The Holy Estate Of Marriage And The Command For Divorce - [1 Corinthians 7:10-16]

Bethlehem Bible Church

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May 15, 2011

00:00: Don't you know that God likes order, God likes order, and he's used the church, he's used the family, and he's used the government to keep that order on earth.
00:14: Three divinely decreed institutions to keep order, the church, the family, and government.
00:23: So it shouldn't be shocking to us that if God likes these things to help with order,
00:30: I think Satan would not like them. I think it would be easy to say if God is trying to keep order through government, through the church, and through marriage, that Satan would like to tear down government, church, and marriage.
00:42: And you look at government, and you look at churches, and you look at marriages, and that's what we often see.
00:49: I read this week how divinely ordained marriage, the holy covenant of marriage, is being attacked, assaulted.
01:00: Dr. Abloh, Kenneth Abloh, Brown University graduate, John Hopkins School of Medicine, and faculty right in our backyard,
01:09: New England Medical Center in Boston, co -author of a book with Glenn Beck, Beck Glenn, and on the
01:18: Fox News Medical A -Team, here's what he has to say about marriage, quote, it's a source of real suffering for the vast majority of married people.
01:37: He's not, quote, not certain marriage ever did suit most people who tried it. From what
01:44: I hear, Abloh said, in my psychiatric office, and from what I hear from other psychiatrists and psychologists, and from what my friends and relatives tell me, and show me through their behavior, and from the fact that most marriages end either in divorce or acrimony, marriage is a source of real suffering.
02:05: By the way, I'm here to tell you that I'm happily and joyfully married. So there,
02:11: Abloh, just kidding. As a healer, Abloh said, I can't look askance at anything that depletes energy, optimism, mood, and passion to the extent that marriage does.
02:23: It is, without a doubt, one of the leading causes of major depression in the nation. I'm depressed even just reading that.
02:31: Smart, aware people feel consciously or unconsciously disempowered from the moment they say,
02:38: I do. By the way, if you don't say that, you're not smart or empowered. You see how he phrases that.
02:44: Once human beings understood that they could express themselves emotionally, romantically, and sexually without necessarily creating multiple families and perilously dividing their assets, the psychological pain of living without sexual passion was significantly intensified.
03:02: In other words, once the pill came along, you do whatever you want, no consequences. The vast, vast majority of men and women, the doctor says, in fact, are no longer physically attracted to their spouses after five or ten years.
03:19: That's being kind, he says. I don't know, this guy must be on a different planet because after 22 years, my wife is still a fox.
03:28: I just want to tell you that right now. If you're a visitor here, welcome to No Compromise Radio Ministry.
03:38: Human beings are not just built, are just not built to desire one another after we have flossed in the same room a hundred times and shared a laundry basket for a thousand days.
03:49: We should come up with something that improves the quality of our lives and those of our children. Isn't that sad?
03:57: That's sad when God makes marriage for his glory and for our good.
04:02: The good, generous, gracious God, giving marriage to his people as a good gift, as a kind gift.
04:10: Out of his lavish grace, he gives good gifts. And so what does the world say? If God gives something for good, then it's not good.
04:19: If God creates by divine fiat, well, then evolution must be true.
04:25: This guy happens to be a life coach and he can motivate you to lose weight, find love, dramatically improve your relationships, and find financial freedom.
04:33: And now I quit quoting by the way he does that, probably through getting you to divorce your spouse. Let's turn our
04:40: Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and see what God says. And I think you'll see that God says marriage is good, marriage is divinely created, marriage should be permanent, marriage is holy, and it's for the good of society.
04:56: It's wonderful, healthy, excellent. And we've been going through 1 Corinthians, and right at chapter 7,
05:02: Paul begins to answer some questions that the church of Corinth had. He was dealing with issues in the church, immoral behavior in the church, lack of unity in the church.
05:13: And then in chapter 7, verse 1, he says, but now concerning these things. You have written me some questions.
05:19: We don't know what those questions are, but we do know the answers. And the answers begin in chapter 7, verse 1 and following.
05:25: And we've been working through a series here, in chapter 7, dealing with marriage, dealing with singleness.
05:33: And today we'll zoom in on 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 10 through 16, that talk about the permanence of marriage.
05:42: E. Lawson said, 50 years ago, parents were apt to have a lot of kids. Nowadays, kids are apt to have a lot of parents.
05:53: The book called Divorce, How and When to Let Go by John Adam and Nancy Williamson says, quote, your marriage can wear out.
06:01: Like an old Buick, I guess. People change their values and lifestyles. People want to experience new things.
06:08: Change is part of life. Change and personal growth are traits for you to be proud of.
06:14: I just kept thinking of Isaiah calling wickedness good and good wickedness.
06:20: Change and personal growth are traits you should be proud of, indicative of a vital searching mind. In other words, if you're not ready to throw away your spouse, you don't have a searching mind.
06:30: You must accept the reality that in today's multifaceted world, it is especially easy for two persons to grow apart.
