TLP 359: No Better Parent for the Job | Becky Keife Interview

Truth.Love.Parent.

Subscribe

Download

Share

00

00:00

It's so easy to reach for that thing that seems like the temporary quick fix. If I just reheat one more afternoon cup of coffee, if I can just get my kids to all nap at the same time and then

00:10

I can fall asleep on the couch, then I would feel okay in my muddified skin. Welcome to Truth.

00:17

Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents.

00:24

Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. I hope you're ready for today's show. We are taking a one -day break from our

00:29

Spiritual Warfare series because I want to make you aware of a new author and her fantastic resource so you have enough time to get a copy for yourself or for a mother in your life before Mother's Day.

00:40

My special guest today is Becky Keefe. She's a wife, mother, speaker, and author of No Better Mom for the

00:46

Job, Parenting with Confidence Even When You Don't Feel Cut Out for It. Let's face it, it's so incredibly easy to feel like failures in our parenting, especially when we are struggling.

00:57

And we've been talking a lot about spiritual warfare on our podcast, so it's not surprising to note that Satan, the world, and the flesh are dead set on convincing us that we can't parent well.

01:08

And perhaps even this bonus time that we're all spending with our kids recently, all quarantined in one house, has only served to make us feel even more ill -prepared for the task of parenting.

01:18

So, Becky and I invite you to stop, take a breath, grab a steamy beverage of your choice, and allow the

01:24

Lord to lift your spirits as we discuss how there really is no better dad or mom for the job of rearing your kids than you.

01:32

And if this is your first interaction with Truth Love Parent, allow me to welcome you and point out that helping you be the best parents

01:38

God created you to be is the mission of TLP. We offer a twice -a -week podcast, which you can hear everywhere podcasts are played, including

01:46

Pandora and Spotify. We currently have a library of over 350 super practical and desperately biblical evergreen episodes.

01:53

So if you're new to the show, you really should check out our past episodes because we very well may have already dealt with a parenting struggle or question with which you are grappling today.

02:02

But we also offer parenting conferences. We do in -person conferences as well as virtual conferences.

02:08

We also offer more intimate TLP meetups. These two can be in person or virtual and are designed for smaller groups.

02:15

They're less formal and allow more time for questions and answers. I'll include a link in the description of this video if you're interested in learning more about our conferences, workshops, meetups, and speaking opportunities.

02:25

In fact, my special guest and I have this in common. We've both spoken for MOPPS, a ministry geared toward moms of preschoolers.

02:33

I'm looking forward to participating in a virtual MOPPS meeting next month with some wonderful ladies in Iron Mountain, Michigan.

02:39

And TLP and I do this all because we believe that every dad and mom can become an intentional premeditated disciple -making ambassador parent for the glory of God and the blessing of their children.

02:50

So to that end, please join me in welcoming Becky Keefe to the show. Hey, Becky, how are you?

02:56

I'm doing great. Thanks so much for having me. Now, we'd love to learn more about you before we dive into the discussion about you, your family, your current stage of life.

03:04

Who is this all -girl boy mom, Becky Keefe? Well, I live here in Southern California with my husband,

03:14

Chris. We've been married for almost 15 years and we have three spirited boys.

03:19

As I like to say, if anyone out there has spirited children, I clink my virtual coffee cup to you.

03:27

So we had three boys in three and a half years, which was an unexpected blessing for sure.

03:34

Rocked my world, shattered my sense of self in so many ways. So for lots and lots of years,

03:40

I was a mom of littles, but now my boys are school -aged. My oldest is 11 and then almost 10, almost eight.

03:48

And so I'm very much still a mom in the thick of it. And in the midst of mothering and marriage and friendships, like you said,

03:57

I'm an author and a speaker. I'm also the community manager for an online ministry called Encourage, which is part of the

04:04

Dayspring family. So my current stage of life is full and stretching and blessed.

04:11

Awesome. And if you ever have read Becky's work, then you can just, you feel like you already know her.

04:18

I've read one of Becky's books. Well, you have the one book, right? But then you also do other writing. Right, I have one book.

04:24

My writing's been featured in other books and more things come in. Okay, so I've read the one book, but as she's saying this,

04:31

I'm like, oh yeah, there was that one time that we were doing this thing and she showed me, no wait, that was just something she wrote in her book.

