There Will Be a Battle Between the Sexes

Silicon Valley Reformed Baptist Church

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Well, good morning If you have a Bible turn to Genesis 3 and we're continuing our study in Genesis on basic truths

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It should be page 3 in your pew Bibles if you have them We're going to be reading

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Genesis 3 16 B. So we're going to be reading the second half of Genesis 316 and whatever you have that go ahead and stand for the reading of God's Word today

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Genesis 3 16 B. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you.

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You may be seated Amen Let's pray Lord, we do.

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Thank you for your words that you've given to us which help us to understand the human condition we know that we are

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People who desperately need your revelation in order to understand who you are What your purposes are for the world in the ways in which the gospel will help us to live in light of your truth

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Pray for a time here today that you'll help us to learn much from the scriptures Give us eyes to see and ears to hear all the good things that you have for us today in your word in your son's

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Name, I pray Amen Now today

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I have a fairly simple Strategy for trying to discuss the passage that we're going to be going through the first Section that we're going to be dealing with our temptations which are common to women in a fallen world

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And then we're going to talk about how despite those temptations which are common to women in a fallen world men are nevertheless designed and equipped to be the leaders over their wives and Then finally we're going to talk about how the fall itself is not the last word in all of these matters

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But God has a plan to restore harmony between the sexes that's found in his gospel and the good news but I know that whenever a pastor

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Does teach on a passage like this and spends an inordinate amount of time? discussing the common temptations which might be

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Particularly relevant to women in general I do understand that there is a reaction that many people have to make a lot of assumptions about the nature of why

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Pastor would be doing such things why the Bible would be speaking about these things in this kind of way We certainly live in a time where pastors really do not perceive themselves to be allowed to talk about The unique and particular temptations of women they may perceive themselves as not being allowed to talk about these things

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Due to the fact they don't But that doesn't mean that God has not authorized them to speak on these things and I do think it is a sign of great cowardice today that men are not willing to call women to repentance in the same way that they are willing to call men to repentance and This really has had a lot of impact on our homes in general

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It has had a lot of impact on our churches in general where you have Really a generation of pastors who refuse to talk about these things less they be accused of being a misogynist or being a woman hater in that kind of way

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You may have temptations along those lines as we talk about some of these common temptations and actually deal with some of these common temptations

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To think that the sermon feels imbalanced and I would suggest to you that it is imbalanced

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It will in fact be imbalanced today, and I and I won't make any attempt to make it balanced

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Meaning we are talking about a passage on the common temptations of women today And I intend to talk about the common temptations of women today

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And I don't spend I don't tend to spend the I don't intend to spend the whole time You know balancing that out by first talking about the sins of men and how they tempt women towards the sins of women

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I just I just plan on talking about the passage as it's laid out today And so I do I do plan on violating every expectation that we have when pastors in general

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Speak on these kind of topics and I intend to do so simply because I want to be faithful to what's here

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And I want to be honest with what's here And I want you to know what's here because I think it's very important for us to understand

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What we're actually looking at so this won't be an egalitarian sermon that is designed to give equal weight to different kinds of temptations

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We have other passages of scriptures which talk to other kinds of temptations and when we get to those other passages of scripture

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We will talk about those other kinds of temptations But for for today, we will talk about the kind of temptations that I think are very present

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And bound up within the passage that we're going to be talking about As I said, we're continuing our topic on basic truths and the basic truth today is the truth that there will be as a result of the fall a battle between The sexes now when you think about the way that this passage opens up it does open up with a way of Wording things which may be confusing to us upon first examination the

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Bible says in Genesis 3 16 be In relationship to the woman.

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It says your desire shall be for your husband and As you read that it may be that you make certain assumptions about what that's intending to communicate that are not being

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That are not intended to be communicated within the passage itself The primary thing that you should take away from that phrase is this as a result of the fall

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Wives will attempt to dominate their husbands. That's what you should understand that to be saying but when you read it, it may not be that that's the primary message that you think is

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The most straightforward message to be taken from the text now many commentators when they're commenting on this passage

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They point to parallels between the language that's found here and the language that's found in Genesis 4 7 to tell you something about the nature of how this

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This phrase should be translated here, so if you read Genesis 4 7 what you'll realize is Genesis 4 7

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This talks about the nature of sin and sins desire to master or this

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Sins desire which is contrary to Cain and what you'll find is it uses the same two words here that we're gonna find in our

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Passage the word for desire and the word for rule. So in Genesis 4 7 you see God Admonish giving

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Cain and admonition and saying essentially that if you do not do well Sin is crouching at the door.

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Its desire is for you many commentators Translate as translate that as its desire is contrary to you

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So its desire is set up in an adversarial way towards you But you must rule over it those same two words are the words that are used in the passage

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We find ourself in today. So just one chapter over you have the same combination of words

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That's a good indication that that whatever is being communicated in Genesis 4 7 is also the thing that's being communicated in Genesis 3 16 and what's being communicated there is that as a result of the fall a

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Woman's desire is going to be contrary to her husband and nevertheless despite all that the husband will in fact

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Will over you rule over him or her? And what you find in this passage is something that Really if you've been married for any length of time you realize is the common temptation that all marriages face

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There is a power struggle that Every human being will experience when you get married to one degree or another

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It's not whether or not you're going to experience some kind of power struggle It's how severe will that power struggle be how often will that power struggle manifest itself?

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How many times will it manifest itself to what intensity will it manifest itself? It's not really a

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This power struggle the nature of this battle between the sexes It's really not a matter of if there will be a battle between the sexes

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It's you know how often won't be there to what intensity will it show itself and this really is

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Not something that's completely unique to marriage If you think about the world that you live in today

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You see that we are in we are obviously living in a world where there is a great power struggle between men and women

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There are societal forces that intend to set men and women in opposition to each other as a result of the diversity equity and inclusion

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Movements you find that the world is divided up into oppressor classes and oppressed classes of Individuals and males by definition are considered the oppressors in every single encounter and women are considered by virtue of their status to be the oppressed classes of Individuals and so you see the same power struggle working itself out in every area of society

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You see this working itself out in homes. You see it working itself out in the church You see it working itself out in the civil or government sphere

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This is just a natural obvious reality of life in a fallen world. You're living in a world where God has designed

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Hierarchies, he's established hierarchies for our good and for his glory and as sinful human beings

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We are going to try to fight those hierarchies in every way possible And so what you see in this passage is you see that as a result of the fall?

