Jeff Durbin || Love One Another

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If you want to open your Bibles to Gospel according to John, chapter 13.

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John, chapter 13, sort of a grounding verse for this message.

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John 13, starting at verse 34. John 13, 34.

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Hear now the word of the living and the true God. A new commandment

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I give to you, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.

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You also are to love one another. By this, all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

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Thus far is the reading of God's holy and inspired word. Let's pray as God's people. Lord Jesus, you are our

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God, our Savior. We trust in you. You've pursued us.

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You came to seek and save that which was lost. You came to do the

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Father's will, that you should lose nothing of all that the Father has given to you. You love sinners.

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You pursue us. You forgive us for the inexcusable. You demonstrate the death of your love, your covenant faithfulness in saving sinners like us.

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So Lord, as your people, as we gather together to worship you and to be under the hearing of your word, we pray that you'd move by your spirit and through your word to renew our minds, to transform us, to make us,

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Lord Jesus, more like you. Help us to love like you. Help us to forgive like you.

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We pray today, God, especially, that you'd get the pastor out of the way, that people would remember you and your word, and forget me.

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We pray that you'd bless the proclamation of your word today, that it would be truly by your spirit and not the words of a mere man.

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In Jesus' name, amen. So, I think I've said this to you before, there's a famous Puritan giant,

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John Owen. John Owen's a giant of the faith. He has blessed my life in tremendous ways from the grave.

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And John Owen, with his massive intellect, I mean, he's honestly hard to read sometimes, but if you can just take a page of Owen on any topic, and spend about six weeks on the one page, digesting, it'll change you and bless your life in tremendous ways.

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There was this really humble and honest moment with Owen, where he admitted that for many years as a pastor, as a preacher, he would be terrified all day on the

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Lord's Day. Terrified. Scared to walk up that stage, or the stairs to the pulpit.

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Terrified to do it because he knew that what he was preaching on was something that he had not been fully sanctified in.

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And he said that the enemy, the devil, would always choose Sunday to attack him, and to overwhelm him with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, to accuse him.

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And he finally was able to overcome it. And I think he said, if I remember correctly, after about two decades, he was finally able to overcome it by finally saying to the enemy, this is the truth, these are the words of God.

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Whether or not I do it perfectly, or I've been fully sanctified is irrelevant as to its truth, and it's irrelevant as to its need to be proclaimed to the people of God.

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This is truly one of those messages. Loving one another, forgiving one another, putting away all bitterness away from us, is something that all of us truly need to be sanctified in, always.

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Because there will always be a point in our lives where we're going to be wounded. Someone's going to stand against us.

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Someone's truly going to harm us. And so what Christ tells us here about loving one another, he loves us.

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It's something we need to, I think, take as an essential core part of who we are as Christians.

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And you ought to know that if you've been doing a series called Wisdom for Our Fathers, the Book of Proverbs, it's just quickly to highlight something that has everything to do with today's message, in loving one another, forgiving one another.

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One of the things I emphasize is Scripture makes a difference, or a distinction between knowledge, knowledge of God, knowledge, truths, doctrine.

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Important things, of course, but there's knowledge of God, in terms of what does God say about himself, what does he say about the world, what does he say about his

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Word, what does he say about me, what does he say about the future. There's knowledge. And then there's a distinction in Scripture of wisdom.

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Wisdom is not the same as knowledge. It encompasses knowing things. But it's how do I actually skillfully apply divine knowledge, divine truth.

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How do I live it out? What's the practice? How does it look in my life? There's a difference between knowledge and wisdom.

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And one of the things I've been emphasizing as a brother and pastor is that as Christians we need to stop being knowledgeable fools, knowing so many things.

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And in particular, you know I've taken aim at our own group, we need to call out sin, failings, wherever they are in the

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Reformed community. Reformed theology is rigorous, it's intense. We want to make sure that we're defining things properly, that we're using the

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Word of God, that we use precision, because it's important what we do. I'm not faulting us for that. That's exactly what we ought to do.

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Paul shows that kind of commitment in Galatians, with the Galatian heretics, the Judaizers, where the heretics have been just one element off.

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I mean, they would have confessed all things about Jesus. Yeah, He's Moshiach, He's Messiah, He's Divine, He's Incarnate, all that, then

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He died and rose again. But there's this point that they were off that denied the Gospel itself.

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And so it's that precision by Paul in Galatians 5, and he says that you've become separate from Christ.

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Whosoever you attempt to be justified by the law, you've fallen from grace. And what was it?

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It was just this little imprecision of what we believe that you are circumcised.

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And Paul says, all right, go for it. You believe that you are circumcised. You want to go without a law of obedience.

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You want to go without. You've abandoned Christ. You've abandoned the Gospel. It's not according to works.

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It's by grace. It's through faith. This little imprecision, Paul says, denies the Gospel.

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You've abandoned grace. And so is it important for us? Is it important for us as God's people to be precise, to use the

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Word of God, to know what we believe and why we believe it, and to be able to articulate it? Absolutely. But one of the great failings you see in the

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Reformed community, and it's sort of been germane as long as I've been someone who says, yeah, I'm Reformed, is that we oftentimes know a lot of things.

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We can articulate the Trinity and justification by faith and Scripture as the ultimate source of knowledge and truth and sola scriptura and all of that.

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We can do all that. We can talk about paedo -baptism, covenant theology, all that stuff.

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But honestly, sometimes you see the Reformed can be the most ungracious, mean -spirited, argumentative, unloving, and unkind people.

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And what's amazing is that Jesus doesn't say here in this text, people are going to know you by your ability to articulate the truth.

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People are going to know you by how you dress. People are going to know you by how you have your life together, and it looks nice on the outside.

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Jesus says they're going to know that you are my disciples based upon your love for one another.

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That'll be the identifier for the world. That's how they're going to see that you have made contact with me, that you're in a relationship with me.

