TLP 269: Obedience that Understands, Part 2

So, if I asked her to clean her room and she did a good job in the right amount of time but she had a bad attitude, you better believe I'm going to thank her for the good job she did. But it would be wrong for me to skip the reality that she was mad the whole time she cleaned.

Obedience That Understands and the Difference Between Right Action and Right Manner

Welcome to Truth.

Love. Parent.

Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, AM Brewster.

Welcome back to the second part of our Review Week where we're revisiting the Teach Your Children to Obey series. Today we're looking at the difference between doing the right thing and doing it the right way.

There's a huge difference between those two and it's imperative that we can teach our kids how to obey. This episode is called Obedience That Understands because our kids need to understand the finer details of obedience in order to be able to do it the right way.

And the same could be said for our parenting. Many times we try to do really good things for our kids but we miss the mark when it comes to the way God wants it done. May we all grow in our obedience because of today's study.

By the way, happy Father's Day. A few weeks ago we looked at how to be a Proverbs 31 mother and I'm really excited about discussing the Isaiah 11 father when I get back from vacation. Please pray for me and my family.

Of course, pray that we would be safe. But more than that, pray that we would love each other, prefer each other above ourselves, and outdo each other in honor. That would make for an amazing vacation regardless of where we go or what we do.

Obedience Is Doing the Right Thing in the Right Way

Alright, so here's part two, Obedience That Understands. I hope that sometime between our last episode and now you've started helping your children understand true obedience. Hopefully they can now tell you that obedience is doing the right thing.

Anytime they don't do the right thing, you can remind them of God's expectation for obedience. And after today, you can add another important part to their definition. Here we go, number two, obedience is doing the right thing in the right way.

Let's start our discussion today by considering 1 Corinthians 11, 27 -32. Okay, so that may appear to be a strange choice for today's study, but here's why I selected it. Number one, the Lord's Supper is an example of the right thing to do.

Jesus instituted it on the night he was betrayed, but gave very little instruction concerning it, save, do this in remembrance of me. But a number of years later, the church in Corinth was abusing the ordinance.

They were using it as a time of gluttony and disrespect for latecomers. They weren't approaching it with the requisite respect and significance necessary. So Paul, under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, basically tells them that they've been doing it all wrong.

They may have said that they were obeying by observing communion, but since they were doing it in the wrong way, there were significant consequences. People were dying because of it. That's because number two, obedience is not simply doing the right thing.

As you may expect, the Old Testament teaches this principle as well. In 1 Samuel 15, 22, Samuel says,. And you might think that offering a sacrifice as they were commanded would be obedience, but God distinguishes it here.

To one degree, it would have been in accordance with God's commands if Saul had offered sacrifices to God from the spoils they took from the Amalekites, but God had specifically told them to destroy it all.

So because they weren't obeying the right way, God was not pleased. In fact, it was due to this situation that Saul had the kingdom stripped away from him and his family. It doesn't matter if you do what you're told if you don't do it the right way.

Now, we know what the right things are. Everything God commands, we do. Unless a parent tells his children to disobey the commands of God, a child must obey. But what's the quote-unquote right way? That seems to be a little more subjective.

Well, thankfully, it's not, and it shouldn't be. First, the Bible is very clear about the way many things in life should be done. An example from our three-family love study would be the beginning of 1 Corinthians 13.

In that passage, God tells us that speaking in tongues, prophesying, and even giving ourselves up to be martyred are worthless without love, talking about how it should be done. Second, again, if a parent isn't asking her child to sin, the child needs to not only do what he is told, but also do it the way he is told.

I mean, that's just obedience. But I'd like to give you three ways to help your children understand what you mean when you say, do the right thing in the right way. It was my friend Rand Hummel who introduced this concept to me, but I also grew up singing along to the exact same ideas in Patch the Pirate.

Here's what Rand taught his children, and I think most Christian parents either use this or something like this, everything you do must be done quickly, sweetly, and completely. Let's break these down.

