September 8, 2023 Show with Beth Bingaman on “Intentional Influence: A Woman’s Guide to Biblical Mentoring”

Live from historic downtown Carlisle, Pennsylvania, home of founding father James Wilson, 19th century hymn writer George Duffield, 19th century gospel minister George Norcross, and sports legend Jim Thorpe.

It's Iron Sharpens Iron. This is a radio platform in which pastors, Christian scholars, and theologians address the burning issues facing the church and the world today. Proverbs chapter 27 verse 17 tells us iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

Matthew Henry said that in this passage we are cautioned to take heed with whom we converse and directed to have in view in conversation to make one another wiser and better. It is our hope that this goal will be accomplished over the next two hours and we hope to hear from you the listener with your own.

Questions. And now here's your host Chris Arnzen. Good afternoon Cumberland County, Pennsylvania, Lake City, Florida, and the rest of humanity living on the planet Earth who are listening via live streaming at ironsharpensironradio .com.

This is Chris Arnzen, your host of Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, wishing you all a happy Friday on this eighth day of September 2023. I am so pumped up and excited that next week the Future of Christendom conference is being held in Mannheim, Pennsylvania which is in Lancaster County at the Spooky Nook Sports and Events.

I am honored and privileged with being used by God to help arrange this conference featuring Dr. James R. White of Alpha Omega Ministries, a dear friend of mine since 1995. And the Future of Christendom conference this year is on the theme The Gospel at War and there are a number of speakers who are each taking a segment of how and where and why and when the gospel is at war with different elements of society.

So please if you have not yet registered for this conference go to futureofchristendom .org, futureofchristendom .org and what makes this even more exciting is that not only is this a conference but there will be a debate featured as a part of a conference on Saturday September 16th from 3 30 p .m. to 6 30 p .m.

Dr. James R. White of Alpha Omega Ministries is debating Dr. Gregory Coles who identifies as a gay Christian and the theme of that debate is is gay Christian a biblically acceptable identity for a member of Christ's Church.

So please try to attend this exciting event Friday Saturday and Sunday of next week September 15th 16th and 17th. The 17th will be an invitation to the worship services of the Independence Reform Bible Church in Lancaster County and the worship service will be held at the same venue at the Spooky Nook Sports and Events in Mannheim Pennsylvania so we hope you can make that as well.

That's futureofchristendom .org futureofchristendom .org. But today we have on the program one of the featured speakers at this conference. Her name is Beth Bingaman. We had her husband on the program recently.

Beth is an author and she is going to be discussing today of one of her books, Intentional Influence a Woman's Guide to Biblical Mentoring. It's my honor and privilege to welcome you for the very first time ever to Orange Shrub and Zion Radio Beth Bingaman.

Thanks Chris it's.

My honor and privilege to be here. I'm grateful for the opportunity. Great. Well.

We have a tradition on Iron Shrub and Zion Radio. Beth whenever we have a first-time guest we have that guest give a summary of their salvation testimony which would include any kind of religious atmosphere that you were raised in if any and what kind of providential circumstances our Sovereign Lord raised up in your life that drew you to himself and saved you.

So let's.

Hear a summary of your story. Okay so the Lord did not call me to salvation until I was 38 years old. Wow. I had I had been raised going to a United Methodist Church. My mother used to say all they teach you is to love your neighbor love your neighbor but my friends called me the church lady because I was always there even took my young children to church every Sunday taught Sunday school you know did whatever they asked me to do and in that church one week a pastor made the statement that everyone is a sinner and in my pride I sat straight up and thought well this poor man doesn't know I'm here.

That is not true. As I was leaving that day I would have to call it more of a challenge than a prayer. I said to God if that is true about me you will have to show me and I am here to tell you that that is a dangerous prayer because he will show your sins and so just one thing after another at the time I'll try to keep it kind of short.

At the time I was a social worker at Reading Hospital doing discharge planning I was covering for a hospice social worker dealing with a man who whose son was dying of AIDS. So this was the time when we didn't know what was going on with AIDS and this man had used his son's razor he had eaten off his plate finished his cup of coffee so he's not only losing his son he thinks he could get AIDS from this.

So I spent a long amount of time with him. I had called my husband to say can you go get the kids after work I'm gonna be a while here you but fine and I went to swim which I normally did while my kids were napping and I thought to myself you know I spent all that time with that man and he didn't even thank me and the conviction of that sin was so great but I wasn't surprised by the selfishness.

