TLP 367: The Spiritual War in Your Home, Part 13 | biblical conflict resolution for your family, part 1

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This is likely the most counter -intuitive point today. If we could just get this one thing, it would drastically change how we engage the flesh in our homes.

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Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Lord willing, we are just three episodes away from wrapping up our

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Spiritual Warfare in Your Home series. It's possible you found this podcast because you're looking for a biblical conflict resolution method for your family, and I'm so glad that you've joined us.

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Truth. Love. Parents is a community of believers who love God and the family. We're committed to glorifying God by equipping dads and moms to be the parents

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God called and created them to be. I hope this first interaction with us will lead you to many more in the future.

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Please check out TruthLoveParent .com to learn who we are, discover amazing free parenting resources, and continue on your path toward becoming an intentional, premeditated, disciple -making ambassador parent.

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We have over 350 podcast episodes spanning marriage, parenting, and family topics from communication to consequences, sexuality to spiritual warfare, and faith to friends.

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Typically, people who discover a new podcast generally just keep up with the newest episodes, but we encourage you to go back to the beginning or peruse our content for specific episodes and studies that can be applicable to you and your family right now.

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Our content is evergreen and will never go out of style because it's founded on God's Word, which makes it eternally relevant and practical.

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And also, never hesitate to send an email to counselor at TruthLoveParent .com if you'd like to get specific biblical guidance for your unique family situation.

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Lastly, while you are at TruthLoveParent .com, you can check out our blog, Taking Back the Family, where you'll gain access to our free episode notes and transcript.

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We are so honored to have you join us today, and we hope this episode is a blessing. But please understand that everything we're talking about today is built on a foundation that started 13 episodes ago.

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I think starting at the beginning of this series will help you appreciate and apply this information much better. My personal biblical counseling ministry involves meeting in face -to -face as well as virtually with adults, children, families, couples, and everything in between.

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I specialize in marriage and family counseling with a proficiency with at -risk families, but I've worked with many suffering with anything from the consequences of addictions to church hurt.

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If I or any of the other TLP counselors could ever be a blessing to you, please check out TruthLoveParent .com

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to learn more. We offer various levels of counsel, and I'm sure you'll find it much more affordable than secular options.

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Anyway, I mention that primarily because I put together today's material while I was doing premarital counseling for a wonderful couple.

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How many of you wish you had learned about biblical conflict resolution when you were just getting married? And the rest of us wish we had actually used what we had learned.

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But it wasn't until I was researching our last episode that I realized how perfectly these concepts align.

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In fact, they're identical. While some people may call it conflict resolution, it's also a necessary part of spiritual warfare, specifically when we interact with somebody else's sinful flesh.

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But both of these are even an integral part of yet one more biblical concept we'll discuss at the end of our next show.

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As we discuss this material over the next two episodes, we'll dip back into many of the concepts we've discussed so far because these will likely be our final episodes concerning how to engage our spiritual enemies.

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We're going to focus primarily on engaging the most dangerous enemy, the flesh, both in ourselves as well as in others, but we'll talk about demonic forces and the world as well.

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Let's start by reviewing one more time so we're all on the same page. Remember, practice makes permanent.

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We may walk away inspired after listening to a single podcast episode, but the information is too easy to forget when we find ourselves in the thick of family life.

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It will take repetition and focus in order to see significant change in us and our kids. All of this review really is helpful.

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Number one. The spiritual war is a war of the mind. Victory and defeat are found in whether or not we choose to believe

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God or trust our own understanding. Two. This is why the spiritual war is fought on the battleground of the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.

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If our spiritual enemies can convince us that we have a better plan than God, pride, then it'll be easy to dangle deceptive carrots in front of our eyes, tempting us to pursue that which

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God forbids. When the lust of the eyes has fallen to the enemy, it won't be long before we act out on our delusion and are left decimated in the lust of the flesh.