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Love each other the way I've loved you. And that's how everybody's going to know that you're mine, that you belong to me, that you know me.

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It's our love for one another, and that core issue is something I think we need to, all of us, examine our hearts and our minds, our thoughts, the bitterness, the lack of forgiveness.

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We need to confess sin because this is what God cares about, oftentimes more than the other things.

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An example I think would be important here. That our doctrine, our ability to articulate essential

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Christian doctrine is worthless without love, mercy, and forgiveness.

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It's worthless. And I wanted to show you an example of that in terms of our doctrine and outward appearance, not impressing

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God, not deceiving God. If you would, go to Matthew 23. Matthew 23, just before the great tribulation passage in the

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Olivet Discourse. This is the section where Jesus has now come into direct conflict with the religious leaders of Jerusalem.

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And this is the, of course, section where Jesus gives the seven woes. And what he says here,

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I think, is important for us to consider as God's people when we think about how we look like we have it all together, how we work on this

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Christian facade and we have all the right doctrine and truth and we're being all precise about all these different things.

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In Matthew 23, verse 16, the Lord Jesus says,

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Woe to you, blind guides, who say, If anyone swears by the temple, it's nothing. But if anyone swears by the gold of the temple, he's bound by his oath.

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You blind fools, for which is greater, the gold of the temple that has made the gold sacred and you say, if anyone swears by the altar, it is nothing.

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But if anyone swears by the gift that is on the altar, he's bound by his oath. You blind men, for which is greater, the gift or the altar that makes the gift sacred.

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So whoever swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. And whoever swears by the temple swears by it and by him who dwells in it.

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And whoever swears by heaven swears by the throne of God and by him who sits upon it.

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Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you tithe mint and dill and cumin and have neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice and mercy and faithfulness.

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These you ought to have done without neglecting the others, you blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel.

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Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self -indulgence, you blind

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Pharisee. First clean the inside of the cup and the plate that the outside also may be clean. Wow, that's devastating.

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That's devastating, because here you have people, the Pharisees, we see them oftentimes today as the bad guys, you know, post -Resurrection and Ascension, you've got the

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Bible now, you see the Pharisees oftentimes are the bad guys, they're the ones you actually accuse. But try to remember that in Jesus' day the

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Pharisees are the conservative school, they believe in the Word of God. These are the ones that look like they have it all together.

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They look right, they sound right, they act right. If you were to walk into a room of Pharisees, they look like the believers, and they've got it all together.

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Everything is ordered, the dress is just right, they're listening to all the right things, they're saying all the right things, and Jesus goes right for them and says, woe to you.

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Now those words from Jesus are words you never want to hear about yourself. Woe is a way of pronouncing a divine curse, condemnation.

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And so here is Jesus, the Lord of glory, God incarnate, saying to the most respected religious leaders of His day who looked like they had it all together,

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He says, a curse on you, condemnation on you. And what does He do?

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He talks about all of their life of precision and all these ways they look holy and sound holy and all the ways that they twist

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God's law. And ultimately He says, you forgot the most important points of God's law.

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The weightier matters. The weightier matters of God's law. What does He say?

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Justice and mercy and faithfulness. You ought to have done these things without neglecting the others.

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Yes, obey God's law, but this is the weightier stuff of God's law. Here's God telling us, this is what matters to me the most.

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Here's what matters to God the most. Justice and mercy and faithfulness.

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Justice and mercy and faithfulness. And then Jesus goes to the people who look like they're so Christian.

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On the outside, you've got all the right garb, the clothing. You look like you've got it all together.

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And Jesus says, not deceived by that and not impressed by it, clean the inside of the cup.

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Clean the inside. You're not impressing God. I'm not impressing God by my outward appearance.

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God looks to the matter of the heart. He looks on the inside. That's where God's gaze is in your life and mine, not in what you try to portray outside to the world or inside this church body.

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Your clothing isn't impressing God. Your haircut's not impressing God. All the ways you order your life to look super Christian on the outside does not impress

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God. Never will. He looks to the inside. He says, clean the inside.

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What is our faith, our marriage, our church, without the love of God given to us through Christ?

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What is our faith worth if we don't love and forgive one another like our

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Savior does us? Let's be honest. Ready? Let's be honest. We said we were talking about the essentials, the core doctrine.

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We were saying Christianity 101, right? The vital stuff. Christians in history have had disagreements, we've said, and we still do.

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We have adiaphora, side issues. We should vigorously debate but not divide over those things.

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We've got core issues, essential issues. Let's be honest. This is Christianity 101.

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This is it. You want to know the heartbeat of it all? Love one another.

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That's how the world's going to know you belong to Jesus and that you've met him, that you know him, that you walk with him.

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This is the most fundamental. Our doctrine identifies us without question.

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Our doctrine identifies us. It should. We're not maneuvering away from that, yes. However, it is our life and practice that shows whether we truly know him at all.

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It shows whether we've experienced his love, his mercy, his forgiveness. You see, the way that it works in scripture is we've been loved by him, so we are to love and forgive like him.

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And this is tough because we're in our core doctrine series and I hear we are talking about loving one another.

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That's right. Because, brothers and sisters, it doesn't matter how well you articulate the trinity, you can talk about justification by faith, you can defend covenant theology, that epic last two weeks we had as a gift through Eric and what

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God gave to us there in the scriptures and how coherent it is and consistent. All that stuff is important, yes.

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Yes. But life and the body, we will not walk together with peace and love and joy if we do not get this core thing right in our hearts and minds.

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We are to love one another. And it's tough because let me just give you, let me open the eyes, peel our eyes back for a second, okay?

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It is an amazing thing to be in the body of Christ. I think it was Tozer that said, and I've never forgot it, he said,

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Christians are not perfect people, but Christians are the best people in the world. Being a pastor for many, many years,

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I know what he was getting at. Christians are not perfect people, but they are the best people in the world. Being in the body of Christ is an amazing thing.

