Divorce

Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston. No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the Apostle Paul said, But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.

In short, if you like smooth, watered-down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you. By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the divine trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her King.

Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth.

The Importance of Biblical Doctrine

Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry. This is Mike Abendroth. We have a slogan here. Always biblical, always provocative, always in that order. What we want to do is talk about issues that will intrigue you, that will make you want to listen.

If you agree with me, that's fine. If you disagree with me, that's fine as well. We don't have to all agree on every little issue, but I want you to agree with me on this, that the Word of God is important.

Theology matters. Doctrine is important. What you believe about God, truth about God and His Word, His Son, His Son's atonement, His Son's sacrificial substitutionary death, His Son's literal resurrection, those things are very, very important.

You have to be right on those things or you're in big trouble, eternally in trouble. And so we like to pick topics that are stimulating mentally, that make you think about God with your mind. You are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul.

What's the next one? Mind and strength. And so that's what we're looking at today. We're looking at part two of the issue, divorce, remarriage. I don't know if we're going to get to singleness or not today.

I have about 24 minutes to talk, and I try to talk quickly so I can jam 38 minutes into 24, but there's only so much one person can do. Let's talk about divorce. Last time we looked at divorce and how divorce is something that's very, very rampant today.

Sadly, not just at work, not just at school, not just over in other countries in Europe, but rampant in evangelical churches. Liberal churches, yes, but evangelical churches as well. And similar to homosexuality, divorce is desiring, those who promote divorce are desiring us to celebrate divorce.

Those that have been divorced, they want it to be somehow celebrated. Well, back in Paul's day, back in the Bible day, some people said that there were about six marriages for every male. And so there were lots of divorces back in those days.

Certainly, there was more marriages than normal because women would die younger because of childbirth issues. But there were a lot of divorces back in those days, and I don't think we can get away from the text in Malachi that talks about how God hates divorce.

But divorce is not an unforgivable sin as well. Divorce can be forgiven. So we want to think properly and rightly about divorce today. Last time we saw, there was only two reasons to get divorced. If you're a Christian and you'd like to have a divorce biblically, or you know a friend or someone at church, or maybe the pastor at church, or a deacon, or someone else, and they want to get divorced, there are two ways to get divorced biblically.

Two and only two. Everything else, it would not be a biblical divorce. And when you married your partner and said, till death do us part, these are the only two that would somehow be permitted by God.

And it's never God's rule, God's command, God's, you know, you can't forgive your spouse when it comes to the first one. The second one, though, is a command, and so we'll talk about both. Divorce and remarriage from a biblical perspective.

By the way, before I get into this a little bit more, I just popped into my mind J. Adams' book on divorce and remarriage. I don't know the exact title, Divorce, Remarriage, and Singleness, probably. It's an excellent book, an excellent book to have you walk through the issues.

No psychology to be found, no felt need issues. What does the Bible say? So there's two ways to get divorced biblically if you're a Christian. One is if your spouse commits sexual sin. Jesus said in Matthew chapter 5, whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce.

But I say to you, that's basically what was said, those Pharisees ran around said that, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

And so because of sexual sin, there can be a divorce. And back in the old days, if there was sexual sin, adultery, that person would be killed, and then you would be able to be remarried because your spouse would be dead and you're no longer under the bond of matrimony.

And so Jesus says, I will permit divorce, God permits divorce for those who have had a spouse who have been unfaithful to them. And so that doesn't mean if your spouse has looked at pornography once or is addicted to pornography, you're allowed to.

We're talking about the real act of infidelity. And so that was Jesus's word. Some people like to say no divorce for any particular reason, any reason at all, and I just have to go with what Jesus says.

Certainly, we want to stay away from divorces that are, well, I don't love him anymore, she doesn't love me, we're incompatible, irreconcilable differences, I don't really have any feelings for him anymore.

We don't want to do that. Positively, marriage is a created, designed institution by God and is meant to be lifelong. But God, in his mercy, he allows accommodation for marriages that have sin in them, sexual sin.

And so Jesus was talking in Matthew chapter 5 about this and also in Mark chapter 10. Lots of times people back in the Old Testament would get divorced for any particular reason they want. Shammai was a rabbi and he had a stricter view, and something like adultery that was committed, you would be allowed to get divorced from Deuteronomy chapter 4.

Another school called the School of Hillel said, you know what, it's pretty much anything you don't like about your wife, you can get divorced for that reason. And these Pharisees are trying to draw Jesus into this debate.