06:36: Letting go of your marriage, if it's no longer fulfilling, can be the most successful thing you have ever done.
06:45: Getting a divorce can be a positive, problem -solving, growth -oriented step. It can be a personal triumph.
06:54: Well, if your number one goal is happiness versus holiness, then maybe these people have a point.
07:04: There's nothing new under the sun. Two thousand years ago, a
07:10: Jewish man wrote, a wife, a bad wife, is like leprosy to her husband. What is the remedy?
07:15: Let him divorce her and be cured of his leprosy. Another man said, if a man has a bad wife, it is his religious duty to divorce her.
07:26: It's sin to divorce your wife if she's bad, this person says. And today, we have all kinds of people out there getting divorces for irreconcilable differences, for another relationship, because they're bored, because they say they're incompatible, they're not in love anymore, they need more zing, marriage is not meant to be this hard.
07:48: But what does God say? As I said last week, when you hold up the Bible, this is the Bible.
07:54: What does God say? Doesn't He know best? Doesn't He know what is good for us and what's the best for His glory?
08:00: So today, we're going to look at chapter 7, verses 10 through 16, about marriage and divorce.
08:06: And I want to say from the very beginning that if you're divorced, the
08:11: Bible says there's forgiveness for divorce, doesn't it? For those who have been divorced, of course there's forgiveness.
08:18: There's forgiveness for every sin. Aren't you glad for that? I'm very, very glad. And by the way, if you're not a
08:23: Christian today, may I say that you could have a perfect marriage and be married for 50 years and still go to hell without Christ Jesus.
08:31: Marriage isn't a sacrament. Marriage does not get you to heaven. Matter of fact, it's harder humanly for people with good lives and good marriages to see their need for a
08:40: Savior because they think everything's good. Their life's good. Their spouse is faithful.
08:46: And they think, you know what? It's more difficult humanly because if you think you're sick, you don't need a physician.
08:53: This week, I was riding my bicycle. It was last Monday, matter of fact. And I'm riding my bicycle, and I've been putting out buying new tires for quite some time.
09:00: I'm 10 miles away, and I begin to feel like I have a shock absorber on the back of my bicycle.
09:06: And you know that means you're getting a flat. So I pull over. I put my spare tube on.
09:11: The spare tube that's brand new is defective. I take my patch kit out to patch my bad tube, and my patch kit is defective.
09:20: And it is bad to be a bicycler and have to call Mommy. Oh, Kim, you think you can come pick me up?
09:30: So she came and got me, and I just was just bugged about it when things break and don't go right.
09:35: So finally, I thought, well, you know what? She took me back home. I fixed the bike, and I said, I'm going to go on a ride anyway.
09:41: So I rode, and about at the 10 -mile spot from the second ride, there was a lady looking at directions.
09:48: And I always see people at this corner looking for directions because the soccer field down the straight two miles, when you type in GPS soccer field, it sends you to this corner.
10:00: And every time I turn around that corner, I see people going like this, and I say, can I help you? And I said to this lady, she's probably 55, in the car by herself,
10:07: I said, do you need directions to the soccer field? She said, no. I said, okay.
10:15: My glass is on, you know. I haven't shaved for a while. She said, but I do need help getting to the 495.
10:21: I need to go to Taunton. I said, oh, I can help you. And she said, but don't I go up there? And long story short, she said, okay, thank you very much.
10:30: And I said, well, while I'm here, I said, I'm a Baptist pastor, and I'd like to know one day when you die and stand before God speaking in directions, how are you going to get to heaven?
10:41: She said, because I'm a good person. This is kind of like a wretched radio joke or something,
10:49: I'm thinking. Because I'm a good person, I said, now to summarize the whole conversation, I said this.
10:56: Boy, God the Father sure was a vicious father to punish his son like that for people who could get to heaven on their own.
11:04: Oh, she said, no, don't talk that way. And I said, okay. I said,
11:10: Jesus, who owns heaven? Says nobody's good. Well, my
11:17: God's a God of love. I mean, how could I write such a thing? Because I hear it all the time. I said, God is a
11:22: God of love. That's why he sent his son to die for sinful people. I said, matter of fact, this is the tone of the conversation, not exact quote.
11:31: You say you're good, and you're not going to heaven. She's doing that. And I say in my heart, at least
11:38: I've committed adultery, murder, and I'm a liar, and I'm going to heaven. How does that work?
11:46: It's like, does not compute. That's what she was doing. Now it's about time to put the car in driving again.
11:52: She's going to drive off. I said, listen, I'm sitting here getting eaten by mosquitoes. I'm just trying to tell you the truth. You can drive off if you want, but the least you can do is just listen to the message.
12:01: And here's the message. And I talked about how God sent his son to die in the place of not good people, but of bad people, because they could never get to heaven, because you fall short of the glory of God.
12:13: And how Jesus perfectly obeyed the law, and he was raised from the dead. And your responsibility, lady, is to look to Christ and not your own goodness.
12:24: And the whole time I'm thinking, why was I bugged that I got a flat tire? Because this is all divinely orchestrated.
