How Do I Know When I'm Ready for Marriage?

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January 5, 2024

Join us on Bible Bashed to unravel the Bible's guidance on marriage readiness. From financial preparedness to emotional maturity, we explore the factors indicating one is prepared for this sacred journey. Don't miss these profound insights into a lifelong commitment.

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01:26: Welcome to Bible Bash, where we aim to equip the saints for the works of ministry by answering the questions you're not allowed to ask.
01:33: We're your hosts, Harrison Kerrig and Pastor Tim Mullett, and today we'll answer the age -old question, How do
01:38: I know when I'm ready for marriage? And this is one of those questions that I think all young people are itching to have answered all the time.
01:48: Right, Tim? Has that been your experience with this kind of topic in general? I think they're itching to, yeah, not talk about this at all.
01:56: They're itching to not talk about it at all. Probably at least not talk about it in the way that we probably would, right?
02:02: Right, right. Not talk about it as if there's any actual expectation that they would ever be, they need to be ready for anything.
02:10: Yeah, the distinction there is probably the need to be ready versus I just want to, whenever I want to get married, how do
02:19: I get ready for that, right? Yeah, most people related to this topic, they think that marriage is something that's just a completely personal choice that they make whenever they subjectively feel like they're ready to make it if that ever happens, right?
02:38: So then because there's this hypothetical category of singleness, which people biblically meet the parameters of that, like maybe .00001
02:47: % of the people in the world maybe meet that parameters for this category, they think because there is that category, then this is just a purely subjective choice that they can make whenever they want if they feel led, and when they feel ready, it's all based on their feelings.
03:08: And then the same thing is true of having children too. Having children is just a completely personal preference choice that they can make assuming that they want to one day.
03:18: So why don't we start there? Why is it that most people outside of that point,
03:25: I don't even remember how many zeros you put in there. There's a lot, yeah. But there's a lot of them. Maybe it was a little bit hyperbole, but it was something like that.
03:33: Setting aside that extremely small portion of the world's population, for those who do not fall into the category of the person who's meant to remain single for the purpose of some kind of ministry or something, what is the imperative?
03:59: Why are we saying, hey, it's not just something that you can just, if you want to go get married, if you want to have kids, why are you saying that these are imperatives that are like, no, you must do this?
04:15: Yeah, it's one of the easiest biologically verifiable realities that you can possibly imagine.
04:22: So on the one hand, I mean, this is just like, I mean, this is just biology 101. But then on the other hand,
04:29: I guess first words to the human race are be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. So God creates man his own image, and he tells him, be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it.
04:38: If that wasn't good enough, he says, it's not good for man to be alone in Genesis 2, so I'm going to make a helper fit for him, right?
04:44: To help him accomplish this being fruitful, multiply, fill in the earth, and subduing it. So you just open your
04:50: Bible, first chapter. You don't even have to get it. I mean, you just read through the first couple chapters, and you'll realize that God made man and told, like, he blessed them.
04:58: He said, be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. So God, like, the first thing he tells man is, you're made to reproduce, right?
05:06: And it's not good for you to be alone because you're not like a starfish or something or anything. Reproduce asexually, right?
05:15: Like, you have to, like, it's not good for you to be alone. You're going to need a helper fit for you. And I mean, like, the whole,
05:22: I mean, you read through the whole Bible, and you're going to realize that over and over again, like, read through the New Testament. It's appealing back to these very features that tell you, like, what marriage is, why it's there, you know, how men and women relate to each other.
05:34: So, you know, man is not created for a woman, but woman is created as a helper for man to help him fulfill these responsibilities.
05:40: But I mean, just look at the world that you live in, man. Like, just get some eyes, you know. See, like, there is a time.
05:47: Let me explain the birds and bees to people. There's a time. I should have put an explicit content on this.
05:55: There's a time where boys and girls, you know, start to undergo a transition from being boys and girls to men and women, you know.
06:04: And during that time, like, what do you think happens? They're, like, absolutely filled with sexual desire. Like, you know, post -puberty, men and women, boys and girls, they're just filled with, like, particularly men are filled with desires to do these very things.
06:20: And I mean, that's why every single advertisement you're going to see in TV and movies is about sex because sex sells.
06:28: And that's why people are so fascinated with this topic and obsessed with this topic. And there's all the problems that happen from individuals who are designed to do a specific thing and are basically saying,
06:39: I don't want to do these things that God has designed me to do in the context of marriage, right? So, you know, just look around the world that you live in, you'll see that people are performing the act that it takes to be fruitful and multiply outside of the parameters that God has given them to do this.
06:57: So, like, the issue is that people are not good at saying no to these biological created features of their design.
07:03: They're not very good at saying no to these things because they're made to do these things. But then, like, the issue is, like, that overwhelmingly points to the fact that they're creatures who are made with a purpose.
07:14: They're made with a design. So, God has designed the human race to multiply. He's filled them with desires to multiply.
07:20: He's filled them with hormones that are giving them desires, like, on the man's end, particularly, to be fruitful and multiply.
07:28: On the woman's end, He's given them hormones that make them want to be mothering. Like, they're going to mother something, right?
07:34: So, they're either going to mother a pet, they're going to mother everyone around them, you know, or they're going to mother a baby, you know.
07:41: So, like, the issue is that, like, overwhelmingly, we're living in God's world. God's designed us to be fruitful and multiply. He's told us this is why we're here, you know.
07:49: So, I mean, it really is, I mean, it's very much like as if you just imagine that, like, God made us a car or something like that.
07:54: And I've used that analogy before. But just look at, like, you're a car. You're made to drive, right? That's what you're made to do.
08:01: And it's just like a bunch of cars sitting around saying, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of like a choice. Like, I can drive if I want to drive.
