Enemies Within The Walls: Lack Of Forgiveness (part 7)

Bethlehem Bible Church

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Father, we are thankful to be here this morning. We're thankful to be in Christ to be

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Called out from this world to Even have this hour To look at your word to see what it says about you about us about the great work that Christ has done for us

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Father even as we look To the topics of forgiveness and bitterness and we see them through the lens of the gospel again of Christ's work on behalf of those who believe father.

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We praise you We thank you and we pray that for each one here that our hearts would be

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Not just open to your word, but open to have your word Work in us to transform us.

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We pray these things in Jesus name. Amen Well, I would invite you to open your

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Bibles to the book of Romans the book of Romans chapter 3 and I would like somebody to read verses 23 to 25

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Romans 3 verses 23 to 25. Do I have a reader?

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Okay, okay

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Let me let me just ask a question or two about that. What is propitiation? What does it mean when

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Paul writes That Christ is put forth as a propitiation. What is that Bruce?

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Okay, satisfaction of God's righteous wrath God is righteously angry at whom?

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at us at sinners and Christ is

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The sacrifice and the acceptable sacrifice and therefore God's wrath is propitiated

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Against sinners now follow this logic out here Because of the work of Christ Christians are forgiven for their sins.

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And what does that mean? It means that God's wrath is propitiated. It's satisfied. God is no longer angry with Christians Now as Christians we look at other

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Christians and we think I don't want to forgive that person So again, let's go back let's take a step back

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God Looks at a Christian and says I forgive them of all their sins.

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They will ever commit Christians look at other Christians and say I'm not gonna forgive you.

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What's wrong with that picture? Well, we're not reflecting the love and forgiveness.

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God has shed upon us Even though we're beneficiaries of it.

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We're like, you know what? Thank you God for forgiving me I appreciate that very much

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But I'm under no obligation whatsoever To forgive someone else.

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It's just wrong Beloved, it's just wrong. I want to go through just a few examples in scripture of bitterness and then we'll get back to Solving our problems here

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Anybody remember and I I think pastor Mike's gonna be preaching through this book here shortly allegedly one of these days the story of Ruth What happens to Naomi she loses her husband and Both of her sons and what does she tell her daughter's -in -law that They should what's that?

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Go back home and she says she says what about him in relation to What God has done and and how she feels about it she changes her name to bitterness

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Her name she says call me what Mara, I mean people change their names for a lot of reasons

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Normally, it's not to express their indignation against God bitterness

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Now, do you know anybody like that? Anybody who wants to be basically be known as their bitterness?

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I was reviewing an email that pastor Mike sent out a couple years ago because I don't I have to be honest

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I don't save all of his emails Don't tell him

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Be our little secret Probably because you know hard drives are only so big.

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I guess I could use you know, put them all in the cloud. Whatever that is But there are people who just thrive on bitterness

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They would have nothing to do. I mean, I've known people like this. I used to work with people like this That apart from bitterness, they basically have no purpose in life

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They take cynicism to a whole new level, they're just bitter Can you think of someone else in the

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Bible? Well, let's just think can you think of someone else in the Bible who was bitter? What's that Cain Cain was bitter

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Job I really like Jonah. I really like Jonah as an example.

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And why why do I think Jonah is a great example? What was what did Jonah get mad about? What's that?

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You meant Jonah, okay Well, Joe's wife was bitter what was

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Jonah bitter about I Got I heard

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God's forgiveness, right? I mean what an amazing thing God I Know, you know, you've called me to represent you

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God. I know you want me to go to Nineveh I know you want me to call these people to repentance.

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I Repent and you are a God who Is gracious who saves people and I don't want to go to Nineveh and then he goes and the city

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Repents and what does he say then? Is he happy? He's still bitter.

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I mean he just kind of takes it to a whole new level In fact in Jonah 4 9 he says

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I'm angry enough to die. I can't believe you saved this city of Nineveh They are bad people

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Now we've gone to this verse a few times

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Ephesians chapter 4 verses 31 32 and I'm gonna read that let all bitterness and Wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice

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Be kind to one another tender -hearted forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you

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This is I mean, this is the heart of body life Paul says to get rid of all bitterness and to be kind and compassionate to one another bitterness

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Must go it can't be hung on to Now let me ask you when you as a

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Christian when you sin, what do you what's your feeling after recognizing your sinfulness?

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What's your feeling? Happiness and joy I have sinned. No, what what do you feel?

