Put Your Husband Where Your Heart Is - [Ephesians 5:21-24,33]

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Well, good evening and it is a joy to be here. Let me just say a few words of introduction as I begin
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As you can probably already tell I'm not from your part of the country.
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I am from Atlanta, Georgia, that is where I grew up along with my wife
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Charlotte We have been married now almost 33 years married on May the 27th 1978 and God and his goodness has given us four sons and we have since in recent years added three daughter -in -laws and six grandchildren four and under and Three boys and three girls and so I am not only a husband and a dad but a granddad and I'm really enjoying that Everything I was told about that is true.
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They are much better than children and And One of the delightful things is you play with them and then you get to leave them and you go home
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And so that's been very good. But anyway, you're up in Atlanta went to school in Dallas for all of my schooling then had the joy of being back at Southeastern in Wake Forest, North Carolina for four years
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Louisville where I met your pastor for eight and now back at Southeastern in Wake Forest for the last
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Seven and a half years and so God has been extremely good To me and has given me a wonderful wife and I will say to you as I begin tonight outside of the
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Lord Jesus Whom I received as my Savior when I was about 10 years old. Nothing has brought greater blessing to me than my wife
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My children and my grandchildren. I really do believe that one of God's great gifts is marriage and family
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But there's something that troubles me greatly and that is this many people are not experiencing the joy and the blessing that God intended when he said it's not good that a man is alone and so I will make him a helper who will perfectly compliment him and Unfortunately, even in the church
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There are many people who are not experiencing the joy the blessing
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What God intended for their marriage and family life to be And so my goal during the three days time with you is simply to go into the
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Bible Allow God who is by the way the creator of marriage the creator of family
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The one who gave us the wonderful gift of sex It is God who gave us all of those things to be enjoyed in a relationship with another person
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I want to simply allow God to inform us as to how it is that we can have The kind of marriage and family that he intended from the very beginning
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So if you would take your Bible and join me in the book of Ephesians the fifth chapter Ephesians chapter 5
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While you're turning there there was an article that I came across in our local paper Just a couple of years ago that caught my attention.
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It simply said looking for happiness Get married have kids and the opening paragraph the keys to happiness are simple
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Grow up not a bad idea Get married have children and go to church and this article pointed out that if that is your lifestyle
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The odds go way up that you will have a life that is fulfilling. That is a blessing and that is
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Meaningful. I was also Privy to another short article that I can recall just a couple of years ago had a very fascinating statement
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It simply said and I quote You should know you're in love Then you should know the
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Lord and that didn't seem all that profound until I read what was beneath that caption which said this bill truth 97 years of age on the secret to marital success celebrating his 80th wedding anniversary
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So now the statement seems more profound doesn't it you should know you're in love and you should know
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The Lord a simple but very profound combination for Experiencing what
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God wants us to enjoy so tonight what we're going to do is we're going to walk through this passage of Scripture I'll just simply show you what is a biblical theological foundation for both the role of a a godly wife and The role of a godly husband in the process.
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I also believe in practical theology In other words, I believe it's not only enough for us to understand very clearly what
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God has designed But also then how do we live it out? How do we put it into practice and so I'll share some things tonight and in the morning that are of a practical nature
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And along the way, we'll probably laugh a good bit and have some fun I've discovered that strong medicine goes down best when we're laughing and when it comes to marriage
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Few things are in need of stronger medicine than that I was talking to Eric on the way over here this afternoon and I said, you know
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Nothing is more delightful for me than being married and having children, but I'll tell you something and he agreed it's hard work
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In fact marriage is the hardest work. I've ever done in my life
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It requires energy it requires investment. I don't care how much you love
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Jesus in marriage You're gonna have some tough days There's never been a time in my marriage where I did not love my wife
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But there have been a number of days when I did not like her Especially when she wasn't acting like Jesus I did not like her at all all those particular days and I think if she were here this evening
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She would bear witness that there have been times in our marriage where she didn't like me very much either
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And so all of us are gonna have those kind of days all those gonna have those kind of challenges And so the issue is what do you do when they come?
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Because they are going to come and so God under the love that he has for us
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Inspired the Apostle Paul to give us very clear instructions in a number of places in the Bible about what a good healthy marriage
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Looks like and so look with me there in Ephesians chapter 5 you see it beginning in verse 22
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But actually we would be wiser to go back and at least pick up with verse 18 and so look at what the
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Bible says there beginning in Ephesians 5 18 and Do not get drunk with wine
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For this is debauchery and the word debauchery means you indulge in something to the extent that it hurts or harms you
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And so he says don't get drunk with wine so that you hurt or harm yourself But in contrast be continually filled
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With the spirit that word filled by the way is an imperative It's a word of command so God is not asking or suggesting but he commands you and me be filled with the spirit
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Secondly, it's in the present tense, which means this is to be the pattern or the habit of your life.
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You need to be Continually filled with the spirit. It's sort of like drinking water
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Drinking this morning will not suffice for this afternoon or tonight and drinking water today will not suffice for tomorrow day after day after day after day after day you are to seek the filling of The spirit now before we move on ahead you might say well
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Danny. Is there a key? To being filled with the spirit and I believe the answer is yes
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If I could give you a single word I would say I think the key to being filled with the spirit is the word submission and that is submitting to the will and the ways of God But I think there's a even greater insight for us to this and that's found in Colossians chapter 3 and for just a moment
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Turn over there Colossians chapter 3 in verse 16 Actually, what you have is the parallel account if you've studied
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Ephesians and Colossians You know that they are sometimes referred to as sister epistles.
