Marks of a Biblical Husband

Welcome to the Laborer's Podcast. Thank you for joining us tonight. We're going to be discussing what is a biblical husband.

Pray for us. Here we go. Welcome to the Laborer's Podcast, which is a part of the

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Now let's join our laborers for tonight's broadcast. When we get to the

Laborer's Podcast, the comment line is open. Let us know that you're there. Say hello if you have a question, comment, critique.

We're open to that as well. We look forward to hearing from you. Remember that the 2024

Laborer's Conference Empowered by the Holy Spirit is coming up in April, the end of April, last weekend of April, 2024 at Reformata Baptist Church.

We have a website, laborersconference .com. You can go there and you can register. Just click the word register.

It will take you to the page and fill out the information. It's basically your name and your email so that we can get in contact with you.

There's a list of topics. There's a list of speakers. There is a map.

There's things that you can do in Knoxville, Tennessee. I think there's a list of hotels that you can look into in the surrounding area.

There's a lot of information there and we encourage you to go check it out. We also look forward to seeing you at Reformata Baptist Church for the

Laborer's Conference. How much is that? It's free! Believe it or not, it is free!

We're gonna have to capture that sound by Tyler saying free! It's like a used car salesman commercial or something.

Well, we've been having a conversation before we come on air tonight and we, Cald and I, were just encouraged by what

Tyler was telling us, what the church is doing through Bread of the Word podcast and what's going on at his church.

We're thankful for Tyler and how he takes us deep into the word on Bread of the

Word podcast. How are you doing, Tyler? I'm doing well. Excited to be here. Good.

I'm thankful that when I make my shorts and my reels that I can use those clips on TikTok and most of them come from Tyler and his words of wisdom.

I'm thankful for him and I know it's an encouragement to those who listen. Here I stand,

Theology Podcast. How are you doing, Claude? Doing good, sir. Good, good, good.

We love Claude and his heart and his interviews. They're fantastic.

Got any good ones coming up soon? Actually, I was just on with Daryl King over in Second Reform on Friday.

I was on with him on his podcast called CCC. You were on just a couple of weeks, three weeks prior?

I think so. Something like that. I had a great time with him there. Tomorrow, I'm going to be on with Jay Mintello, the

Reformed Recon. I'm going to be on with Jay tomorrow evening. We're going to be talking about confessions.

Nice, nice. You're going over this 1689, correct, at your church? Yes, sir.

We are. Right now, we're on chapter 21, Religious Worship and the

Sabbath Day. We're on paragraph four of that chapter, five, maybe five.

We canceled last week, so I think we were going to hit paragraph five of chapter 21, maybe 22.

Sorry, I'm saying it wrong. Chapter 22, paragraph five is where we are on that. I would definitely encourage everybody to go to Reformed Baptist Church Facebook page.

I know it's on there, definitely. It's posted on there. If you don't know what we're talking about, it's called the 1689

Second London Baptist Confession of Faith. A lot of Reformed Baptists adhere to that confession.

If you want to learn more about it, check out the Reformed Baptist Church Facebook page and check out those videos.

And we just finished Luke. Yes, yes.

So, what's that feeling like to have completed a sermon series, basically, through an entire book?

Well, as I mentioned to the church last Sunday morning, it's, what's the word, bittersweet, right?

And probably more bitter simply because muscle memory,

I don't know if that's the right word or not, because it's a challenge now to say, okay, let's turn to this book of the

Scripture, and this is what we're going to start looking through now, because for four years now,

I mean, Luke has been the primary text that I'm turning to when I start my study in sermon preparation, and now it's going to be all different.

Nice. Do you know where you're going next? Yeah, yeah. We're actually going to be examining the sermons of Haggai, Zechariah and Haggai, and particularly the sermons themselves in the context of the book of Ezra.

So, we started last Sunday to discuss the, well, really to just introduce the sermon series and really to talk about experience.

We talked about experiential theology in the sermon. That's also on the YouTube page on the

Sunday Sermon now on Facebook as well, but we just talked about the, basically, the big picture is the importance of preaching throughout church history, both old and the

New Testament. Wow. Yeah, it's a big undertaking.

Well, we're all going to be blessed by that. I'm sure of that. I'm going to turn it over to Tyler.

Tyler's going to be our moderator slash host for the next two weeks. Next week, we definitely encourage you to be with us.

Some of the laborers and their wives are going to be with us next week, and we're going to be talking about what is a biblical wife, and I look forward to having them with us so that you can see that we do have better half.

I agree. So, Tyler, you take it away, brother, and Claude and I will do the best we can and just remember that you are welcome to give any insight that God has bestowed upon you answering these questions, so feel free to interject whenever you'd like.

Well, as the eligible bachelor of the Truth and Love Network, I will be delighted to take any notes.

What a plug! So, starting off, jumping off into the deep end here with what is a biblical husband, first question is, when you feel overwhelmed and your plate is always full, how do you prioritize your wife as your number one earthly relationship?

I think with that question, I'm making an assumption there, and you guys can tell me if you agree or disagree, but amongst our earthly relationships,

I would say that it's our wife who has number one priority. Okay, okay, and I thought you guys would land there as well.

I feel like that's the most biblical position to take, that our wives have number one place amongst, even before our children.

Yes, I'm glad you said that. Yeah, and that can be tricky, and that can be a hairy situation sometimes in folks' lives, but definitely our number one priority, but I have to re -evaluate, and I've had to do that, of course, a lot.

