WWUTT 323 Husbands Understand Your Wives?

Wives are supposed to be submissive to their husbands. Husbands are supposed to be the head of their household. But this was a cultural thing 2 ,000 years ago. We don't have to follow that today, do we?

Yeah, we do, because we're always supposed to be submissive to Christ when we understand the text.

You're listening to When We Understand the Text, an online Bible ministry committed to teaching sound doctrine and exposing the faulty. Find videos and more at our website, www .wwutt .com. Now here's our host, Pastor Gabe Hughes.

Thank you, Becky. So we are in 1 Peter 3, verses 1 -7 again today, continuing our discussion about the relationship between husbands and wives. Let's begin in verse 1. 1 Peter 3,. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won over without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing that you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

So here's how we want to begin. We're going to look at a couple of different passages, one in Ephesians and the other in Colossians, where Paul gives instructions about the relationship between husbands and wives.

I also want to come back to this section that Peter mentions, talking about your beauty being internal instead of external. We'll look at a couple of more passages related to that, and then we will conclude talking about this final command that is given to husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

It's that phrase in particular, so your prayers may not be hindered, and we'll come back to and talk about it at the very end. So let's look at the husband and wife dynamic in a couple of other contexts, Ephesians 5 and also in Colossians 3.

Submission in Ephesians 5 and the Call for Husbands to Love Sacrificially

So first of all, going to Ephesians chapter 5, now this is probably the most used section of scripture when it talks about husbands and wives. The first thing that Paul says in Ephesians 5, 21, is that the whole church is to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

That's the command that's made. Then we get to verse 22, and then Paul splits this out into the dynamics here on earth in which we are supposed to submit to those who are in authority. So the first command is given to wives.

Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now the word there in verse 22 for submit is being borrowed from verse 21, where it says submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That word only appears there, the Greek word for submit.

It is borrowed in verse 22, because the way that Greek is written, that's kind of the context. I've heard Votibacham teach on this, and he says the word submit in verse 22 ought to be italicized because it's actually being borrowed from verse 21.

So we need to understand the full context of all the commands that Paul is giving there to the church when we get to verse 22, and then understand that command that is to submit. So anyway, that's kind of a lengthy explanation, but that all goes into, all of this has a greater context.

We're not just looking at wives submit to your own husbands in a vacuum, for the command has been given to the entire church to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That means that there is somebody in the church that has been called to do a certain thing that you're not called to do, and you need to submit to that calling that they have.

Not claiming that you can do it better or being jealous of that person because they have that opportunity and thus trying to take that opportunity from them. It is not for you to do that. You be submissive to your calling and also be submissive to the calling that another person has.

So in this way, I, as the pastor of the church, even submit to women in the church, considering that they have roles that they've been called to that I've not been called to have. So if you need a greater context of this or need a better example of this, rather look at Titus chapter two, because there we have the commands that are given for mentorship in the church.

The older men are supposed to mentor the younger men and the older women are supposed to mentor the younger women. There are things that an older woman can say to a younger woman that I cannot say to a woman and should not be saying to a woman.

One of the things that I think of in regarding my wife and advice that I have seen her give to younger women is how to care for their infants. I once overheard a conversation that she had with a younger woman about exactly how to breastfeed, and that's advice that I cannot give, nor do I know anything about that.

So these are ways that a woman guides another woman in the church or an older woman in particular would have a mentorship over a younger woman. And there are things being done there that a man should not be doing and advice that a man can't give.

And so in this way, men even submit to the women in the church. This does not mean, though, that a woman can have a position of authority in terms of holding the position of a pastor. We have it stated for us plainly in first Timothy chapter two, that I do not permit a woman to have authority over a man, rather she is to remain quiet.

And this is being spoken about in the context of the offices of elder and deacon, which we then get into in first Timothy chapter three. So a woman cannot hold those positions, but there are things that she can do in the church, which even men must be submissive to that particular calling.

So that's what Paul is talking about in Ephesians chapter five, verse 21, where he says that we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. But then when he gets to verse 22 and says, wives submit to your own husbands, what we basically have here is that the woman or the wife in particular, let me clarify that the wife, not any women, not all women are supposed to be submissive to all men.

That's not the command. But in a marriage, in the relationship of marriage that God has established, he has created, it is a wife that is to be submissive to her husband. And this is an earthly picture of the way the church is supposed to be submissive to Christ.