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It truly is. It truly is. Just the last six months of this body, how you guys have cared for others' needs through your giving.

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People have a place to live. They have food on their table. We've cared for our body. We've rescued people from tremendous trouble.

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It is an amazing experience being in the church. It truly is. But it also hurts.

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It also hurts. And so peeling back the eyelids is to be honest with something. God saves sinners. Amen? And when he puts those sinners together, they tend to do something.

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Sin. And sometimes they sin greatly against each other. Sometimes the wounds are big, gaping, holes.

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We have to tend to and we have to care for. And life in the family, in our marriage, and the body means, as Christians, you will be hurt.

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And here's an extension to it. You will be hurt in this body.

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You will. Because God is sanctifying us. People are going to sin against one another. We're going to wound one another.

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There's going to be gossip, moments of slander, moments of church discipline. There's going to be accusations and confrontation.

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There'll be moments of collapse and failure. Yes, you're going to be hurt. But you are also, because you're a sinner who's being sanctified, you will also hurt others.

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You can rest assured. You can be sure of it. And if you're saying right now in your heart, never me.

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You need to humble yourself. You don't know yourself well enough. We're all going to hurt one another.

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We're all going to fail. So we have to ask this question in the body, in our marriages, in our families, in our relationships to one another.

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How has Jesus loved me? How has he loved me?

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How does he love his church? There's a number. We could do this all day. We could just start articulating all the ways that God has loved us in the person of Jesus Christ.

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We could talk about how he serves us. We could talk about his truth, that he tells his people the truth.

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He will not lie to us. We could talk about how Jesus has sacrificed for his people.

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We could talk about how he pursues his people. He pursues sinners. He chases sinners down.

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And we could talk about how he forgives us. The Lord loves us in many ways. And I think we're to love one another in all those ways.

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Jesus is the perfect humanity. Jesus is the perfect image of God. It's what

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God is conforming us to. So all the ways. You can cut your cake a different way if you like. All the ways you want to highlight that Jesus loves his people, we are to love in all those ways.

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But today, I want to cut the cake a certain way in terms of facing down this issue of loving one another as Christ has loved us.

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And I want to do it in terms of us living together in the body. And so to do it, let's go to Ephesians chapter 4 to highlight how this is given by the inspiration of God through the

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Apostle Paul to the church. Ephesians chapter 4, truly one of the most challenging sections of scripture in my own life personally.

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God has used this in my life in tremendous ways. Ephesians chapter 4, starting in verse 29, scripture says,

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Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.

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And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

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How do you like that? Eternal security. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

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Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

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It's a challenging section of scripture. That is an assault on all of our flesh, on all of what feels natural to us, because we've been hurt by somebody, because we've been wounded.

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To be told, Put away the bitterness. Put it away from you. Put away the wrath and the malice and the slander.

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Put it away from you. Be tenderhearted towards one another, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

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Because my natural inclination is to go the opposite direction. No. The wound is real.

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The pain is real. The sin was real. What do you mean I have to put away the bitterness and the wrath and the slander and the clamor?

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Put it all away from me? It feels absolutely natural and just for me to maintain my position that I have been hurt and to hold on to it.

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That's what we often do. And so this is an assault on what comes so naturally to all of us.

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But let's define it just briefly here. In terms of bitterness, the word there that's used for bitterness refers to a harshness or a resentful spirit.

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A resentful spirit. The word wrath can be identified as an outburst of passion, wrath, clamor, a shout, a cry, an outburst, slander, abusive, or scurrilous language, vilifying somebody, slandering them, vilifying them, turning them into a villain.

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Malice. The heartbeat of malice is ill intention towards another person. That maligning of them in your heart.

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There are some definitions for you. Again, we don't have two Sundays to do this but one so I'm going to go fast.

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But the text says what? It says put away bitterness. Stop. Who came to mind?

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Don't say it out loud. It'll make things bad here. Put away all bitterness.

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Who came to your minds? Who are you thinking about?

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Did it recall all the memories? Are you thinking about the wound? Are you thinking about the sin?

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I'm sure if you knew exactly who I asked about, it's been something you've thought about a lot.

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Maybe it's kept you up at night. Maybe you've woken up thinking about it. Maybe you were thinking about it today.

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The scripture says to put away all bitterness. Put it away from you. That resentful spirit, that resent, that harsh resentment of that person, that soul who wounded you.

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Put it away from you. So ask the question, are you bitter? Are you bitter?

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Where's it come from? A wound. Right? It's a wound.

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Real or imagined. Oftentimes we might be bitter towards somebody because what we think they have said or what we think they have done, we might actually be in the wrong and have been festered in resentment and bitterness for a long time over an imagined sin or an imagined slight.

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But truly, yes, bitterness, the resentful spirit, comes fundamentally from a wound.

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Whether it's real or it's imagined. So asking the question of whether I'm bitter.

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Am I bitter in my soul? Am I resentful? Do I have something I need to give to God and put away from me actually to release to God, to turn it away, to repent of it?

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Ask yourself these questions. Do you find yourself obsessing about the harm they caused you?

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Do you obsess about it? Do you constantly confess their sin to God?

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Do you constantly remind God of their great sin against you? Now, yes, there's such a thing as imprecatory prayers.

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No question. And God is the God of justice. And God, he says, let vengeance be mine. So, yes, give all that to God.

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But do you find yourself in bitterness actually constantly confessing this person's sin before God?

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Or others? Do you obsess about them? Do you find that you get excited or energized when that person's name comes up?

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And I don't mean excited or energized in a good way. I mean excited or energized at the opportunity to malign them in the conversation.

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You secretly look for opportunities to make sure that you can knock them down a few pegs in the tribe or the group that you're in.

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Find a way to make sure everyone feels about them the way God and I do.

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You find yourself making sure you have that opportunity to be excited or energized to take them down.