08:07: How do I know if I'm ready to drive or not, you know? It's that kind of stupid discussion. I mean, it's about that dumb to where you have a bunch of cars sitting there saying,
08:14: I don't know why I'm here. You know, like, you like to drive. I don't know if I like to drive or not. You know, maybe one day I'll feel ready to drive.
08:20: I don't really know, you know. But it's like, well, what else are you going to do? You're just going to sit there? Like, what do you think you have wheels for, man, you know?
08:30: It's like you have wheels that are meant to turn if you turn the ignition on, you know, that kind of thing.
08:36: It's like, what do you think that's all made for, you know? I don't know. Who knows what it's made for, you know? Who knows why we're the way we are.
08:43: Right, right. I mean, it's just about that dumb, you know? So this discussion really is a stupid discussion. And then on top of that, you have
08:49: Paul, you know, explicitly telling Christians that it is better, you know, like if you're the person who's burning with that kind of passion, it's better to marry, right, than to burn.
09:01: Yeah, I mean, you only have one lawful outlet for these desires that you're filled with, you know?
09:07: I mean, the vast majority of men today are, you know, addicted to porn. The vast majority of, you know, ladies, young ladies today are sleeping around, fornicating, you know?
09:17: And a lot of men are doing that too, you know? So, I mean, like, you obviously, everyone wants to be in a relationship, you know?
09:25: Like, when you have kids who are just post -puberty, why do you think that they're all just pretending to be in marriages, saying, hey, we're dating, you know, whatever that means as a 13 -year -old person or something like that.
09:35: What do you think they're doing? Well, they're filled with these desires to be fruitful and multiply.
09:41: They're filled with these desires to couple, right? It's not good for a man to be alone.
09:46: And they're just trying to pretend. They're trying to act it out. They're pretending they're doing that without any of the commitment that's associated with that.
09:53: And so they're trying to get all the benefits of this, like you're designed for marriage apart from the commitment to marriage.
09:59: So you can have people say all day long, yeah, marriage is a personal choice, but they're not acting like it, right?
10:04: They're acting like they're made for a purpose. And they know they're made for a purpose. They just don't want to, you know, sin just makes us stupid, basically.
10:12: Right, right. So when it comes to, I mean, you were saying earlier that, you know, asking the question, how do
10:17: I know when I'm ready for marriage? You know, that's like a stupid question. So for the person, you know, asking that, what is the response?
10:27: Besides it's a stupid question. Besides it's a stupid question. If you can't say that, what would you say? I mean,
10:34: I think that, yeah, I think that there are additional, I think for a woman, like it's very different to answer that question for a woman than for a man.
10:43: But then there's a lot that I want to say about this. I don't know if I can get it all out at the same time.
10:49: But, I mean, there's a sense in which this question really isn't meant to be overly complicated. And people make it just so difficult.
10:56: Like they just, they make it mind numbingly complicated, even though conceptually it's just a very simple thing to answer, you know.
11:06: So, I mean, just imagine yourself like Russia invades or something. Okay. You have young men saying, how do
11:13: I know if I'm ready to go to war? Right? Uh -huh. It's like, what do you mean, how do you know if you're ready to go to war?
11:20: Right? Like either you go to war or we get conquered, you know. Like it's just about that simple.
11:26: So, there's an aspect to this discussion where it's just kind of a stupid question, basically.
11:33: Like meaning, if you get invaded by Russia, they've determined to go to war against you.
11:43: And at this point, you either pull out a gun and you defend yourself or you get conquered, right?
11:48: Or start learning Russian, huh? Or start learning Russian. Yeah, but the thing is, most people, they probably haven't prepared themselves for that moment adequately, right?
11:58: Yeah. Meaning, like you could be the kind of person who's preparing yourself your whole life for the
12:05: Russian invasion or something. So that when it happens, you're like, you're ready to go, you know. You're like,
12:10: I've been preparing for this my whole life. It'd really suck if you're the one who was preparing for the Russian invasion and then it's like the
12:16: Brazilians invade or something. Right. Something totally out of left. I was ready for the
12:21: Russians, not the Brazilians. But then there's part of it though where it's just like, yeah.
12:27: I think there's ways that part of what parenting is supposed to do is it's supposed to train young boys and young girls, prepare them to get married.
12:38: That's what it should be doing. So our job as parents is to train our kids to get ready for marriage.
12:43: That's what we should be doing. And I say that a lot of parents don't think about their job that way, like they're preparing their kids for marriage.
12:50: But then the reality is that regardless of whether or not you're prepared, there is like in the
12:57: Bible, there is this concept of an age of love, meaning that once you're post -puberty and you, wherever this time is, and I'm not entirely invested in defining this, but there is a time like puberty is normally the biological marker to where you have kids who are transitioning into their adult form, right?
13:17: So that's typically what puberty is meant to do is you're transitioning from children to adults at that point.
13:24: And then like in a biblical worldview, there isn't this category of a teenager, so to speak, that just some weird in -between or even worse like the young adult, right?
13:33: There isn't the category of the young adult. There's just children and then there's adults.
13:39: And at a certain point, you become an adult. You become accountable to the Torah. And that's part of what the
13:45: Jewish ceremony of the Bar Mitzvah is meant to do. It's like you're a son of the Torah now or the
13:50: Bar Mitzvah or whatever, daughter of the Torah. So like the issue is there is some age and typically it's around puberty, like when puberty ends, which can be different from person to person, but give or take, we kind of know where these biological markers are, where people transition from this time from childhood to adulthood.
14:13: But then the issue is that whenever that time comes, the
14:18: Bible would describe that as the age of love. So a good passage I bring up, and no one ever likes this passage, but I don't really care because it's a great passage that talks about this kind of thing, but Ezekiel 16,
14:30: God says to Israel, Ezekiel 16 .6, I passed by you. When I passed by you,
14:36: I saw you wallowing in your blood. I said, in your blood, live. I said to you, in your blood, live.