I think probably we as men, or I guess I need to speak for me personally, if I don't have enough going on,

I feel like I need to be doing something. I don't know if you guys have ever felt that way.

Yeah, I feel like I need to be doing something, but then I get too much on my plate, and so I have to re -evaluate, what do

I need to take off? What can I remove? Because God has gifted so many other people besides me, probably better than me, and can do things better than I can do, and so it's nothing for me to take something off my plate, because God can fill that hole, if there's a hole there to be filled, and so I don't need to feel any regret taking things off my plate so that I can prioritize my life.

Amen. I would agree, and I would add this too, from a pastoral perspective, our wives come before the church.

I mean, this is something that we've communicated to the church for years. Above anything, my wife is going to come before everything.

My wife is going to come before the ministry. She's going to come before, like we've had to have that talk through the years about one another being, and I know it sounds callous just saying it objectively, but yeah, before even our son, right, because God made us two one.

What happens a lot of times is, and it's just natural, but the children don't have to be taught how to sin.

They don't have to be taught how to pit the parents one against another.

Tyler, you're the oldest, right? Yep. Yep. So within your familial relationship, have you or have your brothers ever tried to pit your parents against one another in favor of getting their way?

I think my little sister's catchphrase when she was younger was, Mommy said yes. Yeah, but it should always go this way.

I would say this, too, in that, like, you know, what did Mommy say? Okay. Then when she goes to Daddy, Daddy should ask, what did

Mommy say? Regardless, right? And vice versa.

The mother should say, what did your Daddy say? And then they stick together no matter what.

You start that young, you'll be good. I just find it interesting,

Claude, that you brought in the pastoral component there, because a lot of the churches I've grown up in, you kind of have this polarizing idea of how the wife relates to the body.

You've got some churches where the wife is seen but not heard, that she's almost like a fly in the wall or almost like an ornament on the side of the pastor.

Correct. Or you have the opposite end of the pendulum where she's basically doing everything. Yeah. He's got the title and she's really the one getting everything done.

She's writing his sermons. Basically. So I found that component interesting, the way you went in that pastoral direction.

Yeah. Because again, same thing. We too are one.

And we know our wives aren't co -pastors or co -elders, but they are a part of who we are.

We're a package deal. We go together. And Scripture speaks of not, you wouldn't do that to yourself.

And so if you do that to your spouse, then you're doing it to yourself. So you're not just hurting the other person, you're hurting this new creation that God has joined together.

Correct. And it's also discipling at the same time, discipling the congregation to know, just like we try to teach our children, right?

That we are one. So what the pastor and the pastor's wife have to do is model biblical, godly relationships to the congregation.

So the congregation, it's instructive. Let me just say that.

It's instructive for the congregation and very intentionally positive instruction for the congregation, or it should be.

I think there's two other reasons why the marriage relationship is held in such high honor.

It's because it reflects the gospel and it reflects the relationship between Christ and his church, his bride.

The marriage relationship plays such a high role in God's kingdom, in God's economy.

Amen. That we should prioritize it just as much, as high as he does. That's exactly right.

That ties right into question two, because the Bible tends to use, especially in the almost pastoral language sometimes, for the husband role.

And sometimes we kind of get twitchy about that in my generation because a lot of times we've bought into this lie that that's somehow manipulative or oppressive or something like that.

So I guess the question would be, what does it look like to shepherd in the home? And what are some ways that we can dishonor both

God and our wives in misapplying that? I started first last time,

Claude. All right. So to build on what

Tyler said there, because I appreciate how he mentioned that or how he brought that forward there, here in the questions.

So number one, a shepherd loves his sheep.

He loves those that he's tending to. Because of that love, and it all stems from the love, because of that love, he cares for.

There's a difference between love and care. Care, I would say, is the outworking of love, like wrath is the outworking of anger.

So there's that care where we actually show genuine kindness, genuine concern, genuine care for our wives.

And that leads us to shepherding, which means to oversee or to look out for, to look out for.

And so what is a way that we dishonor God and our wives?

And how can we correct those areas? I think a bitter, vengeful, angry love, or that's not love.

That's a perversion of love, bitter, angry, resentful, domineering.

And I'm going to use that term. I'm going to say this. Let me do my thing where I scooch up next to the camera here.

This idea that is communicated in some circles, some

Christian circles, that basically the man's the head of the home and the woman needs to be in the kitchen, barefoot cooking and cleaning.

That ain't cool. I don't think that's biblical at all. That's just that whole caricature of the conservative

Baptist in the 70s. Yes. Yes. That's not biblical. I don't think that's

Christian. I think that is domineering in setting, men are setting themselves up in a place where they ought not to set themselves up, because that is not how

Christ shepherds his people, in a domineering, lording over way, which it's just a lot of the language that's used by some circles is demeaning and belittling of women.

So I'm going to say that, and my wife ain't even on with me, so I'm not afraid of her hitting me. I've heard people talk about taking dominion over their wives, pointing to Genesis 2, and that's not it.

No, that's not it at all. So I would say that would be a way that we dishonor God and our wives when we try to be a domineering taskmaster over them, and we put unbiblical burdens like the

Pharisees did on the people constantly on our wives when they don't need to be there.