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You look for opportunities to vent about them. When you get the opportunity to vent about them to your husband, to your wife, to your kids, to your friends, to your small group, online, you find yourself looking for those opportunities and the venting feels honestly like so much relief.

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You feel good. Or are you bitter Do you secretly hope, be honest, do you secretly deep down before God hope for their demise?

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And I don't mean their repentance. I could pray and hope for a God. This person's living in complete sin like Lord destroy their life so that they turn to you.

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So they experience your grace and mercy. That's a Christian kind of prayer. That's a love kind of prayer. I'm not praying for your demise so that you go to hell.

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I'm praying that God would break your life so you'd come to repentance and come to peace with God and be healed.

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That's a good prayer. But a bitter kind of thought in prayer life is actually hoping for the demise of the person.

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I want them to be harmed for what they've done to me. When they're successful do you find yourself actually angry?

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Miffed? Miffed that something good happened to them? When you see them in person or on social media you're filled with terrible, terrible thoughts.

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Rest assured if any of these things are true you are bitter.

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You're bitter. But you might say you don't understand,

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Pastor Jeff. You don't understand. You don't know what they did to me. You do not know what they did to me.

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And brothers and sisters, I want to say please forgive me if you thought in any way that in saying to put away all bitterness you thought

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I was saying that what they did to you was insignificant and doesn't matter and you should just wave the hand at it.

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I'm not saying that at all. If you've been sinned against or victimized or violated by another person in any way

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God hates that sin more than you and He is the God of justice and He will answer it rightly better than you ever will.

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That's the truth. So I'm not diminishing the pain. I'm not diminishing the slight or the sin or the wound or the victimization.

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I'm not. I don't know what they did to you but here's what

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God says from His Word. Regardless of what they did to you put it away.

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Put it away from you. God says put it away from you. These are the words of God.

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My friend Douglas Wilson says when he was speaking on genuine forgiveness by the way so much of what

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I'm saying now you're going to be able to get in better ways than this from Douglas Wilson in his sermon on genuine forgiveness and letting all bitterness go.

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But Doug had something very insightful here. He said you can confess the sins of your opponent and your enemy all day long and be no closer to the promise of 1

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John 1 .9. If we confess our sins

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He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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That's where the promise is. For my joy, for my peace, for my forgiveness is confessing my sins to God.

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You can confess theirs all day long and you'll be no closer to that promise. And Doug also said and this was convicting and challenging he said nobody has sinned against you.

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Nobody. Nobody has sinned against you. It has never risen to the height of how much you've sinned against God.

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And that's the truth. Now we need to talk about this because right now if you're thinking rightly you should be thinking but Pastor Jeff I understand

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God commands me to put it away from me. Let all bitterness be put away from me. I understand that. But what do

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I do about this? The wound. That it was a true wound. That it was real sin. That I am a victim.

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Well Doug said and again it was insightful here the wound is not your fault.

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The wound is not your fault. It's their fault. And God does hold them responsible.

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So you're right. We're right. The wound is not your fault. It's their fault.

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It's his fault. It's her fault. To be sure it's their fault. However the bitterness is your fault.

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The bitterness is your doing. The bitterness is our doing. Why is that?

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And again this was very insightful for my friend. If you have a wound a deep gash a wound wide open in your arm wasn't your fault.

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Somebody did it to you. They cut you open. You're bleeding. It's painful. It hurts. Wasn't your fault.

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They are responsible. Right. They're responsible. They cut you. No question.

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However that wound becoming a festering wound and your arm falling off is actually your fault.

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Because if you walk around with that wound wide open and you don't tend to it and you don't close it up and you don't try to keep it clean and to wash it then three months later you walk into church and your arm falls off.

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How'd that happen? You might say well it was because they cut me. No they did. They cut you.

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But you were supposed to close the wounds clean it keep it let it heal.

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Yeah there'll be a scar there but it's closed up and it doesn't hurt anymore. What you're doing by the bitterness by the feeding it by the obsessing over the sin and the wound what you're doing is keeping it open so that one day your arm falls off.

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And when your arm falls off you can't blame the person for what they did to you because actually the bitterness was you.

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That's how I think we can identify the problem with a biblical way of thinking.

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Go to Hebrews chapter 12. This is a challenging one. Hebrews chapter 12. Hebrews 12 starting at verse 14.

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The text says Strive for peace with everyone and for the holiness without which no one will see the

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Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble and by it many become defiled.

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Let me read that again. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble and by it many become defiled.

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Roots. And now honestly I think because I'm not very good with like plants and agriculture and you know

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Durban means city dweller and that's kind of exactly what I am the city dweller.

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Tried to plant a garden in my backyard a couple of years ago. It was sad and it was embarrassing and I don't want to talk about it.

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Okay. And so I'm not very good at it. I read these things about Jesus and agriculture and seeds.

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I have to like go and learn that stuff because I don't know how it really works. I just go to the grocery store for my fruit.

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Right. And for my vegetables. I don't know how it works. But when I've thought about root I've thought about maybe like a weed root sort of a thing.

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But that's actually not what's going on here. Have you ever had like a nuisance tree growing on your property?

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Do you have one of those? Anybody? If you have property you got a nuisance tree. Well, I have one and it's been there for years and we just cannot get rid of this thing.

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We've cut it down as much as possible sliced it down to the bottom and it seems like this is a tree from Satan because if you cut the tree it grows like almost immediately.

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My father -in -law was here not more than two months ago and so he decided like to go and clean my yard because I'm not a real man and I don't know how to do that.

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So he goes back there and he tries to fix my yard up for me and he cuts down this nuisance tree and it's already back like it's laughing at me like it actually hates me.

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Pray for this tree that God would destroy it. But listen, the amazing thing about this tree is that the problem is you can't pull it up.

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And that's one of the things he realized as soon as he got to it was you cannot pull this thing up.

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It has been there for like 20 years and the roots of this tree have grown across the entire yard and they're actually going to the foundation of the house.