12:30: This is perfect. She's about ready to drive off.
12:38: It was 5 .30 at night. And I said, turn your radio to 7 .60 a .m.
12:44: Now I would have given a million dollars if it would have been 3 .30. A million. I said, turn your radio to 7 .60
12:52: and listen to what they say there about heaven. I said, by the way, Monday to Friday you'll hear another voice at 3 .30.
12:59: It's my voice. And I'm going to be telling you the exact same thing on the radio that I'm telling you now, that there's forgiveness found through Christ Jesus.
13:07: People know they're bad, so they need a Savior. I would have loved it if it would have been 3 .30.
13:13: She turned it on and heard my voice. That would have been the best. So she said, thank you.
13:21: I said, thank you. And then I gave her the wrong direction, so she'd have a trial and have to call to Jesus on the way home.
13:28: The way of the transgressor is hard. That's the wrong direction. Go that way. No, just kidding. I told her the right direction.
13:34: Here's my point though. When it comes to marriage and divorce, you can have no divorce in your past.
13:40: You can be married now, but if you're not born again, if you're single now and you're not born again, it doesn't matter.
13:46: And Paul is writing to the church of Corinth, the people who were rascals. They were sinners. And he says, you can have forgiveness found in Christ Jesus.
13:53: And in light of forgiveness, then respond. Christian ethics, Christian sanctification is
13:59: Jesus paid it all. Say the rest. All. To him I owe. In light of the cross, how do
14:05: I respond? And so that's the gospel and that's Christian living. It's not work really hard to keep your marriages together.
14:12: Yes, in light of the cross, work hard to keep your marriages together. And so Paul is going to say in 1 Corinthians 7, verses 10 to 16, it's going to give us three strands.
14:21: I've called, uh, called them three strands of biblical rebar to reinforce your view of marriage and divorce.
14:28: According to the scriptures, not what the bot, not what the wisdom says on TV or Fox news or anybody else.
14:34: I want you to think biblically about divorce and remarriage. So three strands of rebar to kind of undergird and to reinforce you in this age where the world says, forget it.
14:45: I call it the Elizabeth Taylor age of divorce and remarriage. Right?
14:50: How many times? Eight times. I don't know. Back in the Bible days, Marshall, the Roman poet says a woman had 10 husbands one after another, after another juvenile said he had a one woman had eight husbands in five years.
15:03: Jerome talked about a woman who was married to her 23rd husband and she herself was his 21st wife.
15:13: Juvenile also said, this is a right around 100 ad that women wore out their bridal veils with so many marriages.
15:24: Just like today we need God's divine revelation. So the first strand of biblical rebar found in first Corinthians seven, 10 to 16 is this.
15:34: If you're a Christian and you're married, don't get divorced. If you're a
15:39: Christian married to another Christian, don't get divorced. Let's read verses 10 and 11 because that's where the first strand comes from to the married.
15:50: I give this charge. Not I, but the Lord, the wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife.
16:06: Rebar. Number one, if you're married to another Christian as a Christian, you must not get divorced.
16:14: Now, Paul has been fairly toned down in his delivery here.
16:20: He's been fairly kind in his approach, very pastoral singles, married couples, but do you see kind of the change here?
16:29: You see the change of tone to the married. I give this charge. I'm going to give you this charge.
16:36: This is a non -negotiable. The whole tone, the tenor changes right about now.
16:43: Now, maybe some people were advocating celibacy in marriage. Maybe, but I don't think that's the big deal.
16:49: Maybe some people were divorcing to remarry others. That's probably true, but not the main issue.
16:57: What Paul says is this. He's going to address ladies three times first and then the men and versus 10 and 11 ladies, ladies, ladies, that is brides, brides, brides.
17:08: Then he's going to say something to the husbands. What's going on here? Here's probably what's happening before the people got saved.
17:15: The husband, the, the, the husband to be the man who was not a husband yet was a totally promiscuous, horrible.
17:24: May I say the word pervert of a man? He was very, very grotesque when it came to sexual immorality.
17:32: And therefore, now this person is married to that man.
17:39: And even though that man's a Christian, all that baggage is back there. And so the woman's thinking, is it right for me to still be with this man?
17:47: That's got to be the context. Is he really washed? Is he really sanctified chapter five?
17:54: You're supposed to avoid sexually immoral people. My husband is a Christian now, but he used to be immoral.
17:59: And if Paul says in chapter five, avoid immoral people. Am I supposed to get divorced? And Paul's going to say no.
18:07: He's going to say no. And what does Paul do? He, like any good apostle, when
18:15: Jesus has spoken, he appeals to Christ and what Jesus has said. Do you see the text? Verse 10 to the married.
18:21: I give this charge. Well, not I, but the Lord, what does that mean? Jesus has already spoken about the subject and they are very familiar with the subject.
18:32: The current Corinthians, no Jesus talked about divorce or remarriage. And so I could give you this as an apostolic charge.
