How To Give And Receive Criticism

Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston. No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ, based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the Apostle Paul said, �But we did not yield in subjection to them for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel would remain with you.

In short, if you like smooth, watered-down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn�t for you. By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we�re called by the Divine Trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her King.

Here�s our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth. Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry.

Pastor Steve is here. It is Tuesday at Tuesday Guy. Buenos dias, mis amigos. Sorry, it�s at the Tuesday Guy. Is it? Okay. All right. I�ll go with that. Sometimes I�m in the car and it�s 3 .30 and I think, I better listen to see what those guys are up to because we�ve recorded the show so far in advance, it�s new information to me.

Yeah, somebody asked me a question about something I said on the air and I�m like, okay, I�m going to have to go listen to the show because I don�t remember that.

Steve, I received an email from a lady not that long ago and she said she thinks maybe we�re being too nice and that she likes the older, I think, more aggressive shows better. I�m going to growl today.

I think it was an insinuation that we were kind of selling out for a larger platform.

Yeah, going easy, slowing down our old age. I think we probably are not.

Well, I�ll speak for myself. I think I�m probably nicer just because when you get this old, you lose your memory and it just seems like you�re nice when you can�t remember anything. We want to be popular.

We want the airwaves, baby. That�s what we want. I know. Well, if rock�s going to stay alive, it has to happen. So Steve, today I�d like to read a quick letter. You know, it�s one thing if you get an email scud or an email encouragement.

It�s another thing when you get an actual letter. Now this is a typed out. A physical letter? A physical letter, yes. It�s right here in front of me. It�s typed out so it�s not handwritten.

If it wasn�t a physical letter, could you do that?

I could just pick up a different piece of paper. I have this little tithe sheet over here, remember, from that church that somebody visited. Christian Assembly Church, Malachi 3, try me. You try me. So here is the letter.

January 6, 2015. Oh, it�s recent. Pastor Mike. This is, by the way, maybe my all-time favorite letter. I�m telling you ahead of time. It�s like the best because we�re going to launch into this. I�ve been a listener of No Compromise Radio since you went on the air on WV &E.

That�s five years ago. Is this your wife? No. Your show has helped me grow as a Christian. I listen. I try to listen every day unless I have to work late. It�s my wife. Yeah. Well, maybe. I want to thank you for spreading the good news of Jesus Christ to the greater Worcester area and your focus to lost Catholics.

Nice. Thank you, he said, for that. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. It�s a he. So I�m slowly giving the hints. Giving the game up. Until a believer in the Lord Jesus cared enough and witnessed the good news of salvation without works to me, I was lost in my sins.

It�s a priest. It�s hard for me to witness to my Catholic family members and friends who simply do not want to know the truth and think that I have been led astray. It seems the only thing I can do at this time is pray for their salvation.

Please accept the enclosed century note donation, $100 cash, for continuing your radio ministry. Now, I�m going to change his first name. Sincerely, Paul, and he called himself the bad Catholic. Wow. Paul the bad Catholic, $100.

That�s very nice. Man, I�m telling you. So he prayed the hundredfold. No, I don�t even want to. Well. That�s very sweet. The secretary said $100 cash and I gave it to the financial secretary, but I�m just wondering maybe she still got it.

There needs to be some checks and balances around here. We need an audit. So anyway, Paul the bad Catholic writes. And so, you know, here�s the thing. When we�re talking about Galatians 1 for instance, that it is a curse called upon others who teach a gospel that�s not a gospel at all, but a works righteousness system.

I�m not mad at a particular Roman Catholic. I�m certainly mad at the leadership because they know better. It�s not a matter of anger against a person. I�m angry at the Pope that he would teach nonsense, but.

Well, and any, you called it a system, any presentation of a supposed gospel, which is really not a gospel at all, anything that purports to be good news that is not good news. I remember, you know, I may have told this story before, but our mutual friend, Edwin, was over at our house yard sailing, you know, a one-year neighborhood yard sale.

