Parenting By Witherspoon

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Welcome to No Compromise Radio, a ministry coming to you from Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

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No Compromise Radio is a program dedicated to the ongoing proclamation of Jesus Christ. Based on the theme in Galatians 2, verse 5, where the apostle

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Paul said, "'But we did not yield in subjection to them "'for even an hour, so that the truth of the gospel "'would remain with you.'"

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In short, if you like smooth, watered -down words to make you simply feel good, this show isn't for you.

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By purpose, we are first biblical, but we can also be controversial. Stay tuned for the next 25 minutes as we're called by the divine trumpet to summon the troops for the honor and glory of her king.

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Here's our host, Pastor Mike Abendroth. Welcome to No Compromise Radio ministry. By the time you hear this,

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I will have returned from the Shepherd's Conference. Oh, it was refreshing, it was biblical, it was provocative.

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But anyway, right now it's March 1st, and we're supposed to get a bunch of snow again. I hope I can even make it out for the

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Shepherd's Conference. If you ever wanna write me, you can, info at nocompromiseradio .com.

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.com mug. So if you don't go to donotbesurprise .com,

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I don't know. I think you might be a plagiarist. Today, advice for raising godly children.

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There has been a post, the Gospel Coalition by Kevin DeYoung. Kevin DeYoung is a senior pastor at Universal Reformed Church in East Lansing, Michigan.

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And I really like Kevin DeYoung. I like his writing. I like the way he comes across.

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I even like him, even though he doesn't wanna be on No Compromise Radio.

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Even though I try to get him on here to promote some of his books or something, I still like him. So see, that's pretty good.

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When you turn down people, but you're still liked. He writes something about raising godly children.

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And what he used was John Witherspoon, the Scottish Presbyterian pastor, president of Princeton, 1768 to 1794.

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He used his sayings. So, letters on education of children and on marriage.

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These quotes are from that. See, I wouldn't even have to give Kevin DeYoung any props. He listed it, so I'll give him that much credit.

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You know, like a hat tip, HT. And this man, John Witherspoon, was the signer of the

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Declaration of Independence. And he has some tips on child raising. So thank you,

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Kevin, for showing us that. Thank you for being back on No Compromise Radio someday.

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I think I maybe even asked Kevin to endorse one of my books. I don't think

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I got a response. One day, one day No Compromise Radio is gonna be big enough.

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Kevin would wish that he could sponsor something here. One, raising godly children.

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According to John Witherspoon, adapted by Mike Ebenroth later, the best exercise in the world for children is to let them romp and jump about as soon as they're able, according to their own fancy.

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I love that advice. Let them romp and jump about. You want me to be controversial, provocative?

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Okay, I will. I watch Caesar sometimes, The Dog Whisperer. And he knows how to rehabilitate dogs and train people.

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It's a really bad accent, but he's got, he just says it in a funny way.

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I rehabilitate dogs. That's just like my Czech Republic version.

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And it's interesting because he'll talk about discipline. He'll talk about exercise.

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And he's got another one, something else that he uses. And the dog, and see, here's the thing.

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I have a Jack Russell, a Parson Jack, because I'm a Parson after all. Long -legged, I think they look cooler than the other kinds, but you know,

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I'll still take another Jack Russell. They'd be cool, just a regular Jack. And they're high -strung. And so lots of people get rid of their

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Jack Russells because they're high -strung and high -strung dogs do bad things to carpets and legs of chairs.

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People. But I have my dog trained and she works out.

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So whenever I go to the garage and work out, she works out. I have some weights down there. We have a treadmill. She should have a bike.

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I have my bicycle up on a trainer. And so she'll work out too. And I'll put things up high in the garage.

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She has to try to jump for them. And she'll just jump literally a hundred, 500 times before she gets it. When it's not wintertime,

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I'll put things up in the tree and she'll have to jump up the tree and throw herself off the tree and try to get this, whatever

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I have up there, some little stuffed toy, or she loves a Frisbee. And when she is romped around like this

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Witherspoon thing where he says romping and jumping about, she's calm. And you know, it's the same thing for kids.

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I'm not Peter Singer. A dog isn't a boy. A cat isn't a girl.

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But when they are exercised, they're just happier and let them romp about, let them play and jump and all that kind of stuff to their own fancy.

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How much, let kids be kids when they're kids. That's my new slogan. Number two, a parent that has once obtained and knows how to preserve authority will do more by a look of displeasure than another by the most passionate words and even blows.

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It holds universally in families and schools and even the greater bodies of men, the army and Navy, that those who keep the strictest discipline give the fewest strokes.