04:37

It's so personable and that is totally, you and I love the way you explain that. Now, again,

04:43

I'm really looking forward to diving into the concepts in your book. I think we all are because I think we all have come to the place if not recently and before where we feel like, you know,

04:52

I'm not doing this well. There's gotta be someone else who can parent my kid better than I can. But first I would love to know, just share with us what prompted you to write this book in the first place?

05:02

Because I mean, something like this, you're very open. You're very honest about your struggles. Where did this come from?

05:08

Yeah, really? I wrote the book that I desperately needed myself as a young mom who felt really, really alone and isolated in motherhood.

05:20

I felt ill -equipped to parent the kids that God had given me. And yet in so many ways,

05:25

I still need this message. I still need to be reminded over and over again to choose gratitude, to check my perspective, to cling to the truth of God's word in the midst of motherhood.

05:36

So I, and I'm glad that you say that you feel like you know me because really my heart and mind in the book was not to come as, you know, a full -blown like, you know, stiff parenting expert, but really as a fellow parent, a mom friend on the journey to come alongside and kind of be your cheerleader to tell you you're not alone in feeling crazy and insecure and inadequate and loving your kids fiercely and yet sometimes wanting to escape from them.

06:04

So I really wrote the book that I wanted to give to a friend, that I wanted to give to my former self and encourage other moms on the journey.

06:13

Well, I'm so glad you did. Maybe that wasn't your desire, your goal, but you definitely encouraged this dad, not just in my parenting realm, but also in other things, which we can't go into all right now, but it was very encouraging just to be reminded of the truth that we are who

06:29

God wants us to be and we are becoming who God wants us to be. And if there was someone else better to do the job, that person would be doing it.

06:36

Now, I want to tell you about how I became acquainted with your book. So your publisher sent me a copy last October and I remember immediately just loving the title, okay?

06:44

At the time, I was still working at Victory Academy for Boys and this is, Victory is a Christian boarding school for at -risk teens.

06:52

And as the residence manager, my unofficial title in the house was house dad. And since our side of the program, the house side of the program was set up like a house, and less like a dorm room set up.

07:04

And because that's where my family and I lived year round, I really was the dad of the house. And it's true,

07:10

I parented those guys in almost all the same ways I would have had they just been my own children. Well, every year when the guys and their families showed up, okay,

07:18

I had to dedicate time to addressing the elephant in the room. And for us, that elephant had to do with the fact that these parents often felt like they were admitting failure, defeat, by having to enroll their child in a program like ours.

07:31

They should have been able to help their child through this process without coming to this point. And of course, there

07:37

I was sitting there as the guy willing to invite not only their troubled teen, but also seven others into my house for the better part of a year, where presumably

07:46

I was going to make it all work better than they had with their one terrorist teenager, right? So I always took the time to tell them,

07:54

I am not a better parent than you are. In fact, I would assure them that if I really were a better parent than they, then

08:03

God would have given me their son. He wouldn't have given them that boy to them at all, whether it was through biological means or adoption or fostering.

08:11

But since God did give them their son and since God never makes mistakes, that means that when they parent to God's honor and glory, they really are the best parents that child could ever have.

08:22

And then my role at Victory was simply to facilitate a transition to kind of help the boy and the parents work through some important concepts so they could come back together as the family that God planned.

08:32

But I loved that the theme of your book was the theme of my welcome speech. You really are the best mom and dad your child could have, despite how you feel, despite how things have gone.

08:42

I personally, at that point, was just thankful to be part of their parenting community. You talk a lot in your book about the importance of community, and we're going to talk more about that today.

08:50

And though I don't think you had a boarding school in mind when you wrote that, you beautifully reminded us that we need help becoming the parents

08:58

God called and created us to be. That might just be a mom friend, and it may be a more professional help.

09:04

So after reading your book, I'm super excited about sharing that truth with everyone who will watch this interview today.

09:10

Because friends, listen, there is no better parent for your children than you. Of course, you can always be better.

09:17

Okay, God is very passionate about our sanctification. But when we parent in Christ, no one else could parent our children better than we.

09:24

And if you're having a hard time believing that right now, that's why Becky is here. So Becky, when you encounter a parent who's convinced that some other mom or dad could do way better than they, where do you start?