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Wives will attempt to dominate their husbands to some degree. So it's obviously a statement of general truth

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It's something that we should consider It's something we should take in our understanding of what's actually happening in our life and we should make account of it in other words, like you should not go into marriage thinking that You know if you as a leader do everything perfect There would never be a power struggle between you and your wife

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And yet that's the message that most pastors are communicating today if there is some sort of power struggle

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That's happening Then the assumption is that that power struggle must be the result of some failure on the parts of the leadership of the husband

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And I would say that in many cases, you know sin is very complicated since very complicated

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It's just very rare in any kind of marital conflict that you have one person Who's the complete villain and then the other person who's the complete victim?

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That's not really the way that life works in general, you know as I've done counseling, you know

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Most of your marriage problems are about 50 -50 in one way or another

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Maybe they're slightly imbalanced one direction or the other but If you talk to a couple for any length of time, you realize there's problems on both ends

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But then the idea though that if there is this power struggle this power struggle starts to manifest itself

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It does exist the idea that that's always the result of a husband who is not doing his job.

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I would say that Perspective is short -sighted on the basis of this passage itself

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I mean, this is a passage which is teaching contrary to that kind of expectation And in fact,

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I mean when you think about the way that we commonly speak about these problems in general we'll say things like you know, if a husband were to Love his wife as Christ loves the church what woman wouldn't want to submit to that, right?

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Like we'll say things like that But the problem is that you know Christ loved the church like Christ loved the church in that sinful human beings

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What do we do? We killed him. Okay, so it's not entirely true that if you are a perfect husband

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You're going to escape all the consequences of the fall that we're going to talk about here today That's simply not the way it works.

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And yet at the same time, it's also true that if you are a bad husband You're gonna provide a much greater temptation for your wife to fall into some of the pitfalls that we're going to talk about here today because she realizes that You are not very trustworthy and your leadership doesn't seem to be going in the right kind of way and therefore she's going to be much more intempted to try to dominate you in the ways that she

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That that may become natural to the fairer sex in that way Here's the point

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Because wives can't physically dominate their husbands They they nevertheless still seek to exert control through verbal direct conflict through the coercive use of intimacy through wearing it wearisome persistence and emotional

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Manipulation. So this path passage is essentially setting up an adversarial relationship between the sexes

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It's obviously not the last word, but it is Setting up a kind of adversarial relationship between the sexes where you have a stronger sex and then you have weaker sex and Typically the stronger sex is going to try to exert his will in the world through his physical strength

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Wives they are not exempt from this power struggle In fact, there will be temptations on their part to exercise control to dominate their husbands and they're going to do so do so through different ways

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I Elaborated on a few I said through direct verbal conflict through course of use of intimacy through wearisome persistence and emotional

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Manipulation the first one that we'll talk about today is This wives will attempt to dominate their husbands through direct verbal Conflict now, what do you see this?

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Where do you see this? Genesis is telling us about these common temptations But then as you read through the rest of scriptures one of the things you'll find is the rest rest of scripture comments on the nature of how this this

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These consequences of the fall work themself out and marriage relationships. The book of Proverbs is a book that's written

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Among other things to help a young man to know how to pick a good wife If you want to understand what the book of Proverbs is is a book that's designed to help a young man pick a good wife

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Very early on the book. It tells young men to It gives them the information they need to understand the adulterous woman who's going to forsake the companion of her youth

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It tells young men about the danger of sexual sin. It tells them about the importance of fidelity to their marriage

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At the end of the book you see the portrait of an excellent wife which is put forward for their consideration is something to think about In their search for a good wife, but throughout the book you're gonna find in four different places

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That men are warned about the danger of the contentious woman This four times in the book of Proverbs if you think about some of the things that are repeated in the book of Proverbs This is repeated on a regular basis with frequency because it is a real issue

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And you notice when you read the book of Proverbs, there is no qualifications that come behind all that Men are warned about the danger of marrying a contentious woman repeatedly

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And they're not With those warnings. They're not told that if you find yourself in a marriage with a contentious woman

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It's all your fault man. Take responsibility for it You cause this and you know, you're producing this and everything else like that's just not the way it works meaning there's persistent warnings about the danger of marrying a contentious woman because contentious women actually exist and If you marry a contentious woman your life will be made much more difficult than it would be if you married a woman who wasn't

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So characterized by that particular sin So Proverbs 21 9 says it's better to live in the corner of a housetop than a house shared with a quarrelsome wife

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Proverbs 2119 says it's better to live in a desert land

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Then with a quarrelsome and fretful woman Proverbs 25 24 says it's better to live in the corner of a housetop than a house shared with a quarrelsome wife and then

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Proverbs 2715 says a continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike

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To restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's hands

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So instead of you know, the weaker sex overpowering the man with physical force

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This approach would seek to wear down a husband's resistance through persistent arguing complaints and contentious speech

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So, I mean, this is a real problem in marriage It's a real problem that in many ways we've subsidized as the society today

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So you're living in a time right now that refuses to speak on these issues as if they are real issues

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And when we do speak about these issues We speak about them most often as failures on the part of the husband

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We don't treat these as real and serious things that actually happen that need answers

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For the most part when a couple comes into counseling today Most people are predisposed to blame any kind of contentiousness that exists

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Almost exclusively on the husband in a way. That's pretty Shortsighted this is the point here is just to say that this is a real temptation and It does show itself up in a wide variety of ways

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And to the extent to which you've been a part of relationship that works in this kind of way

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You understand very quickly what the book of Proverbs is warning you about Meaning it's um, if you are a leader if God has appointed you to be a leader in the home

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He's like part of being a leader is being charged to make simple decisions in life

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You know in general in the Bible there are wisdom issues there's sin issues there's preference issues a Husband isn't tasked by God to Use his authority as a leader to selfishly get his own way in areas of preference issues

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He has tasked by God to lead his household into faithfulness to the to the commands and principles of scriptures

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And there are there are times where there are clear commands of scripture that that a husband should be appealing to putting forward

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For his family as a path of faithfulness to God, and there's a lot of situations where you know the right answer involves

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Balancing a lot of biblical priorities and objectives and trying to make simple decisions about What a family is going to do?