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Three. Our three spiritual enemies are Satan, the world, and the flesh. If anyone in our family is unsaved,

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Satan's demonic forces actually have the ability to possess and control them. If our family members are born again,

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Satan may not be able to possess them, but he is going to use other things to tempt us. He may attack us physically, he may tempt us through someone else he's possessing, or he may use the combined world system.

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The world system is Satan's propaganda machine. It's the communal failure philosophies and the deception of which

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Satan has convinced the masses. And those masses are made up of individuals who all have a sin nature.

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The flesh is in all of us, believers and unbelievers, and tempts us to deny God's truth.

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It's the most dangerous and diabolical enemy because neither Satan nor the world can make a believer sin, but the sinful flesh will be the thing that works in us, bringing about consequences and destruction.

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And number four. Over the past four episodes, we've discussed how God would have us engage each of these enemies, and today we're continuing our discussion of what it looks like to engage the sinful flesh in our spouse or kids without making our spouse or kids the enemy.

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Our last episode was extremely important in explaining the difference between making our family members the enemy and making their flesh the enemy.

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Messing that up is at the center of nearly 100 % of all family dysfunction. And with that, here we go.

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I want to present six stages of biblical conflict resolution over the next two episodes and end our discussion by helping us see how vitally important these six stages are within God's larger plan for His people in general and your family in particular.

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1. We will never resolve conflict to God's glory if we don't prepare our minds.

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For those of you who are new to the show, let me explain why I frame that point in a way that sounds kind of negative.

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If I had said, in order to resolve conflict to God's glory, we must prepare our minds, it's extremely easy for us to either passively dismiss the statement or simply assume that we already do that.

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Many times, it doesn't really get us thinking. However, when I say, we will never resolve conflict to God's glory if we don't prepare our minds, everyone's brain is now firing, trying to figure out if what

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I said was accurate or not. Some people are immediately trying to disprove what I said and others are beginning to digest it.

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But the key is that we're all thinking about it. And since spiritual warfare is a war of the mind, we better get them turned on.

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Satan loves nothing more than attacking an unmanned outpost. But back to the point. It's true that if we don't deal with our own sinful flesh first, how on earth can we expect to glorify

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God in anything? We're never going to do the right thing in the right way for the right reason in the right power if we don't intentionally and premeditatedly choose to trust

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God's plan. So, what does preparing our minds entail? Three things. A.

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Be thankful for the conflict. We've talked a lot about this in our

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Parenting Suffering Children series, as well as our video Bible study through the book of James. By the way, anytime

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I reference a previous episode or resource, we'll include links in the description of the episode so you can easily find them if you're interested in continuing your study.

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We can't dedicate time today to describing exactly how we should be thankful for the fact that our children are melting down.

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Our spouse maybe is shutting us out or any number of real and imagined trials, but it's what God says and we have plenty of resources to help us better understand it, many of which again are linked in the description of this episode.

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But one way we can be thankful is by acknowledging that God is working. James 1, 2 -4 and Romans 8, 28 -29 are extremely helpful in opening our eyes to this truth.

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But we can also be thankful because according to 1 Corinthians 13, 7, we've been called to hope all things and believe all things.

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We need to enter a conflict situation trusting that God is actively working in you and your family member and that we lovingly hope and believe that our family member is going to respond correctly when confronted, thereby growing and changing.

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If we're only going to have a conflict, there is not much for which to look forward except how

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God promises to use a situation to mature us and that alone is enough. But since we're talking about conflict resolution, we can get even more excited about that because it involves reconciliation.

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It involves a conflict being resolved. Let me say one more thing about this step before we move on. This is likely the most counterintuitive point today.

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If we could just get this one thing, it would drastically change how we engage the flesh in our homes.

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If we could simply be thankful for our parenting and not so upset about it.

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Thankful for the fact that God has given us a chance to speak truth into our children's lives. Thankful that God is using the sin in my children's lives to help me see how they need to get parented better and thankful for the fact that God wants to use all of that to parent me.

