November 30, 2016 Show with Tim Bayly on “Christian Fathers Using the Holidays for God’s Glory”

Iron Sharpens Iron Intro and the Theme of Fatherhood

Live from the historic parsonage of 19th century gospel minister George Norcross in downtown Carlisle, Pennsylvania it's iron sharpens iron a radio platform on which pastors Christian scholars and theologians Address the burning issues facing the church and the world today.

Proverbs 27 verse 17 tells us iron sharpens iron. So one man sharpens another. Matthew Henry said that in this passage quote we are cautioned to take heed whom we converse with and Directed to have in view in conversation to make one another wiser and better.

It is our hope that this goal will be accomplished over the next hour. And we hope to hear from you the listener with your own questions. Now, here's our host.

Chris.

Good afternoon, Cumberland County, Pennsylvania and the rest of humanity living on the planet Earth. Listening via live streaming. This is Chris Arnzen your host of iron sharpens iron wishing you all a happy Wednesday on this 30th day of November 2016.

The last day of November and I am delighted to have a returning guest today. Perhaps many of you remember Tim Bailey senior pastor of Clear Note Church in Bloomington, Indiana who the last time he was on the program Discussed his book.

Daddy tried overcoming the failures of fatherhood. Well, at least one of the last times he was on he discussed that book. Well today we're expanding that theme with the upcoming holidays right around the corner Christmas being the first.

And we are going to be discussing today Christian fathers using the holidays for God's glory. And it's my honor and privilege welcoming you back to iron sharpens iron. Tim Paley. Tim Bailey. I'm sorry and As we did last time because there are people who are no doubt Hearing you for the first time on the program today who did not hear the previous broadcast.

It seems we're getting new listeners every week if not every day and Tell our listeners something about Clear Note Church in Bloomington, Indiana.

Church that is what? 20 -21 years old now. It's holds the Westminster standards. In other words, it's Protestant reformed and confessional and. Probably the most interesting thing about it is that we have about 85 children under the age of three.

Wow.

How many? I'm at 85. Wow, that is unusual. Last time I heard about that many children under one roof. It was in a polygamist Mormon ranch. And I also want to give a plug to Jody Killingsworth at my soul among lions.

Jody is a member of The Clear Note Church and are all three of the members of that group in your church.

Yeah, they're all three from the church. Jody's our pastor for worship and music and The other two men are are in the church. But yeah, Jody Indiana University has a huge music school. And so we've been blessed with many many good musicians.

Well praise God for that and I really highly recommend Everybody listening to look up the website for my soul among lions Calm my soul among lions calm because this is a really remarkable group who bring the Psalms to life in a modern way, although In in many cases traditional as well.

It's it's not. This is not rock music they're playing but they're just different expressions of the Psalms. I I thought that the one on Psalm 2 Sounded very much like a a bluegrass version Although Jody said that he thought bluegrass purists would disagree strongly about that but I really love the group and Perhaps we'll play some clips during our interview today when we come in and out of commercial breaks.

But.

Fatherhood is obviously a important subject to you. So much so that you wrote a book about it and perhaps before we go on to our specific subject about Christian fathers using the holidays for God's glory.

Perhaps you could give our listeners a synopsis about daddy tried overcoming the failures of fatherhood. The theme of your book. Are you there Tim. For some reason our guest Tim Bailey is not on the air and We're going to.

Okay.

Fatherhood as a Christian Calling and the Burden of Failure

Fatherhood in America today, and I don't think I need to explain it. There's just an attack and it's probably an attack on manhood. And today are very soft partly an attack on God's fatherhood. You can't attack fatherhood without attacking God.

It's partly an attack on authority and So many men have grown up without Being intimate at all emotionally with their dads or with their dads being absent or with their dads being abusers and tyrants.

That you have this effort to recreate fatherhood, but so often it's hackneyed. It's it's rigid. It's wooden. It's it's like this is what they told me to do. So I will do this and What I think men don't have is they don't have Stories and images from their childhood that they can pattern themselves after so what I tried to do is talk about my dad a.

Lot.