All right, Rob, your turn. Just to pick up on you taking the analogy of the shepherd and all that the shepherd does for the sheep, the shepherd is going to take the flock to the best place where there's the greenest grass, where there's the most protection from the wolves, and sometimes to get there, you've got to be strategic, and you've got sheep that don't want to take that route to get there, so you've got to be strategic.

We're just under shepherds, under Christ, and so we're not the

Lord, so we need the Lord, and we need other men, and we need wisdom from Scripture, from the

Holy Spirit, and how to find that place, that destination where our wives are most protected, our wives are fed spiritually the best, finding that place, finding that destination, and then figuring out how best to get, and that's going to be different with each individual person, how you get there, because we're all different, and how you lead your wife.

So you've got to study your wife, you've got to study the landscape, so it takes effort, and we need one another, we need

Scripture, we need the Holy Spirit, and we need the Lord, and the way we can dishonor

God and dishonor our wives in that is don't put forth any effort. Yep, that's a good point.

Well, to continue pulling that thread on honor and dishonor, there was a book that came out many years ago called

Love and Respect by, I forget who wrote it, and the thesis of that is something

I've heard preached a couple churches from the pulpit, being that women need love and men need respect, and that's a model that really sold.

They might go to verses like in Proverbs where it says it's better to live out near a roof than with a nagging wife.

Yeah. But I think we're tempted in that to define those terms because, okay, on paper it might sound good to say that women need love and men need respect, but what does the

Bible say about these ideas? Yeah. How does the Bible define love and respect? Because I think we can take that and we can go back to that 1970s caricature of the

Baptist church with the man that needs to be respected, that he's the Lord of his house. Yeah.

So how does the Bible define love and respect in regards to our wives?

Well, I would say that, of course, the first one there, love, is going to be a fruit of the

Spirit, and so we've got to make sure that we are born again, we are saved, we are leaning on and trusting in that aspect of our sanctification that He is growing

His love in us. Yeah. So working all that out first is number one so that we can reciprocate that, or not reciprocate, but let that overflow to her from what

He's doing in us, and it can't happen without the Holy Spirit. So we've got to have the

Holy Spirit, and biblical love is going to be selfless.

Yeah. It is going to be, and that goes back to the shepherding part.

You want to get your wife, you want to get your family to that destination. Well, sometimes that takes the shepherd sacrificing himself to get them there.

Absolutely. And then protecting them along the way from dangers. So a lot of times how we define love according to the world is a selfish love to where we do something and as camouflaged as love, but it's to receive something in return, and I think that's kind of been the kickback on the love language books.

It seems that people want to know what their love language is, and they want they want that fulfilled.

They want to know what their love language is so they know how their spouse is supposed to treat them. It's all about, it's really selfish because you want it given to you because you know what yours is, and so if you treat me this way,

I'll treat you that way. It's kind of a selfish type love. It's an attempt to find a cheat sheet for your wife, isn't it?

Yeah. I can see the controller now.

I remember back in the 90s of the cheat codes for Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis.

You had to press up, up, up, up, up, up, left, left, down, down, down, whatever buttons 10 ,000 times.

That was a good point, Tyler. Well, and then the respect thing, too, is respecting who

God has made them, their gifts and their talents, and how

God wants to use them. Claude mentioned how we've abused,

God calls women keepers of the home, and how that has been twisted and wrongly used in the past, but understanding it biblically, we can respect their domain and how they like things.

I know my wife likes things a certain way, so I want to, and I've failed so many times at it, but I want to respect her and how she wants things done.

So, for example, is that like putting the dishes in the dishwasher instead of setting them on the sink?

Is that a good example? Socks, dirty clothes. Next week, this will all come out, folks.

Next week. But yeah, that's kind of where I would land on that one.

And so, mine would just be simply this, to say, how does the Bible teach us to love and respect our wives?

Ephesians 525. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

And that was summed up by Rob. Selfless love. Selfless love.

There was a pastor some time ago, when I was a teenager, a new Christian, that presented 1

Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 7, as a model. And said, take every occurrence of the word love and put your name there and see if it's still true.

And so it became a means of self -examination. Can I say, Tyler is patient,

Tyler is kind, Tyler does not envy, is not boastful, and is not arrogant. Tyler is not rude, is not self -seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.

Tyler finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. That gets pretty hard real quick.

And I think that's what you guys are hitting on, is this is work. That's exactly right.

It's a lot of work. There's not a simple formula that makes this super accessible, like some of the books try to make it out to be, you know, happy family by Friday when it's

Thursday. It's hard. Yeah. Well, and I don't want to unnecessarily, but I do enjoy interjecting things that we've talked about in the past and certain hot topics that are going on right now, but to interject it a little bit, the conversation about the

Holy Spirit. Yeah. Setting a bulk of that conversation aside, we believe that the

Holy Spirit is still working miracles. It's still working in us.

Amen. And if we truly see ourselves the way the Bible describes us, and then us treat our wives according to the first of the

Spirit, like you were talking about, Tyler, that is a miracle. That is a powerful work of the

Holy Spirit, because in and of ourselves, we would not treat another human being that way.

We would be totally and completely selfish. And so we totally, and I think both sides miss that sometimes, that the

Holy Spirit is working that mighty work in us so that we can love like Christ.

Amen. So it ties right into the gospel, doesn't it?

Yeah. I think that's a connection we're not always as keen to make these days, is that it's a gospel thing.

When I was 20 years old, J .D. Greer was all the rage in certain sectors of the

Southern Baptist Church, because his whole thing was, the gospel's the centerpiece. And it kind of became a catchphrase of his to say, this is a gospel issue.

