Myths of Marriage, "You can count on your relationships to go well apart from prayer"

Also, if you don't have any plans for Thanksgiving and you're not traveling back home or anything I know that's the reason why we have less people here than I usually do is because a lot of people are probably Traveling back home.

If you're not planning on traveling you don't have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with you're welcome to come to our place. That's at 866 Lakewood Drive or in Sunnyvale or yeah, I can give that to you later.

Also, if you forget what I just said. Anything else I need to mention? Okay, right and basically yeah, if you like the food today, but warmer. All right. Yeah, so we go through in these talks we go through myths about marriage.

Prayerlessness Is Presumptuousness

Today's myth is a myth that I don't think know the other myths that we've gone through are all things A lot of people believe openly. Today's myth is not something I think anyone Consciously believes any Christian consciously believes.

And it's not something that You would expect a Christian to ever say but it's something that many people live out in their life. Something that I'm willing to bet you very often. This lie affects your life.

And it's one that often affects mine and that is that you can count on your relationships to go well apart from prayer. Well, the fact is that prayerlessness is presumptuousness. It's presuming upon God.

The Christian is one who has come to God humility recognizes need for a season. He's one who? Yeah, and recognizing that meeting God's ability to fill that means goes to him in prayer. A prayerlessness is not becoming a Christian.

Yet many Christians go about prayerlessly. I've read a number of books on prayer a lot of them being older Puritan books on prayer and one thing that many people point out is that When someone black backs, but it's the first thing to go.

It's their private prayer life because no one's watching that. It's not everything else might look normal, but secretly they've stopped praying to the Lord. Now I think a lot of people might hear that and they might think well if that's the first sign then good I'm set I'll never backslide because I didn't have much of a prayer life private prayer life to begin with so that's the unfortunate condition of many people's lives and.

But I want to encourage you especially you this is this talk is going to be this message is mostly geared to those who have been Single for a longer time and have been are very discouraged in it. You know, this is this is in a large part I'm thinking of you when I when I have this message in mind.

Prayer as an Active Pursuit of Marriage

You should be earnestly seeking God in prayer about your desires for marriage or about Anything that is a perplexing your life. And so I want to give you five reasons that I think you especially as a single person should be praying to God very earnestly okay, and so the first one is it is a very active way to pursue marriage a lot of people think that Pursuing marriage is something you do passively right.

God just bring someone to you and the fact that's that is what he calls us to do is just to wait on the sovereignty of God and Expect someone to show up in your lap. That's not the way it works. It's not the way it works in Scripture you see Isaac or Abraham sent the servant to find a wife for Isaac across the known world.

It has a very active Ruth Goes and puts herself in Boaz's field, you know hoping to be noticed by him, you know, it's very active and People say things like well, you gotta you gotta let go and let God.

Or you gotta wait on the Lord. That's a scriptural phrase right there, right? Wait on the Lord. But what does wait on the Lord mean? Consider this verse Lamentations 325 the Lord is good to those who wait for him.

Okay, wait for him to the soul who seeks him waiting is seeking him. But what is seeking him? Then I turned my face. This is a Daniel 9. Then I turned my face to the Lord God seeking him by prayer and please for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes so Waiting on the Lord is seeking the Lord seeking the Lord is prayer.

And so put that syllogism together and what is waiting on the Lord waiting on the Lord is prayer. If you want to wait on the Lord, you have to do it actively you do it by seeking the Lord in prayer. It's very important that Had a Christians be earnestly seeking the Lord with their with their prayer life and not just a passively waiting for something to change.

Prayer as a Remedy for Anxiety

Secondly is a good way of dealing with anxiety. We've been doing this dinner for I don't know I guess 13 14 months now I've talked to a lot of people who are anxious over their relationship status and a lot of the relationships they've been in and their current condition and God has given us prayer as a means to deal with anxiety.

Okay, so so fill in. Answering these questions for me. All right, so if someone is They're skinny. They're not putting on any weight. In fact, they're losing a lot of weight and it's a point where it's what are they?

Not doing enough. Okay, and if you're not strong and you're very weak what are you not doing enough of. If you're getting bad grades on all your tests you failing all your tests, what are you not doing enough of study?

If you're overly anxious all the time, what are you not doing enough of? Praying if the answer is praying now, I know it's more complicated than that a lot of times there are very there are all kinds of things that affect someone's anxiety, but the the first answer to Anxiety is prayer.

