TLP 596: What Does Having a Prodigal Say about Your Parenting?

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I want to dissuade you from not even trying, simply because you can't know for sure.

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God expects us to consider questions like these, even though we can't see the heart. Parenting isn't about us.

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In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way Christian dads and moms are to worship

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God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

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God the preeminence in their parenting. Welcome to the show. Today we're going to do something a little different.

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I've said in the past how the Truth, Love, Parent episode is like the first half of a biblical counseling session, where we focus on truth.

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Now, the second half would entail applying that truth specifically to your life and your needs, but we all know that these episodes lack one very important element, and that's conversation, the exchange of ideas.

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So, basically, all we're doing is we're simply just hearing the truth, but not able to get specific to your application of that.

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Therefore, my teaching and application subsequently are always much broader than it would be if you and I were to sit down together in a one -on -one conversation.

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Still, God's word never returns void. And with the illumination of the Holy Spirit, there is always hope and power and spiritual victory to be had.

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That's why I try to spend so much time reading and explaining the scriptures. But today, there might not be as much scripture reading, and I want to tell you why before we get started.

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Luke 15, 11 -32 presents a parable commonly known as the Prodigal Son. It's the only time in the

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New Testament this parable is recorded, and though it has much truth for the prodigal, the parents, and the siblings, the parable wasn't primarily told in order to give guidance on family issues.

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It's pointing to far more important spiritual realities. And though the rest of the Bible has many examples of rebellious children, good parenting, poor parenting, spiritually victorious families, and everything in between, there aren't any passages that deal specifically with the topic we're going to discuss today and would apply to every parent of a prodigal.

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Now, that's not to say that the Bible doesn't have the truth you need if you're the parent of a prodigal. It's that each family is unique in their experience with their prodigals.

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Because of that, I could open any number of passages and unearth many powerful truths and applications that would be helpful for only a fraction of you.

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But others of you would say, yeah, that's nice, but that doesn't apply to me. So what I want to do today is have a one -sided conversation, but one with which you need to participate.

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I want to ask questions that will get you thinking about your situation in the most biblical terms possible so that you, using the scriptural expectations as the guide, can answer the questions and know how best to move forward.

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As usual, there will be free episode notes, a transcript, and related resources linked for you in the description of this episode to help you work through these questions, find the answers, and know how to address the unique problems you're facing.

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And for those of you who don't currently have what we call a quote -unquote prodigal in the family, I would strongly encourage you to continue listening.

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Not because I'm saying you're destined to have one, but because whether or not you have a prodigal, you need to be able to have confidence that you know the answers to these questions.

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So let's dive right in. I'm not going to read the parable of the prodigal son, but I will define what kind of child we're talking about.

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1. Do you have a prodigal? The English word prodigal doesn't show up in most modern translations of the

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Bible. In fact, it's not even in the King James. It does show up in the New King James, though, in Luke 15, verse 13, where it reads,

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The younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living.

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This is the only time in the Bible where this particular Greek word is used, and it's interesting to see how the other translations handle that word.

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The KJV uses the word riotous, the NIV calls it wild living, the ESV says reckless, the

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NASB refers to it as loose living, and the Legacy Standard Bible calls it living recklessly. Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary says the word means wastefully, and I'm a huge fan of the word profligately.

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I share all of that to help us understand what we should think when we read or hear the word prodigal. Technically, a prodigal is someone who wastes.

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It may very well be their money and possessions, but secondary waste always grows from primary waste, and the primary waste that all prodigals have in common is the waste of their spiritual opportunities.

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That may involve the truth that they've been taught, but also generally involves all of the opportunities to worship God and obey

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Him. In an episode entitled, Reducing Waste in Your Home, we talk about the fact that God hates waste, and we talk about practical ways to reduce the three biggest wastes in the average

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American home, food waste, resource waste, and most importantly, truth waste.

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But like so many of the parables that were given names after the scriptures were written, prodigal probably isn't the best word to describe this young man.

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Yes, he was profligate in how he treated his resources, but his main issues ran much deeper.

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When he left his home, this young man was selfish and arrogant. We see that clearly from the text. Later, he proved to be increasingly foolish.

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We can probably rightly assume that he was also disobedient, lustful, lacking in self -control.

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His speech was probably not seasoned with salt. He wasn't being the light of God to the people in his life.

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There was very likely drunkenness involved. He was probably very stubborn, rebellious, potentially even a scoffer.

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Most likely there was some type of fornication. He clearly wasn't glorifying God, and the list could go on and on.

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And no doubt, at least one of those words or descriptions probably describes at least one of your children. If nothing else, we know for sure that all of our children are foolish.

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That's what the Bible tells us. And the more rebellious they are, the more foolish they are. This is why I did a whole series about parenting fools.

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It's aptly entitled, Parenting a Zombie. When these character traits consistently define someone's life, there are only two biblical answers for the cause of it.

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Either, A, they are spiritually dead and merely doing what seems right to them as they worship at the altar of self.