09:35

Well, first I start by telling them that you are not alone. You're not alone in feeling that way.

09:41

I remember that was one of the most surprising things about motherhood for me was this pervasive feeling of inadequacy, this feeling like there's something wrong with my child or there's something wrong with me.

09:53

And either way, we are not a match. But people ask me, Becky, why do you think parents struggle with inadequacy so much?

10:00

And I think the reason is because we care so much. We love our kids so much that we know that there's a lot at stake.

10:09

And second, this feeling of not being cut out for motherhood and fatherhood, I would say it's, we feel like it's an indication of our deficit.

10:17

Those parents that you talked about who come in that room and they feel like I'm failing me. There's even behavior issues or things that in all of our lives that we feel like this is an indication that I am not cut out for it.

10:29

But I would say that that feeling of inadequacy, it's not an indication of your deficit. It's actually an invitation from God.

10:37

It's like those feelings are like a ding ding notification. I'm God and I'm the one who made you a mother or father.

10:45

And I want to walk with you and equip you on this parenting journey. So I feel like right there, if we can let that truth sink in, it takes a whole lot of pressure off.

10:55

Definitely. I think too, what's part of it, especially for a young mom, is the fact that oftentimes you are actually physically alone.

11:05

I mean, you and your child are at home, but you're not interacting with other people. And when you do interact with other people, it's probably really easy to think that, you know, everyone's looking more put together when you finally get together, right?

11:17

Everyone's looking more put together. And so it's hard to imagine that everyone else, when they go back home, is in the exact same position you're in.

11:23

Right, for sure. And so part of that is, yeah, I'm not going to lie.

11:29

I parent differently with an audience at times, right? I might dig a little deeper for a little bit more patience, a little bit more gentle voice.

11:39

But another thing I would tell parents who are feeling like I'm just not cut out for this is to start to identify your unique strengths as a parent.

11:50

We are all so keenly aware of our weaknesses. I'm sure this is true for men and for dads, but I can speak for sure for women that we are keenly aware of ways that we should do better and try harder in all the ways that we fall short.

12:05

But what would happen if instead we trained our eyes to see the unique strengths that God has already given us?

12:11

If we believe what you said, Erin, and what I write in my book is true, that God did not make a mistake in making us the mom of our kids, that you are not the short straw that got drawn or the second string pick.

12:22

There's not a backup. Or the bottom of the barrel. Right, there's not a backup mom or dad waiting the wings to swoop in and be like, yeah, you can't cut it.

12:30

No. So if we believe that God is a God who is sovereign and loving and kind and good, who does not make a mistake, then we can know for certain that, okay, there's gotta be a reason that I'm the exact mom for my kids or you're the exact dad for your kids.

12:45

And so I found it was transformative to start not just focusing on my lack or on my weaknesses, but God, what am

12:55

I doing good as a mom? Even in a season of struggle, where are my strengths and how do those align with my unique kids?

13:01

Yeah, I think it's interesting that you pointed this out and it didn't dawn on me until earlier that it is oftentimes because we care so much.

13:07

If a person doesn't care, then they're gonna slap out their whatever and think they're fine. I mean, we see people do that all of the time.

13:14

Our kids probably do that in school settings, like, oh, it'll be okay. But because we're so desperate to care, because we do care and we love these children, that when we fail, it's gonna stick out to us more so than otherwise.

13:27

So I think that's a really helpful thing to acknowledge about us as we're parenting that a lot of this is gonna happen.

13:33

A lot of these struggles are going to occur in us because we desperately care about the situation, which that's not bad.

13:40

Right, and so I just wanna encourage you today to stop and maybe even write down, it feels a little awkward, but maybe even write down what are three parenting strengths in your season right now?

13:51

Because I think we can so easily overlook things that we dismiss as, well, that's mundane or everyone does that.

13:58

Well, it doesn't matter what everyone else does. What brings you delight in your parenting? Maybe it's something simple like French braiding hair or making the perfect grilled cheese.

14:08

Maybe you're really good at teaching a toddler to tie their shoes or a teenager to drive stick shift. I'm not good at any of those things

14:14

I just named, but maybe you're really good at reading storybooks in different voices or soothing a child with anxiety.

