Biblical Submission (Special guests Shane & Char Selph) | Season 5 Episode 3

And I am with two of my friends, Shane and Shaw herself, and today

Anna nor Elena are on, so I won't get made fun of as much, so this is going to be a great day.

Today we're talking about submission and adoption. So two separate topics, it's a two for one, that's what we're doing today.

Anna has a magic mic, and I don't mean the movie, Anna has a magic mic back there and she can talk.

Say hello, Anna. Hello. You're not cheating. She doesn't have to be in front of the camera. I'm a producer today. Yeah. What that means is a little bit caught in the work.

So be very forgiving with Shane. Is he editing? Yes. He's going to be here until like midnight.

This is going to be terrible. I told him, I said I'm up. I apologize in advance. My favorite thing is when Anna did an episode with three or four of the other girls, and I was out of town or not here or something, and she texts me and goes,

Pastor, I'm sorry, we really tried. I texted each of the girls individually. It was like Carissa, and I said, how'd it go?

She goes, we had a lot of fun. I text Elena, she goes, yeah, we had a blast, dot, dot, dot, and I texted all, it was

Amy. I thought it was good, but they didn't, they were being too hard on themselves. At any rate, so yeah, we're in season five.

I hope y 'all noticed the quality of the new camera, because I have. I watched back

Johnny's episode and Brandon's. Have you seen Brandon's episode yet? You told me you were going to. Don't lie, because the camera's on.

I did. I watched it and Johnny's. Did you honestly? Yes. Did you female watch it or actually watch it?

I turned it on and listened. Y 'all know what female watching is? It's where you turn it on in the background and do other things, pretend like you're listening.

I turned it on and I listened. Shane, did you watch it? I believe so, yes. Okay. So look.

All right, that's one off my checklist. Yeah. Not only are they great, but the camera quality is way better.

I almost zoomed in and saw my blackheads on my nose. It was pretty cool. I have this tool for that.

You have a tool for blackheads? Yeah. What do you mean? It's got electro current stuff.

You're just making crap up. I'm not making it up. And it goes, and you can put it on your face and it takes care of all your blackheads.

Have either of you two ever heard of that? Anna, Landon, have y 'all ever heard of? I'll bring it for you tomorrow.

This is insane. I don't believe you. Okay. I've seen it. I'll bring it.

Anna, get us started today. What are we doing today? What are we starting with? Okay. So no game, but just thought it would be -

This is so cool, her talking, not in front of the - Because you don't have to see my face. No, we've come so far technology -wise here.

We're so advanced. So just a question my husband and I ask each other each week, or two questions, is what brought you joy this week?

And then the next would be what was hard this week? I'll go first.

What brought me joy this week, and I'm not even being the slightest bit funny, the weather. Here in Memphis, the lows were in the 40s this week in October.

I woke up twice at about 5 a .m. and just went and sat on my back porch. Oh my goodness, that's my worship.

When it's 40 -something degrees, I go out there with my Bible, my Spotify playlist.

The weather brought me joy. The highs were like 68. I opened the windows of my home, and I haven't turned on the air in like three days.

So it's been pretty fantastic. So that's what brought me joy. Also took the girls downtown with Rachel last night for the wedding, for Stephen Nash's wedding, and they got to ride the trolley.

And there's a stupid show they watch, it's called Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. Have y 'all ever heard of this? No. Have you?

Oh, of course you have, you have a one -year -old. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor.

Would you be mine? Would you ride along with me? No, you're doing two different songs there.

No, I'm not. This is when he gets on the trolley. It's such a good Mr. Rogers. Based on me talking about downtown, you know

I'm about to talk about trolley. Did they sing the song? Of course they did. Oh my gosh. So look. Here's what I mean. Here's what

I mean. They sold the rights to Mr. Rogers to this animated, yeah, it's animated, it's called

Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, this animated show, and they're tigers, and it's animated.

Anyway, he rides around in the trolley and sings, won't you ride along with me, I'm right and it's wrong on the lyrics.

So we got him a trolley and the girls started singing the stupid song. It was worth it.

But anyway, what brought me, what was the last one? What was hard?

Well, what was hard was myself. I had to correct myself. I almost cried, I was so convicted.

Long story short, so it wasn't like a difficult thing, it was a I'm an idiot thing. I got a huge blessing this week.

I guess you'd call it a financial break. I got a load off my mind. And on the day that happened, on that day, in my brain and verbally with my wife,

I was complaining that something else was not paid for yet. And like, oh, yeah, we got to do that.

I was complaining about it. And like, I had already forgotten that which

I had been blessed with like 12 hours later. And just the lack of gratitude, the sheer that I can complain about something for weeks and be grateful for less than an hour.

That brought me pain because I was like, that's that's pretty pathetic. I did correct that. And my wife and I each day for the past three days at some point here today stopped and thank

God for that which he's given us. Not just in that moment, but I mean, period, the lack, you know, just kicks me in the teeth any time

I read the Bible and read about what it will be like in the end times and as in the days of Noah and those list of attributes like in second

Timothy three, when it says in the last days, perilous times will come for men will be lovers of themselves.

And he goes through this list of awful, awful sins and then gets to ungrateful. Ungrateful is one of the list of those sins.

So that brought me pain, but it was myself. Hmm. Interesting. By the way,

I am not a mama, but this is Anna's cup since she decided not to be on camera. I get her water. That's what that's about.

The prayer part is I will get to where I'm always start off with.

Thanks. Thanks for the day. Right. Thanks for the health. And there'll be times where I'll say amen.

And I haven't even gotten to where, Lord, I need help with. It's just, it's nothing but praise.

Right. I just, I'm thankful for everything. You know, we do get things we don't get because we have experienced both of them.

And, you know, it's kind of like, oh, by the way, Lord, even though he knows, it's like, you know, we kind of need help with this or this family member needs that.

So totally understand where you're coming from. Today was a great day to wrap up every year we have in service.

You know, being a police officer, we've got to stay up on our curriculum, our shooting, and all the new tactics and stuff.

Well, it always brings a little stress because I do have, my right eye is like really,

I forgot what you call it. It's got astigmatism. Yeah, me too. I've got to. Yeah, that's what that means.

