TLP 552: Expectational Education, Part 5 | The Moment of AH!

What I'm about to say is a crazy notion I proposed to various teachers. I'm not completely serious about it, but the reactions you have to this suggestion will tell me an awful lot about you.

Parenting isn't about us. In fact, parenting isn't even about our kids. Parenting is just one way

Christian dads and moms are to worship God. So welcome to the Truth, Love, Parent podcast, where we train dads and moms to give

God the preeminence in their parenting. Welcome to the final episode of this introductory series to Expectational Education.

Expectational Education is the philosophy that I have been creating and honing and researching for the past 30 -some years.

Today we're going to look at the end goal of Expectational Education as well as some logistical considerations, and we're going to consider some of my favorite test cases from my years of research and testing.

As always, today's episode will have free show notes, a transcript, and a bunch of related resources linked in the description.

And if you're just joining us, please press pause and go back to episode 548 and start this series at the beginning.

Very little we're going to say today is going to be helpful for you if it's divorced from the other foundational concepts we've discussed.

So let's talk about the all -important AH moment. One of my favorite education quotes goes something like this,

I'm not here to teach you what you need to know. I'm here to teach you what you don't know and instill in you a lifelong desire to learn it.

This complements the old adage about teaching people how to fish. We need to care more about the person's character, their heart, their spiritual maturity, their attitude about learning and help them become people who want to glorify

God in their lives. Those people are set up for success in every facet of their existence. The AH moment is the first step in that process of helping a child understand that they really can be more than they thought they could be.

They really can be smarter, cooler, more skilled, more successful, and Lord willing, more godly than they thought was possible.

As our employees and students and children and friends have their first AH moment, hopefully followed by many more, it will light a fire under them to try and accomplish much more.

But the AH moment always comes in two phases. Too often educators and parents and pastors never push for the second phase and so they hit a wall with the people they're supposed to be leading.

So what is the AH moment and what are the two phases? Good question. But before we answer them, let's not forget that this series has been brought to you by MyPillow.

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And that's the kind of what the AH moment really is. It's like a sigh of satisfaction and relief.

It's the exclamation we make when we overcame and achieved something we thought was impossible.

The A stands for appropriately and the H stands for high and the AH moment is a moment of exhilaration that comes from seeing the student on the right track.

Number one, the first phase. The first phase of the AH moment comes when the authority identifies and establishes the correct appropriately high expectations.

They have biblically and historically accurate understanding of what the people in their lives should be able to accomplish. They've identified as best as they can the person's cognitive and spiritual maturity.

They've implemented the high expectations they believe are appropriate. And now they are seeing that the individual is actually capable of growing into those expectations.

But please understand that this process is a marathon. Sometimes we quickly and correctly identify the right expectations and they immediately start thriving.

But sometimes the individual fails for one of two reasons. A, our expectations may be too high and we finally realize they're not actually capable to achieve them or B, the individual's attitude is still wrong and they're still immaturely pushing back against the expectations.

In these situations, it's important to remember what we established last time. The heart is far more important than what some people call the head.

The spiritual maturity is more important than the cognitive maturity. And if we can only focus on one, if there's going to be a hill on which we die, it will need to be the spiritual maturity.

I'm not willing to fight for someone to achieve their potential in academics if they're not interested in glorifying God with it.

Sure, I believe we parents owe our children the education God expects of us and if we're teachers, we have a job to do. But pushing a spiritually immature person to greatness is very, very hard and I believe bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the

Lord is a more important battle. We can help them thrive in their academics at any point that they become willing to submit to God's high expectations in their lives.

And most of the time we won't have lost much academic ground, especially if the individual is younger. But Lord willing, when we've correctly identified the appropriate high expectations for this person and we've begun implementing it and helping them to achieve the goals, we teachers can start to see pretty early on whether we've set an attainable goal and whether or not the student is on the right trajectory.

And that's the first phase of the ah moment, when the authority figure says, ah, yes, this is the right track.

Just remember the ah moment is the result of not merely prior research, but also real -time experience. The research persuades the authority of what is possible and the real -time experience helps us test the expectations to see how appropriate they are.

Number two, the second phase. The next phase of the ah moment will not be fully achieved until the educator helps the student experience the same ah moment for themselves.

Despite the fact that the student may be growing and experiencing verifiable successes, sometimes the weight of the new system distracts them.

It's like the feeling you might have in the middle of a marathon. You're not comfortable. You're not happy.

The runner's high is a myth you're telling yourself and you were wishing it were over. Since most people have no idea what their best really is, and since they've only ever had people giving them low or moderate expectations, then legitimate goals will be more than they've ever undertaken before.

However, when the teacher consistently implements and updates as necessary the appropriate high expectations, the individuals will eventually experience their ah moment when they start to thrive and mature in the skill in front of them.

And again, this can be academics. It can be in an on -the -job skill. It can be a relational skill.

It can be a spiritual skill. It can be anything. This educational philosophy applies to every area of life.

So that's what we're working toward. The ah moment represents the first time the individual starts to believe that they really are capable of doing much more than they thought was possible to the glory of God and through the power of God.

It's a really exciting moment for the student, and it's even more exciting moment for the teacher. And there should be many of these moments.

That which is an appropriate high expectation now will likely be too low later. We always have to be re -evaluating what our best is and growing into the next challenge.

Therefore, there should be multiple ah moments all throughout our lives. It's the moment the student is realizing just how much they have to learn and experiencing, maybe for the first time in their lives, a deep desire to learn it to the very best of their ability.

Now, let's discuss number three, logistical concerns. It's at this point in my teaching where there end up being a lot of questions that tend to fall into three main categories.

These questions are all geared toward the various dynamics that must be understood in order to successfully achieve this ah moment for all students involved.

These questions are a big concern to those who are dealing with more than one child, more than one student, more than one employee, or more than one counselee, or more than one church member.

Now, let me tell you that I won't be able to answer any of these questions in any significant detail or maybe at all.

Those answers end up being the meat and potatoes of the system and the coaching I offer. Not only that, but each classroom and family is going to be different.

There absolutely cannot be a one size fits all approach to this because we need to use both the universal and the individual approaches.

I'm putting these questions out there because if you have had any of the same questions, then you're in perfect place to take the next step and get some personalized coaching.

The first category of questions is A, academic dynamics. How do

I create a curriculum that has all the appropriate high expectations? Homeschoolers will have no issue with this question because so many of them are used to piecemealing their curriculum.

It's less intuitive for classroom teachers, but the same approach can be taken even if you're using a standardized curriculum.

There will be students who legitimately should be doing more because they're capable of doing more. So, give it to them, even if everyone's using the same book.

What I'm about to suggest is a crazy notion I've proposed to various teachers. I'm not completely serious about it, but the reactions you and your students would have to this suggestion will tell me an awful lot about you.

Imagine identifying the appropriate high expectations of each of your students, and then say that you will be teaching the same material, but that the students get to choose what their grade will be.

If they choose to be in the C group, and that's the grade that they will get. And if they do their best, they know that they will receive a

C on every assignment as long as they're in that group. The same goes for the B and A groups.

Obviously the amount of work increases and the expectations for the quality of work increases in the higher groups. Obviously if a student in any grade doesn't do their best, they can receive lower grades.

Now again, you can imagine some of the really good and really terrible responses people could have to this system. And I'm not saying the system is inherently a good idea, but I am saying that it's an example of how a teacher can give individualized expectations even when they're all using the same curriculum.

And the various good and bad responses to the suggestion would reveal the spiritual maturity of the individuals making them.

Another question is, it's still early. How do I know if the student is going to thrive and mature? You know, everything will be fine if they're just simply submitting to the process of trying something new.

It's going to be hard and there will be some kind of failure, but if the individual is willing to learn and be taught, you're in a great place.

I've always said if the goal is to get to the top of the ladder, I will take a student who's on the bottom rung and who has a desire to get to the top any day over a student who's on the second rung from the top, but who is complacent and okay staying right where they are.

And everyone eventually asks, how can I know if I'm simply demanding failure, reinforcing complacency and or forcing failure in a new way?

Again, my friends, it's a process. But here's the good news. If the child is participating in the process, like I just said, you'll know the expectations are too low if they're achieving them with greater ease than you expected.

And even if the expectations are too high and the student is failing, if they're doing it to the best of their ability, that has been a really important spiritually valuable growing experience for them.

Now, I'm not making excuses for trying to force our kids to do things they legitimately can't do. But I am saying that God uses all of the trials and tribulations in our lives to mature us.

So even if we're expecting too much, that doesn't mean the process has to be wasted. And of course, when we are evaluating the expectations and their performance, we need to be wise and humble enough to change the expectations if we see they might be too high.

That's not to say we won't be able to grow into it later, but we can always re -evaluate.

Expectational education is a perpetual process of identifying and implementing appropriate high expectations so the student can do their best to the glory of God.

The next category of questions has to do with B, maturity dynamics. Some ask, how do

I prepare polite, antagonistic, and destructive students to thrive and mature? Listen, if you're asking the question, you obviously need assistance figuring it out.

Do not be hesitant to invite someone into the process to help you identify and implement the right expectations for your polite, antagonistic, and destructive students.

It will be a case -by -case basis process, and it's good to have a team. This is basically what

I do in biblical counseling, discipling, and coaching. People say, I don't have the answer to this, and I say, let's open

God's word to find what the answer is because he promises everything we need for life and godliness is there.

Some ask the very insightful question, how do I protect the polite, antagonistic, and destructive students from themselves while I'm trying to prepare them to thrive and mature?