And the wife, therefore, is the best earthly example that we have of good submission. So we should look at the way that a wife submits to her husband as that picture of that example of how the church submits to Christ.

Now, that doesn't mean the wife is the perfect example of submission because Christ is our perfect example. And that's kind of what this is pointing to. Christ submitted to the will of the father. We have that talked about in John.

It's talked about in Philippians chapter two, verses five through 11, as Christ submitted to the will of the father. So the wife submits to the authority of her husband. So Jesus is our perfect example of submission.

The wife is the best earthly example that we have been given. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now, you will often hear an argument that is made against this command that wives should submit to their husbands.

You often hear an argument being raised about how this was a cultural context or this had to do with the Greco Roman sort of idea of that particular age in the first century. And that's what Paul is writing according to.

But that doesn't apply to us in our culture here today. Yes, it does. It applies to all cultures in all places at all times. How can I draw that conclusion? Well, let me ask you this. Is the church always supposed to be submissive to Christ?

Therefore, all wives are always supposed to be submissive to their husbands. There is not a place and a time in a culture or a context in which you could say that the church is not supposed to be submissive to Christ.

And that's the connection that Paul is making here. Therefore, wives are always supposed to be submissive to their husbands, even in the United States of America in 21st century. But this is a wonderful, blessed thing.

And a wife should rejoice in the opportunity to be able to submit to her husband, knowing that she is that earthly example that we're all supposed to exhibit in terms of submitting to Christ. The wife displays that and she is able to do that in a way a husband cannot do.

A husband can't be as good an example of submission to Christ as the wife can be. So in this calling to service, which has been placed on her by God, she rejoices in him in being able to serve the Lord and others in this way, serving as an example of submission.

What a beautiful gift and what a beautiful calling has been given to the wife in this way. So now we get to husbands. Here's the command for husbands. Verse 25. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish.

So whenever a feminist in today's culture wants to say that this instruction here in Ephesians chapter five is oppressive toward women, well, they just haven't read the text far enough because here we get to verses 25 through 27, where men very clearly are being told to lay down their very lives for their wives, just as Christ laid down his life for the church.

What a huge sacrifice that must be made on the part of the husband. And again, this is something that a husband is called to do in a wonderful and even submissive way to the calling and command of God that a wife cannot do like her husband can do.

It is the calling of the husband to be the head of his wife. And what does the head do for the body? It nourishes the body, provides for the body. So the husband should be the primary caregiver for his household, providing for his home, for his wife and for his children, not just in physical care, not just in the material things that the family needs, but especially and most assuredly spiritually.

This is the way the husband is supposed to be providing for his home. So he has the responsibility of feeding his wife. He has the responsibility of nurturing and feeding his children in that spiritual way.

Husbands, it is upon you to lead your wives in prayer, to lead your wives in daily devotion, to lead your children also in prayer and in devotion in reading God's word. These are the things that have been called upon husbands to do.

And laying down our lives means we're going to be putting the needs of our household above our own. There are some hobbies that you want to do and are good for you to do. It is a good relaxant. It helps you to kind of regroup, focus your mind in another area.

It's okay to have hobbies and things that you want to do on your own. But you are going to have to lay down your desire for yourself and the things that you want to do that benefit you in order to be a benefit to your wife and to your children.

They need you. They want to be with you. Put aside yourself and your own needs for their sake, laying down your life for your wife and for your children, laying down your need and your desire and your want to be right to go to your wife and say to her, sweetheart, I was wrong and I need to repent of my pride and my selfishness and wanting what I want and ask you to forgive me.

And you have submitted to the Lord and obedience to his command in this way, in the way that you love your wife. Remember that you are to love her in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, as Peter talks about here in 1 Peter 3, 7.

So let me continue with Paul's instruction in Ephesians chapter five, and then we'll go on to Colossians three. So as we move on here, Paul says that verse 28, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. Does Christ put down the church?

No, of course not. And so a husband should not be putting down his wife. If you put down your wife, it's the same as putting down yourself. I am astonished at the number of husbands that I will hear putting down their wives do no such thing.

Even when you are not around her, even when she can't hear the words that you say, whatever you say about her with your friends, your relatives, the people that you're hanging around, let it always be praising lift up your wife.