It's prayer and a lot of times it is the very last thing. People do we live in a society that is just so anxious. It's just such a you know I didn't bring any statistics for you, but I'm sure I could find them about how anxious people are and We also live in a very prayerless generation.

Is it any surprise that those two are correlated? I think that here correlation does imply causation because that's what scripture says about anxiety. In fact, it says Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving.

Let your requests be made known to God. People deal with anxiety all kinds of ways, right? They go to friends. Okay, that's not terrible and they go to medication they go to You know role models that will affirm their Anxiety, you know, I find it interesting how many figures in entertainment Just really talk about their lack of mental health as though this is something like Just kind of noble to be vulnerable about.

I guess in a way, you know, that's that's understandable and relatable but I think the reason why a lot of people really appreciate that is because they're looking for not a solution to their issues but affirmation in their issues right and God has given us a way to actually address these things not just a ways to Not just palliative care so that you can you know Endure with the anxiety.

No, he's given us a way to actually address it and Yeah Next You as a single person should pray earnestly because for many people and I know it's not it's not the case for all but for many people singleness is a trial and the Bible speaks of trials in the book of James.

It says and let's dead. Excuse me counted I'll join my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds for you. Know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect.

You may be perfect and complete lacking nothing so God sends us trials in order to produce enough steadfastness in order to produce in us a Reliance on him and we're supposed to let this have its full effect now if You do not learn the lesson that you're supposed to learn through a trial should you expect the trial to end.

Really that's a very foolish thing to expect if the Bible has told us why give us trials what kind of change he's trying to produce in us. We don't actually Allow that to produce the change do we why would we expect it to ever go away?

It's like someone who thinks that they're going to be able to you know, just get through this class. They don't like by Not not studying not dealing with it. No, you're just gonna end up in summer school, right?

It's just going to go forever and ever until you finally pass that grade, right? And so that's how that's how God sends us trials. Now, I'm not saying that The way he will answer your prayer is exactly as you might anticipate when you first begin praying.

But the Lord answers prayers and he and he has told us what the purposes of trials are in our life. So we should We should pray Knowing that. Next I would argue that the Bible says that singles should be praying.

Singles Have a Special Obligation to Pray

Especially even more than married people now. That might be like a really surprising statement for you for me to say that singles are especially obligated to pray more than more than married people. But I have two passages to to make this argument for you.

The first of these is in first Timothy. So first Timothy 5 speaks of widows and it says. She who is truly a widow left all alone has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.

But she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. And so what is the mark of a widow who is worthy of support in the church? That's what this is asking. Well, it's one who really devotes herself to prayer.

And so the question is what does someone do if they're lonely if they don't have the family relationships filling up their time that one who? Is a mother or father would have What should be filling up their time?

And the answer is prayer. Okay, so someone who does not have the The togetherness that takes up so much time that the marriage does is especially obligated to use that time in prayer and we see the same thing suggested in In first Corinthians 7.

First Corinthians 7 says. I Want you to be free from anxieties the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things how to please his wife.

And his interests are divided and the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord how to be holy and body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things how to please her husband.

So This describes the married person the unmarried person married person is anxious about their spouse. You know, that's where the concerns lie. The unmarried person is anxious for the things of the Lord.

That's where their concerns lie. It's expected that if you don't have the family relationships of husband and wife of children to take care of if you don't have those particular relationships to attend to that you would have a special focus on your relationship with the Lord and How does that happen?

Not that this passage mentions prayer, but that is the obvious implication that it happens through prayer so if you've never considered that I would I would like to encourage you to think about the special obligation that you have as a single person to be especially engaged in prayer.

Prayer Is Powerful and Christ Intercedes for Us

Now the last reason it's a prayer is powerful prayer is powerful to answer your your your needs for for companionship for marriage. Whatever it is that good thing that God has laid on your heart. So let me give you That example that I mentioned earlier from Genesis.

And Genesis Abraham is sending a servant across the new world to look for a wife or Isaac. And he said Oh Lord God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master Abraham.

Behold I am standing by the spring of water and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Let the young one woman to whom I shall say Please let down your jar that I may drink and who shall say drink and water camels.

Let her be the one to whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac. By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master. Before he had finished speaking behold Rebekah who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah the wife of Nahor Abraham's brother came out with her water jar on her shoulder and I don't have to read the rest of the passage.

You can if you've never even heard before you know how it's going to go. She is going to do exactly what he had requested of the Lord. So this is a prayer for marriage. It's not his own marriage. It's the marriage of another but God Graciously answered that prayer does and how how little do we think of that power of God to answer prayer if we knew.