I answered this question in part earlier when I said that focusing on their spiritual maturity is always going to be a better use of your time than academics.

Even when I was a teacher in a school, if behavioral -slash -heart issues came up in class, I always addressed them.

It didn't matter if we didn't finish the lesson. There was an important truth that needed to be learned and submitted to.

If it were a one -on -one thing, I always made it very clear that I will not tutor someone who has proven they have no interest in spiritual maturity.

This is the idea of revolving priorities that I talk about all the time, and I encourage you to check out the episodes that involve revolving priorities to learn what it is and how to use it.

And then there's the question, what if a student has the ability to be influential but is polite, antagonistic, or destructive by choice or conditioning?

What's the balance? The balance is always found in identifying what beliefs are at the root of their lives that is causing them to miss the mark

God has for them. That will always be the most important piece of the puzzle. And then there are those who have questions about C, classroom dynamics.

Some examples include, how do I implement all the different appropriate high expectations with a classroom full of students?

I will introduce this answer by saying that the one -room schoolhouse approach actually had it right. All the students were right there and the teacher was able to take a more individualized approach to the education.

This is the same for a house with more than one child. You don't get your kids in shifts. They're all there all the time and you're going to have to identify which expectations are appropriately high for each based off their cognitive and spiritual maturity.

My earlier observation about the A, B, and C grouping of students also applies to this question. Even when you're using a standardized curriculum, there are always ways to modify the appropriate expectations for each student.

Some ask how do I juggle preparation and protection of a classroom with influential, polite, antagonistic, and destructive students?

Well, the simplest answer I can give is about prioritizing again, the spiritual expectations. Those who want to be engaged in learning and in a learning environment and benefit everyone else who's there will have the opportunity to do so, but those who take away from that environment will have to experience the consequences.

And lastly, how do I prepare and protect the students from antagonistic and destructive students? The answer to this question is the same as the last.

Some students need to be dismissed from the classroom for a time or the school for a semester. Consequences hurt, but they are a very necessary part of successful education.

I've even counseled parents who had children they were not successfully managing to consider sending them to a biblical Christian boarding school like Victory Academy for Boys.

Yes, we took care of their education at Victory, but their spiritual maturity was our main focus and that allowed the parents to focus on the kids who were trying to do their best back at home.

And of course, you probably have many more questions than the ones I've just shared with you. Listen, most systems out there are a one -size -fits -all system, but that rarely works ever.

This philosophy is about equipping people to do their best to the glory of God, and some trees bear 30 -fold, some 60 -fold, and some 100 -fold.

Learning what the trees under your care can and should bear and then equipping them to do so is your job.

So if you need assistance, please reach out. And now I want to end by sharing with you my two favorite test cases from all my years of research.

Now, keep in mind that I have utilized this philosophy as a martial arts instructor, regional training manager at Panera Bread Company, elementary teacher, middle school teacher, and high school teacher.

I've used it training actors, I've used it training counselors and teachers, I've used it running my own day camp, and I use it in this ministry.

I use it in my biblical counseling, and I've used it in my teaching and preaching and discipling within the church. I've taught thousands of individuals over the past 30 years, and I've seen the ideals of this philosophy prove themselves true over and over again.

Every single time someone was conscientious, he was successful. Every time she fought the system, she failed.

But my two favorite examples to use are my own children. Now, some of you will be tempted to dismiss everything that comes next because you're convinced that my kids are probably natural geniuses who cannot be compared with everyone else.

But that is categorically not true. Yes, in many ways, my children could be considered learned geniuses, at least compared to some, but they still have so much to learn, and their ability to learn is molded completely within the framework of expectational education.

And it's because of that reason that they are my favorite test cases, not because they're my children, but because they've had the experience of being able to be in expectational education for their entire life and nearly every facet of their life.

I went into parenting excited to enter into a longitudinal study with my kids. Who better to analyze than a test case completely immersed in the system?

Many of you are familiar with my children's academic journey, so I don't want to focus on that too much. I will say, though, that my son graduated from high school at the age of 15 and my daughter at the age of 13.

My son took his first college course when he was 13, and my daughter did the same when she was 11. They both are six credits away from being college sophomores at Bob Jones University.

My son has a 4 .0, my daughter is in the high threes. Beyond that, they have been trained in music, art, the martial arts, and sports.

I've taught my kids to ski and whitewater raft, and my now 14 -year -old daughter was the youngest player in our church's adult softball league.

They have been taught how to care for bees, how to garden, and how to care for various pets and farm animals.

They both paint and draw, and know how to knit and crochet. In fact, as I was working on my notes,

I actually walked through my house and saw my now 17 -year -old son crocheting something. They both have post -graduate reading levels.

In fact, they both read quite a lot, but my daughter is absolutely voracious and very accelerated in her reading. My son is working on about three books right now, but my daughter quite often has at least four books in process.

