Godly Forgiveness - [Ephesians 4:31-32]

One man said refusing to forgive is a horrible sin. Leon Morris said we can always think of some good reason why in any particular case we need not forgive but that is always an error. I Can't think of a more important subject for our church this morning then the topic of Forgiveness, would you turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 4?

There's a black pew Bible in front of you or close by you'll need your Eyes set to those pages Ephesians chapter 4 and let's talk about forgiveness. Something that makes you resemble God something that when you do you are acting more godly than maybe anything else that you do forgiving someone.

James Coulter said an unforgiving spirit is the number one killer of your spiritual life. And so this morning I want to talk about Forgiveness and how you forgive other people because certainly people will sin against you people will do things against you and if you live long enough, you will be on the receiving end of sin.

What do you do. And the Bible gives us an answer and it's an amazing answer a consistent answer. And it's a full answer and this is one of those sermons where you walk out convicted. Because we all struggle with sin bitterness and forgiveness.

Ephesians and the Call to Live Differently

What an amazing passage. Now as you know the book of Ephesians to give us the broad umbrella again of what Ephesians is about. Ephesians is about a great God who saves sinners and after he saves them.

They don't act the way they used to act. Ask yourself the question if you were saved at an at a later date. Before you were a Christian were you one who was not a forgiver? Then after you're saved God changes you into a forgiver.

That's exactly exactly what happened with me. And so here comes God and he he changes us. He saves us. He makes us brand new and we act differently instead of being characterized by sin. We're characterized By godliness by acting like God godly in a way God would act.

But we can't do it on our own so it has to start with God and in fact God has done it all in Eternity past he chose us Ephesians chapter 1 verses 4 through 6. He had a son come and die for us for our sins past present and future.

He forgave us our sins in Ephesians chapter 1 verses 7 and following then the Spirit of God in time came. He sealed us. He quickened us. He made us born again. So we might be adopted into the family of God.

He not only did it for Jews. But he also did it for Gentiles for people who were not associated with the things of God and knowing anything about God. He gave a man Paul the ministry of apostleship to go Specifically to the Gentiles to tell them this good news of a Messiah who is not only Jew who was Jewish but it would save people in the uttermost ends of the world and.

And God has done all this for us and that's basically a summary of Ephesians chapters 1 2 3. What I've just described and since God has done this now we are able to respond in kind we can obey. God has graced us.

Therefore we can obey. It's not the other way around obey. So we get grace. That's not grace then that's merit. But God has graced us now we can obey. Well, how should we obey and Ephesians chapters 4 5 6 are basically about two ways of obedience.

Number one church unity. Number two church holiness. Let's read a few verses here to catch ourselves up after the holiday periods have been over and we're back in Ephesians. Now look at Ephesians 4 17 and this is the way we used to live.

This is our old CV. This is our old resume. This described us verse 17. Therefore I will say And affirm together with the Lord that you no longer walk or live in a lifestyle. Just as the Gentiles are pagans also walk and how do they walk in the futility of their mind?

God gave them a mind to worship and it's just futile being darkened in their understanding. Excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them because of the hardness of their heart.

They haven't become calloused have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. And so Paul says that's the way we used to live. That kind of living will will incur God's wrath matter of fact.

It did back at the flood you can read Genesis chapter 6 verse 5 the same thing happened. But how should we live instead? And he turns on a dime wonderfully in verse 20 one of my favorite verses in the Bible and he says but you.

You Christians you Christians in a local church? Did not learn Christ this way. If indeed you have heard him and have been taught in him just as truth is in Jesus. That in reference to your former manner of life 17 18 19 you lay aside the old self he's dead he's gone.

Which is being corrupted in accordance with the lust of deceits and that you be renewed by the spirit of your mind and put on The new self which is in the likeness of God that has been created in righteousness and holiness of truth.

So Paul says your old life is dead and gone. C 'est la vie your new life is here. Well, what does it look like? Then he tells us in verse 25 with the series of do this don't do that and then the reason.

Do this don't do that and then the motive or the reason in the first one. He says in verse 25 therefore lay aside falsehood speak truth each one of you with his neighbor. What's the reason for we're members of one another?