And unfortunately, the term had eventually kind of lost some of its bite, just because of political motivations and everything else.

But I think that the sentiment remains there, that at the end of the day, this is a gospel issue. When we're talking about marriage, it's an outworking of the gospel.

It's a picture of Christ. We're exemplifying Christ to each other. That's right. And so to divorce one from the other is to have neither, isn't it?

Yeah, absolutely. That's a great point. So hang on to your butts on that one, because 1

Peter 3, 7 says, husbands in the same way live with their wives in an understanding way as with a weaker partner.

Some translations say weaker vessel. And right off the bat, my generation, we cringe at this one.

I've read the articles about how this is a misogynistic statement. Paul was this,

Paul was that. This isn't Jesus. We shouldn't take this seriously. But we have this in Yep.

So what do we do with this? Is it your turn or my turn,

Rob? I'm gonna give that one to you. Okay, okay.

All right. So this is a theological issue.

Well, not an issue. Maybe issue's the wrong word. But this is answered theologically.

So we go to creation. Quite simply, we just go to creation.

Man was made from the dust of the earth, right? So that makes us dirtbags, right?

Dirtballs, whatever you want to call us. Joking. I think the Hebrew literally comes out to the one from the dirt.

I had a professor that called him the dirtling. Yes. So man was made first.

That's what the scripture says. And woman was made of man. And she was called woman because she was of man, right?

So there's a natural order. God made man. God made woman.

But we cannot negate, nor should we ever forget what

God said. It's not good for man to be alone. So he made

Eve a helpmate for the man, right? So this is very, very important.

That's why that statement is a theological truth, an unchanging theological truth, right?

That the woman was to come alongside man to be a help and to be a comfort for him.

And man, in turn, according to God's command, loves, cares for, and sees to his wife's needs.

Help me on that, Rob, if I left anything out. No, no, no. I was just looking at chapter three.

And in a spiritual sense, those whom the

Lord has saved, as far as women goes, if you look at verses one through six, in a spiritual sense, the women that Peter are describing are massively strong in the

Lord. Yes. You have a husband who's disobedient to the word, and you can win him without a word, but by your behavior.

Yes. And instead of adorning yourself with jewelry and braided hair, you're dressing yourself with submission.

But you're not submitting to ultimately to him, but you're submitting to the Lord. That's right,

Rob. And then it says, just like the women of old, Sarah, who called him

Lord. That takes a very strong and secure woman to do that.

Yes. That she would submit to the Lord in such a way that she would adorn herself with submission instead of with jewelry and braided hair.

So these are very strong spiritually women that he's describing. Yes. And so we definitely want to lift them up.

And it takes a powerful understanding. It definitely takes the Holy Spirit to understand that situation, because that really goes against our grain, against the flesh, against the world, that we have to reorient our thinking that this is a gospel issue, as Tyler was saying.

This is about God's glory, that I would submit to a man who...

I think about the other passages of Scripture, maybe in the Gospels, where it says who can't...

I'm going to use my own translation here. Who can't love someone who loves them?

It's your enemies that you should pray for. In the same way here, it may be easier for you to submit to a man who is super spiritual and super godly, but here you have a man who's disobedient to the

Word, and the wife is saying, I'm submitting to the Lord. For His glory,

I'm going to dress with submission. And so that's such a powerful picture of a spiritual woman's understanding of what

God is doing in this world, that she would submit to Him. And I agree totally with what you were saying, that living with Him in an understanding way and as the weaker vessel, taking...

prioritizing them, taking care of them, encouraging them, building them up because they are such a great helpmate to us.

That's right. Yeah. I find it interesting, given the landscape of 1

Peter, that if you go back to chapter 2, and he's talking about Christ, who was obedient unto death, who submitted

Himself to the Father, why that we might die to sin and live unto righteousness.

And you who were going astray like sheep have now returned to the shepherd and overseer of your souls.

And then he says, in the same way, wives submit. Yep. Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as co -heirs of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Yep. And so he puts it right in the context of the gospel, you are exemplifying Christ in a very practical way.

And we want to treat them with honor, as Peter's saying, and not break them. Our partner who is trying to submit to the

Lord, and we don't want to return that with being too harsh or being selfish or unloving and break them.

We want to encourage them and make that easier for them. So you think that looks a little bit like how

Jesus was with His disciples sometimes? Shall we call down fire from heaven on them? And he kind of pats them on the shoulder and goes, no.

Yeah. I don't think so, Tim. I don't think so,

Tim. That speaks to the bigger picture, that Jesus saw the bigger picture.

And these spiritual women see the bigger picture. So what is the best advice concerning communicating with your wife?

Let me get a pen. And it's your turn,

Rob. So, uh -oh. Uh -oh, here we go.

Here we go. Let me make room. My brothers.

There we go. Pass to Jonathan. I apologize. I just now figured out how to get the

Wi -Fi to work here in this old country house that I'm staying in over here in Airbnb.

It's good to have you back, brother. Yes, it is. Good to see you guys. Good to see you guys.

I know it's late, and I know you're probably about wrapping up, but I decided to jump on anyways just to say hello. Good.

I mean, we're kind of just clicking along right now. We're on the question five of ten, so.

So just go ahead and ask the question to John. It won't be hard for him to answer this. So what is your best advice,

Pastor Jonathan, concerning communicating with your wife? Oh, man.