And the two Mormon missionaries, females, were walking around the neighborhood and Edwin says to them, you know, what are you guys doing? Oh, we�re just going around people or telling people the good news.

And he said, well, what�s the good news? And, you know, she started in on it and he goes, that�s not good news at all. That�s very, very bad news.

And then gave them the gospel. And I was like, there you go. If the good news is love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbors yourself or any other law, that�s bad news.

Very bad. Think about the language even, Steve. I remember S. Lewis Johnson discussing Galatians chapter 1. Paul is after the Judaizers and they�re trying to say, listen, you believe in the deity of Christ.

Good. You believe in the Trinity. Good. You believe in monotheistic view of God. That�s good. You believe in the literal sin-bearing death of Jesus Christ, the resurrection, but you appropriate the benefits of the death of Christ through faith plus works.

And Paul says, you�re anathema, you know, if an angel or anybody else comes and teaches us, let them be accursed. And Lewis said, and I think rightly so, that the Catholics have gone way beyond the Judaizers in terms of their adding to how the gospel is appropriated.

Absolutely. I mean, when you actually say that, you know, people can store up extra merit and then give it to other people. I mean, there�s a whole convoluted system. I bet, I don�t want to say I bet, I guess that the vast majority of Catholics don�t even know most, you know, Catholic doctrine.

If they really got into it, I think they�d be pretty surprised at what it is contained.

Well, Paul starts off in Galatians, �Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ who gave himself for our sins to deliver us from the present evil age according to the will of God our Father to whom be the glory forever and ever.

And with a grace -based system, a sola gratia -based system, grace alone, God does receive all the glory. And then Paul says, you know, if someone preaches a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed.

And here�s what I like, Steve. Then he said in verse 10, �For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

And so, what we�re trying to do at the show is to honor the Lord Jesus Christ, and some won�t like it, but the main focus is we hope the Lord is pleased, and then we do get to see some of these notes trickle in to say thank you for telling us the truth.

Pete. And what a, I mean, that really is just about as good as it gets.

Steve. And in all honesty, you know, the money joke aside because we�re thankful for that, but I didn�t need the money. I mean, I was just so thankful to get that letter to say thank you, you know, I need to know the truth.

What are we going to do? Meet somebody in the hospital, and no doctor will tell them, �Listen, get your affairs in order because you�re going to die. This disease is going to kill you. Isn�t it good to tell the person, you know, maybe with a tear in your eye, �This is going to kill you, and you need to consider your letter.

Pete. And no doctor will do that, right? Zero.

So, okay, what else, Steve, do we have? We have good mail that is received. By the way, should we give the address out for all the donations if they want to send?

Pete. It�s donations at no compromise.

Steve I gave you something from Nine Marks Ministry, and tell me a little bit about Nine Marks Ministry. We like to encourage and support that ministry because I think they�re really doing a good work.

Pete Yeah, actually, I didn�t plagiarize it because I gave credit for it, but I did several years ago, I did a two-week series on the Nine Marks on a Sunday morning, and it�s a very good ministry out at Capitol Hill Baptist Church.

Mark Dever is the pastor there, and we know some of the folks from that church, and we�ve been there. We like it. So, yeah, we like the ministry.

Pete Well, Faithful Exposition, our biblical exposition, is one of the Nine Marks, and so when you have that, it�s hard to go too wrong.

Mark That�s right, because when you�re sticking by the Bible, you�re on pretty solid ground, we like to think.

Pete. If you�re listening and you are not at a good church and you were trying to find one, ninemarks .org, it�s with the number nine, not N-I-N-E, with the letters. Ninemarks .org, you can go to their how to find a church link and at least it gives you a good starting place.

I mean, it�s not foolproof, it�s not perfect, but it gives you a good starting point, other churches that agree with the Nine Marks.

Mark. Yeah, because people can get on the list that don�t really, you know, comport with the Nine Marks. But ultimately, we�ve had pretty good results going to that list.

Pete Actually, Bethlehem Bible Church is on the list, and we�ve received folks who have visited the church and are members because the Nine Marks link. Mark And we�re doing all this this morning because we like to have Mark Dever on the show.