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I mean these things actually can destroy some of your foundation. They can start to move concrete. It already actually has moved some concrete that was near it because of the root system.

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And so when scripture tells us not to allow a root of bitterness to spring up it's speaking about that kind of root.

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You know it doesn't look like much on the surface. You can cut it down all the way down and almost nobody even notices that it's sitting there in the yard.

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But it's there. It's there because the root system has spread across the entire yard and it's being fed constantly.

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And so scripture says be at peace with everybody and don't let any root of bitterness spring up because that's what roots do.

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They climb across the yard and across the lawn and they're hidden there. Nobody else sees it but you know it's there.

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You do because you're obsessing. Because you're constantly accusing.

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Because you're constantly reminding God. You're going to the social media page and trying to find the person and find ways to get even more angry and more bitter toward this person.

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You see them interacting with others and you're filled with this secret hatred. You are feeding that root constantly and scripture says let no root of bitterness spring up.

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You have to deal with the roots that are in your life. They're there. You know they're there.

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God knows that they're there. And scripture says don't allow it. Put away the bitterness.

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Deal with that root system. Deal with it. Don't feed it. Don't obsess over the details.

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Don't have those conversations in your mind where you're playing out what would

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I say to them if they were in front of me. Those debates you've had with the person in your mind a hundred times.

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You're feeding the root system. Let no root of bitterness spring up which means brothers and sisters we have to deal with our hearts.

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Put away the bitterness. Don't let it spring up in your life. Because guess what? If you don't deal with it if you don't deal with that bitterness that root of bitterness it's coming.

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It's going to spring up and it's going to defile everybody around you.

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It will defile them. You may be hiding it for now. It's just a small little stump but eventually it grows because you're feeding it and then it will eventually defile everybody.

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It will defile them ultimately at reach group. It's going to defile them at the Christmas gathering.

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It's going to defile them on the podcast. Whatever the case may be it's going to come out. So you have to deal with it.

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Scripture says don't feed it. Don't nourish it. Now pause. I have to say this because oftentimes people hear something and they don't think in proper categories.

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Please hear me on this. Please. This is probably one of the most important parts of the message. It truly is.

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In saying all these things of putting away the bitterness and the anger and the clamor and the slander and the wrath forgiving one another don't let the root of bitterness spring up.

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That is not to say that you can't talk about offenses that have happened to you.

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It is not to say that you can't work towards peace with a person. Scripture talks about both things.

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The putting away the bitterness and the wrath and the slander and the clamor. Putting it all away from you. Forgive one another.

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Be tender hearted towards one another. Forgive one another as God and Christ has forgiven you. You are to live at peace with each other.

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But it also has this thing called Matthew 18. Church discipline. An ordered way to do church discipline where accusations are being brought privately first to a person and then you follow

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God's law and you bring witnesses because they won't repent and then you bring them before the church and then

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Jesus says if they won't listen to the church you put them out of the church. So clearly, yes, in this life without bitterness without clamor slander, wrath, being forgiven, tender hearted also entails that, yes, we can confront sin.

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Yes. If you've been assaulted by somebody call the cops. If you're being abused call the police.

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It's not to say that now that I'm not going to be a bitter person I'm just going to forgive that I'm just going to be walked on and be a victim the rest of my life and get abused.

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That is not a biblical worldview. Yes, we confront sin. Yes, we work towards reconciliation and peace.

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But the heartbeat behind it all is tender hearted. Being at peace with each other. Not having a root of bitterness.

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Putting away all bitterness from us. I mean scripture clearly has both things in mind. Jesus says, look, if you're at the altar to worship

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God and you remember there that you have something against your brother what does Jesus say to do?

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He says, leave your gift at the altar first go be reconciled to your brother and then come back.

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And then worship God. Then give him your gift. So scripture talks about both lanes.

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Being able to address sin. To reconcile. To have peace. To have your heart heard.

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Your mind heard. Your mouth heard. To put it all out there. To have peace. But it also says you cannot live with bitterness and clamor and anger and slander.

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Put it away from you. That's what scripture calls us to. And so Ephesians 4 again.

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Living together with our families, our husbands, wives, our children, our church.

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Ephesians 4 .32 Be kind to one another. Tender hearted.

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Forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.

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Now we could do a whole series of these a whole series on just this. But we can't today.

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We have to just go right for the heart. Forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.

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How does God forgive his people? How does he forgive us? What did

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Jesus tell us about forgiveness? You know the famous story. We're not going to read the whole passage now because everyone knows it.

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It's just threadbare now for everyone. Matthew 18 .21 Peter wants to know, right?

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Jesus, how many times do I got to put up with this guy? How many times do

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I got to forgive this person? I want to know what's the number, right? Give me the tally so I can make sure

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I mark it down that I honor you, that I'm pleasing to you, that I hate. Lord, I got to the number.

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Is it seven? Seven is a highly symbolic number in scripture. Obviously the days of creation, six days, and then a day of rest.

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So seven is the number of completeness in Jewish thought, right? A complete creation week. And so it's very symbolic.

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And so Peter picks a good number. He picks a good number. Do I forgive when they've sinned against me perfectly, completely, seven times?

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Now, if that was true, no marriage would last the first 24 hours.

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Right? Seven times? And what's Jesus' response in terms of, okay, let me tell you how to forgive.

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How do you forgive like God? Not seven times. Seventy times seven.

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To which people will go, thank you, it's 490. Got it.

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That's a lot of sin, but 490 should take us into maybe six months of marriage, right?

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But 490 times, actually this is funny, there's a page, what's the name of the page?

45:40

The Church Curmudgeon. Have you ever seen that page? It's a hilarious page. But he was talking about this particular passage about, you know, 70 times seven, seven times, and 490.

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And he said something like, and I was cracking up at it, he said, Deacon Dan has sinned against me 490 times, one more time, and that sucker is mine.