Why would we say false things to one another? Then he gives us a command verse 26 be angry yet. Do not sin. Do not let the Sun go down in your anger. What's the reason because you don't want to give the devil an opportunity.

What's he saying verse 28 let him who steals steal no longer, but let him labor performing with his own hands. What is good in order that here's the reason you may have something to share with him who has need don't steal.

But work so you can give to other people. Verse 29. Let no one hold some word proceed from your mouth I think corrupt but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment.

Purpose that it may give grace to those who hear and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption and. Now we move to the very next one. There'll be a negative then a positive and then a reason and Paul lays out how to live a holy life in the church the local church let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and Slander be put away from you along with all malice and be kind to one another tender-hearted forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you and.

Putting Off Bitterness, Wrath, Anger, Clamor, and Slander

So we see this passage now where Paul says don't act the way you used to Act the new way like God imitate him and here's the reason. So let's go from the negative to the positive and the reason just like it's laid out Verse 31 to start the negative and let's just dissect this a little bit and that the whole time you can be asking yourself the question Do I still live this life?

It is described that should be indicative of my old life or do I still dabble in these things? And if I dabble God forgive me because I don't want to dabble with the verse 31. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you.

He says Put that away get rid of that. Get rid of that like a dirty suit get rid of that like you've got some kind of. I remember we trudged through the Woods back in Nebraska and get poison ivy all over our clothes and we couldn't wait to get out of those clothes.

Just get out of those clothes. He says get rid of those. Let them be removed and That word means to carry away. Listen to how it's used elsewhere Matthew 24 39 they did not understand until the flood came and took them all away.

So she'll be the coming of the Son of Man as the flood Sweeps everything away. You can watch it on TV. So let this old life of bitterness and malice just be swept away may it be done away. They said to Jesus away with him.

Let all our sins like this bitterness just be put away with be done with these now look at the first one, there's five and then kind of a Closing one but look at the first one bitterness. Now if you use this word with senses It means exactly what it says when you taste something bitter some kind of bitter ginger root or something a lemon.

I remember we were kids. We would love to see who could eat more lemons and all of a sudden you take a big bite of a lemon. Oh, what's the first thing that happens? I don't know the what the chemical reaction is or the biology of it, but your whole face just kind of curls up and Does weird things just the bitterness and I know a certain part of your tongue is more receptive to bitter things than than the other Parts, but this is not talking about something.

That's bitter food. He's not saying stay away from those foods. He's not saying the way say saying stay away from something. That's pointed or sharp because he also the word could also mean like a sharp point on the arrow.

This is figurative language. This is language that talks about let bitterness be put away. That means the the irritability the the resentment that kind of brooding. Hatred are being bugged at somebody for what they've done against you this sharp pungent Animosity that we have because somebody's sinned against you.

It says don't do that. One man described it as a brooding grudge filled attitude. In my own language, I wrote down the sour puss. But it's more than a sour puss it's more that you're sour and you're bugged and you're angry and you're brooding because Somebody has done something and it's hurt you hurt yours.

Martyn Lloyd-jones says bitterness is a state of the spirit. It denotes a sort of persistent sourness and an absence of friendliness. It is an unloving condition indeed is a condition which never sees any good in anything.

But always contrives to see something or some defect and deficiency. The person himself is jaundiced and bitter. Everything he looks at is tinged by the same thing in the quote. So you look at something you look at someone and they've hurt you.

So everything you see about that other person is no good. And this is remember in the context of the local church and if we're around each other enough we sinned against one another. So then the response of being sinned against is just that bad attitude.

So no matter what they do, it doesn't seem right. It doesn't measure up. That's why in the context of marriage in Colossians 3 Paul says to the husbands don't be embittered towards your wives. Same root word and.

As far as it goes this could be something that someone did to you and you're responding with bitterness or it could be imaginary. You think somebody did something to you or didn't do something to you and you still can be bitter towards them.

I think the best word to summarize this bitterness is a nursed grievance. That's those are two words, but I'm saying about that word nursed where you're just reflecting on it. You know how a baby nurses they cannot drink a super family gulp from 7-eleven 88 ounces 96 ounces in like three seconds.

