TLP 183: Revolving Priorities | A Biblical Example

Revolving Priorities as a Parenting Tool

Today, we're going to briefly review what Revolving Priorities is, and then look at two fantastic biblical examples where the individuals in the texts use Revolving Priorities so well that we should strive to imitate them.

Welcome to Truth.

Love.

Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, A .M. Brewster.

Lord willing, in just a short while, we'll not only be celebrating our second full year of podcasting, applying God's Word to our parenting, but we'll also be publishing our 200th episode. I don't know about you, but that's pretty awesome.

And for all of you who've been on this ride with us, shared it with your friends, reviewed the show, sent us an email and became a patron, I can't thank you enough. But I'd like to try. In the middle of September 2018, Lord willing, I'm going to be speaking at Covenant School in Dallas, Texas.

My gracious hosts for that time thought it would be a great idea to host a TLP meet and greet for any listeners in the area or for anyone who'd be willing to meet us there. I think this is going to be awesome.

I'm so looking forward to connecting with you, our listeners, face to face. My goal is just to be a blessing and encouragement to you. Now, I'm going to give you more details over the next few episodes.

And when the time comes, I'm going to ask you to RSVP with Team TLP at truthloveparent .com if you're planning to attend. But for now, I hope you'll just earnestly pray about coming to our first ever TLP meet and greet in the Dallas area.

Our God is so awesome. He deserves to be at the center of our parenting. We shouldn't have a parent or child-centered home. We have to have God-centered homes, and that makes all the difference. And that's the whole point and purpose of TLP's podcast, online resources, meet and greets, and counseling.

Now, one thing I love about doing this for almost two years is that I can take the time to expand previous concepts. Sometimes 20 minutes just isn't long enough to fully explain myself, and today's topics is one of those.

Now, if you haven't heard episodes 38 and 39, it would be a huge help if you listened to them before continuing with today's episode. I think you'll see where we're going, but I would definitely take the time to listen to all three together.

Episode 38 introduced the communication house, and episode 39 revealed the indispensable parenting tool called revolving priorities. And today we're going to briefly review what revolving priorities is, and then look at two fantastic biblical examples where the individuals in the texts use revolving priorities so well that we should strive to imitate them.

So let's review and then dive into scripture. The foundation of revolving priorities is that we, as parents, must understand that at any given time, the most important thing to us may not be the most important thing.

At all.

Here's how it works. Number one, I say something to my child. It may be a command or a question, a statement or an exclamation, it doesn't matter. For example, how's your homework coming? Two, my child responds in a way that doesn't please the Lord.

It may be communicated with non-verbals or with words. It may be in any number of inappropriate responses, including anger, disdain, annoyance, fear, extreme sadness, or any other ungodly response. For example, my child may respond with, fine.

Number three, I then need to decide whether to revolve my priorities, change my direction, as it were, or push through with my original priority. And this is the crux moment. This is where we parents either set ourselves up for failure or success.

You see, it's our own selfish tendency to want to get what we want. My original desire was to ask how my kid's homework was coming because I simply wanted some factual information. I may have asked because I knew he wasn't doing what he should be doing and I wanted to low-key encourage him to get started.

I may have been just wanting to strike up some casual conversation in order to show him that I love him. Whatever the motivation, I didn't get what I want. His annoyed response didn't really provide me the information I wanted, didn't really fix the fact that he wasn't working on his homework, or apparently communicate the level of love I was hoping.

So now my own temptation to annoyance or anger or whatever, or other inappropriate response, may just go slam a wrecking ball into this oncoming train. But we're both commanded by God to stay in the communication house.

He's obviously stepped outside, my son that is, and nothing will be gained and God will not be glorified if I join him on the front lawn. So this is where revolving priorities keeps us on track. Immediately, finding out how the homework is coming is no longer important to me.

It may become important again later, it may never be broached again today, but for now, it's definitely not the most important thing I can be doing. Now in order to decide how to rotate my priorities, I need to have a firm grasp on God's commands for life.

