Myths of Marriage, "You can count on your relationships to go well apart from prayer"

Also, if you don't have any plans for Thanksgiving and you're not traveling back home or anything

I know that's the reason why we have less people here than I usually do is because a lot of people are probably Traveling you're not planning on traveling.

You don't have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with you're welcome to come to our place That's an 866

Lakewood Drive or in Sunnyvale or yeah, I can give that to you later

Also, if you forget what I just said Anything else I need to mention? Okay, right and basically yeah, if you like the food today, but warmer

All right Yeah, so we go through in these talks we go through myths about marriage

Today's myth is a myth that I don't think the other myths that we've gone through are all things that a lot of people believe openly

Today's myth is not something I think anyone Consciously believes any Christian consciously believes

And it's not something that You would expect a Christian to ever say, but it's something that many people live out their life

Something that I'm willing to bet you very often This lie affects your life

And it's one that often affects mine and that is that you can count on your relationships to go well apart from prayer

Well, the fact is that prayerlessness is presumptuousness It's presuming upon God The Christian is one who has come to God and humility recognizes his need for a

Savior. He's one who Yeah, in recognizing that need and God's ability to fill that need goes to him in prayer

A prayerlessness is not becoming of a Christian Yet many Christians go about prayerlessly

I've read a number of books on prayer a lot of them being older Puritan books on prayer and one thing that many people point out is that When someone backslides the first thing to go is their private prayer life because no one's watching that It's not everything else might look normal, but secretly they've stopped praying to the

Lord Now I think a lot of people might hear that and they might think well if that's the first sign then good

I'm set I'll never backslide because I didn't have much of a private prayer life to begin with so that's the unfortunate condition of many people's lives and But I want to encourage you especially you this is this talk is going to be this message is mostly geared to those who have been

Single for a longer time and have been are very discouraged and this is this is in a large part

I'm thinking of you when I when I have this message in mind You should be earnestly seeking

God in prayer about your desires for marriage or about Anything that is a perplexing your life

And so I want to give you five reasons. I think you especially as a single person should be praying to God very earnestly

Okay, and so the first one is it is a very active way to pursue marriage a lot of people think that Pursuing marriage is something you do passively right

God just bring someone to you and the fact that's that is what he calls us to do is just to wait on the sovereignty of God and Expect someone to show up in your lap.

That's not the way it works. It's not the way it works in Scripture you see Isaac or Abraham sent the servant to find a wife for Isaac across the known world as a very active

Ruth Goes and puts herself in Boaz's field, you know hoping to be noticed by him, you know, it's very active and People say things like well, you gotta let go and let

God Or you gotta wait on the Lord. That's a scriptural phrase right there, right? Wait on the Lord.

But what does wait on the Lord mean? Consider this verse

Lamentations 325 the Lord is good to those who wait for him Okay, wait for him to the soul who seeks him waiting is seeking him

But what is seeking him? Then I turned my face

This is a Daniel 9 Then I turned my face to the Lord God seeking him by prayer and pleased for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes so Waiting on the

Lord is seeking the Lord seeking the Lord his prayer And so put that syllogism together and what is waiting on the

Lord waiting on the Lord his prayer if you want to wait on The Lord you have to do it actively you do it by seeking the Lord in prayer

It's very important that Had it Christians be earnestly seeking the

Lord with their with their prayer life and not just passively waiting for something to change

Secondly is a good way of dealing with anxiety. We've been doing this dinner for I don't know

I guess 13 14 months now I've talked to a lot of people who are anxious over their relationship status and love the relationships they've been in and their current condition and God has given us prayer as a means to deal with anxiety

Okay, so so fill in there answering these questions for me. All right, so if someone is

They're skinny. They're not putting on any weight. In fact, they're losing a lot of weight and it's a point where it's

What are they not doing enough of? Okay, and if you're not strong and you're very weak what are you not doing enough of If you're getting bad grades on all your tests you failing all your tests, what are you not doing enough of?

If you're overly anxious all the time, what are you not doing enough of? Praying if the answer is praying now,

I know it's more complicated than that a lot of times there are very there are all kinds of things that affect someone's anxiety, but The the first answer to anxiety is prayer

It's prayer and a lot of times it is the very last thing that people do we live in a society that is just So anxious, it's just such a you know

I didn't bring any statistics for you, but I'm sure I could find them about how anxious people are and We also live in a very prayerless generation.

