Big Eva Presents “GeoGrowth Pro 4 Churches”
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This is a satirical commercial which points out some of the unscrupulous practices employed by megachurches to target members of smaller churches in their area. It is based on an article by Protestia.com entitled High Tech Sheep Stealing
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- 00:00
- Are you tired of having to compete with other churches in your area? Do you ever wish that you were the only name people thought of when they think about the word church?
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- Let's face it, do you envision a future where your church is the only choice for people in your community?
- 00:18
- Well, we've got just the product for you. Big Eva Tech presents GeoGrowth Pro for Churches.
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- Our innovative software leverages geofencing technology to ensure that your community sees only ads from your church.
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- With the latest in GPS technology, GeoGrowth Pro even lets you zero in on local churches and target their members with ads for your bigger and better church experience.
- 00:45
- Sound too good to be true? It's even better than you imagine. Our state -of -the -art graphics and AI production design ensure that your church's ads aren't just seen, they're irresistible.
- 00:56
- We're talking dopamine dumps that make people flock to your church, even if your theology is a steaming pile of scoobalong.
- 01:04
- And thanks to our partnership with PayPal and other online payment sites, we can even identify the regular givers in those other churches and light up their devices with amazing ads to come give you a try.
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- Because what's the point of winning people if they aren't boosting your revenue? Worried about the ethics of sheep stealing?
- 01:22
- Don't be. It's all about being the biggest church in town. Remember the words of the great prophet,
- 01:28
- Ricky Bobby, if you're not first, you're last. And remember, it's not about the method, it's about the result.
- 01:36
- Everyone knows your goal is to be a winner, so stop relying on old -fashioned methods of outdoing other churches. Call Big Eva Tech today and put them all out of business.
- 01:45
- Big Eva Tech. Because who needs ethics when you have technology? Order in the next 30 minutes and you get a free copy of our new digital game,
- 01:55
- Church Monopoly. Live out your fantasy of taking all the property, finances, and resources of other local churches.