14:42: And then verse 7, I made you flourish like a plant of the field, and you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment.
14:47: So I mean that's that language of like biological maturation, right? You arrived at full adornment.
14:54: What does that look like? Well, it says your breasts were formed, your hair had grown, and yet you were naked and bare, right?
15:00: So like at a certain point, we know what this is. Women transition from girls to women, right?
15:08: Transition biologically. Same thing for men, right? We know what happens when boys start to transition in this way.
15:16: They start to smell bad and have hair growing, right? Like we know what it looks like.
15:22: They're appetites become insatiable. They just inhale as much food as possible. Yeah, they inhale food. Yeah, so I mean there's time of transition, and then you get past it.
15:32: You arrive at full adornment. But when I passed by you again, verse 8, and saw you, behold, you were at the age of love.
15:41: So there's a biological time where you're basically at this age of love where you're prepared to get married.
15:47: And what's happened is I think a lot of people, they just make it way more complicated than it actually is. And I think most of the difficulties come on the man's end and not necessarily on the woman's end.
15:58: So meaning like what does a woman technically have to do to be ready to get married?
16:05: Well, not much. I mean, go buy a dress and comb your hair and possibly take a shower.
16:11: Take one shower. That's about it, you know? I mean, now
16:16: I say that, and I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm just trying to say like what do you have to do? Actually, what do you need to do to prepare to get married?
16:25: Well, not much, right? So meaning like on the guy's end of things,
16:31: I mean, the preparation is a little bit more because what it means to be a husband is to be a provider in that way.
16:38: So Jesus, He goes to prepare a place for us that where He is, we might be with Him also.
16:44: So for a guy, I mean, there's a lot more hurdles, meaning you're going to have to figure out a way to provide for two plus one, right?
16:49: So you're going to have to have a means of provision that's going to be suitable for you, this other person, and then a baby.
16:56: But I mean, on the woman's end of things, all that really, I mean, technically all that she has to really do is just have a guy who's willing and be willing herself and then be ready to have a baby.
17:08: But I mean, you know you're ready to have a baby when you're biologically ready to have a baby. I mean, this idea of being ready for marriage is not really meant to be this emotional category where you're emotionally ready to do something.
17:20: Does that make sense? So I mean, think about it. If you think about it in the same way with the war analogy, if Russia invades, you better go to war.
17:31: Who all is emotionally prepared to go to war? I don't know. Most people who go to war, they don't know what they've gotten themselves into.
17:39: How do you know that you're going to be emotionally prepared to stand on the front lines and charge the enemy army?
17:47: I don't know that anyone's emotionally prepared to do it at any point. If you're waiting around to be emotionally prepared to have a kid or to get married, you may be waiting a long time, and that's why people are not getting married as quickly as what they used to be.
18:04: You know what I'm saying? Well, yeah. I think that's just a reality of life in general. It's just being able to do things that you're not sure if you're ready to do.
18:14: I mean, there's tons of things throughout life that everyone does, even if they're not sure if they're actually ready to do it emotionally or not.
18:25: That's just a regular part of life. So from the marriage and baby perspective, I mean, most people are going to tell you anyway that you're never going to be ready until you do it, and then you start learning how to be ready to do it.
18:42: That's what I mean. I mean, you can obviously prepare yourself better than nothing, right?
18:48: So the guy who's prepared his whole life to be a, you know, to fight against the Russians when they invade, he might be better equipped and better ready to go.
18:56: But I mean, there is a sense in which this, if you understand this to actually be a command, be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and to do it, right?
19:06: It's not good for man to be alone, but God's going to provide a helper fit for man in that way. If you actually think about these things as not just optional things, but actually just that God made you a car, you're designed to drive, right?
19:19: And then he's designed you to drive when you become an adult. Like if people just thought about it as simply as that, like you're a car,
19:27: God made you a car, and when you become an adult car, he's designed you to drive.
19:33: So you better get ready to that, to do it. Like if it's a command, it's a command. And if you think about it like a command, like a corporate command given to the human race, which you are a member of, this is
19:44: God's design for you. If you think about it that way, then everyone's going to feel afraid when they enter into new stages of life.
19:53: But that doesn't mean that the way you know you're ready to enter into a new stage is once you remove all the fear.
20:00: Does that make sense? Yeah. So any more than when the enemy army invades, how do you know you're ready to fight against them?
20:09: It's like, well, you better go do it, you know? When they invade. When they invade. Yeah, I mean, so the same thing is happening like when people become adults, their body is telling them that they're ready to do this thing that God called them to do.
20:22: And you can either respond to that in faith, saying, Lord, I believe, right?
20:29: Mm -hmm. You're God, you designed me for a purpose, I'm going to do what you've called me to do, right?
20:35: You can either respond in faith, you know, without fear, saying I'm going to trust you to be with me and to help me to be faithful to this purpose you've designed me to do, to fulfill, right?
20:49: So you can respond that way, but if you're just waiting around for all of your reservations to go away, it's just like you don't even know what this is going to look like until you actually do it, right?
20:59: Yeah. So, I mean, there's just this sense in which you should just respond in childlike faith and obedience, saying, here
21:07: I am, Lord, use me, right? Mm -hmm. I know what you've told me to do. And the thing is, if everyone had that attitude, if women were, if young girls were being trained to think, hey,
21:18: God's put you here for a purpose, right? Mm -hmm. He's put you on the planet in order to be fruitful and multiply, you're going to have desires that he's given you to have babies.
21:27: And you're going to try to take those desires and you're going to try to use, like, you're going to be told by society that, like, you can ignore those if you want, but you're not going to be able to escape them.