18:38: I am Jesus's sent apostle, but I could also say, this is what Jesus said. You all know what
18:44: Jesus says about divorce. Therefore, I'm going to tell you and remind you what Jesus said about divorce. So that's what he means there.
18:49: I think the ESV does a good job putting it in parentheses, not I, but the
18:54: Lord at Bethlehem Bible church. We believe that all the Bibles, the red letter edition, either through Jesus's direct words are through his prophets are through his apostles.
19:04: It's all inspired. So Paul is going to appeal to Jesus's authority. Say, well, you know,
19:10: I'm not getting my needs met. I'm not happy. I appeal to Jesus's authority who made you and who made your marriage.
19:17: You may not get divorced. Not I, but the
19:22: Lord. Why don't we turn to Matthew, excuse me, Mark chapter 10, because it would be fair to say, well, what did
19:30: Jesus say? So let's go back and have a nice review. Mark chapter 10. What did Jesus say about marriage and divorce?
19:37: I think that would be important for us. If he's the one that designed it, he's the one that created it. He's the one that we answer to.
19:44: And in light of the cross, we want to live before Christ. What does Jesus say about divorce? Fascinating.
19:50: When Jesus deals with the false teachers, because if someone knows they're sinful, he's kind to them.
19:56: He's nice to them. He's generous to them. But to people who think they have their own righteousness, the self -righteous, he blisters them.
20:06: And so what happens here with the Pharisees and with these people? Verse 1 of chapter 10.
20:13: And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond to Jordan. Crowds gathered to him again, and again, as was his custom, he taught them.
20:23: Pharisees came up, and in order to test him asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? By the way, they want to focus and harp on divorce.
20:32: Jesus is going to focus on and harp on marriage. He answered them,
20:38: What did Moses command you? They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.
20:45: Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation,
20:52: God made them male and female. Jesus is now moving this conversation to a higher level, not divorce but marriage.
21:01: It was God's idea, God's plan, God's decree, God's divinely orchestrated plan.
21:07: But from the beginning, God made them male and female.
21:16: Literally a male and a female. That's God's best. That's before the fall. That's good to be reminded of when we live in this society where all the divorces are going out there and we think, based on the bell curve, where do
21:28: I set? Well, where you need to set is, it's good that God created marriage. Verse 7,
21:35: Therefore, because of that, because of the nature of this divinely orchestrated and ordained thing called marriage, holy covenant of marriage, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.
21:50: Leave behind. Forsake. By the way, that was originally given to Adam and Eve, who neither of them had any parents.
21:57: Find that interesting? No parents to leave, but a good pattern. A good pattern for us all.
22:04: The marriage has higher priority than any other relationship in the world. Higher than your kids, higher than your stepkids, higher than anybody else.
22:15: Priority over even your parents. And you know this language, but it's good to be reminded.
22:21: Verse 8, And the two shall become one flesh. So they're no longer two, but one.
22:28: This union that no one could break apart. Two become one flesh.
22:34: Joined. Yoked. Glued. Cleaving. My old pastor said,
22:42: Every marriage and every child is a creation of God. And therefore, divorce and abortion share this tragically evil common denominator.
22:50: They kill a creation of God. If you are pro -life,
22:57: I hope you are, then you should be consistent when it comes to marriage as well.
23:05: You want God's best? Verse 9, Mark 10, What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
23:16: For us, we have divorced, married, and in the middle, separation. Only two categories in the
23:22: Bible. You're either married or you're divorced. And here's the synonym for divorce. It's separate. It's not, well,
23:28: I'm going to go live in another house for a while and see how we do away from another. That's not a biblical concept. Here it's, if God has joined these together, glued these together, brought these together, then let no man separate them.
23:39: For what reason? For divorce. They were one flesh. Now you're going to separate that. That means divorce. Marriage is permanent.
23:46: That's the idea. You don't want to dissolve a divinely sanctified thing.
23:53: Monogamous, heterosexual, permanence. That's what marriage is. You know the text in Malachi 2,
24:00: For I hate divorce, says the Lord. I think Luther had a way of saying things, and I like this.
24:07: Listen well. I have such a hatred of divorce that I prefer bigamy to divorce,
24:13: Luther said. Verse 10 of Mark. Chapter 6.
24:20: And in the house the disciples ask him again about this matter. By the way, for those who think, you know what, it's better to get divorced.
24:31: Better to just get out of this trouble. The trouble that they get into is even worse than the trouble that they're in.
24:38: And he said to them, Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.
24:45: As one man says, The divorce is a sacrament of adultery.
24:53: And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. Jesus is blowing their minds in many ways because in this patriarchal society and with these rabbis, the women were second place, and here it's the woman who does these things, here it's the man who does things, here they're both equal when they do these things.
25:16: Jews said you can't divorce a man if you're a lady. The Romans allowed it.
