Update

Hey everyone, John here. I am at a park down the street from my house, a park that I like to come at night sometimes. It's really peaceful here and think and talk and pray. And I wanted to just share an update with those who are interested in kind of what's going on with me personally.

So if you're someone who watches the channel or listens to the podcast for content, I don't really have a lot of content, though I will be sharing some of the lessons I'm learning through what's really one of the hardest times of my life.

And I just want to start off by saying how much I appreciate all the patrons out there who have continued giving to what I do and all of you out there who listen and pray and just send encouraging comments and support.

So I appreciate that. Some of you know, some of you don't, but it's been a rough week. And it really kind of started last week with carpenter ants had eaten out half my closet and there was some water damage because of it.

And so I I'm just now starting to finish that project up. But I had to rebuild half the it was a walk in closet attached to my kitchen. And I think it was the very next day I found out that one of really a family friend, but but more like family.

We were kind of adopted by this elderly woman. We called her Grandma Glately. Her name was Mary Glately. I found out she passed away. And and it's a sweet thing in a way, because she was she was older.

She was she was actually a month shy of 100 and had a really long, full life. And I wrote a tribute to her that I posted on different social media platforms this afternoon. It's short, but I basically just say that we called her grandma because I grew up 3000 miles away from my grandparents on both sides.

And I didn't know growing up what it was like to have my grandparents there for birthdays and stuff. And I love my grandparents. I mean, we travel back and we try to get in, you know, in a few weeks or a month.

You know, what we would normally do in a whole year. But we kept in touch on the phone and stuff. But but this elderly lady at my church, she was the church pianist. She let us call her grandma. And so we called her Grandma Glately and she made us pies.

And she was just there for us. She went to all my guitar recitals. She was really encouraging and probably the most gracious person, one of the most gracious people I've ever met in my life. Just focused on the positives, did not draw any attention to the negatives.

She was an evangelist. She was she just loved Christ. She's one of those elderly people who has that glow about them before they they die because they're just so godly. So anyway, it was a sweet thing in a way, but we're going to miss her.

And I know she was kind of like a mother to my own mom. And and my grandma had died when I was young. And so anyway, it was it was just a special time, but I didn't make it to the funeral. I was going to speak at the funeral and everything.

And I didn't make it because because one week ago today, my mother in law unexpectedly passed away. And I suppose I can say it wasn't totally unexpected in that she had some health problems and we didn't realize how bad her health problems were.

But she she passed away and we thought she was on her way to the hospital in the ambulance late on Saturday night, last Saturday. And we were hopeful that she was going to be fine. And then we just got the news at 2 a .m. that she wasn't.

And this is, of course, a devastating thing. I believe she was 56. She was young and, you know, she she was someone who had a great sense of humor. I remember when I first met my wife, my wife and her siblings were so uncomfortable or at least they were shy and awkward.

And I was, too, meeting the family for the first time. And her mom, Diana Romanek, is her name, was just really relaxed. And she could joke and she just she was herself and she was always that way. She really cared for people who were vulnerable or victims.

She was a second mom to, I know, other other kids. There's two actually yesterday or two days ago when I was over at the house, one came over to just pay their respects. And both of them had been really saved out of very tragic circumstances because of Diana.

And she was willing to sacrifice and fight for what was right. And so so anyway, I just I'll cherish her memory. And the word that really I associate with her more than anything else is the word home.

She loved being home. She she lived really in a small town her whole entire life. She loved that town. She loved her house. And she didn't really see any need to ever move from it. And I knew I could always find her there at all times.

And of course, now she's she's in her everlasting home. And so, you know, both of these situations are people who knew the Lord. And and so, of course, it's hardest on my wife. And there's you know, it's when something like this happens, it's more than just even the passing of the loved one.

There's usually all kinds of other things that come up. And and so it's just been an exhausting few days. And there's some other things, too, that that I that I don't need to share on here, I guess. Just just personal things with myself and my wife that all good things, but just hard things to to walk through.

And anyway, I just I just appreciate prayers for my wife, especially. We've we've drawn very close together through this entire time. And that's one of the blessings that I see in it. But she's just devastated.

And yeah, so I appreciate everyone out there who's praying, who's just sending encouraging notes and all of that kind of thing. And I did want to say part of the reason I made this video, I probably wouldn't have.

But there is a give send go set up for Diana's funeral expenses because they have to rent a fairly large tent. She knew a lot of people. Her family's not really well off. And anyway, I'm just going to put the link in the info section.

Anyone who's interested in that. My wife encouraged me today to put the word out there. And so anyway, we're doing that, you know, and the whole thing has just kind of. Led to, I guess, thinking about changes, changes that changes that I know I probably needed to make for a while.