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So in a day and age when you could talk about spanking out loud, still not a crime to spank.

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It's a crime to, I'm trying to think of the statutes here in Massachusetts. There is abuse, something leaving marks.

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I have the statute here someplace. But anyway, in those days, in the 1700s, basically he was trying to say, if you discipline early on and you discipline properly with corporal punishment as well, then you don't have to do it as much anymore.

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And just a look of displeasure is all a kid will need. And so I think parents with young children talk too much to the kids, too much rationalization.

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I go back to the school of Genesis where God said to Adam, what did you do?

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He didn't say why. As kids get older, let them walk through why they did something, not rationalization for sin, but why they did what they did so you can prevent it in the future.

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How they got there. There's a thought process or lack thereof. Number three,

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John Witherspoon, raising godly children. There is not a more disgusting sight than the impotent rage of a parent who has no authority.

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I'm not kidding you. I was at an airport, Orlando airport, trying to get my bags and a kid was throwing such a fit.

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I wanted to go grab the kid. I didn't feel sorry for the mom except initially.

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First I thought maybe the kid had some problem or something, but the problem was he wasn't disciplined and he was ashamed of his mother.

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And he was running around freaking out, throwing fits, climbed up on the conveyor belt of the luggage rack, the luggage deal, not a rack, but the conveyor belt, climbing up on that trying to get away from her and she couldn't catch him.

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You know, for a long time, I liked it that I could run faster than my kids. I could always catch them. I cannot catch my kids now.

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I don't think I can catch a one. No, maybe one. It's a shame to just let the kids just be undisciplined like that.

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Just a shame. A disgusting sight. Could there be a more disgusting sight? And the parents earn it.

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It's not too late though to start. Number four, I have heard some parents often say that they cannot correct their children unless they are angry.

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To whom I have usually answered, then you want not to correct them at all. And so how do you correct your kids?

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In anger? I sadly get angry and it's not always righteous anger.

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You know, not much of our anger really is righteous anger. Is it? Probably not too much. There is some. I get that.

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I understand that. Be angry and do not sin, Ephesians chapter four. All of Jesus' anger was righteous anger.

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I understand that. But if you're angry, you're probably gonna yell or raise your voice more than you should.

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Or if you're angry, you're going to discipline incorrectly, even if it's gonna spank the child.

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Why don't you just say to the child, when they're older, when they're young, it has to be more cause and effect and you have to address them with whatever form of correction you desire or you think is wise at the time, but it needs to be immediate.

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But as they get older, I just said the same thing always. I'd say the same thing now if I needed to talk to one of my kids.

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I want you to go into daddy's room. Go sit on daddy's bed. So then what

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I do is just continue doing what I'm doing for two reasons. One, I don't wanna say something or do something when

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I'm angry. I wanna calm down. Don't you wanna be calm? What's your purpose? To get back at the kid?

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Don't you mess with me kind of attitude? No, your purpose is to try to help the kid and you'll be more helpful when you're not angry.

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I mean, not many parents are like Kareem Abdul -Jabbar who played better when he was mad. Some people you get mad at and they weren't better players

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Kareem was. So then there's another reason why you should just have them wait because it's excruciating for the kid to go through the waiting period.

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They're thinking the worst things are gonna happen even though often they don't. So just wait, wait until you're not angry.

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Finish vacuuming, finish mowing, finish. What was I doing today? Nobody made me angry this morning but I was making some asparagus.

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A little water, a little butter, lots of salt and pepper. Finish the job, then go.

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President of Princeton, John Witherspoon. Advice for raising godly children.

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Number five, nothing can be more weak and foolish or more destructive of authority than when children are noisy and in an ill humor to give them or promise them something to appease them.

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This could have been written today. I'm gonna bribe you. The fascinating place to me to watch this whole bribery thing and to notice how people parent sadly poorly most often is high impulse items.

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At grocery stores. So you go shopping with a kid and there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying to a kid, now, if you're good today and you obey mommy, we're gonna get you some gum or some treat at the end.

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Some Reese's peanut butter cups, I get one. I think you should reward good behavior whether it's a thank you, good job or whether there's a treat.

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I don't think you should do it every time because then, I don't know, you should just mix it up a little bit. But rewarding good behavior, you read the

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Bible through the first time in our house, in the Ebenroth house, you get a hundred bucks. So I'm not against rewarding good behavior because that's just life.

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Consequences have behaviors, vice versa. Behaviors have consequences, cause effect.

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It's a good lesson to teach a kid, cause and effect. But not every time you're gonna get it.

