Highlight: Healing After a Cult

Apologia Studios

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Wow, so do you think like at this point of your life there was almost a point, you know, your mother Passes away.

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Both of your parents are gone. You go to Colorado. You're in this total isolation Is there a point to where it's almost like you didn't even know who you were anymore.

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All of these pieces are broken They're on the floor You're anxious, you know, you're you're worrisome depressed in a sense and even like you said sometimes suicidal

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Was it like God he met you where you were at in like the the peace or the love that you felt was almost the

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Full assurance that there's something out there There's God who knows you better than you know yourself

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And it's like almost like the journey of healing can start not through catharsis through recognizing your own pain but um

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Almost like God is bringing you somewhere, right? Cuz we know true catharsis is found in the pain and suffering of Jesus Christ on the cross

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So is it like almost like the start of finding and healing your true identity in Christ was like beginning almost in that moment

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Yes, yes, it was an incredible Blessed contradiction to all

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I had been taught because So much of what I was doing Could have been condemned

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It was wrong and I've looked back and I have repented for those things. I'm like Lord, you know the circumstances

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You know what I was going through, you know, how lost and broken I was But still we're told not to send in our anger and I didn't want to send in my grief

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And so, please forgive me for that and I know he forgave me for that Sometimes the hardest part is receiving his forgiveness

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Yeah, because it's so kind and it just really gosh, we're not used to that kind of forgiveness So it's hard to actually receive it.

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But I I was so thrown by You're not condemning me right now.

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I don't feel Unkindly judged by you right now. I feel held

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Despite these actions that I'm taking and that made me want to cease doing them

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Yeah, because also I didn't need those forms of coping anymore because I was so well loved

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But I was also isolated and that's not easy. I don't recommend isolation again

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This is just what it looked like for me and how God met me in it because of the setup I definitely don't recommend isolation.

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I think it is dangerous and it's it's harder So the the second part that's really really cool is that the brain is so malleable it can change again

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So this isn't this isn't permanent like it literally and I've experienced it myself like I can talk about My story now.

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I don't dissociate. I don't feel sick I don't like I'm genuinely fine and that's because it's no longer this highly emotionally charged traumatic story

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It's just a crappy story You know, it's just not a good story And honestly the parts where I do have an emotional response would be even when you teared up about what

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God's done I mean, it's so impactful. It's amazing. So that's where I actually, you know, feel it Yeah, and it's it's gratitude and it's joy

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And so our brains they we can change them again, and that's part of the work of working

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You know with someone through trauma So the way God designed us like yeah, you can go through all this and wind up in this place

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But yeah, you really are made new and and you can know that and maybe not everything matches it right now but we can move in that direction and I speak to people so much about hope because It was keeping my eyes on the hope fulfilled in Christ that enabled me to go through a healing process

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Otherwise if I was focusing on everything that needed to be healed, I that would've been incredibly discouraging

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I don't know how anyone's gonna really make it through that Yeah, and so I tell talk to people about like we have to remember there's hope and our eyes are set there while we're here

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Kind of going through this stuff. We cannot forget about the hope that we have Yeah, so there's almost there's aspects to where you know, you always see that science is always evolving and progressing

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But you always see, you know, it only expands and what the Bible is already revealed. So, you know neurology for example

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It's still in its infancy about what we're finding out about the complexities of the human brain just in regards to you know

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Performance and and trauma and all the different ways the brain shapes and how different things affect the brain

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But the fact that the brain can reshape and the fact that it's malleable It's almost confirming the fact where it says don't be trick do not be conformed to this world

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But be transformed by the renewing of your mind and and so you can apply that towards the world the cults

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Where it's like don't be conformed to these deceptive recruiting techniques or or being you know, manipulated by fear

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Because you're told that the world is going to end and it's going to be Armageddon you know right around the corner, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that now you have the authentic and you can

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Allow like to have the piece of Christ, you know ruling your heart and you can see that transpire

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And so that's why you know We're we're passionate cultists because we want we want to be able to help ex -cultists because a lot of them

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You know, they're going through sometimes not even realizing what they're going through I think from a mental

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Social psychological mental health standpoint. It's almost the equivalent of the opening scene of save a private

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Ryan it's kind of graphic but where You see that one guy kind of walking around aimlessly and then he kind of picks up his arm and like walks off with it

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I mean that scene is disturbing But it's almost like so people who have been in an abusive situation

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Like they're in that they're just an oblivious haze many a times and they need and they need help and understanding for sure

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What let me ask you this so like with everything that you do What are some examples of and we talked about this just people different cults that you've dealt with and what?