Because he was you know, he was not fake at all not at all and Just give some stories about his successes. Some about his failures. Because I think that living the Christian life often is being willing to fail.

You know perfectionists don't live by faith and That's the effort of this book to talk about discipline to talk about instruction to talk about Why your wife's preferences should not rule your home that that's harmful to the children.

To give men confidence and I call it daddy tried because that's a line in a story I tell about my own daddy, which is what I called him Until I became an adult, but anyhow. And I think that it's it's so helpful to men to be given a picture of another dad who was a very good father and who failed so that when we fail we don't fall to pieces and Try to keep it off Facebook, you know.

Yeah, that's that's sort of. That's the synopsis of the book. Yeah.

Well, I want to let our listeners to know if you want to get a copy of daddy tried you can go to warhornmedia .com Warhorn media .com and Just click on where it says get the book and you'll find out how to get the book.

As always you can get the vast majority if not all of the books by the guests we interview at Cumberland Valley Bible Book Service who are sponsors of our program and their website is CV bbs .com CV for Cumberland Valley BBS or Bible book service dot-com and we thank Todd and Patty Jennings for being faithful supporters of iron sharpens iron.

Well with this particular theme that we have developed today because Christmas is coming up in the new year following. Don't you think that That these are opportunities. There are opportunities for a lot of things, but don't you think that?

There are opportunities for. For fathers who know that they have failed in innumerable ways. Some more than others some are more aware of their failures than others, but a good time to reach out. To family members to even children whether they're grown or still small.

To reach out to them with repentance and let them know. Hey daddy tried and. But daddy's a sinner and daddy needs the grace of God to be the best father. He can be and Etc. Don't you think that this is a good opportunity for all fathers listening to do something like that?

It is a difficult time of year, it's very difficult all you know Pastors and funeral directors know that when a parent dies you have the kids fighting and I was talking to a funeral director recently and We were talking about the fact that so often the fights that come at death there were ways.

That the kids process all the animosity and jealousies and bitterness. That they didn't get what they felt they deserve from their mother or their father or both of them. And so they all come out when you fight over who gets mom's chest of drawers from the bedroom.

You know what I'm saying? And and the same thing is true of Christmas, you know, the hopes and and dreams and aspirations of every living soul. Come to that room at that dining room table at Christmas time and everybody better get exactly what they want out of that.

You know the relationships the food, you know, it's just it's such a larger-than-life holiday. There's so much going on pitying Intimid and so really dad because the course is going to be set by someone and it is the calling of a father to take responsibility for the preferences and moods and and temper and joys and happiness of the Christmas season.

Instead of allowing the sins of himself or his family to us, you know to establish the pattern. So I think it is a time for us To make amends for the past. But I don't fears in the past their sins and failures of the past to keep them from doing the hard work necessary to lead their family celebrations and various doings during the holidays.

We just have to be willing to lead knowing that we all sin in our leadership. And so I wrote up some notes for today's talk and one of the things I wrote up I was saying things we should do during the holidays.

One of the things I said was ask forgiveness and apologize right after that I said forgive forgive and forgive and then right after that I wrote teach teach and teach. We have to admit our sins and we have to apologize but man We can't allow that to keep us from leading our homes and our families and that's what I'm so fearful that everybody's parade and God and He sends us out to live and that's what we have to do with our families.

I mean, you know, I as much as any other man I can look back on the past and just grieve over things that I've done year after year. But we have to lead our families. We have to be the dad we have to be the father and if we're not the father the dad the home is not ordered.

Properly and it's sick. It just automatically is sick when the children's sins are allowed to leave the home. Facebook is allowed to leave the home tablets computers smartphones leave the home television leaves the home.

There are a lot of kind of a lot of usurpers that want to remove the story as dads need to guard against that.

Repentance, Forgiveness, and Leading the Home at Christmas

Yeah, I'm assuming that a lot of men Do not apologize especially to their children Because they think that is unmanly, but they would be deadly wrong about that. Would that would they not. I like for instance my father who? passed away in 1998.

