December 15, 2022 Show with A. M. Brewster on “The Nature of Biblical Friendship”

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Proverbs chapter 27 verse 17 tells us iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens

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on the planet Earth who are listening via live streaming at ironsharpensironradio .com.

This is Chris Arnzen, your host of Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, wishing you all a happy Thursday on this 15th

day of December 2022.

And I'm thrilled to have back on the program someone who has already proven to be a

well -informed and fascinating guest, somebody that you'll be hearing monthly on

this program now as a regular featured guest on Iron Sharpens Iron Radio.

His name is A .M. Brewster, president of Evermind Ministries, a biblical counselor, author,

podcaster, and conference speaker.

And today we're going to be addressing a very important theme, the nature of biblical friendship.

Do you have them?

Are you one?

And it's my honor and privilege to welcome you back to Iron Sharpens Iron Radio, A .M. Brewster.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, I'm really excited about this topic because, man, this has personally revolutionized my life.

Well, that's great.

And tell our listeners about TruthLoveParent .com.

Yeah, so, okay.

TruthLoveParent, or actually TruthLoveFamily.

TruthLoveParent is the podcast associated with that ministry.

Right now, I have my personal A .M. Brewster website associated with

TruthLoveParent, and we have a specific page specifically for all Iron Sharpens Iron

Radio listeners.

It's TruthLoveParent .com forward slash Iron.

So, maybe you're not a parent, but definitely go there because I put on extra content for you guys

that builds off of what Chris and I talk about.

Our past interviews are there with all of the resources associated with that, as well as resources for

today's discussion.

Great.

That's TruthLoveParent .com forward slash Iron, right?

Correct.

Correct.

And we'll be, God willing, repeating that later on in the program.

One of the reasons why this is a very important theme is that

friendships can be one of the most crucial areas where the metal is tested

as to one's Christian faith, as to one's commitment to Christ.

Just as a marriage is, friendships, if they are close and

not superficial, or surface -level, or very distant friendships,

friendships typically go through a roller coaster ride if you have them long enough.

They test your patience.

They test your ability to forgive.

They test a lot of things that are primary areas of the Christian life

because the closer we are to people on this planet, the more likely

they will offend us, we will offend them, and we can

betray friendships, we can be betrayed by friends, and the list goes on on

how these things occur in our lives that sometimes leave lasting scars, but

also have enabled us to weather the storms of life

when we have a solid, loving, Christ -like friendship.

It can get us through the roughest times in our lives, including the death of loved ones, or

even people who are they themselves dying, and of course

sharing the most wonderful, joyful, laughter -filled moments on Earth

are always best spent with friends.

So tell us why this particular subject compelled you to

want to discuss it today.

Well, so I am in my early 40s, but I have moved

over 20 times in my life.

Before I was 12 years old, I had never lived in a state for more than four years or a house for more than two years,

and so when you move around that much, especially at a young age, friendships and things like that are all

desperately important to you because you leave your old friends and you're afraid of making new friends.

Will I be able to make new friends and things like that?

So that was much of my life.

I didn't really slow down very much as I got older.

I spent some time in my teen years in Michigan, but then into college, and there was a lot of moving thereafter.

I think I met someone around 22 times, and I don't know how many different churches I've visited and been part of,

but as I've grown as an adult, and I've really started to see that friendships are not

just something to be consumed for our own pleasures, but that God has a specific role for these

friendships in our lives, then I started to realize that, man, oh man, for various

reasons, I had really missed out through much of my life on the

benefits and the glories of true biblical friendship.

And so as I started to really pursue that and understand it, I started to realize that true Christ -honoring

biblical friendships, unfortunately, at least in my life, and I think in the lives of many people in this world, are

fewer and further between than we like to think.

And as a biblical counselor working with various individuals, I have found that this tends to be

the case for them.

And one of the most evident ways this shows itself in my biblical counseling is that people will come to me not because

they're in crisis, but because they have questions and they have needs that technically

a biblical friend should be there to answer for them and help them with.

But because they don't have that in their lives, they're reaching out to a stranger to get these

answers.

Yeah, I think it's interesting that one of the very aspects

of the betrayal of Jesus Christ was that the key figure

who is known globally by nearly everyone, even non -Christians,

Judas, is known as the one, the primary one,

who betrayed Christ.

And Christ was his friend that really elevated and magnified the

depth of this betrayal.

And people will be called, even to this day, a Judas if they

betray a friend.

This could be, and I know I've experienced the deep searing

pain of the betrayal of people I thought were my friends.

Tell us where and how Christians should

specifically develop biblical friendships and how these friendships might differ

from other areas in life where the same word is used, friend and friendship.

Sometimes I think we probably overuse that word

where we should really be using the term acquaintance.

We use the word friend.

But tell us about how we are to develop not only biblical

friendships for ourselves, but how we are to develop in our own character and

behavior what it takes to be a biblical friend to someone else or other people, plural.

I think you hit on something really important about the understanding of what friendship is.

And I'd have to say that what I have found is that for most Christians, our vocabulary is more

inspired and informed by the world's usages than it is God's usages.

And I always want to encourage people to get back to a biblical dictionary, right?

That means that our vocabulary, we need to use our words the way God uses words.

And the word friendship, I think we call lots of people friends who aren't.

I mean, my daughter is a perfect example.

She's three years old.

When she was three years old, 10 years ago, she'd go play at a playground.

She'd meet some child.

And next thing I know, she's introducing me to her new friend.

And to be honest, I don't believe that we adults get too far away from that.

And here's the reason why.

Honestly, in America, in English, to refer to somebody, to introduce somebody else to

someone and go, hey, this is my acquaintance, that almost seems rude, right?

So I think we overuse the word friend because there really isn't another good word that we feel comfortable

using, you know?

So I think that's part of the problem.

So getting back to a biblical understanding is very important.

I do want to say I found this, and I'm not going to read the whole thing.

You can go to truthlouparent .com forward slash iron to get more information about this.

But this young lady, an unbeliever, Sidney Sider Mobina Ahmad, she created this six

-stage friendship acquaintance theory.

She looked at her own life, and this thing is amazing.

It really is fantastic to read through how she works through all the people in her life.

She's got various levels, six stages.

There's pre -acquaintance, acquaintance level one, acquaintance level two, acquaintance level three, pre -friend, and then she has

her friend stage.

And her friend stage, she says, only makes up 1 % of the people in her life.

And I think this young lady, she says, we're too afraid of the word acquaintance.

And we need to stop because 99 % of the people in her life, she puts into some form of an acquaintance category.

So the first question we have to ask is what does the Bible really say about friendships?

But there's one more caveat I want to get to before we answer that question, and that's this, we as

Christians need to understand the power of influence.

Influence is not a word you find a lot in the scriptures.

It shows up every now and then.