If I don't know what God says about parent-child relationships, communication, and homework, I'll be left with no other recourse than to respond from my own version of truth, and that is never valuable.

At that point, I'm just asking my child to worship me, and that's not going to benefit.

Either of us.

But when I know what God has to say about communication, and if I've laid a groundwork with my child about how Christ's honoring relationships work, then I can rotate away from the homework and toward Christ's high biblical expectations for our lives.

Now number four. At this stage, I've already decided whether or not I need to revolve my priorities to address the negative attitude communicated by His tone, or I just keep going with where.

I am.

And hopefully in this situation, I've rotated my priorities, and that leads to number five. Now I need to pay close attention to the response in order to know if I should stay with the current priority, rotate back to the first one, or move on to another.

Here's how it may work. First, he may apologize right away, realizing that he responded incorrectly. We can chat about whatever was at the root of his bad fruit, and then we can move on. Second, he may ask legitimate questions.

Now when I say legitimate questions, I'm referring to one that is genuinely interested in the answer, not merely a question meant to sidetrack. By the way, when kids go off on rabbit trails or try to distract or sidetrack the conversation, they're exercising their own version of revolving priorities.

Anyway, my child may have forgotten exactly what the communication house was, they may legitimately not understand what was wrong with their tone, etc. In all those situations, keeping with my new priority is probably best.

Or third, my child may continue south in his tirade. Every word he speaks and action he takes showing me a more clear picture as to the root of the problem. As I gain a clearer understanding of his beliefs that are currently attacking God, I need to revolve in that direction.

Elijah Confronts Ahab at Mount Carmel

So that's how revolving priorities work. Here are two real-life biblical examples of them working. The first comes from 1 Kings 18 verses 17 and 18. Here's the situation. The prophet Elijah and ultimate loser king Ahab are always going toe-to-toe.

In fact, the last time they met, God promised it wasn't going to rain for three years. Now at the beginning of chapter 18, God tells Elijah to confront Ahab again and among other things tell him that it's finally going to rain.

So Ahab sees Elijah and his first words are, Is it you, you troubler of Israel? Now remember that Elijah has been told by God exactly what to do and say. Doesn't that sound like parenting? We know exactly what God wants us to do.

It's in his word and as ambassador parents, we're to parent the Bible into every opportunity in our family life. So Elijah doesn't really play Ahab's game. He simply replies, I have not troubled Israel, but you have in your father's house because you have abandoned the commandments of the Lord and followed the Baals.

Now therefore, send and gather all Israel to me at Mount Carmel and the 450 prophets of Baal and the 400 prophets of Asherah who eat at Jezebel's table. The only reason Elijah even acknowledged Ahab's taunt was to turn it around on him and to use it to condemn him.

And then without waiting for a response, Elijah continues right into God's command. He's basically bossing the king around because he knows that it's the ultimate king of the universe who's talking through him.

This has nothing to do with Elijah versus Ahab. It's all about God. Now this example isn't going to necessarily fit well with most of your opportunities to revolve your priorities. Elijah here is dealing with a God-hating terrorist who God knew was never going to submit to.

Him.

However, before we move on to our last example, we need to glean some instruction from this anecdote. Number one, you never need to revolve with your children's attempt to accomplish their own purposes.

They may be trying to hurt your feelings, scare you into compromising, defy you, or whatever, but we don't have to walk down that road. They are not the authority, God is, and then you're his first follower.

Your God-focused priority is really all that matters. Now that doesn't mean you engage in a shouting match to get your point across. No, we need to parent in truth and love, and each parent-child dynamic will be a little different, but my main point is that you don't have to surrender your priority to your child's.

You simply need to submit your priority to God's. Number two, your children's actions, words, feelings, desires, and beliefs must guide how you revolve your priorities. Ahab was trying to condemn Elijah, but he took the opportunity to get to the root of the issue.

It was Ahab who had troubled Israel with his sin. Perhaps your child says, you don't love me. It might be appropriate to take her to the scripture that shows that you have, in fact, loved her dearly, but that her words are truly the unloving response.