14:20

We all have unique strengths and if you can't find someone in yourself, ask a spouse or a friend or someone who sees you parent because I guarantee that you are doing a better job than you think.

14:34

And I think that's a key to kind of pointing our hearts and minds back to Christ, how he made us and walking into that confidence that he's given us.

14:42

Amen. It's always a very powerful thing to do. And I love, this transitions so well into my next observation.

14:48

One of the things I enjoyed about the format of your book was what we're going to call the homework section. Now here at Truth Love Parent, we don't call it homework, okay?

14:55

We call it life work because nobody likes homework, but everyone wants to have a better life, right? So life work sounds more enjoyable.

15:01

But I just love how you completely avoided calling this section of the book anything at all, all right? You just basically called it one simple step.

15:09

And I think that's because you recognize the fact that we all feel overwhelmed, right? And that inviting the reader to now add extra work to the process could feel even more overwhelming.

15:20

So really what you did was you said one simple step, and then you invited the reader to only choose one of three practical, easy things to do.

15:29

And I love that because it recognizes that, again, we're overwhelmed parents. Likely we believe we can't keep up with the tasks already on our plates, but you make taking those practical steps easy.

15:40

You remove the idea of additional work. You invite the reader to choose just one simple step. In order to put what they've learned into practice.

15:46

And for example, I think one of the steps presented at the end of the first chapter is this, quote, identify the internal dialogue that plays as your motherhood soundtrack.

15:56

And then you continue to what negative thoughts or lies can you decide today to stop believing?

16:02

Now, it's amazing how easy it is to miss the fact that we often have this throbbing pulse of negativity flooding through our minds when it comes to our parenting or even our spousing, our working, and a million other things.

16:15

All right. So how do you counsel people to recognize this internal dialogue, what you call this motherhood soundtrack of negativity and lies?

16:25

Yeah. Well, I just wanna say, I'm so glad that you like that one simple step section because that's exactly what's my heart behind it.

16:31

But I know, especially as a mom in the thick of it, if you are sleep deprived and weary, I could read a great book and then get to the end of a chapter or maybe even a paragraph and be like, what did

16:42

I just read? So yeah, I wanna to kind of hold your hand and help you remember the things that the

16:49

Lord was speaking to your heart through the words of the book. But in this idea of, how do we recognize this negative internal dialogue?

16:59

Well, first I just wanna say, and you'll read the story and if you get no better mom for the job, but I share how

17:04

I, in the midst of loving my three kids and being grateful for work and home and family life and all those things that a deep sense of discontentment and ingratitude had seeped into my motherhood and into my life and into my marriage.

17:21

And it was really hard to kind of reckon with, to be honest, because I felt like, but I'm happy, but I read my

17:30

Bible, but all these things. And yet when I really took a hard look at it after my husband said one night, hey, you just don't seem happy anymore.

17:38

I realized that he was one, he was right. And two, one of the culprits was this negative internal dialogue playing in my head.

17:46

And so we all have this inner voice that can either, as you pointed out, speak truth and point us back to Christ, or it can speak lies that keep us focused on ourselves, which caused us to further plummet into a pit of self -doubt and self -pity if that's where we are.

18:01

So I'd counsel another parent who was struggling with inadequacy or discontentment to start by identifying the tapes that play in your head.

18:10

What did those internal dialogue loops sound like for you? And take mental notes or even write it down and hold up what you're saying to yourself and about yourself against what you know to be true and see if there are any disparities.

18:25

So I'll give you an example. So for me, a common chorus of my internal dialogue went like this, motherhood will always be like this.

18:34

I will never have enough time to get everything done. I will always be exhausted. I feel like I'm drowning.

18:41

And so if I told myself that over and over again, every day, guess what? I'm gonna feel like that those things are true.

18:49

I felt like the diaper days and sleepless nights would always be my motherhood reality. I mean, people would say, oh, the years fly by.

18:57

There were no flying years in my experience. I can look back now and actually just yesterday, I posted this picture on Instagram when

19:03

I'm sitting in the rocking chair and holding a baby and toddler. And I can tell you now that those years did fly by, but in the moment, the days are long.

19:12

And so I found that using what

19:18

I call language of absolutes, always and never is not helpful. I say in the book, language of absolutes is really helpful.