But the power of influence in our lives is, it's

everything.

So if God exists and we have mankind, if he were just like a

deist God and set the world spinning and then stepped away, never influenced us, never spoke to us, never gave us his word,

we would be lost.

We would have no way of knowing him.

But the fact that God has written the scriptures, the fact that Jesus Christ came,

the fact that the gospel can be spoken, the fact that Christians are supposed to be light and salt speaks to the fact that

influence is desperately necessary.

We come into this world dead.

We don't know the truth.

We're enemies of God.

We're running from him.

We need to be confronted by the opposite.

And since the reality is that, generally speaking, the people whom we call our friends are some of

the biggest influences in our lives.

When we recognize the power of influence, how easily it is for us to lead us the wrong way or to lead us the

right way, how necessary influence is.

I think about God not only commanding us to spread the gospel, but also the one another's.

That is a relationship of influence in each other's lives.

When we see the power of influence and then we recognize exactly how much power we hand to these

people that we call our friends, it should sober us up.

There should be a level of sobriety that drops onto our shoulders when we recognize, wow, I'm giving these people

a lot of influence in my life by sheer virtue of the fact that I consider them to be a

friend.

So with that foundation laid, number one, I think that many of us completely misuse the word friend.

We overuse it in a similar way like we do the word love too often.

But then secondly, the deep and abiding reality that influence is universally

important in our lives.

And we need to be very careful to whom we hand that influence.

Then we have to ask, okay, what does the scripture say about friendship?

And I think the answer is actually very simple.

The answer to that question is friends are people who love you.

But unfortunately, that doesn't answer our question because I just said that love is also an overused word that we use

too much the wrong way.

But when we understand love from a biblical perspective, and I'll just sum it up here, love is, biblically speaking,

wanting and working toward God's best interest in the life of the person you love,

whether they want you to love them or not.

And that understanding of love, and you couple that with the idea of a friend, a friend is someone who

biblically loves you.

I promise you, you're going to look at the friend list that you have, and you're going to realize that it's going to

get a whole lot smaller because the friends that you hang out and all you ever do is talk sports,

it's going to be hard to see them as somebody who's wanting and working toward God's best interest in your life.

If all you ever do is talk about sports, if all you ever do is talk about work, if all you ever do is talk about

your hobbies, you guys go fishing every weekend, but you never talk about the single most important part of

your life, your relationship with God, can that person really be

considered a friend?

Now, someone may argue semantics.

Oh, Aaron, that's semantics.

It's completely appropriate to say that somebody is your friend who is an unbeliever

or somebody who maybe all you ever do is fish together, but you don't really have that.

You don't dig deep into each other's lives and talk about your relationship with God.

It's okay.

You can still call that person your friend.

And maybe you can.

Maybe you can.

But here's my question.

Then how do we distinguish between those types of friends, the ones who aren't necessarily biblically loving

you, and the biblical ones?

You need to be able to grapple with that.

I think it's dangerous when we just take everybody we know, everybody we like hanging out with, throw them into the exact same

pot and call them all friends.

And again, I hearken back to the reality that influence is so powerfully important

in our lives.

You know, the scriptures say that bad friends have a very negative impact on us.

Bad company corrupts good morals.

We understand that iron sharpens iron.

We understand that people faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy,

those are destructive.

We understand the power of words.

We understand all of this.

So I think we Christians, we need to be far more, I'll say, discriminating when it comes to our understanding of

friendship.

I'm assuming one of the ways in which that very fact

is revealed is whether or not someone that we

call our friend and actually maintain a friendship with, whether or not

that relationship is bringing us closer to Christ or further away from Christ.

I have a tiny handful of people on this

planet that are not Christians that I actually consider friends.

One of them is really the only person from high school

who remains in fairly regular contact with me, and I'm saying probably

twice a year, maybe a little bit more.

But this friend, Blake, has never

been an influence in a negative way to me.

He was the only friend that really supported and encouraged me when I

became a born -again believer.

I can even remember when I first quit drinking because I

was notorious as a young man, as a drunkard, how much he supported me in that

choice because his own father was a drunkard, and he believes that was an

element of his father's life that led to an early death for him.

He died of a heart attack, I think, about the age that I am right now.

I think he was about 60.

And then the flip side of that coin, as I seek to be a friend to Blake,

I am always talking about the Lord with him.

I'm not talking about incessantly, like nonstop, because I think that we have to

appeal to the interests of friends and so forth when we're having conversations, and I'm not talking about appealing to

sinful interests, but we can't be evangelical

robots either.

But he knows that the most prominent element of my

character and life is my identity as a Christian.

And so how do you respond to that when I am speaking of somebody who I do consider to be

a friend, somebody I know who would give me the shirt off of his back, and

actually has been in some ways kinder, more compassionate and encouraging

than the majority of Christians I know personally?

So how do you describe something like that?

Well, first of all, I just want to start by saying that I like to give us clear extremes, help us to

see the bookends of an issue.

The reality is we struggle with this concept of friendship.

We flounder in the murky middle because we don't have a clear conception.

So I do want to stand by what I said earlier, that a friend wants and works toward God's best interest in your life.

And I would say that a friend who is consciously working toward that is going to be a better friend to you than someone who

unconsciously works toward that and to Blake.

Praise God for Blake.

By God's common grace, you know, Blake is encouraging Christ -honoring behavior, has encouraged Christ

-honoring behavior in life, whether he believes in God or not.

So for example, to encourage you in getting away from alcohol.

Awesome.

That's fantastic.

And that would fall in line with God's will for your life.

Now, here's the key thing.

I'm not going to speak specifically to yours and Blake's relationship, but let's say this.

If I'm dealing with a young person and they have a Blake in their life, somebody who isn't deliberately

leading them astray and who actually deliberately is encouraging them to get good grades and to do their best on the

football field and to stay away from drugs, right?

Is that person a good friend?

And I would have to step back and I would have to have some warnings in there.

Because even though Blake or someone like Blake seems to be encouraging

all the right things and discouraging all the wrong things, there is a very dangerous reality to that.

And it's very similar to most children's programming on television.

Now, a lot of children's programming nowadays is going to the dogs.

But before, let's just say like Scooby -Doo, right?

These people, they are friends and they're beating the bad guy every time.

Every episode is these people are growing in their friendships and they're meeting new people.

And the bad guys are always losing because of those pesky kids, right?

But here's the delusion, here's the lie that creeps into our minds and

especially young children.

I can make these friends and I can overcome the bad guys and I can thrive in a

relationship and I can do all of this stuff at school and I can be the superhero

without God.

See, Blake, one of the things interesting about him or some people like him, I don't know Blake, so if Blake, you're

listening, I'm sorry.

But people like him is that they're doing a lot of the right things, but they're doing them for the very wrong reasons.