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Or B, they have spiritual life, but are a double -minded man or woman, boy or girl.

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They are spiritually immature. So here are two questions for you. First, according to our brief synopsis of what this material and or spiritual waster looks like, do you have one in your home?

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But let me help you out with this first question. The answer is yes. The real question though is to what degree do you have a waster in your family?

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Are they defined by it? Is it the consistent earmark of their existence? Or do they slip into it from time to time like we all do when we choose to feed the flesh?

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It's not helpful to think of our kids in broad categories. We don't see everything, we're forgetful, therefore it's very important for us to take careful stock of our children and their choices.

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What are they saying and doing and feeling and desiring and thinking and believing? What percentage of their lives are defined this way?

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Now, I don't want to reduce this to a simple math formula and claim that you can deduce great spiritual mysteries by identifying the percentage of time your children are prodigals.

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What I am saying is that we need to make sure we're realistically confident that we can accurately tell if our kids are living entirely for self or if they're waffling in their commitment to the

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Lord. But we need to investigate if the good things they're doing, the things that look like commitment to the

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Lord, actually are and not just another form of self -worship. So do you have a prodigal in your home?

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Are they a dyed -in -the -wool prodigal? Or is there the possibility they are truly born again but unstable in all of their ways?

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Is a dip into their spiritually wasteful moments? Maybe you can't answer that question right now, but hopefully you can start looking for the answer.

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The third question you should seek to determine is, why are they a prodigal? Now you can never know this for certain.

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You can use the scriptures to form a working hypothesis, and you should do that, by the way. I want to dissuade you from not even thinking about trying to do this simply because I can't know for sure.

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And if I can't know for sure, I'm not going to do it. There are so many commands in the Bible that expect us to consider questions like these even though we're not

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God and we can't see the heart. So is your child rebellious or stubborn because they're spiritually dead?

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Or are they rebellious or stubborn because they're spiritually immature? If you're trying to parent your spiritually dead child like you would a spiritually immature child, you're running a huge risk of cementing them in their delusion.

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If you're parenting a spiritually immature child like they're spiritually dead, it's not quite as detrimental, but you'll get stuck on parenting to justification and never move into parenting for sanctification.

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Answering these three questions for each of your kids is so incredibly important. Are they ever prodigals?

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Yes, they are. To what degree are they prodigals? Is it their defining characteristic or are they wafflers?

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Only you can answer these questions as you carefully investigate their choices and motivations. And the third question is, what is the reason for their profligacy?

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Do they lack all spiritual power because they're not born again? Or are they baby Christians who are struggling with even the milk of the word?

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That's it. Those are the questions you have to have a working hypothesis for so that we can move into the next part of the equation.

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And by the way, I hope that like any humble scientist, you are prepared to change your hypothesis, rotate your priorities, when after collecting more data, you realize that you're initial hypothesis may have been incorrect.

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Be humble enough to let the scriptures always be your guide and recognize that you can't really know anyone's heart.

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Number two, are you a prodigal? You probably weren't expecting that, were you?

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The show was supposed to be about what having a prodigal says about your parenting. But the truth of the matter is that having a prodigal doesn't say anything about your parenting.

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But being a prodigal does say everything about your parenting. Now, don't turn off the episode.

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Hear me out. God the Father was the King of the children of Israel. And yet how many times did they rebel?

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Jesus spent about three years absolutely pouring into the disciples. And it was very likely that Peter wasn't truly born again until after the resurrection.

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And we all know what Judas did. My simple point is that anyone who would judge your parenting by nothing more than the spiritual state of your children is a fool.

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Consider Ezekiel 18, 19 -22. Yet you say, why should the son not bear the punishment of his father's iniquity?

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But the son has done justice and righteousness and has kept all my statutes and done them. He shall surely live.

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The son who sins will die. The son will not bear the iniquity of the father, nor will the father bear the iniquity of the son.

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The righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself. But if the wicked man turns from all his sins, which he has done, and keeps all my statutes and does justice and righteousness, he shall surely live.

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He shall not die. All his transgressions, which he has done, will not be remembered against him because of his righteousness, which he has done.

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He will live. You and I are sinners. My wife is a sinner. Your spouse is a sinner. But that doesn't mean that by the grace of God, we are incapable of being consistently good parents.

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You can be a good parent and your children still reject God. John 15, 18 -21 says,

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If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own.

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But because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world because of this, the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you,

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A slave is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will keep yours also.

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But all things they will do to you for my name's sake, because they do not know the one who sent me.

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The disciples weren't inherently doing anything wrong, being hated by the world, and neither is a parent who is being persecuted by their unsaved children.

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1 Peter 4, 14 -16 reads, If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the spirit of glory and of God rests on you.

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Make sure that none of you suffers as a murderer or thief or evildoer or troublesome meddler, but if anyone suffers as a

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Christian, he is not to be put to shame, but is to glorify God in his name. The point

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I'm trying to make is that just because you have a God -hater in your home potentially doesn't inherently mean anything about your parenting.