I was surprised that God had heard me and he answered me right there and that's when boy I wanted I because for the first time for me God was real. I knew he had this was a direct response to my prayer to show me in my sin and I resisted him for a number of years probably two or three years saying you don't want me.

I was convinced that it would you know I would lose all my fun. I'd have to stop drinking. I would have to stop using bad language. All these things that I thought were important to me and he just slowly but surely whittled away at me and and one day my husband came home and said you know we've been passing this Bible-believing Church and at that time he wasn't going to church anywhere I he he would stay home and sit in front of the TV on Sunday morning while I listened to political pundits while I went and took the kids to church so we both he he became a Christian that is one of the great graces of God long about the same time as I did and we started going to a Bible-believing Church.

And the Lord just gave us a.

Hunger for his word praise God was this Bible-believing Church the Independence.

Bible Church and pence reform. No no. John and I helped Audrey and Joel plant Independence reform Bible Church about ten years ago just ten years ago to ten.

Years in October. Wow. So what was the church that you.

Initially started going to grace Bible Fellowship Church in Reading. Okay and.

Was that a theologically reformed church and if not how did you come to.

Discover the reformed faith in his grace. I only ever learned the reformed faith got that church is a reformed church. The pastor was a fabulous Bible teacher. Elders there who taught it it was a very good sound biblical start for us and it.

Does it still exist. Because I'd like to invite the pastor to my pastor's.

Luncheon it does okay it does still exist and that's can you get you that.

Information. Oh great. Okay well you have written a book that is something that I believe is an urgently needed book intentional influence a woman's guide to biblical mentoring. And the reason I say I believe it's an urgently needed book because in my experience just hearing from sisters in Christ.

I've been in Christian media going back to the 1980s and I have over the years not only just meeting sisters in Christ in various venues over the years but even hearing from women who listen to my program which I launched in 2005 that they are starving for being mentored and that no one in the congregations where they are a member has stepped up to the plate to do that to fulfill the biblical command that older women train up the younger.

And so tell us when in your walk you began to realize the significance the great enormous significance and.

Importance of mentoring women. So when I after I got saved and we went we started going to this church. It may be five or six years in someone invited me to a class called Bible study fellowship. I don't know if you know that ministry but.

Sounds very familiar. I just can't place it exactly but it sounds familiar.

International very very good Bible study. And so I did that. And in a couple years I was invited to teach that and they asked that teachers of their classes will be a 45-minute lecture every week for 32 weeks every year.

They don't want you to take on extra teaching in the local church be just for your family time. They're trying to conserve your time for your family. And so when I was first approached at grace about teaching I had to say I can't do that.

And within maybe three or four months of that the first time that I ever mentored the pastors came to me. So we have a brand new Christian. She just walked in off the street. You know could you meet with her.

Well she was asking me these questions. You know what is righteousness. Am I still allowed to listen to Bon Jovi. Like it was fun for me to get to take her to the scripture and do that. And then the second one was someone who came to me saw me or heard that I was mentoring one person and she came.

And then another and another I. I don't know how many women over the years I've mentored but it became very apparent that the church has almost gone to some trouble to separate age groups. So we have our small groups in our Sunday school classes for the older people and for the young married and for the singles and for the high school.

And we have you know all this separation rather than an intergenerational fellowship time where younger women can get to meet and talk to older women so they can figure out who might mentor. And the women are very reluctant.

There's part of my book on the excuses I've gotten from women that you know I don't have time. Well I don't know the Bible enough. I'm not that old. We get all kinds of excuses why we can't. Or I'm.

Too busy now. That's where that is. Well what my most important question that I think I'll be asking you during the next two hours is do you give love a bad name. That's a Bon Jovi song. Well there's something interesting about your title.

And I'd like you to explain it intentional influence. I believe that mentoring is extremely intentional my my basis. My premise is I think that so many women are afraid of it because it looks like you know I have to sit down with a Bible study meet once a week for an hour and a half and have this very structured thing.

And I think that if we are intentional on Sunday morning if we are intentional at the fellowship dinner to go to younger women older women going to younger women saying how are you doing how's that raising of the children doing how's your marriage doing.

If we would be intentional in the way that we interact with other women we do a whole lot more mentoring than we know. Some of it is just a call to be a living example all the time. So we have to be very intentional about our Christianity so that we will be that intentional influence.