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If a man is married to a contentious woman one of the things that he'll find is That every single decision that he makes

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You know I'm speaking somewhat in the language of hyperbole, but I'm just I'm speaking the language of Things that actually exist in the world if you're married to a contentious woman what one of the things that you'll find is that a contentious woman will

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Oppose almost every act of leadership That you attempt to make within a home

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So for a husband who is living with a woman who is trying to dominate her through direct verbal conflict

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One of the things he'll find is that every time he makes decisions. She's gonna have something to say about that She's going to be demand to be included in that she's going to ask him

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Why? He thinks that he has the ability to go down this path

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The point here is just to say that there This is a real problem a contentious woman is a real thing that might happen and when husbands find themselves in a position

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Of being married to a woman who is a contentious woman They're going to find that There is a type of misery that comes from Dwelling in a home with someone who is utterly resisting your leadership in every way possible in every way imaginable and yeah, the

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Solomon the other writers of Proverbs would spare us from that reality because it is a reality that exists and is a route reality

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In some ways a society we are subsidizing So the first thing we see is that wives will attempt to dominate their husband through direct verbal conflict

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May want to turn over to judges 16 5 because I want to talk about some other ways that wives will attempt to dominate their husbands

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And we're gonna think primarily in terms of a perfect example of this happening Which is found in the story of Samson and Delilah so judges 16 5

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We see that the Lords of the Philistines came up to her this is Delilah They said to her seduce him and see where his great strength lies and by what means we may overpower him

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That we may bind him to humble him will give you 1 ,100 pieces of silver

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So in this passage what we see is that wives will attempt to dominate their husbands by coercive use of intimacy

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So rather than exerting control through sheer strength This approach influences the husband's actions by lever leveraging intimacy either offering it as a reward

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Withholding it as a punishment And if you observe male -female

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Relationship dynamics to any length of time one of the things you'll realize is that physical intimacy

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Physical intimacy is something that men are much more motivated by than women are This is a simple biological reality that God has written in To the fabric of the world

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Women are very wise and they do understand that there are different kinds of motivations along these lines and you know

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Throughout the history of the world women have realized that they can use intimacy They can use physical intimacy as a tool to get their way in the world

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They can use that physical intimacy as a tool to manipulate men they can use

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Physical intimacy as a tool to extort out of men the things that they want from men and this is a passage

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It's basically very honest about the nature of this reality So as I said wives will attempt to dominate their husbands by coercive use of intimacy that can happen in two ways

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That can happen as in in the respect that this passage is talking about meaning

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Using physical intimacy as a tool to get what you want When wives do this they often

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Engage in what you might describe as bargaining Meaning they want something they say hey

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I will give you physical intimacy if you give me what I want so physical intimacy can be a tool that they use to get their husband to Give them what they want whether that's allow them to go shopping and do whatever they want to do or make decisions that they want to make a

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Wise and a shrewd woman. I wouldn't say that she's I would say that she's wise in the sense if she understands the way the world works

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Understands that she may be able to get a lot of extortion out of her husband if she uses this tool in a regular way

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That's certainly not the way that God has intended intimacy to operate in the context of a faithful biblical marriage

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I'm just simply saying that women throughout the history of world have understood that this is a tool that men want Men want something you have it you can exchange it for what you want.

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That's the way it works So the primary sense in that in this passage itself is the Philistines are encouraging

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Delilah to use that tool to extort out of Samson the information that they want from him and they're going to reward her for that So she's motivated to use intimacy to get what she wants in that way

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But then the reverse of this is also true. Many women have realized that withholding emphasis intimacy Also has a way of getting what they want so then you treat physical intimacy in the context of a marriage as And as a as a reward for being treated the way that you want to be treated and and you

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There's no end to the kind of standard that you can put That will allow you to withhold intimacy

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So what I mean by that is just to say that the Bible pictures intimacy in the context of marriage as a right first Corinthians 7 3 says the husband should give to his wife or conjugal rights and likewise the wives to her husband

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The wife does not have authority over her own body But the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body

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But the wife does it says do not deprive each other except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourself to Prayer, but then come together again quickly so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self -control in language of first Corinthians 7 3 physical intimacy in the context of a marriage is a right that is owed to both the husband and the spouse and This right is owed to them by virtue of the nature of the covenant that they made

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So Genesis 2 24 tells us like the definition of marriage What is marriage marriage is to becoming one for this reason man will leave his father mother hold fasters wife to will become one flesh

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Marriage is a one flesh union in contrast to every other form of union that exists in the world

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Marriage is a one flesh union. That's what it is. That's the nature of what it is

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So the nature of what a husband and wife commit to When they get married

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They're making a commitment to be one with each other and to not withhold this right

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From each other because it's seen not just as some privilege that needs to be earned on the basis of high performance

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It's seen as an actual right The other person is owed What I'm trying to say is that wives will attempt to dominate their husband by coercive use of intimacy

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They do that by using intimacy as a tool to get that what they want Instead of seeing it as a fundamental feature of the marriage that's owed to the other person as a result of covenant you made with Them they're going to use this as a tool to get what they want by either giving it out in in In or in in an exchange way to get certain privileges you want or withholding it in this one

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I'm talking about in the language of 2nd Corinthians 7 Withholding it like holding intimacy captive Contingent upon a husband performing all this list of things that they want.

