FBC Spring Bible Conference

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Guest Speaker: Rev. Mark Chanski, author of "Encouragement: Adrenaline for the Soul"

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New covers we've changed out some of the Some of the songs added a few took some out ends up being the same number of pages nevertheless
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But anyway number 19 in that book Dear refuge of my weary soul.
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Let's stand together as we sing you feel weary tonight Well, you got a refuge to go to if you're feeling that way dear refuge of my weary Soul on me when sorrows rise
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On thee when waves of trouble roll my fainting hope relies
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To thee I tell each rising grief for thou
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Alone can't heal Thy word can bring a sweet relief for Every pain
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I feel But oh when gloomy doubts prevail
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I fear to call thee mine
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The springs of comfort Seem to fail and all my hopes decline
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Yet Gracious God, where shall
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I flee thou art? my only trust and still my
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Soul would cleave to thee though prostrate in the dust
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Hast thou not bid me seek thy face and Shall I seek in vain?
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And can the ear of sovereign grace
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Be deaf when I come? No still the ear of sovereign grace
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Attends the mourner's prayer Oh May I ever find access to breathe my sorrows there
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Thy mercy Seat is Open still here.
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Let my soul retreat With humble hope attend
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I will and wait beneath thy feet
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Thy Mercy seed is open still here.
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Let my soul retreat With humble hope attend
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I will and wait beneath my feet a
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Wonderful song of encouragement. Let's open in prayer. Good to have Wayne Epps with us tonight
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Wayne, would you please lead us? Thank you.
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Wayne. You may be seated. I want to read just a few verses from Ephesians chapter 5
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Ephesians chapter 6. I mean, sorry first few first four verses have to do with parents and children
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We are still doing encouraging to parents, right? Yeah, okay He's he's a deep conversation back there.
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We are still doing encouraging to parent encouragement for parents, right? Encouraging parents or something. Okay, good.
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All right It's one double check Ephesians 6 So Paul exhorts first of all the children.
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He says children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth
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And here I think is especially a good focus for tonight and you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath
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But bring them up in the training and the admonition of the Lord The Lord add his blessing to the reading of his word tonight one other hymn
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Turned number 38 in that song book number 38 How can
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I keep from singing My life flows on in endless song above earth's
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Lamentation I catch the sweet though far off him that hails a new creation
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No storm can shake my in most calm while to that refuge clinging
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Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth How can
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I keep? from singing Through all the tumult and the strife
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I hear that music ringing It finds an echo in my soul.
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How can I keep from singing? No storm can shake my in most calm while to that refuge
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Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth
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How can I keep? from singing What though my joys and comforts die the
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Lord my Savior livid What though the darkness gather round songs in the night he giveth
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No storm can shake my in most calm while to that refuge clinging
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Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth How can
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I keep? from singing The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart a fountain ever springing
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All things are mine since I am his how can
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I keep? Singing No storm can shake my in most calm while to that refuge clinging
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Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth How can
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I keep? from singing Before I have more come just a word of reminder that tomorrow
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Bob Nap has next chemo treatment. This is the rough one. So pray for him tomorrow as he endures that update on Shirley Had that eye surgery yesterday and everything went very well with that very smooth thing and They were on their way home by about one o 'clock.
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I think in the afternoon She was to go back to Rockford today for just a follow -up exam on it
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But they said everything everything happened exactly as they expected and hoped for Let's take a moment and pray for Bob and for some of these needs
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Lord we do pray for you some of your people tonight who are hurting Some still some sickness going around and affecting people.
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I pray that you would give speedy recovery to those illnesses Pray especially for Bob as he faces this round of chemo tomorrow
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Pray that it would be effective and pray that the effects would be minimal from it. We just pray for Sustaining grace for him and father.
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We pray again for continue to pray for Jodi and ask that you would Encourage her and give her peace of mind through this time as she herself
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Continues to to go through Rehab and physical therapy and recovery or bless these folks we pray and Continue to bless
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Shirley give complete healing to that. I Lord we commit these things to you tonight, and we ask them in Jesus name.
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Amen one thing I do want to mention to membership It wasn't in the bulletin.
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I forgot to mention. It's Sunday But this coming Sunday after the morning service at the end of the morning service will be having a quarterly business meeting
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So count on that I Promise that I won't preach my typical 75 minutes
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It's a joke Yeah So so that we won't be here till one o 'clock, but we do have that meeting
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So just have to be aware of that chance key. Come on ahead Well, thank you again for the warm welcome that you've given to me and my wife
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Diane. This has been like that honey to Jonathan he was a weary man and he put his
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Spear -tip into the honeycomb and it brightened his eyes and just being among you has been very eye -brightening
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Thank you for the encouragement. It's been like a cold drink of water from a distant land to me and my own heart
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Well, we've been talking about the theme of encouragement Adrenaline for the soul and it speaks about how important it is for us to be encouragers of One another we've been working on that passage from first Thessalonians 511.