If you run into someone in the grocery store you know do we skip another aisle because we know that lady's gonna want to talk to us. Or do we know God will redeem the time that we pour into someone else and stop and talk and listen to what where they are and what they're saying and how we can give them scriptural understanding of their situation.

So it needs to be intentional. That's where the where the wording came from. I want women to think about it to live like how I live matters in the lives of other people. Now would you.

Agree with me that one of the reasons your role as a woman in the church who mentors younger women or even women that are younger in the faith who may be older than you or the same age exactly one of the reasons I believe this is so important is that where a man who is a member of the church may have very intense mentoring and discipleship being done.

A male elder of the church a male deacon of the church where the the male member being mentored and disciplined and or should I say disciple they don't mean discipline in a negative way although church discipline is a vital and a beautiful act of love an I'll get to that later because I myself have been under discipline in the past and I believe it saved my life physically because it rescued me.

It was a part of the way God rescued me out of the sin of habitual drunkenness. But but the way that a man can mentor a man in an intense and very personal and intimate way where the deepest darkest secrets are revealed and so on.

Since you and I I'm assuming since you're a member of Independence Reform Bible Church you would agree with me that leadership in the church is exclusively male. Yes a women a women you know it goes my grammar a woman does not have the privilege other than a general counseling session where and I am a firm believer that if a pastor is counseling a woman or an elder or a male deacon is counseling a woman they should have a woman present in that room at least at the very least multiple men and an open door and a woman in the building I think I think it is very extremely dangerous for pastors to be counseling women alone.

And I have seen the destruction that that has caused by men who started out very well-intentioned who had pristine reputations and who were theologically rock-solid and so on whose ministries were destroyed because of a lapse of judgment during that situation.

When you're in a very intimate conversation that is going on in a repeated fashion typically ongoing counseling sessions and emotions can build up in the male elder and the female congregant that they never thought would happen.

And unfortunately people have fallen into sin even if it's just sins of the heart that have not manifest themselves physically. But right. But that is why I believe that the one of the reasons that the mentoring role of women in the church for younger women is so important because they don't have the advantage of the average man to go to one of his elders or pastors or.

Deacons I would agree with that and and I think it's why God gave us the command that older women are to teach it. You know we are we have a responsibility as a Christian woman to obey God's commands.

This is one of them older women teach.

Younger women. Yes amen. I'm gonna give our listeners our email address. It is Chris Arnzen at gmail .com. Chris Arnzen at gmail .com. C-H-R-I-S-A-R-N-Z-E-N at gmail .com. As always give us your first name at least city and state of residence and your country of residence.

If you live outside the USA please only remain anonymous if your question involves a personal and private matter. And I could readily understand that this topic would lend itself to people having personal and private questions.

Especially if there are women listening and they have a question about their need for mentoring or something that has occurred in their lives through being mentored either negative or positive. Perhaps that's where some of our listeners were saved by the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ while they were being mentored in a church.

They may have even thought that they were saved prior to this mentoring and realized that they were not. But please send us an email to Chris Arnzen at gmail .com and we will be right back after this first commercial break.

So please do not go away.

The Mid-Atlantic Reformation Society presents the future of Christendom 2023 the gospel at war. September 15th to the 16th in Lancaster County Pennsylvania featuring Dr. James White of Alpha and Omega Ministries.

We are excited to be including a formal debate in this year's conference. Dr. James White of Alpha and Omega Ministries will be debating Dr. Gregory Coles author of single gay Christian a personal journey of faith and sexual identity.

The debate topic is gay Christian a biblically acceptable identity for a member of Christ Church. So come join us for the sixth future of Christendom conference. The event will take place at Spooky Nook Sports in Mannheim Pennsylvania and will run from Friday evening through all day Saturday with an invitation to the Sunday morning worship service of the Independence Reform Bible Church.

This will be a weekend packed with practical teaching with a theme of the gospel at war in many areas of our culture including government schools the Supreme Court missions feminism and even the church pulpits.

Head to future of.

Christendom org. James White of Alpha Omega Ministries. Here. I'm very excited.

To announce that my longtime friend Chris Arnzen of Iron Sharpens Iron Radio and I are heading down to Atlanta Georgia again for the g3 national conference that's Thursday September 21st through Saturday the 23rd on a theme that I have been preaching teaching writing about and defending in live public debates for most of my life the sovereignty of God.