Which school do you follow, Shammai or Hillel? Are you strict? Are you liberal? Hillel school, by the way, said you could even divorce your wife if she burned your food, if she spoke with disrespect to you, if she let her hair down, if she talked loud enough.

You got in a fight with her and she talked loud enough that the people next door heard her, she could be divorced by you. You could give her the proverbial marital pink slip for almost anything. Another rabbi of that school of thought said, if any man saw a woman handsomer than his own wife, he might put his wife away because it is said in the law, if she find not favor in his eyes.

Well, wouldn't that be something today? That's almost what it is today, sadly, even in evangelical churches. Josephus said in his life, about this time I put away my wife who had born me three children not being pleased with her manners.

Elbows on the table. You're divorced. I shouldn't joke about it, but it's just so ludicrous taking Deuteronomy 24 completely out of context, somehow thinking you have a right to divorce your spouse, some kind of mentality that would make you think that a woman is not a person, but a thing that a woman is something to be owned, not an image bearer of the triune God.

And so, of course, with sin, sin likes to add rules and sin loves to take away rules. Listen to what the Jewish Talmud said, a bad wife is like leprosy to her husband. What is the remedy? Let him divorce her and be cured of his leprosy.

And that's just like today. My wife doesn't meet my needs. My wife doesn't do this. My wife doesn't act like somebody else. My wife doesn't match up to the ladies on Cosmo. My wife doesn't cook like the ladies on the Cooking Channel.

I think I'd like somebody else. After all, my wife complains. My wife does all these things, people will say, but that lady at work, she's kind to me. She listens. She does this. She does that. And I've got to get out of my marriage.

Talk like that is just sinful talk. One leader said, if a man has a bad wife, it is a religious duty to divorce her. This is no different than the old kings in England forcing some of the Anglican leaders to grant divorces.

Are off with your head. God hates divorce. We have to make sure we are very, very careful that we just don't say, well, you know what? I know the Bible says that's immorality, but you know, she's in some chat room with some guy and that counts.

We have to be very, very careful that we don't go above and beyond the Word of God. The certificate of divorce that Jesus talks about in Mark 10, verse 4, quoting Deuteronomy, was a concession. It wasn't some kind of, you have to do this.

Sinclair Ferguson said, rather than giving permission for the protection of the rights of women. Giving permission for divorce, they were intended to restrict the ease with which divorce would take place.

So the law, in other words, was not so you could easily get divorced from your wife, but it would prevent you from writing out that bill of divorcement that said something like this. Let this be for me, thy writ of divorce and letter of dismissal and deed of liberation that thou mayest marry whosoever man wilt thou wilt.

And so what a horrible thing. And here this woman then would be put out having no head, no husband, no provider, no protector, which was especially important back in those days. And she would be ostracized and she would be a social leper, complete disregard of the woman made in the image and likeness of God, disposing her like the trash pickup at waste management on Wednesday morning.

God hates divorce, but he gives an accommodation for number one, immorality, sexual immorality. Not because you've fallen out of love with your spouse, but because she has physically cheated on you, sexually been unfaithful.

And that goes from men to women, women to men, the husband's unfaithful. The woman may divorce. No command on this one, but the woman may divorce. And by the way, when you can divorce biblically, there can be a biblical remarriage.

If you can't divorce biblically, then there ought not, and you've been divorced unbiblically, then you're not to remarry. Well, let's talk about that in a little bit. If we have time, let's continue to the second thing, second reason you could get divorced if you're a Christian.

Abandonment by an Unbelieving Spouse

And this one is more of a command. The command is found in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and that command is, if an unbelieving spouse that you live with, of course you live with them and you're married, you're married to an unbelieving spouse, and they say, I can't stand all the Christianity, I can't take it anymore, I don't want to put up with this Christianity, you let them go.

1 Corinthians chapter 7 gives the other exception. There are two exceptions, no divorce in the Bible, except for these two things. And then if one of these two things happen, you may remarry. 1 Corinthians, Paul is dealing with all kinds of issues in a local church, and he says in chapter 7, as I'm turning there right now, but I, let's see, where am I finding this?

But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I, but if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband.

This is what Jesus said, but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and that the husband should not divorce his wife. But to the rest, I say, not the Lord, Paul, underneath the inspiration of the Spirit of God, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.

So if you're married to an unbeliever, and that unbeliever loves you and does not want to divorce, you do, but they don't, you may not get divorced. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.

But if you live with an unbeliever, and you're married, and that unbeliever wants to leave and get divorced, you must let him get divorced. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband, for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they're holy.