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Do you see? So the Bible says there'll be a battle between the sexes your desire shall be contrary to your husband as a result of the fall

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There will be a temptation that you'll have to exert control over your husband Your husband may be physically stronger than you but if you understand the way the world works you understand that you have certain things that he wants and and if you simply there are ways in which you can simply take those things that your husband wants way more than what you typically want and Hold them hostage and give them out selectively in exchange for power and control and this is obviously a temptation that Many women have faced throughout the history of the world

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It's a temptation that's common in marriages and it's a temptation that shouldn't be so common in Christian marriages point three

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Wives will attempt to dominate their husband through wearisome persistence We have word for this.

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Obviously, it's nagging But judges 16 gives us a pretty good example of What you might describe as nagging which is just a common temptation that women face to try to dominate their husbands

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So instead of subduing a husband through brute force this approach traps him through endless entreaties complaints and emotional appeals

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Wearing him down over and over again In time until he gives in So if you're familiar at all with the story of Samson and Delilah you realize that you know

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She goes through this routine where she begs him to Basically tell him the secret of his great strength the

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Philistines have enlisted her Promised to pay her a bunch of money if she can find this out for him

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So she you know, she attempts to seduce him. She's you know, then she when that doesn't work. She's you know it

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She turns to trying to dominate him through nagging essentially So she asked him three times the secret of his great strength so in judges 16 six

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Delilah said to Samson Please tell me where your great strength lies and how you might be bound so that one can subdue you

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And so he gives her an answer and then she bind she binds him, you know And then the then she says, you know

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Samson the Philistines are on you yeah, and so she calls the Philistines send them in and then he breaks the buying the the bonds and It's amazing that he goes through this routine multiple times.

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I can't even imagine He would put up with this more times than once but he seems to put up with it So after the second attempt you see is in judges 16 10

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Delilah said to Samson behold You have mocked me and told me lies. Please tell me how many you might be bound She goes to the whole routine again.

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She binds him sends the Philistines in again Huh? I wonder if you're trying to get me trapped here.

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You know, it doesn't seem to dawn on Samson at this point that He she may not be as faithful to him as he realizes

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But then judges 16 13 Delilah said to Samson until now you've mocked me and told me lies. Tell me how you might be bound

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And that's not the end of it. So judges 16 15. She said it says to him How can you say

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I love you when your heart is not with me? You've mocked me these three times not told me where your great strength lies and notice what it says

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It says and when she pressed him hard with her words day after day And urged him his soul was vexed to death

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Essentially, so what is that a picture of that's picture of nagging, isn't it? I have to attempt to dominate their husbands through wearisome persistence or nagging now the nature of the

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Marriage relationship is that God has obviously designed a husband to be a leader and he's designed the wife to be a follower

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You know husband's a wife as a result of this Hierarchical relationship that he's established in marriage

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One of the results of that is that leaders generally lead followers generally follow So part of the responsibility of the husband is to actively lead his home

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If in the attempt to lead your home You're trying to set a certain direction for your home and that direction is being continually

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Challenged if in the in the act of Lee trying to set the direction of your home your wife is Continually trying to get you to change the course

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Continually complaining about that the way that you're going Complete continually trying to wear you down To get you to reconsider the path that you think

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God has put you and your family on One of the things you'll find is that most most husbands Really they they want a happy wife

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They want a happy home Most husbands really I'm not suggesting that husbands are free from sin but I am suggesting that Husbands very much do prioritize the happiness of their home and the happiness of their wife and a variety of tangible ways

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Meaning like there's a reason why the phrase exists, you know, happy wife happy life

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If mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy Like these I guess that's a southern phrase.

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Am I sure if you say that I Forgot where I'm at Forgive me.

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I repent I Was speaking in foreign tongues. I Mean there's a reason why these

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These expressions exist and they they do exist because in many ways Most husbands really are oriented towards wanting the happiness of their wife

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I mean There's a reason why even a guy like Samson who's kind of a scoundrel in a lot of ways This is this this story exists in the book of Judges where there's no king in Israel and everyone does what's right in their own

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Eyes, I mean Samson's kind of a hedonist He's a big brute kind of guy who really isn't a picture of godliness and much any way possible

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But he like most men when you have a woman that you would like to be happy And you realize that she's constantly unhappy and she's continually telling you telling you over and over again how unhappy she is with you most what most men most men

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I would say do respond in the same way that or attempted to respond the same way that Samson was In verse 16 where it says when she pressed him hard with her words day after day and urged him

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His soul was vexed to death like meaning most most men really do want their home to be a happy home and a lot of men are

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So willing to have a happy home that they'll surrender all sense of principle They'll surrender all sense of God's expectations for the home

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They'll send they'll basically abdicate their leadership within a home because they're trying so hard to have a happy and a peaceful home

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So I mean most you know, most men they do go to work every day and they have responsibilities. They have pressure.

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They come home They want their home to be a source of safety They want their home to be a place of peace and there's nothing more miserable than the you know spend

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Your 40 your 50 your 60 hours a week fighting all the problems that exist out there

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That are a result of you trying to subdue the earth and then you come home and then you realize that You have a different battle that's going on within the home to where Her wife is constantly unhappy wife is constantly miserable

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She's constantly letting you know how unhappy she is with every decision that you're gonna make. She's constantly asking asking you to basically

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Prioritize her will her expectation her sense of where this ship needs to be led

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Wives will attempt to dominate their husbands through wearisome persistence now. I would I would hasten to add that As much as men hate the thought of being nagged

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I mean there are times where They do bring it on themself. Obviously there are times so they do bring it on themself because they're just worthless and lazy and Refuse to keep their word and so then their wives are in a position where they've asked him to take out the trash ten times in a row because the husband is a procrastinator and simply will not respond to a simple request and I would say that Yeah, obviously a wife should not nag in those kind of cases, but sometimes

34:04

There is a type of man who deserves to be nagged because he is he is basically a

34:12

Procrastinator and lazy and refused to let his yes be yes and as nobody know, but that's that's another topic

34:18

Fourth we see that wives will attempt to dominate their husband through emotional manipulation. I say that this is a very common tactic today

34:26

It's something that you should have eyes to see and ears to hear This happens in so many ways it's difficult to describe how often this is happening today and not only is it happening today but then you're living in a society in a world right now that Has adopted certain standards that make it so that It's morally right for wives to try to dominate their husbands through emotional manipulation

34:48

And if a husband doesn't respond to emotional manipulation, he is by definition called an abuser

34:55

Because we've expanded the semantic range of abuser to include so many different things at this point to where That word is almost lost its meaning

35:03

But judges 15 16 15 You know Delilah at this point. She's tried to seduce him.