But circumstances will will do that. They'll show you those kinds of things. And in circumstances like this where, you know, you lose a loved one, you lose multiple loved ones. Really, they really show you how hard it can be and what truly matters.

Personal Loss and Funeral Arrangements

So anyway, I'm just going to tell you a few of them because they may affect the podcast and my online presence. And I know many of you support me. Some of you support me on Patreon. And I just want to give you a little bit of an idea of what I'm thinking.

And you can certainly provide feedback. I've realized something personally about myself, and I've been lonely for years. It's hard for me to admit that a little bit, especially as a guy who's pretty, views himself as pretty self-sufficient.

You know, I joke with my wife quite a bit that I don't really need anyone, that I'm good. It's just not true. And I think it's been about five, six years at least that I felt fairly lonely in many respects.

And there's been times when I, in between, in that time that I've had friends. But I would say lately, especially since I moved back to New York, it's just been one thing after another. It's just been, I've just felt like I've got huge projects and I've got places I need to go and travel and things I need to do.

And just so much even behind-the-scenes stuff, I prioritize that. And I didn't realize I was doing it, but I think I did it even in some ways above my own church family. I went from someone who was involved almost every day of the week, well not every day, but many nights of the week, involved in ministry stuff, to someone who went on Sunday, I was involved.

I do, this isn't a confession time, I don't know why I'm saying all this, but I am involved in music ministry. I run the music ministry at the church I go to. I do some pulpit supply every once in a while there and at my wife's church she grew up in.

So I am involved in stuff. And I was, at least for the first half of the year, going to a college career group. But even that, it became so much for me to help out with that, that I started prioritizing online stuff more.

And I realized I was in sin. I think I was in sin. And I don't think that's too harsh of a word for it. I didn't realize it, it was ignorance in some ways, but I preach on this podcast how often think local.

Love the people in your community. Be the person that you need to be for them and focus on the small. And I realize in my own life, I haven't been taking that seriously, not like I should. So I've been talking about this with my wife, that's one thing I need to change.

And I actually, I have the title, at the church I attend, I'm a pastoral intern technically. I have that title, but I haven't done a lot of pastoral intern things. I mentioned a few things, but I know that I need to devote more attention to that, especially if I see myself long term going towards the pastorate.

It means that the podcast stuff, well, I'll just let you know what I'm thinking on that, I guess now. I think there's going to be less episodes, but I think there are going to be better quality episodes.

I'm really focused on putting stuff out there that will help you, but also help people in my tangible community. That's what I want to do. I have seen so clearly in ways that I have not seen in a long time, how sometimes silly, and I'm not getting down on anyone, just so you know, this is just me talking, but how silly the Twitter stuff can be sometimes.

And one of the things that I'll probably do actually is get off Twitter. It doesn't matter who or what it was, but someone posted something this morning that someone I respect, and I haven't lost respect for them, but it was the kind of thing that Twitter does to your mind.

You wouldn't say this kind of thing in normal conversation, but you'll say it on Twitter. And it's silly. It's just silly. So much of it is fake controversies. And it was so helpful to me during the social justice stuff to go on there and research what people believed, because they would post what they believed, or they'd post articles.

So I could look at what Danny Akin, let's say, at Southeastern, where I went to seminary, was saying on Twitter, and it would give you an idea of why Southeastern was going the way it was going. And that's helpful stuff, and I still think it's helpful for research and for news and for a lot of things.

And if you're someone who you're good at battling on Twitter, praise God and keep doing it. But one thing that I've just noticed for myself is I get in the fray too much, and I waste time on stuff that honestly, some of it matters, but some of it doesn't.

A lot of it doesn't. And I think my podcast quality has gone down a little bit since I got back on Twitter, too. So I don't want to spend too much time talking about Twitter, but I know some of you, that's where you get a lot of your news information, that's how you connect with even my content.

And I'm okay if my content, you know, I'm okay if the numbers on YouTube and stuff go down, because I'm not putting advertisements on Twitter for what I'm doing. That's fine with me. My wife was a little apprehensive about me getting back on it, because she knew kind of what it did to me.

How it changed me. I was always in battle mode. And Rosaria Butterfield actually said something recently about that. She said she didn't think women were fit to be, or I don't want to misquote her, but it was something along the lines of, you know, it's harder for women to be on Twitter, just because it's a war zone.

And, you know, you're getting a lot of attacks, and it's emotional. I don't know if a lot of men, though, can handle it. We all think we can, but does it change us? Does it make us different people? Are we snarky in our normal day-to-day life because we're being trained that way on Twitter?

You know, that's the thing that I've been asking myself. And I think the more time I spend on that, the less time I can spend putting together good quality podcasts, too. And also, by the way, I should say this, too.

I'm kind of tired of policing spam and inappropriate accounts on Twitter. Just before I started this, someone had posted in a group chat, I happened to catch it, that they had these likes on a tweet that they put out there.

