Christian and the Sex Ethic (Part 2)

No Compromise Radio Thanks for tuning in to No Compromise Radio with pastor and author,

Dr. Mike Abendroth. Today on No Compromise Radio, we'll be hearing Pastor Mike open the

Word of God in a recent message he preached at Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston, Massachusetts.

Now let's join Pastor Mike in progress as he preaches through the Scriptures, verse by verse with no compromise.

What does the Bible teach about sex, the sex ethic and the Christian? Paul says sexual fulfillment is good in a marriage.

Do you notice the language here? Each man his own wife, each woman her own husband. Polygamy, out.

Polyandry, out. Concubines, out.

Each man, each woman. And we're going to get into this a little bit more. There's no language of the woman's a slave, the woman's a thing, the woman's an object.

They were thinking this way back in these days in Corinth and some Jewish thought coming into that you pretty much own your wife.

She had to do what you had told her to do and she was second class citizen. We're going to see in this passage, you want to see the first equal rights movement?

It's by Paul because Jesus believed in equal rights as well. And there are equal rights even, may

I say it, in the bedroom. The ESV says temptation is sexual immorality.

NAS is right because the original is sexual immoralities. Just think of all the stuff going on and the prostitutes who descend from the hill of worship and all these other things going around.

It was just a sex sick society. And he says because of these temptations, because of the temptation to sexually sin, each man should have his own wife.

And what that have is is exactly what touch is. To have means is to have sexual intimacy.

It doesn't mean to have like I own a pencil and I own a protractor. This is the wife has the husband, the husband has the wife.

There's a mutual symmetry here that's just wonderful. The husband can't say, by the way, like the

Jews allowed him to say, I'm going to have a special time of prayer and I'm going to especially get to that lofty, spiritually sublime goal that can only happen while I'm abstaining from the marriage bed.

And I'm going to go off on a retreat for a while. And sorry, that happened. Paul won't allow that.

Paul won't allow a marriage, even today, your marriage to say, you know what? We kind of move past that.

We have our kids and they're out of the house and, you know, we got married and that's for the honeymoon. But now, you know, we're past that.

We don't need that anymore. I don't want to be rude, but you should have thought about that before you were married, because on the marriage day that you were married, you said,

I do. To a lot of things, including commitment to your spouse, sexually should have.

How about this? It's an imperative. It's a command. All sex before marriage, it's always a sin, all sex inside marriage.

It's a delight to you, to your spouse, to God. It's something that honors God. And it's a command.

Can you imagine it's a command? And so therefore, if you're here today and husband and wife are no longer together and you're able to, it is a sin.

And you need to back up to rehearse the gospel. Well, he doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve it.

He does this. She does that. May I just remind you, let's just go back to step one. Rehearse the gospel.

What do you all? What do I deserve? How do you help your spouse?

How do you deal with sexual temptations? Paul says it's in the marriage bed, the mutuality of conjugal rights.

Basically, Paul is saying in this context, there are other passages that talk about sex other ways.

But in this passage, Paul is saying this married people should have sex regularly and often enough that there's no frustration or temptation to go outside the marriage.

Number two, how do we glorify God with our bodies if we're married? If you're married, you have an obligation to your spouse to have sexual relations.

The first ones, it's a command regularly here. It's the obligation. So it's different terminology.

It's basically everything here says the same thing. Just trying to divide it up a little bit. According to the passage, verse three, look at the mutuality.

Look at this equal rights. This is not woman, you know, me, Tarzan, you,

Jane kind of language. This is, she's an image bearer. You're an image bearer. The husband should give to his wife for conjugal rights.

Doesn't use sex as a weapon, sex as a punishment. No, I'm not going to because you did this, that, or the other.

And likewise, the wife to her husband. Paul says it is a sin to sexually deprive your spouse.

It's a sin. If you say, yes, but I associate sex with our old lives when we were pagans and gross and filthy,

God says in marriage though, it's still holy and right. Say, well, yes, but no, my spouse isn't a

Christian. And how can I do that with a Christian, not a Christian? And they're not saved.

Paul says it's holy, good, and right. There's no comment here, oh, if your spouse isn't saved, you can say no.

If you're saved, you answer to God and say, I have to honor him. And if God says, this is what

I should do for his glory and for what's good of my husband or my wife, I will do.

How about this for a thought? Celibacy in marriage, even in Corinth, was sinful.

NES says duty, take a look at the text. ESV says conjugal rights. Again, it's another euphemism.

