality

I think I would not be wrong in 100 % of the people that make it beyond 20 years

Do not love the same things about their current their spouse that they said they loved when they started 100 %

I mean you're not the same person if Jeff still loved 19 year old Gwynne that mean

I would never mature That you know it it has to grow has to be outside of yourself

If both of you if both of you are focused on God You're gonna end up in the same place if both of you are so focused on each other

And what's this attribute, and I like this or I don't like this those Yeah, that that's silly that's silly childish stuff is gonna

You have to both be fine that that ebbs and flows I mean you know

I'm not here by any means saying I'm a perfect husband or a perfect father.

I got I'm far from it I mean I go back and think of things and my failures in both roles, and it just makes me shudder but at the same time

I want to please my God and I want to walk as best

I can To what he's called me to be and you know there are times where I've run from that calling there is

But that's why God made repentance, and that's why God made our hearts

To ache when we are absent of that to run back to him and and you know

One of the things I think For a man is that he truly

Follows God not just on the outside, but on the inside Because if you follow it just on the outside you show up to church on Sunday whoop -dee -doo

You pray before you eat You're gonna grow children who see hypocrisy and If you love the

Lord And you follow after him everything else falls right into place The love of your wife the love of your children so when you get off when you get off -center from following God everything else falls well,

I think In that you know the peace and the security that he provides that he you know referenced earlier

Because I see him so strongly pursue the Lord and so Consistently sacrifice for me for his family, but specifically for me on those moments when

I have doubts when I'm You know how could he still want to stick with me.

I've gained so much weight and yada yada yada I Don't stay there because I look back and say he's been with me through this he's remained faithful to the

Lord in this All of those things just make me feel even more secure, and that's what most women

Once you get beyond those early couple years of marriage. That's what most women want. They just want to feel secure.

Yep, and I think that's what he excels the most at Always encouraging even when he's down You know those are the gifts that are worth far more than that money that he could throw at things

You know I always tell the young ladies Be a nurturer It's not weakness.

I know culture defines You know strength is strong independent woman

Well if you're strong and independent if you're independent, how are you ever going to be married?

That's the exact opposite of Dependency dependency is real strength and and When you when you come to a place

You know my grandmother was the most awesome nurturer in the world

She she was just all about service She served everybody and those are one of those those attributes that I think the world is so Successfully lied to young women today is that?

That's a weakness or that that's somehow degrading My goodness where have we come to that love and service is degrading and somehow weakness

That's it's just creative. Why yeah, it's a that's well said it is a very creative lie and and so I It's such a beautiful thing that when you serve and you put yourself last and Husbands, you know that's their job.

I always tell men Hey You punch out from work when you pull up to the front door you're punching back in and that really is your main job

That's for paycheck. This is for life and You punch back in you go in and you play with the kids even though you don't want to you play with them you know, you let them right on your back and you know, let them hit you with pillows ad nauseum and Tie you up with stuff tonight tie you up with snuff snakes snuff snakes stuff snakes and and and and yeah

Just abuse you But let them use all your carrots. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and and and make them think they can actually throw a football when they can't and all of those things

But you know listening to your wife, you know Often make this joke, you know,

I come home Gwyn can say how is your day and I can go huh? And I'm done that, you know,

I'm done, you know Gwyn. How was your day? Well when I get up this morning my hairdryer and blah blah blah blah blah blah, you know after 45 minutes

I'm just at lunchtime, you know But it's important that I listen

Be and and and it's important that that I play with the babies and then

I provide that leadership just as important as for her to nurture and for her to bring that that sense of Completion as she said earlier, that's what nurturing really is

It's completing the hammered -out rough edges that the father and the husband bring to bear again

Well, I pulled up this scripture just because something that I've noticed about this conversation is

It's a continual point back to what did you do here? What did you do here? Oh, well, I follow

God I follow God hundred percent It's just like if the two instead of and instead of focusing on each other are following God Then they end up meeting.

Mm -hmm, right? And so it reminded me of something that pastor Josiah's taught me and he said it here on the podcast as well

Is that we sometimes get caught up a whole lot in well, how what are the specifics of this?

What are the specifics of this? What do I do in this situation and God actually really simplified for us

Simplified it for us when he said love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your mind with all your soul You know, and if you do these things then by default you'll be

Obeying everything else And it just reminded me of Matthew 6 In verse starting in verse 30

But if God so closed the grass of the field which is alive today and tomorrow's thrown into the furnace

Will he not much more clothes you you have little faith. Do you not work do not worry then saying what will we eat?

What will we drink? What will we wear for clothing? But the Gentiles eagerly seek these all these things for your

Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and these things will be added to you

That's all the point of well, what did y 'all do here? What do you don't do here? well, we saw

God and We seek him out in this area and in this area in this area and then he provides us

With and that's not a and that's not a placation. That's not a church thing and that's never more real than when and very

Aptly, she said we didn't have nothing else. I mean we ate zucchini

Quesadillas Because that's that's all we had as someone gave us some zucchinis and we had some flour tortillas and it was zucchini quesadillas, you know, and and we didn't have nothing else, you know, and I Can remember

I can remember handing her a $20 bill and going this is all you got to feed us this week and We had beans and rice

There were times where I made sure everyone else ate before I ate because I didn't know if there was going to be some left

There's always a solution. There's always a solution there. There's flowers flour

Make pancakes and it can be bread. Yep. I mean she just make away you a lot of people

Falter and fail because they quit trying. Yeah, you know and and They're in marriage.