19:26

Always and never would best be lost in the dryer with all the random socks. And so what I mean by that is that when we say things like motherhood will always be like this,

19:34

I will never have enough time. Those things just aren't true. Whatever season of motherhood or fatherhood you're in, it will eventually change.

19:43

I would say to myself, my kid will never sit still. Well, guess what? That toddler who

19:48

I said that about to him probably and to myself even more, he's now a fifth grader who is respectful and self -controlled.

19:57

And those always and nevers are just so unhelpful. So listen to your own thoughts.

20:03

See if some of those always and nevers are creeping in. See if you're telling yourself things that really don't match up with the truth.

20:12

And then once you recognize it, then you can start replacing those lies with truths instead.

20:18

Amen. And we so do that. We are the easiest people to whom to lie. In order to lie to you,

20:24

I don't have to believe the lie. But in order to lie to myself, I have to have already believed it. And that's why it's so incredibly easy to deceive ourselves, which is why

20:32

God says that our hearts are deceitful and they're desperately wicked. We can't even know it. So that is extremely helpful.

20:38

We need to look for it. And we need to look for it oftentimes, as you said, in our communication because what we say comes out of our hearts.

20:45

And when we find ourselves saying things like, this will never change, that we're betraying something very damaging about ourselves.

20:52

And then we need to take a closer look at that. Right. And I found something really simple that someone could do today.

20:58

If you catch yourself saying, or just thinking like, it will always be like this, whatever it this, whatever your it is.

21:04

Instead say, today I feel fill in the blank. In this season, fill in the blank is a challenge.

21:12

And so by just that short, that small little shift in language, I found it really powerful to say, today

21:17

I feel overwhelmed, but I'm not dooming myself to feeling overwhelmed tomorrow or next week or until my kids turn 18.

21:25

But today, you know, we need to honor how we're truly feeling. But I found that it's powerful to put it in proper perspective.

21:34

Yeah. Because if I say my car will never run again, I'm not going to spend any time or money trying to get it running.

21:41

But if I say my car broke down today, that actually is an invitation in my own mind to then try to do something about it so that tomorrow it doesn't stay broken down, you know?

21:51

So yeah, that's super powerful. That's great. Now, we've talked often about this idea on the show, about the importance of building

21:58

Christ honoring parenting community. And you reference this all throughout the book. And okay, if I'm being completely transparent,

22:04

I'm actually a little jealous of how you and your mom friends interact with each other. It is so beautiful. And I'm like,

22:10

I need more friends like that. But you also dedicate two chapters to the concept of this parenting community.

22:18

So from your perspective, why is it actually harmful for us to avoid digging into a vibrant friendship?

22:25

And what keeps us from taking that first scary step? Yeah. So I guess I would answer your question this way.

22:32

I look back at my motherhood these, you know, 11 years and I can say without a doubt that there is nothing that the

22:39

Lord has used more apart from his word to help me thrive with joy and confidence as a mom than meaningful friendships.

22:47

I believe friendships in any life season are important, especially in the thick of motherhood or fatherhood too,

22:54

I imagine. Friendships are crucial to our mental health and our spiritual growth. So when we look at how much we have to gain from friendships, it means that there's a whole lot at stake.

23:04

And if we don't really dig in and cultivate what I like to call life together friendships, then it's almost like we don't know what we're missing.

23:12

But as I share in the book, I was in a season for a long time of feeling super alone and isolated, of transitioning from working full -time to being home and working part -time.

23:22

And I did not have those life together friends. And it was a really just dark and trying time.

23:31

And as I share in the book on this side of it, God has answered my prayers for those life together friends. I've taken some really practical key steps.

23:39

But as I looked back, I recognized several common pitfalls that can keep us from starting friendships.

23:47

So what are those first scary steps? Or what are those scary steps that keep us from digging in? See if any of these ring true for you.

23:55

False thinking. Number one, we say things to ourselves like, I'm new so others should get to know me.

24:02

That was mine. We would move. You know, I tried a new church. I tried a new mops group.

24:07

And I just thought, well, I'm new. So other people should get to know me. Well, that didn't work. Or false thinking can say, everyone else already has their friendship plate full.

