Gut Check

Good morning brothers. Hopefully you are not put off by the fact that I'm wearing a clerical collar. Lutherans believe that pastors should wear a uniform. I've discovered that evangelicals also believe that pastors should wear a uniform.

The problem is that the standard evangelical pastoral uniform involves skinny jeans. I checked with the fire department and the jaws of life were not available today, so I had to go with the clerical collar instead.

I hope you will understand. By the way, if you ever wonder why pastors wear clerical collars and what it all means, the idea behind it, you'll notice the shirt is black. It really ought to be black. That's to remind you I'm a sinner.

The collar itself should recall a slave shackle so that you always understand that your pastor is not there to rule and to reign over you. Instead, your pastor is there to be your slave, to be your servant.

It is an honor for me today to come and be your servant, to be your slave if you would, as we are going to open up God's word. Now, I'm going to assume that everybody here believes that the Bible is the inerrant, inspired, theanoustos, God-breathed Word of God.

Amen. And you know what? It is. How do I know this? Well, I know this because Jesus rose from the grave. And Jesus promised his disciples that the Holy Spirit would recall to their minds all the things that he said and taught.

And so he rose from the grave. That means what he told his disciples is true. And what we have in the Gospels are eyewitness testimony of the life, death, and resurrection of none other than God himself in human flesh.

This is quite the claim. And we learn, as we're getting ready to go in what historically is known as Holy Week, that this God, who was born of the Virgin Mary, and virgin means virgin, by the way. I don't play word games.

Virgin means virgin. This Son of God, God laid on him the iniquity of us all. That we who were born and dead in trespasses and sins under the dominion of darkness, he has transferred us because of his great love for us from the dominion of darkness into the kingdom of his Son.

And this has all been won for us by Christ's victorious death on the cross for your sins and for mine and for all of this. We are to praise and honor and worship this God in thankfulness for the gift that he has given us.

Do I have an amen? I'm tapping into my evangelical roots here. Gentlemen, if you have a Bible, I would like you to open it. If you have a Bible that's electronic, I would like you to turn it on. These are the days that we live in.

The Gospel as the Church’s True Mission

We are going to begin our gut check, if you would, by looking at something from the Acts of the Apostles, chapter 19. And we're going to begin at the end of a story, at least a chapter, if you would. Something is happening in the city of Ephesus.

And we're going to read, starting at verse 23 in Acts, chapter 19. By the way, I'll be reading from the ESV. That's the English Standard Version. So I don't know what translation you're using. At least you know what I'm using.

Here's what it says. We're in the city of Ephesus. About that time there arose no little disturbance concerning the Way. Which, by the way, was one of the early names for Christianity. For a man named Demetrius, a silversmith who made silver shrines of Artemis, brought no little business to the craftsmen.

These he gathered together with the workmen in similar trades. And he said, Men, you know that from this business we have our wealth. And you see and hear that not only in Ephesus, but in almost all of Asia, this Paul fellow has persuaded and turned away great many people saying that gods made with hands are not gods.

And there is danger, not only that this trade of ours may come into disrepute, but also that the temple of the great goddess Artemis may be counted as nothing. And that she may be deposed from her magnificence.

She whom all of Asia and the world worship. By the way, the great temple of Artemis in the ancient world was considered one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. It was quite the complex. There's nothing left of it now except for a bunch of toppled stones.

And, well, one column that every year some birds set a nest up on the top of it. So, the story continues. When they heard this, the craftsmen of Artemis, they were enraged. And they were crying out, Great is Artemis of the Ephesians.

And so the city was filled with confusion. And they rushed together into the theater dragging with them Gaius and Aristarchus, Macedonians who were Paul's companions in travel. And you sit there and you go, All right, we've jumped into the middle of the story.

What is going on here? Now, I'm going to ask a simple question. When Paul blew into town in Ephesus, did he have as his goal to shut down the temple of Artemis? No. Not at all. He did not. But then how did he accomplish such an amazing feat?

Say that again. That's right. He spoke the truth. You see, Paul was sent by Jesus Christ to preach the gospel. And Paul, every time he would go into a town, he would preach the gospel. And this is part of our gut check, if you would.

I've seen in my lifetime, and I'm almost 50, not quite as old as Phil Elkey, I've seen in my lifetime a major shift in the United States. Have you all seen it? Literally, the rise and the normalizing of sin and iniquity.