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You can turn their first Thessalonians 511 it says therefore encourage one another and Build up one another
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Just as you are doing Also, it says in Proverbs 15 for a soothing tongue is a tree of life
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But perversion in it crushes the spirit and one more passage
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As we think of parenting and how we as parents can be encouragers fathers don't
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Exasperate your children so that they lose heart let's pray together our
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Heavenly Father we Thank you for the blessings of this time that we've been able to have together
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We thank you that we have been able to share fellowship together by by eating together and drinking together and talking together and Worshiping together and gathering around your word together and in one last time we come to this this well of your word and we pray that you would give to us a bucket of Refreshment and may it be brimming over with wisdom from heaven come
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Holy Spirit. We pray in Jesus name Amen John Abbott wrote a book
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Entitled the mother at home and and he said this nothing can more discourage a child than a spirit of incessant fault -finding on the part of his parent
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In fact, the Lord has given to parents and almost disturbing dictatorial rule over their children
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Pastor Brian read of the fifth commandment that reads honor your father and your mother and just think about that How this gives parents a sway over their little ones like none other as God solemnly obligates children to honor their parents that word honor is the
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Hebrew word conveyed which Fundamentally means take as heavy
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It means don't disrespectfully treat your parents words as lightweight feathers
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So that when they hit you they don't budge you But instead take your parents words as heavy sandbags so that when you hear them they move you in the direction of their counsel as Morally and spiritually we are to honor our parents by being moved by their words by obeying them now children are to allow their parents words to move them and direct them and influence them and Impact them and this makes the the honoring child then vulnerable and the honorable parents careful to select words that are true and Not false when we speak to our children words that are kind and not cruel words that are life -giving and not soul -crushing and so we as parents should strive to encourage our
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Children and I want to address this theme under three main headings. First. We'll look at Fathering and Secondly, we'll look at mothering and thirdly.
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We'll look at Grandparenting so three main headings tonight. Come on with me first to fathering fathering
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Dr. James Dobson familiar name to any here in the room.
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He reminisced about the imperfections of his own dad He writes this.
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I remember working with him one day in the backyard when I was 15 years old on a day when he was particularly irritable for some reason he just crabbed at me
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Thompson writes for everything that I Did even even when
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I hustled and finally he yelled at me for something I considered petty and I just threw down the rake and I just quit
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I walked off I I walked across our property down the street while my dad demanded that I come back
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It was one of the few times in my life when I ever took my dad on like that well I meandered around town for a while wondering what would happen to me when
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I finally went home and I ended up at my Cousin's house on the other side of town and after several hours there with my knees quaking
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I called home and my dad said stay there. I'm coming over and To say that I was nervous would be a gross
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Understatement and in a short time dad arrived and I asked to see me alone
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And he said to me Bo that was his nickname James Dobson's nickname was
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Bo Bo he began I didn't treat you right out there this afternoon I was riding your back for no good reason and I want you to know that I'm sorry and Your mom and I want you to come home now
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And Dobson says that was a particularly difficult moment for my dad But that day my dad made a friend for life now
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I I Myself could wish that critical Crabby irritability never stained my fatherhood
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But I know it did in fact. It's a besetting fault of Not a few dads probably in this room on these brown benches
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You see the keynote of fathers shouldn't be critical irritability
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But instead it should be encouragement Harmony that should be the keynote in fact the first recorded words between our begetting heavenly father and his beloved son are full of significance and Instruction just think of what it says in Matthew 3 at the
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Jordan River baptism the Lord Jesus says this when he had been baptized
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Jesus came up immediately from the water and Behold the heavens were opened to him and he saw the
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Spirit of God Descending like a dove and alighting on him and suddenly a voice
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This is the voice of his father a voice came from heaven saying this is my beloved son
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And what do you say about him? With whom I am well pleased
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One commentator says this There's a world of information about fatherhood in these two brief verses.
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Did you hear it? This is my beloved son With whom I am well, please the commentator says is first When Jesus was baptized his father was there
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Which is huge for us as fathers Second the father the heavenly father made his presence felt
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By sending his spirit to descend like a dove in order to rest on Jesus Third the heavenly father made his presence known by speaking.
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And and so what did he say? He said this is my son and Fourth he expressed his love for his son.
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This is my beloved son and Last he expressed his pleasure in his son
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So think about this with this keynote that we see here The first thing we are told about the relationship of the father
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To the son is that the father thought his son was doing a great job
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And this commentator, I think rightly says this is the keynote of healthy fathering he here is the tuning fork pitch of Fatherhood, you know how as a as a piano tuner tunes the the steel strings by a certain standard of perfect pitch
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Dad's here is the perfect pitch of fatherhood that we see in the perfect father and the the perfect son this passage is a standard by which earthly fathers should tune the strings of the relationships with their children
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Because because this is what ideal fatherhood Sounds like listen to it.