Cannot just guzzle that down. You nurse something you eat it slowly and this is a slow eating away on the inside. I've been told that rattlesnakes sometimes can get so mad at other things. They bite themselves.

It's the same kind of thing. Sour this is what unbelievers are like not we as Christians. We've been saved. Romans 3 14 says of unbelievers whose mouth is full of cursing and Bitterness, that's what we used to be like he says get rid of that all manner of it.

He goes on to the next one. Instead of being bitter and cynical. There's something else we should be but he's not finished with the negatives yet. So let's go to the second negative wrath and IV translates it rage as.

The first word was best described by nursing. This word is best described by boiling. This is that passionate boiling that you have on the inside. Someone has done something against you real or imaginary and you have wrath.

It is boiling on the inside it comes quickly and goes quickly, but still it boils and It boils in the sense where it's got a little bit of revenge to it. Wrath is I'm going to get you and I'm going to serve you a revenge served cold.

It calculates it premeditates and it rises up and it automatically thinks now it's time to get you back. Latin translation is furor fury. Well, if this stays and settles it turns into anger the next word and anger.

Orgay is the word and this word is best if I pick one word as the first one was nurse. The second one was boiling. This word is fester. It now has a bitterness and an anger that doesn't subside and it just stays and it just kind of festers.

And it swells and it grows the next one. The tops got a blow sometime the water is going to boil and the steams going to come out. Clamor this means to shout out to cry out to blare out like a megaphone with stridency.

You just howl out and you get so bitter and you get so wrathful and you get so angry. You just have to yell. That's clamor. Everybody's awake, aren't they? Baptist yelling. It's a brawl. It's a tumult.

It's a shout. It's shouting back and forth in a quarrel now how bad it is if a husband and wife do it at home. And they're part of the church too, but he's talking about when the church gets together.

We should never have some loud argument in the church and I don't mean just in this building. But I mean within the church environment yelling back and forth. So I catch myself Tom sometimes when I raise my kid raise my kids when I raise my voice to the kids I already know I've blown it.

Because I should already have dealt with it and I had my yes BS and the kids obey versus me raising my voice. This word is used in Acts 23 9 and there arose a great Uproar and some of the scribes and the fair seat party stood up and began to argue heatedly.

It's also used of something that won't be in heaven. You should wipe away every tear from their eyes and there should be no longer any death no longer any mourning or no longer any crying. Wailing well, it starts on the inside with bitterness and then it's a little hot it comes and goes and then it gets even worse and you think about payback and then you yell and then the next thing you Do is the next one on the list?

Slander literally blasphemy. The context here is it not is not blaspheming against God. It's blaspheming or slandering other people. This is injurious speech. Directed towards others are directed towards someone else to influence them about someone.

What do I mean by that? You're talking behind people's back. You're trying to hurt them. With calculation to hurt and destroy and to tear down into the fame their character you do it with purpose. Backbiting and gossiping and tailbearing and you say I want to wound someone else.

Paul said that's the way you used to live. You can't live that way you're in the church anymore. And then he gives a word that kind of wraps it all up to give the general tenor of it. And he says with all malice, it's not an extra category.

It's just a general term of just with all evil some of the words. Earlier could be good things like anger. Anger can be a good righteous anger. But with this here, we know all these words are wrong with all evil.

That's the way we used to live. Titus 3 3 we were enslaved to various lusts and pleasures spending our life in malice or evil. Says don't do that. Now. What do you notice here? You see a progression? I do look at the progression.

Starts on the inside and starts getting nurse festered and explodes out on the outside then it's directed towards other people. There's a different definite progression of what's going on here. It's climactic.

So let's talk about the head of this a little bit more bitterness. I read this week in Jakarta, Indonesia according to the Associated Press Indonesian villagers claim to have found a python and I saw a picture of forty nine point two one feet long 1 ,000 pounds 49 foot long snake they are capable of eating animals as large as a sheep and have been known to attack and consume humans.

49 feet, how would you kill that? Squeezing contest. What do you have to do? Chop off the head is how you kill a snake. And so let's talk about bitterness a little bit more so we can chop that off because if you deal with bitterness.