This is what it is. Now, let me make something perfectly clear. The problem isn't just out there. The problem is also in here. And the reason for that is simple. Each and every one of us, Scripture reveals, still has a sinful nature.

We, too, are sinners. Now, as Christians, oftentimes we are tempted. I know this might sound foreign to you, but yes, the devil tempts us in many ways. And the obvious ways are ways in which we may be familiar with.

But there are very subtle ways in which the devil tempts us. One of the ways the devil has tempted us, and I hate to say this, we, and I'm not saying you, I'm saying we as a church, have bought into some of these ideas.

And here's the thing. We are used to, in this society of ours, for Christianity to have a powerful place in our society. We're used to this. How many decades ago, the majority of people in the United States were Christians?

And, in a republic like ours, where the majority of the people are Christians, what does that mean politically? We have power. We have muscle. We have flex. We are able to say no to evil. But I want you to keep this in mind.

That just because at one time in our nation's history, we had the majority necessary to keep evil at bay, which, by the way, is the job of the government. Keeping evil at bay is not the goal of Christianity.

The job of Christianity is to preach the Word, to proclaim repentance and the forgiveness of sins in Jesus' name. And, by the way, Jesus is the one who said that. In Luke's version of the Great Commission, Jesus says, Go into all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem, proclaiming repentance and the forgiveness of sins.

Pair this, then, with Jesus' Great Commission, for which we should all be familiar, right? Which says, All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me as you are going. I'm translating the participle there as, as you are going.

We oftentimes think the word go is the imperative. That's not the command of the Great Commission. The Great Commission command is, as you are going, here's the command, Make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

And, there's another part to it, teaching them all that I have commanded. Now, a little bit of a trick question here. When Jesus said, teaching them all that I have commanded, what does the word all mean?

All. Good. Good.

Clearly, there's no Calvinists in the room. The word means all. So, here's the question I have for you. If the command given by Jesus, not me, given by Jesus, is that we are to teach all that he has commanded, where is the only place I can go right now to find all the things that Jesus has commanded?

The Bible. Exactly.

The Whole Counsel of God in Acts and the Prophets

I'd like you to take another look with me now. We're going to look at another passage. Flip over to Acts 20. Paul, eventually upon finishing his work in Ephesus, is having a meeting as he's heading to Jerusalem.

He's having a meeting with all of the pastors that he has set up in the different congregations in the city of Ephesus. And, they've all met on the beach. And, listen to what he says. I'll start at verse 18.

When they came to him, he said to them, You yourselves know how I lived among you the whole time, from the first day that I set foot in Asia, serving the Lord with all humility and tears, and with trials that happened to me through the plots of the Jews, how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you in public and from house to house, testifying to both Jews and to Greeks of repentance towards God and of faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Repentance and faith must go together. And now, behold, I'm going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except for the Holy Spirit testifies to me that in every city, imprisonment and affliction await me.

But I do not account my life of any value, nor is precious to myself. If only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. And now, behold, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about proclaiming the kingdom will see my face again.

Therefore, I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all, for I did not, here's the important part, shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God. How much of the counsel of God did Paul dedicate himself to teaching while he was in Ephesus?

All of it.

From Genesis to Maps. On my radio program, I do something very politically incorrect. I apologize in advance, but I did not actually sign off on the Geneva Convention when it came to politically correct speech.

Therefore, since I'm not a signatory, I'm free from these bonds. But one of the things I do is I review sermons. I review sermons from some of the most popular evangelical megachurches and other types of churches around the world.

And I'm going to give you my honest assessment, in a nutshell, of the sermons that I hear. Are you ready? I hear, in these sermons, pastors preaching autobiography, preaching about themselves, and then baptizing these messages with out-of-context verses.

If I hear, I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you one more time out of context, I'm going to hurl. And I'm sick and tired of football players on opposing teams putting on their black eye black, no weapon formed against me will prosper.

What do you do when you have two Christians on opposing football teams on Super Bowl Sunday, saying, no weapon formed against me will prosper? Maybe the problem here is that we have decided that we're going to cut corners.

We're going to cut corners, and we have lost the ability to hear God's Word in its entirety, to hear the full counsel of the Word of God. In fact, I'm pretty sure that what I hear, literally, in the sermons I review, are Sunday after Sunday, God's Word stripped mind for principles that you can apply to your life to make your life better.