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Listen to the the sweet harmony between the father and The son in the clouds in the river.
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This is the keynote and it's Pleasure, this is the pitch. Well, please and the commentator warns this way
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When we don't match that pitch a lot of things are going wrong
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Now I know what you're thinking as you sit there maybe with your cross arms and you may protest says
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Oh, come on mark. Come on. My child doesn't measure up to the virtue of Jesus.
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Well, I got that I understand that but none of us measure up either do we to the virtue of the
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Lord Jesus? But still our Heavenly Father daily throws us Circumstantial kisses and he whispers scriptural
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Encouragements every day and you know what on the last day he will crown us miserable children with this endorsement
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Well done good and faithful servants He he is the
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God the holy holy holy God who is able to find the good even amidst
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That which is sinful and that's the way it ought to be for us in the way that we deal with our
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Children mean God God the Heavenly Father. He he showers us even today you think about how
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We could have been in an Arctic blizzard today and said we were sun -kissed here in Sterling, Illinois Weren't we don't complain it wasn't as warm as you wanted to be and you wanted to go golfing today
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But we got to bask in the Sun today I got to I got to have a piece of June's chocolate cake at dinner tonight
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That kind of sweetness is a kiss served up on a platter By the
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Lord to a hell -deserving sinner. That's how the Heavenly Father treats is not so perfect Children.
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Sure. Sure. I understand. I understand Roger That that fathers must reprimand their children.
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They must rebuke them and discipline them In fact, it does say in Hebrews 12 8 without discipline.
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You'd become illegitimate children and not sons But what's true about us fathers is that we need to resist our tendency to be excessive fault finders
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Because that can be my default setting myself in my
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Parenting in training our children say to to strive for excellence
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We want them to be good at what they do, right? So we got to push them but We can become in that pushing them to be excellent we can become abrasive and and white -glove reprimanding drill sergeants
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Hypercritically evaluating everything they do because they don't measure up to our high expectations
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Who has battled with that kind of a thing battled with Oh things thinking to ourselves
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But she speaks with such a bit of a lisp or he can't yet tie his own shoes so that they stay or maybe his hair is wrong or He slept too long or how about this one?
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He mowed the grass in the wrong configuration And there is a right way to mow the lawn isn't there or or She doesn't sit like a lady or he mumbles instead of speaking clearly or he bought jeans with Wear marks already on them or he talks with his mouth full or he puts way too much syrup on his
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Waffles or his sense of humor isn't nearly as witty as the neighbor boys
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You see like like Dobson's dads. We can become constantly badgering and nitpicking
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Can't we dance that that can that can happen? That's why it says in Ephesians 6 for fathers
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Don't provoke your children to wrath. We need that admonition. Don't we or in Colossians 321 fathers?
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Don't exasperate your children That they may not lose heart
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Some of us can take the heart right out of our children by being hyper critical by not giving
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Encouragement in fact a sour tone that's provoking and exasperating can be relationally corrosive
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We can usually hear it better in other people when we see them Interacting with their children, then we can hear it in ourselves
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In fact, I can remember as a younger father Hearing that sourness in a in a pastor friend of mine
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It was just the way that he that he talked to his son The two would verbally spar back and forth and I heard little sweetness in their sparring and a lot of bitter
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The dad just seemed to interpret almost everything his son did and said from just the darkest angle and his tone wasn't pleasurable, but it was kind of adversarial and then over the years the relationship seemingly never got out of that rut and The rest is really quite a sour history because the son went off to the to the far country.
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I Know as I evaluate myself that that I have been rutted in that tone, too
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And typically it's my help meeting wife who has recognized it mark
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She would say and she's told me about it and she Threw me a rope and she pulled me out of that kind of sourness
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We need our brides. Don't we alongside of us to help us in our fathering? We're talking about how fathers we need to be
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Encouraging giving that adrenaline for the soul Sam Crabtree has a really good book on being encouraging and being affirming and Crabtree tells of lecturing at a seminar to a campus crusade staff on the benefits of building up others by praise and by affirmation and during the second session
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One man's chair was conspicuously empty. He was there for the first session He's he's gone for the second and later on that man sought out
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Sam with an explanation for his absence And here's what he said. Hey Sam, I I'm sorry
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I missed your next session, but but after you talked about praising and affirming and encouraging
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I Went right to the phone because I have a 14 year old son who hasn't spoken to me for about two years
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You see we used to fight about almost everything and over time the fight dissolved into a long silent uneasy truce
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So after being convicted by this teaching on affirmation you gave during that first hour I went off to the phone and I called my son.
