TLP 309: The Hidden Sin in Our Homes, Part 1 | the fruit

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They say the people who complain this way don't necessarily want something to be fixed. They just want to be heard

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They suggest that someone may say I have to work late a second Friday night in a row So they can hear someone else say that's a bummer

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Welcome to truth love Parents where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents.

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Here's your host a .m. Brewster How do you find something that's hidden today?

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We're going to rip the camouflage off a significant problem in each of our homes I pray that God's Word will spread its

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Revealing and yet comforting light into each of our hearts to help us become the parents God wants us to be so we can help our children become the men and women he called and created them to be

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But before we do that, don't forget to do your Amazon shopping via our associate links at truth love parent comm each time

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It's a lot easier than you may think it's safe because we utilize PayPal and the investment doesn't have to be as much as some

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People think it does Cool now Let's start our discussion about the hidden sin in our homes and be sure to check out our free episode notes and transcripts at truth love parent comm

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Now when I mentioned the topic of today's show, most of you will likely think I did some fancy click bait and switch, right?

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No, that's not what I'm going to do I realize that most of you will already know today's topic is a sin at least most of the time and many of you may

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Even be doing something about it But what we want to do over the next three episodes is dissect each individual fruit

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Discover the root from which they grow and then learn the truth necessary to treat the problem.

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Here we go the hidden sin in our homes is Complaining call it complaining griping whining murmuring grumbling or call it whatever you want.

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It's a sim Now again, I recognize that most of you will immediately agree with me with everything

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I just said and you probably are wondering how could I suggest that this is a hidden sin?

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It seems pretty obvious when our kids whine Well, I believe most of it is hidden for three reasons number one

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There are many parents who don't see anything wrong with complaining as long as the child isn't complaining about something the parent has done

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Number two, it's easy for us to see some complaining for what it is while being completely blind to others

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For example, though it may be easy to see whining in others We're too often blind to our own or our ear can pick up certain kinds of whining

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But even when it's coming from the same person, we miss other kinds of whining Number three, it's easier to address the fruit of complaining without dealing with the much more significant root of complaining

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So with that said let's dissect what it means to complain Merriam -webster defines it as quote to express grief pain or discontent or to make a formal accusation or charge

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And I think the meaning in the scriptures is consistent with those definitions Some complaints are clearly sinful while other uses of the word complaint are acceptable

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Well, we're not going to deal with the positive definition in this series. These episodes aren't going to be about legitimate formal accusations

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We're going to discuss the sinful stuff. So let's walk through some of the biblical content concerning complaining

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Though it's not necessarily called grumbling We're introduced to the very first complaint in Genesis 3 12 the woman whom you gave to be with me

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She gave me fruit of the tree and I ate We like to focus on the blame -shifting element of Adams failed family talk

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But we also need to see that his blame -shifting involved complaining about his wife and what she did

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Moving on when it comes to examples of grumbling in the Bible I think people who are familiar with the scriptures immediately think of the children of Israel A good example is numbers 11 1 and the people complained in the hearing of the

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Lord about their misfortunes And when the Lord heard it his anger was kindled and the fire of the

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Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts Of the camp as you can tell God was not okay with their complaining first Corinthians 10 9 through 11 reference these same people when it says

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We must not put Christ to the test as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents

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Nor grumble as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer now these things happen to them as an example

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But they were written down for our instruction on whom the end of the ages has come God wanted

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Moses to include the excessive whining of the Jews in part so that we could learn how wicked it really is

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Another good New Testament handling of this topic is in Philippians 2 12 through 16 Therefore my beloved as you have always obeyed so now not only as in my presence but much more in my absence

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Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you both to will and to work for his good pleasure

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Do all things without grumbling or questioning that you may be blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation

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Among whom you shine as lights in the world holding fast to the word of life So that in the day of Christ, I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain unquote

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We'll talk more about this passage later in this series But moving on Jude 1 16 addresses false teachers when he says they are quote grumblers

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Malcontents following their own sinful desires. They are loudmouth boasters showing favoritism to gain advantage unquote

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So God is clear that grumbling murmuring whining fussing moaning bellyaching Griping muttering and complaining are clearly a sin

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Now we're not going to really talk about the why today. Why is complaining a sin? We're gonna discuss that next time for now.

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We need to at least accept that most of the time it is wrong But I want to spend the rest of our time today

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Identifying it not being able to see it for what it is causes it to remain unaddressed and hidden in our homes

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According to thrive global there are four different types of complaints They claim that frivolous or recreational complaints are used to validate a person's worldview or make fun of something

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They use the example of someone sitting alone at their desk saying out loud. I have to work late

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Friday night They also say that there are empathy seeking complaints They say the people who complain this way don't necessarily want something to be fixed.