Is it any surprise that those two are correlated? I think that here correlation does imply causation because that's what the scripture says about anxiety.

In fact, it says I do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving

Let your requests be made known to God People deal with anxiety all kinds of ways, right?

They go to friends. Okay, that's not terrible. I think of medication to go to You know role models that will affirm their

Anxiety, you know, I find it interesting how many figures and entertainment Just really talk about their lack of mental health as though this is something like Just kind of noble to be vulnerable about I guess in a way, you know, that's that's understandable and relatable but I think the reason why a lot of people really appreciate that is because they're looking for not a solution to their issues but affirmation in their issues, right and God has given us a way to actually address these things not just ways to Not just palliative care so that you can you know

Endure with the anxiety. No, he's given us a way to actually address it and Yeah by relying on him

Next You as a single person should pray earnestly because for many people and I know it's not it's not the case for all but for many people singleness is a trial and the

Bible speaks of trials in the book of James It says and let stead excuse me

Count it all join my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds for you Know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect

You may be perfect and complete lacking nothing so God sends us trials in order to produce enough steadfastness in order to produce in us a

Reliance on him and we're supposed to let this have its full effect now if You do not learn the lesson that you're supposed to learn through a trial should you expect the trial to end

Really that's a very foolish thing to expect if the Bible has told us why give us trials what kind of change he's trying to produce in us

We don't actually Allow that to produce the change do we why would we expect it to ever go away?

It's like someone who thinks that they're going to be able to you know, just get through this class. They don't like by Not not studying not dealing with it.

No, you're just gonna end up in summer school, right? It's just going to go forever and ever until you finally pass that grade, right?

And so that's how that's how God sends us trials. Now. I'm not saying that The way he will answer your prayer is exactly as you might anticipate when you first begin praying

But the Lord answers prayers and he and he has told us what the purposes of trials are in our life.

So we should We should pray knowing that Next I would argue that the

Bible says that singles should be praying Especially even more than married people now

That might be like a really surprising statement for you for me to say that singles are especially obligated to pray more than more than married people

But I have two passages to to make this argument for you The first of these is in first Timothy So first Timothy 5 speaks of widows and it says

She who is truly a widow left all alone has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day

But she who is self -indulgent is dead even while she lives And so what is the mark of a widow who is worthy of support in the church?

That's what this is asking Well, it's one who really devotes herself to prayer And so the question is what does someone do if they are lonely if they don't have the family

Relationships filling up their time that one who is a mother or a father would have What should be filling up their time?

And the answer is prayer. Okay, so someone who does not have the the togetherness that takes up so much time that the marriage does is especially obligated to use that time in prayer and we see the same thing suggested in first Corinthians 7 first Corinthians 7 says

Let's see I want you to be free from Anxieties the unmarried man is anxious about the things of the

Lord how to please the Lord But the married man is anxious about worldly things how to please his wife Those interests are divided and the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the

Lord How to be holy and body and spirit But the married woman is anxious about worldly things how to please her husband

So This describes the married person the unmarried person married person is anxious about their spouse, you know, that's where the concerns lie

The unmarried person is anxious for the things of the Lord. That's where their concerns lie It's expected that if you don't have

The family relationships of husband and wife of children to take care of if you don't have those particular relationships to attend to that you would have a special focus on your relationship with the

Lord and How does that happen? Not that this passage mentions prayer, but that is the obvious implication that it happens through prayer so if you've never considered that I would

I would like to encourage you to think about the special obligation that you have as a single person to be especially engaged in prayer

Now the last reason it's a prayer is powerful prayer is powerful to answer your your your needs for for companionship for marriage

Whatever it is that good thing that God has laid on your heart. So let me give you

That example that I mentioned earlier from Genesis And Genesis Abraham is sending a servant across the new world to look for a wife for Isaac And he said

Oh Lord God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show steadfast love to my master

Abraham Behold I am standing by the spring of water and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water

Let the young one woman to whom I shall say Please let down your jar that I may drink and who shall say drink and water camels

Let her be the one to whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac By this I shall know that you have shown steadfast love to my master

Before he had finished speaking behold Rebekah who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah the wife of Nahor Abraham's brother came out with her water jar on her shoulder and I don't have to read the rest of the passage

You can if you've never even heard it before you know how it's going to go She is going to do exactly what he had requested of the

Lord. So this is a prayer for marriage. It's not his own marriage It's the marriage of another but God Graciously answered that prayer does and how how little do we think of that power of God to answer prayer if we knew

What it would take to answer just how little prayer it would take to answer some of our requests.