Just do it. Mikey, just do it. Just do it.

No, I'll make this real quick. I think for men, and I'll speak to the men to start with.

Men are like drippy faucets. How was your day? Fine. What'd you do?

Nothing. Your wife, the Bible says in the book of Genesis, part of the fall was she's going to desire for her husband, and so she's looking for a healthy drink of water, and so communication is very important.

We got to use our words, and the reality is a man uses probably 10 ,000 to 15 ,000 words a day, and a woman uses 40 ,000 to 60 ,000 words a day, and my wife knows

I'm typically in a deficit within the first couple hours of my day, and so I'm notorious for when

I get home, I want to just shut down, but as men, we've got to give our wives that face -to -face time.

In reverse, wives, a lot of time, they're not drippy faucets.

They're more like fire hoses, and sometimes a wife needs to know how to pull it back and be able to respond appropriately to her husband, and so Marcy and I work on that, and so men don't be drippy faucets, and women don't be fire hoses.

I tell everybody I'm an old country boy. I say one of the best things I used to do is love to come in from the hayfield and drink from the water hose, so there's plenty of water.

It's good and cold, but it don't drown you, and so that way if everybody becomes a good water hose to drink from in our communication, then nobody drowns, and nobody goes thirsty, and so that's just a quick blurb on that, but that's what

I would recommend when it comes to communication is learn to find those balances with each other, and you won't get frustrated with each other in that.

Amen. Well, it reminds me a little bit of James on talking about the tongue. He says it's both a raging fire and it's the stern of a ship.

Yep. Yep. Well, and just in case my wife watches this,

I'm mentally taking notes because I am no expert, and I've got a lot of room to grow.

Next week, we will find all of this out. I look forward to that episode.

That's going to be fun. Oh, yeah. I was going to throw in there, and it sounds maybe a little bit different analysis than what

Jonathan was giving, but I was just going to give the old cliche, a lot less talk and a lot more action, because communication for my wife is me listening, and I can go ahead and tell you, she will tell you that I've probably been doing a poor job and need to work at it better listening, so the action part comes in revealing that I've heard and I've listened, and I need to work on that a lot.

I'd probably just add to what I said, and I think it echoes what Robert just said, intentional engagement.

That's what I meant by face -to -face time is intentional engagement, and I do struggle with that, guys.

I mean, I do, because by the time I get home in the afternoons or at night, here lately it seems like it's been a lot of late at night, and we're tired, and she is too, and so it takes a deep intentionality to be able to do it well.

So on that note, Claude, how does a biblical husband extend forgiveness, and how does he ask for forgiveness?

Well, it goes back to what Jonathan said, just do it. Don't be afraid to ask for forgiveness.

As husbands, I'm going to put us all in the jar here.

We've all done stupid stuff. We've all acted in ways that wasn't necessarily

Christ -honoring or wife -honoring, and we've done things, and we just need to be willing to say,

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I messed up. And again, to that relationship that's set forth, like you mentioned,

Tyler, earlier, it's the marriage relationship that is always the comparative to our relationship with Christ, and so it's the same way.

We just need to be willing to recognize when we're wrong, to say, I was wrong, to say, please forgive me, and then move on, and then it just begins again.

It's reciprocated back and forth, back and forth, and I'll mention it again.

Somebody said one time, never apologize to your wife. I don't care how long they've been in the ministry.

I don't care how big they are. That's an idiot statement right there.

Never apologize to your wife, because there's plenty of times that we're wrong, and we just need to be willing to admit it and say, again, please forgive me.

I'm sorry. It sounds like somebody that needs to resign. What? Somebody who says...

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I appreciate you kind of alluding to the quickness of the forgiveness.

Yeah. I think there can be a time period of figuring things out.

Sometimes we may not understand. We need to get some clarification, but once everything's clarified, the quickness of it, which

I think what you guys were alluding to with the just do it, and then I think there's two parts to the forgiveness thing.

Of course, it's not really forgiveness if you bring it back up as a tool later on.

Then you know you didn't really forgive. So not bringing it back up.

Yep. You mind if I go Bible on us real quick? We buried the hatchet but left the handles taken out.

You mind if I go Bible on us real quick? Ephesians 5, husbands love your wives just like Christ loved the church, and I'm sure that's going to be a common theme this week, next week, and I'm sure you have already brought that up.

I know I'm late to the party, but I hold fast to Colossians, and Paul writes

Colossians 3 .13, bear with each other and forgive one another, and if anyone has a grievance against someone, forgive as the

Lord forgave you. So if we're going to be the priest of our home, the image of Christ, how much does

Christ forgive the church? Then how much have we been forgiven?

So I know Paul's writing to the church about unity in the church, but it definitely runs a parallel right with marriage, so I don't think it's completely out of context.

I think it's a both -and. So that's important, and I would say anybody that's been married any length of time,

I think one thing that a lot of times gets stepped over in a pastor's life, or pastors are not very transparent about, or even mature

Christians, they're not often transparent enough. If anybody's been married any length of time, at some point in time, as spouses, you're going to hurt each other, sometimes very, very severely, and so there's going to be mistakes made.

I mean, it's impossible to live those many years together without, at some point in time, serious problems and mistakes because we're still battling with this stupid fallen flesh.

So forgiveness is extremely important for the sanctity of marriage and those kind of things, and that's how we do it.