One of the things when I When I reflect on him and reminisce one of the things that I cherish most about him was he? Was a man who was willing to humble himself and to apologize. I can remember him doing that to me When he was clearly wrong about something or the way he reacted to something I can remember him clearly doing it to my late wife.

My my late my late wife was an RN and When she was strong and healthy and still working she was taking care of my mother while she was dying of pancreatic cancer and living in a hospital bed in our living room and My my late wife was taking meticulous care of her and my father was going through a an odd stage of being Overly protective of my mother during this time.

I guess it's kind of understandable, but he got so upset. He got so upset over my wife giving a gentle critique of To my father over the way. He was doing something while he was trying to care for my mother that my my father Cursed and yelled at my wife and threw her out of the house.

I was not present at the time.

But.

When I found out about that It took him a while. It would took him till after my wife my took him till after my mother passed away. But I can still remember him showing up at my apartment with a bouquet of roses for my wife and he wept and he apologized to her and I did not think that he was unmanly because he did that.

I thought all the more of him.

Yeah.

There's a lot of people he can't can't do any wrong we lead. That our sins become obvious. And when our sins become obvious It's a wonderful opportunity for us to teach the most important thing we can teach to our children which is that God is merciful to sinners.

And How do our children learn that God is merciful to sinners if we allow our water the home into perfection, you know. We have to do this now we have to do this. Or if the dad Never Apologizes, how do the children learn the mercy of God if their father doesn't forgive them?

And if their father does not ask them for forgiveness, I mean we are sinners living together.

My goodness, if you ever know that it's during the holiday and don't you think that a lot of men out? There are probably fearful.

To.

Reach out to perhaps sons and daughters that have been Alienated from the family. They're estranged from the family because of something perhaps horrific this father has done. He's repented. He's either become a Christian or perhaps restored after discipline or what-have-you and you have a word for these men who are just Fearful because they they are terrified of the negative reaction or rejection.

They're going to receive fear of God.

Are we fear a man and it's pathetic to waste our lives fearing man? Of course, you know our children gonna throw it in there in our faces when we rebuke them. I guess you you blew it didn't you? Especially, you know our wives.

I tell people sometimes I think my wife doesn't remember anything, but the bad. And I don't remember anything, but the good.

People.

And so wives can throw it in our faces, too. But again, it can paralyze you if your goal is to not have anybody throw anything in your face. You'll never you'll never live. You know, you'll experience everything vicariously, you know, you'll read books.

You'll watch movies you'll you know speak in Puritan ease, you know Elizabethan English and None of that is Christian faith. You know when God commanded the Israelites and When he commanded the Israelites in Deuteronomy 6.

Love the word your God with all your heart with all your soul with all your might these words. Which I'm commanding you today. She'll be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and she'll talk of them when you sit in your house.

And when you walk by the way, and when you lie down when you rise up. You should bind them as a sign on your hands. You know, we hear that and it's kind of sounds like the clickety-clack of the rosary.

You know what I mean? Because we're so familiar That it loses its meaning but what God is commanding is that faith and the love of God permeate Everything we do and how can we love God without realizing our sin?

I just you know Augustine in the Confessions has a section where he talks about whether or not it's sinful sin in our dreams. So Justin teases out the truth that even our dreams we sent this last week.

You remember earlier my phone went dead. Yes. The reason it went dead. Was it earlier this week? I had a dream right before I got up in the morning. I had a dream that I broke my cell phone, right? I've never dreamt it before and so I got up and as soon as I got up, I broke my cell phone.

And I bring that up because dreams themselves have moral content and How can anybody know God and love him? Without being aware of my sin and Once we're aware of our sin. We realize what Martin Luther said in the first of his 95 theses that when our Lord said it that you must repent He was teaching us that the life of a Christian.

I don't know how to. I Don't know how to get it across because you know, everybody thinks well I need to live my life in such a way that I don't need to repent and It's exactly the opposite of. We should get better at repenting the older and more holy we will change.

We will be sanctified, but we'll also be sensitized more to the way sin pervades. This is what we need at Christmas time is to realize why? We would sing O come O come Emmanuel and ransom captive Tim Bailick.