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And if you demand it and if you fuss about it, then I'm just built this way. You're gonna get the opposite.

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It is so built in opposite. You demand something, I guarantee you're not gonna get it.

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And so you get up there to the end, I want this, I want that. Kids, you know, stomping and everything.

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When I read Witherspoon, promise them or appease when they're noisy and in an ill humor.

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In other words, how do you pacify a kid when they're kind of in the rage mode or mad or just acting in an ugly fashion?

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Well, I'm gonna promise to give you something. Well, I promise to give you something when it's appropriate. And when we're behind the scenes,

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I will give you some words and maybe more. So you don't try to give them something good.

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Oh, if you just stop crying, you know, I'll give you some kind of sweater. I'll give you some almond Roka. I don't know what else is sold there.

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That's a bad idea. Number six, let it always be seen that you are more displeased at sin than at folly.

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So what I was taught at Grace Community Church was, you don't discipline a child for childishness or immaturity because they're childish and they're immature.

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You discipline a child for being foolish or disobedient, disrespectful, those kinds of things.

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And so as I talk about parenting, it's not here in John Witherspoon, but I will talk about it now as the template over it.

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Just think about the gospel. Think about how Christ Jesus and his life, death, and burial, resurrection, and his gracious, self -sacrificial, willing obedience plays into parenting.

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What about the indicatives of the gospel and the imperatives of children obey their parents and parents train up your child in the nurture and admonition of the

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Lord? Why is Ephesians 5, following Ephesians chapters one, two, three, and four?

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Where is it set in? And if you think about the gospel long enough, I think you're gonna be a more gracious parent, a more generous parent.

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If love wants the best for the others, then you're gonna say, how can I do that very thing? This is what God has done for me and I want to parent like God parents.

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And so when you think about being displeased at sin versus folly, you spill milk because you just made a mistake.

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Spilled milk isn't the issue. If you spill milk because you're standing on the table doing some kind of sidewinder dance, well, then that is foolish.

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Number seven, No Compromise Radio, Raising Godly Children, John Witherspoon via the hat tip of Kevin DeYoung.

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Why don't you write Kevin DeYoung and say, you ought to be on No Compromise Radio. Probably expand your ministry. Seven, nothing is more destructive of authority than frequent disputes and chiding upon small matters.

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This is often more irksome to children than parents are aware of. Everything has to be red alert.

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Everything has to be level 10 out of 10. Now, we as parents, both

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Kim and I, if the kid does something small, we make a big deal out of it in this regard.

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So if you get in a fender bender, we make it a big deal because we're trying to make a point.

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This is a big deal. It's important. It could lead to other things. And so maybe

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I'm doing the exact opposite of what Witherspoon said. But those are just punctuated times where if you get trouble at school, how do we respond?

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And we kind of make it a big deal, even though in the scheme of life, we know it's not gonna matter. And sometimes maybe we'd even laugh about it behind the scenes.

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But with a cooperation together, we have a similar strategy.

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But just, you know, okay, the kid spills the milk and you just go ballistic, something small like that.

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So we wanna just, back to my point of the gospel, we wanna be gracious to the kids, don't we?

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How would God treat those things? Number seven. Number eight, I am fully persuaded that the plainest and shortest road to real politeness of carriage, you can tell this is old, and the most amiable sort of hospitality is to think of others just as Christ ought and to express these thoughts with modesty and candor.

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Isn't that fascinating? See, as I was going through the list, I hadn't read the list for a while. So I was going through the list, there was something in me that wanted to put redemption in, to put the gospel in, to make it not just morality, to not make it just Mormonism, to not make it just being good and do good, be nice.

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It's nice to be nice, it's good to be good. And here, aren't you thankful,

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Witherspoon surprises us and he talks about the gospel just as a

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Christian ought. Not really true gospel thinking, but when

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I say just as a Christian ought, I think that's good, I think that's good. How should a

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Christian do things? Here we have basically the second great commandment, love your neighbor as yourself.

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And so once I think of law, then I have to think of the gospel because I realize what I don't do and how often

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I don't do these things. And then that's making me think about the cross and making me think about who God is and who

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I am in Christ Jesus and union with Christ and the list goes on. Aren't you glad for that? And number nine, two more to go.

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Many parents are much more ready to tell their children such and such a thing is mean and not like a gentleman than to warn them that they will incur the displeasure of their maker.

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And so you're not acting like a gentleman versus Witherspoon is saying that displeases your maker.

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And so I think this is something we could redeem as well. God created you to worship him and to obey him.