That progression that sliding slope that goes down to wrath and anger and clamor and blasphemy, it's a lot Better. So let's take a look at this. I've found matter of fact people promoting bitterness on the internet.

Quote bitterness has a bad rap. Bitter people are often maligned accused of being a surly bunch of non-productive whiners who are seldom satisfied and never happy. This paints a distorted picture. However, since the bitter are in reality a fairly normal lot cursed with the ability to see the world as it is.

They're cursed. All right. Bitter people have always understood that the world is not fair. They have known for some time that the good guys don't always win. But people are often their own worst enemy.

Bitterness is not a condition of despair. It is an affirmation of reality. The willingness to call a spade a spade even when the opinion is unpopular and politically incorrect. The world is going to say bitterness is okay because they don't know how to get rid of it.

But in the church, there is no room for bitterness and this brooding and the sourness and this clouding and everything looks bad. You say well, I'm not bitter. Well, maybe not. Let me give you some code words to see if any of these root bitterness out for those of you that say I'm not bitter.

I just get hurt easily. I Think you need to ask yourself the question. Am I bitter? I'm upset easily. Here's some other words offended bothered annoyed irritated irate. Ticked off hot under the collar displeased perturbed bugged.

Distressed worked up now. None of those are emphatically all because of bitterness, but it could be. You commit a sin your conscience becomes guilty. Someone commits a sin against you and if you're not careful you become bitter.

And say well, how do I know if I'm bitter? Jim Wilson wrote the best little tract on bitterness and he has one major way to find out if you're bitter and I totally believe it. Do you remember details of the sins that people commit against you?

He says bitterness remembers details. You have had thousands of conversations in your life. Most of which you have forgotten but this one took place five years ago and you remember every single word his Intonation and the inflection of every part of his voice, you know exactly what happened which means you're bitter.

Some might object and say that it is also possible to have a good memory of a wonderful conversation. Is this possible? Yes, but not likely. Why is this because memory is helped by review review and more review.

People do not usually mull over the wonderful things as much but they go over and over and over the bad things. Wilson said I have done quite a bit of counseling with people who are in the process of getting divorced.

I have known some since the time they were married and at a happier time in their life. But at the time of the divorce, they cannot remember a single happy time. All they can remember is that which they have gone over and over and over they are bitter.

It's like the cartoon of a wife to a marriage counselor regarding her husband. And then do you know what he did on her honeymoon just 21 years ago? Because you play it over and over and over and don't let it go so you are.

Feeding your bitterness. You can ask yourself the question do I make lists? Something comes up and you you're with somebody your wife or you're somebody that you serve with all the time and they do something again.

And just write back to remember what you did on such and such a day. It's not in such time Paul says God says that that can't be in the church. So, what should you do? Well, if I gave all the young people here a project to go take all the dead leaves off the trees.

Your job today is to go take all the dead leaves off the trees. Better get the big ladders out. Go ahead and go for it as Lloyd Jones said the great thing about with God. He says not to do these things and if he ended there it'd be hard.

He could still say it but it'd be hard. But instead now he gives us the list of to-do things to get rid of the old things. In other words. This replacement theology the substitute theology is like the new green leaf that drop that comes out of the little stem or the branch.

Makes the old dead leaf automatically what? Fall off and so that's what he does. Don't do this and do this and now let's go to the to-do list. Let's go to the to-do to-do list. It's not to do because we're just moralist and you do it on your own.

We are who we are in Christ. We have the power to do it. It's an outflowing of chapters 1 2 3 and here he says, how do you get rid of these dead leaves of bitterness? Here put let these new green leaves become a reality.

Kindness, Tenderheartedness, and Forgiveness in the Church

Verse 32. Horrible translation in the NES and most others some don't even have a conjunction but the translation is but Become it is not be it is not and be it is but become but become. Kind to one another tender-hearted.

Forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you on The flip side the antithetical side don't do this, but do this instead. And he puts this positive behavior here three different things.

Tender-hearted kind, excuse me tender-hearted forgiving one another. Now you say what do you mean? It's not be well. The Greek word is not be it's become and here's what we mean by that. This is a process of development.

This is something that goes on over time. This is not when you get saved and you're just the perfect kind tender-hearted forgiving person but you start off understanding tender heart tender heartedness kindness and Forgiveness and you slowly become more and more through God's grace as time goes on to be this kind of person.