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In fact, they are twin epistles They're not identical but they're twins because they talk basically about the same thing in the same order and so you actually find the parallel to Ephesians 5 18 in Colossians chapter 3 and verse 16 where the
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Bible says Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly
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Teaching and admonishing one another in all Wisdom that word dwell means to make itself at home
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And so Paul is telling us that we are to allow the Word of Christ to make itself home in us richly in all wisdom in other words
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To the degree that you and I allow the Word of God the Word of Christ to be at home in our lives to that same degree
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Will you experience the filling of the Spirit and so you cannot experience the filling of the
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Spirit apart from a Baptism if you like into the Word of Christ the
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Word of God You've got to know the word and then you submit to the word and as you submit to the word
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God then uses that act on your part to move you into the realm of being filled
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With the Holy Spirit now go back to Ephesians chapter 5 and look at what the
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Bible says happens when you are filled with the Spirit he says there in verse 19 personally, you'll address one another in Psalms and Hymns and spiritual songs you will sing and make melody to the
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Lord with your heart Furthermore, you will give thanks always for Everything to God the
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Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Well verse 19 and verse 20. That's that's fine
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It's not too difficult for me to come together with brothers and sisters and the Lord and to sing and and make melody and and to Give thanks for everything.
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Well, I struggle that but I know I'm supposed to do it So I will that's a very private individual kind of a thing, but now verse 21 submitting to one another out of Reverence or respect for Christ so God calls all members of the body of Christ to have an attitude a disposition of Submission where I am seeking your good ahead of my own
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Where I'm yielding my rights to you for your betterment for your edification for your building up in the body of Christ Why that's still you know something that's that's not terribly difficult to do
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But now Paul says let's let the rubber meet the road And let's move into that most difficult of all areas of life for the spirit -filled life to exhibit itself and that is let's move into your marriage and Let's look at what a spirit -filled believer looks like in the relationship of marriage and family life
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And so it begins first of all with the wife. Now, here's what we're going to see in our time together God basically gives a two -fold job description to each member of the family
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First of all, he talks to wives and we're going to see tonight He tells a wife when you're filled with the
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Spirit number one You will submit to your husband and number two, you will respect your husband.
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That's your twofold job description we will see later this evening that he says to a husband that you are to love your wife and You are to know or understand your wife.
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That's your twofold job description Later we will see that God tells children in chapter 6 that they are to obey mom and dad and They're to honor mom and dad and that's their twofold job description.
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And then finally he will speak to parents and Specifically to fathers and we've talked a lot to the man especially in the morning and he says to the fathers that you are to Educate your children and you are to be an encouragement to your children
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And so there is the twofold job description that the Lord gives each member of the family
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So tonight we're going to begin with the ladies and we're going to see that there's two things He calls a wife to do she is to submit and she is to respect.
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So look at verse 22 wives Submit to your own husband. And here's the key phrase ladies as to The Lord well
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Paul what's the rationale for you calling me to submit or yield to my own husband as to the
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Lord verse 23 The husband is the head of the wife Even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its
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Savior now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their
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Husbands now, there's a mouthful there. So let's unwrap some of this first of all interestingly The word submit does not occur in verse 22 in the original
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Greek text. It's not there. You say. Oh So I maybe don't have to do that.
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Well, it's in verse 24 twice. So it's there So no, there's no loophole there furthermore
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Grammatically it is correct to bring the idea of submission over from verse 21.
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That is correct Greek grammar, but This is for the fun of it.
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Take the word submit out of verse 22 and read it wives to your own husbands as to the
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Lord Well that doesn't make it any weaker If anything that strengthens the admonition and so the
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Bible says a godly Spirit -filled woman will relate in her marriage to her husband as to the
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Lord in other words when you submit to him you're submitting to Christ and you're honoring
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Christ by your Submission in that relationship and he helps you understand the rationale for it
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There is an analogy that the Bible gives between Christ and the church and a husband and a wife
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And so as Christ is the head of the church your husband is the head of your marital relationship
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And so as the church submits to Christ verse 24, so wives should submit in everything to their husbands
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Now that word submit. I know it's not a Pleasant word and if we're not careful we can even draw a faulty conclusion about it
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Which often happens out there in the secular culture and that is this submission equals inferiority
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Submission equals inferiority that's often what is said back in 1998
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Southern Baptist Added an article on the family to our
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Baptist faith and message confession of faith that in that particular article on the family It said that a wife should submit
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Graciously to her husband. Well the secular media went into apoplexy they went nuts and we got phone calls and we did interviews and we wrote articles and I had one particular person contact me
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Say where in the world? Did you get the idea that a wife should submit to her husband and I simply said from the
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Bible It's in the Bible right here in Ephesians chapter 5
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And so he came back and said so you think that women are inferior to men.
