The Role of Unity in Christian Dating

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The message of Christianity is that salvation is found in Christ alone, and any who reject

Christ therefore forfeit any hope of salvation, any hope of heaven.

The issue is that humanity is in sin, and the wrath of Almighty God is hanging over our heads.

They will hear His words, they will not act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment, when the fires of wrath come, they will be consumed and they will perish.

God wrapped Himself in flesh, condescended, and became a man, died on the cross for sin, was resurrected on the third day, has ascended to the right hand of the

Father, where He sits now to make intercession for us. Jesus is saying there is a group of people who will hear

His words, they will act upon them, and when the floods of divine judgment come, in that final day, their house will stand.

Would you say that that kind of approach to church membership and to this kind of courting process, or whatever you want to call it, is a violation of various passages of Scripture that call us to unity?

So, for example, like Ephesians chapter 4, verses 4 through 6, they say there is one body and one spirit, just as you also were called in one hope of your calling, one

Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

So you have a verse where He was basically saying, hey, you're one, you're one, you're one, not because of anything other than what

God has done on your behalf. And then later on in verse 13, it says, let's see, until we all attain the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the

Son of God to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ.

So we're seeking to, you know, the Bible says that we're seeking to obtain unity with one another in all ways.

And there's other verses too, like 1 Corinthians chapter 12, verses 12 through 13, 1

Peter chapter 3, verse 8, that are all similarly calling us to have unity with one another.

So then if we're approaching dating as essentially a, hey, look, I've got to go because, you know, because I was dating this girl and now we've broken up and I just can't be here anymore.

In your mind, is that like a clear violation of like, well, you're not pursuing unity anymore at that point.

Is that fair to say? Yeah, I think it's definitely a violation of the unity of the body for sure.

I mean, I think it's a violation of the principle of family, right? So the body is meant to be one family. So, I mean, it's very difficult to imagine a situation where, you know, you and your biological sister decide that you have unreconcilable differences and you can no longer attend church together or something like that.

I mean, unless they sinned against you in some very significant way, but the problem is that the church has a church discipline process that would presumably take care of that, right?

So in a real marriage, you know, the real marriage in the Bible is till death do you part, right?

Real marriage is till death do you part. So in that kind of arrangement, then if there's going to be like a lawful divorce, that means that one person has sinned in such a way that they need to be church disciplined and excommunicated, right?

So there wouldn't be a situation where two faithful church members who are married have an amicable disagreement and then they get divorced and then they stay in the same church.

You know, if you have a divorce that happens, one of them needs to be church disciplined presumably, right?

I mean, that's in most cases. Now maybe you could conceive of a situation where a man, you know, one of them commits adultery or whatever, and then there's some kind of disciplinary process.

They come back on the other side repentant. But then, I mean, if that all happens, maybe there's not an obligation to take them back.

But basically what I'm saying is in most situations, I mean, there could be some conceivable situation where that could happen where they're still members of the same church, but in most situations you're probably going to deal with it through church discipline and it's going to resolve itself.

But then, I mean, these are family relationships and you should be thinking about your brothers and sisters in Christ as family members with all purity.

Like that's the status that you have. Now, you know, if you have romantic intentions towards them, you shouldn't be putting those out there in such a way that if it doesn't work, you fundamentally like you're just so devastated to the point where you can never see the person again.

I mean, you should be pursuing dating or whatever you're doing in such a way that it would be perfectly fine to go to the same church with them if it doesn't work out.

No, like you shouldn't be. If you are at a point where if they say no, someone has to leave, then either you have a sinful level of insecurity, right, which is fueled by pride.

So there's some kind of sinful level of insecurity that basically means that you can no longer face them anymore because you're so deeply ashamed because they rejected you or something like that.

That's a problem, right? Either there's some kind of sinful insecurity or you're looking at this relationship in such a way that you are getting something from it that you shouldn't be.

But, I mean, everyone should approach dating, whatever you want to call it, they should be approaching that in such a way that it acknowledges the sovereignty of God and acknowledges the purpose of what you're doing is to find out if they're worth marrying, right, like if you're a good fit.

So, I mean, if you're approaching marriage in that way, not as a desperate person who's looking for validation or something like that.

If you're approaching it with the knowledge that God is sovereign and I'm trying to discern what his will is for this situation and if I find out that his will is that we don't get married because they don't want to marry me, then that's fine.

I learned something valuable there. I'm glad I figured that out. So you should have

Christians who are mature enough to be pursuing these kind of relationships with the goal of trying to find out if this is worth, like if this is going to lead to marriage.

And it should be okay, like yes or no. If it's not okay, yes or no, then you've obviously made this person a monstrous idol, right, to where you've made marriage itself an idol.

And so something significant has gone wrong there. There's no good way that you can conceive of such a situation where this thing ends and you're both like, it's just too painful to go to church.

I mean, unless they sinned against you in some significant way, but if they sinned against you in some significant way and not just the sin of saying no to marriage, if they really sinned against you in a significant way, then that would be a church discipline case.

I mean, maybe you can imagine some kind of scenario where they sinned against you in a big way and the church is refusing the church discipline and then you feel like you have to go, okay, but that's different.

That's an additional complication on the kind of question we're asking. We're not asking the question if someone sins against you in a big way and they refuse to discipline them should you leave.

Maybe in that situation, depending on what the sin is, we're asking the question if you break up, does that mean it's okay to leave because you're too embarrassed presumably or too heartbroken to face the reality of being in a church where you're not pretending like you belong to each other anymore.