And the very fact that a person is exemplifying to me or just to say a young person,

how they can live a quote -unquote noble life, how they can live a quote -unquote good life,

but without God being in the picture, that is in and of itself a negative example.

So I would say that if somebody is a mature Christian and they have a Blake in their life who

is really an all -around good influence and that mature Christian is not going to be

influenced to have a low view of God and think that I can live a moral life

without really needing to make God the focus, then I would say that would be okay.

But I would say that would be a very dangerous friendship for young people because young people who are not discerning,

young people who already struggle with their own self -centeredness and self -worship, when they are surrounded

by quote -unquote friends who are encouraging them to do good things, but they're doing it for godless

reasons, I have seen far too many a child fall into that self -worshiping trap and they become little Pharisees.

I remember one of the most powerful

sermons my first pastor, Mike Gaydosh, preached.

He was my pastor when I was plunged into the waters of baptism by

him, having been raised in the false religion of Roman Catholicism and

later discovering biblical truth in the gospel.

And by God's grace and mercy, who opened my eyes, ears, and gave me a new heart,

I came to the true gospel and was transformed by the grace of God.

Pastor Mike Gaydosh was that key figure as a minister and a brother and a

friend and a mentor and a counselor, etc.

But he had a sermon that I could still remember the title, and I remember how profoundly it

impacted me.

Jesus, a friend of sinners and separate from sinners.

And he went into the depths of how Jesus, while he

was in the presence of tax collectors, prostitutes, and other sinners,

to demonstrate the fact that he was a loving and

merciful and yet sinless being, he

extended friendship toward people like that and demonstrated

so profoundly more than any other human could compassion and grace

towards these people.

And yet, he didn't become like them.

He didn't imitate them.

He called them to imitate him and was there

to call them out of darkness, out of the enslavement to their sin.

I can even remember vividly having a conversation with someone who

professes to be a Christian, identifies himself as a Christian, but the man

has not been a member of a church in decades and uses profanity,

uses drugs, and abuses alcohol.

And he has chastised me that he was more like Jesus than I am

because look at who his friends are.

They are the dregs of society, the sinners.

And I said to him, yeah, but keep in mind, you behave like them.

Jesus never behaved like them.

Now if you want to pick up where I just left off there.

Well, okay, so I think what you're touching on here has to do with the reciprocity of friendships.

And I've done this.

I've spoken on this topic in chapels.

I've spoken with adults, and I've polled people over and over and over again, and I asked the question, is

friendship reciprocal?

And over 90 % of the time, 90 % of the people are going to say yes, friendship is reciprocal.

If they're not my friend, I'm not their friend, especially the younger you get.

I mean 100 % of young children and young teens will say yes, of course.

Friendship has to be reciprocal.

I mean I can't be friends with my enemy, right?

But that is a secular understanding.

You've just touched on the fact that biblical friendship is not reciprocal and that there's a huge difference

between being somebody's friend and having someone else be your friend.

Proverbs 17, 17 deals with the fact that a friend loves at all times.

John 15, 13 through 14, greater love has no man than this that he laid down his life for his friend.

So to be loving is to be a friend, okay?

Romans 13, 8 tells us, owe nothing to anyone except to love one another.

I am expected by God to love everyone.

And I'm sure most of your listeners are familiar with the fact that the Bible says multiple times, Jesus himself tells us that we need to love

our enemies.

So an enemy is someone who wants my hurt, okay?

They don't love me.

Am I allowed to not love them?

Well, no, of course I have to love them.

That's exactly what Jesus was doing.

Jesus loves everybody.

He is everyone's friend, if I can put it that way.

He is everyone's best friend.

He sticks closer than a brother.

And that's exactly what we are called to do.

We are called to be everyone's friend.

We are called by God to love everyone, therefore wanting and working toward God's best interest in the life of everyone

that we meet, whether it's my spouse, whether it's the lady ringing up my groceries at the grocery store,

whether it's some stranger that I meet, somebody in my church, I owe them that.

Therefore, I am to be everyone's friend.

That doesn't mean, however, that everyone is my friend.

And that's the key thing.

Now, again, if we're going to define friend as we like to hang out together or they like me or things like that,

then if we're going to use that mushy definition of friend, well, then we're having a different conversation.

But I'm talking about the fact if that individual doesn't biblically love me, then they're not biblically my

friend, but that doesn't mean that I should not be their friend.

And we have to go to our first break right now.

If you have a question for A .M. Brewster on friendship, please send it to ChrisArnzen at gmail .com, C -H -R -I

-S -A -R -N -Z -E -N at gmail .com.

As always, give us your first name at least, your city and state of residence, and your country of residence if you live outside the

USA.

Only remain anonymous if your question involves a personal and private matter, and I could readily see this kind of a

subject evoking questions that do involve very personal and

private situations and involve people that we would not want

identified on the air, obviously.

So in that case, we would not only give you permission to remain anonymous, we would encourage you

to be anonymous.

But if it's just a general question on what the Bible has to say about friendships,

please give us your first name at least, your city and state, and your country of residence.

Don't go away.

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we're now back with A .M. Brewster we are discussing a very important theme

today as I've already mentioned this is the nature of biblical friendship.

Do you have them?

Are you one?

Our email address is chrislonson at gmail .com.

Chrislonson at gmail .com.

Give us your first name at least your city and state and your country of residence.

Before I go to any listener questions I was wondering what your thoughts

are on this particular area that we've already brought up.

We know that Jesus was a friend of sinners.

We know that he was separate from sinners but the Pharisees, his worst enemies did not

distinguish those things.

They believed that Jesus must have been himself a sinner in some way for him to

have friendships with these sinners.

Whether they actually believed that or not is really another matter but they accused him of being a sinner.

And so as we as Christians want to imitate Jesus we

should make sure that we are extending love and compassion and benevolence

to the lost in addition to cultivating Christian friendships with solid,

theologically sound dependable, reliable brothers and sisters in Christ.

But when it comes to new converts especially when the new convert is a younger person

do you advise that there at least be a season in that person's life where

they as much as possible refrain from having close connection

and close relationships with the unbelievers who may drag them backward

into the sin that they abandon.

Great question and in short, the answer would be yes.

I would definitely encourage that when somebody is saved out of any sin whether

it's alcoholism.

When I say saved out of any sin obviously our salvation from death to life is all about what Christ has done with us.

But often times, especially as it happens later in life there are a number of other life -dominating sins that are a

fruit of the fact that we're living separate from God.

So we use terminology like saved out of such and such.

But yeah, somebody who has come to know Christ and they have been born again and they

are trying to break these life -dominating sins that have been associated with their self -worship and they're now

trying to give God what He deserves.

We often times rightfully encourage them.

Now you separate yourself.