Obedience Must Be Quick

Number one, quickly. The idea behind this concept is that you need to do what you're told within the time constraints given by the authority. Whether that means I want you to clean your room right now, or this project needs to be completed by Thursday, it needs to be done quickly.

If your child gets sidetracked playing with the cat instead of cleaning his room, he didn't.

Obey.

If your daughter doesn't complete her project by Thursday, she didn't obey. I don't have a particular passage to support this principle, but it's biblical nonetheless. You're not obeying if you're told to do something now and you don't do it now.

That's just cut and dry. I guess if we were looking for a biblical passage to describe this, I do sometimes like to joke that at least Judas obeyed when Jesus looked at him and said, what you do, do it quickly.

Of course, we know that Judas never truly obeyed. That will be abundantly clear later on, but unfortunately, that may have been the closest Judas ever came. Number two, sweetly. Whereas most parents attach kind of a timeframe to their instructions, they rarely express a desire for their child's attitude.

Now, I'm not saying there's no expectation, but I find that too many parents seem to be fine with their child's outward conformity in spite of the fact that the child clearly hates what he's been told to do.

This is an old example of a child who, after being told to take a seat, says, I'm sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside. My friends, that's not obedience. If your sole goal was to get your child to sit, congratulations, I hope you're happy.

But if you want your child to submit to God, he's no more obeying than if he spat in your.

Eye.

On the other side, many parents may desire a good attitude, but don't communicate what the attitude should be or how the child can develop the attitude. So what does it mean to obey sweetly? How do you help your children understand and develop this sweet demeanor?

Well, I believe there are four biblical concepts that will help us and our children obey with the right attitude. First of all, God commands us to be at peace. Galatians 5, Philippians 4, Matthew 5, 2 Timothy 2, 1 Thessalonians 5, Colossians 3, and so many other passages call us to the sweet soul rest of God.

We did a series called Peaceful Parenting just from the book of Philippians. It was such a beautiful series. You can find it starting in episode 69, but let's consider Colossians 3, 14 through 15 as it's super appropriate coming out of the series on love.

And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which you were called in one body. The next verse tells us to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly.

If you want to help your child obey sweetly, the word of Christ is going to have to dwell richly in them. And since most of the young ones won't be reading it and studying it and applying it on their own, you're going to have to do that for them.

Your kids will never obey if they do not love you, and they will never sweetly do what you ask if they do not love you, and peace is a big part of this. Number two, God commands us to be content. In 2 Corinthians 2, Paul tells us that he's content in weakness.

In 1 Timothy, he tells us that if we have food and clothing, we need to be content. The author of Hebrews tells us to be content in whatever we have. And in Philippians 4, Paul tells us that he's learned to be content in whatever situation.

He's in.

In addition, the commands to not covet and not steal and not lie all revolve around the idea of being content with what you have. That includes being content with your parents and what they ask of you.

The secret to this contentment is found all throughout Scripture, but I like the way Hebrews 13, 5 says it. Keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have. For he has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

So we can confidently say, the Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me? Just like the Ten Commandments, this call to contentment is rooted in the nature and character of God. If I believe what God says, I can't not be content.

Now, if you're interested in how you can help your child believe something they clearly don't currently believe, please listen to the Mirrors Christianity series starting in episode 95. Okay, so our children will obey sweetly if they do what they're asked with a contented.

Peace.

But number three, God also commands us to be joyful. Again, Galatians 5 commands joy, but I love James 2, and I think it really applies here. Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.

If that doesn't describe being asked by our parents to do what we otherwise don't want to do, I don't know what does. In fact, the trials discussed in that passage include not only the temptations to sin that arise, but the testing of our faith that comes from the high biblical expectations of our authorities.

Mature children should one day come to the place where they're able to count it all joy when authority tells them to do something. I know they're not there yet, but that's why they have us. And number four, God commands us to be thankful.

Do you remember Colossians 3, 14 through 15 that we read earlier? And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony, and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.

And the very next sentence goes, and be thankful. All these ideas, peace, contentment, joy, and gratefulness are all tied together and necessary for the others to exist. We need to help our children obey with a content, joyful, thankful peace.

