Next Week | Should We Torture People? | Episode 4

Good evening. I am Chris Weinland, and you are watching Next Week with Jeff Durbin, and we are going to be talking about torture today. So somebody had the idea that we should have me torture myself with peppers and hot peppers.

Every minute that you guys share this episode, I am going to eat another pepper. So we are going to start with the first one. Red bell pepper. It's terrifying, as you can see. Everybody should be... Anything with a little barcode is just scary.

So here we go. Ah, it's hot. So far, I love this five-minute challenge. This is fantastic. Go ahead and share. If you get enough shares, I'll go on to the next one. This is easy. They even got me gloves just in case I need it.

How ridiculous is this? Am I right? Okay, here we go.

Serrano pepper.

You can get this in a Papa John's pizza place. Nothing.

Boom.

All right, that one was a little hot. I'm not going to lie. I have some milk. I don't need it. Just in case I do, I'm going to pour some milk. Listen, I haven't had a hot pepper in years. That's no lie.

I am underestimating what I'm doing here. Okay, did we get enough shares? We got enough shares. Okay, here we go.

Whoo!

That was hot. That was hot.

That's a Papa John's pepper. That was a lot hotter than I thought.

Jalapeno. Here we go.

Oh, actually, that's sweet. That's not bad. Although, this side of my mouth is on fire right now.

Oh! Ow!

Oh, that's hot!

That's a...

Oh!

Share the video! But I don't want you to because I don't want to keep eating these, but you need to share them, don't you?

Whoo! Oh!

That's jalapeno.

Why?

Why would somebody eat that by itself? My mouth is on fire. All right.

Oh! Ah!

I'm supposed to wait like another 20 seconds before I have another one, so this should give me a good milk break.

Mm. Mm.

Oh, that's painful. How could somebody ever, ever do that? Never do this to yourself if you are the one that loves this. Okay, I believe I'm being told we got enough shares. Yeah, no, we definitely, we have enough.

Wow.

Here we go.

I just looked at this next one. This is a... What is this, habanero? Is that what this is, habanero pepper? I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

Okay.

That was it.

Ah! Ha ha! Ah!

Dang it!

I hated that!

Oh! Oh!

Habanero!

Habanero. Habanero.

Oh, this is terrifying.

My whole nose...

Mm.

This is the first time I've been able to breathe through my nose in like a year.

Woo! Oh! Oh!

Share the video! Oh, share this episode, please! We're talking about torture, and you're seeing it firsthand.

Oh!

Gosh!

Oh! Ah!

Okay, here we go.

Oh, the final pepper. Final pepper.

The hottest chili in the world, ghost chili. I don't want to do this at all. Oh, why would I agree to that? Can't even open it.

Oh! Oh, no!

It's everywhere!

Okay, I'm told to use a glove, which you better believe I'm going to. Here we go.

Oh, it's okay.

It's okay. No, no, it's not. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that is the hottest thing I've ever had in my mouth!

Oh! Oh!

Who would do this?

Oh! Mm. Mm. Ah!

You've got 20 seconds. You need to seriously just share this episode, please!

Oh! Mm.

Share this episode! This is torture!

Mm. Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

The Mormon Beliefs Sketch and the Show’s Opening Banter

60 Mormon beliefs in 60 seconds. Take one.

Love. Mercy.

Inspiration.

Temples.

Marriage.

Minivans.

Cut, cut.

Hold on.

Minivans?

Yeah. I love minivans. Yeah.

Yes, but this is 60 Mormon beliefs. You were asked to say your favorite belief. You're saying Mormons believe in minivans?

Well, I would hope so. My husband's a van salesman.

Okay. Let's shoot it again, and this time, list your favorite Mormon belief.

Okay.

60 Mormon beliefs. Take two, and action!

Love.

Mercy.

Inspiration.

Temples.

Marriage.

One day, my husband will have his own planet. With minivans.