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They just want to be heard They suggest that someone may say I have to work late a second Friday night in a row

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So they can hear someone else say that's a bummer Then there's the interesting category of withholding complaints thrive global explains that this is the most toxic way to complain

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They argue that when people say nothing at all and begin to harbor resentment and internalize anger

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They might start to exhibit passive aggressive behavior or even just plain aggressive behavior

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For example, I have to work late a third Friday night in a row No problem at all happy to be here when in fact the tone of voice and emails reveals something very different And lastly they enumerate action complaints.

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These people are not like the empathy seekers. They want action. They want change They don't just want validation.

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The example they provide is I have to work late a fourth Friday night in a row What can we do different so we are not here next week?

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Psychology Today posits that there are three types of complaints They mentioned chronic complaining from people who never seem satisfied.

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They mentioned venting which is designed to express emotional dissatisfaction Psych Today explains quote it turns out that people who vent have an agenda

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They tend to be focused on themselves and their own presumably negative experience by showing their anger frustration or disappointment

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They are soliciting attention from their confidants They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy

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Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and propose solutions to their problems.

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They aren't looking to solve anything They simply want validation unquote Then they claim the last category of complaining is the best

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They call it instrumental complaining and describe it as acknowledging the importance of change and possessing the desire to solve problems

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Now based off these definitions alone I think we would likely view our kids whining as venting or empathy seeking or recreational complaints as a form of entertainment in our homes

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What's funny is that neither Thrive Global nor Psychology Today actually categorized our families to sinful complaining the way

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God does and Let's be honest that shouldn't surprise us Do I believe that some people are just seeking validation or empathy?

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Yeah, sure, but I also believe that most of the time members of our family complain

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They definitely want to see some change But just because they want to see some change doesn't make their complaining inherently good

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I don't want to do homework is more often than not a sly Manipulation tool to guilt the authority into not requiring homework

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But it's raining is viewed as a legitimate excuse for you to change your expectation that I have to put away the toys

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I left in the yard. I don't like broccoli is more than simply venting It's a backdoor slanderous often subconscious way to change the status quo

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According to both of the previous sources complaints that seek change are not bad They're beneficial and this is why

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I believe so much sinful complaining goes unnoticed in our homes We obviously believe our grumbling has merit and so therefore it is excused or even

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Encouraged because we're not looking at it the way God does we're looking at it the way the world does

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Consider the Israelites they were hungry. They were thirsty. They had to wait 40 days for Moses to return from the mountain

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There were giants in the land, whatever the complaint they wanted something to change

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They wanted food and water and for Moses to get back and to not have to run giants out of the promised land

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But their complaining was still a sin Now I'm not saying that all complaining that seeks change is a sin

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We open the show with the reality that some complaints are simply a formal accusation or charge and those will always be seeking change as well

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Now we're going to discuss next time why one kind of complaining that seeks change is bad and why another isn't but here's your assignment

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Until that time number one Anytime someone in your house, including you makes a statement that expresses any kind of dislike

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Disagreement or discontentment take a moment to consider the possibility that the statement they just made was sinful complaining

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I'm not saying that all such statements are a sin and therefore need to be Consequenced but we need to be more diligent to uncover the sinful ones and that starts with being observant Last night

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My daughter was relating an anecdote from the children's program at our church and I had to stop her and say Ivy Please stop using the word like she's only 10, but I swear she talks like a little teenager

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Anyway, it took me saying that a couple times But then later in her account a few sentences later before the word even escaped her lips

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She recognized that she was about to say it again. And instead she said wow, I really made a habit out of that Sometimes just paying attention to the problem is all it takes to get us thinking correctly about it

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And number two take some time to think about what makes a complaint sinful You have to be intentional about this

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You announce to your homeschool children that it's time to take out math and they respond with an immediate but low -key

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Is that okay does that glorify God if it doesn't why is it wrong?

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You need to be able to answer these questions before you can have a valuable conversation with your kids So take some time to consider your children's words and your own

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Really think about whether they please the Lord and then take the extra step to consider What makes the whining and complaining and griping sinful?

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Lord willing next time we'll look at the root of complaining to understand exactly why God hates it so much and we'll set our trajectory

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For parenting it biblically Don't forget to shop Amazon this week using our affiliate links And if you haven't rated or reviewed the show it would be awesome if you take a few moments to do that your reviews help other

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Christian parents find our show and Tell your pastors and friends about truth. Love parent share this episode on your favorite social media outlets get the word out there

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On Wednesday, we had over 3 ,000 downloads God is using his word to change hearts and lives and it's so simple just to click on the share button

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You can be an instrumental part of sharing his truth Most of the time complaining is a sin and God wants us to parent our children to the right heart attitude

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That complaining is no longer a temptation. So if that's something you like to see in your house Let's get together and talk about this next time

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Truth love Parents is part of the evermind ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional