TLP 49: The Millennial Pendulum | parenting a post-millennial

Scan through the Old Testament, and you'll see this over and over again. A lot of people fall low enough, get into enough trouble, and hate their very existence, and eventually the culture will start looking for the Deus Ex Machina.

Welcome to Truth, Love, Parents, where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, AM Brewster.

Generational Labels, Millennial Stereotypes, and Listener Support

Just about the time the next generation turns 25, sociologists, cultural watchdogs, psychologists, and the entertainment industry feel the need to brand them. This has happened with nearly every modern generation.

Some researchers say there are representatives from five generations still alive today. There are different names and birth years assigned by various organizations, and many of you are probably familiar with the Traditionalists or Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, and Generation X.

And then we add that pretend generational marker called Generation Y. Honestly, I'm not really certain whether I'm a Gen Xer or not because, as I mentioned, few people really agree with the dates. But according to the Center for Generational Kinetics, I belong on the early end of the group that's getting the most attention right now, the Millennials.

But did you know they've already started labeling the children born after 1995? But more on that in a minute. Recently Rashaun Johnson sent me an email that said, quote, I want to scream from the rooftops what a blessing TLP is to parents who have a desire to be ambassadors, but no guidance in what that looks and sounds like, unquote.

She said so much more in the email, but I just wanted to share that thought with you. And I can't tell you how much sentiments like that thrill my heart. I am honored to serve your families, and I want you to know the blessing that you are to me and my family.

Rashoun also mentioned she's going to leave a review on iTunes, and I'd like to encourage you to do the same. Listen, it's not about having me read your review on the show, though I love doing that. It's about iTunes giving TLP a higher ranking so more searching and herding and learning parents can find us.

If you haven't subscribed and shared, rated and reviewed, it's as easy as logging into iTunes on your computer or mobile device and searching for truth love parent in the main library. Once you click on the show, you'll be able to easily find the rate and review tab in the subscribe button.

Of course, you can review us on any of the directories you listen to us on from ACAST to Google Play to SoundCloud. Thank you in advance for connecting us with other premeditated parents. I also wanted to say before we continue that Team TLP decided to organize our show into seasons.

This really won't affect you at all because we don't plan to have any breaks in between seasons, but it's nice to be able to say we're already a couple seasons into season two. Every three months, we'll enter a new publishing season with new goals, projects, and tools and we look forward to growing together with your family as the seasons change.

Why the Millennial Pendulum Happens

So let's see what statisticians are saying about the millennials and this new generation. There are a lot of people with things to say about millennials, but for everyone classifying them, there's a millennial who disagrees.

I have to admit it's actually a little stereotypically hilarious that the millennials are the ones making the biggest stink about the labels they've been given. Many researchers say that millennials are generally self-possessed and narcissistic.

An article by Tech Target had this to say, quote, having been raised under the mantra follow your dreams and being told they were special, they tend to be confident. While largely a positive trait, the millennial generation's confidence has been argued to spill over into the realms of entitlement and narcissism.

Their expectations may have resulted from the very encouraging, involved, and almost ever-present group of parents that became known as helicopter parents, unquote. Of course, that's just an informed theory, but there's this other video interview that broke the internet last year.

It's a Gen Xer slash millennial being interviewed by a younger millennial, and people either love it or hate it. I'm talking about Simon Sinek's video entitled, Millennials in the Workplace. If you haven't heard it, I'll link it for you in the description, but I have to say I love his content and many of his conclusions.

Of course, he's not speaking from a biblical standpoint at all, but again, it's intelligent and insightful.

Let me give you just a short listen. Apparently, millennials are tough to manage, and they're accused of being entitled and narcissistic and self-interested, unfocused, lazy, but entitled is the big one.

Because they confound leadership so much, what's happening is leaders are asking the millennials, what do you want? Millennials are saying, we want to work in a place with purpose. Love that. We want to make an impact, whatever that means.

We want free food and bean bags. And so, somebody articulates some sort of purpose. There's lots of free food and there's bean bags, and yet for some reason, they are still not happy. And that's because there's a missing piece.