21:37: You're going to literally mother everything around you or else you can mother a baby, like God's called you to.
21:44: Right? Yeah. Like, you can pretend like God didn't call you to make babies, but, and you try to mother that, you know, those dogs that are going to die every few years and then you're going to have a dog funeral and you're going to cry and everything else.
21:55: Or you could actually, like, do what God called you to do. So, but the issue is if you had, like, ladies who were ready to get married who were saying, hey, this is why
22:04: I'm here, you know? I was created for men, right? I wasn't made independent of men. I was created for men.
22:10: I need to find a man to love, to honor, serve, to bear his children, right?
22:15: And to raise those in the fear and admonition of the Lord. That's what I needed to do. Like, I need to be available.
22:21: If you had ladies who were just saying, hey, here I am, I'm ready. And then you had men who were saying, you know what?
22:27: It's your job to provide for those women, so you better come up with a plan, right? Yeah. And not, you better come up with a plan in your late 20s.
22:34: You better come up with a plan earlier than that, right? Yeah. Because it's chaos when everyone just sits on all these desires for a decade or, you know, decade and a half.
22:44: Like, you better get ready, because there are ladies out there waiting on you to get ready, right? Like, so if there are ladies waiting for men, and men out there saying, we got to be men and provide for these ladies,
22:54: I mean, you might actually be in a situation where you can, you know, young men could rejoice in the wife of their youth and not rejoice in the wife of their old age.
23:04: And the wife of their 30s instead. Yeah. That's God's design. So, I mean, like, there's just so many passages like this, rejoice in the wife of your youth, that make no sense in a society that, like...
23:17: Rejoice in the wife of your 30s. Your geriatric wife. No, I mean, really, so I think that part of this discussion is, like, yes, like, you're ready to get married when you're biologically ready to get married.
23:30: Let's just, like, interject some reality here. That's the way it works. And the problem is,
23:36: I think society has put a lot of, like, hurdles and obstacles in the place of, particularly of men providing for a household.
23:44: So, like, you know, just a generic college degree anymore, it really isn't a great life plan that's going to help a man.
23:53: I mean, just getting some kind of, you know, generic degree isn't really going to help you provide for a family.
23:59: And in order to do it, you really have to have a lot more specialized education. You know, and a lot of young men, they really do need to think about going to, you know, pursuing a trade or something along those lines so that they can be ready quicker, you know.
24:14: And then you have a lot of ladies who aren't being told to, you know, prepare themselves for marriage.
24:21: They're preparing themselves for a career, right? When they're getting themselves into thousands and thousands of dollars of debt, you know, going to prepare themselves for a career when they should be preparing themselves for marriage.
24:32: Which, I mean, you know, it might involve learning how to cook and learning how to clean and, you know.
24:39: How dare, how, I just want to say on behalf of all women everywhere, Tim, how dare you? Yeah, I know.
24:47: You know, putting the joking aside, I mean, you know, I have two daughters and, you know, one of the main priorities with them is as soon as possible teaching them how to do all of these, you know, all of those like homemaking type things along with, you know, obviously like teaching them about God and the gospel and teaching them the scriptures and, you know, encouraging them to put their faith and trust in Christ.
25:14: Secondary to that, I'm trying to, you know, my wife and I are trying to teach them, you know, this is what
25:22: God designed you for. I want you to know how to do this and I want you to do it well because one day, you know, like your role in marriage is going to be the homemaker, the one who is taking care of the children and I want you to be like, essentially the way
25:38: I'm looking at it is I want my daughters to be the type of daughters that everyone would want to marry basically, you know.
25:46: And I think about that like that too. I mean, it's like, hey, I'm preparing my daughter to be the kind of woman that some man should want to marry, right?
25:57: So I can either help her like be a desirable marriage partner or I can just train her to be a thorn in some poor guy's side for the rest of his life.
26:07: Yeah, and obviously, I mean, you know, I think there's more that goes into being, you know, like,
26:13: I mean, in the context of having daughters, I think there's more that goes into it than only like, hey, you know how to take care of a household.
26:21: But I think that is, you know, in terms of like, what does it take to be a desirable marriage partner?
26:26: I think there's a lot more that goes into it than just, you know, knowing how to take care of a household. But then for, you know, for women, that is a, that is an extremely large aspect of, in my mind, like preparing for marriage is understanding how do
26:41: I know how to do these things going into marriage as opposed to trying to learn all of them while also trying to adjust to living with another, you know, another person that I've never lived with before.
26:56: Yeah, I think you definitely, like if you prepare well during your childhood years, then that'll be a blessing to everyone around you.
27:04: So, I mean, that's certainly true. But then I think, you know, and I think a lot of that, yeah, for ladies, a lot of that does involve like learning how to cook and clean and be domestic and do the laundry.
27:15: And I mean, yeah, if you're going to homeschool your kids, which you should, you know, or be putting them in some sort of Christian education or something along those lines,
27:24: I think, yeah, you're going to have to know, you're going to have to have some kind of education too.
27:30: You're going to have to know certain things. So, you know, there's obviously homeschool horror stories that happen when, you know, ladies who are barely literate don't know how to teach your kids anything.
27:41: So that's obviously true. I mean, I think like being a hard worker and there's all sorts of traits that you can make your marriage better.
27:48: But then I think when it comes right down to it, though, like there's part of this discussion that just involves whenever you reach the age of love, like as the
27:59: Bible defines it, like when you reach the age of love, like if you just sit on that for a decade, you're just useless.
28:09: You know what I'm saying? Like in a very real sense. I mean, you're not doing the kind of things that God's assigned you to do. So whether men or women, like what's happening is that you have a lot of men and women who are just devoting themselves to worthless things when they're not devoting themselves to the best kind of things in that way.
