The Marriage Bed

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I want to invite you to take out your Bibles and turn with me to Hebrews chapter 13 and hold your place at verse 4.
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A few weeks ago, I preached a sermon on the state of our country on the subject of marriage.
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I made the point that because of the rampant nature of divorce combined with the more recent desire of many people to redefine the institution, marriage in America today is not seen by many as the holy and sacred institution that it once was.
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In fact, many in our day enter into marriages with the idea that when times get tough, they'll just get going.
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It has even come to the point that many people have simply chosen to forego marriage, simply live together because when the inevitable divide comes, it'll just be easier, it'll make the division easier and be less paperwork.
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As such, the idea of monogamy and fidelity have really fallen on hard times.
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Many in television and in the media have come out publicly and declared marriage to be a dead institution.
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Some say the concept is outdated and reminiscent of the time when women were considered to be property of their husbands and that society needs to evolve past the idea of marriage and monogamy.
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Well, the reality is society has evolved, but it's devolved.
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It's gone down and not up.
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It has adopted this idea that marriage is no longer sacred and that sexual relations are not exclusively held in that bond.
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As a result, we see a nation filled with people who have been in multiple physical relationships with various individuals and we see a generation of children being raised up who will have no comprehension of the idea of having mom and dad living together in a loving exemplary relationship.
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Do you understand that? Do you understand that there are an entire generation of children, many of which will never understand the concept of having dad and mom at home together, that they're born in a situation where that's not the case and they'll have to see that in other families because they'll never see it in their own.
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We know we have descended to a very low depth when entire television programs are now dedicated to finding out who is the father of the child.
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And it's not just the people on the show who have descended.
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The viewers are the consumers.
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They find indiscretion and infidelity and illegitimate children to be entertainment.
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If they didn't watch, the show wouldn't exist.
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Beloved, the Bible has a very different view of marriage than our world does.
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And in particular, the marriage bed in which our world portrays.
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The world sees marriage as an antiquated institution and sees fidelity as a punchline.
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However, the Bible teaches us that marriage is the most important and sacred of institutions and fidelity is one of the most important virtues we can possess.
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So this morning, we're going to continue in our study of Hebrews and examine the passage which reminds us of the high value of marriage and the great danger of infidelity.
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Let's stand together.
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Hebrews chapter 13 and verse 4.
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Let marriage be held in honor among all.
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And let the marriage bed be undefiled.
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For God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
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Our Father and our God, as we consider this text this morning and consider all of its implications, I pray for an extra measure of strength and that you would keep me from error.
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Open all of our ears to hear the truth of this text and to be honest with it and with ourselves.
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And I pray, oh God, that you would just keep us focused on what it says to be mindful of your grace and even more mindful of the righteousness to which you have called us all.
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In Jesus' name, Amen.
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As most of you have been here, you know we've been studying the book of Hebrews now quite some time, verse by verse.
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And as I begin to continue that study, I want to remind us of the context which we are in.
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Chapter 13 has already spoken of love for those within the church and love for those who are outsiders who come in and love for those who are suffering for Christ all around the world.
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And now the writer turns his attention to the foundational union wherein love must be the cornerstone.
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The union of a man and a woman in marriage.
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And the pattern is simple in chapter 13.
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Our love for our Christian family must be strong.
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Our love for outsiders must be strong.
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Our love for the persecuted must be strong.
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And now he talks about the love bond between the husband and the wife and he says that too must be strong.
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And he addresses three issues which the church needs to understand about the institution of marriage.
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Three important areas about marriage that the church needs to understand.
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The first point, the first area that he addresses, he says, the marriage relationship should be held in honor by all.
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That's the first point, that's his first statement.
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He says, let marriage be held in honor among all.
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Now the word honor there is an important word because it comes from the root word for value.
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Marriage is supposed to be seen as a valuable institution and the relationship between a man and a woman as valuable.
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The word actually comes from the root Greek word which means to pay a price for something, to pay a high price for something.
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It's valuable.
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And this is a consistent theme within the Bible.
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Most of you know this.
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Proverbs 31 compares a virtuous wife to what? Who knows it? Precious stones and rubies, right? That a virtuous wife is greater value than even the most precious valuable stones.
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It also holds the connotation of being precious.
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Not only is the marriage relationship valuable, the marriage relationship is also precious.
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It's a precious thing.
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The sad thing is in our modern context, marriage is not seen as precious anymore.
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In many ways it is seen as dishonorable because of the way it is portrayed and talked about.
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Men talk about marriage as if it is a trap, as if it is a prison.
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You talk about getting married with a group of men, and oh, it's the old ball and chain.
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It's an institution designed to rob men of the joys of bachelorhood.
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It's a prison.
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And of course, women have their own thoughts.
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Women talk about marriage in a different way.