This is not, and I mean this, what a pastor is to be about the business of doing. And this is one of the reasons why we're experiencing the decline that we are in our society. Because, think of it this way.

Pagans do what pagans do, because pagans are what pagans are. Do you expect your pagan, unbelieving neighbors to bear the fruit of the Spirit in their life? No, you don't. How are they going to bear the fruit of the Spirit if you don't preach the full counsel of the Word of God, and call them to repentance of their sins, and placard Christ and Him crucified for the forgiveness of their sins, and then using the Word of God, help them through the power of the Spirit in the Word to bear fruit in keeping with repentance?

I want you to think of it this way. We have had our eyes focused for a few decades now on politically solving a spiritual problem. You are not going to solve this problem in Washington, D .C. It's impossible.

As happy as I am that Hillary Clinton is not our president right now, I have zero confidence that President Trump is going to help people bear the fruit of the Spirit in their life. So, coming back to our opening text, there's the Apostle Paul in Ephesus.

And what is he doing? He's preaching Christ. He's preaching that He is the Messiah. Did they give him the keys to the city?

No.

Was he really popular?

No.

Let's go back now in our opening text. Let's come back and let's pick up the beginning of the story. We'll start at verse 8. He entered the synagogue. For three months, he spoke, listen to this word, boldly, reasoning and persuading them about the kingdom of God.

But when some people became stubborn and continued in unbelief, speaking evil of the way before the congregation, he withdrew from them and took the disciples with him, reasoning daily in the hall of Tyrannus.

This continued for two years, so that all the residents of Asia heard the word of the Lord, both Jews and Greeks. What was Paul's message, by the way? When he would go into a synagogue, what would he preach?

The gospel.

I'm going to give us a cross-reference here, and I would like to take a look at, let me pull this up here, flip over to Acts 13. I'll start at verse 15. And Paul is in a synagogue. Actually, let me start at verse 13.

Paul and his companions set sail from Paphos and came to Perga and Pamphylia. John left them and returned to Jerusalem. And they went on from Perga and came to Antioch and Pisidia. And on the Sabbath day, they went into the synagogue and they sat down.

After the reading from the law and the prophets, the rulers of the synagogue sent a message to them, saying, Brothers, if you have any word of encouragement for the people, say it. So Paul stood up and he motioned with his hand and he said, Men of Israel and you who fear God, listen to me.

The God of this people, Israel, chose our fathers, made the people great during their stay in the land of Egypt, and with uplifted arm led them out of it. And for about 40 years he put up with them in the wilderness.

Boy, that is a major understatement in Scripture. I don't know if you ever noticed how much the people of Israel grumbled in the wilderness, right? So he put up with them in the wilderness. And after destroying seven nations in the land of Canaan, he gave them their land as an inheritance.

All of this took about 450 years. And after that, he gave them judges until Samuel the prophet. And then they asked for a king and God gave them Saul, the son of Kish, a man of the tribe of Benjamin, for 40 years.

And when he had removed him, he raised up David to be their king, of whom he testified and said, I have found in David, the son of Jesse, a man after my heart who will do all of my will. Little note here.

What is Paul doing right there? He's literally summarizing all of the Old Testament. I'm going to just ask you a little challenge question. If I were to sit you down and have coffee with you and say, hey brother, could you in like 60 seconds or less summarize for me the entirety of the Old Testament?

How well would you do? Notice he's just able to write this, just prattle it off like this. He's equipped. And there's a reason why he's equipped. And because Paul is one of these fellows whose actions actually follow his beliefs in regard to the word of God.

Every one of you said amen. I believe that the word of God is, well, theonoustos, inspired, inerrant, and infallible. But I'd like to give you a category that we need to start to come to grips with. If we were to have a liberal ELCA female pastor here speaking with you today, she would be trying to convince you that God's word is not inspired and infallible and it is not authoritative, that it's some kind of a communal book that reveals to us the progressive in people's thinking regarding the deity.

And we would all sit there and go, nah, wrong. And maybe the braver among us would rebuke her and tell her to sit down. But I want you to note this, that if you go to a liberal mainline church and you were to sit and hear their preaching Sunday after Sunday after Sunday, they openly attack the scriptures.