35:09

She's tried to nag him to death She's gonna keep on trying to nag him to death, but she also tries to dominate him through emotional manipulation

35:17

So judges 16 15 she said to him. How can you say I love you? When your heart is not with me, how can you say

35:25

I love you when your heart is not with me So notice how that's phrased in a very manipulative way

35:34

This isn't really up an appeal to as in the language that Pastor Connelly used today.

35:40

It's not really appealed to logos All right, this is an appeal to emotion. Oh, you could say it's appealed to Ethos to as well, but System, how can you say

35:54

I love you when your heart is not with me? So rather than physically subduing her husband a wife exerts control by tempting her husband to feel guilty

36:00

Notice how I worded that tempting your husband to feel guilty selfish or emotionally obligated to comply with her desires

36:08

I mean in truth the concept of emotional manipulation really isn't a thing if you

36:14

Think about it in a straightforward way If you understand what I mean by that meaning like you can't actually manipulate the emotions of other people

36:22

I Mean you can tempt them to feel certain emotions, but then they are responsible for the motions they feel

36:27

I mean, it's not like you have some kind of Mutant power to step in and change their emotions and manipulate them and produce the ones that you desire

36:36

But certainly you can't tempt people to feel certain emotions Certainly, so I mean if you yell at someone and scream at them all day long, you're going to tempt them to feel sad

36:48

They don't have to respond to that with sadness and despair and hopelessness, but you certainly are tempting them but wives the point here is to say that wives will attempt to dominate their husband through these emotional appeals that are designed to Basically break down their will call them to question their loyalty paint themselves as a victim and their husband as the abuser

37:09

So what is she doing there? She's making a play for victim like for victimhood She's basically putting herself in the posture of a victim

37:15

She's saying there's something that's deficient about your love towards me. If you really love me you would do what

37:21

I say, right? That's it. I Mean, this is a ploy that so often used in the context of church and counseling that it's just difficult to fathom

37:33

This is a ploy that so often used in the home that it's difficult to fathom You'll have people who will come up to you and say

37:39

Like if you love me, you will do what I want you to do I mean, they'll say they may not rephrase it in that kind of way, but that's exactly what's happening you'll look at them and you'll say

37:48

I think God wants us to do this on the basis of this passage and Then they will respond to that by saying

37:54

I don't feel like that's very loving Have you considered what I want you to do and they'll do that with no sense of self -awareness

38:02

So the fact that they've taken their will and they put it in opposition to God's will and they're putting it out there for you

38:09

And and they're making a demand or saying if you love me, you'll do what I want you to do You will bow to my will And when you try to explain that look,

38:18

I God makes the rules. I gotta do what God says This is the passage. I'm appealing to this passage this passage this passage this way that I understand it

38:27

Trying to I'm trying to be faithful to what God says here None of that matters. They you know at times people they they

38:36

They when they're when they're running this play what I'm trying to say when people are running this play in their minds

38:42

They have no responsibility to give a better answer for what that passage is talking about they will just dismiss it and they'll appeal to what they want and they'll make their want and they'll turn it into a demand and They'll basically look at you and say if you don't do what

38:55

I want. It's because you don't love me So you better do what I want you to do And many people

39:01

I would say that many pastors many husbands they fall right into this trap They take love and they define it as if I love you,

39:10

I will do exactly what you want me to do but the problem is the Bible says Jesus says to us if you love me

39:16

You'll keep my commandments if we want to look like we have to have a rightly ordered loves God's priorities come first So as husbands as leaders, we have to do what

39:26

God says But be firmly convinced in our own mind that this is what God says and we have to do what he says there might be plenty of Situations where you and your wife are at odds over the nature of what the right decision is going to be in the way that a wife might be tempted to Do in light of the fall as she might attempt to dominate you through emotional appeals

39:50

So again, yeah rather than physically subduing her husband a wife will seek to exert control by tempting her husband to feel guilty

39:56

Selfish or emotionally obligated to comply with her desires

40:03

Again, we word all this in in very emotional language Most of the emotional abuse discussion nowadays is related to Topics along these lines as well

40:16

It's very easy. We've we've expanded the the semantic range of abuse so far right now to the point where Abuse is basically anytime a husband doesn't give his wife what she wants

40:28

If you think I'm exaggerating then I could give you plenty of examples of how this actually works and how people are doing this

40:35

In real life and I'm not suggesting that it's not possible if you hear me to be suggesting this

40:40

It's not possible for a husband be selfish and controlling Has be mean to his wife.

40:47

I'm not suggesting that it's not possible for a husband to be selfish mean and Controlling to his wife. I'm just suggesting that there's a lot of emotional arguments

40:54

They're being used by women who are seeking to it dominate their husband that we should be aware of this is a tactic that actually

41:00

Exists in the world women do what Delilah did here. This is an example It happens it happens.

41:06

It will happen in your home There'll be plenty of times where you're trying to make a decision you think on us

41:11

Lord And you might have your wife looking at you and saying how can you love me and say that and then you have to sit There and say well

41:17

I love you, and I love God and I think we it would be better if we both love him more than we love you Right, that's if we don't love him more than we love you, then we're all we're gonna be in trouble

41:27

So if you insist upon putting your love my love for you Demanding my love for you be higher than my love for God.