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Oftentimes they talk about marriage being a relationship of subjugation.
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And if you hear the feminists describe marriage, that's often how marriage is described.
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In itself, it's subjugation.
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You're nothing but chattel.
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You're nothing but a property.
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And as such, to hear many people talk, marriage itself is a horrible institution.
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Like one comedian said, I didn't know happiness until I was married and by then it was too late.
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But you see, that's how the world sees it.
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But the Bible says that marriage is valuable, that marriage is precious, that marriage is honorable.
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In short, marriage is a good thing.
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And among Christians especially, the holiest state of marriage should be treated as the blessing that it is.
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It is a blessing to be married.
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It is a blessing to have a wife or a husband.
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But what is it that makes marriage valuable? From a scriptural perspective, what is it that makes marriage valuable? Why is it that the writer calls it honorable? Calls it valuable? Calls it precious? Why? Well, the first thing is, marriage fills the need of companionship which is innate in the majority of people.
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The Bible says it's not good for man to be alone.
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This is the whole reason why God created woman so that man would not be alone, that there would be that relationship which is needed and innately needed by the vast majority of people.
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There are very few people who are gifted to singleness.
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And I say gifted because the Bible describes people whom God has given that gift, the ability to not have to have that relationship.
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But I've got to tell you, I ain't one of those.
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I knew from a very early age I was going to be a married man because I don't do good on my own.
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And most of the guys I know don't do good on their own.
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There's an innate need for that companionship, an innate need for that relationship.
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And marriage is God's institution to fulfill that need.
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He's instituted it to fulfill that need.
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The second thing, the fidelity which is supposed to accompany marriage provides safety and security for both partners against the emotional and physical dangers of the world.
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That fidelity which is supposed to be shared provides a wall of protection against both the emotional and physical dangers of the world when it comes to that relationship.
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And you all know what I'm speaking of when I talk about the physical dangers of someone who has multiple intimate relationships.
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And thirdly, the marriage relationship is the earthly symbol of the relationship which the believer has with Christ as we are the ones who make up His bride, the church.
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That's one of the reasons why marriage cannot be trampled underfoot, must not be trampled underfoot, because in and of itself, if it serves no other purpose, it serves the purpose of giving the earthly demonstration of the relationship between Christ and His church.
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Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, you see.
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So the marriage relationship is valuable.
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It's important.
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It's precious.
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It serves in many functions.
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Marriage is God's design.
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And marriage should be held in high esteem, especially among God's people.
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It should be held in high esteem.
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So that's the first thing he tells us, that marriage is valuable.
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It's precious.
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It's honorable.
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And then he goes into the second of his three statements.
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The second point.
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And that is that the marriage bed should be undefiled.
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Beloved, this is where the writer's intention in making this point is made the most clear.
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You see, simply mentioning that marriage is honorable among all, that's simple enough.
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We would all agree and go forward from there.
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Marriage is honorable.
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Marriage is precious.
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Marriage is good.
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Okay, we agree.
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But beloved, that's not the crux of his focus.
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That is simply the foundation of his focus.
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His focus is actually on the fidelity which is supposed to accompany marriage.
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By bringing in the subject of the bed, which denotes the physical act of laying together as husband and wife, he not only wants us to understand the value of marriage, he wants us to understand the value of fidelity in marriage.
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That's his point.
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His focus here is on the responsibility of a man and a woman in a marriage relationship to be physically faithful to one another.
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I want you to think about a few things in regard to fidelity.
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I want to give you a few things to consider when we think about the marriage bed.
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Number one, and I'm going to have you look at a few Bible verses with me.
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Number one, the Bible commends a healthy physical relationship between a husband and a wife.
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Turn in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 7.
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Remember what I said, the Bible commends a healthy physical relationship between a husband and a wife.
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1 Corinthians 7.
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Now, it helps to remember when you're reading 1 Corinthians that the Apostle Paul is answering a series of questions which were given to him.
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We do not have that list of questions, so often we have to consider what is the question that brought on this.
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The issue that he's dealing with here is the question about sexual relationships.
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Should we or should we not engage in this? Because during that time, as with today and before, there were people who inappropriately engaged in those relationships.
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I mean, if you think about it, you read the Bible all the way back to the very beginning, there were people who were in inappropriate physical relationships.
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That's not something new.
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That's not something we invented in the 21st century.
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Inappropriate physical relationships have been going on since the dawn of man.
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So here you have these people that are asking questions, and in 1 Corinthians 7, he says, now concerning the matters about which you wrote...
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You see, they had written to him about this.
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Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to have sexual relationships with a woman.
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Now, at that point, if he had stopped, we'd be in a lot of trouble.
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He's saying this would be the best.
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This would be the optimum.
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If a person could not be in that relationship and could go on as a eunuch and focus his entire attention upon the worship of God, that would be best.