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Go to g3min .org that's g3min .org and enter promo code g3isir that's g3isir for the 30 discount. Chris Arnzen. I look forward to seeing you all Thursday September 21st through Saturday the 23rd the g3 national conference in Atlanta Georgia on the sovereignty of God.

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For your 30 discount off the registration fee. I'm Brian McLaughlin.

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We are now back with our guest today, Beth Bingaman, who is an author and one of the featured speakers at the upcoming Future of Christendom conference, which also features keynote speaker Dr. James R. White of Alpha and Omega Ministries that's being held next weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, September 15th, 16th, and 17th at the Spooky Nook Sports and Events in Mannheim, Pennsylvania, which is in Lancaster County.

And please, if you haven't registered yet, go to futureofchristendom .org, futureofchristendom .org. Also, if you'd like to send in a question to Beth Bingaman on Intentional Influence, A Woman's Guide to Biblical Mentoring, send it to ChrisArnzen at gmail .com, ChrisArnzen at gmail .com.

And we have a question from Joyce in Little Silver, New Jersey. Never heard of that town before. Joyce says, I agree with you that male headship is the exclusive headship that we should have in a biblically-based church, but I must say in a former church that I was in that shared that view, when I was being interviewed for membership, it was extremely intimidating for me, being a woman, being the only female in a room with nothing but men who were examining what I had to say about my faith and life.

I think that women should be a part of those meetings, too, even though some might fear it gives the impression to outsiders that they are viewing women as equal in their roles with the male leaders. Obviously, I do not believe that from what I already said, but I still think it's important to put women at ease in such an important time in their lives when they're being interviewed for membership, and I was wondering what you.

Thought about that. Well, what I think is that I have been included several times, not for membership interview, but for women who are going to the elder board with a serious marriage issue with their husband, and I can remember specifically two times that I did this, and the wife before the meeting asked the elders if I could come as moral support, as someone, and I asked the woman, do you want me to speak or do you just want me there to hold your arms up through the battle?

And both times I respected the request of the women and the elders were very gracious about having another woman in there with her, not in any role of authority or leadership, but just to support her understanding that that was a little intimidating.

And so I wonder if we were willing to do that and knew that was an option, if we would go to our elders and say, you know, that's a little intimidating to me, do you think I could have someone in there with me?

I would hope that they would say yes. I also think we should expect that when that group gathers, they're gathering as leaders and you would hope for some mercy and some kindness to be extended to a woman in that situation.

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. And especially in this day and age, in the climate we have, of not only actual horrifying cases of abuse in some way of women by men in a church, but the false allegations.

A woman might just have some reason that she has an ax to grind against a certain church. And especially when you're talking about the one man, one male pastor or elder or deacon in a closed office with a woman, there is nobody there to confirm the pastor's defense of innocence.

So I just think that churches that keep plowing forward doing things the way they always did, just because they may fear the way something looks, as the listener Joyce said that she, I guess she was assuming that perhaps her former church did not have any women in those kinds of meetings because they didn't want people to think that they believe in women elders or something.

But, you know, that's obviously if you just make yourself clear about what you're doing, you don't have to worry about that kind of thing. But anyway, excellent question Joyce. And by the way Joyce, due to the generosity of my guest Beth Bingaman today, you're going to receive a free copy of her book Intentional Influence, A Woman's Guide to Biblical Mentoring.

I'm going to be picking those books up from her next week when I'm at the Future of Christendom conference, and those books will be mailed out to a limited number of our listeners at that time. So please make sure, Joyce, that you give me your full mailing address in Little Silver, New Jersey.

Thank you so much for an excellent question. What issues do you deal with in intentional influence that may not even be on the radar of many people, both men and women, when it comes.

To the importance of women mentoring women? I think that the most important thing, well there are several things I guess. One is the obedience to God, that this is something that He has called us to, we are to make disciples.

You know, we're not just to make converts, we're to make disciples. And so as you've said, women on women makes more sense even in being able to answer the questions that they have regarding raising their children, regarding loving their husbands, and even for the single woman, you know, how do I navigate this world as a single woman not having a husband to go into meetings with me and things like that?

So I think, first of all, we have that responsibility. I think that we've also lost a long-term generational view of what God is doing on earth. So we fail to see that I may mentor, you know, Susie Jones today, but it isn't just Susie Jones that will benefit by God's work in her through that, to grow her faith and her knowledge and her understanding of His word, her children and their children and their children down generationally.