Chris, I'm sure you can speak to the fact that when you were trying to stay on the wagon I hope we're going to use that

terminology early on it would have been very foolish for you to go to a place that was serving

alcohol because you weren't mature enough you weren't strong enough to

push back on that temptation.

And I would say the exact same thing would be true for a young person who was saved out of the world and I would just say

a spiritually mature person because if they hold on to all the same friends and they go to all the same places and

listen to all the same music and entertain themselves in all the same way they are not helping their spiritual

growth.

They're really just distracting completely from it.

Okay, we have an

anonymous listener.

The anonymous listener says I am encouraging my children who

are in their teens and early twenties to first pursue friendships with people

that they may one day intend to marry.

And I was wondering how we are to counsel our young people to

pick the correct friends of the opposite sex that may wind up being

candidates for such an important step such as marriage.

Very good question.

In fact, before you even answer that I've got to look something up because it's one of my

favorite quotes by J .I. Packer and let me see here.

Okay, I've just found it and I want you to respond to this as well and let me know if

you love this quote as much as I do.

J .I. Packer said the Puritan ethic of marriage was first

to look not for a partner whom you do love passionately at this moment

but rather for one whom you can love steadily as your best friend for life.

Then to proceed with God's help to do just that.

I put that quote in cards every time a

close friend brother and sister in Christ announces that they've become engaged.

And that's a routine for me, a tradition for me to put that quote in there.

But if you could respond to not only that but also to the listener question.

Sure, yeah, no, I love that quote.

I love it because again it speaks to the counterintuitive nature of biblical friendship.

It flies in the face of what the quote on quote average nominal professing

Christian thinks about love and romance.

For sure, we've been far more influenced.

There's that word again way far more influenced by the world's understanding of romance and attraction and all of

that.

I think what this anonymous listener is doing, I think is very valuable.

In fact, when I speak to young people sometimes in questions about, you know

I do a workshop called when do I get my man or when do I get my woman.

Depending on my audience.

And this always comes up.

What does the Bible say about what we would consider a dating relationship or that pre -engagement, right?

They're more than a quote on quote friend and more than a friend.

But we're not engaged.

We're not married yet.

What does the Bible say about that?

And to be completely honest the Bible doesn't speak to those categories using those words.

The Bible has a couple different categories.

First of all, there's the husband and wife category.

And you know what?

That applies to only the husbands and wives.

I don't care if you're engaged.

I don't care if you're dating.

I don't care if you like each other.

The passages that apply to husbands and wives specifically, generally don't apply to those people who are not married.

Then there's a question of whether or not from there on out.

It's a question of whether or not the person that you're relating with is born again or not.

The Bible is very clear how I'm supposed to be relating to someone who is not saved.

I'm supposed to have an evangelistic light and salt relationship with them drawing them to Christ.

And if the person is born again the Bible is very clear about what my relationship with that person is supposed to be boy or girl.

My responsibility to them is identical.

I'm supposed to be helping them become more like Christ.

I'm supposed to be engaged in their discipleship.

I'm supposed to be loving them helping them to love God more.

This is easy to picture in your mind so I wish I could draw this out for you.

But if you just picture a triangle in your mind and I think lots of people have encountered this illustration.

If you put God at the top of it top of that triangle and you put yourself at the bottom corner and the

person that you're interested in romantically in the other corner.

The only way that those two dots on either corner of the triangle can actually get closer to each other is

not to try to span the distance at the bottom of the triangle that actually doesn't work.

History has shown us over and over again.

Experience has shown us over and over again that that doesn't work.

If I'm living for you and you're living for me and we come out somehow meet in the middle those

relationships are doomed to failure because we shouldn't be living for each other.

However if I'm living for God and I'm encouraging my girlfriend or my

fiance or anyone in my life to live for God then those dots on the triangle

slowly start moving from the bottom corners up toward the pinnacle up where God is.

Then the distance between those two dots also gets smaller.

Maybe you have to go home and draw it out to see what I'm talking about there.

But that's a silly illustration to exemplify a very important biblical truth.

Relationships grow closer as we biblically love each other as I am sharpening you as I am

drawing you toward Christ as I am encouraging you in your walk with the Lord that is going to

deepen our relationship.

I love the book of Philemon.

I turn to Philemon quite often in biblical counseling especially when there's conflict resolution issues.

In the book of Philemon we know that Onesimus Philemon's servant had stolen from him and had

run away by God's sovereign grace.

Onesimus had run into Paul in Rome.

Paul had led Onesimus to the Lord.

Onesimus now is returning back to Philemon with a letter for the church in Galatia as well

as a letter for Philemon from Paul himself and Paul is basically in this personal letter to Philemon

encouraging Philemon to be reconciled with Onesimus.

But here's the part I really really love.

It's a short letter but there's so much powerful truth in it.

But the part I really love is this.

Paul is sitting here in prison kind of imagining why this whole situation

has come about with Onesimus.

And he says in verse 15 for perhaps he was for this

reason separated from you for a while that you would have him back forever

no longer as a slave but more than a slave a beloved brother.

Especially to me.

But how much more to you both in the flesh and in the Lord.

And the point I'm trying to make here is that there was a breaking of relationship.

Onesimus stole from Philemon and ran away.

But Paul is suggesting in this verse here that if they can reconcile the

relationship they will have after the fact will be stronger than it ever could have been

before the fact.

And I see that so often in biblical friendships not that we encourage sin so that we can be

reconciled.

God forbid.

We don't encourage sin so that grace may abound.

But oftentimes we look at sin in a relationship as being the death knell.

Right.

It's what's going to end the relationship but God says.

No.

If you can do what's in each other's best interest if you can be reconciled draw each other to Christ and mature

together.

That is the foundation of the strongest relationships and your relationship will be even stronger.

After the fact.

Than it was before the sin ever occurred.

Wow, amen.

In fact we have to go to our midway break right now.

Please be patient with us.

It's the longer than normal break because Grace Life Radio 90 .1 FM in Lake City, Florida requires of us a

longer break because the FCC requires of them to localize

their programmers geographically to Lake City, Florida.

While they do that we air our globally heard commercials.

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Contact as many of our advertisers as you can and when you can't

purchase anything at least say thank you for sponsoring Iron Trip and Zion Radio.

Also send in your questions to A .M. Brewster.

To chrisarnsen at gmail .com.

Give us your first name at least your city and state and country of residence.

Don't go away.

We'll be right back with A .M. Brewster right after these messages.

Have you noticed the gap that exists between the Sunday morning sermon and the Sunday school classroom or the small

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May God bless you.

It's such a blessing to hear from Iron Sharpens Iron radio listeners from all over the world.

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Going back to 2005 one of my very favorite guests on Iron Sharpens Iron is Dr. Joe

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Last but not least if you are not a member of a christ honoring biblically faithful theologically sound doctrine only solid

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That's also the email address where you can send in a question to a .m. Brewster and we are discussing

friendship today.