Pete No, well, we tried. You know, it�s funny, I could say, well, I�ve had lunch over at Mark Dever�s house, but I don�t think he remembers me.

Mark It doesn�t really count. Pete I know.

So, they have articles on their website, Nine Marks, and one of their pastors there, I think he�s like the counseling pastor or something, Deepak Raju, R-A-J-U, I probably pronounced his name improperly.

Mark I think the last name is pronounced Chopra. Pete I don�t think so.

I�m not quite sure. And he has something that�s just posted today that is called Hate Mail. And so, it�s directed to pastors in particular, but I want to talk about criticism in general as well when it comes to what do you do if you disagree with your pastor?

How do you approach them? Should you ever send hate mail?

That kind of thing. Do you get a lot of hate mail, Steve? Steve. No, just, you know, every so often. You know, usually, here�s what I do find encouraging is usually when people are going to take the, make the effort to take the time to do that, it�s usually encouraging.

Usually. Pete. To get the hate mail? Steve. No, usually they send an encouraging note rather than, you know, a nasty gram, as we used to call them in police work.

Pete Would you like to give any counsel to people before they send an email. Scud, just a couple things that they should think of before they send it? Steve Well, yes. Pete. Okay, please. Please help us.

Because you know what, there are so many, you read Proverbs 10, you read the Proverbs in general, and basically think before you speak is a good derivative of the Bible in terms of principle. And so, sometimes we don�t apply that to our social media accounts.

Steve. Yeah, I mean, I just give, you know, a couple of basic things. Number one is give your pastor the benefit of the doubt, right? I mean, if you�re not sure, then here�s a great thing to do. If you�re not sure that he meant what you thought he said, ask.

You know, just ask a question. Rather than come out with accusations and everything else, want to ask him, pastor, did I understand you to say, you know, da da da da da, and let him explain? Rather than saying, I can't believe you said whatever it was you thought he said.

You know, the second thing is, I would encourage people, now this is really, really deep, to treat your pastor the way you would want to be treated. Now, I know that really sounds kind of crazy, but I think Jesus said something like that, so.

Pete. Well, Steve, I think that�s true,.

And I know you�ll agree. In addition to that, you know, there�s the buffer of, well, the pastor�s an authority and he�s an elder, I better be careful. Pete Sometimes that buffer�s gone when we interact with other Christians who aren�t in leadership.

Steve. Well, I was just talking about email, though, yeah.

Pete Right, right, but what I�m saying is, it�s probably easier to send a scud to your friend than it is to the pastor because you�ve got, you know, well, the pastor might get after me or something and he�ll call me on it, but to friends, it seems like it�s easier just to send an email that, you know, you�re not thinking and you�re blasting them.

Steve. So, that would be like gossip.

Pete. Well, I was reading this thinking, how does this apply to email and letters? The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked what is perverse.

And so, if our mouths are speaking the actual words, I think it applies directly to our emails that we need to be wise as we send out these emails.

Steve. Well, I mean, the results of your keyboard or your mouth, they�re both connected essentially to your mind and your heart, and they show what you�re thinking.

Pete. Right. All right. So, let�s talk about this particular email, this letter rather, this blog, this Nine Marks hate mail thing. There are six things, pastor, he said, that you should think about when receiving criticism.

And we�re going to turn this into not just pastors receiving criticism, but if you, the listener, receive criticism, lots of these things will be applicable. So, this is just our jumping off point, right?

Because our crack staff was sleeping today. They�re supposed to provide us all this information on the cutting edge demographics. All right? So, number one, pastors make mistakes. You are a sinner, you don�t always get things right.

And so, how should you as a pastor think about this? Well, you know what? Don�t we live in a fallen world and everybody we interact with, from our wives, to our pastors, to our friends, to our associates, don�t they make mistakes?

Don�t they sin? Don�t they fall short?

Pete Sure. And so, I mean, to broaden it, if someone brings an accusation against anybody or, you know, says, you did such and such, and that wasn�t the right thing to do, I think the first thing you want to do is consider whether there�s truth in what the person is saying, because it�s possible that you did something wrong.