Would we not Seek him all the more earnestly. Would we not immediately go to him and start, you know

Logging those minutes logging those hours, whatever it would take to seek the Lord's favor James 5 16 says the prayer of a righteous man has great power as it is working

Matthew 21 22 says that whatever you ask If you if you ask in faith, it will be given you will be you will receive it and 1st

John 5 1st John 5 14 through 15 says this

It says And this is the confidence that we have toward him that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us

And if we know that if we know that he hears us and whatever we ask We know that we have the requests that we have asked of him

Okay, so there's a there's a guarantee that if we seek him in faith, we will receive this is not you know

Sometimes this is this is always now there are a lot of caveats to this, you know You can't just say

I want a million dollars You know James had said We were looking at the book of James a minute ago.

James says that You know you asked to spend it on your on your selfish desires, right? There are a lot of things that God's not going to grant at least not the way you expect him to It's got to be something that's according to the will of God It's got to be a prayer that comes from the the power of the

Spirit. You have to be praying by the Spirit You can't be praying Unbelievably, it's something where you have to be persistent, you know,

God calls us to be persistent in prayer Calls us to confess our sins to come to him with thanksgivings.

You know, these are these are things that are needed in prayer I'm not saying it's a magic wand where you say the magic phrase and you get whatever you want

But he has guaranteed that if we bring to him the things that are according to his will the way that he has told us to that these things will be answered and Why do we not seek him in prayer more?

I would suggest it's because we don't believe that it's going to be answered It's not you don't see the effects right away and you just it just doesn't seem that powerful

But let me tell you I know that prayer is powerful. I've seen it be very powerful I can think of two times in particular in my life where I was driven to much prayer you know more than I'd like to think that prayer was a big part of my life, but There were two times where I was driven to just Much much prayer and each of those times

God really wonderfully answered One had to do with a with a church situation and he just really once again

You know he really answered and the other had to do it when I first met Sarah when I first met Sarah she was an unbeliever and I I was really impressed with her as a person.

I was very concerned for his soul and I Prayed so much to God to save her and he did and I say so much

But it really wasn't that much it really was just it was just so much compared to my normal prayers

Which were not much right God is so kind and gracious and with so little from us

Nothing, just earnestly seeking him in prayer He grants these things not on the basis of our hard work and prayer or anything like that But on the basis of his son through whom we go to him in prayer

Him desiring to do what is good for us and what is good for us involves us Learning the humility us learning the the trust and reliance that comes through the activity of prayer

And so maybe you're thinking well, how do I? Spend you know more than I don't know just the perfunctory prayers that I have in the morning or evening or right before my meals

How do I spend more time in prayer? There there are a lot of different things I could suggest and I didn't intend to come here and go through a whole workshop on on how to pray, but there are a couple of couple of Suggestions I want to give well actually just one suggestion that you pray

Along with scripture and there's so much scripture to pray and you will never run out of run out of material.

So Let's consider two different Passages that you could pray through one is one is the

Lord's Prayer. Okay, so When asked, how should we pray? I always find it astounding when

Jesus gave a straight answer to that question There's so many questions that he doesn't give a straight answer It's something like how should we pray is gonna be like, you know already know

Then give some parable that we have to like really study to figure out I know he just straight up gives a prayer and there you have it for you

And so you can pray along with that you can Our Father who is in heaven

God you are a good father and you care for me and I know that you have my best interest in mind as your son and I'm trusting you today to To do what is good

How would be how would be your name? God, I pray that your name would be hallowed in my life's life and in the lives of others.

I Know that you have created marriage as a good thing that you are glorified through and I would love to have the privilege of Glorifying you through the gift that you have given a marriage

And you can go on and on you know daily bread your needs right and and this is a need for companionship that God has built in humanity

Right or keep us not keep us from temptation First Corinthians 7 talks about it's better to marry and to burn your passion

You know as a danger for for single people to burn and passion that has no outlet that marriage provides

Right so you can pray that God would keep you from that temptation so there's so much that you can pray along with with the

Lord's Prayer and then you can pray along with the Psalms and if this is uh This might be something that there's been like a revival in this lately

So this might be something that you're fairly aware of but if you've never heard about this before let me give you two passages that shows this is not a

Just a mystical way of thinking about prayer like this is this is something we actually see evidence in Scripture One is on the cross

Jesus said in Aramaic Eloi Eloi lema sabachthani right which is my God my God why have you forsaken me.