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guilt Now what about when somebody sins against you it's not guilt.

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What do you feel anger or bitterness, right? What what causes what's the thing that causes you the most anger well, let's let me put it another way

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What's more likely to hurt you the most because it really is hurt What's more likely to hurt you the most if somebody sins against you that you hardly know or Does it hurt more as people are closer to you?

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You know, we say from time to time one of the most amazing and really sad things is

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To watch what happens when there's a death in the family Why? Because that's when a family often

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You know when you think they should be coming closer together. What do they do they? fracture why

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Because there are things to fight about and I mean physical things. There's money. There's the sofa

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There's whatever You know aunt Betty's Edsel, whatever it is You know, let's let's scrap over it.

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Let's fight over it and there are sometimes long -standing Hurt feelings really bitterness over things

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Because people don't think that they're getting a fair shake and it's it's Magnified by the closeness the proximity of the relationship.

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There's nothing that makes you more bitter than having somebody who ought to Love you who ought to treat you nicely who ought to be fair to you

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Kind of stab you in the back Mistreat you Paul says that we should

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Harbor bitterness when it's really deserved. No, we should put it all away this man who

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I Should have got his name But he was a pastor who sent this or wrote this original email that Mike forwarded

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Says who are the likely candidates the answer simple father's mother's brother's sister's husband's wives children boyfriends girlfriends roommates immediate supervisors immediate subordinates co -workers business partners and maybe some other relatives grand part and grandparents uncles and others the ones that You know you spend the most time with or you have the closest bond with the closest relationship

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Those are the people that we tend to get the most angry with because they're the ones who should not do these things to us

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And we talked a couple weeks ago about the idea of a bitter roots bearing bitter fruits

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Why do you suppose it is? That Christians will say I want to say

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Akron Bitter things why do we say things like that? Why do we snap at each other?

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Why would we say something in our home, you know that that we know is going to hurt the other person

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Why would do we do that? What's that? Because we've been hurt.

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What is it? What is well, let me put it another way What does Jesus say we should know?

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About ourselves by what we say it comes out of our hearts what comes out of our mouth reflects

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What's in our heart? Let's go to mark chapter 7 You know a lot of times we want to make this these verses here about Maybe profanity or something like that.

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I don't think that's the issue at all Mark chapter 7 we'll start in verse or we'll read verse 18 here and he said to them

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Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from the outside cannot defile him?

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Since it enters not his heart, but his stomach and is expelled and he said What comes out of a person is what defiles him?

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For from within out of the heart of man come evil thoughts sexual immorality theft murder adultery

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Coveting wickedness deceit sensuality envy slander pride Foolishness all these things evil things come from within and they defile a person what we do what we say

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Reveals what's in our hearts when we speak bitterly angrily? with an intent to hurt the other person

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I Said this before I mean there are things and and I think this article does a really good job about this

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What what are the what are the conversations that you're most likely to remember? You know that you can replay through your mind over and over again

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What's that? the ones that hurt you It's easy for us to remember that in fact this author goes on to say, you know, it's sometimes it's not even the happy times

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I mean, I've had a lot of good times in my life a lot of happy times and sometimes I have a hard time remembering all the details surrounding them, but they're really rough times

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Man it's like I've seen that movie a hundred times. I can recite every line. Let me ask you this though.

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Do you ever remember? The times in your life where do you send the worst against somebody else

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I Remember, I I don't remember exactly when it was

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I know it was really early in our marriage a long long time ago because I can remember what car we were driving

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Now I remember saying something to my wife and as soon as I said it I wanted to tear my tongue

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I wasn't even no believer. I wanted to tear my tongue out because I knew what I'd said was just It was vicious, how do you how do you how do you undo that?

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Answer is you can't What did it show? What did it reflect? Well, it's easy to say it reflected, you know, a certain viciousness in my heart.

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What it really showed was a lack of love for my wife a lack of caring for her like what he says what this author says about Bitterness and he says, you know bitterness we think it's just our own problem

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Well, I'm gonna suggest to you that bitterness is contagious Why is bitterness contagious?

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Like love is contagious. Can you catch love? I think you can can you catch enthusiasm? I think you can can you catch bitterness?

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Because bitterness, how does it express itself? Bitterness if I'm bitter on the inside,

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I mean we just read it if I'm bitter on the inside Do I manifest the fruit of the

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Spirit, you know Galatians 5? am I all of a sudden, you know, I'm bitter on the inside, but everything

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I say is edifying and building up and Promoting harmony and peace and love of the brethren.