They both have written poetry, and whereas my daughter loves to write fiction, my son enjoys writing nonfiction. They both also know how to sew and have worked extensively in my mother's drapery workroom.

My son has worked a year as the youngest employee with the local contractor. They are both trained in singing and acting.

My son will be traveling with the Logos Theater this fall. He'll be in a production of Pilgrim's Progress at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D .C.

He'll also be in a production of The Acclaimed Horse and His Bloy, performing in Taylor's in South Carolina, Pensacola, Florida, and at the

Ark Encounter in Kentucky. In The Horse and His Bloy, he's going to be playing Corrin. And then when he's done traveling with the theater company, he'll be attending

Bob Jones University in the spring semester to study pastoral ministry. My daughter will be continuing her online university courses this fall in hopes to major in women's ministries and have a theater minor.

She's also talked a lot about maybe majoring in biblical counseling, and they both have their sights already set on grad school.

They both have their spiritual strengths and weaknesses. They're not perfect by any means, but they're also both generally kind, great with kids, and fantastic with adults.

I'm very proud of my kids, but this is not about me bragging. I can tell you without a doubt, had they been involved in a typical public school, they would have been very typical public school students.

I'm not saying they wouldn't have been sanctified in their faith had they been born again, but I have some very significant concerns about how they may have turned out in that environment.

In the past, they have both been very easily influenced for good and for bad. If they had grown up in a typical

Christian school environment or homeschool household, they would have been exactly what you would have expected. You hear that?

They would have been exactly what you would have expected. The only real difference is that they weren't in those settings.

They were in a home that expected greatness from them because God expects greatness from them.

And by his grace, they have risen to the challenge placed in front of them. Like I mentioned on a previous episode, the biggest struggles in their education was not algebra or their college history class.

It was their responses to the difficulty of the classes. Helping them respond correctly to the pressures in their lives enabled them to overcome the challenges and grow through them.

But it's taken a lot of evaluation and reevaluation on my part. The process whereby I came to decide what material they should be learning every year was constantly evolving.

Halfway through their seventh grade year, my wife and I stopped the junior high material and put them into ninth grade because we knew it was an appropriate high expectation.

When my daughter was 11 and taking her first college course, she was also simultaneously learning to type. I realized very quickly that her brain was moving too fast for her fingers and assignments were taking her laboriously too long.

So I spoke with her professor and suggested that she dictate to me what she wanted to write. I would type it out as she spoke and then she could go in after and make any changes or corrections she needed to make.

Of course, she was still doing her typing practice. Her professor gave his consent and after only one semester, she no longer had to dictate it to me.

She was able to type much faster. I was always having to determine if this material was something

I had to teach them, something they could learn on their own, or something I would just have to tutor them in. Sometimes I would completely change assignments from the book to create a project that would result in them learning the material better.

I never assigned homework. I think the majority of what is called homework today is not helpful at all. And I made their spiritual growth the main focus of every lesson, assignment, project, and experience.

Now, again, this is not about braggadocio. This is me simply illustrating that the expectational education system works.

Even when I failed, and I did, I failed so many times. I do fail so many times as a parent. I set the wrong expectations.

I give too low. I give too high. I'm a bad example for my kids. I sin and it's a terrible, awful thing.

This, again, this is not about some type of bragging. This is just simply to say that the system works.

I've seen it work for hundreds of people and it can work for your kids because it's the system that God designed.

So in conclusion, this is not about me selling a system. There is no system to actually sell you.

There's nothing for you to buy. Sure, you can have me coach you in this process and you can have me train your people and speak at your conferences, but this is more about you recognizing that your kids are capable of so much more than the world has admitted.

God has amazing expectations for them and they could have truly blessed and enriching life experiences if we only give them to our kids.

If nothing else, please continue to do your research. Look at the biblical and historical expectations for young people.

Carefully consider your children's cognitive and spiritual maturity. Make their salvation and conformity to Christ's preeminent in your parenting.

Become an intentional, premeditated, disciple -making, ambassador -parent for God and you will one day reap the harvest of your faithful worship to Him.

Please share this episode on your favorite social media outlets so that more and more people can learn about Expectational Education.

If you are interested in having me work with you one -on -one or in a group setting, please email counselor at truthloveparent .com

or leave a voicemail at 828 -423 -0894. And continue learning with us this season.

We're going to be talking a lot about maturity and developmental stages and thinking and reasoning.

In fact, our next episode is entitled, Do Your Kids Know What It Is to Think? Teaching our kids to think is foundational to their being able to learn, so I look forward to meeting with you then.

Until then though, expect great things from your family and watch God bless. Truth Love Parent is part of the

Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you worship God through your parenting. So join us next time as we study

God's Word to learn how to parent our children for life and godliness. And remember that TLP is a listener -supported ministry.