25:22: Verse 12. And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. I read about a professor of politics at Princeton several years ago, and it says that this particular person said,
25:38: Both men and women who divorce are more likely to succumb to substance abuse. Kids who are separated or divorced are 4 .5
25:45: times more likely to become alcohol -dependent than comparable married persons. The divorce -escalated mortality and illness rates are not just an
25:54: American phenomenon. Taiwan, Sweden, Canada, and Germany, divorce men had the highest death rates, higher even than unmarried single widowed men.
26:03: Children who are divorced have an increased likelihood of dropping out of school, having emotional problems, engaging in precocious sexuality, getting hooked on alcohol or drugs, procreating out of wedlock, slipping economically below the poverty line, committing suicide, and last but not least, getting divorced.
26:24: And that's from a secular writer, let alone having the glory of God displayed in a husband loving a wife destroyed.
26:35: I like Kleinbell's advice a lot better. When a man that he heard, overheard say this when asked by a reporter,
26:43: You've been married 50 years? Did you ever consider divorce? Never divorce.
26:51: Murder many times, but never divorce. Somebody else had heard that.
27:01: Let's go back to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Jesus said that this is
27:11: God's institution. Now soon we're going to come up to a passage in the same passage here that if you've got an unbelieving spouse and they leave, you let them leave.
27:21: For right now we're just working through the text. And now he deals with four directives here in verse 10 and 11.
27:27: He says, Three of these to the ladies and one to the man. And I think, addressing the women first, they were the ones having a hard time keeping their married
27:35: Christian spouse who had immoral background. And so he says in chapter 7 verse 10 to the marriage,
27:44: I give this charge, Now I bet the Lord, here's the first directive, The wife should not separate from her husband.
27:51: This is a synonym for divorce. This is not separate, I'm going to live down the street. This is divorce. Leaving. Divorcing.
27:58: In the Roman Greco culture, it's the exact same thing. Divorce by separation. Very, very common.
28:05: Matter of fact, it was uncommon to have the opposite. One scholar said,
28:10: Uncommon are marriages which last so long, brought to an end by death, not broken apart by divorce, for it was our happy lot that it should be prolonged to the 41st year without estrangement.
28:19: That scholar was quoting someone in the first century that said, We've made it to the 41st year. We're different than most people by the grace of God.
28:28: Leaving. Separating. Divorce. It's all the same. He gives another directive.
28:34: Do you see it there as we continue? But if she in fact leaves, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
28:45: So first, if she does, she should remain unmarried. So, to Christian people, there's going to be a divorce.
28:52: Her first option is to remain unmarried. Shouldn't have serial adultery going on through the sacrament of divorce.
29:04: And then he gives a third directive. Or else be reconciled to her husband. Whatever motivation you have, ladies at Corinth and maybe in Bethlehem Bible Church, you shouldn't use the motivation for divorce to get hooked up with somebody else.
29:21: In other words, you say, Well, I don't really like this guy. I would like to be married. And so I'm going to drive this thing to divorce so then
29:27: I can be with the other person. Paul says no. Or be reconciled.
29:33: That's wonderful when couples can be reconciled. It's the grace of God even in unbelievers' lives.
29:40: My father was 29. I was 29 years old. He was 55. Laying on his deathbed and I began to just talk to him about life.
29:47: I said to him, I said, Dad, why didn't you and mom ever have an anniversary? He's months away from his death.
29:54: And he looked at me and he said, Which one? And I began to think,
30:01: No wonder my mom's mom, grandma, didn't like dad. Because dad married my mom and then divorced my mom.
30:13: And then they saw each other at a party and then I was conceived and then they got remarried again.
30:20: And I can look at that common grace in the life of two people who weren't even born again. So there's grace.
30:31: But here Paul gives these directives. And look it, he says the same thing to the husband. And let not the husband divorce the wife.
30:39: Why? Why stay married? One, God says so. God says so.
30:47: Henry Ford, 50th wedding anniversary. How do you have marital bliss?
30:53: Henry Ford. Just the same as in the automobile. Stick to one model. That's good to stay married because God says so, but that's not the best.
31:04: It's good to stay married because of your vows. There's a reason, by the way, when you give your vows and you say for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.
31:19: Before everybody here, till death do us part. There's a reason why you say that and so you should keep your vows.
31:25: That's a reason to stay married, but that's not the main reason. You should stay married for your kid's sake. That's important, but that's not the main reason.
31:32: The main reason you stay married is for the glory of Christ Jesus. Turn to Ephesians chapter 5 if you would.
31:40: The glory of Christ Jesus. If God isn't glorified, I don't care if you're happy.
31:46: I want you to glorify God and then have holiness and then have, as a result, happiness.
31:55: But here's what Paul does. By the way, if your marriage is struggling, let me give you some advice. Here's the marriage advice you need.
32:02: You need the doctrine of the atonement. You need the cross. When Paul says you've got a struggling couple in marriage, here's what you need.
32:11: You don't need a romantic getaway, although I like romantic getaways. You don't need that primarily. You don't need to figure out your wife's love language.
32:20: I think that's a bunch of malarkey. And Kim used to tell me, my love language is receiving gifts. I said, yeah, figures.
32:28: Figures. Why couldn't you get the inexpensive one? No, it's not all that.