28:25: And so you can look at it and say, well, I don't feel like I'm emotionally prepared for marriage yet. It's like, well, okay, well, I guess you're just gonna make a train wreck of your life for the next 10 years, opening yourself up to all sorts of temptations, right?
28:37: And opening everyone else up to temptations around you because you didn't feel emotionally ready or something like that. So like there is a very real sense in which, yes, like, okay, prepare as good as you can, but...
28:49: And then figure out, and then from there you got just figure it out, man. And I think it doesn't make a lot of sense if you really think about it because the
29:00: Bible says that to find a wife is to find a good thing. And like children, going even further, children are a gift from the
29:09: Lord. And so it just, in my head, it never really... And to be, in all honesty, like I was the person saying a lot of these things way back when
29:18: I was trying to figure all this stuff out for myself. I mean, you were there for some of that, like particularly with the children aspect of it, but it just doesn't make a lot of sense to say, hey,
29:30: I'm just not emotionally ready to receive this gift. It's kind of like, yeah.
29:36: If you turn back to the car analogy, I mean, it really is like a car who you're...
29:44: If you can imagine like the car is being pieced together or whatever else, and then it comes to its full form at adulthood at 18 or whatever it is, right?
29:52: And so it's finally transformed into a fully functional car at that point, right? So let's just go with that analogy for a second.
29:59: But then it's like a car just sitting there saying, well, driving on a road is a big responsibility and I don't know if I'm ready for this yet.
30:06: And it's just like, well, what are you going to do then? You're just going to sit there in the driveway for a decade?
30:12: Yeah. And that's the problem. The people who say... I mean, I was that person and I was the one saying, hey, we'll have kids whenever we have kids, but not yet, not yet.
30:26: And then like, hey, when we're ready, we'll have them. But then the problem was
30:31: I was never trying to get ready. And the people saying the same thing, like, hey,
30:37: I'm just not emotionally ready or I'm just not ready, whatever that means.
30:42: They're not... More often than not, they are not trying to get ready in any way whatsoever.
30:49: They just want to do all of the things that they want to do and they know if they get married and they know if they have children, then those things are going to hinder.
30:57: You know, they're like playing video games or traveling and seeing the world or their career or whatever it is.
31:03: So they're not getting ready. They're not. And that's what I mean. So like you imagine that car just sitting there saying, hey,
31:09: I don't feel emotionally ready to drive. It's like, yeah, well, you're structurally, you're ready to drive. And then you're filled with desires to drive.
31:16: So what are you going to do? It's like, well, you know, most of those cars are not just going to sit in the driveway, right? They're going to do some illegal street racing or something.
31:25: I mean, but like the thing is like, what are you going to do? You're just sitting there not doing the main thing that you're designed to do as a human being, right?
31:33: So, I mean, if you think about the way the Bible works, there's two corporate commands given to the human race. One, fill the world full of people.
31:40: And that's what you see in Genesis 128, be fearful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. And so, you know, you have the creation mandate there.
31:48: And then you have the great commission, fill the world up full of disciples. And so what you have is you have, you're put here for two main purposes, to make new people and to tell them about God.
31:59: That's why you're here, right? Like, that's why you're here. Like, that's what you're here for. So like the idea that you just don't feel emotionally ready, like you're a car that doesn't feel emotionally ready to drive or something.
32:10: Like most people would think, like in most, like in previous generations, you would think, oh, that's pathetic, right?
32:19: You know what I'm saying? Oh, you don't feel ready to drive that man, like you're a car, you have wheels, like you're just, what do you think you're here for?
32:27: You know? Like, what do you think you're, and it's just about that absurd, you know, the person who's saying he's not emotionally ready to do like the main structural thing that God designed them to do.
32:37: Right? It's like, what do you think you are? You're not a plane, right? You're like, you're not a plane. You're not a train.
32:43: You're a car. What do you think God put you here for? It's like, wow, that's a lot of big responsibility to do that.
32:49: It's like, no, that's the very reason why you're here. You know, that's what you're here. Like, wake up. That's what God's called you to do.
32:54: And so I think, I think a lot of it is, yeah. Yeah, if the car just goes out and drives, yeah, maybe they get in a wreck and maybe they kill some people and maybe they do, you know, because they weren't, you know, emotionally ready and all that.
33:07: But I mean, like, there's going to be a body count in other ways if you just sit there and don't do anything either.
33:13: And that's, so there's dangers on both sides, and that's kind of why I'm trying to use these other kind of analogies because it's not as if you just sitting there doing nothing for a decade doesn't come with a significant cost as well, right?
33:25: Right, yeah. So like, it's the same thing with like the enemy army invades. What do you think is going to happen if you just sit there because you're not emotionally ready to fight?
33:34: Right. It's like, well, I guess you're getting enslaved then, man. Like, what do you think is going to happen? And it's that kind of thing, like with people who are saying they're not emotionally ready to do this.
33:42: It's like, I don't care what your emotions say. God tells you to be fruitful and multiply. You better get up off your butt and go do it.
33:48: You know, and you can look at our society, you see the train wreck that has resulted from, you know, entire generations of people thinking that they need some kind of emotional security blanket as a prerequisite to do the basic things that they're called to do.
34:04: And it's like, you don't need that. You just need to be faithful. You need to step out in faith. Now, there's people who are going to prepare better and there's people who are going to prepare worse.
34:12: But then, you know, if you're one of those people who didn't prepare well for it, sitting on those desires for a decade and a half isn't going to help you.
34:20: You know, you're just going to reap the bitter fruit of all that in a different direction. Well, I think you're saying a lot of that.
34:26: Like in South Korea right now, they're dealing with a pretty big issue where they have a very large, at least, you know, compared to their entire population, they have a very large population of elderly people who are not able to work anymore.