Steve, what I do is I just copy what the world has been so successful at the non-admission admission, and you just say, well, I�m sorry you feel that way. I�m really sorry that you�re hurt.

Pete I�m sorry that you understood me to have offended you.

Steve. Right. So, the best thing to do is, if you have received criticism, here�s what I do, Steve, I haven�t even read all this article yet. I often say to myself, on good days, walking by the Spirit�s indwelling control days, I say to myself, there�s a reason why the Lord brought this criticism to my mind, because he could have prevented it, right?

So, why am I having to listen to this criticism? I don�t like it. I could easily say, the way you delivered it isn�t right. Why do we do that? When we receive criticism, it�s true, it�s valid, we know it�s right, but then we try to blame the way it�s delivered.

Well, because sometimes we don�t really want to change things, and or we just think, yeah, that might be true, but you�re not the right person to bring that to me, you know, who are you to talk to me like that?

And then, you know, we�ll deal with it on our own. I think it�s always good to just think, it�s not, I was going to say almost, it�s always good to be criticized. I love criticism. It�s always good to reflect on our own behavior to see whether there�s truth in anything, any accusation that�s brought against us.

And I don�t care if you�re a pastor or if you�re sitting in the back row, you know, I mean, the truth is, we all sin, we all fall short of the glory of God. No one�s above sinning or, you know, even if it�s not a sin, against making a mistake.

So, we need to understand that.

Steve, how does the work of Christ, His meritorious work for us, both His life and His death, how does that help us just fall on the sword? I mean, there�s a way to just go, you know what? I�ve been confronted and no, I didn�t do it the way how you said it.

I�m now offended by the way you�ve brought it to me. What�s a better way? If you did do what the person said, and it is a sin against God and a sin against them, how can the cross of Christ help us just take ownership?

Pete. Well, I mean, the first thing is if we just think about what Jesus went through, all the accusations He went through, all the things that He suffered and how He did not respond. You know, I mean, imagine what, if we could put ourselves wrongly, but if we could put ourselves mentally in the place of Jesus and just think, well, here�s what I would say if I was Jesus.

I would defend myself. I might even just kind of go, you know, full second person of the deity and, you know, use my reverb voice and go, who are you to talk to me like that? But if we think about Him as our example, and that�s how we are to think of Him in this respect, you know, He never uttered a word in His own defense and all these kind of things.

Well, we ought to just take a moment, think if these things are true, and if they are true, then we just, we can have a humble response, knowing that Jesus already died for our sin, and we could say to ourselves, I need to think about this.

I need to respond the way that my Master would have me respond. It's not about my pride or anything else. If I sinned, I need to just say, you know what? You're right.

Would you please forgive me? Pete. Pastor Steve with Pastor Mike here on No Compromise Radio. You can write us at info at nocompromiseradio .com. We're talking a little bit about just if somebody comes to you and confronts you regarding the sin or criticizes you, how should you respond?

Steve, I don't think I'm perfect at this by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I've grown because the Lord has grown me. I know that the Word sanctifies and the Holy Spirit is conforming me to the image of Christ.

When I first would be confronted by Kim for something that I would say or do, and you know, you knew me 20 years ago. And so, it was a regular thing, I'm sure, for me to just do something rude or unbecoming.

When I first was confronted by Kim, I had all these excuses and I really pushed back and I really wanted to try to defend myself. Don't we all want to do that? Isn't that the natural response? Pete. That's our nature.

And I have to say, there's nobody better at that than me. Pete I thought you were going to say me. No, I mean, I spent, you know, that's my whole life trying to justify myself. And, you know, I mean,.

We were really good at it when we were unbelievers. And then God saves us. Our status has changed, right? We're now adopted into the kingdom, but we're still dealing with sins and we're immature Christians and we're struggling with that and we grow.

And as we grow, we're able to, by the Word of God dwelling in us through the scriptures, you know, illumination. And we, you know, I'm trying to make this theological. Then we can, we can, we're doing better.