Forgive just as the Lord forgave us. So I just wanted to not take away, you got to just do it, and I would add, we say this a lot about worship, but it goes across the lines of even this.

This is not based on our feelings or how I feel. This is based on the obligation of Scripture, this command of Scripture to forgive just as Christ forgave us because our flesh doesn't want to forgive.

So that's a really big question. I thought that was a really big, important question in our list.

There's a bunch of big questions in our list, but that's one I just wanted to add a little context to. Well, next big question kind of gives us the other side of the first one.

With the husband as head of the household, with making decisions, where is the balance between making those decisions and being a shepherd when his wife may not agree?

Because as you said, there's going to be tension sometimes. There's going to be points of disagreement, and so how do you navigate that?

Your turn, Rob. No, this is Rob. This one's Rob. Okay. I'll answer the next one.

I'm ready for the next one. Well, I was going to ask you guys, do you think that there's a difference in our approach sometimes between material, physical decisions and spiritual decisions?

So as an example, if it was based on material, physical things favoring, if your wife disagrees with you, you know, maybe going with her decision, but when it comes to spiritual matters, being more apt to make that call on spiritual matters, do you think that's a good approach, a balanced approach?

But definitely taking, in both matters, definitely taking her opinion and her input seriously on both matters.

So if we're going to be consistent, I think I'm going to speak for our house. Yeah, go ahead, John. You go ahead,

Pat. Go ahead. No, seriously, you go. Oh, I'm just going to say real quick, it just, in our house,

I can only speak for our house. I think there is room for like what you're talking about, Robert, and especially in material things.

In my house, and this is not like a dogmatic thing or chauvinistic thing, what

I'm fixing to say, but it's just how Marcie and I have landed after, you know, 20 few years of marriage.

I do have the final, like, if we can't come to agreement, then she says,

I'll follow you, whatever you decide. And there's been times that I went with what

I felt was right, and it ended up being right, but there's been a lot of times that I went with what

I thought was right, and I should listen to her. So, you know, we really, as when the

Lord gives us a spouse as a helpmate, and our helpmate is really trying to help us, we really should listen.

So, be crazy not to. But I can only speak for my house, though.

At the end of the day, when on both sides of the matter, whether it's finances or material things or spiritual things, if there is a disagreement,

Marcie knows she has full reign to share her heart, her opinion. But then at the end of the day,

I'm the one that's going to make the decision and live with it. And we do make those decisions together. Don't get me wrong.

I hope that didn't come across wrong because a lot of times I look at her and say, you know what? I didn't see that. You're exactly right.

Let's do that. And then there's other times that I'm like, I don't know. Let's think about this.

And then there's a lot of times both should say, you know what? Let's take a break and let's pray about this. And let's see what God says about this.

Let's don't move until the Lord makes it really clear. But I still think at the end of the day, the head of the household still bears the weight of the responsibility and the weight of the consequences for the decision that he makes.

And if his wife is in disagreement, but submits to him anyways and honors her husband, then he's responsible for the consequences too.

Go ahead, Cole. What was you going to say? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. No, that's exactly. And that's exactly what

Rob walked through earlier with the first Peter three passage.

Exactly. And all I was going to say was, again, we go back and be consistent with the understanding that two become one so that there is that sharing in a sense.

Yeah. And I really don't see too much middle of the road with this question, because if you have both parties that are spiritually mature or not

Christian or one party that's not Christian or spiritually mature, then this question, this issue is just going to be a struggle.

It is going to be a struggle. But if you have both parties who are believers, who love the

Lord and who are seeking God's glory, then like Jonathan was describing, it is going to be a beautiful thing.

And it's going to be a beautiful portrait to the world when the husband says, God's given me this responsibility.

I'm going to be apt to making that decision. And the wife says, my husband is so kind to hear my opinion and I'm going to submit.

I mean, when both parties are submitting to the Lord, it's beautiful.

It's a wonderful thing. There's nothing better than a godly woman that says, honey, I got your back.

No matter what you choose, I'm with you. I'm with you.

I'm not going to go soak in the corner. I'm not going to. I mean, it helps a man be a man when a woman is that blessing and that Ruth model where you sleep,

I'll sleep, where you live, I'll live, where you go, I go. Own my bone, flesh of my flesh.

That's right. Where you are, I am. So it is. It's important that they share those opinions.

But I think the heart of that question is how do you balance that? And there really is no balance.

Even in disagreement, you still honor your wife wholeheartedly, even in disagreement.

And that's something that I think our culture has lost the art of knowing how to do that, to be in disagreement, but still be extremely respectful and still honoring and still loving, even if we clash on things.

That's one of the keys that unlocks a very successful marriage is learning how to do that. So there is no balance of honoring and in disagreement.

It's all honoring. It's all shepherding. It's all protecting. It's all loving.

And then it is leading. And if you do that well, even in disagreement, she goes, well,

I don't see it the way you see it, but I got your back, babe, wherever you go, I go. Man, that's like one of the best things ever.

Well, Claude, you became a

Christian at a very young age, teenage years. I became a

Christian at 14. And at 24, I could think of a number of things that I would love to have been able to impart to 14 -year -old new

Christian Tyler. And so the question is, in light of biblical husbandry, what would you want to be able to teach your 20 -year -old self about that?

I would say, get in the DeLorean, hit 88 miles per hour, go to October the 12th, 2023, and watch the

Labor's podcast on biblical husbandry. And there you will hear sound doctrine, sound biblical advice on what a godly husband, what a godly man does, and how he lives and how he loves his wife.