41:36

I guess you're gonna have to lose. That's the way it works I don't want you to lose. I'd rather you just surrender the claim.

41:43

I Rather you just surrender the man Surrender the man so that we can both serve the Lord together But if you're gonna make that demand then the answer is

41:50

I guess I'm gonna have to love God more than you and if you take offense at that That offense you're taking is unrighteous offense.

41:58

I'm not hurting your feelings I'm not making you sad You're making an inappropriate claim to authority over my actions.

42:07

I have to obey God rather than you in this instance So this is a real thing So as I said as a result of the fall

42:15

There will be a battle for a sexist Wives will attempt to dominate their husbands through verbal direct verbal conflict coercive use of intimacy

42:27

Through wearisome persistence and through emotional manipulation, but despite all that Despite a wife's attempt to dominate their husbands

42:35

Husbands will nevertheless rule over them. That's that's what the text says and he shall rule over you

42:40

The fact that man will rule over woman is obvious and plain From the passage.

42:47

This is not really a feature of the fall. This being included here is not meant to be a bad thing I mean, there's a variety of ways that people interpret these this passage and I Don't know that it's essential that you get it, right?

43:02

in the sense that this is one passage where That this is one passage and the whole weight of all male -female

43:11

Relationships do not depend do not depend on how you understand this last phrase

43:16

He shall rule over you meaning the Bible repeatedly speaks to gender roles And what you want to do is you want to listen to the voice of God in his repeated testimony throughout the word?

43:26

And you might understand this slightly different and I would say well you want to get it, right?

43:34

But there are ways to Even if you get this one wrong still not overturn a bunch of other scriptures as well

43:40

So, let me let me see if I can explain what I'm talking about here There is a kind of interpretation of this passage with many egalitarians take

43:53

I would say that this is Wrong and they're using this in an incorrect way to overturn all of Scripture So they'll look at this and they'll say this is a feature of the fall that men will rule over the wife so because of Eve sin as a result of Adam and Eve sin

44:09

God is Bringing consequences to the woman one of those consequences will be that men will rule over women, but then

44:16

Jesus has come They'll talk about trajectory hermeneutic at this point Jesus has come basically to overturn all the consequences of the fall

44:23

So that hierarchy like the fact that man rules over woman, that's a consequence of the fall That's going to be overturned in the gospel

44:30

So that's just a feature of life in a fallen world that God has come to overcome I would say if you do that you basically you've taken the whole of the

44:38

Old Testament You've thrown in the trash As it relates to genders roles and you've taken the whole New Testament and you've thrown it in the trash as it relates to gender roles,

44:46

I would say that like that interpretation is I Don't know how you

44:52

How you go there with it now some people they won't go there with it They'll basically say what does it mean?

44:59

He shall rule over you Well, they'll say that there is this battle for the sexes I'm talking about as a result of fall wives will attempt to dominate their husbands

45:07

But but in response to that man will be tempted to rule his wife with an iron fist

45:15

So they're not throwing out the fact that God has called man to rule They're essentially saying that man will be tempted to like dominate his wife back and he'll probably win

45:25

Okay, like he's gonna win the fight. That's what they're saying. Now. I don't think that this is what it means

45:31

But I can imagine someone there are people who will claim to believe in biblical roles who will then use that Interpretation of this passage as an excuse to tone down all the leadership rulership passages

45:48

Which talk about man's role over woman throughout the rest of the Bible to try to use it not to just destroy it

45:54

But to try to tone it down to the point where it almost doesn't exist Okay there are people who do that and then there are people who are just basically say no this will be a common temptation in the

46:03

Reverse where men will seek to rule over their wives But he'd nevertheless is the ruler of his home too, but he's gonna be ruled ruling over her in a harsh way

46:12

And I would say that You know, if you take that interpretation of the passage, it really isn't that significant.

46:18

Okay, I understand what you're communicating There probably is that problem in the reverse. That is a problem that does need to be addressed

46:24

I don't think it's really what it's talking about here What I think is actually happening here is I think it's just This is just a statement of truth

46:33

This is an inescapable reality. This is what you might describe as an inescapable concept Woman as a result of fall will desire to dominate her husband

46:41

But the man's rulership over woman is kind of an inescapable concept. She's not gonna win.

46:47

She's ultimately not gonna win God has established male rulership in the world and that's the way it's gonna work and that's the way that it always has worked now

46:55

I think that that's what the passage is saying and I think that's what makes the most sense since doing the most honor to the

47:01

Passage and that's the interpretation. We're going to go with So the fact that men will rule over Women is obvious in plain from the passage.

47:10

It's not a feature of the curse Notice that in the creation account woman is made from man and for man

47:18

First Corinthians comments on this first Corinthians 11 For man was not made from woman but woman from man neither was man created for woman, but woman was created for man

47:27

Notice that woman does not name man But Nan names woman notice that the Bible repeatedly uses the language of rulership as it relates to husbands in general

47:37

So as you read through the Bible, you'll realize that there is this word patriarch This used many times in the

47:46

New Testament It's a compound word Pater meaning father Arche meaning ruler

47:52

Patriarch is a father ruler see in Acts 2 29 brothers I say to you with confidence about the patriarch

47:57

David he both died He was buried in his tomb and is with us to say this concept of father ruler Acts 7 8 and he gave him the covenant of circumcision so Abraham became the father of Isaac and The circum circumcised him on the eighth day and Isaac became the father of Jacob and Jacob of the twelve patriarchs the father rulers

48:18

Acts 7 9 and the patriarchs like this father rulers We just talked about jealous of Joseph sold him into Egypt, but God was with him

48:26

Romans 9 5 to them belong the patriarchs is talking Paul is talking about Israel and The benefits that God had bestowed upon him and to the

48:34

Patriot into them belong the patriarchs and from their race according to flesh It's the Christ who is God over all and blessed forever.