So I think that's another thing that we've lost a view of that if we could get back into this understanding that we need to not just influence the woman sitting across from me, but we want that to have a domino effect straight on down.

I think there's also a responsibility that we have, you know, James 1 .22, we're to be doers of the word and not hearers only. So that's another portion of this that says to me, it doesn't have to be a formal long-term relationship that we could be doing this as we teach women.

You know, there's a new interest now. Younger generation wants to learn to can their vegetables and garden. And so again, they see hard times coming and they're trying to prepare for that. Well, there are older women who have all those skills who could be passing that down in a way that, again, you have a generational influence, but you also have a current influence on the woman or the women who might be learning that.

It could be in groups. It could be one on one. It can be around your kitchen table. So I think there are a lot of ways to obey God. And and then we get the blessing. He says he'll overtake us of the blessing if if we obey his word.

Excellent. We have an anonymous listener who says, Do you think when it comes to especially teenagers, it is wiser to have a woman in the church outside of the family mentor that female teenager or female teenagers, plural, in the home because of the fact that teenagers are probably less likely to open up and bear their soul with their own mother?

And I'm assuming I don't know about the intention of the question, but I'm assuming the. Anonymous listener doesn't mean that a woman I mean, a mother should not have a role to play in the mentoring of her own daughter or daughters, but to add to that the outside person from the church, outside woman from the church.

Right. I make a point in the book about saying you have to start at home. So if that is a definite top priority responsibility of a mother is to make sure that she is teaching her children, especially her, her daughters.

What is the godly role? What is the woman's role? I think that a parent has to be completely comfortable with the person coming in to their child. So if I'm going to think that my child is maybe not telling me things or there is a part of her life that she's in anguish about and I can see it, she's not telling me.

I want to say as a parent and who that might be. I fear and like you, I don't really know the basis of the question. I fear a little bit that you have somebody on the outside of the family saying, oh, I don't like what they're doing.

And so I need to go in there and teach them. And let's face it, Christianity today, these more biblical views are being rejected even by some people in the church. And so, you know, I've just spent weeks studying feminism for the talk next week.

And it's scary how this has infiltrated in the church. So I think, yes, there's nothing wrong with someone from the outside coming in and coming alongside of a teenage girl. But I do believe it has to be with parental knowledge, support.

All of that has to come from the parents. That daughter needs to understand they are the high authority over the mentor.

Now, your answer to that question was you were saying that it's acceptable. But do you think it is wiser to include that? And again, I was adding to that anonymous listener's question, in addition to the required role of the parents to raise up the child in the way they should go.

But do you think that it is wiser to include an added mentoring influence to a teenager, especially when you're talking about even a young woman can have a teenage daughter, relatively speaking, and she might even be extremely young in the faith?

But but also because of the reason that the listener gave, there may be a hesitancy for teenagers, even in a Christian home, to be completely honest with their.

Parents. It's very hard for me to say. That that should be done regardless of whether or not the parents want it, I think parents have to have the primary say.

Oh, yeah. I wasn't even in inferring that they should. That should be done without the.

Parents. OK, I felt like the question was, is it necessary to have this outside.

Person? That could have been her intention. But I think she just meant wise or it might not have even been a woman that wrote the question, but it's an anonymous. And of course, with always with the I don't believe that anybody has any right to be doing anything without the consent of parents.

With somebody else's children now, let me now that I'm saying that, I'm hearing myself say that. I'm assuming that there might be some other circumstances. Where a child, whether it's a young child or a teenager. Has been molested by a parent or something like that, molested by somebody in the household, shouldn't they have the freedom to go to someone first, like the pastor, like someone like you, if it is a female and report this and then eventually, obviously the leaders of the church would would confront the accused, the parent or the uncle or the aunt or whoever it is.

So wouldn't that kind of a thing be an exception?

Absolutely. I don't ever think you would turn away any child reporting any abuse because it's been so confirmed that it happens again and again and again. I think it's one of the other missing pieces, you know, if you go back and study God's law, he says, cry out, cry out.

If someone approaches you, if someone molests you, you are to cry out. If you're in the country, no one will hear you. But if you're in the city, you're to cry out. And I don't think we teach girls that we say, oh, well, don't tell anybody.