What I've learned is that I can break it down into four pieces. There are four things, four characteristics. One is parenting, the other one is technology, the third is impatience, and the fourth is environment.

The generation that we call the millennials, too many of them grew up subject to, not my words, failed parenting strategies. Where, for example, they were told that they were special, all the time. They were told that they could have anything they want in life, just because they want it.

Some of them got into honors classes, not because they deserved it, but because their parents complained. And some of them got A's, not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn't want to deal with the parents.

Some kids got participation medals. They got a medal for coming in last. The science we know is pretty clear, which is it devalues the medal and the reward for those who actually work hard. And that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed, because they know they didn't deserve it.

So it actually makes them feel worse. So you take this group of people, and they graduate school, and they get a job, and they're thrust into the real world, and in an instant, they find out they're not special, their moms can't get them a promotion, that you get nothing for coming in last, and by the way, you can't just have it because you want it.

And in an instant, their entire self-image is shattered. And so you have an entire generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations. The other problem to compound it is we're growing up in a Facebook, Instagram world.

In other words, we're good at putting filters on things. We're good at showing people that life is amazing, even though I'm depressed, right? And so everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they got it all figured out.

And the reality is there's very little toughness, and most people don't have it figured out. And so when the more senior people say, well, what should we do? They sound like, this is what you gotta do.

And they have no clue. Now, he made the comment that it has to do with, in part, failed parenting strategies. Well, let me remind you of something a little bit more biblical, something that my mom had hammered into my head.

It doesn't matter what anyone says, and it doesn't matter what anyone does. You're responsible to God for your own reactions. That means regardless of the parents you had, you're responsible for responding to truth.

However, on the flip side, as we learned in episode 42, parents are the most potentially destructive influence in their children's lives because we teach our children what's normal. We dictate to them what's acceptable living.

So we will be held responsible to God and given a millstone necklace if we train our children to rebel against his universal laws and believe lies. And, as we know, the rear view is always clearer than the windshield.

I remember the 90s when schools not only gave medals to the losers, but some schools stopped keeping points altogether during sporting events lest some child feel like he's not as good or special as someone else.

To be honest, I didn't need hindsight for this one. Even as a high schooler, I laughed at the ludicrous concept of the self-esteem movement, and I shuddered when I heard Christians touting that same failure philosophy.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible says that our problem is not that we don't esteem ourselves enough. The real issue is that we, and our children, esteem ourselves too much. And we don't esteem God enough.

Parenting the Next Generation by God's Character, Not Reaction

But really, this is just the introduction. We're not here to solve the millennial problem. Though I will say that those of you who still have some influence in the life of your millennials, today's episode can help you very much.

We're here to discuss what some people are calling Generation Z, or iGen, or Centennials, the children that were born after 1996. Most are rightfully hesitant to label this generation. At the time of this recording, the oldest iGens are just entering their early 20s.

This means that within the next 5 to 10 years, we'll all be making fun of Centennials instead of Millennials. But wouldn't it be great if your children didn't fit the cultural stereotype? Wouldn't it be wonderful if the negative character traits that so easily define a generation missed your kids?

And that's what we want to talk about today. Listen, we Gen X and Millennial parents are in danger of doing the exact same things our parents did. Instead of parenting from a firm, unshifting foundation that stands constant regardless of the cultural ebbs and demographic flows, we will be tempted to react.

Entire generations of parents have defined their parenting model by reacting to all the things that went wrong with the previous generation. D .A. Carson said, Quote,. People like this pamper and coddle their little snowflakes from the harsh sun of reality.

They don't want their darling to be sad, so they sign them up for non-competitive sports. They can't allow their children to be told that their actions are a result of a condition called sin nature, and so they devise professional-sounding disorders, call them mental illnesses, and tell their children that they are victims and capable of being anything more than they are.

So they should be true to themselves, whatever that means. And then they surround their kids with technology because science told them it would help their little ones to be smarter and more successful, and they would build stronger relationship skills via social media.

But, fast forward 20 years and we find that we've created something far worse than Mary Shelley could have ever imagined. But that's the story of those who had their parenting chance and chose poorly.