More specifically we are discussing the nature of biblical friendship.

Do you have them.

Are you one.

And that email address again is chris arnson at gmail .com.

Give us your first name at least your city and state and your country of residence only remain anonymous.

If your question involves a personal and private matter.

Okay.

Aaron before we go to any of our listener questions uh what is a litmus

test.

Uh to determine whether or not you have friendships that reflect

a biblical model.

And then you could move on to a more personal issue.

Are you this kind of friend.

Yeah.

Very.

Important question.

So first of all i just want a quick reminder anyone joining us as well.

Truth love parent .com forward slash iron i have a lot of resources there uh for you to check out because this

topic of biblical friendship some of the things i'm saying may sound absolutely like off the wall counterintuitive.

Crazy even.

Um but by god's grace i'm not the only one saying it.

So i have some podcast resources there that i've created.

But there are also some podcast resources there created by other people.

There are a number of articles that i have linked as well as john mccarthur has just a slew

of sermons about friendship and i have those linked to there as well including

some ancillary resources.

So please check that out because this is an extremely important conversation.

Do you have friends.

Are you a friend.

A biblical friend as god would define it.

And one of the things that to answer your question question chris excuse me i did a

a series on this on the celebration of god and the third episode of that series was called identifying fakes

and on that episode i referenced something that paul david tripp had

written and he called seven trademarks of an unhealthy friendship.

And i'm just gonna read through these quickly to kind of wet your interest as you're and get your brain going about your own

friendships.

But number one does the relationship have a tendency towards self indulgence.

Well if it does then it's just really all about you and it's not really about god.

Number two does the relationship have a tendency toward deceit.

Are there lies being told in the relationship or are there lies being told to other people that the

person that your quote -unquote friend is encouraging you to tell.

Does the relationship have a tendency toward anger.

Does the relationship have a tendency toward selfishness.

Number five does the relationship have a tendency toward unhelpful communication at truth love parent .com forward

slash iron i have at the very bottom a related resource all about communication type of communication that

christian friends should have.

Number six does the relationship have a tendency toward division.

And seven does the relationship have a tendency toward an unforgiving spirit.

And he works through excuse me Ephesians chapter four at each of these points in

this article that he wrote great questions to ask ourselves.

But it's in Ephesians chapter four where it talks about the fact that god created the church to build itself up

specifically by doing three things.

Number one submitting to the authorities the pastors that he's given us who are there to equip

us for the work of the ministry.

But then two to do the work of the ministry in two different ways by speaking the truth and then speaking it

in love.

And that is discipleship that right there is biblical friendship.

Now I don't have to be I'm sorry I'm going to mute myself for one second clear my throat and then I'll just be right back.

Please excuse me.

So we've talked a lot about about this.

We kind of hinted at it you know does does a biblical friend only ever talk about god.

And obviously I think the answer there is no but a biblical friend.

We there are a lot of things to talk about.

I'm a friend with my wife.

I'm going to have a date with her shortly after we finish up here we're going to go out and we're going to talk about lots of different

stuff.

But my wife knows me and she knows that I'm striving to everything that I speak and everything that I do to

submit it to Christ.

I want him to be the one who gets to decide how I live my life my entertainment choices

what I eat and so on and so forth.

And so as I strive to to live in a way that glorifies God.

It's a fulfillment of what we see in Christ.

Words be salt and light so that people when they see your good works do what they glorify your father who's in heaven.

Well how are they going to glorify my father who's in heaven if they don't know that I am a follower of Christ and trying to

please him.

They can't do that.

They won't do that.

So this question about whether or not I'm being a good friend is am I speaking truth in

love so that you yourself are being built up in Christ.

If that's the case I'm one of the best friends you have.

If you're doing that for me you are one of the best friends that I have now again I mentioned earlier that I've moved around a lot

and some of my greatest my dearest friends are not people I spent the most time with but people who have had the biggest impact on me

spiritually.

And it's reciprocal to the degree that you know I I I'm the best friends to the people that I

have helped them to grow spiritually.

And what's really interesting is a biblical counselor.

People complete strangers will come to me.

They will come to me in brokenness.

They will come to me in crisis and in need and by God's grace will open his word.

And they'll find healing.

And they'll find truth to meet them.

I'm speaking truth in love to them.

I'm being a friend to them.

And oftentimes it's people that I've met with a biblical counseling who I have the strongest relationships

with.

Why.

Because that relationship brought us together on the things that mattered the most.

Now that doesn't mean again that the guy I go fishing with every weekend that I'm you know I'm I'm not his friend because I'm not helping

him through some big crisis in his life.

But I should be speaking truth in love into his life.

I should be being salt and light in his life.

I should be drawing him closer to Christ.

If I am I'm being the best friend possible.

And here's here's the key thing we need to stop being easy on ourselves.

Can we just stop giving ourselves passes right.

If I'm not doing what is in your best interest.

I'm hurting you.

If I'm hurting you I'm not being a friend.

I'm being an enemy.

So this this I'm about to bear my heart here and share one of the biggest struggles that I have.

I speak often.

I speak to large crowds.

I speak when I want I counsel.

But sometimes when I'm just out in the world to do living my life you know going shopping or whatever else it is very

easy for me to not get into redemptive relationships.

I can very easily connect with people and connect with them about their interest and start straight up a conversation with nearly every person any person.

But oftentimes and I do that well I believe because I'm focused on them asking them questions talking about what interests them.

But oftentimes when that's a person's an unsaved individual it doesn't naturally from their

side come to Christ.

And so oftentimes I'll walk away from that conversation haven't encouraged them.

There are a lot of artists around where I live and a lot of people who also like to get out into nature to hike

and do things like that.

So we'll talk about their interests.

And then 30 minutes have passed and we'll go our separate ways and I'll go oh my word.

I never once spoke to them about the thing that mattered most.

So in that 30 minutes while I was encouraging them and we were laughing and they felt so built up and they really enjoyed the

conversation.

Was I really being a friend to them.

Well if I never see that person again the answer is no.

I was an enemy.

I had the truth I had what they needed most.

I had God's best interest for their life.

And I was right there.

They were there and I didn't share with them.

That is not friendly behavior.

That's enemy behavior.

And when I've started to clearly delineate those two ideas a friend is someone who draws people closer to Christ and an enemy

is someone who doesn't.

Man oh man I start to see the enemy behavior in my life.

I'm an enemy when I sit against you by choosing to do you harm.

But I'm also your enemy when I sit against you by not leading you to Christ as I should.

Even if we had a great time watching the game even if we had a great time fishing even if we had a great time talking about work around

the water cooler people still do that anymore.

Even in those situations I wasn't your friend if I didn't if

I didn't draw you closer to Christ now again really quick.

No Chris to hand it back over to you.