And so that's, I mean, we can speak in futuristic terms, but basically that's it.

I mean, I would heed the advice of men who have gone through life with a wife and have experienced the ups and downs that come with marriage that are a reality, the highs and the lows, because they're there.

And you have the mediums, and then you go back to what Jonathan said there a minute ago. It's not about our feelings.

We can't live on feelings. They're there, but they're not the foundation.

They're not the basis. It's based on the biblical command given to us as godly men by God himself to love our wives and to love ourselves as his son loved himself and gave himself for the church.

That would be my advice. I would definitely say, pray that God would send people, send other men, and search, search, search.

There's two circumstances that I can think of that happen. Sometimes children have parents that fail.

Well, we all fail as parents, but some worse than others where sometimes a dad is not present.

So you have those circumstances. And most of us as boys and men feel like we've got it figured out and we don't need advice.

So my response and answer kind of reflects those two dilemmas.

I did not have it figured out. As much as I thought I did, I did not know as much as I thought

I did. Pray that the Lord would send men to me and search and search and search and search until I find them.

Well, I apparently skipped a question on the sheet. The closet is ready for the next one and then

I unintentionally skipped it. Is it okay for the wife to work outside the home or should the husband be the singular provider?

Again, I say it's very important as I mentioned earlier that we go to the scripture front.

As we say in the country, frontards and backards, right? Both ways.

The idea that a woman should, I said this earlier, the idea that a woman should be in the kitchen barefoot, pregnant, cooking and cleaning, that's ignorance.

And my proof text would be Proverbs 31.

For Proverbs 31 10, if you actually go to the first verse, this is the words of King Lemuel, an oracle that his mother taught him, right?

So this is the king sharing the advice of his mother.

And by the way, we have this preserved in the scriptures, so it's worthy for us to take note of.

And what he says, he begins in verse 10, or what his mother told him, an excellent wife who can find.

So we see context that this is a wife. She's far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her. That goes to what Jonathan was saying there earlier, and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. And then it goes into some activity.

She seeks wool and flax, works with willing hands. She's like the ships of the merchant.

She brings her food from afar. She rises while it's night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it with the fruit of her hand. She plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household.

For all our household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself. Her clothing is fine, linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them.

She delivers sashes to the merchants. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her.

Many women have done excellently, but you surpassed them all. Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the

Lord is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.

So to go back and to make a statement about the foolishness of a woman's place,

Scripture doesn't say a woman's place is only in the home, but it does say her priority should be the home.

So we see that. We see that a woman's priority is the home. But yes, a woman can certainly, a matter of fact, again, we have it in the

Scriptures. A woman can be industrious. A woman can work outside the home.

But the challenge is for the godly woman to always understand and maintain that the

Scriptures place her priority being on the home, which is what we talked about at the beginning of the podcast, the wife being the priority of the husband.

I think you do have to balance that with, you've got, I think it's 2 Timothy, where it says if a man does not provide for his own household, he has abandoned the faith and he is worse than an unbeliever.

And so I think there's some balance between those two, I guess, extremes. You've got the sheer laziness of a father on one end where he doesn't provide and forces his wife into a role she was not designed to take on.

But then you've got the other end of the spectrum where we just disregard Proverbs 31.

Yep. And so I definitely think there's a balanced conversation that we can have there.

It goes back to what I was saying earlier about the rhetoric of taking dominion over your wife.

Right. Yes.

Okay, last question. What is some pastoral advice on leading your wife spiritually,

Robert? I think we,

I think we've touched on that in answering a lot of these other questions. You, you got to, you got to have the

Holy Spirit. Amen. You've got to study scripture. You got to study your wife and then lead by example and lead verbally according to all those different avenues.

According to the power of the Holy Spirit, according to the word, and according to who your wife is and where she is, according to who you are.

And it's different for every household. You know, there's not a cookie cutter. But we've got that destination of greener pastures, of safer pastures.

And we, and that destination to get there is different for everybody.

And sometimes it's difficult, sometimes it's hard. It takes patience, but it is, it's a worthy effort.

So let me add a sub portion to the question. We are drawing near to the, we're slowly but surely drawing near to the

Laborers Conference 2024. We'll be talking about the work of the Holy Spirit in the regular life of the believer.

And my subject is the way the Holy Spirit reveals to us the scriptures. And we would all agree with that, that it is

God who reveals the truth of scripture to us. So in light of the pastor as leader in the home, you know,

Jonathan said he's the priest at the home. How does it play out in the scenario that maybe

God has revealed more of himself to the wife than the husband, as we've talked about fleshing out humility and that gentleness?

What does that look like? I'll take a stab at that one, if that's okay.

You know, Paul writes that a believing wife sanctifies an unbelieving husband.

And that working through that, the hope, okay, it's not the definitive, but the hope is that that believing wife and sanctifying the unbelieving husband, that there's light that dispels darkness.

And the husband will eventually become a believer in that process. It's not always a guarantee, but that is the prayer and the pleading of that wife, that her husband will become a believer.

Typically, that's a situation where they probably were both unbelievers to begin with. And the wife becomes a believer first, and then the husband later becomes.

So, with that being the case, a God -fearing wife will know how to be the encourager to her husband for him to catch up.