Number three, speak confidently when you speak truth. I'm not saying to be arrogant or braggadocious or greater than thou. I'm simply saying that you can be confident that you're doing the right thing in the right way when you do what God commands in the right way for the right reasons with the right power.

Elijah could command the king of Israel to do what he said because he knew who the real authority was. Okay, so that's a simple example of revolving priorities within a seriously antagonistic situation.

Jesus and the Samaritan Woman at the Well

Here's one that will mirror our average encounter a little better. Consider with me John 4. So Jesus' disciples had just gone into a nearby city to buy food when a woman came out from the city to collect water from the well.

There are so many amazing things about this passage, but I'm going to try to limit my considerations just to our discussion today of revolving priorities. Just know that I am in no way doing any expository justice to this passage.

So you can imagine it. The woman walks up, Jesus is sitting there and his first words are, give me a drink. Now we need to start by understanding that it was Christ's ultimate goal to introduce himself to her as her Savior and Lord.

That was his main priority. But we'll see him get to it by bouncing from one sub-priority to another. And the other interesting note is that the woman is going to try very hard to revolve the priorities to her own liking nearly every step of the way.

Anyway, I'm not sure if Jesus actually ever got a drink because her first attempt to change the direction of the conversation and possibly get out of having to give him a drink was to remind Jesus that he should be prejudiced against her.

She said, how is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria? Few Jewish men of the time would have wasted the words on a Samaritan, let alone a female Samaritan. And this is an amazing example of an illegitimate question.

She's not truly interested in the answer. She has ulterior motives. But Jesus is not going to be embroiled in this particular rabbit trail. He keeps going with the initial priority. He replies, if you knew the gift of God and who it is that is saying to you, give me a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.

Now this seems to pique her interest a little and she leaves off pushing her racial talking points. Instead, she asks, sir, you have nothing to draw water with and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water?

Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us this well and drank from it himself as did his sons and his livestock. Now, I believe that her question was legitimate.

Why?

Because Jesus chose to answer it, unlike he did the first question. It probably did seem strange to her to imagine asking a man with no way of collecting water to give her a drink. And since the well at which they were conversing was likely the only source of water in the near vicinity, and since this man was claiming to have water that was called living water, it seems legitimate that she would assume that this man was somehow superior to the greatest patriarch in Israel's history.

And Jesus rotates his priority ever so slightly by answering her question, but he still maintains his focus, his main priority. He says, everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.

The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life. You see, he simply acknowledges that his comments had nothing to do with the well in front of them, and everything to do with an entirely different kind of water.

This intrigues the woman further, and she appears to embrace Jesus's priority. She says, sir, give me this water so that I may not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water. But despite the fact that she seems to be engaging in the discussion God wants to have, Jesus knows that after laying this important foundation, there's yet another priority that must be addressed first.

Now, as a side note, in evangelism, whether with your kids or someone else, it's so easy to rush to a prayer simply because someone shows interest in collecting the benefits of Christianity, eternal life, not going to hell, so on and so forth.

But Jesus needed her to recognize her sin. So, he rotates and says, go, call your husband and come here. I believe her response is very calculated. She does what children often do, what we're all tempted to do.

She gives the answer that paints her in the best light. She says simply, I have no husband. Jesus continues on his current trajectory with, you're right in saying I have no husband, for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband.

What you have said is true. Now, not wanting to continue down this path, the woman attempts to revolve her own priorities by complimenting him and then using that springboard into another racially charged geopolitical argument.

She says, sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship. Now, instead of staying with his previous priority to help the woman truly understand the desperate position into which her sin has dropped her, Jesus revolves his priorities to partially address the woman's question, but to also refocus on his main theme, his main priority.

He proclaims, woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know. We worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews.

But the hour is coming and is now here when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth. For the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. God is spirit and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.

Now this does it. He's given her truth from God and she knows it. She's connecting the dots. Her next words prove it. I know that Messiah is coming, he who is called Christ. When he comes, he will tell us all things.