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That's it. Absolutely not. I Said I believe that women bear the image of God in exactly the same way that a man bears the image of God in terms of having it in its fullness and Totality men and women are equal image
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Bearers of God and so submission has nothing to do with you in your essence
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Submission has to do with your assignment With your function and to help you really get this idea of inferiority out of your mind
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Let me give you a good theological exam very quickly I assume that that brother might be the faithful exposer and theologian that he is has taught you correctly, but we're about to find out
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You got what? Lots of visitor. Well, that's all right We will hope that they too have been schooled correctly from wherever place they have come and so father
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I used to teach systematic theology. So I'm gonna give you an exam two questions So you're gonna make 150 or zero.
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All right, so here we go question number one When we think of the
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Christian God The Trinity Do we believe the
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Bible teaches that the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit are each?
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fully completely and equally God Very good.
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Yes, absolutely We are not without being disparaging Mormons Jehovah's Witnesses Christian scientists
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Unification Church, we're not we're not Muslims Buddhists Hindus or Jews We're Christians who believe in a doctrine called the
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Trinity that teaches that God exists as one God Yet in three distinct persons
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Father Son and Holy Spirit and whatever it is that makes God God The Father is all of that.
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The Son is all of that and the Spirit is all of that. We believe in their essential Equality.
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All right, very good question number two in His assignment to save you and me from our sins
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Is God the Son? Submissive to God the Father Yes, very good.
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Yes Jesus says in John's gospel He who has seen me has seen the
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Father the Father and I are one before Abraham was I am great decorations of his full deity
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Yet in that same gospel, he says this the Father is greater than I Wow What does that mean?
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He says in that gospel I have come to do your will I only do that which my father shows me.
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So what he is saying is in my essence I am equal to my father as God, but in my assignment,
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I gladly I joyfully I willingly submit for the purpose of redeeming a people
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Called by my name that is why his submission is nothing to do with his essence.
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It is with his assignment It is the same for you ladies You're submitting to your husband is no sign of inferiority
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Anymore, then Scott the son submit to God the father is a sign of inferiority. It is not and So really tonight
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I want to bless you by just sharing that your ultimate role model For how you yield in your marriage to your husband is how the
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Lord Jesus the Son of God yields to God the Father Now, let me pick up on one other phrase before I move ahead
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It says there in verse 24 that a wife should submit in everything to their husband
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Question Does the word everything there mean without any exception or qualification?
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And I believe the answer is No No, no
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So you think there are certain contexts where I? Don't have to submit
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Yes, that's what I think. Wow, that's good Where is my pen and let me get my little notebook out that they gave us because I want to know where that is
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Well, I don't know that it's going to Float your boat so to speak, but I'll tell you what
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I believe in this particular area. I Believe if your husband were to ask you to do something that falls into one of four categories
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Then I think not only should you not submit I think biblically you are obligated
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Not to submit You say where are those? If he were to ask you to do something that it is illegal
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Immoral Unethical are Plainly unbiblical
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Then you have to say no Illegal immoral unethical or unbiblical
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In other words, my wife Charlotte who is a wonderful precious godly woman who does submit to me
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Has said on more than one occasion if I ever have to make a choice Between honoring Jesus and honoring
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Danny then Danny loses Every single time and I praise
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God for that I deserve to lose if there is a decision to be made between honoring me and honoring
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Jesus And so if your husband were to ask you to do something that falls into one of those categories that I believe
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That you would be responsible Obligated to say yes to Jesus and no to him
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All right We raise another issue and I'm amazed here because I I've even heard in recent days some some folks that are dear to me
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Allegedly affirming this and I'm not going to believe it till I actually hear it with my own ears But let me raise this issue.
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Does being submissive mean that you stay in an abusive relationship? Where you and perhaps your children are in physical danger.
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No, I don't believe that at all Now, let me put my cards on the table I've never one time in 34 years in ministry.
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Not one time. Have I ever? Counseled anyone to get a divorce. I've never ever counseled divorce
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I believe God is in the business of reconciliation and restoration
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And so as long as there's any possibility for a broken relationship to be restored
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I hold out hope and that's what I pray for and that's what I work toward so I don't counsel persons to get a divorce
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Have I though counseled people to separate? Yes, I think I have more for that in 1st
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Corinthians chapter 7 Have I counseled a mate a woman for me each time?
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To separate and even take out a warrant to have an abusive spouse
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Arrested. Yes that I have done That's why I don't believe that being submissive means you stay in a relationship where you get your brains beat out
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I don't believe that at all. I Don't believe that you are required to put yourself in in physical harm and danger
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But outside of those particular categories, I do believe the Bible teaches that you will bless your husband and You will honor
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God by your submission that he's about what if I don't agree with him?
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Well, hopefully he has enough sense to listen to you the Bible does say there is wisdom in the counsel of many and I will tell you that my wife in my 33 years of being married to her has been a wonderful counselor to me and she has insight and a perspective that I don't have and so I Always to the best of my ability to seek her wisdom and seek her insight
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But ultimately I have to stand before God and give an account for how well I let our family that will not be her
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Accounting that will be mine. And therefore you may disagree with him, but God's called him to leave
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So you should pray for him You should seek to share your perspective and a
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God -honoring way But when everything is said and done you trust God to lead your husband and you pray for him and you trust him
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And you follow him and I believe God will honor your obedience to his word
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So the first thing you do is you bless him by Submitting to him but secondly you also bless him by respecting him and we find that idea at the end of verse 33 where the
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Bible says and Let the wife see that she respects In that word you have also the ideas of honoring you even have the idea
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I believe of Admiration and so a wife provides a twofold blessing to her husband by submitting to him and also by Admiring or by respecting him now at this point.