Go with the other eye to shoot. So when it comes to the right. You're like this. Actually, it is offset, but it's so natural,

I don't have to really think about it. Everybody qualified with the rifle, iron sights, red dot sights.

It was actually what went into a stressful day when it being triumphant because we all qualified.

We shot really well. So even with the iron sights, I was still on point.

You know what Marty did when that happened? He started shooting the rifles with his left hand. He literally switched because his eye.

He found it easier to switch that with his hands than to switch his eye. I have done that, but it's so natural.

I get it. Not to say cross -eyed, but yeah. So I guess that kind of knocked down both of them.

It was in service was the ups and downs. That's the joy and the pain. What about you,

Char? Joy. Probably watching the kids this morning. It was a thank you moment.

I loved watching the obedience and the submission of the kids.

So for those of you who weren't in service here at Witten this morning, this morning we had three baptisms, but here's what was cool.

William was first. He was a little late, so he had to immediately go in the back and get changed. William got baptized, got out, and started getting dried off and changed while another family was getting baptized.

We had three baptisms this morning. Then William walked on the stage and presented his family.

Instead of baby dedication, we called it a family covenant, but basically committed to raising the child the way that God's Word says to.

Everyone in participation with that, in agreeance to holding them to that standard, agreed. So it was an excellent day at the beginning of service.

Then we praised. We heard the Word of God. I don't want to exaggerate. Ten people wanted to join the church at the end of church.

So it was a good morning. It was. It brought me joy because they have not always been obedient.

It's been a long time coming. With both those families, it's been a long time coming.

So that was probably a big joy for me to watch. She basically walked out of the house and became an

F5. Yeah, right? All of a sudden, God just went, you're done. The hard—what was it?

What brought you pain? That could be anything. Oh. Pain? I'm still feeling pain from Friday's bush pull.

Okay? That's physical pain. Literally, when I go to lift my arm, I'm like, all right, that's it.

So look, we had to go do a bunch of outside labor.

It was fun. So I'm like, all right, I got to pick a team. And I included Char. And I was like, all right, she's not going to make me regret this.

She's going to do good. It was a lot of—and she did. It was a lot of work for three hours of work. We probably dug up 40 shrubs, shrubberations.

We probably dug up 40 of them. It was insane. And I said dug up. I didn't say cut down. Some of them had root balls that were like this big around that were under trees.

Gratefully, graciously had rained the night before. Yes, it did.

All right. Can y 'all quit getting off topic? Can we focus up? It's them.

It's not me. Go right on ahead. It's not me. So look, we're going to start with submission.

What I'd like to do, if that's all right with everyone else, I'd like to read some of Ephesians 5.

But before I do that, before I do that, Shara and Shane, I'm just going to ask y 'all to give some general thoughts on the topic.

I know y 'all prepped a lot for this. General thoughts on the topic, things that you either discovered this week or you've known for a long time or you've come to know, just some overarching general thoughts on the topic of submission.

Can I go first? Yes, of course. The opposite of what you said when we were practicing in the beginning.

Yeah, go ahead. That's perfect because I had to learn a lot. She literally off -camera said, I'll go last.

So anyway, go ahead. If I go first, I get it over with. By the way, someone this morning said, oh, I can't wait to hear all you have to say at a women's conference.

I was like, let's slow down. Oh, from the missions meeting? Yeah, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. No, so with the whole -

For any of our Puerto Rican brethren who watch this, Shara's going to lead a women's conference this year when we come. So there you go. That's what you made me do last year.

And I do emphasize the word made. And you did a great job. In my learning of submissiveness with my boss, also my pastor,

I've now learned to not say, I'm not going to do that, or I don't want to do that.

Because when I've said those things, he looks at me like I'm certain he would his daughter's. She's exaggerating.

And says, did you say you're not going to do that? And I always say now, so it's not that I don't want to, and it's not that I'm not going to, but perhaps we could find another way.

She thinks she's slick. All right, what's your general topic? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me and Shane, I was married before Shane and I got married.

And I say lightly, but I was a dad, I was a mom,

I was all the things because he was not. Coming into a marriage with a man who was trying to take that role was very difficult for me to let go of.

So I had to really, I had a lot that I had to learn in the beginning. And I'm still learning.

I'm still, you know, there are days where I'm like, do I have to do that today? Do I have to?

You know, because my natural instincts are still there sometimes, and I still want to fight against, even though I know truth and I know what's right, and I still have to kind of sometimes fight against that.

So submissive, an attitude of submissiveness was a really big struggle for me in the beginning.

Not as much now, but there are days where I'm like, really, God, today?

Right, right. So it's just been, but it has blessed our marriage. You know, learning it.

I remember brother Jeff telling me one time, baby, not everything has to be handled with a sledgehammer. And I'd say, yeah, it does.

We just beat it, tear it down, and then we can rebuild whatever. And he's like, no, but you tear everything when you do that.

Sometimes you can use a mallet. And I was like, a mallet? My God, we'll be here all day. And that's kind of how

I looked at what that whole submissiveness was. Man, I could just beat it, like just... Break it.

Break it, and it doesn't necessarily benefit our marriage. So sometimes, you know,

I just... His ideas become his ideas. And then I feel better.

That's a lot of progress from beating it over the hip of the bat, or whatever you said earlier. Yeah, it's fine. Shane, what about you, man?

Opening thoughts. Opening thoughts is, don't touch my tools. Yeah, right. And she did not understand that, and I've lost many a good power tool.

If he wouldn't tell me not to... With Rachel, it's pocket knife, she loses.

And I say, where are the shoes? I just don't know. And I give her another one, and she loses that. She's lost, like, four of them.

And she'll say, sorry, and now I don't have one. So, yeah, that's hers.

Hers is pocket knives. Anyway, go ahead, Shane. Mine's... Yeah, anytime Shane says, don't do that, I'm like...

Yeah, it's a challenge. I always like to start out with, basically, the definition, or the worldly definition, doing a word study.

And submission has gotten kind of a dirty meaning.

The act or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will of authority of another person, it can be considered, like, belittling, subservient, demeaning.

And that is not, as Christians, the way we should see submission.

It should be, as 1 Peter 5, 6 through 8 says, it says to humble yourselves.