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I was resolute I wasn't going to criticize or correct him in any way during that conversation
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I was just gonna praise him and encourage him because I do see things see things in him that are commendable
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Well Sam this son who hasn't said boo to me in two years. Talk to me for 45 minutes and I wasn't gonna hang up and that's why
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I missed the session and how encouragement is
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Like adrenaline to the soul. It's like it's like Eye -brightening honey, that's what encouragement is.
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That's what affirming praise Well deserved is you see well -timed doses of it spur children on to maturity
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In helping them put away childish things in pursuing manhood and womanhood
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That's the very thing that we want don't we want to spur them on to being noble men and noble women
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We want them to reach toward Greatness, so when they dare to do something we should encourage them and spur them on in that daring So just practically speaking so when your son spontaneously
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Decides to wash the family van and then after he does it you never told him to do it but he he went out there inspired by himself and then you spy a
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Dirt stripe that he missed on the driver's side door panel It's probably not time to critically nitpick at the blemish streak
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But instead to resoundingly applaud the whole wash effort. You see what I'm saying? here in this because Beloved we want our children to daringly reach don't we and Common -sense teaches us that if we slap their hand every time they attempt they'll become gun -shy even to try
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Because dad is not going to be satisfied with my
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Attempt I can remember when I was back in my mid -teen years
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When I worked in the golf pro shop at an elite golf country club in Grand Rapids, Michigan Don Was the assistant pro at the country club
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Don stood about six foot five he was a huge man with an intimidating low voice and he could hit a golf ball a mile and I I found it kind of tough working for Don because when he was supervising us and the pro shop workers
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Don Drove us by a kind of a withering Criticism he'd bark out.
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Hey. Hey who strapped Mac and Ernie's clubs on the passenger side of the golf cart?
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Everybody knows Mac wants to drive Or else he would shout out
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Why are there still grass stains on Gillette's pitching wedge? We're supposed to shine them up really sparkly or then
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Don would shout out Hey who forgot to write down Hartman's bucket of range balls?
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Or or maybe he'd shout out outside the pro shop Hey, it's taking you way too long to find and pull down the players bags from the warehouse racks you see under assistant pro
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Don's critical gaze I admit I always felt tight and Unconfident and slow moving in fear of making a mistake that would cost me a verbal lashing from Don You know what?
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I mean that kind of personality But in contrast when Don was off playing a tournament somewhere or maybe just playing 18 holes out with a member on the course
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Tom instead of Don was in charge now Tom he was the caddy master and Tom drove us not by withering criticism but by eye brightening
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Encouragement here's the kind of thing that Tom would say hey How'd you get all those carts?
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bagged and Parked out there on the sidewalk so fast and I really like the way that you line them up there along the sidewalk
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Information kind of looks like f -16 fighter planes ready to fly off on a mission
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That's the way Tom would talk to us or maybe later Tom would say hey that was really slick the way that you regripped
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Sheridan's five iron or Possibly he would say I Think you plucked clean all those balls from the driving range in near record time
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You see under Tom's attaboys personally, I'll admit that I was always loose and confident and creative and motivated to work by the anticipation
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And praise for a job well done from Tom there's a world of difference isn't it being supervised by two such
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Individuals in the pro shop or two such dads in the home Just just ponder the implications of that even fast forward about oh many years later to 2015 2016
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I was on the golf course again with a friend of mine named Bruce. We're up north in Michigan We were probably in about the over the 12th hole and while golfing up there with Bruce He paused before climbing out of the cart
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And he just sent a brief text to his college -aged daughter on a faraway campus
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I said, what'd you text Bruce? He said I just told her I was thinking of her Told her
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I loved her. It's kind of like drip irrigation She thrives on my daily spoonfuls of encouragement
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Is that is that the way that we irrigate the souls of our children by?
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Eye -brightening encouragement it ought to be I really think it ought to be dads now again again I know I know our children do many dumb things per hour but so do
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I as a child of God and What if God dealt me with an austere attitude for all of the
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Sinful and foolish things that I do but instead our heavenly father
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He gives to me anyway hourly hugs and kisses in long -suffering
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Patience think of all the things today I was able to wake up today and I was able to I wasn't alone in our darkness
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I was able to hug my lovely wife and there was this wonderful breakfast with eggs and toast and Then I was able
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I did I went out onto the golf course and I hit 55 balls in a bucket today
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Did I deserve any of these things? Every one of these things were kisses from my heavenly father undeserved and we ought to be willing to kiss our children with encouragement as Fathers it's kind of like drip irrigation, isn't it?
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Isn't that the way our heavenly father deals with us? So so as fathers just consider how we need to be
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Encouragers because encouragement is adrenaline for the souls of our children. So that's that's father
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But secondly think of mothering now mothering you you mothers you have it tougher you really do because supervising the children 24 -7 can be like a
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Chinese water torture test for even the most patient of moms because Day from Sun up to Sun down.