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I'm moving from a biblical theology to practical theology How do you do this?
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How do you live out day and day out these two parameters these two?
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admonitions these two directives that God has given you in terms of Submitting and respecting your husband.
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How do you do this? Practically if you are a note -taker ladies I will give you very quickly in addition to those two ideas
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About five things that I think you can do on a day -by -day basis that will allow you in that intimacy of relationship to Submit and admire your husband in a way
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That he will understand and appreciate in a way that will connect with his heart and will connect with him in the sense
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This is how God made him and this is how he will respond Well to you loving him in this kind of very clear and tangible way
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All right, so five ideas very quickly. Number one. I do believe you bless him with your admiration in other words
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You let him know that you are proud of him and you are proud to say this man is my
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Husband, I'll be very personal. I hope that you like me I'm like most normal people
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I like to be liked and so I hope that when I leave on Sunday that you say to your brother
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Mike Hey good call Good to have brother Danny Enjoyed hearing him teach hung out with him a little bit during the breaks and he seems like a nice guy
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He was my next -door neighbor. I wouldn't be upset. I hope that you like me, okay but No disrespect
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There is a sense in which I don't give a rip what any of you think about me
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I don't care as Long as I know that this brown -eyed brunette named
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Charlotte That I will have been married to for 33 years this coming May believes in me
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She loves me She's proud of me You see you might not like me because you don't know me
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If she doesn't like me it is because She knows me And I cannot explain it, but I simply say to you tonight that I believe that most men like me outside of the
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Lord Jesus Care more about what their wives think about them than anybody else
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This came home to me very painfully a number of years ago We were living in Dallas I was teaching at a college and I was invited to speak in chapel
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Well, I'm speaking in chapel to a bunch of PhDs in New Testament Hebrew theology the whole gamut
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Preaching to a bunch of young men and older men that were preparing for ministry. And so I prepared
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I mean I Prepared for the sermon that I preached in that chapel. In fact, I probably spent no exaggeration here 40 to 50 hours on that one sermon now
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I preached a sermon on Philippians chapter 2 verses 1 through 11. Most of you would know verse 5
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Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus and then what follows is what many
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Bible scholars believe was an early Christian hymn And so I went into the the hymnic nature of that Psalm in the
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Greek text I did detailed word studies of the Greek words cannot Oh Harper con and her pogmas.
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I introduced to our faculty and our students the theological issues of what is called the hypostatic
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Union and canonic Christology Are we not being blessed yet?
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I mean are you just kind of looking at me like a deer in the headlights? and so anyway, I unwrapped all of that in that message and that's
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College Chapel and got wonderful affirmation from my colleagues and my students and so about four months later
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We went back to Atlanta where my mom and dad and Charlotte's mom lived and a friend of mine down in the middle part
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Of Georgia in a city called Griffin a country town Called me up and said hey brother Danny Understand you're coming back to Georgia for Christmas.
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Why don't you come down and preach at my church? So I said I'd be honored so on a Sunday night before Christmas I Drive down to Mount Gilead Baptist Church in Griffin, Georgia, and hey
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Philippians chapter 2 is a wonderful Christmas text. It talks about the incarnation
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So I preached to a bunch of country folks in Griffin, Georgia And I preached my sermon exactly
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Like I preached it in that College Chapel. I did my word studies of Harper con her pogmas and cannot
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I Delved into the mysteries of canonic Christology and the hypostatic
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Union got through felt really good about myself I had received some some kind words from some folks on the way out
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But again is Mike and I were talking while ago when we you leave on Sunday morning Most of you should repent once you get past us because you lie to us
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You lie and we know you live out of the way you're not fooling us. You know, I greatest term I've ever heard.
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Well, you're lying Don't say that after you never miss it. No. Yes, we do.
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We mess up sometimes It's ugly. And so y 'all lied to us and we know that you're lying and you should repent of your lying.
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But anyway Some folks had said some nice things to me And so I got in my car our van
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Do it back up to Atlanta where we were staying with my mom and dad and I did What virtually every preacher on the planet does after he gets through preaching he gets in his automobile
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He looks at his wife and he says honey How did I do Well, my wife heard that question and she said oh
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You did fine All right timeout Rewind let's analyze number one
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Anytime anybody begins a sentence with the word. Oh They mean oh, no
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Not ask that and I'm now trying to find some words that allow me to tell the truth without pulverizing you
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So I picked up on it just like that secondly, it doesn't take a married person long of the male gender to realize that women are masters of code language
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Code language, but the words mean nothing It is the feeling behind the words that means everything and so I knew that fine did not mean fine
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Fine meant bad you crashed and burned. It wasn't pretty and so I fired back.
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What do you mean? I didn't do good Now that's poor grammar, but we don't care about grammar at a time like that I said, what do you mean?
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I didn't do good and she said well, I didn't say that So yes, you did you said fine, but you didn't mean fine now
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I don't know the truth. I can take it now is lying. Of course, that's not I Don't know what you really think and so my sweet wife said well if you really want to know what
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I think honey, I Think you forgot who you were preaching to I mean, these are just country folks just regular
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Normal people like me. I mean, honey You use some big words tonight.