Right. Therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind.

Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for something to devour. Right. That right there just sums it up as a protector.

I would love to be able to just lay everything at his feet and go, God, you've got this.

You've got my back. You've got my future. You've got everything. So, submit to his great power.

So, to go from the way a lot of people do submission to the Christian side, that's kind of where I started with it.

I want to, if I could, and if it's all right with you, I want to read a little bit from Ephesians 5.

I want you all to hear this. What you have in Ephesians 5, 21 through 6, 9.

Now, remember, the original letter to Ephesus, like all the letters in the

New Testament, all the books in the Bible did not have chapter and verse divisions. Those were added later to help us find passages in the

Bible. But those were from the 14 and 1500s. So, this is one letter, the letter to the

Christians in Ephesus. So, sometimes I think we mess up in thinking when we start on chapter 6, we're starting a new topic.

Well, not necessarily. The chapter divisions are not perfect. So, 5 .21 through 6 .9

is an entire treatise on submission. And it goes through all types of relationships, employer -employee, master -slave, husband -wife, children -parents.

But it begins in chapter 5, verse 21 with the phrase, Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

If submission is something you have never done, and let me just stress this carefully so everyone understands what

I'm saying. If you can say the sentence, I have never submitted to anyone or anything, you cannot be a

Christian. Because the act of salvation is you submitting yourself to the

Savior. And that's what the act of salvation is. And then if you say, as many of us maybe have thought in our brain,

Well, yeah, I submit to God but to nobody else. Well, the problem with that is God is the one that told you to submit to others.

So if you don't submit to the ones He's told you to, you're actually not submitting to Him either. That's the catch 22 that people don't recognize.

So just very quickly, verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Please note,

Christianity is not a mindset where women submit to men.

It is a mindset where a woman submits to a man. This is in the marriage relationship.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. I think that sentence right there.

If you could read that. The husband is the head of the wife in the same way that Jesus is the head of the church.

I don't see any room for ambiguity there. Does anybody else? No. So it says, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

So gentlemen, you love your wife in the same manner that Jesus loved the church.

And how did He demonstrate that? By giving Himself for her. And then what

I love what Paul does, and we could read on, but just in verse 33, he summarizes the whole thing.

He says, alright, if I were to summarize this marriage relationship in one sentence, here you go.

Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

There's the summary statement. There it is. So it's saying if you don't know what else to do, if you don't know anything else about what you're supposed to be as a godly wife or husband, if you're doing this, you're at least getting the baseline right.

I love the Bible does that sometimes. Here's your baseline points. So anyway. Exactly. It's like following up with directions.

Okay, well here's your little Easy Bake Oven pie. Oh, but by the way, here's all the instructions and the responsibilities that go along with that.

Right, right. So not only does he tell you, but you're responsible for this. So just a couple points there, and I'm going to shut up and let

Shane and Shore talk. Note again, husband is the head of his family in the same way that Jesus is the head of the church.

What I often encounter with the men, what

I want to drive home often, and I have to look myself in the mirror with this, is the call is to love my wife in the same way that Christ loved the church.

And I've said this before in verse 25. I think if I were to remove the word husbands and wives, and I said, the

Bible says, blank, love your blank, like Christ loved the church. I believe most Christians would not put husbands and wives.

The highest expression of love in human terms, according to God's word, should be husbands to wives.

It doesn't say grandparents love your grandchildren as Christ loved the church, or mothers love your infants like Christ loved the church.

It says husbands love your wives. I have lost sleep over that verse right there. Oh, for sure.

Sorry, I'm commenting in here. Don't apologize again, please. You're perfectly allowed. This is yours. You're the second most important person in the podcast.

Lowell's at work, so now you're first. Appreciate that. You're number one. Appreciate that. So just what you said with my son turned one this last week.

Still crazy to me. I know. I feel like he's like six weeks old. I know. Definitely not. But it's, like you said, it's not a mother should love her infant as Christ loved the church.

I've been so guilty of that this past year of putting my child's needs first, especially

I was nursing him up until he was a year old. It's just very demanding and doing all of these things.

I looked at my husband just this week, and I'm like, we have not been on a date in over three months. We have time set aside throughout the week where we watch a show together and stuff, but it's with our son in his bed sleeping.

It's just not that time that we need. So I've been very convicted of that as well.

And one thing I wanted to add to your, well, not add like an addition to the scripture that you referenced in Ephesians is it's actually in Genesis.

Sorry. Chapter three. I'm about to say, are you guys going to mention that?

No, we're a chapter behind. We goofed up. You're smarter than us. Go ahead. Okay. Well, I wanted to, you know, just in regards to what

Char was saying in submission is, and it didn't hit me until she spoke at like a little women's dinner that we did a couple of months ago at church.

And it's talking about, you know, submitting to your husbands. And it says in Genesis 16, this is when

God is confronting Adam and Eve on their sin. It said to the woman, he said, I will make your pains and childbearing very severe with painful labor.

You will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will roll over you.

So I'm like, this is why as a society women just in general struggle with submitting to men.

If it's their husband, I'm like, it's our curse. So that is why it's so flipping difficult.

I mean, how many women's conferences do we have on submission? And I'm just like, it just hit me like square in the face.

I'm like, that never made sense to me. Like it did right then. So I just felt like that was something I wanted to share. And that's,

I'm so glad you said that because this is something people mess up all the time. I hope you caught what Anna just said. It's not that the design change and after the fall, now women have to submit to men.

It's that now it will be difficult for them. Adam was already the federal head over Eve, but there was no innate rebellion in Eve.

Just like Adam had to work. God made us to work. Adam had to work before the fall, but it wasn't laborious.

There's the word. It wasn't laborious. Thank you for that. I kind of channeled you there. Do you hear what I said at the same time?

It wasn't laborious. Now he has to make his living by the sweat of his brow. It's going to be hard.

It says, he says it will be difficult to till the ground. Imagine how easy gardening was.

Have you ever thought about that? I have a garden. I have a garden and it's in theory. Have you produced anything?

Yeah. No, actually, yes. We've had a ton of tomatoes, but I'm like, it would be so much flipping easier if Adam and Eve would have just like did the one job and I wouldn't have had to have all of this labor, but I get to tell my son about it.