So we've got touch, have, and duty. It's your duty. It's a present imperative.

How about that? What's a present imperative? It's an ongoing command. Regular, habitual, often.

What does this do to your mind when someone says, you know what? People should go to some convent someplace.

What does this do to your medieval theology that says, you know what? Sexual intimacy for children, but everything else, no.

You say, now who says that? Josephus. The law recognizes no sexual connections except the natural union of a man and a wife, and that only for procreation of children.

Whatever the reason is, he's a bum, or she's not attractive, or sex is for children only,

Paul says no, that's not right. God says it's not right. How about Philo? He said about people who had sex for pleasure in marriage that they're not people, they were like animals.

I'll just throw the quote out just so you can get the intensity of it. They're like pigs and goats. Demeaning what

God has given. Demeaning something pure and holy and good and right. That's not the way we're to think about it.

If you're married today and you're in Bethlehem Bible Church, saved or unsaved, saved or unsaved spouse, it is your duty to pay what you owe to your spouse.

Now you say, Mike, where's all the romance? Well, that's Song of Solomon, and maybe we'll give some romance tips here.

I don't know if I'm an expert in romance, but we'll see what we can do. Let me just work through the passage first. It's my duty to preach this passage, to pay what is due.

And don't you notice here, talk about agape love. The focus is all here on what? Giving, not receiving.

It's not that you don't receive in the marriage bed, but the focus here of Paul is to give, to give, to give.

Doesn't that sound like loving God? Loving your neighbor, agape love, to give, to give, to give.

Doesn't that sound like that? I think that is wonderful. Paul says, marriage without sex is

A, unnatural, and B, sinful. Of course, marriage is a partnership.

Of course, it's a picture of Christ. Of course, it's for procreation. But Paul is dealing here with pleasure.

John Chrysostom said, virginity stands as far above marriage as the heavens stand above the earth.

Well, when you're single, that's true. Jerome, all those who have not remained virgins, following the pattern of pure chastity of angels and that of our

Lord himself, are polluted. Augustine, he said you should be continent -like angels, but at least marriage intimacy isn't as bad as adultery.

Paul doesn't do any of that. He says it's good, it's right, it's fulfilling, it should be pleasurable.

It's the goodness of God. Can you imagine? Can you imagine saying, when you walk outside and you feel the sun on your face and you think,

God, this is an awesome day, I love this day, you're a great God. Sun and the moon and the stars. I have a new app on my iPhone, and I can just hold it up to the stars and wherever I am, even if I hold it down to the ground, it's as if it could see through the earth.

It can't, but it just knows, and it shows me all the constellations. And I just look at them, I go, God, you're awesome.

You're great, you're wonderful. Romans 1 is, when you see the greatness of God, the response is, thanks, honor, worship.

And then to think, God, that you could so design a man and a woman that in marriage, this act could happen.

Probably the most uniting, mysterious, intimate thing that could happen that is almost a precursor to how great heaven will be, is if you think that is intimate and that sexual bed is wonderful, then the greatest intimacy is way better than you could ever imagine on earth.

This is just a foretaste of divine intimacy. Of course,

I'm not talking about intimacy sexually in heaven. What I'm talking about is the great relationship you'll have when you see

Christ Jesus face to face, no longer with faith, but by sight. It's the goodness of God, one flesh.

Paul said, you know, God gave hormones to people for a reason, and sexual bodies, and that was so they could have sex, only in marriage.

And so if that's God's design, why would you say regularly and often no to your spouse? Literally, the text here in verse three is, you are under contractual obligation to be with your spouse regularly and often.

Now, of course, the single people who are sitting here today who long to get married, and by the way, it's perfectly right,

I'm jumping ahead of myself into two weeks, but I'll say it's perfectly right to want to get married, and it's perfectly right to want to have sexual relations.

As long as it doesn't go too far in your mind when you start thinking about things that you ought not to, but it's good and right because God has given us that desire.

Here with wonderful, as one commentator said, reciprocity, husband, wife, wife, husband.

Further explained, look at verse four. For the wife does not have authority over her own body. I can sure make an application out of this for those who want to kill the babies inside of them, because it's their body, but that's another sermon.

But the husband does, and shockingly, wonderfully, uniquely,

God loves men and God loves women, and in his sight, they are equal. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body.

Who comes up with that? Not the pagans and not the Jewish philosophers, but the wife does.

Rights over your spouse's body for conjugal pleasure. Giving up the rights to your own body for the other one.

This isn't holding out. This is saying, no, these are the hoops you have to jump through.

