TLP 199: Your Child's Bungee | the nature of sin and parenting

But that means the metaphor is just too easy. If the kids truly had everything they ever wanted inside, and if there were only destruction on the outside, they would have no desire to leave. The image is ridiculous.

A Better Metaphor for the Struggle of Parenting

Welcome to Truth.

Love.

Parent.

Where we use God's word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, AM Brewster.

Today we're going to discuss a helpful metaphor that should give us an accurate understanding of the significance of parenting. But before we do that, I want to tell you about an experience our family had that, if you ever have the opportunity, you should totally take.

About a week and a half ago, my family and I were in Washington, D .C. My wife's grandmother had passed away, and because of her rank and military service, she was afforded the honor of being buried at Arlington with her husband.

It was an amazing experience. She had a full military burial, including a band, 21-soldier honor guard, color guard, and there were over 50 army soldiers in total who participated in the event. Of course, we also did a flyby tour of our nation's capital, which was awesome.

But I think other than the experience at Arlington, the most wonderful thing we did was attend Sight Sound's production of Jesus in Pennsylvania. Let me tell you, again, it was fantastic. I've only had two experiences with Sight Sound.

One time in Pennsylvania, and a couple years ago, we saw Moses at their location in Branson. Both of those productions were absolutely breathtaking. High quality and Christ-honoring. The whole experience, from the lion and the lamb in the front of the theater, to their iconic spiced almond smell that permeates the lobby, to the extremely professional and stunning set design, gorgeous music, wonderful acting, and thoroughly biblical stories had me raving.

Listen, Sight Sound hasn't given me anything for this. They don't even know that I'm saying all of this. I just had to brag on them, and encourage you to check them out if you ever have the chance. Lastly, I have to mention a gentleman by the name of Rodney Coe.

He works with Sight Sound, and interestingly enough, he not only played Nicodemus in this production of Jesus I saw in Lancaster, but he also had temporarily transplanted his family in Branson the year I saw him portray Aaron in Moses.

So this was the second time we saw him perform. But after the show, my wife was getting a picture in front of one of the displays when he photobombed her. But as kind and as cool and fun as that was, what followed was so beautiful.

He took the time to talk with me and my family. He shared his testimony. We praised God, he encouraged us, prayed with us, and took silly pictures with us. If Rodney is just one example of the caliber of individual who works at Sight Sound, then I can't promote them enough.

Theater is a beautiful thing, and when done well, can be instrumental in us having a correct view of the times and people of the Bible. And I plan to do a whole episode on the power of theater for our young people, but for now, just know it's worth it when it's done well.

The Sin Nature Behind Parenting Difficulty

Okay, let's talk about your kid's bungee. Earlier this year, I was doing a family camp when the idea for this illustration came to me. We were discussing the nature of parenting, and so often, we view it like this.

Imagine your backyard has a fence around it. Parenting is so often viewed as teaching your children about the benefits of the backyard, the importance of the fence, and the dangers of leaving the yard.

And the ease of our parenting is defined by how hard the kids try to get out of the yard. Only when our kids are actively acting like terrorists do we think parenting is difficult, and as long as they, you know, happily stay in the yard, parenting is considered easy.

But that cannot be further from the truth.

Why?

Well, the Bible talks about this thing that many theologians all call the sin nature. Of course, those words are never used in the Scripture like that, but the reality is there. Consider the events of Genesis 3.

Adam and Eve chose to sin against God for the first time in history, and because of that, in Romans 5, 12, we read that sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all have sinned.

Because of Adam's choice, every human being ever born has inherited this sin nature. Listen as Paul refers to this nature as a law. In Romans 7, 22, he says,. Then in Romans 8, Paul uses the terms flesh and spirit to describe the same reality.

In verse 5, God says,. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. It's due to his own sin nature that Paul bemoans in Romans 7,.

Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. Paul's sin nature was a continual problem. It wasn't destroyed at conversion, it was present and active, and the same is true for your kids.