Cut, cut. Focus more on a belief and less on minivans.

Gotcha.

Mormon beliefs. Take three, and action!

Love. Mercy.

Inspiration.

Temples.

Marriage.

The fact that people with dark skin are no longer considered cursed by the church.

Cut!

My husband never thought you were cursed at Bob's Minivans. Come on down.

Let's go with a more mainstream belief.

Oh, okay. Okay. Alright.

Temples.

Marriage.

Starbucks can suck it.

Why would you say that?

Because we don't believe in coffee.

Let's go again. Say a belief. One or two words. Just one or two words.

Okay.

Temples.

Marriage.

Secret polygamy.

Cut.

Temples.

Marriage.

Planet Kolob.

Cut!

Temples.

Marriage.

Mitt Romney. And Glenn Beck. Cut!

We're going to do this one last time.

Temples.

Marriage.

Fun. Cult. This sure is a fun cult. Cut!

Thanks, but we're going to go get someone else.

Okay. I mean, if you're sure, you should get my sister. She's the actor.

The human family.

Eternal families.

Genealogy.

Laughter.

Minivans. Guys, to our live studio audience, thank you to everybody watching across dem internets and across social media. I want to encourage you guys to like and share the episode. Let everybody know about the late night show with the unpopular opinion.

So this is next week, guys. I'm Jeff. We're back after a little bit of a break. You guys excited about today?

Yes?

All right. A lot of things have been happening since we've been gone, so let's talk about the news, guys. A company recently came out with, and I almost didn't believe this was true, ketchup in slices.

Much like cheese slices. And of course, the only difference between the two is that people will actually buy cheese slices. Ketchup slices. Now, according to police, a man sucker punched a five-year-old in the face on a New York City subway this past week, demonstrating that maybe taking candy from a baby is not as easy as one thought.

Laughter.

Now, speaking of New York City, New York City is working on a bill that will prohibit people from smoking and walking at the same time, which is, of course, a shame, considering just how many speedwalkers love to smoke at the same time.

Laughter.

Jim Caviezel, you'll remember him as the man who portrayed Jesus in the film Passion of the Christ. He's actually portraying the apostle Paul in the new movie about the apostle. Come on, Jim. I mean, can't we just have one cinematic universe about the Bible?

Just one?

Laughter.

You don't get to play all of them. Now, it's been revealed that Facebook has not kept privacy for its users. And by revealed, we mean it's been revealed to people over 60 years old.

Laughter.

They weren't aware of that. Now, the rest of us knew about it, and how else do you explain ads popping up about, say, garden tools after you just talk about a garden? It just happens to come up like that.

Did an app just come up? No, Facebook, we don't want to buy. We do not want to buy garden tools. We just want to laugh. That's what we do here at Next Week with Jeff Durbin. Well, that's great. Want to laugh?

Watch Next Week with Jeff Durbin. Wow, got to say that I am flattered, Facebook.

Very flattered.

Want to flatter people with Facebook ads? All right, good one, Facebook. Now, you know, I can see where the anger comes from. I mean, really, sincerely, I do. Nobody's Facebook information should be given out and abused, except for the people that put up those stupid cat videos.

Definitely them. Now, moving on. Starbucks is trying to engineer a more environmentally friendly coffee cup, and they're offering $10 million to anyone who can do it, and that is great because with $10 million, the winner can actually afford to go to Starbucks.

So there was a pro-choice rally last week, and usually you can count on pro-choice rallies to be inappropriate and, of course, rude. But every once in a while, they'll have a march where they'll say something polite, and this was not that time.

So take a look.

Abortions!

Hoes don't need abortions. Hoes need Jesus, guys. And, of course, a very stern talking to by their parents. Now, there's nothing like living in a time where women never wanted to be identified as a sex object and then call themselves hoes.

Now, I haven't been this confused since I learned that Kmart is actually still in business. Now, the last time I heard people call themselves hoes was when a person dressed up as a garden tool at the Garden Tool Convention.