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But...
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And the next word is but in the sentence.
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But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
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The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights.
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And likewise the wife to her husband.
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It's amazing that the Bible is so clear on things like this.
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It's not cryptic language.
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It's not difficult to understand.
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It's simple.
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For the wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband does.
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Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his body, but the wife does.
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Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come back together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
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And remember, folks, he's talking to people within the church about this self-control.
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He's talking to people who are within the body.
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Now, granted, the Corinthian church is not the example of righteousness.
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In a lot of ways, they had a lot of carnality which was going on in the church.
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But he's still talking to believers here and he's telling them clearly.
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He's saying, look, when it comes to the marriage relationship, first and foremost, know this, that part of what you have in the marriage relationship is a way to satisfy that urge of the flesh.
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You have each other to enjoy physically.
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That's part of what the design is.
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And that you shouldn't deprive yourselves of that.
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There should be a healthy relationship in that regard.
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And it's simply what the text says.
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He says that the woman doesn't own her body, neither does the man own his body, but they belong to one another.
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And they should seek to encourage one another in that area.
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And they shouldn't deprive one another unless, of course, they both have agreed for a limited time.
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But keep it a limited time so that it doesn't become an opportunity for sin.
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So that's the first thing.
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The Bible commends a healthy physical relationship between the husband and the wife.
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The second thing, the Bible exposes the deadly nature of infidelity.
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I want you to turn to Proverbs 5.
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The Bible exposes the deadly nature of infidelity over in Proverbs 5.
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Proverbs 5.
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And we're going to read 14 verses, so I'm going to go ahead and start.
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It says, My son, be attentive to my wisdom and incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and that your lips may guard knowledge for the lips of a forbidden woman and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood.
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And she may look good.
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She may smell good.
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But she's dangerous.
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Sharp as a two-edged sword.
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Her feet go down to death.
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Her steps follow the path to Sheol.
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She does not ponder the path of life.
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Her ways wander and she does not know it.
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And now, O sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
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Keep your way far from her and do not go down near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.
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And at the end of your life, you groan when your flesh and body are consumed and you say, how I hated discipline and my heart despised reproof.
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I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors.
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I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.
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This is the writer of Proverbs' way of providing for us a vivid image in the mind of what it looks like for a man to go off into infidelity, to go off into indiscretion, to go off into the lust of the flesh.
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He said it's like going down the road of death.
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This is not the path of life.
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This is the path of death.
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And thus, it exposes to us the reality that infidelity is a deadly road.
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It is a dangerous road.
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It destroys marriages.
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It destroys families.
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It destroys churches.
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It destroys entire communities.
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Thirdly, in regard to the marriage bed, infidelity is not just a physical act.
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It is also an act of the heart.
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Turn to Matthew 5, verse 27.
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Matthew 5, verse 27.
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We read this for our opening text this morning.
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You have heard that it was said you shall not commit adultery.
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Jesus is speaking here and He's talking about the law.
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He's answering questions about the law.
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He's offering up commentary on God's law.
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He says, you've heard that it was said you shall not commit adultery, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
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And then He goes on to say, if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.
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For it is better to lose one of your members than your whole body to be thrown into hell.
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And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away.
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For it is better that you lose one of your members than to lose your whole body in hell.
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Beloved, I don't know many other passages of Scripture that are as condemning as that to most people.
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And I would speak to men at that time and say to most men particularly, that the idea of a lustful eye and the consideration of all that is available now every time you go down the street, every time you walk into this store, every time you look at a billboard or on the television screen, all that is available to entice the lust of the eyes.
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It is amazing.
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And no matter how much we try to convince ourselves it's not wrong to just peek or that it's not wrong to just think a thought or look a look, the words of Jesus resound even more loudly still.
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That a lustful eye is adultery in the heart.
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And thus the marriage bed does not have to be physically defiled to be emotionally and spiritually defiled.
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And infidelity is so destructive in a marriage relationship as such the writer specifically commends the bed.
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And he says, look to the bed of the husband and the wife and know that this is supposed to be a place of sanctity and receive special attention in regard to its special place in the relationship.
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Shared only by the two.
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Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
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So we've seen marriage should be honorable among all.
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That's the first point.
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Marriage beds should be undefiled.
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That's the second point.
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And finally, the third point.
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The wickedness of infidelity will incur judgment.
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As the text says very clearly, for God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous.
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Now that is just stating a natural truth, a natural outgrowth of a life lived in perpetual, unrepentant sin.
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Paul echoes this in his letter to the church of Ephesus, Ephesians 5, he says, But sexual immorality and all impurity and all covetousness must not even be named among you as is proper among the saints.
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Let there be no filthiness.
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Let there be no foolish talk or crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.
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For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetous, that is an idolater, has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ.