And in doing so, uh, you praise the one flesh that you are husband and wife together. You're a team work as a team, encourage one another as a team for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. And the two shall become one flesh. Of course, this coming back to Genesis and also the words that Jesus says in Matthew chapter 19, this mystery is profound.

Paul says, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife. She see that she respects her husband. All right, let's go from here on to Colossians chapter three.

Wives, Husbands, and Gentleness in Colossians 3

So Colossians chapter three is where we see yet another way that Paul kind of illustrates the relationship between husbands and wives. Verse 18. Colossians three verse 18 wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

We have that command given just like that. Again, as we had seen it in Ephesians chapter five, then he says, husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Now, this may actually have sort of a cultural influence of the way that he words that because it was perfectly acceptable for a husband to scold his wife or to even beat his wife if she did something that he did not agree with.

That was in the Jewish culture as well as in the Greco Roman culture. Women were treated very poorly in the, in first century Roman empire. And so husbands are supposed to treat their wives with gentleness and respect.

That is what's being commanded of husbands here. And that was a very important command, particularly in that time period. But I think it's still just as important now, even though we live in a culture, at least here in the United States of America, we live in a culture that frowns upon a husband beating his wife.

If you have a tape of an NFL athlete leaked to the public of him beating his wife, which was the case that we happened with Ray Rice, the running back for the Baltimore Ravens. There was that video that leaked of him punching his wife in an elevator and knocked her out.

He's going to lose his job. And the, and the culture was calling out for the Baltimore Ravens to kick him off the team. So that's the way that our culture responds to wife beaters. It does not respond to a man who beats his wife favorably.

He is going to be ostracized and will become an outcast. But nonetheless, there are still husbands that treat their wives very poorly, badmouthing them, putting them down, badmouthing them to their friends.

You know, a common term that's used in our culture that husbands will use to describe their wives is ball and chain. Oh, the old ball and chain or refer to his wife as an old lady. And those are acceptable terms to refer to your wife, at least from as, as far as the cultural opinion is concerned.

But that's a horrible way to refer to your wife to call her a ball and chain. Really? You think you're imprisoned in your marriage to call her an old lady that she's as good as your grandma? I mean, what is that?

Where did that even come from? These are not acceptable ways to refer to our wives. And it's harsh. And yet Paul has this instruction, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Husbands, the words that you speak to your wife are supposed to be gentle and loving and endearing, speaking gently with her.

Even when I get snippy with my wife, I'm convicted and I must apologize to her for that harsh tone that I took, whether she took it offensively or not. I'm grateful for the Holy Spirit that convicts me in that way.

So this is the way husbands that we are supposed to treat our wives with gentleness and with respect. Verse 20, then children obey your parents and everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

So we have just two verses here that are directed toward wives and husbands versus 18 and 19. They're in Colossians chapter three, but still very important instructions on on how this relationship is to be nurtured between the wife and the husband, wives submitting to their husbands, husbands loving their wives and not being harsh with them.

The Internal Beauty of a Godly Woman

All right. So we have talked a little bit more about the dynamic between husbands and wives, according to the Ephesians five context in the Colossians three context. So that that pretty much covers what we've been talking about concerning husbands and wives in first Peter chapter three.

But again, there's a couple of areas I want to address before we finally say adios to this section and move on next week. And we get to verse eight. We'll talk about suffering for righteousness sake. A couple of other things that Peter mentions here.

First of all, in verse three, first Peter three, three, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry and the clothing that you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

I want to point out a couple of passages to you, one in first Timothy and the other in Proverbs. Let me go to Proverbs first, because that's the furthest one to the left. So Proverbs chapter 31, and this is a passage that, you know, surely you've heard read before the Proverbs 31 woman, an excellent wife who can find she is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant.

She brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it with the fruit of her hands. She plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the, to the staff and her hands to the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. You know, this is actually something that I can boast in my wife about because she has made sure that I am warm by buying me a scarf.

She introduced me to scarves. I did not realize what I was missing when I went out into the cold until my wife bought me a scarf. So she has, this applies to her. She's not afraid of the snow because she knows that she's helped to contribute to making her husband warm.

She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them. She delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her. Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. That's what the husband says. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her, give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates. That's exactly what we're talking about there. When we talk about the internal beauty of a woman rather than the external adorning of fine jewels or braided hair.

Now, let me come to first Timothy and see what Paul says here about the way that women are supposed to adorn themselves. So first Timothy chapter two, verse nine, women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works.