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I mean you use some words. I've never heard before And I responded well if you'd gone to college like me, you know those words
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Amazing but dumb They can come out of the human mouth and especially the male human mouth
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And so she looked at me and she said well fine, which fine didn't mean fine again
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I Said you care so much about what I think. Why don't you just shut up and leave me alone.
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I Didn't have to leave her alone She left me alone for about two weeks best I remember it is this was not a happy time around our house now you might say to me
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Well, you acted like a fool. I'm guilty as charged Well, why did you act like that?
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It hurt my feelings It hurt my family. It didn't matter that others. It said I did well She said
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I didn't do well and I cannot explain it but God Wires a man in such a way that he does care deeply about what his wife
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Thinks and believes about him and I'll put it in my world and I'll move on I've watched ministers all my life since about 20 to 34 years
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And I discovered a very interesting On one hand a blessed thing on the other hand a tragic thing.
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Here's what I've learned a Great woman Can take a mediocre man and she will pull him up and make him better You do have that much influence
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On the other hand a Not so great woman
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Can take a great man And she'll pull him down to the label label level of the mediocre or even lower you have that much influence
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In the life of this man and the Bible says you can bless him By your respect by the way, you admire and encourage him.
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All right secondly Practically speaking. I believe a wife can be a blessing to her husband by providing a wonderful intimate life
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Now we're big people tonight. And so let me just very quickly remind us of something sex
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Was God's idea It was not your idea It was not my idea
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Sex was God's idea and personally I think God was having a really good day when he came up with this particular thing
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I think was one of God's very best days myself. That's just my own personal opinion. All right, but the fact matter is a good intimate life
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Doesn't just happen by by accident is something that requires Planning is something that requires
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Study and it certainly requires communication You have to communicate well with one another if you're going to enjoy this aspect of your marital life
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Now there's a challenge here and there's a wonderful analogy that Gary Smalley and John Trent provided for us
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That thing helps us at least get a handle on why this is an area of some challenge it and they pointed this out
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And this has all sorts of practical ramifications for us who are parents as well. So listen very carefully
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Men Gary says are very much like Microwave ovens when it comes to the intimate part of life
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Women on the other hand he says are very much like crockpots And I didn't say crackpots
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I said crockpots, okay Crockpots. All right, you say what do they mean?
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Here's what he means Men are creatures of sight Men are moved by what they see and When a man sees what he likes
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He's very much like our microwave oven and he can heat up and it takes him no time at all
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There's a 12 billion dollar industry in America called pornography 12 billion dollars 95 % it used to be 99 % which teaches us and informs us of the growing perversion of our culture 95 % of all pornography is viewed by men 95 % and so men are wired
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Visually By the way that then should impact those of us who are here tonight as parents
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With respect to what we will do if we have been blessed by God with daughters
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And I will tell you again. I have been utterly amazed in my 34 years in ministry and how some parents will allow their teenagers to leave the house just dumbfounded
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I Mean if I can just be blunt, which is the way I'm wired You're basically allowing her to parade around like a
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Christian slut. Is that really what you want? Do you really want guys to be undressing your daughter and having relation with her in their mind?
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Because any male in this room that's normal will tell you yeah, honey That's what we do because that's how depraved and fallen and sinful our minds are apart from the redeeming grace of God, right?
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God, am I lying? No, you know, it's true So, what are we doing? We need to teach our sisters to Conduct themselves and dress themselves in a way.
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It doesn't cause their brothers to quickly stumble in that regard Now guys, let me be back on you though.
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Job 31 one makes it very clear Job says I made a covenant with my eyes not to look inappropriately
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Upon a young maiden upon a young woman upon a young virgin. So you're responsible for where your eyes go
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So it's not what's their fault. No, it's your fault It's your fault for looking at things you ought not to be looking at and for dwelling on objects that you ought not to dwell
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On no, no, no. No, you are just as comfortable and just as responsible. All right, but bottom line
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Men are creatures of sight. They're moving what they say guys Women are much more creatures of the ear and of the heart and therefore like a crock pot.
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They have to kind of simmer a while Before they will be ready and so you need to understand in this intimate relationship
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That you have to approach her in that kind of a way Speaking to her ear ministering to her heart which by the way is
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One of the ways that a man loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her which we'll talk about in The next session, but here's my point.
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I'll move on sex is a good gift from a great God That is to be wonderfully experienced and enjoyed within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman and No marriage will ever be everything
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God wants it to be without the intimate part being a a joyful blessed aspect of that relationship
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All right, so you can bless him by providing that kind of intimacy. All right number three
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You can bless him with home support You can bless him with home support you say what do you mean by that?
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Well, let me just provide you a colloquial phrase that will put everything into Perspective you'll have me fill in the blank in the home
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If mama ain't happy what? Nobody is going to be happy now ladies
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That may not be fair. It's probably not But it is true It is absolutely true in the home if mama ain't happy ain't
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Nobody going to be happy now before I address this for you Let me put it in context.
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First of all I've discovered in almost 34 years of being married that a good godly woman who loves
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Jesus Can have a bad day. I mean a good woman who loves
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Jesus can have a bad day I mean think about my poor wife for some reason
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God judged her and condemned her to live for years in a male dormitory with me and four sons.