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The love of the reality is that all people, saved or not, will fight a battle with the lust of the flesh.
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But the one who spurns the commands of God, who ignores the direction of Scripture towards purity and holiness, is truly not living a life indicative of a believer.
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Again, gentlemen, ladies, I'm not telling you that you won't fight a battle.
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I once heard a man say, any man who says he's never fought a battle with lust has saying that he is more righteous than David and more wise than Solomon.
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So there is a battle to be waged, indeed.
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But yet at the same time, the Bible tells us the one who does not fight the battle, but the one who engages and continues to engage and refuses to repent, will be at his end under the terrible and awful judgment of God.
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This is not the person who fought the battle.
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This is the person who was captivated and controlled by his sin and had no fidelity to Christ.
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Now, I would like to give an application.
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That was my interpretation of the text.
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I would like to give an application, if you would all indulge me just another moment.
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When it comes to the subject of purity and marital fidelity, it is no doubt that this is an area which so many people have a battle at some level, if not physically, then mentally.
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And I want to show you a couple of places in Scripture, and this is particularly something that I want to show to husbands and wives who are here.
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Obviously, this is more for you today.
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But I want to show you something in Scripture that I think is an encouragement in fighting this battle.
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It is an encouragement in staying strong in our fidelity.
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It's an encouragement to the righteousness to which we've been called.
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And I want to ask that you go back to Proverbs 5, because we stopped at a very specific point in Proverbs 5 earlier.
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We stopped at the end of him talking about this woman who offers up this opportunity for infidelity, the opportunity for indiscretion, and the writer of Proverbs is saying, don't do that.
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Don't go that direction.
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Don't go to her house.
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Don't go to her path, because its way is death, its way is ruin, its way is misery.
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Don't do that.
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And then in Proverbs 5, we get some of the clearest, yet at the same time poetic, descriptions of how we are to fight this battle with lust.
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Proverbs 5 and 15.
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Hear this.
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Drink water from your own cistern.
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Flowing water from your own well.
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What's the analogy there? The analogy is, find your happiness in your wife, in the one that you've been given.
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Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.
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Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely dear, a graceful dove.
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Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight.
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Be intoxicated always in her love.
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Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman, and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths.
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The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
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He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly, he is led astray.
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You see, this passage is telling the men who have these wives, that you look to your wife as beautiful, as the only one who deserves the streams of your love, who deserves the embrace that you have, the touch that you have, and that you let her fill you with delight.
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Begin to look at her as beautiful as the day that you first met.
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Refresh the desire that you had when you first came together.
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Daily reaffirm that this is the one whom God has given to you, and seek to delight in her beauty only.
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There's a man in Scripture who actually models this attitude, which we would be good to emulate.
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The man's name is Job.
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Now every time you think about Job, you often think about what? He suffered a lot.
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Job went through a lot.
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The trials of Job.
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But in Job 31.1, he says these words.
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He said, I made a covenant with my eyes not to look at a woman.
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He said, I actually made a covenant with my eyes that the only one I'm going to look at for beauty, that the only one I'm going to look at to fulfill the desire of my heart, the only one I'm going to look at is my wife.
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He made an intentional decision, a covenant, to not look with lust.
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To keep himself pure, not only physically, but also mentally.
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And in this, Job stands as an example for all men and women who live in a world filled with images that are intended to cause spiritual failure by enticing the flesh.
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That is what those images are for.
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They are designed to encourage spiritual failure.
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And it's not just men, ladies.
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Especially not anymore.
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It's not something.
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It's something that men deal with differently, but not uniquely.
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There's so much that could be said on this subject, but the bottom line, the crux of the message, the theme of the text, is that marriage is a sacred institution.
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It is the highest of all earthly devotions.
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And anything which would damage it is to be avoided at all costs.
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So let me end with this verse of Scripture and then we'll close.
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It's a passage which describes God's ultimate will for us all.
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1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3, For this is the will of God, your sanctification.
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For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality.
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That each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.
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Not in the passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgresses and wrongs his brother in this manner, because the Lord is an avenger of all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.
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For God has not called us to impurity, rather for impurity, but he...
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For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness.
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God has called us to holiness, and this includes our marriage relationships.
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Our marriages are sacred, they are valuable, and we need to be actively working to protect them from all defilement.
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Our Father and our God, we thank you for the truth of your Word.
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It's convicting, it cuts us to the soul, Lord.
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I pray that we would intentionally now begin to focus on what has been said and examine ourselves and see, Lord, if there's any areas in our life which need to be examined.
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And Lord God, where repentance is needed, grant us repentance.
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Where faith is needed, grant us faith.
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Where strength is needed, grant us strength.
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And for all of those things, Lord, we give you praise, glory, and honor.
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In Jesus' precious name, Amen.