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That's not the point. Right? We know that. Jesus is telling us, this is how God forgives, and this is how you, sinners, creatures, are to forgive each other.

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Like this. 70 times seven. You keep on forgiving, this complete, lasting, perfect forgiveness, which is the best word to marriages, amen?

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Maybe just mine, you bunch of liars. Look at you pretending. 490, right?

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Just over and over and over again. It's not saying, and if people interpret it this way, you're just not listening.

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It's not saying that you just get abused. No. Sin can be confronted all the while having a spirit of tenderheartedness and forgiveness towards one another.

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Yes, you can confess sins. Yes, you can challenge one another. But the rule, according to Jesus, if you know him, and you love him, and you want to obey him, is that you forgive.

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When they come broken, you forgive, and you forgive like God. Forgiveness like Jesus is this ongoing forgiveness, and I want to point something out.

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I've always found this so refreshing to my soul. I don't exactly know why, but it's Peter.

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It's Peter who asked Jesus that question. How many times? Seven times? Jesus says, no, it's 70 times 7.

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Peter asked that question. And you can go read this later. You don't need to pull it up now, but in John 21, 4,

47:32

I love it. Peter is guilty of this egregious sin against Jesus.

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Egregious. He's not just hiding. He's denying that he even knows

47:44

Jesus. Like that's how, that's how much of a coward he is, and so focused on himself that he loves

47:53

Jesus with all of his heart. He does. Peter loved Jesus, and he failed so miserably.

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It's an epic, epic fail before the watching world. I don't even know

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Jesus. But after the resurrection and ascension of Jesus, here they are out now, fishing.

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Peter's not dressed up. He's working, and so he's in his fishing garb, which is almost nothing.

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And so they're fishing, and now Jesus is on the shore. They don't recognize who it is.

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Jesus tells them where to put the nets. They get an abundance of fish. And as soon as Peter, remember the one who said seven times?

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No. Ongoing. Complete. Over and over again. As soon as Peter realizes that it's his savior on the shore, he dives.

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He's not even with the rest of the crew to paddle their way back to come to see

48:55

Jesus. He dove in the water to get to Jesus as fast as he could.

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I love that Peter knew that Jesus is that way. He's that way.

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You can sin against him and violate his law in such an egregious way, and Peter knew, that's

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Jesus. I can go to him. That's how

49:29

God forgives. So I think you have to ask yourself the question, and I have to ask myself the question, does my wife view me like that?

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Does my husband view me like that? Does my family, my friends, my church view me like that?

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that all I have to do is rush towards them. And they want to forgive.

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They want peace. They actually want forgiveness. There's no malice. There's no bitterness.

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Peter knew he could come, and so he jumped. Now, I do want you to see this one just briefly.

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Go to Luke 18, Because this does speak to something essential in terms of real reconciliation and peace and the spirit of forgiveness.

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You know the scene. It's famous. We've talked about it many, many times. But we're talking about forgiving as God forgives us.

50:32

So here it is. Luke 18 verse 9. He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous.

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Stop there. Gather all that information from the text. Take it in. They trusted in themselves that they were righteous and treated others with contempt.

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Two men went up into the temple to pray. One a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. Pharisee, most respected, most rigorous.

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They have it all together. They're so obedient. They look right. They sound right. Lawkeepers, right?

51:11

These aren't the conservatives. They're the, sorry, these aren't the liberals. They're the conservatives. And over here, tax collector, scum, hated by society, worst of all.

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Highlight the worst to the best. That's Jesus point in the parable. The best and the worst. And Jesus says, this best one trusted in himself that he was righteous and treated others with contempt.

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The Pharisee standing by himself prayed, thus, God, I thank you.

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See, he's not, he's not denying the grace of God. I love that Jesus said that. The Pharisee is not just this strict sort of legalistic,

51:48

I don't need the grace of God sort of guy. Actually the Pharisee is giving God credit for making him the way that he is.

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God, you did this. This is a work of your hands. Right here.

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You did this, God. You get all the credit for this. He says, I thank you that I'm not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.

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I fast twice a week. I give tithes of all that I get. But the tax collector standing far off would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast saying,

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God, be merciful to me, a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other.

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For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted. How does God forgive?

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Like this. When he forgives, he forgives the inexcusable.

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When God forgives, he forgives the inexcusable. Think about the difference just briefly.

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I would love to do this whole text today, but think about the difference between the two in the story. He trusts in himself that he's righteous.

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He thinks he has it together. And what's he doing? He's comparing himself to others.

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Who should he have compared himself to? To God. The tax collector was.

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And it's amazing to me in the story, the Pharisee, the one who thinks he has it all together, who is not comparing himself to God, comparing himself to others.

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He thinks that he's got it together. He thinks that he's righteous. He feels confident enough to stand near the temple, and it says the tax collector's a ways off.

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And what's he doing? He will not even lift his eyes up to God.

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He doesn't feel worthy to look towards heaven. But what's he doing? He's beating his chest.

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In Jewish thought, in biblical thought, your heart is the seat of your emotions, your will.

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It's like the tax collector understands he's not worthy to even talk to God. He shouldn't even be looking up to God.

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And all he can say to God is, God be merciful to me, a sinner. And it's like he's trying to tear at the very place of his sin.

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And Jesus says it's a tax collector that went to his house right with God, declared righteous, rather than the other.

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The Pharisee goes to hell. And so the spirit behind forgiveness is just confessing to the inexcusable.

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And listen, being like God, forgiving like God, is forgiving the inexcusable.

54:35

Again, some powerful points from Doug when he was taught about genuine forgiveness. He said that typically this is how it works with us in our relationships, with our husbands and wives, with our kids, with our church body, with anybody who sins against us.

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We usually break things down in terms of forgiveness like this. Accidents, excuses, and the inexcusable.

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Accidents, excuses, and the inexcusable. I'll do this briefly because I think we basically understand this rather quickly.