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I Came home one day true story. All my stories are true. I came home one day and she met me at the door
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She's gonna tell you something boys will do things a dog won't do
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I To this day do not know what they did.
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I don't want to know what they did I don't need to know what they did I suspect that what she said is true. And so my poor wife was forced to live in a male dormitory
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Well, anyway, my boys and I came up with a code And the code was to help each other out when mom was having that bad day because even good godly women who love
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Jesus are Every now and then gonna have a bad day So we came up with the code mama has got that look in her eye and that was our way of Warning each other just kind of be careful because just be you know, be on your
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P's and Q's and so anyway I came home one day and all four boys came out on the front porch shut the door and said we need to talk and when you talk right now and Timothy my youngest the verbal one said daddy
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The look it's back and it's back big time and you need to do something So I uh,
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I said well Let me let me go into the house and just kind of check out the temperature and see what
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I find Carefully and quietly went into the house stepped into the foyer
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Looked in through the kitchen and there she was against the sink doing some business And folks
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I can tell you by the way her body language spoke to me She had the look I mean,
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I didn't have to see her eyes Although they came around and stared out back of her head scared me to death. I I quietly and quickly went back outside Got the four boys in a male home.
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I said guys You're right the look is back and and it's back big time and and they said well, what are we gonna do?
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That's what guys Here's dad's counsel every man for himself I Said I've seen this look before and it basically says
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I need to be left alone for about two or three hours And so I'm gonna leave her alone. I Suggest you leave her alone.
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And if you cross her path and get in trouble, don't call for me because I'm not coming I am
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NOT coming. We are all on our own. All right But now ladies, this will be the most painful part of my three days with you right here
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So just go ahead and warn you in advance And so put your put your boots on and make sure they're steel toes because because here we go.
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All right a man Absolutely cannot stand to be around a nagging griping whiny woman
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We we can't stand it. In fact, you're a note -taker Just just drop these down Proverbs 9 13
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Proverbs 19 13 Proverbs 21 9 Proverbs 21 19
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Proverbs 25 24 now case you missed them your husband will write them down now.
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So here we go guys Proverbs 9 13 Proverbs 19 13
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Proverbs 21 9 Proverbs 21 19 and Proverbs 25 24 and what those
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Proverbs will say is a man would rather live in the desert on the Roof or in an attic than with a the
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King James used to say a contentious woman That's a fancy way of saying that you drive you nag and you whine
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Now well you get mad at me, please know I'm saying what I'm saying because I love you What will a man do if he lives with such a woman?
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What's really quite simple? fight or flight fight or flight
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Let me unwrap that very quickly fight some men fight their wives, but most don't Most men do not physically
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Fight their wives. In fact research is pretty consistent over the last 20 to 30 years spousal abuse is twice as common among those who cohabit as those who are married and spousal abuse is negligible
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Among those who are by believing faithful evangelicals So most men who have spiritual convictions and commitments will not hit their wives
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And praise God Well, he won't fight you physically. He might fight you
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Verbally, but he won't do that very long either You so why not cause we lose We lose
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We are not capable really of engaging you successfully in a verbal battle.
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You say why not? Well, it's really quite simple Research again has been very consistent here over the last 30 years the average male
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Can generate about ten to twelve thousand words a day That's what the average male is capable of producing the average female 20 to 25 thousand words a day with gusts up to 50 and I Am kidding about the gust
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I I think it's true, but I have no data for it So I can't make that argument but but the fact matter is you all are verbal animals
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You just are I mean God has blessed us now with six grandchildren four and under Three boys three girls.
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There's no contest. It's no contest. I mean, I mean Maddie is four and already talks like a
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PhD Levi's almost two he can't hardly talk at all. I mean we're beginning to like, you know
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Is there a tongue in there? I mean, you know, he makes noises and you know That's just the way they are and immigration is not even two and she makes put synthesis together already
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No, you know five -year -old boys can't do that. And so I mean, it's just the way that you're wired and put together
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So why would we engage you in something that very quickly we get our brains beat out and furthermore and my wife always says
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I have To share that because you think it's so funny You all have this this this weapon that is completely beyond our ability to counter and that's called female logic
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It's like a stun gun You see, I let me just again. No, no bragging here
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I made only 870 on the SAT the first time in 910 the second time you said you have a
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PhD Yeah, that means I went to school a long time. That's all it means, but I have a minor in philosophy
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So I took classes in logic discourse analysis I read the philosophical edition.
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So I'm pretty good at putting together a good logical argument So I'll be engaging
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Charlotte in a healthy conversation and all of a sudden she'll say something and it's like, you know
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If I live 10 ,000 lives I would never think of it like that And I'm stunned.
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I mean, I mean, it's like getting paid She teases me and I and I can't respond and then all she goes and the arguments over and I'm done
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I'm done. So I just have to throw in the towel. So and I get paid for speaking by the way I mean, I'm more
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I'm better than most men. I mean we get paid to do this stuff But I mean we just get slammed and so if we can't if we can't fight
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We'll take flight Now some men walk out of their marriages some men praise
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God Stay married But they still walk away and they become
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Workaholics they become those guys that at least every weekend
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Are almost every weekend are engaged in a hundred and one
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Extracurricular activities that will keep them away from the house
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Now, I know this part of the country, you know Some of you guys, you know, and I know I'm walking on real eggshells here
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But hey, we're deep into it. So might as well go for the whole thing Some of you guys spend a lot of time out there
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Fishing and hunting. I don't get that by the way. I mean, why would you want to kill Bambi?