And all Jesus has to say is, I who speak with you am he. Not long after the woman, forgetting her water jug at the well, rushed into town crying, come see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?

This illustration shows us a perfect example of revolving priorities. Now Jesus was not tempted to sin as we are. He wasn't revolving his priorities away from sinful responses to God honoring ones like we so often must.

But as you study this example, you'll see the following principles. Number one, keep your main focus on God's glory. You may have to rotate your secondary priorities as you make your way there, but staying in the communication house and pleasing the Lord must be your only goals.

This will help you stay away from the internal temptations with which we all struggle and it will guide all of your secondary principles. Number two, don't be distracted by disingenuous questions designed to sidetrack you.

What your children already know and their tone of voice will be very helpful in discerning whether their questions are beneficial or not. Number three, use your children's legitimate questions to further your main priority.

Rotate your secondary priority to answer their question, but focus your answer in such a way to stay on track with your main priority. Number four, realize that when your child concedes a secondary priority, they may still not agree with the main priority.

Don't foolishly think that you won the war just because a minor skirmish was surrendered. Jesus didn't introduce himself as the Messiah just because she said that she wanted living.

Water.

He waited until she had understood and accepted his main premise. Number five, regardless of how many times your kids try to rotate the conversation in their direction, keep the tension between your main focus to glorify God and your secondary priorities that it may or may not address their rabbit trails.

Number six, understand that the first answer may likely not be the best answer. Your children may say yes when you ask if they cleaned their room, but you may have to ask follow-up questions to determine the truth.

And seven, keep the conversation in the communication house. We have no evidence that the woman was ever unkind in her tone or words, but she spoke a number of inaccurate things every time Jesus clarified the truth because he couldn't have a conversation with her if she was out on the front lawn.

You cannot come to an agreement if everyone is believing different things. I always rotate my priorities when the person with whom I'm speaking says something that doesn't match up with Scripture or reality.

Common Reasons to Rotate Priorities

Now I know I'm going kind of long today, but it's so full of good stuff. I'm going to end by giving you a short list of common reasons you may have to rotate your priorities. But before I do that, let me invite you to share today's episode and check out our free episode notes at TruthLoveParent .com.

Also know that after the notes come our transcript. As you study this concept, maybe you prefer to go back to some physical notes instead of having to jump around the whole episode again to hear what you're trying to hear.

So please make use of the transcript there at TruthLoveParent .com. I know I can often cover a lot of information quickly as well. The notes are designed to distill the ideas in a way that will help you understand and learn them better.

So I hope they're a blessing to you. Okay, so here are some common reasons you may have to rotate your priorities. Number one, your children have had a sinful response to a command, comment, or question.

Number two, your children are trying to hijack the conversation by rotating it away from your biblical priority. Number three, your children have made a comment or asked a question that reveals they're starting to understand.

Number four, your children have stepped out of the communication house by deliberately or accidentally saying something that is untrue. Number five, your children may have stepped out of the communication house by saying or doing something unloving.

Number six, even though they seem to be speaking truth in love, your children have stepped out of the communication house by revealing that they have their own motivations, not God's. And number seven, your children have submitted to God's truth, and now you can rotate back to the original priority.

I hope that this list is helpful for you. Be premeditated. Be on the lookout for opportunities to rotate. On our next episode, we're going to start a new series called A Parent's Five Jobs. I'm really looking forward to it.

I wrote the curriculum for a family camp I did, and I believe it's going to be very helpful for you and your family. And I want to encourage you to like us on Facebook. This ministry is not at all about me.

It's about God, and because of that, we frequently share parenting articles written by other people in other ministries. We recently shared an article from Desiring God called, To Be a Mother is a Call to Suffer.

One of our listeners commented, I am so glad I read that. And another replied, this is deep. I need to read that again. It's all about applying God's Word to our parenting in any way possible. His truth is the only thing that will give us any success in parenting.

So to that end, I'll see you next time.

Truth.

Love.

Parents. Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.