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There's so much to correct. Isn't there and an Excellent wife in Proverbs 31.
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It says about her that she's a very task oriented woman Isn't she she wants she wants to get things done throughout her day
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She rises early Proverbs 31 says she prepares food. She makes clothes.
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She buys a field, right and and a woman carrying a
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Demanding daily to -do list does not easily suffer fools And you may have three four five six seven eight little foolish children but a crucial ingredient in The mother whose children rise up and call her blessed
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Proverbs 31 28 Is that and 31 26 says it listens as this the teaching of kindness is on her tongue
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Yeah, you're a mom and you're task oriented. You accomplish great things, but an important ingredient in being a godly mother is kindness
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Kindness comes like honey off of your tongue So what I'm saying here is what
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I said to the men I'll say to the moms to you have it even tougher to resist chronic fault finding seek out and hunt for things to praise and then
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Splash them throughout the day Not so much with frowns and scowls.
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That could be your default sitting. I don't know what your tendency is but more so splash them with smiles and Winks, you know body language is huge says that only sometimes 7 % of our communication comes from our words and 93 % comes from our body language
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What about our facial expression and the shrugging of our shoulders and the reaching out of our arms? Consider how important it is to give
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Encouragement so maybe at the end of a peculiarly good day dunk the little guy with a
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Big commendation like you've been a really good boy today, and it makes my heart sing when you act so wisely
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I know Jesus was pleased go ahead kiss him on the forehead turn out the lights and leave him with a
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Simple resolution to try his best tomorrow and have a sense of satisfaction that mom was pleased with me
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Today it is right for us to seek the pleasure in the smile of our Heavenly Father by our living and for that to be
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Mapped out by the way that we deal with our earthly parents So moms you have it tough, but may it be that the teaching of kindness would be on your lips
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Just think of how you have to deal with sons. I mean sons daughters sons. They require a certain unique kind of a treatment you see men both young and old little boys and and and men
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We thrive on being recognized as as courageous and brave and valiant when when boys become men
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We we want to be respected as it says let the wife see to it that the that she respect her husband
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And so even a little boy. There's a woman in His life, and that's the mom and there's that sense in which he wants a sense of respect
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From the mom in the sense that mom looks at him as being somewhat Noble, and so it's important for a son to hear notes and tones
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From his mother that communicate in some sense in a small sense because he's just a small guy
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Hey, you're my hero Instead of hey, you're just such a wimp
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Because can't moms communicate the latter sometimes and not necessarily the former
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To think about King David King David was The authority over a number of men we we read about this in 2nd
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Samuel 23 as we discussed David's fighting men and how 37 names the names of David's fighting men are
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Mentioned as they are lionized by their great feats David Publishes their names and their deeds there in that chapter
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Knowing that such recognition would inspire his men to even greater feats of valor in fact
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David was careful even to heap commendation not only on Spectacular exploits like what
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Benaiah did he went into a? snowy pit to Slay a lion that was a great thing that Benaiah did
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But he also talked about the more mundane things like the group of men who guarded the baggage behind the battle lines while others went to Fight in the fray you see in doing so for the great and for the not -so -great
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David lionized his men and so mothers kind of following the pattern of David you ought to seek to lionize your sons by dignifying them with your
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Respect by when they do things worthy of respect Commend them for it could commend your sons for doing maybe hard things like Getting the mail out in the blizzard in Michigan that can be daunting at times especially when the driveway is a hundred yards long and mailboxes across the road or shoveling deep or heavy snow or Emptying the mousetrap one of our sons our our youngest son there was out in front of our house
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I often go out running in the morning and I run in the morning in the summer like July there was listen to me literally a dead skunk in the middle of the road and It was
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And I thought well I can go and I can get the shelf of myself, and I can do it and then drag it
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And then but no no my my youngest son was about eight years old
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And this is a task for manhood, so I said hey Nate We got something really important here
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There's a there's a dead skunk out in the middle of the road, and you're the man for it And so I I told him to do it, and he got that shit
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I want you to go dig a hole over there in the cornfield, and I want you to bury it Well he went out, and I saw
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I went out there And he he smelled it, and he he looked at you know back at the house like what his dad told me to do
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And then he pulled his t -shirt up above his nose. It was like pre pre mask
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Trying to avoid the smell and he dragged it, and he actually ended up vomiting in the ditch And then he went
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He came back, and I think he was kind of flustered, but I said hey
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Job well done. I'm proud of you, man And you could tell that it was a very
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Uncomfortable thing to hit for him to do But he did it and he triumphed over it, and he was commended for a job.