That means that the yard metaphor is just too easy. If the kids truly had everything they ever wanted inside the yard, and if there were nothing tempting them to the fence, they would have no desire to leave.

In fact, the image is ridiculous when we picture God giving our kids everything they would ever want or need within the yard, and explain to them the destruction that comes from leaving the yard, and yet our kids are still making a break for the gate.

The Bungee Illustration of Sin, Temptation, and Cooperation

So here is what I believe is a better metaphor. Have you ever been bungee jumping, or at least seen a picture or video of it? The people who bungee jump have a massive elastic cord strapped to them. Now imagine a gigantic brick wall, and secured to that wall is a 6 foot bungee.

When fully stretched, and keep in mind that it takes a lot of effort to stretch the bungee, this elastic rope can just barely reach the opposite wall, which is 20 feet away. Now picture that the day your child was born, they were fastened to that bungee.

There they were as infants, connected to the bungee, and completely incapable of moving it even when it wasn't taught. And as they grew older, they built the necessary muscle to stand despite the bungee, and they even came to the point where they could stretch it an extra inch.

Of course, as they've grown, we've told them about the joys of the other wall, and we've told them about the destruction that comes from staying next to the wall in which their bungee is fastened. And we've constantly and consistently educated and reproved them, and sometimes our kids have responded and participated in our counseling and training.

But here's what we need to see in our mind's eye. This is the beauty of the metaphor. Imagine your child physically and literally strapped to a concrete wall, and they're pulling against the bungee, and let's say they're doing a good job stretching it an extra foot.

There's no way on earth they're going to stretch it the remaining 13 feet on their own. They're simply not strong enough. No matter how hard they try in their own strength, that bungee is going to win.

And the harder they try, the easier it will be for the bungee to win. Try this. Pick up your phone and hold it in front of you with a slightly bent arm. How many minutes can you hold it right there? I experimented with this.

I was able to hold the phone still for a little over 15 minutes. I wasn't able to hold an iPhone in the air for even half an hour. Now picture your child trying to fight against the bungee all day long.

Now let's get a little bit more specific with this illustration. The wall is sin. Psalm 51 5, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. The bungee is our sin nature that keeps us returning to the things we hate, like a dog returns to his vomit.

Isaiah 59 2 says, your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear. Good parenting then is not a parent and child lounging in the backyard together without the kid trying to jump over the fence.

Good parenting is you as the parent standing next to your child who is straining and fighting the pull of their bungee. And you're helping them take that next step. Stretch the bungee another six inches.

Of course, this only works if the child is actually working with you. If you're teaching them and reinterpreting life for them, but they refuse to even pull against the bungee, there's nothing you can do.

You will not be able to drag them over to the other wall. But when they acknowledge that they need to make it to the other wall and they're working with you, not against you, then you can lock arms and strain against the constant pull of the flesh.

But our metaphor still isn't that accurate. Here's why. Your child may be able to stretch the bungee a foot on their own, but they're still on the sin side of the room. And even with your help, they won't be able to necessarily cross the center line of the room because we must not forget that you have a bungee strapped to you, too.

Romans 3 .23 teaches us that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. 1 John 1 .8 -10 says, if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. We can't sit there and say, we have no bungee.

Yeah, you've had more practice and you're hopefully spiritually stronger, but you're not only trying to help them fight their bungee. You're having to fight yours as well. So there you are pulling against these massive bands, trying to reach the other side of the room together.

Is this image helping you? Parenting is hard. Discipleship is hard. It's no yard. It's a moment-by-moment fight to glorify God in all we do. But we have to be a little bit more honest with ourselves.

Working with all your strength, your child and you are likely only going to be able to stretch their bungee about three feet. And that's only if you're helping one child at a time. Have you ever felt like you were trying to help one kid fight their bungee while another child was pulling on both of you in the opposite direction?