What it would take to answer just how little prayer it would take to answer some of our requests. Would we not Seek him all the more earnestly. Would we not immediately go to him and start? You know logging those minutes logging those hours, whatever it would take to seek the Lord's favor.

James 5 16 says the prayer of a righteous man has great power as it is working. Matthew 21 22 says that whatever you ask. If you if you ask in faith, it will be given you will be you will receive it and first John 5 1st John 5 14 through 15 says this.

Says. And this is the confidence that we have toward him that if we ask anything According to his will he hears us and if we know that if we know that he hears us and whatever we ask. We know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

Okay, so there's a there's a guarantee that if we seek him in faith, we will receive this is not you know. Sometimes this is this is always now. There are a lot of caveats to this. You know, you can't just say I want a million dollars.

You know James had said. We were looking at the book of James a minute ago. James says that. You know you asked to spend it on your on your selfish desires, right? There are a lot of things that God's not going to grant at least not the way you expect him to.

It's got to be something that's according to the will of God. It's got to be a prayer that comes from the the power of the Spirit. You have to be praying by the Spirit. You can't be praying Unbelievingly, it's something where you have to be persistent.

You know, God calls us to be persistent in prayer. Calls us to confess our sins to come to him with thanksgivings. You know, these are these are things that are needed in prayer. I'm not saying that's a magic wand where you say the magic phrase and you get whatever you want.

But he has guaranteed that if we bring to him the things that are according to his will the way that he has told us to that these things will be answered and Why do we not seek him in prayer more? I would suggest it's because we don't believe that it's going to be answered.

You don't see the effects right away and you just it just doesn't seem that powerful but let me tell you I know that prayer is powerful. I've seen it very powerful. I can think of two times in particular in my life where I was driven to much prayer you know more than I'd like to think that prayer was a big part of my life, but There were two times where it's driven to just Much much prayer and each of those times God really wonderfully answered.

One had to do with a with the church situation and he just really once again. You know He really answered and the other had to do it when I first met Sarah when I first met Sarah. She was an unbeliever and I I was really impressed with her as a person.

I was very concerned for his soul and I Prayed so much to God to save her and he did and I say so much. But it really wasn't that much it really was just it was just so much compared to my normal prayers.

Which were not much right. God is so kind and gracious and with so little from us. Nothing, just earnestly seeking him in prayer. He grants these things not on the basis of our hard work and prayer or anything like that.

But on the basis of his son through whom we go to him in prayer. Him desiring to do what is good for us and what is good for us involves us. Learning the humility us learning the the trust and reliance that comes through the activity of prayer.

Pray Scripture and Remember Christ's Intercession

And so maybe you're thinking well, how do I? Spend you know more than I don't know just the perfunctory prayers that I have in the morning or evening or right before my meals. How do I spend more time in prayer?

There there are a lot of different things I could suggest and I didn't intend to come here and go through a whole workshop on on how to pray, but there are a couple of couple of Suggestions I want to give well actually just one suggestion that you pray Along with scripture and there's so much scripture to pray and you'll never run out of run out of material.

So Let's consider two different Passages that you could pray through one is one is the Lord's Prayer. Okay, so When asked how should we pray? I always find it astounding when Jesus gave a straight answer to that question.

There's so many questions. He doesn't give a straight answer. It's something like how should we pray is gonna be like, you don't already know, you know. Then give some parable that we have to like a really study to figure out.

I know he just straight-up gives a prayer and there you have it for you. And so you can pray along with that you can Our Father who is in heaven. God you are a good father and you care for me and I know that you have my best interest in mind as your son and I'm trusting you today to To do what is good.

How would be how would be your name? God, I pray that your name would be hallowed in my life's life and in the lives of others. I Know that you have created marriage as a good thing that you are glorified through and I would love to have the privilege of Glorifying you through the gift that you have given a marriage.

And you can go on and on you know daily bread your needs right and and this is a need for companionship that God has built in humanity right or Keep us not keep us from temptation. First Corinthians 7 talks about it's better to marry and to burn your passion.

You know as a danger for for single people to burn and passion that has no outlet that marriage provides. Right, so you can pray that God would keep you from that temptation. So there's so much That you can pray along with with the Lord's Prayer and then you can pray along with the Psalms and if this is uh, This might be something that there's been like a revival in this lately.