So what is being said here is not that a woman can't make herself look beautiful. I love when my wife makes herself look lovely and it makes me feel more important as a man because my wife would do that for me, would make herself look lovely for me.

I love that. So no problem with that at all. And that's not what the scripture is saying. What the scripture is saying though, is that that is not the determination of her beauty. It's not what she looks like on the outside.

It's what she looks like on the inside. With her good works, she shows the love of Christ that is in her heart from the inside out rather than from the outside in. This kind of goes back even to one of the rebukes that Jesus gave to the Pharisees.

You wash the outside of the cup, but the inside is still dirty. I tell you to wash the inside of the cup and even the outside will be clean. And so this is an example to all of us, for we all must be this way.

Letting the Lord change us from the heart, from the inside out, and then even the outside will look presentable and will be attractive. So that's covering that section there of 1 Peter 3. Now let me address that last sentence that he gives to the husbands so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Reading that full verse again, 1 Peter 3, verse 7. Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. So, you know, and I would say this is not just physically.

This is also emotionally. Men are a little bit easier to figure out emotionally than women are. And so men, there are going to be times when you're going to have to put aside what you don't understand about a woman and actually open yourself up to her in such a way to find out what it is that's going on in her heart.

Not trying to figure it out from your manly ways, because in your manliness, you're not going to figure her out. I'm just telling you that now. So taking the moment to sit down and talk with her and say, sweetheart, what is on your mind and what is on your heart?

In this way, you are coming to her in a very understanding way, not trying to figure it out as a man, but wanting to hear her heart expressed to you as a woman. There's probably a way that you're able to figure out your dudes, your guy pals much easier than you can figure out your wife.

But you're not supposed to be intimate with those guys. You're intimate with your wife. So learn from her in an intimate way, talk and have conversations and ask her to express to you her heart. What is on her mind showing honor to the woman showing honor to her?

Don't focus on weaker vessel part. All right. Well, sweetheart, you're the weaker one. No, that's not how you're supposed to respond. What you're supposed to understand is that God has given you an instruction as a husband to lead his wife.

And so that's simply how you're supposed to understand this, not pointing at her and saying you're weak, sweetheart, but that you understand the responsibility that you have as the head of the household, as the provider of your family, especially when it comes to spiritual needs.

So since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, in other words, you don't treat her as though you're better than her. She is a fellow heir in the kingdom of God so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Now, here's how this phrase is important. If you mistreat your wife, if you think of your needs ahead of your own, if you do not consider her in an understanding way, if you lord yourself over her, if you are domineering, if you put her down with your words, your prayers are hindered.

If there is strife in your marriage, there is strife between you and God. And so if you love your wife the way that Christ loves the church, laying your life down for her, then there is peace between you and God and your prayers that you are lifting to God are being able to worship him in a right way, in a way that you are free from stain and blemish from the strife that is going on in your marriage and are now able to come to the Lord and worship him without any kind of hindrance.

Where there is strife in your marriage, there is strife in your worship. And so we must keep even the marriage bed pure and undefiled, the instruction that is given to us in Hebrews chapter 13, so that our relationship between God is also undefiled.

What is going on in our marriage is also what's going to be going on between us and God. So wives submit to your husbands as is good to the Lord and husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.

And that's our instruction today on husbands and wives. Let us pray. Our great God, we thank you so much for this word, these words of wisdom that have been given to us. And I pray that we would be receptive to them and submissive to them because ultimately this is our supreme authority in this world, the Bible.

And we are to be submissive to these words. A husband must take the role that he has been designed for with joy. And a wife takes the role that she has been designed for, also glorifying God and submitting to her husband.

And husbands and wives become examples even to those who aren't married of the way that we are supposed to be submissive to Christ, who is the husband of the church, his bride. So let us all submit to you and your authority is given in your word and glorify you and that others would glorify you on the day of visitation because they see the way that we love the Lord and obey his commands.

Praise you God for you are great and worthy, the faithful husband when we have been the unfaithful spouse. And it is by your word that we are being cleansed and purified for the day of glory. We praise you in the name of Christ.

Amen.

This is When We Understand the Text, a daily Bible commentary to help encourage your time in the word. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday we feature New Testament Study, an Old Testament book on Thursday, and our Q &A on Friday.

Now here's your teacher, Pastor Gabe.