There you go. Have you tried Ashley's jalapenos yet? No, but we have jalapenos as well. Dude, she grew some.

They're very mild, but they taste incredible. If she has enough, you need to see if she'll get you a jar.

So look, um, so yeah, so we, we kind of see the roles and those roles have been from creation.

In fact, we didn't read it, but in Ephesians five, he bases his argument out of creation.

He quotes Genesis two, but it was not at odds until our sin nature was inherited from Adam.

So Shane, uh, what more do you have to add on, on submission, bro? Well, Char's already hit on the issue.

She was having any of the same breath. I was battling my own because I went from a father of nine to a father of three, right?

From a three year old girl to an eight and 12 year old boys. Um, there was rebellious attitudes in, in air all the time.

I did not go to the playbook that would have helped me run the situation.

And in turn, she and I would have, she and I were always on the same page, but I think we kind of ran at it differently.

And what a little bit of friction was there. It was like, you know, we just, it was a perfect way. We've come back because we knew we were supposed to be together.

But then, you know, her discipline was not my discipline or, you know, wanting to work here.

Well, the kids don't need to do that, but yet we were together. So we had a good basis, but I wasn't steering the ship properly.

Um, it just, and when, you know, she basically took the first step when she started submitting, was a time, you know, that like the level of anger and frustration and, you know, going from zero to Mach three, those started decreasing.

And I believe he's talking about my levels going from zero to Mach three. I mean, there are, unfortunately, you know, there are marks in our house that have not been patched yet where I didn't do what

I was supposed to do. You know, I would, you know, I would leave the situation when I should have taken the deep breath and go, okay, this is chaotic.

Let's start over. I didn't, I fit into it. You know, I raised their emotional states.

And then, you know, she and I would have the, you know, bedroom discussions because I didn't want to argue in front of the kids, even though I'm sure they could hear.

But, you know, we immediately, and that was a good thing when I was dead, we would deal with it immediately.

Sure. And we knew, okay, you know, this is what we're supposed to do. But until you submit, it was very difficult.

Well, and it's hard. I think it's hard when you have a blended family like that.

It's hard to take, like, in my instance where I had to be mom and dad and I was doing all the things and I had the kids.

And then I came in and now I've got this man that I love and I trust. And we're trying to navigate through repentance, through what obedience looks like, through forgiveness.

You know, we're trying to navigate through all that and navigate through, okay, what is his role?

How does that affect me? You know, because I have been mom,

I have been disciplinary, and I have been all the things and learning how to step back out of that. That was very difficult for me.

I have a lot of control issues. So learning to kind of step back and let Shane do those things was very difficult.

And we would. We would butt heads. And there were times, man,

I can think back. And I can go. And he and I talk about it now. I'm like, man, I really should not have interfered in this situation.

I should have let you do that. Shane and I were also raised. The same breath I'm following up with is probably best you didn't because I was at Hulk mode and I wouldn't have handled it correctly.

We've learned a lot. You know, sometimes I hate that I feel like it was learned a little too late in the game.

I wish that there were things that I could have learned and applied earlier in my marriage.

I think that that could have benefited in the long run. But we have learned things, and we are still learning things.

And now the things that we get to, you know, that we've kind of figured out, even though it seems like it's on the later end of the kids, we're still benefiting from that in our marriage.

We're benefiting from that in our communication. And now we're able to look at our kids and go, okay, hey, do you remember when this happened?

Okay, that was wrong, but this is the best way that that needs to be done. And I can remember. Oh, my gosh.

That's an excellent testimony. To be able to look your children in the eye. And, you know, they may be 23, but, you know, they're your children.

And say, hey, this is where I could have done better. There was a time, and I'll just be honest, and it was years.

Gosh, Kelton's 28. Is that right? Yeah. Wow. My son is almost as old as you.

Shark could be my mom. Then you're welcome. That was so unnecessary,

Anna. Shut your mouth. I was hurt and said it. Do you all catch that? I could be a lot of people's moms.

It's fine. I'm not going to go home and cry about it. You look good. Thanks. You look good.

I wasn't going to say it. He had a girlfriend one time.

He was 16. And I used to let her spend the night. Shane hated it.

He was like, she doesn't need to spend the night. And I was like, but she lives out of town, and she drives in town. And, you know, I made all the excuses as to why it was okay.

And I'll never forget, I was at a women's retreat. And I was having a conversation with a very godly woman. And I trust her judgment very much so.

And she said, that's got to stop. And I'm like, but. And she was like, no, but. That has to stop. And I knew that it had to stop, right.

Because I knew he and I had made adjustments and shifted our thoughts. And I couldn't.

We couldn't pick and choose what areas I wanted us to be obedient in.

Or I wanted to submit in, right. And I'll never forget having to call him and tell him, she's got to go. And she can't come back unless she's driving back home.

And he was so mad, and he could not understand it. And it was because I had allowed for so long him to continue making really crappy choices, right.

And I accepted it and was like, oh, it's fine. I made excuses for it. But that day

I was like, no. And I told him, I remember telling him, the standard for our home has shifted. And it is no longer what your dad and I think is okay or what we feel like is okay.

Mom things. It's what the word of God says is the standard. And the standard hasn't been met.

That has to change. And she has to go. And that is a hard conversation to have when you've allowed the things to happen.

And you've been like the one saying, yeah, it's fine. Even though you know it's not, but you kind of dug yourself in a hole.

And you're trying to figure out the best way out of it. Yeah, it's like the boss that allows people to be laid all the time. And all of a sudden he gets a letter from corporate that says, hey, you can't have people laid anymore.

And all of a sudden he starts writing people up for things he used to be totally okay with. But you have to.

I can't say that the word of God is our standard if I'm not myself being obedient to it and submitting to it.

And then I can't expect my children to be obedient to the things that we're saying, much less to this.

As much courage as I'm sure that took Char and Shane to implement those changes, there's probably one person in that story that had even more courage than that.

And that is whoever had the courage to tell Charquita on the women's retreat. It was probably

Anna. I can tell you exactly who it was. Don't even say it. Well, you can in a minute. But whoever had the courage to say that.

And this is something I can speak personally for Shane.