34:43: And then the generations below them, they weren't invested in having, you know, creating families, having children, and building up the next generation.
34:54: And so, what you have is this sort of, with a normal population, the way that it's supposed to, you know, be if you think about like the different age groups is it's essentially supposed to look like something like a pyramid, you know, where the smallest part of it is the elderly people, meaning the elderly people make up the smallest part of the population.
35:19: And then all of the generations below them are meant to be supporting the elderly, that smallest portion of the population.
35:27: Well, in South Korea, it's the exact opposite, where the younger generations are significantly smaller than the older generations.
35:36: And so, you have, I mean, you have a lot of people who essentially are, you know, are going to be dependent on the younger generations to support them once they can't work anymore.
35:47: But then there's just not going to be enough people to support all of them. And so, they're facing a lot of issues right now over this, all because people did not value creating families and then, you know, having babies through those families.
36:04: And that's going to happen. I mean, I know everyone's like so scared about the whole, oh, we're overpopulating the earth, you know, nonsense.
36:13: But then the reality is the minute that you take the focus off of the family unit, society essentially collapses because the family unit is what builds up society in the first place.
36:25: And God knew that. That's why He commands, you know, that's partially why He commands us, you know, to get married and to have children and to have, you know, a lot, not just like one child, you know.
36:37: And not that there's like a, here's the number of children you need to have to honor the Lord. But...
36:44: But... Same thing's happening with China, though, too. Yeah, I think they're having the same issue, especially because they were...
36:51: The one -child policy. Yeah. Because of the one -child policy, I mean, I think there's like 40, I don't know if it,
36:58: I think I heard it was 40 million, like, Chinese males that are never going to get married, basically.
37:05: Yeah, yeah. It's a significantly large portion of the male population. Yeah, and, you know,
37:12: I won't describe some of the horrendous things that they're doing trying to take care of those bodily urges, you know, which are just unspeakable, like, in that way.
37:24: Right. Because they're just, you know, and that, I mean, that's just what happens when you have human beings who are designed for marriage and they're filled with certain biological desires and biological urges to do certain things, and then there's no lawful outlet for that.
37:39: You know, chaos begins to ensue, particularly if you don't have the spirit to indwell people to help them to contain their, you know, biological urges and suffer.
37:48: But, I mean, you can make a mess of things just by, you know, like making a one -child policy in China where, you know, the girl daughters were killed and the boy sons were the ones who were kept.
38:01: I mean, you can create a nightmare dystopian kind of scenario like they're facing right now because of those various reasons.
38:08: But then I think the thing is, like, Dick, if you're talking about, you know, what does it mean to be ready to be married?
38:13: Well, I mean, I think in a very simple sense, just look at Ezekiel 16. God's designed there to be a biological age of love.
38:21: That's when you become an adult. You've reached the age of love. And, you know, for a woman, like,
38:27: I don't really think there's a whole lot to, I mean, really, objectively speaking, there's really not much to it, to being ready for being married other than,
38:39: I mean, functionally, it's just you need a guy who will marry you, right? And a guy who's going to provide for you.
38:45: And, you know, how do you get that? Well, maybe have a nice dress or something like that. No, I mean,
38:51: I'm not trying to be sarcastic. I'm just trying to say, like, literally, what does it take? Like, there's not that many hurdles for you, you know, to be ready other than just facing your fear and saying,
39:02: I'm ready to do the things God's called me to do, you know, better or worse, right? So you can be prepared better to do them.
39:09: You can be prepared worse to do them. But you don't have any roadblocks or obstacles as a woman to be ready to be married.
39:15: I guess the hardest part for them would probably be finding the guy who can actually support them.
39:25: Yeah, being found. Yeah, I mean, assuming you have a willing male, I mean, what else is there to it? Yeah, I guess there's better and worse ways to be prepared.
39:34: But then from a literal, like, can I actually get married? Yeah, there's nothing to stop you, right? Am I ready to have kids?
39:40: Yeah, there's probably nothing to stop you, right? I mean, you don't even have to do anything.
39:45: You just passive let it happen, you know what I mean? Like, in that way. And so I think on the man's end, yeah, what we need is we need a lot more men who are saying, hey,
39:57: God's called us to be married. We need to better prepare to take care of a family. And on the lady's end, what you need is a lot of ladies who are saying, hey, we're not going to be afraid of these things
40:07: God's called us to do and not pretend like there's emotional hurdles to being willing to be faithful, right?
40:13: Yeah. So there shouldn't be some emotional hurdle either way like this.
40:18: I don't know if I feel ready to be not. But you are. You're at the age of love. You are, right?
40:25: So your feelings are irrelevant. Who cares what you feel like? Actually, if you're a man, you should be seeking a woman.
40:33: And if you're a woman, you should be being available to be sought. And so because God does say rejoice in the wife of your youth, and that's impossible to do if everyone is just emotionally crippled and unable to face reality.
40:47: But then, yeah, I think there's a lot of things that ladies should be doing to get prepared, men should be doing to get prepared in the meantime.
40:54: Well, that was what I was going to ask you. If you flip this on it, if you look at the other side of this, are there,
41:04: I know we've kind of talked a lot about the emotion, like, hey, am I emotionally ready? But then are there certain things that might lead a guy or a girl to say, you know what, no,
41:19: I'm legitimately not ready for marriage. And if there are, then what are those things? Yeah, I think if you're – so I think there aren't anything that would say you're not, other than, like, if you're a paraplegic or something and you can't perform the responsibilities of marriage, then it may be that you're the eunuch that God describes in the
41:48: Bible. Does that make sense? Uh -huh. There's some who – so, like, if you're not able to be fruitful and multiply, then whatever you have, you're not in a marriage.
41:59: You're just in an opposite -sex committed celibate friendship or something like that, right? So, like, the definition of marriage in the
42:06: Bible is two become one. So, for this reason, man will do his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, two will become one flesh.