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Well done and so I think it's important for us to when they
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When they walk into the teeth of a frigid wind when they stained the deck on a sweltering hot summer afternoon
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Cloak your son mom with a big jacket of respect in his childhood. Don't you do that moms you you you bought
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You have a son you buy a jacket. It's over It's it's way bigger than then he needs right now because you know he's gonna grow into it
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Well give him a big jacket of respect in his childhood And he'll seek to grow into it in his manhood teach him how to deserve and receive and handle
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Respect and beware mom of lavishing praise apart from genuine accomplishment.
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Don't don't detach commendation from true achievement because otherwise they'll learn just to disregard your praising as Patronizing and say oh, that's just mom.
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She always tells me the great job. I didn't do anything really worthy of praise so The Goldilocks zone not too hot not too cold with your praise so that that's the way
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It's important to give encouragement to sons, but also to daughters mom Daughters require kind of a special treatment over the years
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I have four sons, and I've coached all of their teams. I think I probably coach 50 teams of my sons they might have
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Why was dad always my coach? Well this happened that way, but then Diane said to me
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Hey, what about coaching Abby's team maybe soccer team, and I discovered that with with guys and coaching them
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I would have to give typically four attaboys For one hey you blew it and that was about the right kind of formula between boys way to go
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But for girls it's more I discovered more eight to one because they they are more of a tender
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Vessel aren't they they're more delicate Well like eight out of boys or eight out of girls to one not so good, honey
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Not so good, and so that's I think what you need to consider regarding dealing with daughters in fact one woman
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Writes this a very skilled writer and mother she says this The first things mothers must remember in raising young women is to be kind Again Proverbs 31 26 the law of kindness is on her lips a
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Critical spirit is a destructive thing and mothers not be too hard on their girls Mothers are naturally prone to be easier on the guys
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You know it takes one to know one right But but this should not be mothers must not attribute motives to their daughters not take offense nor Lose patience not take things personally as they're raising their daughters rather mother should put on tender mercies
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Daughters primarily need love and security. This is why a critical spirit can be so destructive remember
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We want our children to have fat prospering fools criticism and impatience
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Destroy rather than build up and Nancy Wilson her rights goes on and just finishes this
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Daughters need to feel important to be loved accepted needed wanted and Appreciated and mothers must be diligent to praise their daughters.
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That's Nancy Wilson writing that Like Sam Crabtree he gives this a story of his own family his own 11 year old daughter
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You see he and his wife felt like they were losing her like almost overnight
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She thought her parents brains were sucked empty of anything valuable to say ever have that season in the life of a child and the silence and Alienation momentum was bad and it forecasted an even worse teenage era so Sam Crabtree Began a careful study of his daughter trying to rescue her listen to what he writes about what happened
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She says that as I entered her bedroom that day Which was really a mess
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He said I noticed that she had arranged the items on the top of her dresser in Such a way that the taller things were in the back row and the shorter things were
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Stair -stepped toward the front so that you could see Everything and I exclaimed I like I like what you've done here.
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You're methodical. This makes complete sense very orderly very Systematized I see the character of God in this and with that I just walked out ignoring the rest of the tsunami in her room
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And only a few minutes later. I Happened to walk past the kitchen when she was now hugging her mom, which they hadn't seen for weeks
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And I I made then encouraging her and affirming her my responsibility
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I kept up the barrage of affirmation and in a matter of days we had our daughter back and to this very day the channels of communication are open and Sweet, and it was brought about by the the honey like That wasn't corrosive what it was
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I brightening and Encouraging so we're talking about encouragement in parenting. We've seen it in fathering in mothering
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But I see there are some who may be Grandparents, so let's talk just about Grandparenting before we go home encouragement in grandparenting
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George McDiarmid, he is a football coach kind of a
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Personality he's the kind of a man who? Became a very gifted pastor in upstate
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New York and a model father his only son
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Greg Benefited wonderfully from his dad's coach like spurring him on to more and more excellent levels of Manhood you see
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Greg who played defensive free safety for his high school football team tells of the night that oh
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It's okay, honey. It's okay Just tell about Greg here
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Greg played defensive free safety for his high school football team Tells of the night when he didn't play so well in a big conference rivalry game.
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He says Afterwards dad read me the riot act. He reminded me of a
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Day when the opposing tailback slipped by me for a touchdown and my dad scolded man
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Greg at least you could have shaken his hand when he blew by ya
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And then years later Greg moved from New York down to Louisville and He had a son of his own named
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Ian and when Ian was about three years old Grandpa George McDiarmid visited down in Kentucky for a week and listen to this every day
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George grandpa took Ian for a ride to a nearby ice cream shop for a cone
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Just just just the two of them and at the week's end Greg in total disbelief teases that he said dad
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This is unbelievable I could count on one hand The times you took me out for ice cream all the years of my childhood and now here here you've exceeded that with Ian in a single week and George calculatingly and perceptively responded
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Yes, Greg That's because Greg I am NOT Ian's father.