And I guess there were some keywords in it. I think they said homosexual or something. And it was two very inappropriate accounts that liked it immediately. I think they must be attracted to certain keywords.

And I don't know if it's because I use those keywords, because I'm talking about those issues, that they're attracted to my account. I don't seem to see it much on the TruthScript account. But on my personal account, I've just gotten tired of it.

It's gotten a little better, but still, within the last two weeks, I think I've reported three different accounts. And I'm someone... I don't see it as... It's hard for me. When I'm on a social media platform, whether it's YouTube, Facebook, anything, I want to go after those accounts aggressively.

And I really don't like them on those platforms. And so I will click on the account, and sometimes I'll even report a few posts. But I'll report the account itself. And I want to make sure that the social media account gets rid of it.

And I haven't had those problems as much on Facebook. I didn't used to have these problems on Twitter much. But lately, I don't know what's going on there. In fact, someone recently asked me if I liked an inappropriate post from an account that I reported.

And I did not. Some of my friends think maybe I accidentally hit something. But I'm really careful with that kind of thing. And that also just kind of made me think, This isn't my job. I don't work for a social media company in Silicon Valley intaking complaint reports.

But I feel the responsibility that in my mentions, my likes, my follows, my spam, advertisements, whatever, if I come across it, I feel the duty to protect. I don't know. Maybe I'm a protector type. But I feel the duty to go after it.

And I just don't think it's a good thing how frequent it is on Twitter. I just don't want to be in those places. And so that's another thing, I suppose, that factors into it. And again, no judgment towards anyone on Twitter.

You feel like you can handle that. You don't feel like you have the responsibility to report those things. Maybe you don't see those things. And maybe you don't waste your time. Maybe you're not getting into silly conversations.

Maybe you use it for the right reasons. I'm not trying to judge anyone else. And I just want to make that clear. It's really just me personally. And I guess that's the main reason. It's just constant war and my pride gets inflated because of it.

More than other social media outlets. I don't know what it is. But anyway, I wasn't planning on talking this much about Twitter. So sorry. Sorry I've spent too much time on that. Let me talk about a little bit what I'm learning here.

Reconsidering Twitter and Online Ministry

This is edifying stuff, I think. And this is what I want everyone to hear. I recently started just before going through these trials. I started reading the Psalms every day with my wife. I started because someone gave me, a pastor in the local area, gave me a book of common prayer.

And they have daily Psalm readings. And I just got into it. And I started doing it for myself. Sometimes I'd listen to the chants online and read. And then I started reading it to my wife. And, of course, she didn't like the King James as much.

So I got NASB and read the same readings in the NASB. But, boy, it's grown our relationship. And I would say going through these trials over the last week and a half, some of those Psalms, David, it's like they come to life.

They're in color. And God really is good. God really is a refuge. He really does reward the righteous. He really does punish the wicked. His ways are always good. And I'm reminded of these truths every day.

And I think I'm going to stay in there for a while, the Psalms. I'm also reading through Nehemiah in my personal time. But the Psalms, I think, with my wife have just been enriching. And so I recommend maybe getting a 1662 Book of Common Prayer and doing the daily readings.

They're really, I mean, it's the Psalms. You don't need a Book of Common Prayer to do it. But there's other prayers in there, though, that are also really good. So I recommend that. I've also learned a bit about growing closer with my own wife through this.

And, you know, I love her so much. You don't think that you can grow closer necessarily until you do. And just going through hard stuff like this does that. And so that's been a blessing, I suppose. And I realize how much my church family and just friends that I haven't been in contact with for a while or we just haven't talked a lot and how much they're there for me.

And it just means a lot. It really does. And all of you mean a lot, too. Everyone out there who comments and prays means a lot, too. But, yeah, I am learning a greater trust because, you know, every night this week we've gone to bed and we don't get to sleep.

We just lay there until my wife will lay there until 5 in the morning sometimes. And it's hard for me as a husband. I'm just praying the whole time that she'd go to sleep and then she'll go to sleep and she'll sleep pretty late in the day.

It's just it's hard when your mind, it's going through grief, right? And I've had grief before. I've lost friends in tragedies. In fact, a good friend of mine in a few days is the anniversary of a car accident.

But this going through, I don't know what is different about this. It's not that it's worse or better. It's just different. Going through it with my wife, I think seeing my wife suffer so much is the hard part for me.

So, anyway, I've gotten more personal than I was planning on, and I can't help myself. I guess the whole Internet knows everything. But that's okay. I just want to say how much, again, I've said it like five times, but I love you guys and thank you for the support.

And if the Lord leads, no pressure, but if the Lord leads and you want to contribute anything, I'll have the GiveSendGo link in the info section on this video. God bless.