The benefit of having another man come alongside you and say, hey, man, you've got to change that.

Let me tell you all something. If you've never done that, first off, I don't know how you're reading this and saying you're living by it.

That takes courage. That takes courage. That is not an easy – I have to do that every week.

That is not an easy thing to do. That takes courage. Because it's easy to be people's friends.

It's hard and it's easy to tell people they're stupid. But it's hard to do that in the same time.

And what I mean is that's the call of Christian accountability. I love you enough to tell you the truth.

And if you keep allowing this – and, you know, Shane can now look at another man and say, dude, if you don't take the lead now,

I don't care how unhappy it makes her. I don't care how mad she is about it. If you don't take the lead now, there will be consequences in y 'all's marriage for the next 10 years.

Because this is how God set it up. It's exactly what Anna said earlier, and then I'm going to shut up and let you keep talking. Exactly what

Anna said earlier. It's not – you know,

Anna mentioned this a few weeks ago on the podcast, how in reality she goes, I want my husband to lead me.

I don't want him to have to take on a role that I'm not meant to take on. That's what's happening. We live in a culture that's so foreign to God's word.

They don't recognize that people are created with certain roles, and that's how they're supposed to function. And every time we try to live in a role outside of that, where a man is not leading and a woman is not falling in a relationship, it's like a car running with a quart load of oil.

It's like trying to run two -stroke gas in a diesel. It's just going to – it's not going to function.

It's not going to be smooth like it's supposed to be. Because we are all created in the image of God with roles that he has created for us, and when any of us act outside that role, whether it's not leading when we need to, whether it's not falling when we're supposed to, it will affect us spiritually and those around us.

The beautiful part is that now Charquita can say at a women's dinner to Anna and the 40 other people there, this is how not to do it.

This is how I'm doing it now, and I'm still learning. What better testimony is there than that? What I think, too, is when you're not in the line or the lane that you're supposed to be in as you were created to be in, right?

I think that that breeds and has the potential to breed resentment in your marriage.

Because if I know that I'm created for this purpose and to do these things, and I know that he's created for that purpose and to do those things, when you know those things and you don't do those things and you don't see those things, then you can have a potential for resentment and bitterness to sweep in, and you leave no room for the respect.

It's hard to have respect when there's not. If you know, hey, you're not even—and it's so easy, because I remember—

So easy to blame the other— I said it. I've been like, well, you just—what was my favorite line?

Well, there you go. You missed an opportunity. Every time I go to the store, I always ask one of the attendants, what aisle are the divorces on?

Right. He does. He does, and they look at us like, oh, my God, is he serious? He knows he's at Home Depot, right? Oh, they've definitely got divorce papers there somewhere.

But it's just—it's hard, and you learn, like, okay, instead of looking at where he's failing,

I've got to look at where I'm failing. Right. And that self -evaluation is not fun, and it's not easy, and it's so much easier to go, well, if he would just have taken that opportunity today.

And we always return to it, Matthew 7. We should see our stuff as a beam, as a log in our eye, and I should see his and yours as a speck.

Right. That's how we should see it. He laughed earlier. He said, oh, the tools.

What about the tools? I'm like a child. You lose tools? You break them? No. Yes. Ish.

We were cutting trees down one time. Well, we weren't. I was watching, and I wanted to work.

And I said, can I do that? And he said, no. I'm going to set my chainsaw right here, and he said on top of the air conditioner, the big unit thing outside, he's like,

I'm going to set it right here. And I'm going to take this down to the curb. Do not touch the chainsaw.

And in my head, I said, was that a challenge? Listen to my husband and be obedient?

Or touch the chainsaw that he's obviously not going to let me touch? I literally walked around the corner.

As soon as I got him out of eyesight, man, I picked that thing up, and I went to town, and I saw him coming back, and I went to set it back down really fast.

And I missed the unit, and it busted off on the ground, and it broke. And he was so mad.

He was like, all I said was don't touch the chainsaw. And I was like, but you won't let me do nice things.

You won't let me do fun things. Do we have time for a short story? Are you defending yourself in this story? No, right now.

No, no, no. In the moment. In the moment. In the moment, I defended it.

I would have died defending that chainsaw. That's fantastic. There's a bell somewhere.

Ding, ding, ding. Ding, ding, ding. I'm going to come in. Short story involves a bedroom with 14 -foot ceilings with an 8 -foot ladder that we were painting.

And we simply said, we, as in me, Rebecca, probably even Kelton, Char, do not get on the ladder when we're not here.

I remember this. They don't let me have fun. It says they're not yours. Right. So I'm at work, and I get the phone call.

Mom has fallen off the ladder. I'd be so mad. So I come home. I'm cool.

I walk in. She can barely walk. She's saying her foot went flat as a table because it caught.

It did. It bent backwards like this. My toes came over the top. So not only did she get on the ladder, she went all the way to the top where the stickers say, do not go above here and use this as a step.

She then defies gravity and reaches back to paint a spot that if she had just moved the ladder, she could have touched.

And then she fell into the kennel, off the bed, bent her foot backwards, and Kelton comes running in going, what just happened?

I need to call dad. And I said, hold on. Maybe some divine judgment there. I said, maybe we shouldn't call your dad.

I'll be fine. I'm fine. He's like, mom, you don't look okay. I'm like, it's fine. Don't call your dad, please.

So guess who came home from work? I felt like a child. He came home from work. He left work. He left work and he came home.

And I was like, I'm in so much trouble. Divine judgment there. So look, um, anytime any of us act outside the rules, there will obviously be consequences.

We've talked about that before. Um, it's amazing. One of the judgments of Israel was that they would be run by women and children because the men wouldn't lead.

So they would receive the consequences of women having to take on roles. They were never meant to take on. That's why

I don't think women should be president because I'm like, wait, I know how

I am making decisions throughout the month. And I'm one way at one point in the month and another point. And I'm just like,

I don't trust anybody else on that side of things. Yeah. Um, you know, when it comes to, when it comes to that,

I think, and I said this at the beginning, one of the most important points to make is this, and this is where we're getting into Genesis two and probably some

Proverbs. When God created woman, Shane's about to talk about the purpose she was made for.

Right, Shane? Um, I want to remind you, the key word that Shane's going to read is the word help mate.