48:40

Amen Of Romans 15 8 for I tell you Christ became a servant to the circumcised to show

48:46

God's truthfulness in order to confirm the promises given to the patriarchs Hebrews 7 4 see how great this man is is a

48:53

Benelik our No I've spaced him

48:59

Melchizedek See how great this man is Melchizedek to whom Abraham the patriarch gave a tenth of the spoils

49:05

So there is this concept of father ruler that's in the Bible Look at the Old Testament You realize that all the rulers that God has established were men

49:13

Start to finish you see God's pattern in the church God has established male leadership within the church

49:18

God has established male leadership within home so much so that Isaiah Isaiah comments that About Israel.

49:26

He says I'll ask my people infants other oppressors women rule over them that this is an inescapable concept

49:31

This is the way the world works when you read through the New Testament You realize that there is subject language that's applied to wife that were tempted to tone down We've taken submission language of wife

49:42

We've kind of turned it into this hypothetical thing that maybe she should every once in a while provided that he's on his best behavior

49:48

And loving her perfectly Submit to him You know assuming that she's not really can you know have strong opinions about it?

49:56

We've taken submission language and making made it basically white unicorn almost never should be exercised kind of concept

50:03

In fact if a husband ever exercises Asked his wife to submit to anything. He's probably in the wrong

50:08

That's the way we treat it, but there is this subject language in the Bible, which is pretty pretty strong So first Peter 3 1 likewise wives to be subject to your own husbands be subject to your own husbands

50:19

So that even if some do not obey the word they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wife The word there in Greek is who potassium in away

50:27

Which is to subject yourself be subjected or be subordinated what is the subject?

50:33

What is the subject? Here's a subject a person under the dominion or rule of a sovereign.

50:41

This is pretty strong language I just look up the words. It's very strong language So who put who potassium in I to subject oneself to be subjected or subordinate to obey?

50:53

Point here is to say that this in many ways is an inescapable concept It's inescapable concept because of the nature of the way that God has meant made men

51:01

When a woman rules in the world, it's because men are Allowing her to rule

51:07

Like you do you understand what I'm saying? If you have a if you have a man who can physically dominate a woman

51:16

If she is going to tell him what to do is because he lets her Man does not have to resort to Manipulative tactics in order to get his way with his wife now when you're living in a society right now that is

51:32

Policing man's authority in that way so hard to the point where they may be scared To ever force their wives to do their own will and they shouldn't do that.

51:41

I'm not saying that they should do that I'm just I'm just Suggesting like if you understand the way the world actually works if you have a stronger sex and a weaker sex

51:50

And one of them wanted to get their way the stronger sex is going to be able to get his way if he wants it and He can he's going to be like I'm not

51:58

I'm not suggesting he's authorized just to force anyone to let him do his way

52:03

But I mean look at the history of the world You'll see that there's a lot of evil men out there who are forcing women to do things that they shouldn't do Because they have the strength to do it you watch internet videos and you'll see particularly in Europe right now

52:16

But also in major cities in our country evil men Using their strength to force the weaker sex to do what they want

52:25

You'll see videos of men just walking alongside and punching a woman in the face or stealing from her

52:30

And and then you'll see all the rest of the cowardly men out there who are just standing there watching it happen as if they Have no responsibility to try to help her but I'm just I'm just suggesting that got when

52:41

God has designed a sex that's stronger than the other sex That stronger sex does have the ability to take what he wants by force in a way that the weaker sex

52:53

Doesn't and so then in a situation where a group of men set up a female queen female ruler that woman is not ruling on the basis of her own

53:07

Ability to secure her power She's ruling on the basis of other men who are going to protect her power for her.

53:17

Do you see what I mean? That's the way it works Like Meaning she's not able to stop the attacks from the enemy

53:25

So when Israelites chose Saul as a leader, why did they do so because he was tall? And they they understand biology they understand the way the world works that you know two guys of equal fighting capacity and if equal fighting capacity and training

53:43

If one is bigger than the other the bigger one generally is going to win That's the way it works if they're of equal fighting capacity

53:50

They wanted Saul because they wanted someone who would protect him. So that's the way the world works so the way the world works is that Patriarchy father rulership.

53:59

This is just kind of an inescapable concept It's the way that the world works anytime women are exerting dominance over men is because the men are letting them.

54:08

I Did a podcast on this once where I was talking about the problem of wife beating And I had so many

54:15

I'm not laughing at the concept of wife beating. I'm laughing at the reactions I got I got so many reactions from people basically telling me that Right now the problem is shifted the other direction to where women are actually beating their husbands and the

54:30

Statistics somewhat bear that out statistics somewhat bear that out now that domestic violence really isn't just a male male problem anymore it gets

54:41

Just as common with females as with males, but the thing is like when a man is being beat by a woman

54:48

He's submitting to that beating In a way that when a woman's being beaten by beaten by a man

54:54

She didn't have any choice Like the moment the guy decides he's he's had enough of it He could do something about it and the fact that he isn't

55:02

Doing anything about it like guys who were in that kind of relationship when they don't do something about it It's generally not because they're afraid of her

55:10

It's being this because they're afraid of other men Who are going to who are going to take her side and destroy their lives?

55:17

Do you understand what I mean? The point is just to say that patriarchy is inevitable consequence Despite the fact that woman will try to dominate man.

55:24

It really this isn't the way that world God has designed the world to work Now, what do we do with all this?

55:30

Well marriage is meant to be a picture of Christ's relationship with the church Ephesians 5 28 says in the same way

55:35

Husbands should love their wives as their own body. He who loves his wife loves himself For no one ever hated his own flesh

55:41

But nourishes it and cherish it just as Christ does to the church because we are members of his body

55:48

Everything that we've been talking about as it relates to marriage in our study on Genesis about basic truths

55:55

Points us to this mystery the Bible says therefore man shall leave his father and mother hold fast to his wife

56:00

Genesis 2 24 2 will become one flesh Paul says this mystery is profound.

