The School of Everyday Christianity 1: How to Seek Forgiveness

Welcome to the School of Everyday Christianity, where we apply the Bible and Christian teaching to problems, situations, and questions that people face in the course of everyday life.

Today our question is, how do we seek forgiveness? You see, too many people paper over their sins and the sins of others, and that sin never actually gets dealt with in any meaningful way.

So what happens is these sins build up over time, and that leads to frustration and bitterness and anger in a relationship.

It's kind of like a basement where everybody's junk just accumulates over the years, and so our lives get cluttered and messy with our sins and the sins of other people because we don't deal with them.

But unlike the basement, which might just be a little bit messy, our life and sin clutter is also a fire hazard.

And so just one spark could just set it all ablaze, and before you can get it under control, a friendship, a family relationship, a marriage, it all gets burned up.

And so we need to learn how to deal with our sin and how to seek forgiveness for our sins and how to extend forgiveness when others sin against us.

But because it's always better to deal with our own problems first, we're going to begin with this lesson about how to seek forgiveness, and the next time we'll look at how to extend forgiveness to someone else.

And so how do we seek forgiveness? Well, the first thing we have to do is we have to name the sin.

We want to name it. We want to name it how the Bible names it. So no euphemisms for sin, no generalities about it, no vague notions of, you know,

I kind of messed up. No, we want to name the specific thing that we did, and we want to name it according to how the

Bible names it. So we don't want to say, you know, well, you know, I kind of messed up. I kind of acted up.

I didn't act right. No, we want to say, you know what? I was angry and I lost self -control.

Because anger and self -control, those are the biblical names for what happened. So we want to name the sin.

Second thing we want to do is confess it. We want to go to the person that we sinned against, and we want to tell them what we did.

So I stole from you, or I lied to you, or I slandered you to that other person.

So we want to own what we did and take responsibility for it. So we name it and we confess it.

And then the third thing we want to do is we want to acknowledge any harm that was done. And so we go to them and say, because I did this, this other thing happened to you.

Or when I said that hurtful thing, whatever it was, I imagine you felt like this.

Or because I did this thing, it cost you this. Let them know that you understand that actions have consequences and that your sinful actions led to this bad consequence for them.

So I want to acknowledge any harm that was done. Fourth thing we want to do is express regret, express remorse.

This is when you tell them, I'm very sorry. I really wish I wouldn't have done that.

I'm really sorry about that. It's amazing how hard it is for some people to actually voice that, say that out loud.

And it's also amazing how powerful it is and potent it is for bringing reconciliation when someone does.

And so you express remorse and regret and tell them that you're sorry. The next thing you want to do is express to them, tell them how you're going to make it right.

And so you tell them, I'm going to pay you back the money that I stole, plus a little bit extra.

I'm going to go to that person that I slandered you to, and I'm going to set the record straight.

Now, not every sin has an opportunity to tangibly make it right. But when that opportunity is there, we need to tell them that that's what we're going to do.

And then we need to go do it. So we express to them, tell them how we're going to make it right. And then the last thing is you ask them, will you please forgive me?

Will you forgive me? You're putting yourself out there and asking them to please forgive you.

Here's the thing. Forgiveness always costs something, and it always costs the one who is doing the forgiving. So you're asking them to give you a really generous gift in forgiving your sin.

And so this is hard, but it's necessary to do. Now, if the answer is yes, they forgive you, then you've reconciled with the person.

So praise God. If they say no, then you've done what is required of you, and they trust

God. Now, you remember that it was your sin that led to this particular rift. And so you accept their answer graciously, and maybe tell them you hope that they'll change their mind soon.

But you can accept their answer, move on with a clean conscience, because you've done everything that is, you know, as far as it depends on you, you're trying to live at peace with them.

You're doing everything you can to try to reconcile with them. So you can move on with a clean conscience and then just commit to praying for them that God will give them a change of heart.

But you want to ask, will you please forgive me? And that's how you biblically seek forgiveness in a way that actually deals with the sin.

This is how God tells us to deal with sin. We don't just kind of sweep it under the rug. It needs to be forgiven.

And it can be forgiven because Christ died for those sins. And so you'll notice that in this, we've been talking about seeking forgiveness from our neighbor, but we first need to seek forgiveness from God.

And so we want to confess those sins to God, knowing that if we confess our sins to God, then he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

But we need to make sure that we are confessing and seeking forgiveness in a biblical way. And so you notice there was no negotiated half confessions.

There was no excuses or, you know, that wasn't the real me, because let's face it, that was the real you.

So we need to deal with that. That's what we need to deal with. There was no, yeah,

I did that to you, but it was kind of your fault. Just genuine seeking forgiveness. And that's what we need to do.

We also need to be the type of people who, because Christ forgives us, we want to imitate that in forgiving others.

So next time we're going to talk about how to extend forgiveness to someone else. This is the