There's always stale There's always stale parts and at times you take breaks and you shouldn't

But there's always a solution if you turn back to God My My failures in life

You know being a father and being a husband I can see as a direct result of that moment

Meet being disconnected with God and then the repentant aspect of going back to him

Revived X Y & Z and I know that sometimes people will hear that and say well, that's church talk

I'm telling you the truth your success is

Absolutely linked to where you are with obedience to God and with that seeking

God if Now This is like Josiah's definition of struggling if you are truly

Seeking God. I don't mean I came to church today because I was feeling down and somebody said it might help me

That's not seeking God. I mean genuinely digging in and seeking God One of the absolute results of that is that you're going to be less and less selfish each day

Which is going to build the marriage more and more each day Well, so and so that that's why as pastor says that it's not just a church phrase seeking

God But you got to have the right definition of seeking and that's an action verb and it's tiring and and that's the other thing

You know, once again culture lies about what love looks like culture lies what marriage looks like man

It is work. It is work And and especially in our times it's attacked from every media

I mean marriage is the the comedic relief in life

You know and it is the lowest form of success by culture standards

But in reality society if you go back in society you go back in the Word of God strong family strong homes strong community strong nations and That's why so many parts of our society are failing

Men are no longer present right in homes. They're they're not most kids are born.

Most kids are born out of wedlock And in single -parent homes and we scoff at that We scoff at it and we want to attribute it to drugs or to guns or this other stuff and it's just not true

You don't get the same result changing the recipe God's Word says this is how it should be and your children

Will react differently to your mother than they will your father I mean I had five of them and each one of them.

I knew how they reacted one to another It takes both parents and it takes both parents following God and those kids following you and and and and don't sit there and Try to give your kids everything or you'll give them nothing

Give your kids the Lord Show them in your life about the

Lord and they'll be the wealthiest happiest peoples if they follow that example, and we need more discussions like this because the more we lighten the truth because we don't want to offend because Such a majority of our culture is going the wrong way

And we don't want to offend them and we don't and some of them are our friends and they're going the wrong way

No, we're doing a disservice to the generation coming up if we don't go back and say no

But this is what God's Word says It's the formula that works and changing it up because we're in a more modern time

Yeah is going to give you a different result, right and it's not going to be a good result, right?

Doing it the way God said that's where you get the good result, and I'm sorry if that hurts people's feelings

Because they've already made the mistake, but that's just the truth of it. We can't not say the truth because our

Friends our fellow believers have made wrong choices in the past and you know people are always sitting there talking about well,

I would but You know, I would but this trauma or I would but they're standing in my way or I'm would this or I would this

You're lying to yourself you're enabling yourself or others are enabling you

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not unto your own understanding and all of your ways

Acknowledge him and he will direct your paths You making excuses will never make success well, and I was just talking to to someone this morning who's choosing to be a stay -at -home mom and it's hard and and It is a hard decision

Especially when there's so many pressures from from outside on what your life should look like Yeah, but I can remember when

Jeff and I made that commitment We didn't say here's our bills. Here's how much money we have to make we said

Here's what we have is income. What do we have to give up right to live under this income, right?

Quick because the staying at home and and being the one Investing in my children was the priority quit using money as an excuse for disobedience

The reality is that if you seek God he will provide and and and you know

It's easy to sit there and go well We can't afford to do this or we can't afford to do that and we can't money is not the issue

Let your children see you struggle. Let them look let them see what it takes to take a hit

And to lose a game and the character that comes after that let them see what it is to struggle

Let them see what it is to walk through this life being, you know, a stranger in a foreign world because Christians That's what we are

And let them show let them see the character Of what you do with failure what you do with licks and and and move forward anyways

That's that's teaching something that will never be taught by schools or pastors or Sunday school classes that lesson will only be learned from your parents and And it's it's so incredibly important it just is and Pastors man get a hold of your family

Get a hold of your families. I always it's one of the things that I talked to pastors from all over and You know, their weakest link is is their children and and their wife and And you know

I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I'm sorry All right guys, well, thank you guys so much for being on If you liked what we talked about today, if you didn't like what we talked about today, let us know in the comments

If you guys wanted to have a question if you guys have a question that you want us to talk about in the future

Or even about anything that we talked about today. You can always email us at listen point taken at gmail .com

That's listen point taken at gmail .com. Otherwise, you could always drop a comment right here on this video

Think they're ready. They know how to do this Is this the deuce thing? Yeah. Yeah, I don't remember.

I remember doing well, you just said the word So I think really good and he did the hand sign. So I think that's literally the only two things about it

Okay, so until next time deuces Hey, you want to go through rocks at cars, huh?