So this might be something that you're fairly aware of but if you've never heard about this before let me give you two passages that says this is not a Just a mystical way of thinking about prayer like this is this is something we actually see evidence in Scripture.

One is on the cross Jesus said in Aramaic Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani, right which is my God my God why have you forsaken me? He's calling out to God with the words Psalm 22, right? So he is he is praying the psalm in that moment.

Another one is Acts 4. Acts 4 the disciples say When they were released they went to their friends and reported what the chief priests and the elders had said to them. And when they heard it, they lifted their voices together and God said To God and said Sovereign Lord who made the heaven and earth and the sea and everything in them.

Who threw the mouth of David our father your servant said by the Holy Spirit and Some of these phrases who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in it. A lot of people think that that's coming from Psalm 146.

Who threw the mouth of our father David your servant said by the Holy Spirit. Why did the Gentiles rage in the people's plot in vain the kings of the earth set themselves and the rulers were gathered together Against the Lord and against his anointed great God, you know multiple verses of Psalm 2 there.

For truly in the city there were gathered together against your Holy Servant Jesus whom you anointed with Herod and Pontius Pilate. With the Gentiles the peoples of Israel to do whatever your hand your plan had predestined to take place.

And now Lord look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your words with all boldness. When you stretch out your hand to heal and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your Holy Servant Jesus.

And when they had prayed the place in which they were gathered together was shaken. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the Word of God with boldness. So why were the Psalms given?

You know, I didn't I didn't understand as a kid I thought I've really thought of the Bible as a theology textbook and I did not understand why God would put all these Psalms that you know people tend to find beautiful, but I wasn't really figuring out what I was supposed to get out of them.

No, they are way. Well, first of all, they have tons of theology actually if you study Old systems of doctrine like the Westminster Confession if you've ever heard that look at the number of verses quoted the Number one book that is quoted is Romans.

The second book that is quoted in the citations is the Psalms. So actually it is full of doctrine first of all. But then secondly, yeah, it was given as a songbook as a way of voicing your heart to God.

Why does he gives us songs so that we can? Emotionally with with words that are appropriate speak to him and What is praying and speaking to God emotionally with the words that are appropriate? And so The disciples guided by the psalm that they felt applied to this particular situation.

Considering how the nation's rage against God's anointed and seeing how that applied to Jesus right that He is the fulfillment of that passage. They voice their concern to God through the words of the Psalms and you can do that as well.

Now it might not be that your situation is the precise prophetic fulfillment Of any particular song. In fact, it won't be but they are still Words that are given to us to express our hearts to God so for example.

And I chose this song somewhat randomly to show how this can apply to you know. Any song you look at the Psalms lament you pray laments with them, right? You look at Psalms of rejoicing you rejoice with them.

You allow scripture to tell you how you should feel and you you you go with it right now. Obviously, I'm not saying you should Just manipulate your own emotions, but you know if you were feeling thoughts of lament, you know.

Maybe go to a lament song and have scripture shape your lament the way it should be shaped. Psalm 87. The psalm of the sons of Korah a song and the Holy Mount stands the city. The Lord loves the gates of Zion more than all the dwelling places of Jacob.

Glorious things of you are spoken a city of our God. And so you could look at this and you could understand what the New Testament says about Zion that the fulfillment of Zion is in the church. Right, the New Testament frequently speaks of the church in terms of Zion.

You could say God you have created wonderful people you've made a family that is far better than all the biological families of the earth and. Thank you for giving that to us. Thank you for giving that to me and that I can have whatever I need in that.

Regardless of how lonely I may be in other situations that you have given this companionship among brothers. However, I ask that you would even expand that you would expand that by allowing. By by bringing someone into my life who could build me up in the faith.

Mature the the temple that you are building stone by stone brick by brick. I pray that you would do these things. Among those who know me I mentioned Rahab in Babylon behold Philistia and Tyre with Cush.

This one was born there. They say and of Zion it shall be said this one and that one were born in her for the Most High himself will establish Her. The Lord records as he registers the people this one was born there.

God I thank you that I'm counted as being born in Zion though. I'm nowhere near Jerusalem. I'm nowhere. That I I am NOT a native citizen of the heavenly city. I am a I'm an immigrant. I thank you for for counting me among them and I pray that that truth would resonate in my life in such a way that I I feel the companionship of my brothers and sisters and even the.

As it says in Hebrews 12 the heavenly assembly the saints and angels. That that would be a companionship a spiritual sense of solidarity that would help me endure during this particular season. Singers and dancers alike say all my springs are in you.