Those of us who were either parented that way or saw everyone else's parents doing the same things, who now have kids who haven't been labeled yet, we need to be vigilant. Yes, it's good to take stock and it's good to compare and contrast and critique, but if we're not careful, we parents aren't going to act on the truth we've been given.

Instead, we'll react against the things in the culture we don't like, just like our parents did. It's a very unoriginal bent in humanity to swing like a pendulum. It happened to King Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12, whose older counselors told him one thing and his younger counselors told him the exact opposite.

And it's happening today. That's why I call this form of parenting the Parenting Pendulum, and to be more specific to this generation, the Millennial Pendulum. The younger Gen Xers are looking at the Millennials and the older Millennials are looking at the younger Millennials and are saying, we don't want our kids to turn out that way, and they parent accordingly.

But that's never worked. Whatever the generation dreams up will inevitably be disproven, rejected, and relegated to the bad ideas drawer. Unfortunately, the ideas that take their place will end up sandwiched in the same place come the next generation.

So we're going to take the remainder of our time to look at two things. One, we're going to do what Proverbs 22 says. We're going to look ahead of us, see the temptation to parent using the Millennial Pendulum, and we're going to avoid it.

But we need to know what to look out for. And two, we're going to discuss the only correct way to parent the upcoming Centennials. So what exactly will the Millennial Pendulum look like? Well, just like there really aren't definitive character traits that can be accurately applied to the entire generation of people, the pendulum responses won't be the same with everyone either.

But if you want to see which ones most of us will struggle with, all we have to do is find a negative Millennial characteristic and do the opposite. Here's an example. We're told that Millennials have no idea how to function within healthy relational constructs.

Their interactions are had mostly with screens. They abbreviate their thoughts so much that they've started thinking in text language. And economists are genuinely concerned that without the ability to function within committed relationships, and compounded by the fact that too few Millennials are able to compete in the current job market, this generation of single, low-to-middle-class wage earners who refuse to pool their resources with a partner will cause a significant economic slump.

I want you to listen again to Simon.

Now let's add in technology. We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. That's why when you get a text, it feels good, right? So, you know, we've all had it where you're feeling a little bit down or feeling a bit lonely, and so you send out 10 texts to 10 friends, you know, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

Because it feels good when you get a response, right? It's why we count the likes, it's why we go back 10 times to see if my Instagram is growing slower, did I do something wrong, do they not like me anymore, right?

The trauma for young kids to be unfriended, right? Because we know when you get it, you get a hit of dopamine, which feels good. It's why we like it, it's why we keep going back to it. Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink, and when we gamble.

In other words, it's highly, highly addictive, right? We have age restrictions on smoking, gambling, and alcohol, and we have no age restrictions on social media and cell phones, which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers, hey, by the way, this adolescence thing, if it gets you down, but that's basically what's happening.

That's basically what's happening, right? That's basically what's happening. You have an entire generation that has access to an addictive, numbing chemical called dopamine through social media and cell phones as they're going through the high stress of adolescence.

Why is this important? Almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol when they were teenagers. Some people, quite by accident, discover alcohol and numbing effects of dopamine to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence.

Unfortunately, that becomes hardwired in their brains, and for the rest of their lives, when they suffer significant stress, they will not turn to a person, they will turn to the bottle. Social stress, financial stress, career stress, that's pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks, right?

What's happening is because we're allowing unfettered access to these dopamine-producing devices and media, basically it's becoming hardwired, and what we're seeing is as they grow older, too many kids don't know how to form deep, meaningful relationships.

Their words, not mine. They will admit that many of their friendships are superficial. They will admit that they don't count on their friends, they don't rely on their friends, they have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel on them, that something better comes along.

Deep, meaningful relationships are not there because they never practice the skill set, and worse, they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. So when significant stress starts to show up in their lives, they're not turning to a person, they're turning to a device, they're turning to social media, they're turning to these things which offer temporary relief.

So what's the obvious, pendulumic answer? Well, take away the devices! But will that work? I want you to consider this historical example of pendulum parenting. Let's start with a biblical example. Scan through the Old Testament and you'll see this over and over again.