And I'm not speaking as if I'm not a Christian and not justified. You know before God through the righteousness of Christ. That's not my point. But my point is that there is a law of sin and death and it's like Owen, you know points out so well.

And so we not the kind of sinner that goes around and says poor pitiful me. I'm just a broken man and you know Don't be offended by me because then we'll never lead will never be a father or husband. That's in our sin in such a way that our children and our wife love us.

Because they see that we're real there's so much that's in the church today and It is not godliness and it's the absence of by the way.

Our email address if you'd like to join us is Chris Arnzen at gmail .com. Chris ar n z e n at gmail .com. Please give us your first name your city and state in your country of residence if you live outside the USA.

Or you may remain anonymous if you're you're going to be asking about a very personal intimate and private Circumstance that Would make you feel more comfortable remaining anonymous and perhaps would make me feel more comfortable if you remain anonymous as well.

But if it's not something like that if it's a general question about fatherhood or our topic today specifically Then please at least give us your first name your city and state and your country of residence and we do have a pastor sterling vanderwerker in Greensboro, North Carolina.

I usually don't give the full names of our listeners. But when it's a pastor from time to time I Identify who they are so that I can plug their church. Pastor sterling vanderwerker says I'm eager to hear How you have fathered your home and pointing to the Savior Jesus Christ in Direct contrast to society.

I have failed in so many ways, too. But one year I thought long and hard about teaching my wife and two daughters how to better reflect the proper foundation for gift-giving. During the Christmas holiday I came up with this presentation that each of us use when giving a gift to a loved one in The same way that God the Father gave us his son Jesus as a gift of love.

I give this gift of love to you. It has redirected our attention from materialism towards the gift of grace in Jesus Christ. May the Lord bless you and keep you. Well, it's a nice tradition. You've started pastor vanderwerker, and if you have any comments Do you have any comments Tim?

No, dear brother. Thank you for that. That's. That's very. And of course, you know We do give the gift of and love is patient love is kind. Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is a very hard-edged thing.

And it's a very amen and.

Shepherds fellowship in Greensboro, North Carolina is where Pastor vanderwerker is the pastor and you can find them at SFOF gso .org that's SF for Shepherds Fellowship of Gso Greensboro. And that's org and.

Actually, you could go. Grace in the triad is a better way to remember it. Grace in the triad comm. Thank you pastor vanderwerker for contributing today's program. We have Tyler and mastic Beach, Long Island.

Who says do you think that we as Christians often forget that God's grace covers all areas of the Christian life.

Well, I'm not sure what he means by that. But yeah, we forget it all the time and There's been a way that keeps us from having to depend on grace. We think we can run out of his grace that we have to earn his grace.

So much talk about grace in the church today. It's meaning and I I tell people that the most graceful worship services I've ever been in remember his sin and gets up in front of the congregation and confesses and.

And.

Asks for forgiveness. We're talking about unusual circumstances and there's not a dry eye in the church and The grace of God is so beautifully evident at times like that I think today in the Reformed Church we think that we have to avoid repentance in order for there to be grits when we see our sin and.

Others and I think that one I'm guessing on Tyler's part, but since we were talking about fathers perhaps being filled with an anxiety perhaps so much anxiety that they fail to reach out. With a love of father to children that perhaps are alienated and they are perhaps as estranged from the family because of this father's sins and He is afraid of the reaction perhaps Tyler was.

Thinking of the grace of God if you're doing something in obedience to God no matter what the reaction is from others God will bless you. Will he not? Yeah, I mean again.

He is the one that man including our wife sometimes to do things that are counterintuitive. Which is kind of a euphemism for things that will anger our families and. But again God has God has called us to bring Him and our love for him into our homes.

One of the things.

I.

Was thinking about this. Talking to you earlier today, and I wrote up a couple of paragraphs that I want to read if you don't mind.

Oh, yeah.