32:34: It's not the love language issue. It's what about the cross? Because here's the thing
32:39: Paul's going to say in Ephesians 5. God didn't say, well, here's the cross, and you know what?
32:46: That kind of reminds me of marriage. Paul said this. In the eternal foreordination of God's plan, when
32:54: Jesus was going to be crucified, God knew that in eternity past, and he first had the priority of Jesus loving the church, and then he said, you know what would be a good representation of that on earth?
33:05: Christ loving the church on earth is going to be a husband who loves his wife. And if you get divorced, here's the doctrine you're telling everybody, including yourself.
33:15: If you're the husband getting divorced, sinful divorce, we're going to get to biblical divorces in a minute, a sinful divorce is going to be,
33:22: I'm the husband, I don't love the church. That's the wrong view of the atonement. And if you're the wife sinfully divorcing the husband, you're saying this,
33:31: I do not believe in the P of TULIP. I do not believe in the perseverance of the saints.
33:37: I do not believe in eternal security. I don't believe in once saved, always saved. As long as I'm getting my need meter worked on, and I'm getting my felt needs met, then we're fine.
33:49: And so look at here in Ephesians chapter 5. If you need help in your marriage, you need to go back to the cross.
33:56: I read about feminists calling marriage as domestic captivity. No, marriage is a picture of the cross.
34:06: Lloyd -Jones says, How many of us have realized that we are always to think of the married state in terms of the doctrine of the atonement?
34:12: Is that our customary way of thinking of marriage? Where do we find the books that have to say that about marriage?
34:23: John Gerstner said, This passage, Ephesians 5, suggests not merely that God uses marriage as an excellent illustration of the union between Christ and the church.
34:31: More than that, it suggests that God created the marriage institution especially to be illustrated of the
34:37: Christian mystery. Look at chapter 5, verse 25 of Ephesians. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave
34:48: Himself up for her. Husbands who divorce unbiblically are denying substitutionary atonement that He might sanctify her, verse 26, having cleansed her by the washing of water by the
35:01: Word, that He might present the church to Himself in all splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and blameless.
35:11: What's he talking about? Verse 28, In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself.
35:21: For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. Tied back in again, just as Christ does the church.
35:28: And if there's an unbiblical divorce, the megaphone to the world is Jesus doesn't love the church.
35:34: Jesus doesn't nourish the church. Jesus doesn't cherish the church. Verse 31, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.
35:43: Two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
35:49: However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
35:59: Brian Chappell said he has a little wall hanging in the house.
36:05: If mom ain't happy, no one's happy. No, he doesn't say that. Where each lives for the other and all live for God.
36:13: Westminster Catechism, What's the chief end of man? To enjoy God and glorify
36:20: God and enjoy Him forever. What's the chief end of marriage? Happiness, fulfillment.
36:27: The chief end of marriage is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Wilson said the reason we are miserable in our marriage is because we have idolized them.
36:40: But the glory of God is more important than our domestic happiness. When a husband seeks to glorify God in his home, he will be equipped to love his wife as he has commanded.
36:48: If he loves his wife as commanded, the aroma of his home will be pleasant indeed. Dare I say we don't need more how -to books on marriage?
37:00: How to have a fulfilled marriage? How about how can our marriage bring glory to God?
37:06: And it's going to bring no glory to God if we split up as a Christian family.
37:17: Listen to what Devenbaugh said, The marriage manuals seem to equate loving your wife with making her happy. We should seek to please our mate,
37:25: Romans 15 .1, but our ultimate goal is to contribute to her purity and godliness. This may require decisions and actions which are not welcomed and are certainly not warm and fuzzy.
37:37: Back to 1 Corinthians, the second strand of rebar. The first strand was, if you're a Christian and you're married, stay married.
37:43: Why? For the glory of Christ Jesus, the one who bought you. Secondly, if we see what
37:50: Paul says, if you're a Christian and married to an unbeliever, don't divorce your spouse if they want to stay married to you, verses 12 to 14.
37:59: Don't divorce your spouse if they want to stay married to you. And by the way, number three is going to be, if you're a Christian and your unbelieving spouse wants out, let them go.
38:07: It's a command. Right now, let's focus in on 12 to 14. If you're a Christian, number one, married to a
38:14: Christian, no divorce. If you're a Christian married to an unbeliever, I want you to not get divorced if they want to stay.
38:22: If they want to stay. Let's read verses 12 to 14. To the rest I say,
38:28: I, not the Lord. In other words, Jesus didn't say anything about this. We have no scriptures about this.
38:34: It's still God's word. It's still apostolic authority. Jesus is still the sent out one. But these aren't the red letter words, as it were.
38:42: These aren't Jesus' quotes. Paul says, I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.
38:53: If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
39:00: For the unbelieving husband is, NES is better here, sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through the believing husband, for otherwise your children would be unclean.
39:13: But as it is, they are holy. The pagans would say,
39:19: Christians, you get involved in dabbling in Christianity and it destroys the fabric of a marriage.