No, submitting one to another in a wonderful way. If you're married, your body belongs to your spouse.

One commentator said it communicates negatively his obligation to refrain from engaging in sexual relations with anyone other than his wife, because the wife owns his body, and positively, his obligation to fulfill his marital duty to provide her, the wife, with sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

Number three. Number three, the third way to glorify

God with your bodies if you are married, or third reason to think through to help you to do this regularly is,

Paul says, if you're married, verse five, you must not defraud or rob your spouse sexually.

Let's take a look at the verse. This is amazing. Verse five, do not deprive one another.

There's another word for sexual deprivation. Except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourself to prayer, and then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self -control.

That word deprived, you know what that means? It means to steal. So your husband owns your body, but you say no.

The Bible says that's stealing. And likewise, the other hand as well. We hear the word cheating all the time.

The language here is, don't cheat your spouse. We think of cheating as the spouse cheats with another person against you.

Paul is thinking cheating is, you ought to be regular with your spouse, but you say no. That's cheating to Paul.

Of course, he thinks adultery is wrong. But the context here, present tense, do not deprive, never deprive, stop depriving.

If you are depriving, stop right now. Say, yeah, but you don't know the past of my spouse.

You don't know this. You don't know that. Just imagine the past of the spouses there in 1 Corinthians. Don't abandon these relations.

You know what it's like? You ever met somebody, they say, you know, can I borrow 20 bucks? Can I borrow $100? Can I borrow $20 ,000?

And then they never pay it back. What do you think about those kind of people? I would just think they should have just said, could

I have $20? Because then I wouldn't be thinking in my mind, borrow. Because I say, you know, would you like to have 20?

Then it's just free and clear. You can have the $20. This language here is reneging on a debt.

I have a debt to you. I will not pay. I don't know how you think of people who back out of what they owe people.

But Paul says no. But he gives an exception here.

Three steps to the exception. All three have to be true. What's the exception?

Except perhaps by agreement. What does it mean to agree? Wife says yes.

I'd like to just pray for a while and we just not come together. But the husband says, sorry, honey,

I can't do that. What does Paul say then? Paul says it's not agreement. So deals off or vice versa.

What's the second step to this? For a limited time. You can't say to yourself, well, you know, that kind of worked out well.

Short term abstinence in the marriage bed is pretty good. Maybe long term would be better. No, just for a limited time.

And then with the purpose to pray. To pray. It's a temporary time.

And then it's time to pray. But then something must happen.

Look at the text. But then come together again. Another way that Paul just says this in a nice way, in an appropriate way.

Sexually coming together again. Why? So that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self -control.

There's a protective shield to the marriage bed. People say, you know what? Yeah, but how can

I sleep with my spouse? Because our marriage is horrible. Well, there's only one thing worse than a horrible, horrible marriage.

And that is one, or both of the spouses say, you know what? We think horrible's not too bad because we'd like to just open the door and let

Satan come barging right in. Satan, Paul knows, and you should know too, is powerful.

So Paul says, don't stay apart for a long time.

Come back together again. Don't cheat your spouse. The norm is Christians will marry the ones that aren't gifted with singleness.

First Corinthians 7 teaches that healthy sex life is a preventative for immorality. And that husbands and wives should eagerly engage in sexual relations as a duty, both to their spouse and to God.

Now, what about this not having relations for a while and praying about it? Verse 6, now as a concession, not as a command.

Verse 5, I say this. What does this refer to? This refers back to what Paul wrote in verse 5.

Maybe all 1 through 5. You don't have to say, you know what? Look back in our last 23 years of marriage.

Let's say we haven't had a time, you say to yourself, where we've had the special prayer time, then maybe we should start.

Paul says you can if you want, but it's not a command. It's a concession. I have a few things I wrote down here that maybe will be good points of application.

I'm really not trying to, I'm not trying to make a joke of this. I'm not trying to be emergent. I'm not trying to say, you know, some things that are inappropriate.

I don't want to do that. I don't need to do that. I don't like it. But I think it's also good to be a pastor and to try to do what

Paul does, and that's to be very pastoral. Husbands, let me just give you some advice.

And of course, if you think I live up to everything I preach, I know one who does live up to everything I preach, and that's why

I stand in the good stead of Christ Jesus. But these things are true, and this is some advice

I would like to give you. Number one, husbands, buy a lock for your bedroom door. I kid you not.

Buy a lock for your bedroom door. I don't think I have to tell you why, especially if you have kids. If you don't have kids, you don't need the lock, all right?