Great.

No, not garden hoes. Now, we live in an exciting time where Christians are finally getting into the entertainment business and starting to make some great movies. Now, unfortunately, not all Christian movies are good, and this leads to a new game right here on Next Week with Jeff Durbin called Pure or False?

I need two volunteers from our audience. Welcome, guys. Come on over here, sir. You'll stand right next to me here. And, Zoe, you'll stand right over here next to me here.

There you go.

You guys squeeze right in there.

Okay, good.

Now, two volunteers from the audience, guys, and let's ask the names. What's your name, sir?

Doug Bubolo.

All right.

Doug what now?

Bubolo.

Bubolo?

Bubolo.

That's a very interesting name, Bubolo.

I appreciate that.

Yeah, good.

So, Doug and what's your name?

Zoe.

Zoe, get closer. I will not bite you, I promise. Okay, so, now, great. Now, thanks for this actual proof to all the online trolls that we have a live studio audience. Right, guys? It's real. Now, I'm going to read to you guys possible Christian movie plots that I have on these cards right here, and you have to guess whether the movie is real or fake using these paddles right here, okay?

So, there's one for you, Zoe, and one for you, Doug. So, real is pure right there, and fake is false right there, okay? You guys ready to go?

Yes?

Audience ready?

Yeah.

Now, whoever guesses the most correct answers gets the coveted Next Week with Jeff Durbin mug. Now, everybody watching on Facebook right now, you guys can play, too, by commenting pure or false after each movie plot.

So, okay, here's the first possible plot. Here we go. First possible plot. All right. A man who's also an FBI agent trying to solve a crime goes on vacation with his Christian wife only to experience the rapture causing him to be left behind.

Until he turns to Jesus, he is forced to repeat that day over and over again like Groundhog Day. Is this movie pure or is it false? What do we got here? We got false, false.

Okay.

Fun fact about this movie is that it's actually pure. It actually exists.

It does.

Now, fun fact is when the main character finally does come to Jesus, the rapture doesn't happen. I don't know what that's about. So, here's the next one. A group of people are unaware that they are on the verge of death as they end up in a diner having a conversation with Jesus.

The one person trying to keep them from talking to Jesus is an officer named DeVille.

Pure or false?

What do we got here?

Pure, pure. Very good.

That movie is pure. It's called The Encounter. And they also made a sequel and a series out of it. And here's a quick snippet from the movie to help pique your curiosity. This is the moment that the characters discover Officer DeVille might not be a cop.

But what about Officer DeVille? He walked in the diner himself.

Officer who?

DeVille. D-E-V-I-L-L-E.

Officer Deville. Oh, that's rich. Now, a doll comes to life to help a young girl win a worship competition. Thanks to the doll, the girl wins and the parents come to Jesus.

Pure or false?

It's pure, pure.

False?

I don't even know the answer to this. What is this? It's false.

False.

Oh, very good.

So that movie is false. And here's the next one. Through the help of a colleague's time machine, a Bible scholar from the 1800s is sent to the 21st century to see what morality looks like and discovers that everything is horrible, especially movie theaters.

Is that pure or false?

Pure.

Did you know that movie?

No.

No?

Okay.

Pure.

Very good.

That movie is pure. And it's called Time Changer. Now, here we go, guys. On to the last one. A group of teenagers have a church lock-in. However, one of them brings a dirty magazine which unleashes a pornographic demon that sucks them into an alternate dimension.

Pure or false?

Zoe says pure. You say false. That's pure. It actually is a thing. It really is. That movie is actually, it's pure. It's a real thing. It's called The Lock-In. My children and Zoe, they've watched this a number of times.

And it's an hour and a half long. You can watch the whole thing for free on YouTube. And here's my favorite part of the movie, guys. There's only one person left. And he fights the demon in the baptismal.