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What do you think? I'm guessing probably not If I'm bitter it's

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I might as well have Whooping cough or you know something else and you know

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Just kind of come and shake everybody's hand and give them hugs and all that. How's it going? I don't know if it's quite that contagious, but maybe

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Causes problems what causes a church split Somebody might say well, you know a lot of times it's the action of the pastor or it's this or it's that well

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That's that may be But I think most of the time In fact in most of the church splits that we've kind of observed or tried to intervene in or whatever.

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What's happened is There's been a brush fire in the congregation and who's the last guy to know? He comes in, you know, it's like MacArthur tells a story years ago, you know, he's had a rough week

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I think this is like 25 30 years ago, and he's been there forever Comes into an elders meeting and he says, you know, it's been a really rough week.

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I'm just glad to have you guys as friends And one of the elders looks at him and says what?

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If you think we're your friends you got another thing coming Okay.

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Well now, how are we to deal with bitterness?

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I mean, it's easy to say It's easy to say Rid yourselves of bitterness.

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How do you do that? Well, what what does the world say you should do? How do you get rid of your bitterness according to the world?

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What's that? Revenge that's my favorite way. Well, I I don't know If if you're having a tough time dealing with issues, what is the world gonna tell you to do?

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You know if you're a bitter person Let it out vent that I think that's it

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Right. A lot of times we will say you'll go you should go to a therapist. Well, what does the therapist do anybody?

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Well, don't raise your hand. I'll tell you I've been to a therapist Because I don't want to see all the hands

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I've been to a therapist. Let me tell you what they do Not only do they do what's called mirroring.

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Do you know what mirroring is? You know, they kind of they want to identify with you. So kind of whatever you say, they just go

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I understand that you're angry. I Understand that you're hurt

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Steve if I could if it was within the guidelines, I'd give you a hug, but it's not so sorry they want you to know that they feel your pain and Then as you talk to them, what do they do?

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They want you to point the finger of blame at somebody

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Why are you the way you are? Well, it's because your mom was this way or your dad was that way or Somebody in your life did this to you or whatever you have you have

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Father issues you have mother issues Okay What they want you to do is to go in and actually pay money to think about what are you doing?

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You're going in and you're venting you're practicing your bitterness. You're harboring it You're doing exactly what we were talking about a couple weeks ago.

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You're Pouring water on it. You're growing it But I like what this author says he says the world's solutions for bitterness should not be used by Christians When Christians copy the world

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Well, they make two poor choices. First of all, they keep it and secondly they share it

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We should not do that. That's not what Christians were called to get rid of it To empty ourselves of all bitterness

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Skip that Okay, I like this story and I think it's kind of a good illustration of bitterness

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This pastor says one time. I went to the Walla Walla State Penitentiary in case you're wondering where Walla Walla is that's in Washington To spend the day with the inmates.

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It was around Christmas. I spent six hours there During the afternoon. I was in maximum security talking about and teaching evangelism

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This one fellow asked about reaching really hardcore criminals I thought he was really interested in such evangelism and talked to him about it

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Then I spent time and minimum security protective custody and other places in the evening.

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I was back in maximum security and Thought I'd talk on the subject of bitterness

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The same fellow who asked about evangelism in the afternoon asked me another question How can you get rid of bitterness towards somebody who beat up your three -year -old son

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Unmercifully, so I told him, you know when you get a question like that, what does that mean?

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This isn't some you know, the inmate wasn't like let me ask you a random question Suppose there was a situation where a three -year -old had been beaten.

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What he's saying is This is my three -year -old son. What do I do? So I told him how and then

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I said, you know when you get rid of your bitterness You can help this person so that he won't beat up other little kids

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The man said no this guy cannot be helped I Said sure he can

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The man replied. No, he really can't I Asked why not? He's no longer alive

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This man had killed him. He had murdered him because of what he'd done to his three -year -old son

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But even though he had killed the man he was still bitter about it Vengeance is not a solution.

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It is not a solution. What is the solution? How do we get rid of bitterness

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How do we deal with it? It's easy to say, right?

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I'm not going to I'm going to rid myself of bitterness. Well, what do I do? How do I how do

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I do that? If you're a believer you preach the gospel yourself,

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I agree How does that help Bruce, okay

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When you evaluate yourself rightly you're able to forgive others. I just think You know, how does?