They openly attack what God's word says. They openly attack its authority. And then, is it any wonder that they do things like ordain impenitent homosexuals? Of course, it makes perfect sense. The reason why they're now able to ordain impenitent homosexuals is because they first attacked the word of God.

And they got a whole bunch of people believing falsely that God really, really has no problem with sexual sin like that and that we need to bless it because God really is all about love. And in order to get to this conclusion, they first had to attack the word of God.

Now, none of you sound like that kind of liberal to me. But I would say this. If your pastor is not preaching the full counsel of the word of God, he's become a functional liberal, even if he's conservative regarding his views of scripture.

Because the result is the same. If your pastor is not shutting up about himself and doing nothing but squawking about Jesus every Sunday, which is his job, and helping ground you in God's word, both Old and New Testament, connecting the dots, opening up the Old Testament to show how these stories all point to Christ and how Christ fulfilled all of the Old Testament and how He has bled and died for you and set you free, and helps you to really understand God's word in context by telling the stories Sunday after Sunday after Sunday.

Believe me when I tell you, pastors are nervous about doing this. You know why? The reason why they're nervous is because they know that at some point they're going to have to tell the same story over again.

And so they begin to think that their job is on the line and so they begin to innovate. And so they talk less and less and less and less about what the text actually says, and they're not really interested in telling the stories in the scripture.

They want to tell you stories about themselves, about, well, the challenges they had when they were in high school, how they have misbehaved children who are all now glowing examples of perfect citizenry and things of this nature.

But in telling you about themselves, they're not telling you about Jesus. They're not grounding you in the word of God. You are not growing in your understanding of scripture. And you've got to understand this.

God's word is living and active. It is sharper than a two-edged sword. But it doesn't matter how sharp it is if your pastor leaves it in its sheath. It doesn't matter. You will not benefit from its sharpness.

So one of the things I would like you to consider doing over the next few Sundays I want you to take notes when you go to church. I want you to ask this question. Who did I learn more about in this sermon that I heard today?

Did I learn more about Jesus? Or did I learn more about my pastor or myself? And this is just simply objective. That's all you're going to ask. What did I learn about Jesus? Write your notes. What did I learn about my pastor?

What did I learn about myself? If you learned hardly anything about Jesus, if you heard hardly anything about what the Bible teaches, there's a problem, and it's time for you to have one of those tough conversations.

The reason why is simple. Because your pastor is sinning. Now, I want to give you another text. This is going to be a little bit of a tougher one. But I want you to hear it. 2 Timothy chapter 4. 2 Timothy chapter 4.

This is a pastoral epistle written to young Pastor Timothy, whom Paul set up to be one of the pastors at the church in Ephesus. And I want you to hear what Paul writes to young Pastor Timothy. I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and kingdom.

Oh, by the way, we pastors get the supreme joy of being in a shorter line on the day of judgment. And the sign at the front of that queue says, stricter judgment, enter here. I want you to consider that.

So I charge you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead. So much for precious moments, Jesus. Here's what he says. Preach the word. How much of it?

All of it.

Not some of it. Not some of it. Preach all of it. Remember, Paul says, I am innocent of the blood of all of you. And the reason why is because Paul knows his Old Testament. He knows the Tanakh. He knows that in the book of Ezekiel, it explicitly says that the one who knows that he should tell and warn his neighbor of God's wrath and doesn't, and that man dies in his sins.

Who is God going to hold accountable for that man's blood? The man who said nothing. When was the last time you heard a sermon on this? So we are to, as pastors, ready? Preach the word. Well, what if it's not popular?

What if people don't want to hear it? What if they'll take away my retirement?

No, not that.

Here's what he says.

Be ready in season and out of season and listen to what the pastor has to do. This sounds really politically incorrect. Reprove, rebuke, what? And exhort with complete patience and teaching. How many of you, when you do your evaluation of your pastor every so often, we're going to evaluate you on a scale of 1 to 10.

Pastor, how well are you doing at the rebuking? Pastor, you need to pick this up. When was the last time you rebuked somebody? Is this not one of the duties of a pastor given in Scripture, yes or no? But if you do that, you're going to seem unloving.

We live in a society now where we just all want to get along. Is that what we're called to do?

No.

Preach the word, be ready in season, out of season, reprove, rebuke, exhort with complete patience, and doctrine is actually what the word teaching there means. And here's the reason why. Are you ready?