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Wow. Seriously, before reacting internally or externally to the conflict in your home, talk to God.

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Thank the Lord for the opportunity to glorify Him by helping your family member glorify Him. It will set you on the right path from the very beginning.

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Okay, so we prepare our minds by being thankful for the conflict, but we also need to be check your flesh.

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We should all be very familiar with the fact that Jeremiah 17 9 says the heart is more deceitful than all else and desperately sick.

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Who can understand it? And we've talked in great detail about the sinfulness of our sin nature. This means that we should not automatically assume in any situation that we're automatically right, either in our position or in our response to their position or behavior.

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We need to do some self -triage first before diving headlong into the conflict. Picture it this way.

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You may be trying to assist your child who's clearly being laid to waste by the world and the flesh and the battleground of the pride of life, but you too are being demolished on your own pride of life.

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How helpful do you really think you can be? This is why in Matthew 7 1 through 5, Jesus says, do not judge so that you will not be judged.

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For in the way you judge, you will be judged. And by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

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Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

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Or how can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye and behold, the log is in your own eye?

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You hypocrite. First take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

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We parents often say all the right things, but we say them in all the wrong ways. We're trying to remove the splinter of not staying in bed with the log of annoyance and bad attitude that my child is inconveniencing me swinging out of our head.

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Sure, our kid may get the picture that getting out of bed is a bad idea, but only because it makes mommy angry. And by extension, if mommy can react that way when she doesn't get what she wants, how do

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I get to react? Before entering any spiritual engagement with someone else's sin nature, you must start by making sure the content and the method of your communication is pleasing to the

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Lord. We have many resources about family communication and I hope it will help you better understand

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God's expectations for how we talk to each other. And if you find that there is a log sticking out of your eye, you need to address it with the same spiritual weapon you're preparing to use on the individual in front of you.

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Even Paul had to do this. Romans 7, 14 through 24 says, For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.

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For what I am doing I do not understand, for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing

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I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the law, confessing that the law is good.

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So now no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.

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For the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want

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I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing

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I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find, then, the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.

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For I joyfully concur with the law of God and the inner man, but I see a different law upon the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.

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Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? First, Paul recognized the reality of his own sinful heart.

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But look at what he trusts. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our

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Lord. So then, on the one hand, I myself, with my mind, am serving the law of God.

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Christ -honoring behavior can only come when serving God by obeying His law. If you're a born -again believer, you need to ask

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God for wisdom to know His truth and confess and repent where your life does not line up to it. You don't have to wonder where to find

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His truth, it's all in the Bible. You then need to see your own gospel need in the moment and let fly the truth right into the foolish thoughts and beliefs in your own mind that convinced you that your way was better than God's.

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Remember, truth either destroys or it sanctifies. When you interact with it, you will either become calloused to it and hate it, or you'll see it for what it is and submit to it.

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And the third way we prepare our minds is C. Remember that your struggle is not against flesh and blood.

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I won't spend much time on this point because I think we've done a good job of that over the past 13 episodes.

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Before you engage in spiritual conflict with another, prepare your mind by thanking God for the opportunity, confronting your flesh as necessary, and remembering who the real enemy is in the situation.

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2. We will never resolve conflict to God's glory if we don't make the time.

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There are two important facets of this point. The first is A. Don't run from conflict. I love how

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Jesus presents both sides of any conflict. In Luke 17, 3 -4, he addresses how we should respond if someone sins against us.

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Be on your guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times, saying,

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I repent, forgive him. And in Matthew 5, 23 -24, he details what we should do if we have sinned against another.

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Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go.

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First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Either way, we never have an excuse to dodge or avoid conflict.

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Now, I'm not saying that we look for conflict and foolishly run into a dispute, but I am saying that Galatians 6, 1 says,

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Brethren, even if anyone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

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And the final admonition in James 5, 19 -20 says, If we can engage in biblical conflict resolution, we must.