She will be patient. She will be kind. She'll be gentle. She will nurture him as a wife would without belittling his manhood.

She will know how to do that. That's a womanly instinct to know how to do that.

So, a Godly wife will do that. And I would also say, for the most part, women are much more studious than men.

They read more. They're more disciplined in spiritual disciplines and those kind of things.

And so, I would say it goes more than just a wife that became a believer first.

I would say in the church, there's a lot of women that are much better read, better studied, and those kind of things than their husbands are.

And so, as a result, it takes some creativity to still be humble in the midst of that.

But a Godly wife will, and she will still honor her husband. She'll not use the

Bible or her knowledge as a weapon against her husband, but she will still go back, even as Scripture says there, she will use what the

Lord has given her to be a sanctifier for her husband. And so, I think that's how you'll see it play out.

But I think that question, Tyler, is probably more of a reality than people be willing to admit, because men want to be men and don't want to admit that, you know, my wife's read 10 books and the entire

Bible this past year, and here I am as the pastor struggling to just keep up with my daily

Bible reading. You know what I mean? So, she's much more diligent.

It's kind of like the notion that men don't like women that know more about cars than they do. Yeah. Sometimes, isn't it?

But it's an encouragement, I guess, and I'm speaking from experience on that, guys. It's an encouragement for me to see my wife, you know, sit at the kitchen table and doing her devotion, doing her studies, dedicating herself to the

Word, dedicating herself to the journaling. I mean, it's a sanctifier for me, and I'm not jealous of her.

I'm not mad at her. But she's a very faithful lady in those things, and many times more faithful than I am in the discipline of those things.

And so, I don't mind admitting that. And so, I just told her, I said, I'm just fortunate that I had seminary and you didn't.

So, it gives me a head start. If I didn't have seminary,

I'd be in bad trouble, man. No, but really, I mean, like I said,

I don't mind giving honor where honor's due, man. I mean, like I said, a lot of times we see that from our women.

So, it's a good question though, Tyler. Thank you. Well, it has been great to sit in on this conversation and consider this topic that's become very difficult in this age.

What is a husband and what isn't a husband according to the scriptures? And we've, I think, really hit on it as being an outworking of the gospel.

That if we separate the marriage from the gospel, we kind of end up with neither. And so,

Pastor Jonathan, I would love if you would give us the gospel. Rob, would you please pray us out afterwards?

Absolutely. Well, in the context of where we're at, and it can probably be said again next week with our wives, in my opinion, one of the best images of the gospel that we have in the world is a husband and a wife.

Because in the midst of that, a husband and a wife, we know each other's weaknesses and we know each other's failures.

And so, as we know each other's failures, each other's weaknesses, we know all the worst parts of us.

It's just like God knew the absolute worst parts of us, that we've all sinned against Him grossly.

And even while we were yet sinners, God commended His love for us. And even in my worst days, my wife loves me.

And even in her worst days, I love her. So I get to be Christ to her. She gets to be an image of Christ to me. It's grace.

So even while we were yet sinners, God loves us. And even in our marriages, when we're failures, we love one another.

But here's the difference. I did not have to die for my wife. The difference is

I want to be an image of Christ to her and I want to lay down my life. But at the end of the day, that's what makes the truth of the good news of the gospel so beautiful is

Christ still excels the image bearers of Him where He finished it.

And so that Romans passage that I was quoting to us there, that even while we were yet sinners, God loved us.

And then Christ died for us. And so I'm just thankful for a wife that loves me, even in my failures, but even greater.

I'm so thankful for the good news that God so loved us, even in our sin, that He gave

His Son to die for us, to pay for our sin. And that whoever then believes that will trust on Him.

Good news has everlasting life. And so I'm just thankful for that. I'm very thankful for the simplicity of the gospel and the truth that God loved us.

Christ died for us to pay for the penalty of our sin. And we can believe that. And so we would plead with you to believe that.

And the promise of God is everlasting life. So I hope you'll receive that tonight. Let's pray together.

Our Father, we want to honor You as creator and we want to honor

Your Son as King. We talked about tonight what it means to be a biblical husband, but Father, You as creator created even husband and wife.

So, Father, in reality, a husband is no different than a biblical husband because You created it.

And husbands in that position should submit to Jesus as King because You created marriage.

You created being a husband, being a wife. And this world, the sin that we brought into this world has so demolished what

You created and scarred it and stained it. But praise, praise

You, Father, for the gospel that we just heard that Your Son came to redeem and make new and bring us back to what

You created it to be. So, Father, help us to be husband, husband according to Your plan,

Your original plan, Your plan in Christ. Father, would

You keep in us as husbands a clear eye on who we are apart from Christ, that we may not be tempted to act domineering or lording or prideful or selfish towards our wives.

And Father, would You work in us eyes that are set on things above, that are looking to Christ from the time we wake up to the time we go to bed till our final breath.

Work in us, Father, eyes that are set on Christ, that we may honor

You by loving, respecting, and honoring our wives. Help us to be that picture of You and Your church, the picture of the gospel to a lost and dying world.

Lord, we need You and the world needs You. And we thank

You for allowing us to be workers in Your field, servants in Your kingdom.

And we pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Thank you guys so much.

I really appreciate it. I praise the Lord for you guys. We hope that you will join us next week for What is a

Biblical Wife? And our wives will be joining us next week with the scoop on the real us.

But we hope to see you next time. Speak with the authority of Christ and go share the gospel of Christ.