Remember, it is not a woman's job to submit to the man.

You have to, it's to your man. You know, it's interesting in the new Testament, there actually isn't a word for husband and wife in Ephesians five.

It's just your man and you're a woman. So if you go back and read Ephesians five 22, it says, wives submit to your own husbands.

It's, it's your own husbands. That is the man that is over that household. So it is always in that family unit because as Jesus is the head of the church.

Now, now follow along here. What happens with Jesus? Well, he died, he was buried.

He was ascended to the right hand of God. So the church, those all believers who are in union with him have died or raised to spiritual life and ascended to him.

Adam is the federal head of all man. So when Adam fell, we all fell. Well, husband's the federal head of his family.

So the spiritual life of a family ebbs and flows with the husband.

That is what the Bible says. This is why, and we've said this a million times. There are passages in the

Bible about what a believing woman should do. If she's married to an unbelieving man, there are not that much, except for one exception of what a believing man is supposed to do when he's married to an unbelieving woman.

There's only mentioned one time in the Bible because that doesn't happen often because nine times out of 10, when the man repents to the

Lord, the family will follow because he is a spiritual head. At any rate, Shane, talk to us a little bit about creation and Genesis 2.

I wish I could remember where, when you touched on the responsibilities and importance of the man, where is it that the husband disobeyed and not to go into detail, but not only did they go in and kill his wife, his children, relatives, heirs,

I mean, they went to like wipe out his whole mistake. His name was Akin, and you know how I remember that?

Tyler Workman used to tell me Akin was an Akin after the thing. Anyway, it was in Joshua.

So much was, you know, one gentleman, one guy's decision. Yes, it was in Joshua. After they won the battle of Jericho, you know,

Joshua fought the battle of Jericho, Anna? All right.

They went and they, God told them, don't take none of the spoil for yourself. The guy took the spoil. I think it's chapter 4 or 5 in Joshua.

And they go to Ai and they get wiped out. It's because he sinned.

And then, yeah, his whole family paid the price, which, of course, is the same way around when a man obeys.

That's why only Noah obeyed. And all of them got on the ark because of Noah's obedience.

Go ahead, bro. Genesis 2. Right. I got that. And I'm looking at verse 18.

Okay. Yeah, we'll start with 18. What I didn't, I guess, realize was that God presented all the animals to Adam.

Yeah. And he named them. And I guess I just kind of thought that, you know, then he was put into a deep sleep, you know, removed the rib, formed skin around it.

Well, the part that I didn't get, which is kind of cool and shows a little more respect to her is what did

God do after he formed Eve? He presented her. Yeah.

And it was kind of like, wow, you know, it's like, you know, God made that for me. You know, he made it for Adam.

So, and, you know, yes, the rib coming from makes it personal.

But I think God presenting really just made a gift. That's a good way of putting it.

He's welcome. I am officially calling myself your gift. The gift.

That's my new nickname. Only when you're fulfilling the role you're supposed to. I got you, bro.

Only when you're fulfilling the role you're supposed to. Verse 18. So anyway, yeah, that's where it just kind of,

I had to take a step back and just really appreciate what God had given me. So verse 18, it says, then

Yahweh God said, it is not good that a man should be alone. I will make a help mate or a helper for her for him.

Excuse me. So and Shane already read, you know, he brought every living creature to him.

But if you look, it says that he is still alone. Now, I want you to think about this for a minute.

And I've shared this before, but this just blows my mind. Actually, Shane and I talked about this a few days ago.

And I don't want to go too long on this, but it's, it's, I can do what I want. It's on the podcast, right?

So look, our son is 93 million miles away. Now, y 'all listen, especially if you've heard this before, just bear with me for a minute.

Lying with me. Our son is 93 million miles away. That son at 93 million miles away is hot enough to make me feel it in July and August here in Memphis.

Yes or no? Yes. Okay. 93 million miles away. It is an average size star.

In our galaxy, the Milky Way, there are approximately 100 billion stars.

Now, the problem with our government spending is we hear the word million and trillion and hear the same word and billion. Let me put that.

It's flipping. Let me help you. A million seconds is 11 days. One billion seconds is 27 and a half years.

I'm going to say that again. One million seconds is 11 days.

One billion seconds is 27 and a half years. In our galaxy, there are 100 billion stars.

Wait for it. There are approximately 1 trillion galaxies, each with billions or hundreds of billions of stars.

We're talking about numbers we don't even have words for. Now, when God had created all that by the breath of his mouth, and then the billions of creatures that he created on Earth, creatures that don't even exist anymore, that we can't even imagine, that we read about some of them in the

Bible that don't exist anymore and we're like, oh man, what did that look like? You know, we might read in Job, for example, in all the universe of every star on every planet in every corner of this universe, in every corner of this planet,

God said, it's not enough. There's still not something for Adam. So then after making all that in a breath,

God stops, forms a woman out of the rib of a man, crafts her with his hands, brings her to Adam, and Adam says, after seeing all the wonder that God had created,

Adam says in verse 23, at last, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

She'll be called woman for she's taken out of man. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and two will become one flesh.

Woman was created to be, verse 18, a helpmate for man. Women were created to be helpmate for men.

A woman, a man. Her job is to be his helpmate. And what's amazing, what's amazing about that?

Anna's job is not to be Shane's helpmate or Josiah's helpmate or anyone else on planet Earth.

It's to be her husband's helpmate. That's the call. That's the job. My job is not to love all women as Christ loved the church.

I can't. That's impossible. It's hard enough with the one. My job is to love my wife as Christ loved the church.

That's what marriage is. And by the way, when we make it anything else, we'll be grinding our gears.

That's how God made it. She's not also like, it's a two -way street.

I'm to be her helpmate also because I'm highly capable of doing the things that she needs to make her life easier.

When everybody's going through the Valentine love post on Facebook, I'll use terms like she's my road dog, she's my right hand, she's my backup.

I'm thinking of that sign you have in your house. The long one that Tracy gave us?

Yeah. I mean, she is so many things, but yet I hold the mirror to myself and I go, but I'm supposed to be those for her too.