Maybe we have a question.

I do want to specify again I'm not saying that every word that comes out of our mouth has to be about Bible has to be about God.

It really the the type of relationship it is will will define how frequently I need to talk about

that with a complete stranger.

This is my one chance on an airplane or or at a coffee shop to speak to this person.

The necessity of me getting to the importance of the gospel is desperately important.

The right away I can't afford to not get to that.

This might be the one time I ever talked to them.

But in a longer relationship you know there there are ebbs and flows and there's more

leniency.

But there's more nuance to that.

And again if the person knows that I'm following after Christ and I'm living in such a way that glorifies

God.

They're going to see those good works.

And they're going to give glory to God.

Because they already know they recognize because of all the conversations we've had before that I'm trying to.

Live for him.

Okay we do have a listener question.

We have another anonymous listener who wants to know how can we

tactfully warn someone who is a friend but who is smothering

us with their attention and demand for our attention and company

to the point of even being a borderline stalker.

Now wait a minute.

Is this dr. James R. White of Alpha Omega Ministries.

I told you that I would back off.

No I'm only kidding.

That is a good question.

Because we may be people that we really do care about and love.

We don't want to destroy the relationship.

But I'm not talking about a stranger that's getting creepy in our lives and following us and stuff.

And I don't think the listener meant that either.

But how do you be so tactful and yet

to a degree firm where an actual change is made before that actually does destroy the friendship.

So.

As I was listening to the question my biblical counselor mind was kicking into gear and I recognize the fact there's a lot behind

that question.

Okay there there is a relationship dynamic that I don't even begin to necessarily

completely understand or at all to completely understand.

But I can guess at some some things a relationship with a person so likes us

that they are they're taking our time that they are always you know seeking us out that they're quote -unquote

smothering us.

I mean that I've seen this live itself out in various forms.

Oftentimes it's it's a result of immaturity on the other person's parts.

They they really like us.

Or they idolize us or they want to.

You know I don't want to be like us which is a little like like idolizing but maybe not as as a as dramatic a word.

So therefore they see us and we're almost like a celebrity to them.

And to be honest I sometimes in a very limited sense of encountered this sometimes I've had the

privilege of talking to somebody on the phone is a longtime listener of my podcasts and they'll say

things like I can't believe that I'm talking to you.

And right you know so and then they're all excited.

So there are a lot of different reasons why things like that can happen.

And most of the time it's not bad now if a person is smothering me

they have bad intentions that I would have to get a lot more information about that type of relationship to really give a quality

answer.

So let's just assume that this person just really likes you and they just kind of they just kind of take all

your time.

If they maybe they see you at church and there's always hanging on you.

It's like you can't go meet the new visitors and you can't have a conversation with the pastor because this person is right there.

How do we how do we work through that.

Well if you guys haven't figured it out yet I'm a very straightforward individual really Ephesians 4 15 is one of my life verses as

first Corinthians 10 31 whether we're eating or drinking or talking with somebody we need to do all to the glory of God.

And God has commanded us to speak the truth in love.

And here's the thing far too often and I in biblical counseling I encounter this all the time.

The reason that we don't say the thing that we should say in the way that we should say it is either ignorance or fear.

That's pretty much it.

We either don't know what to say or we're afraid to say.

And we're afraid to say because we're afraid of hurting them we're afraid of how they might respond.

But I have found that the single best way to deal with these issues is to speak the truth in

love.

An example of this is I used to work at a Christian school and I was the dean of students so I was involved in a lot of

corrective discipline of the students.

And a friend of mine who was also taught there and he was and is actually still a friend of mine.

He said to me one time he said Aaron I just don't understand it.

I see these parents walk into your office and they you just tell they're so angry you're like they want to punch you in the face.

And then a few minutes later 20 minutes later they're walking out of your office and you guys are hugging and and there are

tears.

It's like what is going on in there and I said well David honestly with if you

genuinely love somebody's child like you actually biblically love them and you are striving to

do what is in their best interest.

The parents may disagree with you on what you were doing but they can't help but appreciate

the fact that you genuinely love their child.

And when I when I've sat there in those situations with parents or with other people in difficult situations and I've just said hey man I just want you

know I really appreciate you as a person.

I'm thankful that God has brought you into my life.

I know that you are in my life because God wants to use you to grow me and God wants to use me to grow

you.

But at the same time I have to ask myself the question are there other people that God wants you me to use and

to grow.

You know have you noticed that the past few Sundays in church you have been at my arm

the entire time that the pastor wasn't preaching and though that was great in so many ways

it also kept me from having to have it being able to have some really important conversations with other people

and you say well wow Aaron you're just being straight to the to the point and that's true but I hope you also can hear my voice.

And if you saw me face to face see on my face the fact that I mean every word I say I value you as a person.

I value this relationship but I there are other things that I need to be doing the things that you should be doing

maybe as part of that conversation I'm equipping them I'm helping them to see that hey you know what there's this other young person over there they're

not nearly as friendly as you are.

They're kind of shy and I think it'd be really awesome those times that you're not hanging out with me and talking with me you go talk to that

person.

I'm equipping them to to be a good friend to other people.

Now perhaps you know the examples I'm giving are nowhere near the the listeners real

situation who knows the age difference and who knows whether or not the person that has the same sex as they and

all that kind of stuff.

There are so many caveats so many things involved in that question but I would just say simply in all of our relationships

it is always best for us to speak the truth in love.

We need to do that.

And that is what is going to result in us building each other up.

Excellent.

And that reminded me of something that I have witnessed

and perhaps have even been the guilty party especially years ago

involving this is I have seen

folks I know get really angry and have even come to the

point of subsequently slandering people.

For instance maybe a guest speaker that you have come to

preach at a conference at your church.

She is very well known or she is very well known.

Not that she would be preaching of course but she might be speaking at a women's group.

But the person is a published author a well known conference speaker

you know that radio or television evangelist etc.

And when that person has to break away from a conversation

or just give a very brief few words to somebody who has approached them for an

autograph on their book that they have written or whatever else the person wants to

communicate to this well known individual.

When the person has to be fairly abrupt even if they are polite.

I have witnessed people just be really nasty.

Not to the person in their own earshot or to their face.

But who have come to me and said that person is a phony that person they are not really acting

as a Christian.

They won't even give me the time to discuss a book that I am writing you know you can go

on and on with the things that they say don't.

We have to be very patient and learn

that we are not the center of the universe even though we think that these

famous people view themselves that way.

And we could be very wrong about that.

But when these people are being bombarded with with

people wanting their attention after a speaking engagement they need to not

only have time to respond to other people and communicate and greet other

people that are there.

Sometimes they just need a breather after they have just poured out their hearts and minds and souls

at a speaking engagement like a conference.

Anything you care to add to that?

Yeah I would say that is very unfriendly behavior obviously.