Yet, if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave. Let him leave. The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. So two ways to get divorced, biblically, one, the spouse cheats, two, the unbelieving spouse leaves.

If you're married to a Christian, there's only one way to be biblically divorced, and that is if there's unfaithfulness. Anything short of that, you need to go back to your wedding vows and say to yourself, I promised to God, I promised in front of these people, and I promised my spouse, till death do us part.

Now you say, I got divorced before I was a Christian, and I'm now a Christian. Did God forgive me for those sins? Well, if you're a Christian, Colossians chapter 2 says, God has forgiven you for everything past, present, and future.

God forgives sin. We have a forgiving God, and he puts sin as far away as the east is from the west. So far, he has removed our transgressions from us. God forgives sin. And so if you are a Christian, and you have committed the sin of divorce, unbiblically, God can forgive you.

God will forgive you. Positionally, if you're a Christian, God has forgiven you. And so people ask all kinds of questions about divorce and remarriage. The problem is, sin muddies everything. Sin muddles everything else.

If you ask me the question, what about divorce and remarriage before I was saved? Well, you can be divorced and remarried before you're saved, and God counts that along with every other sin, like murder, as doing something that unbelievers do.

Unbelievers sin. And so he's not going to hold you accountable. That he's going to hold you as forgiven. And so, could you ever have a pastor who's divorced? I think pastors who have been divorced when they were not saved are able to become pastors now, because that is before they have been saved.

You can be a murderer, you mean to tell me, before you're saved? God saves you. And then you can be an elder, but you can't have a divorce in your life? I know some people who have gotten women pregnant when they were single, and instead of just dumping them, they've married them, and then there's been a divorce.

I think those men are probably more manly than those who just got people pregnant and just let them be. And so we have to be very careful. Let's talk about another topic regarding divorce and remarriage, and that is the topic of separation.

Why Separation Is Not a Biblical Solution

We want to get separated for a while. If you're a brand new Christian, or if you're a Christian who's newly married, say to each other, make a pact, make a vow, we are never going to separate from one another when things get tough.

I'm never going to run to mommy's house as the husband. I'm never going to go take off and get a hotel and go hang out with my girlfriends for a few days. If you want to burn some steam off and say, I'm going to go to the gym, I'll be back in two hours, honey, and we'll talk then when things are heated, fine.

But just agree not to separate. That is not how reconciliation takes place. That is not the garden of reconciliation. Separation is not for the Christian. This is a biblical substitution for divorce is what's happening.

You're in your mind, quote-unquote biblical, you're saying, you know, well, it's not going to be divorce, we're just going to separate. Separation is forbidden. Did you know the same word for separation is the word for divorce in the Bible?

Separation refuses to face issues and refuses to reconcile, refuses to sit down and solve the issues. It gives you some false sense of peace because you don't have the problem in front of you, you're far away at some hotel or your mommy's house.

You're also compounding the problem because separation means there'll be no physical intimacy. And so the Bible says if you're not going to have intimacy with your spouse, you let Satan tempt you. So you say, well, I've got a problem with my spouse.

Well, you're going to have more problems than just a problem with their spouse. You're going to have Satan in your, if you're at your mommy's house, in your mommy's room or in the hotel room or in your own house.

You don't want that. Separation is worse. You cannot cool off and get perspective when you're in direct disobedience to God. You say, well, my husband physically abuses me. Can I separate from that? That particular answer would be call 911 and have him go to jail.

You will be separated from him in that sense because he is a law breaker. You say, well, what about unbiblical divorce and unbiblical remarriage? What do we do? Well, the problem is it's very difficult to unscramble the sin egg and the egg of, like I said before, muddied waters.

What about unbiblical marriage when I'm already unbiblically remarried? Well, you broke your old marriage covenant on the honeymoon bed of the new marriage, and now I think you should ask God for forgiveness, stay with your current spouse, and live for the glory of God.

It's a very, very difficult thing. 1 Corinthians 7, 20, you hear the tenor of Paul's language, let each man remain in that condition in which he was called. Past is the past. What's done is done. You can be forgiven.

Verse 24, brethren, let each man remain with God in that condition in which he was called. Same as verse 20. Verse 27, are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife?

Do not seek a wife. Where you are, you live all for the glory of God. Listen to what North Point Baptist Church says in their Statement of Faith. As for those persons who have unlawfully divorced and remarried, the Scripture gives us no clear direction.