Grace, Repentance, and the Responsibility to Lead

In fact, if you could read them right after we come back from the break as we're going to her. That's fine. I'd rather not cut you off in mid-sentence. So we're going to a break right now. If anybody would like to join us on the air with a question for pastor Tim Bailey our Email address is Chris Ornson at gmail .com.

Chris Ornson at gmail .com. Please give us your first name your city and state in your country of residence if you live outside of the good old USA. So don't go away. We will be right back after these messages.

Chris Ornson here, and I can't wait to head down to Atlanta, Georgia, and here's my friend. Dr. James White to tell you why.

Hi, I'm James White of Alpha and Omega ministries. I hope you join me at the g3 conference hosted by pastor Josh Bice and praise mill Baptist Church at the Georgia International Convention Center in Atlanta January 19th through the 21st in celebration of the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation.

I'll be joined by Paul Washer Steve Lawson da Carson Vodie Balcom Conrad and Bayway Phil Johnson Rosaria Butterfield Todd Friel and a host of other speakers who are dedicated to the pillars of what g3 stands for gospel grace and glory.

For more details go to g3 conference .com. That's g3 conference .com.

Thanks, James. Make sure you greet me at the iron sharpens iron exhibit booth while you're there.

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Paul wrote to the church at Galatia for am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Hi, I'm Mark Lukens pastor of Providence Baptist Church.

We are a reformed Baptist Church and we hold to the London Baptist Confession of Faith of 1689. We are in Norfolk, Massachusetts. We strive to reflect Paul's mindset to be much more concerned with how God views what we say and what we do Than how men view these things.

That's not the best recipe for popularity. But since that wasn't the Apostles priority, it must not be ours either. We believe by God's grace that we are called to demonstrate love and compassion to our fellow man and To be vessels of Christ's mercy to a lost and hurting community around us and to build up the body of Christ in truth.

And love. If you live near Norfolk, Massachusetts or plan to visit our area Please come and join us for worship and fellowship. You can call us at 508 -528 -5750. That's 508 -528 -5750 or go to our website to email us listen to past sermons Worship songs or watch our TV program entitled resting in grace.

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Forward slash iron sharpens today. That is my soul among lions that group.

I was telling you about where all three members are. Members of the group are members of our guests congregation clear note Church in Bloomington, Indiana and Those three members of the group are Jody Killingsworth Philip Moyer and Andrew Henry.

That's Jody Killingsworth Philip Moyer and Andrew Henry and they are my soul among lions and Don't forget to look them up on my soul among lions. Calm. Perfect gifts for Christmas as we are actually discussing the holidays today, and we hope to play some more of These songs throughout the broadcast, but you had a paragraph Pastor Tim that you were going to read and let me remind our listeners of our email address.

It's Chris Arnzen at gmail .com. Chris Arnzen at gmail .com. If you have a question for our guest pastor Tim Bailey, but pastor Tim you have a Paragraph you wanted to read.

Yeah, I also sent you a link to. My soul among lions is part of a larger group of musicians from our church. I sent you a link to Gabriel's message.

Okay, I will. Is that a song?

Yeah, Gabriel's message. It's on YouTube. If you look up Good Shepherd band Gabriel's message.

And I thought you would love that. Oh great. Now, let me.

Well, let me let me talk a little bit about something that I think a lot about as I'm older and that's preferences, okay, I Think that during the holiday seasons during Christmas New Year's when you have your family come into the home, I think dads need to realize that there's no such thing as a Family where someone's preferences don't rule the home.

Okay.

I think of a few years ago when my mother asked my sister to pray at the beginning of Christmas dinner and my sister Pointedly as she prayed Did not make any reference to the fatherhood of God. She did not address God as father.

There were no male pronouns and It was very clear that she was doing this because she's a feminist and she repudiates the fatherhood of God. Okay, and so. That's an indication of how a preference can prevail in a home.

You know, my mother asked her to pray she prays and on my mother didn't know she was going to pray that way. So afterwards David my brother and I were both pastors. We talked to my sister and said that We know that we belong to God because our hearts cry out all the fathers.