One, buy a lock for the bedroom door. Two, care enough to look attractive, or if you want to joke out of it, attractive as you can look.

Three, study your wife and know what she likes and what she doesn't like. That's 1 Peter chapter 3. Four, make it easy for her to say yes by being thoughtful, loving, and helpful.

Here's a big one of mine, and I'm going to have to be careful not to launch on this too much. If you'd like to be more regular in your intimacy with your spouse.

By the way, the way to not do this is, I got a verse from God for you, and use these verses in 1

Corinthians 7, 1 to 5 as a club. It is true that it's sin, and it is true that I, with no joking at all,

I hope there are many couples this week who would, by the grace of God, live out these commands. It'd be good for you.

It'd be good for your marriage. It'd be good if you haven't had relations with your spouse for 10 years, for 20 years, to say, these are the reasons why

I did it. They're all sinful. They're all wrong. Do you think you have it in your heart to forgive me? That's what people should do.

You should be saying, dads especially, why don't you lead your children into obedience?

Because disobedient kids are bad for the love life. You can't get your kids to obey.

By the way, there's no sin in letting your kids sleep in your bed. I don't think it's sinful. I just think it's really stupid.

Now, the kid gets in the middle of the night, and he says, you know, I'm sick, and I'm coughing, and you let the kids sleep because they're sick?

Okay. But regularly, I know people, they say, I let my kids sleep in our bed every single night.

I don't know what you're thinking, because it's hard to obey 1 Corinthians chapter 7, 1 to 5, when you've got a four -year -old kid laying in between you.

Yeah, but if they go to the other room, they'll just cry. Well, dads, lead. I guarantee you, you're 15 times bigger, and you go there, and you say, you know what?

If you get out of that bed again, unless there's blood, you're going to get a spanking. And, you know, you think, you know, my wife never wants to get together with me, because you're a bad dad, and you won't obey the kids.

And now she never thinks I'm a wife. She thinks I'm a mom, and my husband won't lead, so I better too.

And so while I'm in the mom mode, it's hard to be romantic wife mode. I did not say it's a sin to let your kids sleep in your bed, so don't quote me that I did.

I just said it was stupid. Okay, next. I think you should date your wives.

That would be another one I have listed here. I think you should scrimp and save if you're a husband, to take your wife on a romantic holiday.

I wouldn't have cared if I would have spent $30 ,000 on our trip to Rome several years ago for our anniversary, because it was worth every single penny, just to get away from the kids.

Just to say, you know, you ever go out of town on a weekend with your wife, and the first two days, the only thing you talk about is your kids.

And then by the time you talk about each other, then it's time to go home. Start romance early in the morning.

Being kind, thoughtful, whatever the level is of sexual desire in the person, the spouse who has the most sexual desire, that is the barometer for the marriage.

You don't say, well, one would desire many times, the other not very often.

Let's split the middle. The way it works with the one another's and each's, Paul says, whoever's got the highest barometer, then that sets the tone.

Why? Because the idea here is, again, pleasure, yes. Partnership, yes.

Picture of Christ living in church, yes. But to stop people who are going to struggle with sexual sin.

Ladies, let me just say a few things to you. Number one, I don't know if these are notes or not, but number one,

I don't really know, ladies, if you realize how visual men are. They have to go to work.

They have to deal with all these issues. And this is not the only reason for marriage. Sex isn't the only reason for marriage, but it is to protect the spouse.

And I think you should say to yourself, my husband really struggles with his eyes. And if anybody here who would like to get married or is married, doesn't struggle with their eyes, as Danny Aker would say, you're a liar.

You are a liar because men struggle with their eyes. And so what does God say?

There's one person that you don't have to struggle with anymore. That you get to look at your spouse, you get to look at your wife, and you just get to look and stare and enjoy.

By the way, you think I'm making something up? I don't think I'm going to get to it today, but that's Proverbs 5. This isn't made up kind of stuff here.

So protect your husband by being with him regularly in the bedroom. I think what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Look as good as you can. Ladies, your attitude should be, for the glory of God, it will be a joy for me to satisfy my husband in this area.

That's what he's saying. That's what Paul is saying, to give sacrificially, to give lovingly. I mean,

I just can't think what would it be like to have a bad marriage, but then say, but I'm going to let Satan into this.

The Bible says the way you quench your sexual thirst is at home. Let me read the passage again.

Now concerning the matters about what you wrote, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.

But because of the temptation of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise, the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

But then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self -control. Now as a concession not a command,