God you are everything I need. I thank you that you have supplied all my needs. I ask that you would continue to supply my needs. You know what they are even better than I do you care for my good even better than I do so I ask that you would supply all my needs and Looking at your scripture, I see that it is good.

It's not good for a man to be alone. I pray that you would fill this particular request. In Jesus' name, Amen. So this is just a you know, one short psalm if you're. You know if your prayers are dry because you just say the thing you want and then you don't know what else to say.

God has given us a way of shaping our emotions, right? And that's the words of this book and particularly the words of the Psalms. So I would encourage you to do that if you're finding your prayers dry or short and don't know what that don't know what to do so a couple of things I want to say just about the importance of prayer and relationship and Power before we close up here is in Ephesians.

Spiritual Warfare, Christ's Intercession, and Closing Prayer

Ephesians chapter 5 Paul talks about relationships, right? He talks about the wives getting along with their husbands. He talks about Children getting along with their parents and parents getting along with their children.

He talks about masters and servants getting along with one another and. So he talks about all The importance of Christians having good relationships. And then what does he say right after that? Right after that he says finally be strong in the Lord and the strength of his might put on the whole armor of God.

Etc, etc, right? If you know this passage, you know how it ends. It ends and taking and take the helmet of salvation the sword of spirit. Which is the Word of God praying at all times in the spirit with all prayer and supplication.

That end keep alert with all perseverance making a supplication for all the Saints. So how are we to fight the spiritual battle that? Which relationships are such a huge part of which appropriate relationships healthy relationships is such a part of the answer to prayer.

Supposed to put on the spiritual armor and then having done that spiritual armor was supposed to go to God in prayer and so if you are Yeah, one who has been struggling with Your situation as a single, you know pursuing marriage and frustrated by Whatever you've seen God do or not seen God do.

Go to him in prayer. He answers he answers prayers. They are very powerful. Once again, this is not on the basis of our own works. It was on or our own. You know efforts in prayers rather is on the basis of the Sun.

It says in Hebrews. Hebrews 5 17. Excuse me 5 7 it says in the days of slush Jesus offered up prayers and supplications. With loud cries and tears to him who was able to save him from death and he was heard because of his reverence.

So when Jesus was in the garden and he prayed to God. He was praying he's praying this cup be taken away from him now in a sense, you know. The cup wasn't taken away from him. He bore the wrath of God on the cross.

But in a sense it was because he did not he did not. He did not remain in the grave. He did not stay dead forever and this passage here speaks of the power of his prayer and how we are Reliant on his prayer for our life because God answered it in the days of his weakness.

He called out to God and God answered and brought him to life. We have the guarantee that our prayers are heard by that same powers by the power of Christ prayers that our prayers are heard. It's not it's not we called little me who God's listening to right?

It's his son that in him. My prayers are perfectly heard because he's not going to reject his son. He would never reject his son for anything. He raised him from the dead and in him He raises all of us from the dead as well.

He will when we when we pass and Jesus comes again. We'll be raised from the dead and Romans. Romans 834 says who is to condemn Christ? Jesus is the one who died more than that who is raised was at the right hand of God who is indeed interceding for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? The answer is none of those because Jesus Christ is at the right hand of God.

Sitting there in a place of power a place of nearness his father and he is interceding for us. He is Praying the things that we desire are Imperfect prayers that are coming from imperfect hearts that are imperfectly worded.

He's taking all those and Then perfecting them and offering them to God and they will never be rejected. Not not one of them and so that is the assurance that you have as you go to him in prayer. You know do not look at prayer something that's that's powerless.

It's not worth your time. Don't believe those lies even if you'd never think of consciously or utter them, you know don't live a life that believes that lie, right believe the truth that prayers are powerful and Especially as one who is single pursuing marriage is something a wonderful to be praying for.

Let me go ahead and with that pray for you all now. Dear Heavenly Father we thank you for your word and how it gives us guidance and everything. We thank you for the access we have to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.

His shed blood is so precious and we ask that you would fill our minds with this important thought that we would not Lose appreciation or the joy of the Spirit that comes from knowing what Christ has done for us.

And God, I pray that you would give us The right kind of faith that would seek you in prayer and whatever the circumstances may be especially for those things which are the trials that remind us of the Of our need for trusting in you in Jesus name.

Amen. All right. Yeah, I encourage you all, you know, if you've just been talking to people every.