That is true sweetness. Okay, so a quick review. Number one, it's not good enough to do the right thing. We need to do the right thing in the right way. Number two, obedience needs to submit to the appropriate time constraints.

We call that quickly. And obedience needs to be sweet by submitting to God's command that we be peaceful, joyful, content, and thankful, even when we're making our beds. And lastly, our obedience needs to be complete.

Complete Obedience and the Danger of Partial Compliance

Our obedience needs to be done quickly, sweetly, and completely. When I think of complete obedience, I think about Saul again when he was told to wipe out the Amalekites. Not because he was actually complete, but because he was incomplete.

But I also think of Achan in Joshua 7 for the same reasons. God told the children of Israel to destroy everything that was in Jericho, but one man took just a couple pieces of clothes and some money. It wasn't total, complete obedience.

And not only were there consequences on Achan, there were consequences on Achan's family, and there were consequences on Achan's nation. We need to stop giving our children the impression that partial obedience is true obedience.

If I tell my daughter to clean her room before she has a cookie, but she eats the cookie and goes about happily cleaning her room the way I taught her, she didn't obey. If I tell my daughter to clean her room before she has a cookie, and she quickly heads to her room and cleans it the way I've taught her, but she has a rotten attitude the whole time, she didn't obey.

If I tell my daughter to clean her room before she has a cookie, and she runs off right away with a good attitude, but she shoves her mess into a closet so she can run back and get a cookie, well, she didn't obey.

So how do we help our children do the right thing in the right way? Well, number one, as usual, we need to teach them. Do your children know the high biblical expectations God has for them? Have you explained it in an age-appropriate way they can understand?

If not, well, that's the first step. Number two, we need to remind them. The Bible is one big book of reminders. If God had said, I'm only going to say this once and you all better pay attention, the Bible would be a lot shorter and fewer of us would be Christians.

Listen, don't hate repetition. I know it can get kind of annoying as a parent, but understand that God has called you to be a repetitive parent. And number three, we need to expect true obedience. Remember what we discussed last time.

We need to know God's truth and be consistent with it if we're going to parent the right.

Way.

I know how it can feel like Gettysburg, just trying to get your child to do the right thing. By the time they do it, you're exhausted. And I'm not going to say that there aren't times we shouldn't simply be happy they did the right thing, you know, celebrate the small victory and move on.

But generally speaking, you won't help your children by letting them have a bad attitude or by letting them redefine the commands you gave them. It's appropriate to thank them for the good they did. You know, my daughter struggles with quickly, sweetly, and completely all equally.

So if I asked her to clean her room and she did a good job in the right amount of time, but she had a bad attitude, you better believe I'm going to thank her for the good job she.

Did.

Children generally thrive under positive reinforcement, but it would be wrong for me to skip the reality that she was mad the whole time she cleaned. The same thing goes for if she cleaned it quickly with a good attitude, but didn't do it completely.

By all means, yes, thank the child for what they did well. But make sure to correct the wrong and then go ahead and finish off by reminding them how much you love them and how God gave you to him to help your son become the man God wants him to be.

Again, these specific applications are as varied as the number of parents and children out there. So if you need any specific help, I encourage you to talk to your pastor or mature Christian friend. And you can always email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com.

Why Partial Obedience Is Not True Obedience

All right, obedience is doing the right thing in the right way. But what's the right way? It's quickly, sweetly and completely. But if your children only do the right thing in the right way, are they truly obeying?

I mean, I know it sounds awesome, right? I mean, not only are your kids doing the right things, but they're doing it quickly, sweetly and completely. I mean, we'd be like parents, like completely rejoicing.

But what if they do what you say, the way you say it, just so they can manipulate you into giving them what they want? I'm just going to kind of leave that question right there and then invite you to join us next time for the third part of our Teaching Your Children to Obey series when we answer that question.

And don't forget about our episode notes at Taking Back the Family. And please share this episode with all your friends. And remember that it's God who works in your children, both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

You can't parent well by yourself. You need God, and we're here to help, too. See you next time.

Truth. Love.

Parents.

Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.