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An accident is you're in the pew, smiling, ready for worship, and in comes somebody who tries to walk past you in the pew, knocks over your

55:14

Starbucks, and steps on your toe. And they say, oh, please forgive me, I'm sorry.

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Now what was that? It was an accident. It wasn't on purpose.

55:27

It was an accident. Maybe they were carrying like three kids, one on the neck, under here, right? They've got like something behind.

55:32

They just didn't see you as they knocked over your drink and stepped on your toe. And they say, I'm sorry, please forgive me.

55:38

And instantly we say, absolutely, it was an accident. It's fine. You're not at fault.

55:44

It's an accident. You didn't mean to do it. And the other kind is the one that we all sort of fit in the best in terms of our forgiveness.

55:56

And that's excuses. Again, when Doug was talking about genuine forgiveness,

56:01

I found this to be so insightful. We like to forgive one another, let's be honest, because of a good excuse.

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We're looking for the excuse. I'll forgive you, but I want a reason. I want a good reason as to why you sinned against me in this way.

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And so we're looking for a good enough excuse as to why you were sinned against in the way that you were.

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And so, you know, it'll work like this. A different way would be, okay, we are all watching it happen.

56:35

There's a conflict between two sisters in the church. Everyone knows it's sort of brewing under the surface. We know there's been stuff that's gone on between the two sisters.

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And so one of them is sitting down right there. She puts her drink down and you're watching the other lady look over at her sort of scowling.

56:49

And she sort of gets up, stretches her arms out and walks over and just boom, knocks the Starbucks over and rams her shoulder into her and then walks past her.

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You'd say, ah, that was no accident. It looks like you meant it, right?

57:05

And then a bunch of Christians come to that sister and they say, hey, that was sinful. That was wrong. You're to love one another as Christ loves us.

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Christ loves us and we can't behave that way. And then that sister feels guilty and she comes over to confess to the sister,

57:20

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. That was really sinful.

57:25

I was wrong. I was angry with you. I was bitter towards you. And so I did do that on purpose.

57:31

I kicked your cup over and I rammed my shoulder into you because honestly,

57:36

I kind of secretly hated you. I have been for about a week. And so please forgive me.

57:42

And then of course, the good sister sitting down that's now lost her Starbucks just goes, that's fine. That's fine.

57:47

I forgive you. Of course, I forgive you. 70 times 7, of course. But I just have one question.

57:55

Why? Why'd you do that to me today? Why? We're looking for the excuse, right?

58:02

And then the other sister says, well, the thing is this. Look, I've had a rough week. Our roof collapsed this week.

58:09

I've been dealing with no sleep. We adopted these two twins that don't let me sleep ever, ever.

58:17

And so I've gone without sleep. And matter of fact, I haven't eaten for like two days and I've just been so busy. And so, you know,

58:22

I just haven't been thinking straight. And so, you know, I was angry and it's just all these other things. And then the sister goes, okay, great.

58:28

That sounds like a good enough excuse. You're forgiven. I understand you haven't slept. You're kind of hangry, all of that.

58:35

And we say, that's a good enough excuse. So why do we do that? Because that's how we want people to treat us.

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We want them to accept our excuses. When we fail, when we sin against them, we'd like to have it on reserve that if I give you a good enough excuse, it'll be acceptable that, okay, we can forgive.

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But that's not how God forgives. That's not genuine forgiveness. That the excuse is good enough.

59:07

Consider this. Did the tax collector bring any excuse to God? No. It was the

59:15

Pharisee who had all the reasons that he was right with God. Trusting himself, he had it all together.

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Trusting himself, he's righteous. Comparing himself to others. He's got the list of reasons. The tax collector knows that if he's going to come to God and be forgiven, he can only be forgiven on the basis of God's undeserved mercy in his life.

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And so how does God forgive? Be tenderhearted. Forgive one another as God and Christ forgave you.

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That means we're going to have to be forgiving one another like God forgives us. Forgiving the inexcusable.

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That's genuine forgiveness. I'm wrong. I'm guilty. I meant it.

59:55

It was sin. Have mercy on me. Forgive me.

01:00:01

That's genuine forgiveness. It's not genuine if it's on the basis of excuses and comparisons.

01:00:09

Genuine forgiveness forgives the inexcusable. So, scripture says, be tenderhearted towards one another.

01:00:16

Forgive one another as God and Christ has forgiven you. Remember, brothers and sisters, God forgives you of a number of sins, incalculable number of sins, that will never ever raise to the height of the person who sinned against you.

01:00:37

It's an ongoing forgiveness. It's a once -for -all sacrifice that makes you perfect forever, and he forgives the inexcusable.

01:00:47

Now, this is where it gets sticky, and we're almost done here, for real. This is where it gets hard.

01:00:56

Because what if, what if I'm in a situation, you're in a situation, where that transaction can't happen?

01:01:07

Or the transaction hasn't happened yet? How do we have this forgiveness, no malice, no bitterness, putting it all away from me?

01:01:19

How do we have that if the transaction hasn't actually occurred? Well, scripture calls us to be in a place in our heart and mind before God, where we are a forgiving people, that we will forgive, that we will release the slave, that we will not be full of bitterness and malice and slander, that we will forgive as God and Christ has forgiven us.

01:01:46

That's what God calls us to. But we need to think about forgiveness that hasn't actually occurred yet in terms of the transaction, like recently happened to me.

01:01:58

I was at a restaurant, and you know, I got the bill,

01:02:04

I got the ticket, and I filled everything out, and I signed, and I made the commitment with the card, and you know the story, we do it all the time.

01:02:12

So, I've got the bill, this is my responsibility, I've signed it, and I've put the tip, and I put it back in.

01:02:19

Well, I got a call this week from the manager of that restaurant, and they said, hey,

01:02:25

Jeff, sorry to bother you, I'm the manager of such and such a restaurant. Hey, there's a little bit of a problem here.