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Romans 7 Paul says the things I don't want to do

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I do the things I Do I don't want to do? I mean he's like I sin

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In the ways, I don't want to sin and the righteousness. I long for I don't do and how does that help?

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How does he conclude? He says Oh Wonderful man that I am

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Oh Righteous man that I am Oh Blessed son of the king that I am now.

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He says Oh wretched man that I am who will Rescue me deliver me save me from this body of death of sin

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He understands who he is So how's he able then to forgive people who do?

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Terrible things to him because he has that crossword vision And I don't mean like supernatural vision.

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I mean he's focused on the cross and the grace that is his in Christ Jesus If we think rightly about ourselves and we preach the gospel to ourselves if we remind ourselves that our sins

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Are scarlet But that in Christ we have been made white as snow it becomes a lot easier to forgive to put off bitterness but if you put yourself in that kind of Cycle of bitterness and you say you know what?

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I don't want to preach the gospel myself Well, I would suggest that talking to Someone else someone a

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Christian and saying you know what? Talking to your spouse and saying you know what?

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I'm I'm bitter. I don't want to be bitter

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And have somebody else walk you through the gospel. Just think again, you know here Here's what you don't want to do, you know

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I go to my wife and I say, you know what? I'm I'm struggling with bitterness You know,

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I Have some anger towards so -and -so or whatever. I'm just really struggling with that issue

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Well the way you don't want to respond the way my wife would never respond is well, you know what? You're such a dope.

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You have no right to be bitter about any I mean, you don't want to just just totally Annihilate him which would be easy to do

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And you also can't join in with that you just really need to say well, you know what here's what I do

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Whenever it comes to bitterness and we all struggle with that. Don't we? Then we just have to kind of replay that in our heads.

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Yeah, Bruce. Go ahead. I think that's great

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I mean you certainly want to go to the word and prayer You know, but what's what's hard about that and there's almost like well, there is a barrier

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There's a barrier that keeps you from Study of the bible and from prayer and that barrier is called sin

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Right. I mean you're like well, you know, maybe I should do this or do that, but i'd rather stay bitter

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I mean, that's when you know, you're really stuck in something. But but let me just say this, you know I'm a i'm kind of a simple guy um

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One of the things I do and this is right in line with what you're saying But a lot of times you just need to shift

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Or you need to change things that you are um allowing to to Keep you in that mood, for example

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If I want Not that I want to but if I want to get depressed I have a list of songs that I can play

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Instant depression I don't even have to add water. It's just depression If I want to think about christ and all that he's done for me.

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Well, then guess what? I have another list of songs I can listen to right? I can bust out, uh, you know that famous cd of mike and I singing all those hymns down in there in louisville, kentucky

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With uh, we had 5 000 background singers. It's really great together for the gospel um

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You never heard mike more in tune than he is on that cd But but you do those kind of things and and it can shift your mind to where you just go.

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You know what? That's right. I need to I need to Pray, I need to think rightly.

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I need to go to the word pastor. Dave yeah, well

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I and I mean that's a great point because what happens if you attach yourself to somebody who's struggling the same way that you are then you become kind of the

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You know the yeast that's going to spoil the whole loaf now I I don't know how many of you have ever worked in a big organization.

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I'll get to you in a minute charlie in a big organization, but i'll tell you what when I was working in uh the jail in in la county

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I mean it was a big Big jail, we would have as many as I think the most

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Inmates we ever had was 5 000. So it's a big place a lot of Uh sworn personnel there

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And when I moved from building to building like when on different assignments, there was a whole different environment in some buildings than in others um, and it would just depend on the people there some people were really optimistic wanted to work hard and other people were pessimistic and cynical and Bitter and didn't want to do much of anything and so Right in line with what pastor dave's saying there are like groups of people everywhere

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Who just are of a certain mindset and want to go in a certain direction? and so, you know if you're struggling with a certain sin, you definitely there are some people that Are easier to be around and other people that will challenge you and you need to go for the people that will challenge you

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So charlie, what are you gonna say? in due time

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His foot shall slip Yeah sinners in the hands of and I know now there's something right

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I don't know I don't know. Do they still study that in school? I know in public school. They studied that and I just said no that's just bizarre, but um, yeah,

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I mean things like that Reminding ourselves of really who we are you know our our tendency is to think

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I deserve better I Nobody should treat me like that. No one should talk to me like that I deserve better than whatever

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This person or that person did And could there be truth to that?