He's calling out to God with the words Psalm 22 right so he is he is praying the psalm in that moment

Another one is Acts 4 Acts 4 the disciples say

When they were released they went to their friends and reported what the chief priests and the elders had said to them

And when they heard it, they lifted their voices together and God said to God and said

Sovereign Lord who made the heaven and earth and the sea and everything in them who threw the mouth of David our father your servant said by the

Holy Spirit and Some of these phrases who made heaven and earth and sea and everything in it a lot of people think that that's coming from Psalm 146

Who threw the mouth of our father David your servant said by the Holy Spirit Why did the Gentiles rage in the people's plot in vain the kings of the earth set themselves and the rulers were gathered together

Against the Lord and against his anointed. We've got you know multiple verses of Psalm 2 there

For truly in the city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus whom you anointed with Herod and Pontius Pilate With the

Gentiles the peoples of Israel to do whatever your hand your plan had predestined to take place And now

Lord look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your words with all boldness

When you stretch out your hand to heal and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant

Jesus And when they had prayed the place in which they were gathered together was shaken

They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the Word of God with boldness So why were the

Psalms given, you know, I didn't I didn't understand as a kid I thought I've really thought of the

Bible as a theology textbook and I did not understand why God would put all these

Psalms that you know people tend to find beautiful, but I wasn't really figuring out what

I was supposed to get out of them No, they are way. Well, first of all, they have tons of theology.

Actually if you study Old systems of doctrine like the Westminster Confession if you've ever heard that look at the number of verses quoted the

Number one book that is quoted is Romans the second book that is quoted in the citations is the Psalms So actually it is full of doctrine first of all

But then secondly, yeah, it was given as a songbook as a way of voicing your heart to God Why does he gives us songs so that we can?

emotionally with with words that are appropriate speak to him and What is praying and speaking to God emotionally with the words that are appropriate and so?

The disciples guided by the psalm that they felt applied to this particular situation

Considering how the nation's rage against God's anointed and seeing how that applied to Jesus right that He is the fulfillment of that passage

They voice their concern to God through the words of the Psalms and you can do that as well

Now it might not be that your situation is the precise prophetic fulfillment Of any particular song in fact, it won't be but they are still

Words that are given to us to express our hearts to God so for example

And I chose this song somewhat randomly to show how this can apply to you know

Any song you look at the Psalms lament you pray laments with them, right? You look at Psalms of rejoicing you rejoice with them

You allow scripture to tell you how you should feel and you you go with it right now

Obviously, I'm not saying you should Just manipulate your own emotions, but you know if you are feeling thoughts of lament

You know, maybe go to a lament song and have scripture shape your lament the way it should be shaped

Psalm 87 The psalm of the sons of Korah a song and the Holy Mount stands the city

The Lord loves the gates of Zion more than all the dwelling places of Jacob Glorious things of you are spoken the city of our

God And so you could look at this and you could understand what the New Testament says about Zion that the fulfillment of Zion is in the church

Right, the New Testament frequently speaks of the church in terms of Zion. You could say God you have created wonderful people you've made a family that is far better than all the biological families of the earth and Thank you for giving that to us

Thank you for giving that to me and that I can have whatever I need in that Regardless of how lonely

I may be in other situations that you have given this companionship among brothers However, I ask that you would even expand that you would expand that by allowing

By by bringing someone into my life who could build me up in the faith Mature the the temple that you are building stone by stone brick by brick.

I pray that you would do these things Among those who know me I mentioned Rahab in Babylon behold

Philistia and Tyre with Cush This one was born there They say and of Zion it shall be said this one and that one were born in her for the

Most High himself will establish Her the Lord records as he registers the people this one was born there

God I thank you that I'm counted as being born in Zion though. I'm nowhere near Jerusalem.