This is a behavior that's cultivated literally translated keep on becoming. Verse 31 get rid of that once and for all in the Greek this Started cultivate it and keep on going and going and going. Okay, what's the first one these are so wonderful.

The first substitute behavior the first kind of green Leaf replacement is kind to one another. Kind means sweet means generous. It means a disposition that thinks of its neighbors affairs. That's the best way to describe it.

It is other oriented and it is not just I feel kind. It is I feel kind so much that I'm concerned about the other person. I see their need and I'm used by God. So we've been sick for the last couple weeks and someone at the church gave us a meal.

I said to them in the parking lot got a couple meals actually and I said to them in the parking lot that was so kind of you and Then I felt like I had to explain for my sermon what kindness meant because kind would just throw these words out and so I said and I've just been studying this passage about kindness and kindness means that you So are you're so other oriented that you want to do something appropriate and fitting and useful for that other person.

And so you saw that our family was sick. And so you made us dinner. I was so kind. What a big change that is from being bitter and angry you can see the contrast big time. Instead of fault-finding it looks for opportunities to render assistance.

Opportunities to help and it's a really pleasant word. It's a neat word. The same words is used here of Christ wonderful yoke. Matthew 1130 for my yoke is easy. It's kind. It's useful. It's other oriented.

It's it's describing a mellow wine Luke 539. And no one after drinking old wine wishes for new for he says the old is good enough or kind enough. It's just mellow. It's useful. He said this to his enemies about his enemies.

Luke 635 about our enemies. Love your enemies and do good and lend. Expecting nothing in return and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High for God himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.

So Paul is saying Be like God. Matter of fact, this word is so close to the Greek word Christus. It's Christos now and Christos is kind. Christos is Christ. It's almost So close. It's like be like Christ.

It's be kind be sweet be used of God. Titus chapter 3 verse 4 and when the kindness of God our Savior and his love for mankind appeared in The Old Testament the word kind is used especially in the light get this of other people's sins as Israel was sinning to God God was yet and in the body life if you have any ministry experience at all or at the church for more than One free cookie week.

Somebody's probably going to offend you and you need to exercise Kindness to them in light of their sin in light of how they didn't do something for you or did do something for you. Sinned against you by thought word or deed or whatever.

We just want to be kind. God has made shown his kindness towards us. We show it to other people. Can't do it on your own. Fruit of the Spirit is love joy. Peace patience kindness. God says it's only through me, but I want you to be kind.

It thinks of its neighbors affairs as much as it own. One man said Love is patient. Love is what? Kind it does. John Wesley said do all the good you can by all the means you can and all the ways you can and all the Places you can at all the times you can to all the people you can as long as you ever can.

I would describe that as kindness. Kindness is not just the inner disposition is the disposition that is. That way and then sees a need and says like God who sees a need in the sinner's life as a redeemed Saints life.

I will go ahead and serve by the way. That's one more reason to say that Christianity is not just Sunday morning because how can you be a Sunday morning Christian and exercise kindness? It's too hard.

What's the next one. First one was kind. The second one is almost better. In a sense because it's easier to remember become tender-hearted. Become kind make it a process ongoing develop it now become tender-hearted.

The old days when there was a sacrifice, what would they sacrifice? Well, they would take out all the vascular tissues they take out the liver and the spleen and the the Kidneys and they would cut that out of the animal and they would set it up on the altar to worship.

Pagans would. Those things on the inside Would be known as the bowels literal bowels. What do they call that little sack that you get in the turkey? Got the gizzard and the heart. Giblets, yes, that's what this word is be giblets even furthermore being good giblets.

This word literally means be good bowel. Be well bowels. Have good guts. Have good giblets. It's exactly what it means now. Something's got to go on here. You've got not literally have good. I mean I used to be in the operating room and they would cut people open and literally take out not there not there a Vascular organs, but they would take out all their intestines.

Still connected, but they would take them out and sit them on this little tray next to them. So they could get down to some of the other areas to have surgery. Then they'd put them all back in and the person would wake up the next day.

