Church Soup Ep 2024-06 (UMC General Conference, Grease Themed Worship, King Charles, and more!)

UMC General Conference and the Rejection of Biblical Language

Welcome back to Church Soup, the only evangelical news show hosted by both a king and a president. So take that, Gordon Robertson. Also, when I looked up that picture of Gordon Robertson, I found out that the 700 Club actually has an Instagram with over 428 ,000 followers.

So between them and Maddie in Greensboro, I'm just reminded again how apparently I have no idea what I'm doing. So please, I'm begging you, like and subscribe. Our top story. The United Methodist Church hosted their 2024 General Conference earlier this month.

They opened the conference by warning attendees to be certain to avoid any use of exclusively male language when referring to God. The irony is that they believe everyone has the freedom to choose their own pronouns, except God.

The most newsworthy moment of the conference came when they chose to repeal the church's long-standing ban on LGBTQ clergy, in addition to deciding not to penalize clergy or churches for holding same-sex weddings.

Bishop Luttrell Easterling, leader of the United Methodist Church's Baltimore, Washington conference, said if they did not vote for these resolutions, they were living beneath the life, teaching, and very being of Jesus.

That the church has been complicit in supporting a pedagogy of patriarchy that fuels a hermeneutic of hubris, while too often refusing to dismantle systems of domination.

I feel like I've heard this before.

It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous.

After the historic vote, delegates and observers gathered together and sang hymns of joy. Their choices included It's Raining Men, the YMCA, and a chorus of Elton John songs. Not really, but, and this is not a joke, they did do the conga to the song Love Train.

Now, copyright will not allow me to play the audio, but here's the video with me singing along to help you get the feel. People all over the world, join hands, start a love train, love train. I bet you felt like you were really there.

By the way, this goes on for a while. So earlier this month, if you heard a loud roar echoing from the United Kingdom, that wasn't an earthquake. That was John Wesley rolling over in his grave. Only one phrase can genuinely capture the heart and spirit of the 2024 General Conference of the United Methodist Church.

Grease-Themed Worship and the Message That People Are Already Good

I hope it was a blast for them, because it was certainly a blast for me. Moving on. Thankfully. University Christian Church in San Diego, California recently hosted a worship service based upon the musical Grease.

No, I'm not kidding.

We got to be what we feel, Grease is the one.

Summer drift at the sea.

Now, I'm not going to address the bad singing, or the fact that the overall moral message of Grease is, if you can't get the guy you want by being yourself, try changing literally everything about you.

Because what problem could that cause? But I can't not mention that the sermon is worse than anything in this ecclesiastical train wreck of a service.

It strengthens the message that this world desperately needs to hear, which is that you are all good, and that you are all loved by God. I don't want to hear any more from churches that say that you're bad, that you're fundamentally sinful.

No. God has looked upon you all and has called you good.

It's hard to know what to say when such a message is blatantly ignoring God's word, so I've asked the Church Soup senior correspondent, the Presbyterian, to come and give his thoughts. Thanks, Keith. I've decided to give my thoughts again in the form of a poem.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Performing Grease during worship is unbiblical, heretical, and nonsensical. What are you, a Methodist too? Thank you, Presbyterian, for that insightful commentary. Also, fun fact, I was actually in a high school performance of Grease.

The Viral Bear-or-Man Poll and Fear of Men

Comment below with which part you think I played. I'll give you a hint. It wasn't Sandy. Next up. In social media news, a TikTok video recently went viral asking women if they were alone in the woods, would they rather cross paths with a bear or a man?

The vast majority of women responded choosing the bear, saying that they would be more afraid of what a man might do to them. A group of bears were asked what they would prefer if the roles were reversed, and they said they would rather meet a man, because at least it's unlikely that they would ever be falsely accused of anything.

Pastor Hannah, Church Planting, and Refusing to Apologize for Beliefs

Pastor Hannah, last name unknown, recently had a video of her preaching posted online where she said she was thankful to have started her own church, so that she no longer has to apologize for her beliefs.

You know what the best thing about starting different churches? I get to be free from the entire story of my life of watching what I say, of tiptoeing around certain subjects, of being nervous about people in charge finding out that I had certain beliefs.

Okay, I have a new poll. Would you rather meet a bear in the woods or finish listening to Hannah's sermon? She may not think it's necessary to apologize for her beliefs, but she should definitely apologize for those culottes.

I agree with one Twitter commenter who said, I never thought anything could make me wish for a preacher in skinny jeans. And speaking of pink nightmares, the first official painting of King Charles III has been unveiled at Buckingham Palace.

The massive portrait has a lifelike image of King Charles' face and hands, while the rest of the painting looks like it was completed by someone undergoing a lobotomy, while simultaneously holding a fuchsia colored highlighter.

I do think this video could use one small edit.

I, Vigo, the scourge of Carpathia, the sorrow of Moldavia, command you.

Oh, command me, Lord.

Perfection. On a side note, as the reigning king of Amillennialism, and the recently inaugurated president of the Superior Theology Network, I decided to also commission a likeness of myself for the occasion.

Nice.

Apple, the Clown Emoji, and the End of the Show

In technology news, Apple stated that an upcoming device update will remove the clown face emoji because it has become a popular dog whistle used by those on the far right. Now I know I can speak for the entire reform community when I say that we're fine with losing the clown emoji so long as you give us this in its place.

What's wrong with you people?

What's wrong with you people, indeed. Thank you for watching this episode of Church Soup. If you liked it, hit the thumbs up button. And if you didn't, hit the thumbs down button twice. And if you have newsworthy articles or videos for a future episode, please leave them in the comments with the hashtag church soup.