You know no one would want us to be to treat us that exact same way you know owe

nothing to anyone except to love one another.

For he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the whole law.

Love hopes all things and love believes all things.

You know that person maybe they seem to short with me for some reason but I should hope all things and

believe all things.

You know.

And if they actually have sinned against me that does not justify my sin.

Okay that is that person is being my enemy.

So I get to be their enemy.

Well the biblical reality is I never have permission to be anybody's enemy.

Never ever I owe that person love.

Even if they are my enemy I'm supposed to do what is in their best interest.

So the reality is we're myopic selfish idolatrous people.

And we like to find reasons to be offended.

Because if we are our God right if we are our own God and you do something I don't like I have the right to throw

lightning bolts.

Right.

But the that's not biblically accurate that's not true at all.

And so we need to be a patient with people.

We need to be willing to give them the extent of them the same grace that we would want them to extend to us.

So yes we too often we are not friends.

And in fact it is in our most critical our most complaining moments that we're

actually the worst friends.

Like that that person may have been an enemy to us.

They may have done something wicked to us but our response is no less it is filled with no less animosity

toward them than there's were to us.

And we don't have a leg to stand.

On in that moment we have Arnie in Perry County

Pennsylvania who asks.

There are people involved in ministry who I believe sometimes

far too frequently use as an excuse to not being more

attentive to your own needs the fact that they have wives

and children that come first in their lives now.

I wholeheartedly agree with that that their wives and children do come first

but I'm talking about the person who habitually uses that as a reason not to

respond to somebody who might be in distress or an urgent need of pastoral counsel

care at a spur -of -the -moment situation.

How do you respond to that.

And this was Arnie correct.

Yes a or n ie.

Thank you Arnie.

For that question I tell you what man that that actually hits at one of the main points I wanted to make today and that is

that is this discipleship is not happening in

the Christian Church the way it should be.

And yes I'm going to say that I'm going to say it dogmatically.

I'm going to say it when we paint with a broad brush I'm not saying that's not happening at all.

I'm saying that generally speaking that is the one area of corporate worship where we fail.

Yes we go.

We listen to the preaching yes we pray yes we sing.

But are we one another.

Are we speaking truth and love into each other's lives while we are there.

Are we discipling within the context of the church corporately and then individually outside of the church.

And the answer is no.

We're not.

Again.

I've moved around a lot and I think in many ways that has been part of this process that you know people feel like

they have to get to know a person before they're.

They're considered close friends and able to speak truth into each other's lives and all.

Of course all that's not true.

It's more more excuses that we have.

But man I have not been discipled face to face truly biblically discipled in most of the churches I've

attended and I've attended fantastic churches so that's us in the pew we need to

judge ourselves.

Are we really engaged in life -on -life discipleship biblical friendship relationships with people in our

churches.

And we need to start with ourselves.

And when you realize that we have a lot of excuses for why we don't do that.

And pastors do too for sure pastors do.

In fact oftentimes I have found that the pastor seems to be the person involved in the least amount of one -on -one discipleship.

And oftentimes it has it comes down to that I can't judge them all of course.

But I've seen pastors who are just rather antisocial people.

I've seen pastors who don't use their time wisely.

I've seen pastors who have bad priorities.

They're just like us.

Okay.

All the same reasons that we're not discipling people are the exact same reasons that they're not discipling people.

So I would say let's start with ourselves let's deal with the log in our own eye that we can see clearly to deal with the sliver that's in

their eye.

And then we need to deal with it.

Because guess what Arnie if you've encountered a pastor who's like that then one of the best ways that you can be a friend to

him is to speak truth and love to go to him and say hey man.

I really appreciate the influence you've had over my life.

I appreciate that your sermons how you open up God's truth but I just want to kind of

put something to your ear.

I want to challenge you on this idea you know as our shepherd right.

There have been times I have come to you in deep need and you know maybe there should maybe there should be other people in the church who can

help you with this and I haven't found them.

And if you want to point me to them I'd love to speak with them.

But I've been hurt and I've been looking for help and I've come to you.

And it seems that you never have time to to help me to disciple me to help me in this situation.

And I just I just want to encourage you that I view you as my spiritual leader and my

the under shepherd.

And if I can't go to you can you at least help me go to somebody else and so on and so forth so many different things that we could say.

But don't justify not being his friend.

Don't justify pushing away from him and stiff arming him because he's not being the friend he needs to be to you.

Remember friendship is not reciprocal.

And animosity is not reciprocal either.

We are commanded to be everyone's.

Friend and you mentioned something in that

answer and I may be using a different term just because of a poor

memory but I think you said something about the pastor might not be a people person is that what you.

Said yeah I said I said antisocial but yeah people.

Person's good they should have and find a different calling then don't you know.

I would agree.

I really would.

I mean that that if a person is just in love with the sound of their own voice

and they love being in a point standing in a point of elevation behind a pulpit

above a crowd and demonstrating their great oratory gifts

and demonstrating their brilliant knowledge of scripture but they

have no compassion care concern love

for the people to whom they are speaking and preaching and teaching they

should be really finding themselves more of a vocation involving

being an author or whatever else they want to use their gifts to

glorify God.

Or they really have to overcome their mindset and behavior of being antisocial.

One of the others got to go.

I mean.

Right.

Yeah exactly.

And I would say to your point obviously that's one extreme.

Obviously there's a certain arrogance and egotism to that that position.

For sure.

I think there are some people though who just truly love exegeting the word and they truly love preaching.

But they struggle with interpersonal relationship and that's not a pass.

It's just it's not that they love to hit the sound of their own voice and they don't like people.

It's just that they like many other people in your church likely are.

Quote -unquote.

Shy or a little awkward.

I mean as somebody who deals a lot with parents every single time I meet a child and I think to myself what kind of a parent

would have a kid like this.

The moment I meet the parent I'm always like oh that kind.

Okay you know.

And so maybe that pastor had awkward parents and that that pastor they love God and they love

God's word and they do love people.

But they're just they.

Honestly they're awkward.

I've encountered many people like that and what we need to do is we need to love them.

And we need to help them.

And they need to grow.

And that's an area of maturity that they need to grow in.

I myself by nature because we're growing up was very much of an introvert very selfish and very

very much of a loner and I've had to learn to to love other people.

And to be honest we all do regardless of our personalities.

We all have to learn to love other people and to love them well and to prefer them.

Above ourselves.

Well we have to go to our final break.

It's going to be more brief than the other breaks.

If you want to send in a question we do have a few folks waiting to

hear their questions asked and answered by a .m. Brewster but if you want to get in line

please do so as quickly as possible because we are rapidly running out of time.

Send your questions to Chris Arnzen at gmail .com.

Chris arnzen gmail .com.

As always give us your first name at least your city and state when your country of residence only.

