If Denominations Did Martial Arts

I do karate because it's the most popular of all the martial arts and the people who practice it don't even care that other legitimate arts even exist.

I do Taekwondo. It's like karate but a lot flashier. We bounce around a lot and we shout.

And if you hang around long enough you're probably gonna hear some words you've never heard before. Cheer up! Kung Nu.

I practice Tai Chi because it's the only martial art that doesn't require any violence and no one ever gets hurt.

Superior theology requires a superior martial art so I practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Getting a blue belt in BJJ is better than getting a black belt in anything else.

I like things that are alone. Grace alone. Faith alone. Scripture alone. So I do boxing because boxing just uses my hands.

Sola Fistas. Come at me and you gonna catch these hands alone. I practice

Krav Maga. A fighting system that comes out of Israel and you know we support anything that's connected to Israel.

I like professional wrestling. I know it's not a martial art but I like anything where the outcome is determined from the very beginning.

I like Kung Fu because I believe it's the original martial art and everything else just split off from it.

I practice Sistema. Not too many people in West know much about Sistema. It is mysterious.

The techniques are confusing and sometimes enigmatic but that is the way we like it. I like MMA because it blends everything together.

It's really popular with young people and it doesn't have a lot of traditions. It's not a style but it's all about style just like me.

If you love Jesus you're gonna do MMA. I don't know why I need to bounce around in pajamas but I could just have me one of these.