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And this is what he says in his word on how to talk to other people, how to relate to authority, how to relate to peers, how to do things in life.

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And this is what he expects. And by the way, this creator is also a judge and he is going to require justice and he is holy and he has holy ways and he has holy laws.

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And he's so holy, if you break one of his laws, there's an infinite amount of justice that you're going to receive, wrath.

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Therefore, when I think of God as creator, I think of him as judge, but thankfully, wonderfully, joylessly,

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I'm so tired, joyfully. He's a savior, creator, judge, savior,

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God, our savior. You read the pastoral epistles. Why does it keep saying God, our savior, God, our savior, God, our savior?

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Because Paul is writing to Timothy and to Titus and they need to be reminded in gospel ministry that God is a saving

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God. He saves, he sanctifies, he glorifies. God is a great working

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God, God creates, judges and saves. And so take heart, pastor, that God's a saving

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God. Take heart, parent, that God is a saving God. Number 10, these wouldn't be my top 10, but I just found it interesting.

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It is a very nice thing, according to Witherspoon, letters on education of children and on marriage.

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It's a very nice thing in religion to know the real connection between and the proper mixture of spirit, which are the matters of the heart, and form, disciplines like family worship and church attendance.

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The form without the spirit, the matter without the, you know, like family worship without a good heart is for nothing.

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But on the other hand, the spirit without the form never existed. So this makes me think of, all right, at Bethlehem Bible Church, I try to teach healthy doctrine and I don't try to dumb things down.

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Well, we could have a problem here with just intellectualism and have no zealous, joyful from the heart, soul, mind worship.

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But I could never get to true worship without the intellectual stuff.

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And so I have to do that. I have to have the right here, spirit and form, to use

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Witherspoon's terms. I have no other options because if I just say, well, we're not gonna talk a bunch of, about a bunch of big words and we're not gonna talk about sound doctrine.

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We're not gonna talk about the Bible because you just need to be zealous worshipers. And I don't wanna puff your heads up and you're just gonna turn into intellectual, cold hearted people.

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It's not gonna work. So I have to take the risk. I'm a risk taker. I have to take the risk and say,

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I'm gonna have to teach you intellectually these things. And by the spirit's work in your heart through these things,

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I want you to be hot for God. Lukewarmness won't do, cold won't do, but hot and zealous for who

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God is and what he's done. That's what he's after. Advice for raising godly children.

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John Witherspoon, Scottish Presbyterian pastor, president of Princeton, 1768 to 1794.

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In his book, Letters on the Education of Children and on Marriage. So I hope you found that interesting.

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I found it kind of interesting. I think, truth be told, I've done better shows. We're going to Israel in 2015.

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February 17th for nine days, then an extension to Petra, Jordan, Moab. It's around $3 ,300.

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If you wanna write me, info at nocompromiseradio .com, you can. I think I get 26 slots.

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They're filling up quickly. Omaha Bible Church gets the other 26. Unless they can't fill their 26, I could get more.

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$300 deposit based on postmark. First in, get to go.

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So if you wanna write us or send me an email, it's info at nocompromiseradio .com.

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You could write No Compromise Radio a real letter and send that to 307 Lancaster Street, West Boylston, Massachusetts, 01583.

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If you don't know where to find that address, it's Bethlehem Bible Church, 307 Lancaster Street, Lancaster, West Boylston, Mass.,

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01583. West Boylston is just north of Worcester, Worcester, West Stop, and we are known for our water.

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And so as Northern California has to ship water down the aqueduct, the pipeline to Southern California, we have water here in the reservoir and we ship it to Boston.

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So you can't swim in that water. You can't ice skate on that water. You can fish once in a while from the side, no motorboats, no canoes, nothing like that.

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And so that's what we're known for here in West Boylston. Info at nocompromiseradio .com, February 2015,

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February 17th for the Israel trip. Thanks for listening and gospel your children in parenting.

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Parent your children with the gospel. Mike Abendroth, No Compromise Radio. No Compromise Radio with Pastor Mike Abendroth is a production of Bethlehem Bible Church in West Boylston.

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Bethlehem Bible Church is a Bible teaching church firmly committed to unleashing the life transforming power of God's word through verse by verse exposition of the sacred text.

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Please come and join us. Our service times are Sunday morning at 1015 and in the evening at six. We're right on route 110 in West Boylston.

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You can check us out online at bbchurch .org or by phone at 508 -835 -3400.

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The thoughts and opinions expressed on No Compromise Radio do not necessarily reflect those of WVNE, its staff or management.