Remain anonymous.

If your question involves a personal and private matter don't go away.

It will be right back with a .m. Brewster right after these messages.

James.

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Of Iron Sharpens Iron Radio and am Brewster we have

another anonymous listener who says.

What is your best advice to people especially during the holidays who

you are home alone and heartbroken over the loss

of a loved one in your life whether it is through death divorce or other reason.

Yes the breaking.

Of relationships can have a huge impact on us regardless of why the relationship has been broken

whether due to sin or no fault of anyone like as in death.

I would encourage you to do the exact same thing I would encourage everyone to do.

That is to turn to Christ.

Jesus is our greatest friend he is our creator he is our king he is our God.

And this is not meant in any way to sound trite.

Too often we we slap that criticism on such counsel but the reality is true.

How are we to have perfect peace.

Our minds need to be stayed on him.

Also I would say that in those times when it's very easy for us to be tempted to look inward to focus

on what we have lost it's very amazing for us to focus outward and to to

serve other people.

To prefer others above ourselves to outdo each other and showing honor to owe other people love.

And when we do that when we're serving other people it's very hard to be focused on that that

repeating real in our mind reminding us about how lonely we are and how friendless we

are at this time.

And remember he who has friends must show himself friendly.

So that loss in your life no doubt as leaving quite a big hole.

But by God's grace he wants other people in the church to lift you up and to build you up and encourage you.

And one of the best ways to get those relationships going is to start one.

Yourself and of course on the flip side of that I'm sure you would

agree that those of us in the body of Christ who are surrounded by

friends and loved ones during the holidays especially we have to really

contemplate and start drawing up a list.

Even who is it in the congregation or in the neighborhood that I can

drop by with a plate of food I can invite them over my own home for

a time of fellowship a time of feasting a time of

rejoicing and celebrating the holidays you know where we are taking the initiative

rather than the person who themselves is isolated in their home that may

even become during the holidays feeling like a prison.

Exactly amen are.

We being the friends we should be when we don't even know the people in our church people in our communities well

enough to know what they need.

How can we how can we do what's in God's best interest in their lives.

If we're completely ignorant of it it should know we are finite.

We can only invest in a certain number of people but you know the scriptures have a good advice for that as well.

There should be people who are more spiritually mature than we are investing in our lives.

There should be people at the same level spiritual maturity that we're sharpening one another.

And there should be people in our lives who are lower down younger in their spiritual maturity that we are bringing up too often.

We surround ourselves with that middle group and we don't really put ourselves under the more mature

group and we're not really seeking out the people who need our help the way we should.

And I think we need to get more attention to those two.

Extremes.

Well I want you to now have some uninterrupted time to summarize what you

most want etched in the hearts and minds of our listeners about this topic today.

Well when it comes right.

Down to us we get like I said earlier we need to deal with the log in our own eye.

It's really easy for us to hear something like this in the past judgment maybe even accurate judgment on the people in your lives.

Who are those fake friends.

People who are enemies people who aren't loving you and discipling you the way they should.

It's always easy to play the victim.

It's always easy to focus on that.

But I would encourage us to really focus first and foremost on us and God's expectations

for us.

That is the the biggest thing that the biggest takeaway.

And so the reality of the situation is this.

What does God expect from us as we relate to various individuals in our

lives.

Well first of all all of our relationships must be redemptive every single one of them.

That means that if the person is not born again it is our responsibility to be focused on

evangelism.

That is the best way we can love them it is to be speaking that truth and love to them drawing them to Christ.

If the person is born again we need to be focused on discipleship.

It's not just about hanging out it's not just about enjoying each other's company.

It's about we have a limited time on this earth.

God has left us here and he's left us here for two reasons.

One to bring others to him and two to mature in our likeness of Christ.

And so we need to be helping each other do that.

So we all of our relationships need to be redemptive.

That means I rather focus on evangelism or discipleship and we're never allowed to be

anyone's enemy.

We have to love people.

And the last thing I would say is this as we started off the show the question ends up being what they're oftentimes negative

influences our lives and influence is huge.

So what do we need to do in order to make certain that we are responding properly to the right influences

and responding properly to the wrong influences we have to we have to really manage those.

We have to make sure there are lots of great influences in our lives.

And we need to submit to those influences when they speak God's truth and God's love.

And that doesn't mean that we disconnect completely from all bad influences.

Obviously we need to be in the world but not of the world.

We need to be like Christ being a friend to the publicans and the centers.

But we need to make certain that we're not allowing them to influence us in the areas that doesn't

doesn't please the Lord.

We are there in that relationship to draw them to Christ.

We love them.

We're not superficial with them.

We're genuine with them.

But we also are not giving them permission.

And what I mean by that is I'm in my brain recognizing the fact that this person

should not have a big sway over my life.

I don't go to them looking for certain kinds of advice and things like that.

I need to manage that influence as I continue to be a good influence on them.

And if we're doing that if we're in redemptive relationships and we're managing those influences in a way that glorifies God you will find that your

relationship those are friendships with people will deepen I will and be a better influence a better impact

on you and on the other.

Person.

Well I want to make sure that our listeners have your websites

and the other contact information that they will need to keep in touch with you and

to learn more about you and to benefit in a greater way from your ministry.

I know that one that we have announced this truth love parent calm and that's forward.

Slash iron.

Right.

Correct.

Yeah.

There's a two other websites that might be interesting to you.

Another ministry of ever mind ministries is the celebration of God.

If you go to celebration of God calm that you can.

Lots of resources there about personal discipleship as well as am Brewster.

Calm.

That's where people like to reach out to me if they're interested in having me come and speak at their church.

Or school or camp.

Yes and I would strongly encourage you to do that.

And I want to remind our listeners please with the Christmas season

coming up or we're actually in the Christmas season but with Christmas Day coming up and not far after that we have

Valentine's Day.

We go to Royal Diadem calm if you are interested in purchasing jewelry either for yourself

or someone you love.

And for a limited time we don't know when the cutoff point is but for a limited time

iron sharpens iron radio is receiving 100 of the profits from all sales

by Royal Diadem calm for that limited time.

So please make sure you visit that site and mention Chris Arnson of iron sharpens iron radio.

And of course don't forget one of our premier our primary

sponsors solid -ground -books .com solid -ground -books .com

and purchase books for yourself and for those you love.

For Christmas and any other occasion books can be a primary way

that the Lord leads the loss to himself and also further equips his

true children so that they may be even more ready to give an answer for the hope that lies within them.

So solid -ground -books .com always mentioned Chris Arnson of iron sharpens iron radio when making a purchase.

I want to thank everybody who listened especially those who took the time to write.

Of course I want to thank am Brewster for being such a superb guest.

Once again I want you all to always remember for the rest of your lives that Jesus Christ is a far greater Savior

than you are a sinner.