The moment this teen wins the fight, he cries as the only survivor. And then pay attention to the left side of the screen, everybody. Couldn't they have just re-shot the scene? Dude, you walked on set.

All right, guys. So, actually, they're both winners today. They both get in next week with Jeff Durbin-Monk, guys. Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys, for joining us today on Next Week. Now, if you guys know of any movies that would be great for this game, and there are so many options out there with Christian media, send it to us with the hashtag pure or false, guys.

We'll be right back right here on Next Week, guys. Quick Plug of the Week with David Bonson. Today, we're going to talk about torture.

Stay with us.

Okay. Y 'all need to get Apology All Access.

Right now, it is smoking hot on there. I'm telling you, it is burning hot. It's Apology On Demand. Get all this stuff. As much as you want. This never ends. That's how you're going to feel with Apology All Access.

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Why Torture Is Not Justified by Biblical Justice

Hey, guys. Welcome back, everybody. Welcome back, everybody, to Next Week. I am Jeff Durbin, and of course, as always, it is time for our Blend of the Week. I love this one. Look at it. Joy did such a great job with this one.

Look, it's got a little Donald Trump inside the French press. It's a little Donald Trump in the French press. So, this is actually called the French press, and it's the only press Trump hasn't called fake news.

All right, everybody. So, again, welcome back, guys. It's been great to have some time off to get prepared for this show, and today we're going to talk about a very important subject, torture. And by torture, I don't mean watching the long-running show, The View.

Although, that's awfully close to it. Instead, we answer the old Shakespearean query, to torture or not to torture? That is the question. Now, at the outset, we all need to recognize that as a nation, we are seriously divided on this issue.

There's people on the left who believe that we should not engage in torturing human beings, and there's people on the left who believe that we should, say, torture suspected terrorists, and those people are Jack Bauer fans.

And then there are people on the right who believe that we shouldn't torture, and some on the right who believe that we should torture. Also Jack Bauer fans. Now, what's even more peculiar, given that we have God's law in front of us to answer this particular question, is we have Christians who are on both sides of the issue, and some haven't even thought through it.

They're too busy worrying about the rapture or stuck in the rapture, like David, no last name, and the heart-stopper in the blink of an eye. No? We just talked about this, guys. Now, streaming now, by the way.

Now, of course, some could care less because they're too busy trying to figure out who the Antichrist is or to even bother. Speaking of the Antichrist, did you guys hear that Cecile Richards is retiring from Planned Parenthood?

Good. Now, it might feel better to ignore the subject at hand, but torture and the nation's policy on it is too important to push to the side. For instance, Gina Haspel, Jack Bauer fan, and CIA worker who oversaw a secret prison in Thailand in which terrorism suspects were subjected to brutal techniques, is Trump's pick for CIA director.

Now, thankfully, we have a man like Rand Paul who says he will filibuster as long as he has to in order to stop her from becoming director. But, if you didn't know about that, you would hear about Trump and Gina Haspel and think, Gina Haspel?

Is that another porn star that got paid off by Trump? Sadly, no. Now, the first problem we have to overcome is figuring out the definition of torture. The word torture can often be very subjective. For instance, if you ask me what torture is, I'll tell you about having daughters who listen to Frozen so many times that I've actually wondered if it's actually possible to waterboard a cartoon character.

I can tell you about the time I had to listen to an entire lecture from Bernie Sanders on the merits of socialism. Or I can tell you about how I feel about the Christian movie In the Blink of an Eye. Now, streaming, by the way.

Now, some people think that music is torture. For instance, some believe that Iron Maiden is the best band of all time. And, wait, it's like this, right? That's what you do, right? Now, others would rather be put into an actual Iron Maiden torture chamber than listen to that band.

To certain people, having Donald Trump as president is torture. And for others, watching evangelical leaders abandon meaningful commitments to Christian ethics in order to make excuses for Trump's behavior is torture.