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I am Ian's grandfather Now now what
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George meant was that the role of grandparent Greatly differs from the role of parent.
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I Think that's true. I really do cuz I'm a grandparent. No, I've got it Didn't immediately get it, but I've got it now
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A grand parent parents are peculiarly assigned by God to be the important chief heavies the
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Discipliners the Punishers the correctors the rebukers in the lives of their children So if there are any children here
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Thinking hey, why does my dad? reproved me and Scold me sometimes and discipline me.
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He's doing it because he's being a biblical dad and don't think hey pastor See talks about encouragement.
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So my dad ought to always be encouraging. No, no, no, that's not what the scriptures say That's not the whole story because dads are to be the heavies
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Like I said honor your father be moved by his words Even his words rebuke think of a passage like Proverbs 13 24
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He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. That's what a good dad
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Does or Proverbs 27 15 correct your son and he will give you rest
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Yes, he will delight your soul or Proverbs 19 18 Chasing your son while there is hope and do not set your heart on his destruction.
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You see dads must be the discipliners Or even think what it says in Hebrews 12 7 if you endured chastening
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God deals with you as sons for what son is there whom a father does not? Chasten if you're not chasing you're not a true son
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So it's good Spencer that with your sons that you rebuke them Don't you go soft on me be a mighty man of God the whole counsel of God not just mr
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Honey with encouragement, but that needs to be an important part of it But though dads are the heavies and parents are the chief rebukers
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Look at the book of Proverbs my son, my son, my son, my son, my son grandparents
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Roger Not so much Not so much Grandfathers grandparents are not the chief heavies like nature and scripture teaches that grandparents are more assigned to be gracious and blessing benefactors then stern and Disciplining rebukers think with me of Jacob way
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Jacob here appears as a grandpa Remember when he met Ephraim and Manasseh down in Egypt Joseph's children.
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It says in Proverbs 48 8 then Jacob saw Joseph's sons and said who are these and Joseph said to his father
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Jacob. They are my sons whom God has given me in this place and Jacob said please bring them to me and I will
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What's the word? I'll bless them. I will bless Them in fact, there's a friend of mine who's a grandpa and his little granddaughter is at his house and when the granddaughter is going to sleep at night and Papa's downstairs.
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She shouts out hunters. Papa. Come and bless me Come and bless me Papa that that's that's very biblical in her perspective
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In fact, even think what it says in Proverbs 13 22. It says a good man leaves an inheritance that's like blessing an inheritance for his children's
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Children his grandchildren. There's that there's that blessing element of a grandpa of a grandma to grandchildren and this is an important concept because listen as we age isn't it true you who have gray hairs like I have as we age we can instinctively become chronically cranky can't we and Constantly correcting critics both of our grandchildren and even sometimes of our not so measuring up in our eye their parents and We can try to take up the rod of authority into our own hands.
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Let me pause here I understand because of the curse sometimes divorce takes place and there are some grandparents who are
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Because maybe a dad or a mom and when I got that I got that and there are times when shirt certainly we need to be correctors as grandparents
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Ourselves, but the point is that is not the standard fare of the way that we deal with our
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Grandchildren because listen to me. I have seen the tragic fallout of abrasively confronting grandparents burning bridges forever
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With their not flying right grandchildren and instead of habitually serving up the
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Refreshing talk with an ice cream cone. They try to frequently force down bitter asparagus with a scolding reprimand
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Constantly take this asparagus take this asparagus And I'm not saying it's never appropriate for us to expect even boy about Twelve days ago of our little granddaughter was over at her house, and I told her to do something she said no
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I Said well, let's sit down and talk about this So there is certainly a time for but we need to ponder the kind of a diet that we set before our little ones ice cream primarily or asparagus sweet or Bitter like my wife is a great example to me as I have transitioned from father to grandfather
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I remember years ago when our three -year -old grandson Richard was Spending the day at our house, and he was
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Inconsolably crying I was still new at being a grandparent. He was inconsolably crying for No reason in sight and my instincts were to in a fatherly way bark out.
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Hey Richard. We don't do that here but but Diane Enfleshed the
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Christlike trait of a bruised reed he will not break in a smoking flax
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He will not snuff out Matthew 12 20 and she got down on her knees. She looked at him.
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I said hey Richard Talk to granny. What's the matter? What's the matter? You can tell me and it turns out that he was really really really hungry and Just a cup of yogurt
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Transformed an emotional wreck into just an adorable delight Again remember someone or three.
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He knows how we are Formed he knows that we are but dust as a father as compassion on his children.
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There's that that dimension there, so During one extended family dinner on a
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Sunday afternoon Richard again He was in a less than stellar and uncooperative mood and and our son
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Austin Richards dad calmly snatched him up from the table and Conducted a parental discipline session in a remote bedroom and the result was another wonderful Transformation and then on the
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Monday morning Diane reminisced with me at the same table Hey, Austin did a great job at the table with Richard yesterday.