I'm nowhere That I am NOT a native citizen of the heavenly city. I am a

I'm an immigrant I thank you for for counting me among them and I pray that that truth would resonate in my life in such a way that I I feel the companionship of my brothers and sisters and even the

As it says in Hebrews 12 the heavenly assembly the saints and angels

That that would be a companionship a spiritual sense of solidarity that would help me endure during this particular season

Singers and dancers alike say all my springs are in you God you are everything

I need. I thank you that you have supplied all my needs I ask that you would continue to supply my needs

You know what they are even better than I do You care for my good even better than I do. So I ask that you would supply my needs and Looking at your scripture.

I see that it is good. It's not good for a man to be alone I pray that you would fill this particular request in Jesus' name.

Amen So this is just a you know, one short song if you're You know, if your prayers are dry because you just say the thing you want and then you don't know what else to say

God has given us a way of shaping our emotions, right? And that's the words of this book and particularly the words of the

Psalms So I would encourage you to do that if you're finding your prayers dry or short and don't know what that don't know what to do so a couple of things

I want to say just about the importance of prayer and relationship and Power before we close up here is in Ephesians Ephesians chapter 5

Paul talks about relationships, right? He talks about the wives getting along with their husbands. He talks about Children getting along with their parents and parents getting along with the children.

He talks about masters and servants getting along with one another and So he talks about all

The importance of Christians having good relationships and then what does he say right after that?

Right after that he says finally be strong in the Lord and the strength of his might put on the whole armor of God Etc, etc, right if you know this passage, you know how it ends

It ends and taking and take the helmet of salvation the sword of the Spirit Which is the Word of God pray at all times in the spirit with all prayer and supplication

That end keep alert with all perseverance making a supplication for all the Saints. So how are we to fight the spiritual battle that?

Which relationships are such a huge part of which appropriate relationships healthy relationships is such a part of the answer to prayer

Supposed to put on the spiritual armor and then having done that spiritual armor. We're supposed to go to God in prayer and so if you are

You know one who has been struggling with Your situation as a single, you know pursuing marriage and frustrated by Whatever you've seen

God do or not seen God do Go to him in prayer. He answers he answers prayers.

They are very powerful Once again, this is not on the basis of our own works. It was on or our own

You know efforts in prayers rather is on the basis of the Sun It says in Hebrews Hebrews 5 17

Excuse me 5 7 it says in the days of slush Jesus offered up prayers and supplications With loud cries and tears to him who was able to save him from death and he was heard because of his reverence

So when Jesus was in the garden and he prayed to God He was praying he's praying this copy taken away from him now in a sense, you know

The cup wasn't taken away from him. He bore the wrath of God on the cross But in a sense it was because he did not he did not

He did not remain in the grave he did not stay dead forever and this passage here speaks of the power of his prayer and how we

Are reliant on his prayer for our life because God answered it in the days of his weakness

He called out to God and God answered and brought him to life We have the guarantee that our prayers are heard by that same powers by the power of Christ prayers that our prayers are heard

It's not it's not we called little me who God's listening to right? It's his son that in him.

My prayers are perfectly heard because he's not going to reject his son He would never reject his son for anything.

He raised him from the dead and in him He raises all of us from the dead as well. He will when we when we pass and Jesus comes again

We'll be raised from the dead And Romans Romans 834 says who is to condemn

Christ? Jesus is the one who died more than that who is raised was at the right hand of God who is indeed interceding for us

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

The answer is none of those because Jesus Christ is at the right hand of God Sitting there in a place of power a place of nearness his father and he is interceding for us

He is praying the things that we desire are Imperfect prayers that are coming from imperfect hearts that are imperfectly worded.

He's taking all those and Then perfecting them and offering them to God and they will never be rejected

Not not one of them and so that is the assurance that you have as you go to him in prayer You know do not look at prayer something that's that's powerless.

It's not worth your time Don't believe those lies even if you'd never think of consciously or utter them, you know don't live a life that believes that lie, right believe the truth that prayers are powerful and Especially as one who is single pursuing marriage is something a wonderful to be praying for Let me go ahead and with that pray for you all now

Dear Heavenly Father We thank you for your word and how it gives us guidance and everything we thank you for the access we have to the throne

Of grace through Jesus Christ His shed blood is so precious and we ask that you would fill our minds with this important thought that we would not

Lose appreciation or the joy of the spirit that comes from knowing what Christ has done for us

And God, I pray that you would give us The right kind of faith that would seek you in prayer and whatever the circumstances may be especially for those things which are the trials that remind us of the

Of our need for trusting in you in Jesus name. Amen All right, yeah,