It is our belief that such persons should remain unmarried to their present spouses, should remain married to their present spouses until death parts them. And so you should seek forgiveness from all parties, your children, relatives, former wife, the Lord.

You should make sure you pay for any kind of child support or some kind of alimony. Make sure you get all those things. But if you have been married to your spouse and then now you're divorced, but you have not remarried and your ex-spouse has not remarried, then I think there should be reconciliation and you should go and ask for forgiveness and try to reconcile.

Now it becomes even crazier when you think, well, I'm now a Christian and I'm not remarried and my ex-wife is not remarried, but she's not a Christian. Well now you can't go marry her because you can't marry in the Lord by marrying an unbeliever.

So see how everything just gets all muddied and all kind of, as my kids would say, maybe yucky? When you are a Christian, you are not going to have to pay for your sin of divorce. It doesn't mean you presume on it and say, oh, I'll just get divorced and God will somehow forgive me later.

You should say to yourself, I should do what God says. I should get counsel from wise people. I should get counsel from the Lord and ask Him for wisdom. I should be reading His Word. I should get counsel from the elders of the church, some godly women, some godly men, depending on if you're a woman or a man, and I should walk through this.

I should not let my emotions take over. I should not be like Sandy Patty or Amy Grant or someone like that who says, basically, you know, God has released me from this and I just love somebody else instead.

That is not what you want to do. If you're remarried now and you got divorced unbiblically as a Christian and your spouse, your ex-spouse is already married and now you're married, you just need to ask God.

God forgive me and help me put together my life now as I have it and I will remain in the condition in which you called me and we'll proceed from there. You see how difficult all this is? Let's just go back to the basics.

Marriage, Repentance, and Living for God's Glory

God created marriage. God created marriage for one man and one woman for life. Once your spouse dies, you are not bound to that spouse any longer and you may remarry. If you're a younger woman, you ought to remarry, Paul says in Timothy.

If you're older and you want to just serve, then that would be wonderful as well. If you're married as unbelievers and then you get divorced, you're free to remarry because now you're a Christian and you know what to do now biblically and back then you didn't.

So ask God for forgiveness and proceed. What do you want to do if you're married now and you're having marriage problems? Well, you don't separate. You don't physically separate, geographically separate, sexually separate.

You try to understand what the Bible says about reconciliation, about communication, about the sanctity of marriage, about what God says, about holiness, not happiness. I don't think we think through the issues like we ought to when it comes to holiness instead of happiness.

Does God want you to be holy or happy? I think holy people are happy, but when we run around saying, I've got to have my happiness met, we bypass holiness. You say, well, I've got to work through this because I don't know what I'm going to do.

Well, let me give you a little bit of information from John MacArthur. When one party remarries after divorce, which was on non-biblical grounds, that person has committed adultery because God did not recognize the validity of the divorce.

Since the remarried partner has committed adultery, the marriage bond is now broken and the remaining partner is free to marry. The Bible gives a word of caution to anyone who is considering marriage to a divorcee.

If the divorce was not on biblical grounds, the person who marries the divorcee is considered an adulterer. In cases where divorce took place on non-biblical grounds and where the guilty party repents, the grace of God is operative at the point of repentance.

It assumes that the repentant party will endeavor to restore the marriage whenever possible as a sign of true repentance. In other words, where two believers were divorced on non-biblical grounds, the grace of God becomes operative at the point of repentance and confession, and they can once again experience the joy of their relationship with Christ and their mate.

A true sign of repentance will be a desire to implement 1 Corinthians 7. This involves a willingness to remain unmarried or else be reconciled to their mate. In cases where a believer obtained a divorce on non-biblical grounds and remarried, the second marriage union is recognized as living in adultery.

If repentance takes place, it is recognized that to obtain a second divorce would disobey Scripture Deuteronomy 24, hence they are to remain in the second marriage. You see how complicated this is? How about this?

Marry one woman if you're a man. Marry one man if you're a woman. And make sure they're a Christian. Make sure the church affirms their godliness. Make sure your parents are involved in that choice. And then you don't have to deal with all the mess of adultery.

This is Mike Abendroth with No Compromise Radio Ministry. Divorced people can be forgiven. Aren't you glad? Jesus Christ's death is so great that it can be forgiven. We never want to presume on His grace, so tune in tomorrow, same time, same channel.

God bless you.

No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston. Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible-teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life-transforming power of God's Word through verse-by-verse exposition of the sacred text.

Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at 6. We're right on Route 110 in West Boylston. You can check us out online at bbcchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.

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