That people fall low enough, get into enough trouble, and hate their very existence, and eventually the culture will start looking for the deus ex machina. They want some deity to jump out of a cosmic trap door and save them.

The Jews did it repeatedly for hundreds of years, and we're actually seeing the beginning of this revolution in our culture. In response to the moral church steeples and white picket fences of the 50s, the 60s ushered in an unparalleled animosity for authority, especially God's.

So the 60s and 70s babies really torqued down on their kids, and we saw an explosion of very rule-centered, facade-encouraging, often legalistic churches created in the 80s to react against the rebellion and debauchery of the 60s and 70s.

But then the 90s saw a rise in the anti-authority culture again, because so many of the kids going to the 80s and 90s churches hated the superficial, hypocritical feel of it all. Next thing you know, the retro, 60s-looking clothes made a comeback, and everyone started worshiping at the shrines of the doctor and the lawyer, gods of the body and bank, respectively.

But look what's happening now. So many of the older millennials are finding it cool to embrace the concept of God again. Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins, a popular band in the 90s, made the observation very far ahead of the curve that popular music has done such a great job ignoring God during the 90s and early 2000s that the idea of the divine was one of the only unexplored concepts for modern music.

And then recently we see Tim Tebow taking a stand for Christ, megachurches are selling millennials cool coffee and cool music, movie stars like Shia LaBeouf are telling us they're embracing Christ, and even Mark Zuckerberg is admitting that he thinks belief in the supernatural is an important facet of humanity.

Ladies and gentlemen, so much of this is merely reactionary penduluming. The bottom line is this. It may be a good idea to pull back on the technology, it may not be, but don't parent your children because you're afraid of what they may become.

That's reactionary parenting. Parent your children because of what God wants them to become. And this is the answer to the millennial pendulum. Instead of swinging away from any one behavior, character trait, or social group think, find God's truth and stand on it.

Build your house on the rock of the Lord's perfect and perishable philosophies that answer the questions and hardships of every generation. As for you and your house, you must serve the Lord regardless of the cultural trends and wagging tongues.

My concept of sanctified sustainability is just that. I've talked about this a lot recently. Episode 47 was all about it and snippet number 6 discussed it too. I grew up in the generation of Christians who hated movies like Disney's Pocahontas because they focused too much on worshiping creation.

And that's obviously wrong. But I believe it's equally wrong to throw out the good with the bad. A former student of mine who is regrettably unsaved posted a meme of what the world would be like if Democrats ran it on one side and if Republicans ran it on the other.

And of course, the Republican side had churches and big business and environmental ruin while the Democratic side had a healthy planet. Now that's the cliched stereotypes of so many, quote, conservative Christians have created for themselves.

Because instead of defining their environmental stewardship by God's unchanging word, they reacted to Fern Gully and Pocahontas and Captain Planet, but by not only ignoring their divine environmental mandate, but seemingly working against it.

Well, I just refused to do the swing. I refused to throw my planet under the bus. But I also refused to worship it and buy into the fake science. I just chose God's way. So when it comes to parenting your post-millennials, iGens, Centennials, or Generation Zs, whatever you want to call them, think about when God founded the nation of Israel.

He didn't say, don't kill because that's what the Canaanites do, and we know how poorly that's working out for them. He didn't say, don't eat pigs because we all know what happened to your grandparents when they ate nothing but bacon.

And he didn't say, you know, we're going to embrace monotheism because we all saw how hard it was for the Egyptians to juggle all those deities. No, he grounded his entire law code and every expectation on nothing more than his own character.

The first words of the law were these, I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. Basically, he was saying, I know best and can do best. Therefore, because of who I am, here's how you're to live.

In Deuteronomy 6, God starts the same way. The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And by extension, he says, therefore, this is what you are to do. And then right after the most dynamic proclamation concerning the greatest commandment in the universe, we see one of the most applicable verses concerning Christian parenting.

Deuteronomy 6, 7 says, God basically says, because of who I am, you're going to love me with everything you are. And because you love me, you're going to do things that conform to my character and reject the things that don't.