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Well, I mean why shoot Rocky the squirrel? I mean, you know, I've actually thought about this I really have it and I put it again in a kind of a a logical
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Dichotomy here. Here's your options option. Number one. I Can be up in a tree in a thing called a deer stand
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About five o 'clock in the morning and especially up here freezing to death Or I can be back home in a warm bed
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Hugging my woman This is a no -brainer. I mean, I mean you guys need to be in therapy.
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You need drugs and therapy Okay, you need drugs and therapy. That's what you need. I mean, I do not get it.
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I don't know Well, you just gotta be out there. Well, no, I don't No, I don't. No, I don't warm is better than cold and being in a bed other than in a tree
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Is better than you know, this is not hard. All right, so but anyway some guys just you know So if you're not hunting and fishing you're like this friend of mine back in Wake Forest Who in the fall plays in three softball leagues in the spring?
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Plays in three softball leagues in the summer plays in three softball leagues Which most softball teams have two games a week.
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You can do the math six games a week plus tournaments And I remember running into him one day at the shopping center and I said, you know
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I've been trying to get in touch with you and every time I call your house at night, you're never home I said man You gotta stay home once in a while and you know hug your wife and play with the kids and beat the dog and just be a normal, you know dad and He said hey
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You do these marriage seminars, don't you? I said well, yeah, I do Well, I bet you tell those folks that men need peace and quiet.
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I I do Well brother, I found my peace and quiet It's in left field on a softball field that's tragic
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Because peace and quiet ought not to be reserved for left field a softball game.
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It ought to be in your own home Ladies, you are the key. You are the you're the emotional hub of the family
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If you like you're the thermostat of the home If he gets really hot with you he gets hot for everybody
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If you get cool, it cools off for everybody That's one of the ways that you also can be a blessing
51:31
Practically to this man. All right, two more now. We'll take a break Strive to be an attractive woman
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Strive to be an attractive woman at the Bible actually has a lot to say about this First of all, the
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Bible had a lot to say about it on the inside That first Peter chapter 3 verses 1 through 6 speak of what it means for you to be a beautiful woman on the inside it speaks in terms of a godly woman who has a gentle and quiet spirit that the
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Bible says is Precious in the sight of God Now ladies everyone of you that is here tonight can strive to be a beautiful lady on the inside You can strive to grow to be more like Jesus.
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Here's the beauty of that Number one that beauty will last for all of eternity
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And here's what I really like That beauty on the inside will enhance your physical appearance on the outside In other words, if you're pretty in here, you'll be prettier out here.
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On the other hand, you can be drop -dead gorgeous If you're not very pretty in here after a while, you won't be very attractive outwardly either
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And so what you are in here is going to either detract or enhance who you are on the outside But the outside does matter and in fact, there's a whole book called the
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Song of Solomon eight chapters Dedicated to how you have a wonderful intimate personal life in the context of marriage and here's what's fascinating Three times in that book from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet
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Solomon describes the Shulamite woman his wife in exquisite detail
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Now there's a couple of things very fascinating about this number one He thought she was drop -dead gorgeous.
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It is I mean he even says I have been bewitched by you He finds her that if I could use or I'm ravished by you, so he thought she was absolutely beautiful But here's what
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I also like You read those three descriptions in that poetic Hebrew way and you don't have a clue what she looks like You have no idea what the
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Shulamite woman looks like. All you know is that he thought she was beautiful Now I'll just go ahead again put my cards on the table.
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I just don't think you can improve upon five foot six and a half Brown -eyed brunettes who are 52 years old
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If you told me when I was 21 years old That I would find a 52 year old woman
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Absolutely drop -dead gorgeous and ravishing. I would have told you you've lost your mind, but I do today
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And I sleep with her as often as I can And been doing so for 33 years and so different men
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Find different women attractive and you need to understand that for whatever reason he found you attractive because he married you and Men don't tend to marry women.
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They don't find attractive. Okay, they just they just don't do that All right, and so you said well, I've got him now
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Well, I know you got him, but you want to keep me and if you know, you're gonna keep him You want to keep him happy and so bless him by being the kind of lady that takes seriously
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Her outward physical appearance as well as her inward spiritual appearance
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Let's say a lot here, but I will throw one thing out and I'll move on This will make some of you ladies mad, but the men will love me for it
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It would be good if I took a moment to say something about an evil wicked
55:18
Demonic thing called a flannel gown. Can I just take a moment pastor and talk about the demonic nature of flannel gowns and I may give an invitation for most of you women to come to repent
55:31
And since I'm here I'll go ahead and deal with cotton socks, too I mean we should the whole, you know full metal jacket dealt with there is no such thing as a sexy flannel gown
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It does not exist You say how do you know I've looked I've looked
55:45
I've looked all over the country. I've been into I've been into Victoria's Secrets I even when it was in existence snuck into Fred Pollywood every now and then say guys you got a got a sexy final
55:54
Got I can buy my wife. That's it. That doesn't exist. I was speaking one time at a church in in Laurel, Mississippi After I got finished this little lady came up to me and if looks could kill
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I would not be with you tonight She comes up to me and she's mad And she says my husband would like to talk to you and she goes away and here he comes
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But he's not mad that boy is grinning from this year He gives me a big bear hug it says man
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Where have you been all my married life? I? Want to invite you over the house tonight because we're gonna have a granny gown bonfire.