For the time is coming when people will not endure sound doctrine, but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions. And they will turn away from listening to the truth and they will wander off into myths.

So one of the things that Scripture warns us about is the fact that there's a day coming, makes me wonder if it's today, when Christians in the church will have nothing to do with sound doctrine. And when a pastor preaches sound doctrine, you know what they're going to do to him?

Run him out on a rail. We don't want to hear that. Stop telling me I'm a sinner. Stop telling me that Jesus died for me. That's negative. After all, we live in a post-modern world, do we not? We've moved beyond this idea that God has wrath and that somehow his wrath needs to be propitiated via the sacrifice of Jesus' death on the cross.

That's icky. Stop talking about that. So instead, they'll gather themselves teachers who will suit their own passions. Now, we have no problem. Anyone here pray to the Virgin Mary? No? Neither do I. Just want to check.

Why?

Why do you not pray to the Virgin Mary? She's a human being, right? And Scripture explicitly says that we have one mediator, and that is Jesus Christ. Why on earth would I pray to a dead woman by the fact that she died?

Doesn't that mean that she's a sinner like me? Right, of course. Do you believe in the Immaculate Conception? Anyone here? No? I don't either. You know why? Because it's not taught in Scripture. We have no problem identifying Roman Catholic mythology.

Prayers to the saints. Indulgences. Purgatory. Praying to the Virgin Mary. Myth. It's not even sound. This isn't biblical at all. Let me tell you this. Turn on Christian television and it's 24 -7 mythology.

Do you believe that by sending a thousand dollars to Benny Hinn that God is going to heal you? Brother, you need to repent. Do you believe that if you stand in front of a mirror and say, I am the head and I am not the tail, that I am blessed, that I am strong, that my words will create a positive reality for my life?

If you believe that, you're damned. That is not the Gospel and that is false doctrine. You need to repent. Scripture says to deny yourself, not exalt yourself. Jesus warns the one who exalts himself will be humbled.

The one who humbles himself and says, I've got nothing. Lord, have mercy on me. I'm a sinner. He will be exalted. You see, brothers and sisters, we have been sitting on our hands saying nothing. We are the inheritors of the Protestant Reformation.

This being the 500th anniversary of the Reformation. And yet, we are steeped in mythology and false doctrine every bit as much as medieval Rome ever was. And still is. And you know what we've done about it?

Nothing. God's Word says it is His will that you silence false teachers. Have you done it? No, you haven't. And it's sinful for you to not have. And you need to repent. And the reality is that you listen to a lot of preachers and teachers who cut off corners and give you messages that make you feel good about yourself.

And here's the problem. We judge pastors using the same criteria that we use to judge whether or not we like the latest Netflix series. Oh, man, that was the best thing ever. I've got to watch another episode.

Great, pop some more popcorn, honey. Oh, that made me laugh. It made me cry. Oh, that was the funniest thing ever. And we go to church and we sit there and you go, well, what did you think of that sermon?

Well, it was kind of boring.

It was kind of boring.

I didn't laugh. I didn't cry. I didn't feel good. I didn't feel bad. I didn't like what he said. I didn't like his delivery. He kind of stuttered and was slow. And oh my goodness, can you believe he actually read like eight verses in the Bible, man.

And that prayer took three minutes. Don't you know the Vikings are playing tomorrow? We have lost the patience to hear God's Word. And we are judging the efficacy of a sermon based upon its entertainment value.

This is wicked. This is absolutely wicked. What does Scripture say again? For the time is coming when people will not endure sound doctrine. And they will gather to themselves teachers who will tell them what their itching ears want to hear.

Messages to suit their own passions. They'll turn away from listening to the truth and they will wander off into myths. But as for you, young pastor, always be sober minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

Huh. Wow.

So here's this flunked Roman Catholic wearing a clerical collar. We don't know if we should call him Father Roseborough or not. And he sounds like he just came out of the dark ages. You actually believe in something called truth.

So do you. Each and every one of you knows that what I'm saying is true. And I've shown it to you from God's Word. Now how then does this play into the bigger problem in society? Are you ready? Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount, if the salt has lost its saltiness,.

What good is it for?

Throw it away. It's good for nothing. How does the church maintain its saltiness? You gotta speak the truth. You must placard Christ. But instead we are distracted by entertainment. We are distracted and you know what?