Sorry, guys, that came from a very personal place. Now, as an example of the problem of definition, listen to our president, Donald Trump, talking about the well-known method of torture known as waterboarding.

So waterboarding used to be used because they said it really wasn't torture. It was the one step slightly below torture. That's why waterboarding was legal. I mean, torture is real torture. Okay, waterboarding is, I'm sure it's not pleasant, but waterboarding was just short of torture.

One step below torture. Now, let's talk about waterboarding for just a minute. Waterboarding is the method in which a victim is usually restrained with their hands and feet handcuffed or tied up. A breathable fabric is put over their heads and they're forced on their backs.

The victim is then subjected to having water poured over their face, into their nostrils and mouth in an effort to give them the, quote, sensation of drowning. Now, here's an example of what that looks like.

Those are the rest of the Saudi group. Give me one email and I will stop this. Who's in the Saudi group? What's the target?

Where was the last time you saw bin Laden? Where was the last time you saw bin Laden, huh?

You know, when you lie to me, I hurt you.

This is what defeat looks like, bro.

Your jihad is over.

Now, as you can see, waterboarding is a method that is meant to cause extreme suffering and pain in another human being by essentially drowning them for extended periods of time while keeping them alive.

Now, if that's not torture, then Game of Thrones isn't porn, Scientology isn't a cult, and Hillary Clinton doesn't lose her emails. A recent CIA report detailed other techniques like keeping someone awake for 180 hours, mock executions, and rectal feeding, in which food or water is force-fed by a tube into a victim's rectum.

Think about that for a second, guys. No, don't. Don't worry, guys, that's not actually torture. It's just a new book teaching a diet fad popular among vegan hipsters. It's called Beyond Gluten Free, Mastering the Downstairs Mix-Up.

You can find it in your local bookstore next to the new book written by the CIA called Don't Ever Cross Us or We'll Stick a Tube in Your Butt Because We Work for Satan. It's weird that both books are in the same section of the bookstore.

And just so we're clear about how our president feels about waterboarding...

They asked me, why do you think about waterboarding, Mr. Trump? I said, I love it. I love it. I think it's great.

He's not just for waterboarding, he loves it. Sure, that's a strange thing to love, but then again, this is a man who loves a lot of strange things, guys.

I love war. I love fighting with banks. I love that Russia is dropping bombs all over ice. I love it. I love protests. I love the Second Amendment. I love construction. I love great generals. I love open markets.

I love General MacArthur. I love the United Nations. My boy, I love you. Come up, Eric, come up. I love you, my boy. I love these comeback people. I love what I'm doing.

His love for waterboarding isn't so strange now, is it? I think you all owe Trump an apology, guys. You can, of course, make it better by staying a night in a Trump hotel and getting a spa. Just don't choose the waterboarding package.

Now, more on the point of definition, another difficulty is in the attempt to minimize what actually takes place with these methods of torture. Obfuscation via euphemism is very popular among those in government discussing these methods.

Now, here's an example of what that looks like from the 2012 presidential race.

I don't see it as torture. I see it as an enhanced interrogation technique.

Enhanced interrogation technique. That sounds lovely. I think I want some of that myself. You see, we seem to do this a lot in our culture when talking about moral issues.

We do it with abortion.

It's not a mother paying an assassin to stick sharp instruments into her vagina to tear her little boy's arms, legs, and head off, crushing the skull until his brains come out, and then putting him back together like a puzzle piece on a tray so as to not leave any pieces behind.

No, in the modern vernacular, it's reproductive freedom. It's not murder. It's pro-choice. It's not a baby. It's a fetus. Even though fetus is actually a Latin term that means baby. You see, it's not torture.

It's enhanced interrogation techniques. Now, can you guys imagine the Roman centurions calling crucifixion modified tree decoration? Or the fine people on the thin blue line calling police brutality amplified heavy petting?

Or large mixed martial artists, meatheads pounding one another into bloody stumps? Wait, that's actually a good one. That's true. Now, we should be willing, all of us, to have integrity when describing what we're doing.