56:06

I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church However, it let each one of you love his wife as himself and see let the wife see that she respects her husband

56:15

Ultimately God had a plan for marriage and that plan didn't culminate in the fall So I'm talking about some of the consequences of the fall today

56:22

And I've spent a lot of time talking about some of the consequences Of the fall today in the purpose of me talking about the consequences of the fall today is not just to say hey

56:30

It's hopeless. There's despair all the way down. It's gonna be hard be afraid That's the message that many people in society are hearing today, it's just gonna be hard be afraid

56:39

I'm not saying that I'm trying to Say hey, let's be realistic about the nature of the temptations

56:44

We face and I'm trying to be specific and tell you here are the temptations that you're going to face You have a lot of guys out there you have a lot of guys out there today

56:53

Who are looking at these temptations are saying? Yeah, I see them. They're real they exist Society refuses to talk about them as actual temptations and things that are happening

57:04

Society refuses to believe that this can actually happen And if it is happening is they're gonna blame it on me.

57:10

That's a lot of men are saying today therefore They conclude that the point is just then I shouldn't get married

57:17

You know so you have the whole men go in their own way kind of crowd. They're saying I shouldn't get married So they're looking around they're saying hey,

57:23

I don't yeah I don't see a lot of women who want to follow a man you want to submit to a man I see a bunch of strong, but like women who are telling themselves.

57:30

They're strong powerful courageous independent don't want to submit to man in anything Therefore why bother it's not worth it systems rigged against me.

57:38

Why even try right why even try why even go there? That's just gonna be a bunch of heartache, and that's going to be a bunch of pain problem is that those men are cowards and fools

57:49

That's the problem those men are cowards and fools God has told us.

57:55

What is good? He's introduced some problems into the equation, but there's nothing this

58:01

Because this is there's nothing that's less manly Than looking at a man who sees a problem and curls up in the fetal position and wants to quit

58:12

Like there's nothing more contemptible and pitiable than all that And the reason why is because it is like part of what it means to be a man

58:23

It's not just to live in the reality of the fall and say hey, it's going to be hard Let's complain about how hard it's going to be

58:29

And let's talk about how impossible everything is and how scary it always That's not what it means to be a man what it means to be a man is to say hey

58:38

God created this thing. He said it was good. He said it was very good what after creation of woman It's very good falls made it more difficult

58:46

But then he's called me not just to be a crybaby and a wimp He's called me to look at what

58:51

Jesus has done on the cross for us right Jesus has come to die on the cross

58:57

In order to restore harmony between the sexes he doesn't restore harmony between the sexes by overturning all the hierarchies

59:06

He restores harmony by the sexes by saying that marriage itself was meant to be a picture of Christ's relationship with the church

59:13

So just as the church submits everything to Christ So also wife should submit to everything and their husband husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

59:24

But I was telling you that marriage itself is part of God's plan for the human race

59:31

And it is meant to be a picture of greater realities and that gives you some hope that the fall is not the last word

59:37

Just because there's problems out there. That doesn't mean this it's unsolvable

59:43

I mean if you're a young man today you're looking for a wife and you think that the way you're gonna find a wife is to Find a woman who's perfectly submissive who would never disagree with you

59:51

You would always do everything that you say I hate to tell you that that's really not the thing that you're gonna find

59:58

But that doesn't mean that you know There's only two options like the perfectly submissive woman who does everything that you say

01:00:06

Or the woman who fights you tooth and nail and is the contentious woman. There's there's broad spectrum between you know those two extremes

01:00:14

And you're called to find a wise wife and you're called to lead in these kind of Encounters marriage is meant to be a picture of Christ's relationship with the church

01:00:25

The fall isn't the last words brothers and sisters Marriage is a good

01:00:31

These are the temptations That you might see But just because you see one of those temptations

01:00:39

That doesn't mean that that has to be the whole scope of your reality.

01:00:44

It's your job if you're a husband. It's your job to Lead the way out of there That means you don't get dramatic

01:00:52

Yeah, that means you don't blow things way out of proportion. That means you understand the basic temptations that your wife might face

01:00:58

You have gospel answers to those that you're gonna give them and you're gonna hope that God will use those for his good and for His glory and if he doesn't you're gonna keep on going and you're gonna persevere because God this is something that God's called you to for the good of The human race for the good of society for the good of the church for the good of the world

01:01:17

If your wife and here you should understand that these are real temptations you'll face You may be tempted to be annoyed at me for taking so long and talking about him.

01:01:28

That's not the right answer These are real temptations that you face You may have a great capacity and temptation to think that when you face those temptations, it's all your husband's fault

01:01:37

That's what the world's kind of telling you. It's not He may be a scoundrel on his own part, but you're also a scoundrel

01:01:44

So you're both scoundrels and that's what marriage is two scoundrels being put together and God helps clean you up a little bit And and the way he helps clean you up is putting you together in close proximity to each other

01:01:53

So you're forced to deal with it. You're forced to deal with it when I got married I realized how sinful I was pretty quickly

01:01:59

And if I didn't realize the things I didn't realize I started to realize more when I had kids and you know what like there's

01:02:04

Still a lot more there that I need to deal with That I'm learning every day But that's what marriage is

01:02:10

It's two sinners saying I do and the only hope for marriage is not going to be found and you being a great person I only hope marriage is going to be found you

01:02:17

Understanding the good news that Christ has come to do for you what you can't do and he's not he's gonna help you

01:02:23

He's gonna help you Not to have to live in the reality of the fall as if that's just the final word

01:02:30

That's your whole daily experience. God has given us. Hope he's given us a path forward He's given us an example to Christ to follow and we should look to that.

01:02:37

Amen I was right Already, thank you for your words.

01:02:43

You've given to us. We know that you are a good God who delights to give your children good Gifts, we know that marriage is a good gift

01:02:49

We're not naive about the nature of the temptations that we face in this life Lord, but we know that you've

01:02:55

Ordained and established marriage as a good and we pray that you help our people here today to see it as a good and not to simply

01:03:04

Be running the script that the fall has provided for us to run But have hope in the gospel and hope in you your son's name afraid.