24:17

We can walk into, you know, an office or church or a PTA meeting or wherever you find yourselves.

24:23

And we just assume, we look at other people and we assume that they have their friendship plate full. Well, I've been writing and speaking to thousands of women for several years.

24:31

And I have yet to meet a woman who doesn't long for deeper, more meaningful friendships. And from what you just said,

24:37

I think there's dads out there who feel the same way. So false thinking is the first thing that keeps us from taking that scary step in friendship.

24:44

Another one is snap judgments. Often our first impressions of people don't pan out.

24:50

And I think we have to acknowledge that. I remember I started going to a new moms group with the actual purpose of making a good friend.

24:58

And yet when someone asked me, you know, how's it going? How are the ladies at your table? And I remember very specifically saying, oh, they're all nice.

25:06

But I just don't really think that like, I'm going to really click or like gel with any of them. Well, guess what?

25:12

One of those women has now been one of my dearest friends for the last eight years. Why did

25:18

I have it? Why did I have a snap judgment that we weren't friendship compatible? I don't know. And a third is insecurity can keep us from pursuing friendships.

25:27

We say things to ourselves like, I'm too fill in the blank. I'm too shy. I'm too loud.

25:33

I'm too emotional. I'm too socially awkward. I'm too messy or self -conscious. For me, especially in those little years, it was,

25:41

I'm too much. Me and my kids are too much. I mean, who really wants to invite over like a frazzled mom and a three -year -old and two -year -old and a baby?

25:50

Like we, I just felt like we were too much. But here's the thing, community and relationships were

25:58

God's idea. And so there's no way that he is going to leave you out or me out.

26:05

He has life healer friends for all of us. We just have to be willing to take a risk, be vulnerable, initiate.

26:11

And I'll tell you what, maybe me and my crazy crew were too much for some people, but we weren't too much for the right friends that God had in mind for us.

26:17

Amen. Yes. Yes. Awesome. That is so great. And there, and so much of this,

26:23

I'm remembering from the book, as you're talking about it, there's so much just great stuff in the book. I love your intimacy and explaining your own personal struggles and how your personality just literally hangs off of every anecdote and every illustration in your book.

26:37

And really, I want to take the moment right now. Okay. Listen carefully. I mean, I want to personally encourage everyone listening today to identify one mom who you know needs to hear this truth.

26:48

Now, that one mom may be you. Okay. If you're a guy, that woman may be your wife.

26:54

It may be another mom in your parenting community. Once you've identified someone who could really benefit from this encouragement,

26:59

I want you to go to truthloveparent .com and use our Amazon affiliate links to purchase Know Better Mom for the job.

27:06

Okay. It really will be a huge help to that mom you've identified. And if you order it soon, you should be able to receive the book before Mother's Day.

27:13

So then, whether it ends up wrapped in a brown paper bag or cute wrapping paper, or you just pull it out of your diaper bag and hand it to them, right?

27:20

Give that mom the copy to encourage and strengthen her. Okay. It really will help. This book has so much great stuff in it.

27:28

And again, I do need to say this. I was telling Becky before we started recording today that I read lots of mom books.

27:34

I listen to lots of mom podcasts. Okay. And this book really is geared toward women. Okay. Yeah. I read it.

27:39

I loved it. And it was a significant blessing to me as I applied the truth to my own life. And as I mentioned earlier, in more ways than just my parenting.

27:46

But if there's a dad in your life who could use this encouragement because they're there, I think sometimes we just think that women struggle with these things and guys don't.

27:53

And it's just not true. Instead of just going out and buying the book for them, at least invite them to check out this interview.

27:59

Okay. Because Becky and I are about to talk about the life -changing truth that we all need to really grow in our parenting and experience the divine confidence that we all desire.

28:09

And then if that dad really wants to read the book, then he can just decide for himself. Or better yet, you could also check out our upcoming

28:15

Father's Day giveaway. Speaking of giveaways, we're going to have a contest that you could win a copy of Becky's book.

28:23

Okay. A special Mother's Day giveaway. Just click the link in the description or go to truthloveparent .com to check out our giveaways page and learn how you can earn three chances to win a free copy of No Better Mom for the job.

28:35

The contest will run for a week. And if you win, you should have more than enough time to receive the book before Mother's Day. So Becky, I have to say that my favorite chapter is chapter nine, the second to last chapter of the book.