39:24: It destroys marriages, because what happens is, then one becomes a Christian and it tears down society because of their faith.
39:32: Paul says, you know, if you've got an unbelieving spouse, they want to live with you as a married couple, then you ought not to divorce.
39:40: People are saying, you know what, if my husband is unbeliever, could he be defiling me?
39:48: I'm a Christian. I ought not to be unequally yoked.
39:53: Is there a problem there? And here's what Paul's going to say, that your godliness more influences him, than his ungodliness influences you.
40:07: And you better believe it, because then Paul's going to take the knife out for the coup de grace and say, that's exactly what happens with your kids.
40:13: If you've got an unbelieving husband and you're the believing wife, what about your kids?
40:19: Are they unholy too? And Paul's going to say, of course they're not unholy. Nobody would say your kids are unholy.
40:26: And then Paul's going to say, but by the way, isn't the marriage bed even a closer relationship than parents to children?
40:36: So let's take a look at this a little bit. Very interesting. If you're a Christian person today here and you're married to an unbeliever and they want to stay with you, you may not divorce them.
40:44: You must not divorce them. What's he say? If a brother has a wife who's an unbeliever, she consents to live with him, he should not divorce them.
40:54: Now you shouldn't marry an unbeliever, but this is a person who is an unbeliever, married to an unbeliever, then one gets saved.
41:02: It's a mixed marriage. The couple should stay together. Listen to Plutarch. Advice to the
41:07: Bride and Groom, A .D. 140. A wife ought not to make friends of her own, but to enjoy her husband's friends in common with him.
41:16: The gods are the first and most important friends. Wherefore it is becoming for a wife to worship and to know only the gods that her husband believes in, and to shut the front door tight upon all queer rituals and outlandish superstitions.
41:31: For with no god do stealthy and secret rites performed by the woman find any favor. In other words, if you're married back in those days and your husband, the unbeliever, worships these weird queer gods, you were supposed to worship him too.
41:49: You were the wife. You worshiped them. You moved to Moab and you say,
41:54: Well, I have to worship the Moab god. But here we have only one god, the God of Israel, and so what do you do?
42:00: You're not supposed to worship them. But he says, You know what? You're still a great lady and you're a
42:06: Christian. You don't have to worship my gods, but I still want to keep you around. Then stay. Any woman has, verse 13, a husband who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, she should not divorce him.
42:21: It's mutuality. This is equal rights. This is, these are both image bearers.
42:30: I will say now, and I'll say it in a few minutes I think, if you're married to an unbeliever, I think it is mandated for you to be such a wife or such a husband that your spouse would never want to divorce you for any reason except for your
42:46: Christian faith. Christians should be better husbands, better wives, better supporters, better friends.
42:55: But there is that one elephant in the room for Christianity that you cannot deny. But before I talk about that, back to verse 14.
43:04: What about the kids? If my unbelieving spouse is defiled before God, are my kids defiled too?
43:10: No. The unbelieving husband is made holy. What does that mean? He's a Christian? So here's the new dating strategy.
43:18: Find an unbeliever, get married to him, and he's made holy. Mission accomplished.
43:24: No, what does he mean? What does Paul mean? He doesn't mean that. He doesn't mean, if you marry an unbeliever, they're a
43:30: Christian. But he does mean that there is a, not guilt by association, but a good love by association, spillover blessings, prayers, goodness of God coming into that household because of that one woman or that one husband.
43:45: And God blessing and blessing. Does God bless Christians? He blesses them abundantly beyond what we could ask or think.
43:51: And sometimes there's a spillover benefit to that unbelieving person. And the kids. Doesn't mean salvation.
44:00: Otherwise, look, the spouse wouldn't be called the unbelieving husband. What's verse 14 says? For the unbelieving husband.
44:06: If the unbelieving husband is made, saved by the believing wife, then he wouldn't be saying the unbelieving husband here, would he?
44:14: He'd be saying no, the believing husband is made holy because of her marriage. This is spillover influence.
44:23: Calvin said, for the godliness of one does more to sanctify the marriage than the ungodliness of the other to make it unclean.
44:31: That's wonderful. If you're married to an unbeliever, that is good news. Grace greater than all my spouse's sins.
44:38: How about that verse? Holy by association. You don't get dirty from an unsafe spouse.
44:45: They have an influence. They have common grace that you receive love grace.
44:51: You receive a special elect love grace and they receive the spillover of common grace. True or false?
44:58: When Jesus touched unclean people, he became unclean. False. When he touched a leper, they became clean.
45:09: The clean takes priority over the dirty. You can't use this for I'm going to marry an unbeliever.
45:15: This is in the context of marriage, a God -ordained thing. You say, well, I'm going to sleep with a prostitute and make them clean.
45:21: No, that's not a divinely decreed institution or organization or anything.
45:27: That's sinful. That's sinful thinking. But in the divinely created thing called marriage, the clean wins out over the unclean to influence, to help, to sanctify, to set them apart.