Our understanding of Scripture is minuscule. Yet the Apostle Paul there, when he was preaching, he could just prattle off an entire summary of the Old Testament in no seconds flat. No problems. Let's go back to that text now.

Again, Acts 13. So he's continuing. Of this man's offspring. Talking about Jesse and the son of David. Of this man's offspring, God has brought to Israel a Savior, as he has promised. Before his coming, John had proclaimed a baptism of repentance to all the people of Israel.

And as John was finishing his course, he said, what do you suppose that I am? I am not he, but behold, after me is one coming, the sandals of whose feet I am not worthy to untie. Wait a second. It sounds like the Apostle Paul was very familiar with the Gospel narratives.

Where is John the Baptist written about in the Old Testament? He's not. Except for in prophecy.

But here,.

Paul in his presentation of the Gospel in the Jewish synagogue, actually references the words of John the Baptist, which we find written in one of the Gospels. But if you listen to the liberals, the liberals will tell you,.

The Gospels are not eyewitness testimony. They weren't written until 70 or 90 years after Jesus walked the earth.

Then why is Paul quoting Luke? So he references John the Baptist, and then he says this, Brothers, sons of the family of Abraham, and those among you who fear God, to us has been sent the message of this salvation.

So here's his message. Notice what it is. It's the message of salvation. For those who live in Jerusalem, and the rulers, because they did not recognize him, nor understand the utterances of the prophets, which are read every Sabbath, they fulfilled them by condemning him.

And though they found in him no guilt worthy of death, they asked Pilate to have him executed. And when they had carried out all that was written of him, they took him down from the tree and laid him in the tomb.

But God raised him from the dead. And for many days he appeared to those who had come up with him from Galilee to Jerusalem, who are now his witnesses to the people. And we bring you, listen, the good news, that what God promised to the fathers, this he has fulfilled to us, their children, by raising Jesus, as also it is written in the second psalm, you are my son, today I have begotten you.

And as for the fact that he raised him from the dead, no more to return to corruption, he has spoken in this way, I will give you the holy and sure blessing of David. Therefore, he says also in another psalm, you will not let your holy one see corruption.

Look at that. Paul has Bible memorized, psalms memorized. And by having them memorized, when the time comes to preach the word, those verses are right there, ready to go, like ammo, ready to just put into your AR -15 and send down range.

Yeah, I like my AR -15, I'm just saying. But if you never buy the ammo, you can't put it in the mag, can you? And so you'll notice, Paul has all of the scriptures down inside of his heart. This is something to which he has applied himself, meditated on, is able to work with the text, able to quote it at will.

How about you?

Have you applied yourself to God's word in this way? No weapon formed against me will prosper. I know a verse.

Jesus wept.

I know that one too. You'll notice that the Christian faith is not something that the apostle Paul grew out of, it's something he grew into. And here's the problem with really thin, wispy, very, well, self-help sermons with Bible sprinkles on top.

They are not capable of actually producing repentance in your life. They're not. And not only that, they don't help you to be able to master God's word in this way so that you can use it in this manner to tell the world about Christ.

In fact, if you think about it, so much of the preaching we hear nowadays is, alright folks, it's time for you to get out of debt. So we're going to do this series over here, we're going to teach you how to financially manage your money so that you can get out of debt.

And so, hey, I've gotten out of debt. Congratulations. Now I can tithe more to the church, which makes me wonder if that was the reason why we did that sermon series in the first place. Maybe I'm just being cynical.

And then, of course, we all know how important it is for that fruit of the Spirit known as having better sex, right? And so our pastor's going to be really edgy. He's going to put a bed on the stage and we're going to tell everybody all about how to have great sex so that all those unbelievers out there will be jealous because we had the best sex ever.

I wish I was making this up. I'm not. Yeah, because everybody knows the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and way better sex. And then, of course, after sex comes what? You know, children.

So we've got to do a series on how to have better behaved children, right? And so we're going to find five easy principles that you can apply to your life to make those little hooligans act, well, godly and Christ-like.

And then, of course, by the time we're done with that, then we're up on the summer season and we want to be relevant. So we're going to preach about all of the spiritual themes in the latest blockbuster movies that are out for the summer.

I'm not making this up, and you know I'm not. And then, of course, we're going to have the big fall launch. And so for the big fall launch, we're going to have like, you know, Church-a-palooza, man.