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Yes There could be truth to that If your husband or your wife doesn't talk to you rightly do you know should you just think well, you know what?

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I don't blame them for talking to me like that. Well, that's one way of looking at it On the other hand you could say, you know, i'm offended by that but what we think is

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I deserve better than that Well what you deserve if you take a step back is hell and if you keep that in mind

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You know seers in the hands of an angry god what keeps you out of hell? Well, it's the grace of god other thoughts

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Yes and That's a great point joanie.

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I mean all Yep Yep, I mean

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What what do we expect that people are always going to treat us rightly that everything's going to go well

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Or should we consider all joy when we encounter various trials? Knowing that the outcome is what you know that god's using all these things that he brings them into our lives

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You know, we forget we believe romans 8 28 But we don't really want to live it out God works all things together for good.

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Well, yeah, but not this This is an epic disaster that god certainly cannot use for my benefit

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Well except for you know, what's what's excluded? I mean do you ever find yourself looking you look in the macarthur study notes and do you ever think where's the fine print because when

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God says that he's working all things together for good. There must be some kind of exclusionary clause

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Didn't macarthur have good lawyers go over this thing? What's he thinking? No, it's not easy and sometimes we you know what and that's fine

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If you want to say to yourself and i'm not I don't mean you joanie, but I mean all of us if we want to say to ourselves

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The christian life is not easy. Is that okay? I think it is. Okay Jesus didn't say it was going to be easy

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You know true or false jesus said Uh, you know what? You should think that I came to bring peace

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That's false. He didn't say that he said don't think I came to bring peace i'm going to divide the households

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Here's here's a you know a good bumper sticker for a christian life is tough and then and then you die

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Better maybe life is tough and then heaven in light of all that I Have done

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I don't deserve heaven and yet that's what I get. Did I see another hand? Yeah pastor

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Excellent. I I mean to just kind of expand on this for a minute and then we we sort of have to close

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I may take one more question, but We are as human beings We we are looking for solutions

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We're looking for answers I I remember, uh, I have a friend And i've told this story but it's been a long time since I told it of a friend who uh

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Was not a believer and found out that his son Was going to be born with some

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Pretty radical physical difficulties And he became depressed

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And not being a christian, what did he do? He went out and sought relief for his depression

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Well, you know alcohol wasn't enough Marijuana wasn't enough And eventually he found something that made him feel better and it was called heroin well

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Well over the course of time his son was born and his son was perfectly healthy

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But by that time The heroin had cost this man his house his job his wife

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The very son that he was so concerned about he wound up signing over for adoption when he was

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Uh found out he was going to be sentenced to 35 years to life he harbored bitterness

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He didn't really know better Talked to him now. You never met a more joyful person in your whole life

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Because even though from our viewpoint He lost everything He gained christ and that's the testimony of his life any other thoughts it really is

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Amazing again that we think that we have the right to hold on to Anger to hold on to bitterness when the bible is very clear.

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Let me read it again Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you.

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That is not optional no one

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Not one person in this room Well, let's put it this way

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If you're a christian here this morning and you're harboring bitterness anger You're sinning

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If you are not a christian this morning and you're harboring bitterness slander, etc in your hearts

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Then you need to repent and believe on the lord jesus christ even this morning You want to know well, how can

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I let the past go? How can I let bitterness go? You don't know my life. You don't know what's happened to me

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I don't know that What I do know is that there's nobody in this room that has more than No one in this room

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Who has you know more than 100 years left whatever you have and that's seeing that might seem like a really long time

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And then you die And it's eternity and it's eternity either in the presence of christ worshiping for him forever for what he has done for you

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Or apart from christ facing the full Unvarnished wrath of god We need to believe on the lord.

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Jesus christ his life his death his resurrection Let's pray father in heaven lord, we we struggle in our homes

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At work and even at church with bitterness and gossip and a desire to have other people validate our feelings to support us in our indignation father, no one

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Has a right to be indignant, but you And what did you do In response to the outrage of having your creations us rebel against you you sent your son to die in our place to bear our sin

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Father, let us live in light of that glorious truth in light of the glorious cross and all that it promises us

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Strengthen each one here that we might flee Bitterness so we might flee wrath and malice and slander and every ungodly thing every sin

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Make us a people who want to forgive Who want to imitate our father and be a forgiving

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Child or Follower of christ we pray these things in jesus name.