28:47

It's entitled The Thing You Really Need More Than Caffeine and Sleep, which for a new mom, likely it's hard to believe that there's anything you need more than those two things, but it's so true.

28:57

Okay. We too often look at all the wrong things for our satisfaction and our strength, but you graciously and patiently and kindly direct us back to the thing we really need most in our parenting.

29:09

So if you do us a favor and unpack that chapter for all the dads and moms out there who know they need to be better parents, but maybe they're looking in all the wrong places.

29:19

Yeah. Sometimes I just read that chapter title to myself, Becky, there's something you need more today than caffeine and sleep.

29:26

Because I think as parents, when we are weary and maybe on edge, there's so many stressors in our life.

29:33

It's so easy to reach for that thing that seems like the temporary quick fix, right?

29:38

If I just reheat one more afternoon cup of coffee, if I can just get my kids to all nap at the same time, and then

29:45

I can fall asleep on the couch. If I could just have a little bit more alone time, then

29:50

I would feel okay in my motherhood skin. And these are the kinds of things that I used to tell myself that I used to believe, but it turns out what

29:59

I really need, what all of us really need is more of Jesus. And I discovered that the way that I could be tethered to the things that I, more than a jolt of caffeine or, you know, a girl's night out.

30:13

What I really was desperate for was peace, wisdom, strength, patience, anyone.

30:21

And I could get those things by being tethered to God through his word. So in this chapter,

30:28

I share the story of how really it was the offer of free child care at a Tuesday morning

30:34

Bible study that is what got me to show up and to start really digging into God's word and memorizing his word.

30:42

And what I discovered was that when I was facing tough parenting moments, when

30:48

I had a kid who no matter what we tried in every super nanny style would not sleep or would not obey, that really what

30:56

I need was to turn to God and having his word hidden in my heart, words like from the book of James, a promise that says, if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask

31:06

God who gives generously to all without finding faults, and it will be given to him. And so by hiding

31:12

God's word in my heart, which don't, I mean, this is not like, you don't have to be super spiritual. What you have to do is find a verse like that, that speaks to the desperate place you are, write it on a post -it note or an index card and paste it all over your house.

31:27

This is literally what I did, right. You know, right by my kitchen sink where I was, you know, washing bottles and dishes all day or in my bathroom mirror or in my diaper bag, wherever those things are.

31:37

And just jump in here real quick and just say too, as a biblical counselor, that is exactly what I encourage people to do.

31:43

Like that right there. That is what the quote unquote professionals, you know, that's what we're telling people to do. Write it on a three by five card, have it in your pocket, put it up on your bathroom mirror, put it up in your kitchen.

31:52

Yeah, that's exactly what we need to be doing. And it makes a difference. Like it really, really, it does.

31:58

And, you know, to continually be pointed back to the truth. And so what I discovered was that it wasn't the external things.

32:09

And I don't know what it is for you. Maybe you grab a glass of wine at the end of the day, or maybe you find yourself mindlessly scrolling

32:16

Instagram too often, or you feel inadequate. And so you find yourself, you know, clicking add to cart on Amazon one more time.

32:24

There's all these ways that we turn to fill this void that we have in our hearts. And really the only person that can fill that void is the person of God.

32:36

And so the thing that I really need, that you really need as moms and dads to be the parent that God designed you to be, is to root yourself in his word.

32:46

We need him. We desperately need him. And it starts by just saying that, God, I desperately need you. I don't even know where to start, but would you come and walk with me in this parenting moment today?

32:57

And I think an important piece of this is the fact that, okay, so there really is no dad who could do a better job parenting my kids than I, right?

33:07

That's what we're trying to establish. And we want you to have that confidence and know that. At the same time, I have to acknowledge that I'm not perfect, right?

33:14

I might be the right dad. There might not be a better dad, but I'm not a perfect dad because I'm still human.

33:20

Right. And so there's an extreme that we can go. Well, you know, I'm mom, I'm dad, I'm whatever.

33:25

And I'm fine the way I am. And I think that's one thing that ends up getting people into trouble. Because going back to what

33:31

I would say to the parents at Victory, I'm the best parent for my children when

33:37

I'm parenting to the glory of God. Because when I'm parenting to the glory of self, I'm a terrible parent.