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Was like the main thing that you had you kind of like you have hooked different points But what will be like a main focal point that you had to help specific people through like what would be some examples?

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The the groups are gosh, it's a quite a variety. So I mean, yes some of the main names that we hear like FLDS William Brenham quite a few of those because of my connection with John So but many of these situations they don't have names like they go by we're

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Christian So you might have the name of the church, you know, whatever they named that church building that they meet in but they're not

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They're not one of these like main religions that you would think of so There's a lot of that going on and sometimes it looks like an actual church building where people are meeting there but there's a lot of cultish things happening sometimes it looks like a

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Mentorship figure who's mentoring all these young adults and suddenly he's the only voice They're allowed to hear and it just sort of escalates from there till he kind of takes over So I see a lot of those happening.

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So I've been much less focused on These kind of big categories and this is actually a huge category in and of itself and and between that and Religious trauma kind of I see it as a bit of a spectrum so we can have something that just it's unhealthy

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And then we can have all the way to like this is cult abuse and so kind of anywhere in between I mean there are people that we work with plenty of them who have come out of just a mainstream denominational experience where that church has just done some things they should not have and that needs to be addressed and they

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Need to step back and heal before they feel like they can step forward and find a healthy environment again Yeah, how do you like?

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How do we help people actually transition into the church good because you'd want to help them, but they shouldn't stay there

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You know what? I mean? Like how do we how do we work that out from your vantage point? So yes, it does take time

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I mean it takes time for someone to to heal to the point where they feel like they can do that some people jump Right in but then it you know, depending on the person they end up stepping back out so it can look different.

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I Love the church. I get asked this sometimes especially from pastors who are like wait Are you are you against the church with the work that you do and absolutely not?

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I I know the mess that the church is and I still love the church and I'm a part of it So I kind of have to or I guess

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I just I hate myself along with everybody else but because I fit right in you know, I'm a mess too, so I Understand though the complexity that goes along with someone stepping into a healthy church environment

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They have to believe that that exists and they also have to know how to judge if it is one Because they really may not know they really may not know what they're looking for Yeah, they could totally wind up in like some progressive environment or something like that or like a you

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PCI see you PCI church I've known people who have done that or I mean people just they don't understand what they're supposed to be looking at and what they're

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Not so I think giving people those tools is really important But the emotional response so you guys to give you an example, my husband was doing some news ministry at a church quite a few years back and Because he was on staff there were some you know

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Expectations on me as his wife to be involved and be at certain things and stuff like that, which is common Yeah, and I had such a strong Like PTSD response and I'm using that word appropriately some people don't but I mean it

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It was this true PTSD response that I genuinely felt like I was gonna have a psychotic break and I ended up getting help

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You know, I sought mental care for that was like, okay. I need some help like this is not I am not doing well and they actually told me after I came through it fine and with great tools and incredible healing and And now

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I'm not in that place anymore. Thank God, but they actually told me in retrospect They're like when you dissociate for days like that Like you can actually split into multiple personalities like that's a legit thing that can happen.

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And so it's really good that Excuse me. You knew enough to kind of step back and say I'm pushing this too far

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So I wouldn't want to push someone where they end up in that kind of scenario like people need the permission to kind of step out for a minute if they have to and Then get the support they need step back in But To just totally stay out of it

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Not only are we told to be in community But you guys that we need community and that was one of my trigger words this whole like let's do life together

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I'm like, what does that mean? Oh, yeah Let's go get a commie I was like,

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I don't want to sign up for that So it's just building that trust and again learning and even trust that we're gonna know if it's good or bad and finding

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What is a wise counsel? I thought these people were wise and they weren't right and if I can make one last comment

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I mean again from my my own story. That's an invitation for everybody I mean that Jesus offers this to everyone and it's it's not it's not what you've been told it is

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And so I just I hope that people feel encouraged that wherever they are right now when they're listening to this episode

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Whatever suffering they're going through just like I knew when I was in the deepest darkest times of it that that didn't have to be

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Permanent. I knew that God was giving me an invitation to take his hand and it would then be temporary That's that's open to everybody

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So I just I pray that that encourages people that if you're in that depth of the darkness right now