45:46: Otherwise, look at the text. Your children would be unclean. But it is.
45:52: As it is, they are holy. Here's a syllogism. Holy children are produced by holy marriages.
45:59: Mixed marriages produce holy children. Mixed marriages are therefore holy marriages. Holy marriages should be maintained.
46:05: Mixed marriages are holy marriages. Mixed marriages therefore should be maintained. And then lastly, number three, found in verses 15 and 16.
46:18: If you're a Christian or married to an unbeliever, do not stop your spouse from divorcing you if they won out because of your faith.
46:27: Third strand of rebar. If you're a Christian and you're married to an unbeliever, do not stop your spouse from divorcing you if they won out because of your faith.
46:35: If they won out because you're a louse, because you're sinful, because you're all kinds of other things, that's not what
46:43: Paul is talking about here. This is the only time that I can think of in the New Testament church where the
46:49: New Testament church's marriage is commanded, excuse me, divorce is commanded. There are two reasons for divorce.
46:55: Immorality, that's not discussed here, and an unbelieving spouse leaves. Let's read the verses. Verse 15.
47:01: But if the unbelieving partner separates, divorces, this is not geographic, this is a divorce.
47:07: Let it be so. In such cases, a brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
47:15: For how do you know, wife, whether you'll save your husband? How do you know you'll be the instrument of salvation?
47:22: You don't. God's sovereign, not you. How do you know, husband, whether you'll save your wife?
47:28: So now here it is. The lady or the man is married to an unbeliever. The unbeliever says, I like everything about you, but this whole
47:34: Christianity thing, I can't go for. And you say, don't go, don't go, don't go. Maybe you say, don't go because of the kids.
47:40: Fine, don't go because God hates divorce. Fine, but don't go because I think if I keep you around long enough,
47:47: I'll preach the gospel to you and you'll get saved. Paul says, this lies beyond your control.
47:58: You called to peace, not discord. You have a believer and unbeliever in the household and they fight about the faith.
48:07: There's not peace in the house. There's not conquered in the house. Pillar Commentary says, unfortunately, new converts also need to be warned about the subconscious temptation to start a life over and find a believing spouse by locking out their unbelieving spouse and completely immersing themselves in their new
48:31: Christian world to the point that their spouse feels completely abandoned and estranged from them, finally gives up and divorces a believer.
48:39: The unbelieving spouse of a Christian ought to find in them a model of self -sacrificing love that is even more committed to the health of the marriage and to blessing their spouse than ever before, such that only a radical prejudice against Christianity could explain their unwillingness to continue in the marriage.
49:02: Paul said to the Romans, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at what? Peace with everyone.
49:09: You're not God. I'm not God. We're not under obligation to stop them because if we were, then we might be tempted to say we're going to give up our faith.
49:22: We're going to give up following Christ. It's impossible to lose your salvation, but you could be tempted.
49:28: I love this person so much. And I'll even give up Christianity. Don't have marriage exist only for evangelism.
49:42: The only other reason that you could get divorced biblically would be because of sexual immorality on the behalf of your spouse.
49:49: And mark it well, here's an easy algebraic equation. If you've been divorced biblically, a spouse leaves you that's an unbeliever because of your faith, or because of immorality, a biblical divorce means you can get remarried again biblically.
50:06: That is to say to a believer. If you have an unbiblical divorce, no remarriage.
50:12: Biblical divorce, wife leaves because of my faith, or because of her adultery,
50:19: I may get married. Now right now you're probably saying, yeah, but what about all this stuff before I got saved?
50:25: All these divorces and remarriages and everything else, what do I do about that? You come back next week is what you do.
50:38: I am so glad God is a forgiving God. He majors on forgiveness. I acknowledge my sin to thee and my iniquity
50:44: I did not hide. I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you did forgive me the guilt of my sin.
50:50: Lord, you're good and ready to forgive in abundant and loving kindness to all who call upon thee. If you've had a sinful divorce, if you've had a sinful marriage, if you've had sinful remarriage, we'll talk next week, and I want to remind you that God is a forgiving, good
51:06: God. He loves marriage because he loves Jesus Christ, life and death for the church.
51:12: Let's pray. Thank you, Father, for your word.
51:18: Thank you for marriage. I pray for every married couple today that you'd strengthen their marriage.
51:25: I pray that those who are married to unbelievers, that you would cause the unbelieving spouses to be born again today, that you would make them alive and grant them saving faith, that you would revolutionize those marriages.
51:40: And I'm thankful, Father, that many times spouses do bow the knee to Christ Jesus through your work, through the faithful witness of a spouse.
51:51: I pray for those who are here who have been divorced or remarried.
51:57: God, thank you for grace. Thank you that we're not saved by works, nor do we maintain ourselves by works.
52:04: Thank you that divorce is a forgivable sin. Thank you that you wash us clean. Thank you that you forgive us our trespasses.
52:15: And, Father, we pray for those young people here today who aren't married. I pray that they would walk circumspectly, get advice from their parents, father, and church, so that you would protect them from divorce.