42:12: If you're not biologically able to do that, that would be a limitation to say, but you're not – marriage isn't for you.
42:21: But that wouldn't be so much as something saying you're not ready to be married. Okay. That's just to say that you're a eunuch.
42:27: Do you get what I'm saying? Uh -huh. So, there's men who have been made eunuchs from birth. So, eunuchs are not ready to be married, but then they'll never be ready to be married.
42:35: Do you get what I'm saying? Uh -huh. Yeah. So, there's nothing, like, in the Bible that says, hey, like, these are the steps to get married, other than, like, for a man, you have to be ready to provide for a household.
42:45: You have to be ready to do that. Do you get what I'm saying? So, you have to physically have the ability to provide for a household.
42:54: So, if you're living in your parents' base, but you don't have a job, you're not, as a man, ready to be married, right?
42:59: Uh -huh. But then the woman in that arrangement, she could be ready to be married, but she's waiting for you to get your act together. You get what
43:05: I'm saying? Yeah. So, there wouldn't be anything keeping her from being physically ready to be married.
43:12: So, I mean, that's a distinction to be made along those lines. And the only thing that would be keeping the couple from being able to be married is the guy's financial readiness in that way.
43:22: Now, like, you think about it another way. What are some things that would help prepare? You could ask it this way.
43:29: Maybe this is what you're trying to ask, like, are there things that would make marriage easier, right?
43:36: What are some ways to prepare in such a way to make marriage easier for both parties, right?
43:42: Uh -huh. Yeah, yeah. All right. So, there's things you could do to prepare yourself better, you know?
43:51: But, I mean, in terms of just, like, actual limitations, I can't really think of very many limitations other than, you know, financial provision, let's say, of a husband.
44:00: Possibly, you know, you're in prison or something like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Or until you get out of jail or something, you know?
44:08: But, I mean, like, you're not dealing with, like, absolute limitations of that. You're just dealing with, like, there's very few absolute limitations along those lines.
44:19: But, yeah, no. So, I think, yeah, a guy may have a provision plan in the works that he's working on that's like, hey,
44:28: I got two more years of college and then I'm done. And then I'll be ready. And that may or may not be wise, you know, to do.
44:33: I mean, I would say don't enter into marriage unless you're ready to provide. But there's a lot of things I think you could do to make yourself a better marriage partner in general and make it a lot better.
44:42: So, I mean, I think godliness, self -control, right? Self -control. Like, marriage does involve a lot of self -control.
44:49: It does involve a lot of other -centeredness. I mean, the secret to being a good marriage partner is to be a good Christian. So, you know, knowing your
44:56: Bible. Like, you know, you put two people who have never read their Bible before in their life into a marriage coming together.
45:02: Yeah, I mean, they're ready to be married, but they may not, you know, they may be making things a lot harder on themselves.
45:08: So, like, yeah, if you make a lot of progress in genuine selflessness, if you have a good understanding of your roles of marriage, like what you're actually doing, what you're stepping into, that would save a lot of headaches.
45:20: If you have an understanding of what the Bible says about childbearing, about raising children, you know, all those things that would go a long way.
45:28: You know, if you know about your roles, you're ready to take on your roles in both ways, like a woman's ready to be a homemaker, a woman's ready to have children.
45:35: Those things would go a long way. I mean, I think having ability to resolve conflict, if you have some experience resolving conflicts and resolving difficult situations, learning to talk, you know, learning not just to argue.
45:48: I mean, all those things are good, you know, but I wouldn't want to treat any of those things as if they're, like there's a lot of on -the -job training, essentially.
45:57: Does that make sense? Yeah, there's definitely a lot of stuff that, you know, maybe you think you're ready for and then you get into it and all of your sin gets revealed that you didn't even realize was there.
46:10: I know that happened, you know, for me getting married and then later on having children. I had all of this, you know, sin, especially as it related to, like, selfishness that I didn't even know was there.
46:22: And I don't know if I ever, you know, hopefully I would have at some point, but I'm not sure if I ever would have realized just how selfish
46:31: I was until I, you know, until I got married and had children. And a lot of it got revealed through those, you know, taking on those new commitments.
46:41: So, yeah, on -the -job training, that sounds about right. It's like basketball.
46:48: You know, I played basketball in high school or whatever, and we would vow every time before basketball season started that we would get in shape before basketball practice started.
47:00: You know, so every summer we thought, all right, we need to run. We need to start running and getting in shape so it won't be miserable so that we could get ourselves ready for basketball season when basketball season started.
47:10: But the problem was that we never did that. And then when basketball season started, the issue is when it started, it started.
47:17: And when practice started, practice started. And if you were ready, I mean, you were ready or you weren't ready, you know, and none of us were ever ready for it.
47:24: So what that meant was we would run until, like, someone puked. You know, so the first person to puke would, like, relieve us all from our running of that kind.
47:33: But I don't think we were ever the ones who puked first. But, I mean, it was just, like, it was miserable for the first few weeks, and then you get used to it, you know.
47:39: So I think marriage is kind of like that, and having kids is kind of like that. I mean, there's a lot of things you can do to be responsible and not, like, go into basketball practice, like, wanting to throw up.
47:54: You know, so, I mean, and those things are just kind of, I mean, they're simple to think about, you know, as it relates to basketball.
48:01: You kind of think, like, you want to run, you know, you want to run, you want to get in shape, you want to get used to that.
48:07: But a lot of people aren't self -motivated. But then, like, the issue is once it starts, it starts, you know. And so I think a lot of marriage and a lot of having kids, it's just like that.
48:15: It's like being faithful to do the next thing. And it's like if you're waiting for some time where you're just going to feel like you're emotionally ready to take the next step.