And you're going to teach your kids to do the same because there's nothing more important for you as a parent to talk about. Our parenting has nothing to do with anyone else. It doesn't matter, good or bad, what the Joneses are doing.

It doesn't matter what the Baby Boomers or the Generation Xers or anyone else did or is doing. Let's be more practical. It doesn't matter that on one hand, we're exiting a culture of obesity because on the other hand, the millennials saw their parents and cringed.

I'm not going to side with one against the other. I'm going to do what God says when it comes to eating. It doesn't matter the 90s saw the explosion and mass acceptance of the contemporary Christian music movement because people were tired of the same old hymns.

But now many of the people who grew up in those churches are migrating away from the performance-centered song services. I don't care. I'm going to base my convictions and standards in God's Word, not our cultural ideas or reactionary thought.

My convictions, based on the Bible, may look an awful lot like someone else's, or they may look completely different. But I refuse to merely react to bad ideas. I want to embrace the good ideas God lays out in the book He promised would give me everything I need for life and godliness and parenting.

Biblical Parenting Wisdom, the Rock, and the College Question

Let's check out some family wisdom, starting with David in Psalm 119. Quote,. How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you. Let me not wander from your commandments.

I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Unquote. David's son Solomon presents the flip side of his dad's teaching in Proverbs 14 11, where he says,. The house of the wicked will be destroyed, but the tent of the upright will flourish.

The next verse tells us why the house of the wicked will be destroyed. There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. So if my kids follow God's plan, they will not only be pure and protected from sin, but they won't be destroyed.

Of course, all this isn't true because some man figured it out. God taught it to them. And many, many generations later, the God-man Jesus proclaimed the exact same thing in Matthew 7. He says,. Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.

And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it. Let's look at one more final millennial problem. How should we parent our children when it comes to their college choices?

Millennials are facing difficulty because they graduated from college with liberal arts degrees like their parents did, but are finding the economy leaning toward blue-collar jobs, technology, and skilled craftsmen.

The pendulum parents are already swinging for their elementary generation Z-ers. Have you noticed how many coding programs there are for kids these days? Schools are pushing STEM curriculum incredibly hard as well.

But ambassador parents understand that though each generation needs to embrace the opportunities set before them, the question, what do you want to be when you grow up, isn't really a good one. The more important question is, what does God want you to be when you grow up?

Someone asks a child what he wants to be, and the child says, a musician. Well, a sociologist might decry such a dream and motivate the child to consider the sciences as a profession and music as a hobby.

But that's just reactionary advice. The biblical parent takes his child to the Bible in order to learn how God wants him to live. They'll also investigate the child's life in order to determine the unique skills and passions God's instilled in him for the future purposes God has for him.

And then they'll try their hardest as the child grows to choose activities, side jobs, degrees, training, and vocations that they know will please the Lord, regardless of what the rest of the world is doing.

Don't be a pendulum parent who reacts to the world's failure philosophies. Be an ambassador parent who acts on God's perfect philosophies. There is a world of difference. I encourage you to download our episode notes linked in the description and check out Simon Sinek's video, but please note that Mr. Sinek is not presenting observations steeped in God's Word.

Despite his amazing observations, there is a good deal of error that slips through. Today, I'd like to also extend a very huge thank you to Ray and Carolyn for their generous gift to Truth Love Parent.

Ray and Carolyn have two kids, seven grandchildren, and own a shop called So Fine by Design, and they wanted to worship their Lord by partnering with TLP. They not only support us as patrons, but they also listen to every podcast, share our social media posts, tell just about everyone they know about us, and pray for us on a regular basis.

If you'd be interested in partnering with TLP like Ray and Carolyn, I'd encourage you to click the Support TLP link in the description. And join us next time for a look into the value of disagreeing children.

And the next time you're sitting at your computer like the millennial you are, like and follow TLP on Facebook and me on Twitter at A .M. Brewster. Listen, you can waste your time reacting to the poor choices of the world, or you can invest your time by implementing the perfect choices of God.

Choose wisely.

Truth Love Parent is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.