Not so much having the incision hurt. But all their bowels and intestines hurt because they've been handled by human hands and nobody touches your intestines on a regular basis. I hope The Greeks used to think that the the compassion the heart of a person was was was this with a word called splinton?

It was your guts. And if you were you had good guts or good bowels. You were tender hearted. It's who you were and here he puts the EU in front of it, which means good. He says I want you to have a tremendous depth of compassion.

I want you to have feelings of emotion that are concerned about each other tenderness. And I wrote just as literally healthy bowels literally digest food. Well spiritually healthy bowels spiritually help the body and you have this disposition to pity and Compassion and you're concerned about other people.

Now, of course, we have to do that in the world. But this is all body life stuff. King James actually has the best part of the translation. It says B which isn't wrong, but it says ye which is right y 'all in the South.

That's what he's talking about. He's not talking about you. Mr. Christian you miss or mrs. Christian. He's talking about the church the local church that gathers here. We need to have good guts tender mercy and pity.

It's used of human compassion, but it's also wonderfully used of God's compassion Luke 178 because of the tender mercy of our God. It's used of Jesus Matthew 9 36 and seen the multitudes. He felt Compassion or pity For them because they were distressed and downcast like sheep without a shepherd.

It's only found one other place in the Epistles 1st Peter 3 8 to sum up that I'll be harmonious sympathetic brotherly kind hearted. That's that good bowled word. This is so much the opposite from be disconnected from them isolate yourself from them be cut off from them.

I couldn't care less about them. You don't know what they've done to me. I'm angry. I'm bitter. I'm wrathful not at all and then the last one become forgivers. The first one has become kind the second one has become tender hearted.

The third one is to become forgivers all local body all church related. Let's take a look at the passage in verse 32 of Ephesians 4 forgiving each other. Just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Now, I don't know if I'll be able to get done today.

Forgiving Each Other as God in Christ Forgave Us

But we're going to talk about forgiveness the rest of the time because this is how it's all summed up in a sense. This word has a root word and you know what the root word is. It's not the typical word for to forgive.

Forgive typically means to let go. You ever take a balloon and fill it full of helium. You go to Trader Joe's kids get free balloons. You walk outside and you have a little game. You let that balloon go and see how high it gets.

See how long you can keep your eye in it. Let go sails off. That's that word to forgive most of time in scriptures to let go. Off it goes this word isn't to let go somebody sinned against you you just let it go.

It's like water off a duck's back off. It goes this word. Isn't that what's the root word for this word? And it just explodes it with meaning some people say well I don't really want to get into Greek and study the words and I'd hate to get a Bible dictionary and have any work in Studying the Bible it pays off.

Here's the one of those payload words. You get the big 18-wheeler and that sound is going. As you back up and you're backing up the payload and here comes the payload. The root word is chorus. Just like our newsletter cars.

Now when you think of chorus, the first thing you think of is charismatic. But even further what is what does chorus mean? It means grace. It means freely bestowed it means giving something to someone who doesn't deserve it and Hence it has been used many times in scripture to summarize forgiveness.

They sin against you. They don't forgive. They don't deserve forgiveness from you, but you graciously give it. Anyway, you chorus them. To show favor to give freely. That's why if you take a look at the passage just as God in Christ has also chorused you.

I Don't know how many people will go think they're going to heaven and say I deserve to be here. Have you ever met somebody like that? I deserve to go to heaven. Grace is giving salvation to those that don't deserve it and it says in The passage of the verse 32 and be kind to one another there's a one another.

But now it has a different word. Forgiving not one another. One of the translation says that but that's not right forgiving each other. So now we go from forgive one another to something that's more emphatic and closer to the local body.

You need to forgive those who are in the church and literally it says forgive yourselves. That doesn't mean you sin and you say please forgive me. Yes, I do. You know you do that but forgive yourselves in the body.

We're to be forgivers of those here in the body that word chorus is used of forgiveness. Close to it. No, it used a forgiveness in Colossians 213 and when you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh He made you alive together with him having forgiven us all our trespasses having graced us car is to us.

Romans 8 32 he did not spare his own son, but delivered him up for us all. How will he not also with him chorus us all things if he gave us the largest gift won't he give us the littlest gift? Or a smaller gift.