Call things what they are. For example, abortion? Murder. Abortionists? Murderers. Cecile Richards? Tyrant. Taxation? Theft. There's no applause for that one, guys. We have a lot of training to do here.

House hunting for more than a year? Living with your parents indefinitely. Now, doing this bit and thinking about the old MasterCard commercials? Priceless. You see, we have to ask ourselves a fundamental question.

What's the standard? What's the standard we will use to make judgments on any moral issue? Early on in American history, the fundamental assumption was that we would use the Word of God as the final arbiter.

It's the very breathed-out words of the Eternal God. Therefore, it has the final say. This is why our first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, appealed to it in laying down the foundation for our case law system in the United States.

And it's why George Washington placed his hand on Deuteronomy 28 at his inauguration, invoking the very curse of God upon our nation if we depart from God. The Bible says that God's law is good, holy, true, and perfect.

When God gave His law to His people, He said, See, I have taught you statutes and judgments, just as the Lord my God commanded me, that you should do thus in the land where you are entering to possess it.

So keep and do them, for that is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples who will hear all these statutes and say, Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people. For what great nation is there that has a God so near to it as is the Lord our God whenever we call on Him?

Deuteronomy 4, 5 through 6. You see, if you want to get a fix on how God feels about His law, take a look at the longest chapter in the entire Bible, Psalm 119. If you want to get a fix on how Jesus felt about God's law, read Matthew 5, 17 through 19, where He tells people not to even begin to think that He came to destroy it, and that whoever teaches people to disobey even the least commandment in God's law would be called least in God's kingdom.

By what standard? That's the fundamental question. Today, in a nation that was once a Christian republic, we're lost in a sea of utter confusion.

What is truth?

Is there any such thing as truth? Who decides what's true? Is it even a meaningful thing to talk about in a world created by time and chance acting on matter? Do African apes, an evolved pond scum, have any moral obligations to one another at all?

Why can't one African ape torture another? Why not? They behave like this all the time. You know, right after that, the grandma said the one thing that no senior citizen has ever said, just take me back to the nursing home.

The truth is, we can use God's word to come to conclusions on this point. To torture or not to torture, it turns out that the Bible does have an answer to this question. So first, yes, we can inflict physical punishment upon image bearers of God.

It must be done with witnesses and evidence and due process. This can include capital punishment and physical beating. The Bible absolutely forbids in the strongest terms possible any punishment of an image bearer of God without due process.

There must be 2 -3 independent lines of evidence and witness. There must be a trial. No accusation was even to be received by anyone without 2 -3 independent lines of evidence. And absolutely under no circumstance was someone to be punished in any way without a proper trial and a verdict based upon independent evidence.

Another point of the Biblical standard of justice is that no accused person was required to help their accuser in any way. If someone is truly guilty based upon witness and evidence, then there's no need to have the accused provide any support or help.

They are guilty and it can be proven. Further, under Biblical law, yes, in this fallen world with sin and evil, the judicial system can inflict physical harm upon an image bearer of God. Again, with due process.

This is intended by God for people who murder, rape, and kidnap, for example. Also, God commands that under certain circumstances with an official trial, judge, and witnesses that a person may even receive a beating for their crime.

This can be seen in Deuteronomy 25 verses 1 -3. There's even a limit to how much this could happen so as to not completely degrade an image bearer of God. Now, you have to recognize.

That we live in a world.

With evil people plotting and engaging in the most heinous acts and may be wondering why such a sweet, gentle, needy surfer Jesus would ever command someone to receive a beating for a crime. So let's take a look at this footage from a store in which a man punches a pregnant woman in the face and then steals the money from the cash register.

Now, I just want to say before we start this, I have to warn you here, now, under biblical law, we wouldn't punish citizens through coercive taxation and require them to pay for this man's food, medical, shelter, and security for years upon years.