It is impossible to be a Christian and to repudiate the fatherhood of God. It's impossible. Well, you can imagine that to her we were taking what were our preferences because we're mad you follow and Trying to like guilt trip and force male preferences on her.

Are you with me? Oh.

Yeah, definitely and.

And so she got there goes on during the holiday season. You never have a vacuum. Nature pours a vacuum and you never have a vacuum vacuum in a home. You don't have a vacuum in a church. Someone's preferences are always prevailing and what I what I have increasingly felt in the last few years is.

That.

Fathers must be jealous for their preferences Ordering their home now, I know that that sounds wacko. It sounds like it's an argument for selfishness and pomposity and all this other stuff but if we can just get it into our head that a selfish child who's Screaming because they didn't get the gift that they wanted if that child is not Disciplined so that it doesn't make it uncomfortable with the parents that and everybody else in the house that child's preferences are Prevailing over that household and it's wrong God is to prevail over the household.

He's a hood in man the husband the father and therefore the man is To not be apologetic about how his preferences in his home are the ones That he will Implement now. I know that leadership and authority are always subject to a lot of dangers and I know people are going to think well You're talking about sitting in a chair drinking a beer watching television watching football day after day.

And that's what you mean by your preferences and and I would say now that's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm talking about if a child or if a grandchild is Acting in such a way that they're oppressing everybody else by their sin by their false doctrine.

You know how you can have People at the table who are just spouting things that are directly contrary to scripture and it's your home and How have we gotten to the point where fathers feel like they can't speak up because their wives will be upset that they you know That the good vibes didn't prevail at the table.

There are many ways of dealing with other people's sinful preferences and desires and selfishness.

Without.

Appearing to be a monster. Okay, so here's my point someone's preferences always prevail in the Christian home. So don't apologize for being jealous for your own preferences ordering your home. Rather than the preferences of your in-laws your children or your wife.

Don't try though to claim that each of your preferences are principles and there's an old saying all of an Englishman's preferences are a matter of principle and You don't want to be that way. You don't want to act as if your choice of color or you're sitting at the head of The table you do that your preference is a principle.

The real principle is that your preference and that's not a violation of servant leadership. And that's not a violation of your love for your wife. And if you're putting other people ahead of yourself, everybody in the home is going to be more comfortable when the father has the dignity of fatherhood that God has bestowed on and.

So during conversations during devotions during the opening of presents and dinner, I have a preference.

Chris and you know what it is. What's that? Do you get all the presents?

Now I can't even come up with what I want my kids to buy me anymore. Anyhow, no, my preference is that we not allow smartphones to be used. At a dinner table either while we're eating or while we're sitting around talking afterwards and I rule The the table that way.

I've even said to one of my elders who was there with his wife That I didn't want him taking a phone call and and talking on the phone while he was at our table. With a bunch of guests. It's just to me.

It's rude. But even if other people don't think it's rude. It doesn't matter. It's a preference of mine, and I won't allow it at my dinner table. No texting no answering a phone calls. I'm a pastor, right and I've had this policy about answering machines and phones for decades.

And guess what? Nobody's ever died because we have this policy.

Not yet.

Things can always wait and you know, if it's a physician I May make an exception, you know. For for one of the Dodgers in our church. Sure, but absolutely not for my grandchildren and my children.

Now.

Would you think that a man who is? Wise in the way that he leads his home and Serves as the head of his household. That he would be wise though to Delegate certain things to the Preference of his wife for instance, like I could give you.

I don't want to bash my dad. Huh? I mentioned what I've mentioned one thing negative about him, but but he. All of my life it broke my heart Because he never let my mother Decorate the home the way the way she wanted to.

I could. Still I have this vivid memory of My parents going out shopping for furniture, and I'm sitting home as a little kid. I could still remember the door opening up my mother crying running up the stairs, and I was wondering what's that about?

Then seeing two moving men from the the furniture store Carrying in a couch that was a red and orange plaid couch With Revolutionary War battleships all over it.

And.

And that's my father had got his way with all of that kind of thing and I have really always thought you know. He didn't have to have his way about everything. He could have allowed his wife to pick out the kind of furniture.