48:23: I mean, you're never going to feel that way. I mean, really. I mean, there's some people who –
48:29: I mean, I think I was a little bit abnormal with marriage and things like that in that I read so many marriage books before marriage and tried to prepare myself in every way imaginable.
48:39: I mean, I read secular psychology, like, marriage books, and, like, biblical marriage books. And, I mean,
48:44: I did everything I possibly could to know what I was getting myself into and know how to resolve problems and all that kind of stuff.
48:52: I mean, but it's just like, hey, when you have an opportunity, you have an opportunity and you take it. And then the issue is it's not going to be like it is in all the books.
49:01: And you're going to have to go get your books out again and figure out which chapter this is. Like, which chapter am I on again?
49:07: It's just that kind of thing. So it's just – I mean, you can –
49:12: I think, yeah, the best – people with the best marriages – like, the issue is the people with the best marriages are the ones who, yeah, they read a bunch of marriage books before marriage.
49:21: They knew what they were getting themselves into. They talked through how they're going to deal with things. They had a plan.
49:27: They talked through the – I remember before I was married, I would just go to all the old people in my life, and I would just say, hey, tell me, what are the hardest things in marriage?
49:37: What are the biggest struggles that you've been through? What are the things that were surprising? And I would just ask them those kind of things.
49:43: I think that's what young people should be doing. Go find old people and ask them all the questions that you can ask them in order to get yourself prepared.
49:50: But then what I'm trying to say is there is a biological time where God has designed you to get married, and you can fight that all you want, and you can pretend like it's not going to happen, and then you can just be thrown into basketball practice, like puking or whatever at the very beginning.
50:06: But the thing is you'll catch up real quick if you have the Spirit of the Lord in you. Right. If you have the
50:11: Spirit of the Lord in you, you'll catch up, and there's no way to anticipate everything that's going to happen.
50:18: It's going to be hard. No matter how well you prepare, it's going to be hard. But you can just be afraid and put it off for a decade, and then you'll get all the problems that come from that.
50:30: Right. Just waiting indefinitely doesn't do you any good either. So it's like, all right, well, practice has started.
50:37: You better go to practice. And I think people should be encouraged, too. Obviously, marriage is hard.
50:44: It's not an easy thing. Having children is hard. It's not like this easy thing. But then both of those things, even though they're hard, that doesn't mean that they're not fun or they're not worth it in the end.
50:56: Unless you just choose an absolutely terrible spouse or something, marriage is worthwhile, and having children is worthwhile.
51:08: So, yes, they are hard. Yes, there's a lot of stuff that you can do if you're wise to get ready.
51:14: But then they're enjoyable things, unless you're just a totally self -absorbed person in every way possible.
51:22: And even if you are, God can change you. He can sanctify you if you're pursuing these things anyway.
51:30: That's what I ask people. I ask you guys at our church this because this was my experience with kids and everything else, but people would ask, what's the difference between having one kid and having two kids?
51:44: Or what's the difference between having two kids and having three kids? Because once you have three kids, you go from man -to -man defense to zone defense.
51:55: The thing is, it's just the same thing. If you have this emotional readiness check that you're running at every single conceivable stage,
52:05: I don't know what to tell you other than, you get married and you go from...
52:10: The issue is, as a single person, you get to manage all your time. The way you want. You get married, you have another person in there, and that's a massive check to your selfishness right there.
52:21: And so you either fight it or you go with it because it's more blessed to give than receive. But if you go with it, the issue is you have a kid.
52:30: You just say, okay, we're going to be faithful. We're going to have a kid. Your fears about that kid are probably a lot more exaggerated than what it's actually like having that kid.
52:40: So I think in person after person at our church that has been afraid of having kids after they had the kid,
52:47: I've just looked at them and say, hey, how was it? And they're like, eh, it's not that bad. And then you have an extra kid and it's just like, well, you go from having a little bit of free time, you get on your second kid, it's like, well,
53:01: I don't have hardly any free time at this point. And then by the time you have your third kid, it's like, all right, I have no free time. You either resent that or you just keep on going with it.
53:09: But it's just like having three kids is not any different than having two kids. Having four kids is not any different than having three kids or even having two kids.
53:17: Having five kids is not any different. It's just the next thing. And God will, like the
53:22: Bible talks about, don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. It's efficient today or the troubles are up. And just take it one step at a time.
53:28: Instead of just being afraid at every single step, you just say, hey, we're just going to do what God called us to do and then let him worry about it.
53:36: And it's just the same stuff. And he'll just mature you as he matures you.
53:42: And yeah, I mean, I think it'd be better if everyone read a bunch of marriage books before marriage and talked to a bunch of old godly people before that and got a clear understanding of their roles.
53:52: And yeah, that would make everything a lot simpler. But then I think what the reality is, just be faithful and prepare the best you can and trust
54:00: God with whatever preparation you did or didn't do and just be faithful because the alternatives are even worse.
54:06: Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, I think that's a good place for us to wrap up the conversation on.
54:13: So we want to thank all you guys for listening. Our hope is that this has been a conversation that has maybe opened your eyes to a lot of these things or given you confidence or at least steps to take to start preparing, depending on where you're at in this process, whether you're married or wanting to get married.
54:32: Our hope is that we can help equip you to try and tackle this in the most
54:37: God -honoring way and in the wisest way possible. So thank you for listening.
54:43: Thank you guys for supporting us and interacting with us on social media. And we look forward to having you on the next one.
54:50: This has been another episode of Bible Bashed. We hope you have been encouraged and blessed through our discussion. We thank you for all your support and ask you to continue to like and subscribe to Bible Bashed and share our podcast with your friends and on social media.
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55:25: Now, go boldly and obey the truth in the midst of a biblically illiterate world who will be perpetually offended by your every move.