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He did all the right things Immediately, I took out my phone and I texted. Hey mom said that you were the man yesterday and wisely handling
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Richard and I know that was encouraging adrenaline to Austin at that time and then
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I'm even reminded of of Austin's comments as The extended family sat in a room full of people
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Reminiscing together. Remember I said my dad died in 2001 Austin was 13.
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He's 33 years old now He was 13 years old back then and the whole family was was just reminiscing together at the end of the funeral
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Meal together there and everybody's telling stories laughing to tears my dad was just such a wonderful colorful
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Personality we're just so thankful for our dad and then Austin It was 13 year old Austin who had the last word and they're not a tear run down his cheek and Austin said
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Yeah Papa was always there And that just summed it up because Austin was a kid who was born with spina bifida
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And we didn't know if he'd ever get out of a wheelchair We did and I eventually got a black belt in Taekwondo But he was never the fastest runner that we had probably the slowest of my dad's grandsons
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But my dad just took him under his wing. He'd take him out to golf together
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He just won't hit one -on -one with Papa and Austin and yeah, he'd take Austin to get an ice cream cone
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Papa was there for it. Papa was always there and so Papa had that relationship with Austin and Papa having had those ice cream.
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I know my dad No doubt. He would say to Austin. Hey, I'll step into my office, which But it was that grandfatherly like relationship that was
01:00:13
I brightening that was so Helpful and building the character of my son and Austin just nailed it when he said
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Papa was always there let's try as grandparents to be there and to give words of Encouragement.
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In fact, even Diane has a mom. Her name is Helga and Helga has this way of she'll make this you might
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Vicki You know make rhubarb pie, which is kind of bitter But you could make it in such a way that she put put sugar in it and the ice cream a la mode
01:00:47
And man, the rhubarb though was bitter was really easy to go down Well, Helga's like that Helga can say some sharp things
01:00:54
But she's had a way to serve it up with ice cream sweetness and that's the way we ought to be as Grandparents, so here's what
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I'm saying about fathering and mothering and Grandpaging giving
01:01:10
Encouragement is a shot of adrenaline. It's eyebrows Shouldn't only be used as an occasional exotic
01:01:19
Delicacy but Encouragement should be a part of the daily family diet because it brings a healthy pulse to the whole family
01:01:29
And just in conclusion you you think of this we've talked much about encouragement and the in the scriptures
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But I would just say to you if you if you find yourself to remember Dobson Was off in the far country because he defied his dad
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I'm just telling you if you're off in the far country and you know that it's not right between yourself and your heavenly father
01:01:50
I'm telling you come on home Come on home and you know in the parable the prodigal son how the father's watching in the distance and You may be trembling because you have sinned against him, but he sees you coming home
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He'll spy you he'll run after you. He'll hang on you He will kiss you and he's already done better than killed the fatted calf for you
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He gave his only son he spared him not for you. All I'm saying is tonight Come on home to your heavenly father, and it'll be well with your soul.
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That is the ultimate Adrenaline for the soul to made right with God.
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Let's close together with a word of prayer our father.
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We thank you that Your Word is God breathed
01:02:48
Living active sharp as a double -edged sword making the man of God adequate for every good work So we pray that you would help us to be good
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Husbands and wives and dads and moms and grandparents.
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We pray it in Jesus name. Amen Thank you,
01:03:11
Mark appreciated these messages of encouragement to encourage To encourage us and to be encouragers of others
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So pray for Mark and Diane they're leaving right? Well after they leave here
01:03:25
They're going right home all the way to Holland, Michigan tonight So pray for a safe journey for them and again, we have been
01:03:34
Mentioning receiving a love offering for them if you were wanting to give tonight to them just put your gift in that offering box on the foyer table and That will go automatically to them want to close with this song we sang the other night 541 and It's the song
01:03:55
Lord speak to me that I may speak we get encouragement from the
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Lord We hear from the Lord and how does he speak to us?
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And he says speak to me that I may speak in living echoes of your tone
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Let's stand and sing that as we close shall we? Lord speak to me that I may speak in living echoes of thy tone as Thou hast sought
01:04:39
Let me seek Binary children lost and alone and the last no use me
01:04:52
Me just as thou wilt and when and where until my
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Blessed face. I see thy rest thy joy thy glory
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Father you've encouraged us this week with your word and with words of encouragement.
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I pray that now that we have heard from you and and you have spoken to us in wonderful tones
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May we also speak in such tones? words of encouragement to those around us
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Be our children our grandchildren our spouses Even to those that we meet in the store in the neighborhood
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In the community at work Would help us to be encouragers. We pray in Jesus name.