That is, we're lining up to what God says within His Word more often. So it's easier for me today, now that I've been a Christian for 25 years, for me to say, you know what, honey, you're right. I want to defend myself, but I'm guilty.

I'm thankful I have a Savior. I've just, I've asked the Lord to forgive me. And I'm wondering if you would forgive me too. I'm sorry. Pete. It's pretty good. That's a lot better, by the way. And if I was a pragmatist, Steve, I would say that's the way to go.

It's like, you know, when my kid does something, one of my children does something wrong. If they're saying to me, I won't admit it. I still think I'm right. Who are you? The only reason you're right, dad, is because you're an authority.

You know, they wouldn't say it, but you know, their eyes do. Then I'm going to just keep pushing my figurative foot down on their figurative neck until they literally say uncle, right? Isn't that the way it goes?

Pete. Yeah, sometimes that's what has to happen. Pete. All right. What else does this article say that we can use for radio today? What if you're accused falsely of something?

Pete. Well, I still want to, I don't want to just blurt out, that's not true. You know, I still have to think, first thing, I'm going to go right through it again. I'm going to say, well, I need to consider it and see if it is true and really kind of examine it.

So, if I think something's false, as soon as I hear it, I'll probably say something like, you know what, that's very interesting, let me think that over. And then if I, you know, I run through things and I go, you know, that's really not true, then I'll write back or talk to the person and say, you know what, I've thought about this, I've prayed about it, I've really focused on your accusation, and I have to say it's just not the case.

Pete Steve, as we're working through this, receiving criticism, let's also talk about how we give criticism to others. I'm reading 1 John 4 now. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

Tell me a little bit about a good attitude that we can have, especially for those who have the spiritual gift of criticism. How does that work?

Pete. Well, I think you just want to go right to Matthew 7 and, you know, think, okay, if I see this in this other person, is that the speck and I have the beam in my own eye? In other words, I need to do some self-examination before I go to that other person with my critique.

I think people are too quick to throw criticism around and they really don't take the time to kind of examine their own hearts.

So, Steve, if you have, do you confront, you know, your wife, let's say, about five times a day? I mean, I probably sin 50 times a day, but let's say Janet sins five times a day. Do you confront her on every single sin?

I mean, how often should a spouse be confronting their spouse versus love covers a multitude.

Of sins? Pete Yeah, I don't actually think she sins five times a day, so.

Pete. Yeah, okay, well, that's probably true. I know with the super irrigation merits, treasury stuff you've been talking about.

Pete Probably about five times a year, I think.

Is probably more like it. Pete. But, okay, so let's forget about Janet or Kim. What about, you know, people that they're confronting their spouse every day?

Pete. Yeah, a big mistake. I mean, I tell married couples, especially young ones all the time, you are not the Holy Spirit. Do not think you are the Holy Spirit. If you want a miserable marriage, correct your spouse often, you know, and you'll reap what you sow.

Pete. Well, we are so sinful and so fallible and finite. We just need to make sure, okay, if I just worry about myself and how I fall short, then I'm going to see others through that lens where I've been graced.

Don't we love grace? So, if we love receiving grace, why wouldn't we love to give grace?

Pete. Because it's more fun to just, you know, blow somebody up or to point to somebody's mistakes. I mean, listen, I do that when I read documents, right? I pick out all the mistakes and stuff like that.

But when you're talking about somebody's life, we need to be more cautious, more circumspect.

Pete Steve, we're so much nicer now on No Compromise Radio. See, some people, they yearn for the older days.

Pete We've grown so much in the last five years. Pete I appreciate that. Mike Abendroth with Steve Cooley.

See you tomorrow. Announcer. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston. Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible-teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life-transforming power of God's Word through verse-by-verse exposition of the sacred text.

Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at 6. We're right on Route 110 in West Boylston. You can check us out online at bbcchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.

The thoughts and opinions expressed on No Compromise Radio do not necessarily reflect those of WVNE, its staff, or management.