Y 'all are companions. Yes. That's the phraseology. Y 'all are companions. Yeah. And when I was talking, and Anna will remember this,

I'm sure, because apparently she has a really good freaking memory. It's probably because she's so young. But when we did the women's thing, we talked a little bit about the helpmate that the wife is for her husband.

And that is something that I sometimes struggle with, is being emotionally available for my husband.

Man, I just struggle in it. It's just not my strong suit. Those moments of vulnerability and being a safe place for my husband to be able to come to and have, because y 'all are men, but you still have things that you guys struggle with that we don't struggle with.

But I need to be a safe place for him to have, hey, I kind of had a bad day today.

Can we talk about that? I think that's such an off thing that men just, hey, we had bad days, we don't talk about it.

But my husband has physical needs, he has emotional needs, and I'm supposed to be there for those things.

And I think that we struggle sometimes understanding some of that.

And that's intimacy, that's different levels of intimacy. I think there's a lot of things that until we start really searching and seeking what it is to be a helpmate, it's just an easy word to throw around.

Oh, I'm his helpmate, okay, well, cool, I'm going to help him do whatever he's got to do today. No, he's got a whole, he's a whole person with a whole bunch of things, and I got to help him.

Yeah, helpmate doesn't just mean holding a flashlight to change a pipe. Right, right, like your kid can do that. Presley held the flashlight for Shane.

Stop playing, Presley can't hold no flashlight. She did, she held the flashlight. Naomi can hold the flashlight for me, come on. She could, she could.

She'd blind herself and then cry about it. Not well. She can hold it, but not well. You had some wisdom to share from Proverbs, didn't you?

I think you did. I did. It's funny though, because I only shared one in Sunday school one Sunday, and then my young men in our

Sunday school class thought it was fun as a challenge to go find more. Oh, I'm sure. Seth was one of them.

You know what you need to do? Let them have it, and then the next week do the opposite. Yeah, I don't know. Are there a whole lot of them?

Yes, yes. I haven't looked, I'm going to have to look now. They might not be as funny for you, but yes. Right.

The two that I have, the two that I have, they do hit me pretty hard, because I don't know that I'm a nagger.

Don't look to him for answers. I am, I'm looking at my husband like, answer the question carefully.

Read your Proverbs, and then we'll decide if you are. Proverbs 27, 15.

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike. Well, I'll be honest,

I can be quarrelsome sometimes I think, but until I really thought about what that continual dripping was,

I don't know if you've ever just, it's not raining, but it's not drizzle, like it's just ongoing as I am right now, but it just doesn't stop, like that little heavier than a drizzle, just all day kind of stuff, and it just ruins your whole day.

Just annoying. It's just annoying. It ruins your whole entire day. You can't go outside. You can't enjoy anything. It's just muggy, and then

I started thinking, I'm like, oh my God, that's what I sound like. She just reminded me. Do you remember when Elena came on here? Most annoying thing.

Do you remember when Elena came on here and goes, the time I recognized where I need to respect my husband more is when I heard myself talk.

She said, do you remember that? She goes, I heard myself talk. She goes, that's what he has to listen to. Right. Yeah, I need to fix that.

It's like, gosh. Yeah, when I realized about that rain, I was like, oh my gosh.

I am that annoying. It's not sunny. It's not hot. Dude, let me tell you something. The book of Proverbs can do that for all of us.

You start reading it, and it's like, if you do this, you're like this. You're like, oh, crap. Like the book of Proverbs will do that to you.

Well, fortunately with her, the dripping turns into a sunny day, then turns into a rain cloud, then turns into a cloudy day.

It's like Memphis weather. He just called me crazy. The dripping, though, it's focused.

It's not crazy. It just changes. So if you give her a few minutes just to get it out, it turns into something good.

There you go. Okay. See? Thank you. Proverbs 21 .9. It is better to live in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

So I can put you in an attic next time? No, he can put you in the attic. It's better for you to live in the corner of the attic.

Brother Jeff called me 220 pounds. I can't do that. Yeah. Yeah, 220 pounds. That's how much he weighs.

That's what it said in the sermon this morning. That is what he said. But when I think about it, and I think about the nagging or the arguing or just the stuff, and I'm like, man, my husband would rather be so far away from me in the most uncomfortable spot.

Like when I think – and I've gone up in our attic a whole bunch. I go up there. And that back corner is so narrow and so short, right?

Like you can't stand up. There's no airflow. There's no floor cracks. It's just that tight little corner back there where the squirrels and the attic bugs go.

And I'm like, he'd rather be over there than in the house with me. Right. Did you say attic bugs?

I did. All right, attic bugs. Spiders. They're addicted to something. They're attic bugs. Notice all the laughter.

By the way, on the Witton app, there is a survey, and one of the questions is, who's the funniest pastor?

Download the Witton Baptist – You keep pushing it, and nobody's going to vote for you. I didn't know it was her turn. Download the Witton Baptist Church app and take the survey and make sure you answer the questions correctly.

Pay attention to them. Yeah, you know, someone once told me, if you feel like you're doing good spiritually, read

Proverbs. It'll center you back real quick. It's like a slap. Same with the book of James. The book of James centers me.

Dude, I read that. I get through like chapter 1 and chapter 3, and I'm like, Let's find a different book of the

Bible today. I'm just kidding. All right. Hey, what else have we got on submission, guys? Well, if that be the case,

I've just got – Second? I think we're good. Okay, I've got one more thing. We're probably going to have to save adoption for next time because we're about to actually run out of time, but I think what we'll do is finish up Anna.

It's coming close to time. You want to save adoption for another time? All right. So let's round this out, shall we?

Let's all have our final words, and we'll start with Shara since she wants to go first.

Our final words on submission, it can be your last words, however you want, what you've learned, or encouragement you would have to anyone listening to this on how to deal with that.

Okay. Go ahead, Shara. I'm not ready to go first. But Anna's going second, so it's okay. She should go first.

Oh, okay. She asked you to go first. Come on. You can do it, Anna. Well, my question was going to be just that, is what, especially with your daughter, you know, she just got married to someone who's not the biological father of the child, but he was taking that role in, what would be a piece of advice you would give to her?

You want me or Shane? Or people like her in general who may be listening to this. I have watched, if I may, just for a second, on their relationship, and I have watched both of them grow, you know, just tremendously.