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I Spoke about this one time in a black Baptist Church That the brothers got excited and a guy left the third row over there came up on the platinum got up came up here
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Gave me a high -five and hugged my neck. I think he was agreeing with me And so I've just got universal testimony out there that when it comes to you being a blessing to us
56:59
In other words, can you be a godly woman and wear flannel? No, I move on Number five we take our break bless your husband by becoming
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His best friend Many times in the song of Solomon she refers to him as her brother
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Would you say that doesn't sound very very sexy? It's not intended to be sexy, but it intended to be intimate in terms of communicating friendship now hear me hear me.
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Well If Mike had told me when I got here tonight and we talked about this again, he was pulling and picking at me
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He said you always make it clear that when you're here I'm an authority over you and I said, that's right.
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I'm here as your guest And so you're my authority. And so if he had said to me, hey something's happened.
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Hey, you got five minutes We only gonna get five minutes for teaching tonight. And so give them your best shot in your five minutes
57:55
Well, I would start very quickly with the gospel And I'd make sure you understand that your home has to be built around Jesus and the gospel or it will never be what
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God designed it to be But then I would come out that say now now Let me give you a practical word before we leave and this is the in this practical order is this you need to work
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At becoming one another's best friend Because if you will become best friends in your marriage,
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I can promise you that I can guarantee you two things Number one your marriage will be a blessing and number two your marriage will last and go the distance
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I can guarantee those two things. You say how can you do that? Because best friends number one don't give up on best friends that's why you're called best friends and Secondly you like hanging out with your best friend
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And so if you and your mate grow to be best friends Your marriage will last and it will be a blessing when
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I got married. I was 21 Charlotte was 19 Did I think I was marrying my best friend?
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No What did your pastor tell you? Well the week before my wife and I married on a
58:57
Sunday night after preaching a wonderful Exposition from the book of Daniel our pastor stood in the pulpit with tears running down his face and he announced
59:05
But after 20 years of marriage he and his wife were separating and getting a divorce The next morning we met with him the only time because I was living in Dallas, Texas The year before we married in fact,
59:17
I only saw her two weeks before we got married in a year's period of time So it was like hey great to know you glad you're my wife.
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Let's try to you know, figure each other out So on Monday, he comes in and says, you know, I have a lot of things
59:30
I normally say but after last night, I don't like I have anything I can say So I'll just see you all at the rehearsal dinner Friday night.
59:36
That was the totality of our premarital counseling So we get married. I'm 21, but a very young Sport kind of immature 21 year old and I think
59:47
I'm just marrying this really good -looking Voluptuous brown -eyed brunette that will be fun to hug and kiss and she's gonna take good care of me
59:53
That's that's what I thought I was getting and I thought this was gonna be and I by the way was correct She does all of those things for me but today
01:00:03
If you would ask me hey You got any best friends? Yeah, I did I've got an inner circle of about four men
01:00:12
All men would never be a woman That I'm very close to very accountable to I Believe they would guard my back in the foxhole.
01:00:20
Okay, I believe they take a bullet for me and Those are precious gifts, by the way
01:00:27
But inside that circle is an innermost circle of one and In there is the very best friend that I have and that best friend is my wife, sir
01:00:37
Now I can tell you that because we've grown to be best friends our marriage even though we've had hard times is a blessing
01:00:45
And our marriage even though we've had some difficult days I I have no doubt is going to last and it's going to go the distance
01:00:54
Now I close with this but this will super -duper bless you If you become your husband's best friend, guess what?
01:01:04
He'll find you attractive If you're your husband's best friend that home will be a place of rest and rejuvenation
01:01:14
If you are your husband's best friend, you'll be his lover And if you are your husband's best friend, he will know that you respect him and that you admire him so out of this love for Jesus that Motivates you to submit to him and respect him.
01:01:32
You just work really hard in that context of being his best friend And watch how
01:01:37
God honors that and blesses that in an incredible way Let me pray for you
01:01:42
Heavenly Father. I Thank you for these ladies that are here tonight. I pray Lord that you will bless them
01:01:48
I pray that you'll give them a passion for Jesus and his gospel that they will love him more than anything
01:01:56
And yet out of that great love for him. They then will want to honor him and please him
01:02:03
By being a godly wife and a godly mother Now, I pray Lord that therefore they would find joy in submission and respect of their husbands and Living out that those attitudes of submission and respect
01:02:20
They would let their husband know how I'm proud of you I enjoy you
01:02:27
I want our home to be a place that is a blessing and a refuge for you and I want to be the kind of lady that you just are so proud of on the inside as well as the out and I do want to be your best friend
01:02:42
I want you to know that you can come to me at any time in any way and I would never abuse that That relationship
01:02:49
I would never take advantage of of our friendship You can trust me with anything
01:02:55
You can trust me with your life And I will take care of you and Lord that kind of woman brings great honor to Jesus and She also is a wonderful blessing to the man that you have brought into her life
01:03:10
So give the ladies Lord that that passion for you And that love for their mate that they might show a cynical skeptical world or Jesus really does