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It's not okay to ignore sin. It's not okay to let your kid work through it on their own. It's not okay to pretend like it didn't happen.

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It's not okay to throw out worldly slogans and platitudes like, it's okay, or boys will be boys, or let them cry it out.

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Those are all avoidance techniques, and God commands us to confront, to do it obviously in the right way, but to confront nonetheless.

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And just in case you're not convinced, 1 Thessalonians 5, 14, We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly.

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2 Thessalonians 3, 14 -15, If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person, and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame.

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Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. 1 Timothy 5, 20,

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Those who continue in sin, rebuke in the presence of all, so that the rest also will be fearful of sinning.

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I think you get the idea. And B, resolve the conflict in a timely manner, immediately, if possible.

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This point was originally, resolve the conflict immediately. And we're going to see that the expectation is that we address the issue as soon as possible, but I want to leave room open for you to get in your heart right first.

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Take whatever time necessary to be truly thankful for the situation, deal with your own fleshly failures, and focus on the correct enemy.

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But, on the other side, don't drag your feet so much that you end up avoiding it or forgetting about it. That's not helpful for anyone.

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Immediacy is best, but, of course, only if it glorifies God. Do you remember what Jesus said in Matthew 5, 23 -24?

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If you're presenting your offer, and you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering right there.

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First, go be reconciled, and then come present your offering. God says that if you've sinned, there's nothing more important, including the active worshiping of God, than being reconciled.

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And Ephesians 4, 26 tells us to be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil any opportunity.

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We discussed what all of that means in, Is it okay to get mad? Suffice it to say that even godly anger is not sustainable.

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There are biblical principles that limit how long we're to be angry. I hope that episode helps you understand them. Okay, so those are the first two points.

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They're mostly preliminary. Get your mind right, and make the time. But this third point is the first confrontation, and you should all know what it is.

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Take our previous studies. Take everything you know about the spiritual weapon, the communication house, peace, the parents' five jobs, and even the name of this ministry.

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That's right, number three. We will never resolve conflict to God's glory if we don't speak truth.

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I don't need to spend much time on this, considering what we've discussed from day one on this show, and obviously in much greater detail over the past six episodes.

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The first part of the spiritual weapon listed in Ephesians 6 is truth. 2 Corinthians 10, 3 -6 explains how the spiritual war of the mind is a war against what is true about God.

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Romans 1 details the fall of men who reject God's truth. Jesus says that he is the truth.

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Our theme verse, Ephesians 4, 15 says, Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects unto him who is the head, even

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Christ. And 2 Timothy 3, 16 is just one of many verses that explain that God's word is the totality of the truth we need for life and godliness on this earth.

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Biblical conflict resolution is not about making someone agree with me. It's about all of us agreeing with God.

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One of the universal truths about any kind of conflict is that no one person is 100 % right while the other is 100 % wrong.

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It happens from time to time, sure, I've seen it, but generally both people involved are partially right and partially wrong.

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It's impossible for people in that position to come to any agreement on those terms. Neither one will want to accept where the other is clearly wrong.

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But with God's absolute truth as the goal, we're both called to bend and move and change to align ourselves with him.

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Conflict resolution is simply two or more people discovering what God has to say and encouraging each other to do that.

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That's the only way a true, non -compromising resolution and reconciliation can be achieved.

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I hope you're encouraged. I hope you're seeing that though this may be the beginning of a long journey for you and your family, it will be worth it.

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The spiritual war is waging. You can't control that. But you can be used by God to help your family have victory in their battle.

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Please, share this episode on your favorite social media outlets. Conflict resolution is Parenting 101 and we all need to do it better.

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Also, don't forget about Counselor at TruthLoveParent .com. We're here to help and we promise to use God's truth to help you and your family be reconciled to each other and to him.

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And remember, if we want our children to grow up into Christ, that's right, we must parent in truth and love.

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To that end, join us next time as we look at the final three stages of biblical conflict resolution. Truth.

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Love. Parents. is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.