When they started talking about marriage and adoption in that sense, I just, it was such a clear image of grace and forgiveness in that relationship.

And I remember telling her, men that are willing to love you despite your mistakes, your past, whatever, men that are willing to love you and your child that is not their child are special and they are rare.

And I see him the way he is with her and the way he is with that sweet baby.

And I have no doubt in my mind that he is going to be a great dad and a great husband.

I have told my daughter, after she had the baby, she and I sat and we talked, and I apologized to her for some of the mistakes that I made as a mom, you know.

And I explained to her, there are gonna come times where, and you may not even do it on purpose, but it will come into your mind at the least when he's getting on to her.

And you in your head will go, you're not her dad. Because I did that, right?

Shane adopted my kids. And for my entire time that they were,

I can remember being in counseling and going, well, they're my kids. Why is he trying to punish them?

And it was no longer that they were - Because they were bad. It was no longer that they were my kids.

They were his kids. And he adopted those kids and that became their father.

And it's the same thing. And so I just told her to try to remember he is her father.

That is the only father she's ever gonna have. And to try not to let that be the thought process, right?

But to respect him and his position as her husband and as Nova's father.

Because it will. And he and I have talked about it. We're like, hey, how do you think this will pan out?

Do you think they'll have some of those issues or will they not because they've been together since before the baby was born?

You know, he already said Kelton was 12 and Austin was eight and Mikayla was three.

So, I mean, it was kind of a different - Working behind the eight ball a little bit. A little bit, you know. So, but yeah,

I just have tried to tell her, you know, make sure, and she's done a lot of study on what it is to be a godly wife.

Yes, she has. And I'm hoping that they're coming into it from the perspective now of -

I didn't have that perspective when Shane and I first got married, right? Like, I still - I just had no clue of anything.

So, I had to learn all of that. And I'm hoping that the time that she's taking to invest in what it is to be a godly wife and a godly parent, that they'll continue to apply.

And we're having those conversations with them. And hey, if you get confused - It will pay dividends.

Yeah. It will. I don't know if that answered your question. I'm sorry.

No, it did. The question was, final thoughts to give to anyone who's - In that situation. Who's listening to this, just any final thoughts or advice you'd give.

So, go ahead, Shane, and then I'll finish. Kind of on the flip side, being the man of the house, we'll call it that, submission goes into your employer also.

I've been a police officer and have now been under four different mayors, probably on my fifth or sixth chief.

And I've got lieutenants and captains and inspectors. And I've got so many people that -

Are over you. Are over me. And I've been through the bad leadership. And right now,

I'm dealing with a lot of really good leaders. And you see the atmosphere become positive.

And there's always going to be some grumbling. But when you've got those people in the right spots, it makes for a productive and positively energizing workplace.

So, you kind of get - When you have a wife that is, not to belittle the term, in her role, or she'll say in her lane, it tends to energize the family, the household, and make you, okay, well, what's next?

Well, how can we improve on this? Because you want to keep moving forward. Are you going to get knocked back? Definitely.

But she and I can regroup, refoot, and move forward again. So, submission, obedience, they go hand in hand.

There's your word breakdown for one word we've turned into a whole conversation topic. Yeah, I mean, look,

I've seen this before. Employees never respect the boss that tells them to be on time when he's late every day.

No child will ever obey God because you tell them to, if you're not obeying

God. No child will obey God if a mother who doesn't obey her husband is not obeying

God. No child will obey God if a husband or if a father who says he's supposed to be a leader who doesn't lead when it gets tough.

No child will respect that. It's the same across human nature. If I had to give two final thoughts to this, or I'll just do one.

I said this recently. In my brain,

I came up with this this morning, and I think I'm going to stick with it. In my brain, I think the three most important sentences that can be said that we all need to abide by all have three words in them.

I love you. Figure it out, and I've got it. And here's what I mean by that. I think I love you.

That's a topic for another podcast. Figure it out's a topic for another podcast, but apart from I love you,

I believe those are the three most important words my father ever told me. Figure it out. I have learned a lot from those three words.

But here's the phraseology. How many years? I've got it.

When a husband says I've got it, what that should convey,

Rachel and I have gotten this down pretty good. That is a gentle way of saying back off, get out of the way.

But it's a gentle way of saying that. Yes. I've got it means back off and get out of the way.

But not in a because you're too stupid. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. The flip side of that, men, and this is where so many men go wrong.

That is not an excuse to procrastinate on having to do something and make a decision. You can't say I've got it and then nothing gets done for three weeks and then claim, oh, well, she's just not submitting to me.

That's some bull crap. That's not an excuse for passivity. If you utter those words, that should be, literally, she should not have to worry about it.

If someone asks her about it, she goes, oh, my husband's got it. That's the last time it needs to be said. And then wait for it, gentlemen.

It actually has to get done. Otherwise, we start sounding like the rainy day. Yes, yes. There you go. That way you shift blame.

Good job for her. No, I'm just kidding. That has to be, that has to be that level of trust.

All right. Can I say one more thing? I'm sorry. We have a couple seconds. You kind of said it earlier, and I have had conversations here, even here, with women who have husbands or who had husbands at the time that were not believers and trying to understand what that submission is.

And our submission is first to the Lord. And then by our obedience, husbands can be won over for salvation.

Yes. And so we don't have an excuse to go, well, my husband's not saved, so I don't have to be obedient.

I don't have to submit. Yes, you do. You have to submit to the Lord. And when you do that, and you are in a state of obedience, and you are doing what you were supposed to be doing, your husband will see those things.

And sometimes we'll, you know. Don't use it as an excuse. I don't have to.

Exactly right. Anna, did we cover everything? All right, look, guys. As always, please like, share, subscribe, do all that stuff.

People did that plenty with Brandon and Johnny's episodes. Those are doing rather well. So if you like what we're doing, let us know.

If you don't like what we're doing, let us know. So we can improve. Look, that's what we want to do.

We want to speak about the standards of God's words in a way that's real, in a way that's relatable, in a way that all of us are trying to do now.

We are just walking along the same path. That's what we're trying to do. Thank you guys for listening today. So until next time,

Deuces. You've got to talk in the microphone. So move it this way like I have. You.