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Just because you have a spiritually immature child in your home doesn't inherently say anything about your parenting.

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But they might be related. So the better question is, what does your parenting say about your parenting?

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I did an episode a number of years ago called Defensible Parenting. You can find the link in the description. If you were drug into a court of law and accused of not being a biblical parent, what legitimate evidence could be brought against you?

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How your kids turned out? No. The only evidence that would prove one way or another whether you're a biblical parent would be examples of you not being a biblical parent.

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At the very beginning of that episode, I said, the only defensible parenting in the entire universe is parenting that submits to what

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God has commanded of us in his word. And then I took the balance of the episode to support that claim from scripture.

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So I asked the question, are you a prodigal? Because the answer to that question says infinitely more about you and your parenting than anything else in your life.

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And it's a really important question to ask, even if we don't have prodigals in our family. When you waste your parenting opportunities, you're being a prodigal who isn't glorifying

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God in your parenting. When you turn what should be a gospel moment into a you moment, you're engaging in idolatry.

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That's idolatrous parenting. When you consistently and habitually try to motivate your kid's behavior with anything and everything other than God, his character, and his expectations, that says a plethora about your parenting.

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And it's the condemnation of your own parenting that should mean a whole lot more to you than what people think about your parenting because your child is rebellious.

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You need to look to the log in your own eye for an accurate evaluation of your parenting. So here's the thing.

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Yes, you have wasters in your home. Your kids, whether born again or not, frequently waste the truth of God and waste opportunities to please

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Him. They may do this because they're spiritually dead or spiritually immature. This says nothing about your parenting.

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Also, yes, you are a waster. You do not always parent perfectly for the glory of God.

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And by the way, that includes me too. I'm not something like special over here, you know, not like you, right?

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This includes me. The first question, though, needs to be to what degree are we wasters? Does prodigal parenting define our parenting?

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Is that what we do most of the time? The second question needs to be, why do you parent that way?

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Are you simply in need of more spiritual maturity as all Christians are? Or is it possible that you are spiritually dead?

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This says everything about your parenting. So that leads us to our third and final consideration for the day.

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Number three, how do I change what my parenting says about my parenting?

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I know it's a silly question, and we all know the answer. Our parenting has to change. Of course, hopefully we're all humble enough to always have this in the forefront of our minds.

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We're all the chief of sinners in our homes. We're not as mature as we should be or as we're going to be. So we need to be perpetually growing in our sanctification from one degree of glory to another.

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And this final point is what the entirety of our nearly 600 episodes really is all about.

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Every show on this Truth Love Parent podcast is designed to help us become more biblical parents, to be the type of people whose parenting says that we're imperfect sinners who are striving to worship

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God with our parenting. That's the best we can do, and that's the goal for which we should be daily striving.

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To that end, allow me to remind us of some universal truths that will apply to all of us, and then point you to just a couple resources to either start you on your journey to becoming a parent whose parenting says all the right things, or to continue being that parent.

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Letter A, you are to be an ambassador for God in your family. Your family is not your own.

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Nothing that happens in your home and with your family should be about you. You have been called to represent

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God to your kids. But how are we to know what God would have us do as his ambassadors? Letter B, you are to use the

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Bible to parent. The motivation for your parenting, the method of your parenting, and the means of your parenting absolutely need to be founded on and growing in the truth of God found on the pages of his sufficient

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Word. That's it. If you parent like this, that says that your parenting is striving to please the

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Lord. Even if your kids hate God and hate you, this kind of parenting speaks for itself.

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But if your parenting is rooted in you and your desires or man's secular failure philosophies, then even if your kids turn out as powerful champions of the cross, your parenting will have told everyone, including your children, everything they need to know about your parenting.

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It was selfish, profligate, and rebellious parenting regardless of how your kids turned out. So, in conclusion, we have a biblical parent podcast series which does a unique niche overview of the process.

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The Rock, the Bread, and the Donut series is a great three -part series that teaches us how we can take the things we give our kids and redeem it for the

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Lord. But my highest recommendation is that you consume the Biblical Parenting Essentials Conference.

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If you use the link in the description today, you can purchase that $50 conference and all of its resources for only $10.

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As I put together that material, I pulled out from our nearly 600 episodes the most important truths biblical parents need and presented it in an easily accessible format to help all of us, that includes myself, be the kind of parent whose parenting says that, though we're imperfect, we love and serve

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God. So what does having a prodigal say about your parenting? Nothing of consequence.

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But what your parenting says about your parenting is desperately important because God has expectations for your parenting.

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So please share this episode with your friends so that they too can become more biblical parents. And please email us at counselor at truthloveparent .com

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or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894 if I could serve you by offering biblical counseling for you, your kids, or your whole family.

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And I hope you'll subscribe to this show and join us next week as we observe that it's really hard to push a rope and then consider the biblical parenting implications of that truth.

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I'll see you then. Truth. Love. Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship

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God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study God's word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness.

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And remember that TLP is a listener supported ministry. You can visit truthloveparent .com forward slash donate to learn more.