01:02:30

We didn't quite understand on the ticket what you wrote on the side. Were you giving an additional tip, or what did you want to do?

01:02:39

And I did intend to do that, like they had a sort of embedded tip, and then I had an additional tip, because I want to bless people, and be a gracious person, and that's what

01:02:47

I like to do. And so, it was the additional tip, and he said, okay, well, we haven't actually done the transaction yet, because we weren't exactly sure what you wrote there, and he wanted to verify with me.

01:02:58

But what was amazing, is I walked away, and according to my heart, and my pocketbook,

01:03:03

I was saying, transaction complete, I signed on the dotted line. But actually, until they go back, and it's fulfilled on both sides, the transaction isn't complete.

01:03:14

But forgiveness that hasn't been actualized yet, or brought to peace with another person, needs to work like that in our lives.

01:03:22

We need to, in our hearts, already be in a place where the transaction, on my part, is already complete.

01:03:28

Is it finished yet? Is there peace yet? Has the reconciliation been done yet? Is the transaction over?

01:03:35

Is it done and over? No. But for me, it is.

01:03:42

Before God, and me, it is. I signed it. I made the promise.

01:03:50

I made the commitment. It was as good as done in my heart, yes, but that transaction needed to come the other way, of course.

01:03:57

But for me, it needs to be signed, and paid, ready to go. That's how forgiveness has to work, when there hasn't yet been an opportunity to make peace with that person.

01:04:09

That will keep me from bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and slander. It will keep me, it will help me to be tender -hearted, and forgiving.

01:04:18

And finally, let's do this together.

01:04:25

Stand up, stand up. Do you know the

01:04:36

Lord's Prayer? Yeah? Do you know any King James? I think most people do.

01:04:43

King James, awesome translation. Let's try it. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

01:04:52

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.

01:05:04

That was a little messy. Let's try the forgive us our trespasses part. Ready? Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.

01:05:15

Let's do that one more time. Forgive us our trespasses, as we've forgiven those who trespassed against us.

01:05:22

How come nobody in here was choking on that? You see what

01:05:32

I'm saying? It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful, especially when we say it in the

01:05:39

King James. Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

01:05:45

Thy kingdom come. It sounds so beautiful, and we're so used to it sounding so beautiful. But oftentimes,

01:05:52

I think we pass right by what we're actually praying to our Father in heaven. Did you catch it?

01:05:58

Because nobody, oddly, in here was in sackcloth and ashes just now like each of us should be.

01:06:06

Forgive me, Father, of my sin, like I forgive other people of their sin.

01:06:25

Maybe it's because, maybe

01:06:34

I'm this way, because I've been preaching this to myself for months.

01:06:43

Forgive me, Father, like I forgive him. Forgive me the way

01:06:50

I forgive her. Jesus puts into the

01:06:55

Lord's prayer something for each and every one of us to choke on.

01:07:03

Have a seat, please. So what are you saying when you pray that prayer to our

01:07:12

Father? God, forgive me of my sin the way

01:07:21

I forgive them of theirs. So what are you asking?

01:07:27

According to Jesus, pray it like this. Pray to your Father like this. Father, forgive me like I forgive everybody else in the way that I do that.

01:07:38

So what are you saying when you pray that prayer? Father, treat me like I treat her.

01:07:46

Father, treat me like I treat him. Father, think about me and my sin the way that I think about her sin, the way

01:07:59

I think about his sin. Father, view my confession of sin and repentance like I do hers, like I do his.

01:08:12

Treat me the same. Now, is this heavy?

01:08:22

I don't know. The weight of this one has overwhelmed me. It truly has.

01:08:30

You might say to all of this, deep down, okay, that's really convicting, and I know that it's true.

01:08:38

It's God's Word, but I'm working through this right now. But the truth is, is I don't want to forgive them.

01:08:45

I don't want to. It's too much pain. You don't understand what I'm talking about. You don't understand what was done to me.

01:08:51

I don't want to forgive them. You don't understand the abuse. You don't understand the horror.

01:08:59

You don't understand what I endured. You don't understand the pain. You don't understand the sleepless nights.

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You don't know what they said about me. You don't understand how they violated me. I don't want to forgive them.

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Go to Matthew 18. This is right after Peter, asking about forgiveness.

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And in verse 23, it says, Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants.

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When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and children and all that he had, all that he had, and payment to be made.

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So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, have patience with me and I will pay you everything.

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And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.

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And seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, pay what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, have patience with me and I'll pay you.

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He refused and went out and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place.

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Then his master summoned him and said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you.

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And in his anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your hearts.

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These are the words of God, amen? These are the words of God. What's that say?

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What God requires in relationship of forgiveness with him is that he gave the mercy, he released the debt.

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And by the way, that debt can't be compared. You're talking about a pile of money versus nothing, versus nothing.

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And the master lets it go. He forgives it freely. He gives the grace. He releases him.

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And then this wicked slave has the audacity to go to the other slave and to beat him and say, pay me what you owe me.

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No mercy for you. No forgiveness for you. You pay me what you owe me. And so we can see, according to Lord Jesus, if you've experienced the grace of God and forgiveness, you'll be a forgiving person.

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You won't go beat another slave and live a life with a lack of forgiveness and no mercy. And so you might say,

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I don't want to forgive him. And more insightful stuff from a better man than me.

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When Pastor Doug was speaking on bitterness and genuine forgiveness, he had this question to those of us who deep down say,

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I don't want to forgive him. Doug asked it like this.

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Do you want to go to heaven? Do you? Do you want to go to heaven?

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Do you want to be forgiven? He said, you're acting in such a way to demonstrate that you haven't been.

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People who have experienced God's love, love. People who have experienced

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God's grace, give it because they've tasted it. People who have experienced

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God's mercy are merciful because they've received mercy. This is the true heartbeat of the true

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Christian faith. We are to love as he loves us. Anything less is a fraud and a mockery of the

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Christian faith. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you for your word.