So as we fill out our picture, we also see that the devil and the world system are trying to do their best to pull your child as close to the sin wall as possible. And every time we allow our child to be influenced by unbiblical movies and music and friends and teachers and political ideologies, you're basically inviting more people to grab your child's bungee and pull her back toward the wall of sin.

So there you and your spouse are, if you have one. And some of your kids are so young and immature that they can't even bear the weight of the bungee when it's not stretched. And some of you have older children who are still incapable of walking their bungee out to its full length.

And some of you have kids who can stretch their bungee to seven whole feet. And some of you have kids who should be capable but who aren't even trying. And some of you have kids in nearly every category I've just mentioned.

And you're trying to fight your own sin nature while you also help each other and your kids fight their sin natures. And then you have the world and the demonic forces actively trying to pull your whole family back to the wall of sin and death.

God’s Power in Justification, Sanctification, and Obedience

And potentially, for the first time in your life, you now have a biblical view of what it means to be a parent. It's impossible to be a successful parent. The picture I've painted is impossible for a reason.

There is no way you're going to reach the other wall 20 feet away, let alone help even one of your family members get there. But thankfully, there's one more element missing from our metaphor, and it's God.

If we are born again, then Philippians 2 .13 tells us, It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. We can't stretch our bungees over the middle line, but God can. When temptation comes, the only way we can pull against the external temptation of the people yanking at our bungees and fight against the internal temptation of the bungee itself is God.

1 Corinthians 10 .13 teaches that no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability. But with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape so that you may be able to endure it.

So here's the thing. God the Holy Spirit is in this room with us, and he has no bungee, and he wants us to glorify the Father by reaching the other wall, and he's waiting for us to acknowledge our needs, be grieved by them, and humbly ask him for help.

That's justification. Then he's going to come over to us in our need and take us by the hand and comfort us and empower us in a way we can never work up on our own, but we have to participate. He's not going to drag us kicking and screaming.

That's sanctification. But the Holy Spirit also wants to use us. As he's helping us cross the room, and we're sweating as we cooperate with him, he wants us to be teaching and interpreting for and counseling and training our kids, and those counseling and training roles are going to require us to link arms and help our kids step onto the Christ-honoring side of the room.

And hopefully we're building community in our lives that will also be helping us and our kids. This illustrates us doing the right thing in the right way, for the right reasons, in the right power. Then and only then is it true obedience.

But we need to remember that the Holy Spirit is not going to help our child cross the center of the room if the child is unsaved, and there's nothing we can do to help our child cross the center of the room if they're unsaved.

They have to have a relationship with God and be working out their salvation with fear and trembling. Is it really impossible without God?

Totally.

Is it possible with God? Definitely. Is it a walk in the yard?

Never.

Parenting is a fight against our very sin natures and the temptation of the world and Satan. And even on a good day, it takes an act of God in our lives to do it well. Now, please understand that this wasn't designed to discourage you.

It was designed to give you an accurate view of the spiritual reality of your call to be an intentional, premeditated ambassador parent. In Matthew 19, 26, we read, Jesus looked at them and said, With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

You can be a successful parent by the power of God. And as a follow-up to today's study, check out episode 87 to learn what successful parenting even is. And then share this episode with your friends so they too can have a biblical view of parenting.

And I really hope you'll join us for our next episode. It will be our 200th full-length episode and it will be the start of a very important study that will help us determine if we're parenting zombies.

Yes, I said zombies. Now, I know it may sound like I'm trying to be the Fonz and jump a shark, but I believe this will be a very helpful study as we learn to be the parents God called and created us to be.

It doesn't matter if we have terrorist kids, zombie kids, hard-hearted, rocky-hearted, or thorny-hearted kids. It doesn't matter if our kids are soft-hearted and growing. Parenting is impossible without God.

I hope this episode has reminded you how very badly we all need Him, His Word, and His strength in order to glorify Him in any area of life, let alone our parenting. So, to that end, I'll see you next time.

Truth.

Love.

Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional, premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.