33:43

Let's be honest. I mean, I'm causing trouble. Now God's way bigger and I'm not going to mess up my kids in such a way that God cannot get to their hearts, but it's important to remember that.

33:52

So I become the best dad for my kids when I am interacting with his truth, when

33:59

I am parenting the way he's called me to parent. That's such a super important thing. And as you pointed out so beautifully, it is only ever going to come through God's word.

34:10

We're in the middle of a spiritual warfare set of a series of podcasts right now.

34:15

And we haven't gotten to it yet, but we're going to get to it soon where we're talking about the weapons of our spiritual warfare.

34:21

And you just pointed out that the place where we're going to find all the weapons for our spiritual warfare are right there in God's word.

34:29

It's not in pop culture. It's not going to be in our music or movies or in any of the things that we try to, like you said, try to use to find satisfaction.

34:36

It's only going to come from God's word. And that's why I love this chapter so much. Oh, I love that.

34:42

Yeah. And just to support what you're saying, I, and I say this in the book, that parenting with confidence does not mean perfect parenting.

34:51

It means trusting and believing that God is perfectly with us. God's word.

34:57

One key verse that I cling to all the time as a parent is God's promise. I will never leave you or forsake you.

35:03

I go before you and I am with you. And so it's not about performing well or doing it all perfectly, but when we fall to know that God is there to pick us back up, when we blow it to say, to model, you know, asking for forgiveness and what that looks like with our kids.

35:20

So there are no illusions of perfect parents here, but being the right mom for your kids means knowing that God is with me and he promises to equip me.

35:30

And I can trust him to do that moment by moment, day by day. Amen. Amen.

35:36

Becky, thank you so much for, first of all, writing this book and secondly, taking the time to personally share your heart with us today.

35:41

If our TLP community wants to connect with you, where's the best place for them to go? Thank you.

35:47

My favorite place to connect is on Instagram. So come and find and follow me at Becky Keefe.

35:53

We have a really beautiful, vibrant community there with, and I share slices of my daily life and crazy stories and hope from the

36:02

Lord. And they can also find about more about me and my speaking and writing at BeckyKeefe .com. Yeah.

36:08

And you are quite the Instagrammer. I will say that you, to say that you put me to shame would be like to pretend that I'm actually in the race, but I'm the guy on the sidelines eating popcorn while everyone else is racing.

36:18

And I know you're a fantastic Instagrammer. And of course, I'm going to have all of those links in the description of today's episode.

36:24

Listen, do not forget to purchase a copy of Becky's book and use TLP's affiliate links, because then you'll bless

36:29

Becky, right? By buying her book and always leave a review. People forget about doing that. They buy the book, but they forget to leave a review.

36:35

That's super important for authors. But also when you use our affiliate links, you'll benefit TLP. And obviously by reading the book and implementing the things that you learn there, you'll be growing in your parenting and all of that happens in one fell swoop.

36:47

So that's fantastic. And if you're interested in winning a copy of this book, click on the link below to find out how you can do that.

36:53

Becky, thank you again so much for being willing to reveal your own parenting struggles, really so that we can all grow closer to God.

37:00

Oh, thank you. It was really my joy. And it's my passion to bring our struggles out of the darkness of isolation into the light of shared experience.

37:09

So we can know that we're not alone in this. We have one another and we have God who goes with us. So it was my joy to talk with you today.

37:16

And if you read another book, we definitely want to talk about it on the show for sure. So don't forget about us in that. And congratulations for being the first person to be on a video interview with TruthLoveParent.

37:26

That's pretty cool. Yay, it was so fun. My friends, if you are in a desperate place and need biblical encouragement for your parenting struggles, please send an email to counselor at truthloveparent .com

37:37

or call us at 828 -423 -0894. We so desperately want to help.

37:44

Remember, if we want our children to grow up into Christ, we must parent in truth and love. And that includes parenting in the truth that when we parent to God's honor and glory, there really is no better dad or mom for the job.

37:56

And I hope you'll stay with us as we continue our discussion of the spiritual warfare in your home by investigating the battlefields on which the enemy attacks us every day.

38:05

Truth. Love. Parents is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

38:16

Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.