TLP 89: Discipline that Softens the Heart

Reproof is actually designed to soften hearts. Only defiant act of self-willed rebellion can repeatedly harden a heart against Christ-honoring.

Discipline.

Welcome to Truth.

Love.

Parents.

Where we use God's Word to become intentional, premeditated parents. Here's your host, AM Brewster.

The Difference Between Punishment and Biblical Correction

Thank you for joining us today. On episode 74, right smack in the middle of our series on peaceful parenting, we discussed punishment versus correction. I recommend you give it a listen if you haven't already, because it's very important we parents understand the difference between punishment and correction and grasp what biblical discipline looks like.

We also did a series on the four children on episodes 55 through 59. During that discussion, we talked about how the hard-hearted child, the rocky-hearted child, and the thorny-hearted child all need the soil of their hearts cultivated.

We all want soft-hearted children, and though we don't have the direct control over the softening process, we do play a very important role in it. Today we're expanding on those two subjects with the topic, discipline that softens the.

Heart.

But we'll get to that in just a minute. Do you remember when Natasha Crane visited us for a three-part series on children's devotionals, her first book, Keeping Your Kids on God's Side, and a parenting Q &A?

It was a fantastic discussion. I highly suggest you hop over to episodes 65 to 67 and check them out. Well, I'm honored to say that I was invited with a large group of like-minded individuals to join the launch team for her new book, Talking With Your Kids About God.

Let me start by saying that it's an amazing read with rich material and so helpful conversation starters and very applicable guides. I cannot wait to share this resource with you when it's finally in stores.

But I wanted to take a minute and share some very sweet things that Natasha has been saying about TLP on social media. She's posted a couple times recently. One time she said,. And then she also said,.

We just want to say a big thank you to Natasha for spreading the word about TLP, but we want to thank her even more really for the work she's doing in training us parents to become Christian apologists and helping us train our children to be the same.

And I want to say thank you to those of you who have swung by on Natasha's encouragement. We hope you stick around and are blessed by the visit. Okay, so what kind of discipline softens the heart? I'd like to make an application from just one passage today.

Proverbs 29:1 and the Warning Against Stiffening the Neck

It's not the definitive command or even a super clear principle, but as I studied this verse and compared it with my parenting, both my personal and professional parenting, I was struck with what I believe to be a very important observation.

Not too long ago, I was participating in a joint counseling session and I came upon Proverbs 29 .1, and it reads,. Let's consider carefully what God's communicating here. First, obviously, please note that the Hebrew word translated reproof can also be translated correct or punish.

This gives us an understanding of the type of discipline going on here. Second, the main admonition of the verse is actually being given to the individual receiving.

The reproof.

God wants us to understand that stiffening our necks when reproved leads only to brokenness, and not just any brokenness, but one so deep that we may be beyond healing. I can't help but think of Pharaoh.

Dear God, please protect our children from hearts that hard. But there's also, I believe, two takeaways for the reprovers as well. First, the verse presents the repeated reproof in a positive light. The language leaves us with the feeling that the frequent reproof should have led the person to change and growth, which is why daring to stiffen one's neck in such a situation would have had such painful consequences.

And the second observation for the reprover is that the reproof is not the cause of the stiff neck. Instead, like with Pharaoh and God, the individual being reproved chooses to stiffen his neck. The reproof is actually designed to soften hearts, but only a defiant act of self-willed rebellion can repeatedly harden a heart against Christ's honoring discipline.

Frequent Reproof Versus Heavy-Handed Discipline

Now, I believe those four points are clear and obvious from the text and probably aren't lost on any of us, but my fifth and final point is a little step away from the text. I want to be clear that what I'm about to say is biblically accurate, but it's also not stated in as many words.

Therefore, you can feel free to take it or leave it. However, I'd encourage you to listen hard before making the decision. I want to discuss the word often. The verse addresses he who is often reproved.

We've already observed that this frequent reproof should have been valuable, but I'd like to state that frequent reproof over a period of time has better chances of softening a heart than a few big reproofs.

Now, before I flesh this out, I do want to point out that discipline sometimes has to be stark and drastic and significant and painful. Again, I encourage you to listen to episode 74. We want to make certain our discipline fits the infraction, and occasionally the sinful behavior will require a more dramatic consequence.

This is the true much of the punishment God's had to give and do over the ages, and especially true of the end times. But this is not the type of parenting any of us want to do or I believe God's calling us to do the majority of the time.

Oftentimes, we parents find ourselves dishing out heavy-handed discipline because we haven't done a good job keeping a steady diet of discipline before our children. We get distracted and we miss a bunch of quote-unquote little sins that accumulate and our reproof comes when we've finally had enough of a certain behavior.

But this type of discipline sends all the wrong messages. Number one, it tells our children that sin is only wrong when it bothers mom and dad. Two, we teach our children that obedience is only necessary right before mom and dad lose it.

And three, we show our kids our hypocrisy. We may tell them to glorify God with their lives, but our infrequent reproof shows them that what we're really interested in is our own pleasure. That's why we only correct our kids when we feel like it.

Now imagine you're an immature, selfish child. When your authority is sending mixed messages, acting hypocritically, and is really only interested in you not getting in their way, how likely are you to want to receive that harsh reproof?

Again, please don't misunderstand. The child is responsible for their own actions, but we parents need to come to grips with the fact that we often tempt our children to fail. And in this situation, we actually take the moments that God created to be redemptive and make it easier for our children to harden their hearts.

Consistent, Christ-Honoring Discipline That Softens the Heart

Now consider the alternative. As an intentional, premeditated parent, you strive in the power of God to consistently stay on top of all sinful behavior, no matter how culturally small it may seem. You deliver just and gracious discipline that points your children to their ultimate authority, which is God.

Yes, there will be times when your children's choices will call for drastic consequences, but these heavy-handed times of discipline are built on a foundation of consistent, Christ-honoring parenting that really fits the category of often.

Now I've observed that when parents offer consistent, godly, and frequent reproof, their children are far more prone to respond with a soft heart and relaxed neck. And the children who don't respond correctly display a heart of rebellion so deep that it's no surprise their lives lead to ruin with no remedy.

And though this particular verse doesn't teach necessarily what I'm suggesting, just by implication of the word often, I'd like to challenge you to pursue the popular parenting passages. Read the examples set by godly parents and even study how God reproves His children.

I believe you'll find parents who provide much reproof, not little, is the more Christ-honoring approach. No one wants their children to harden their hearts, so let's work to make our homes a place where God can work to soften their hearts.

Let's strive to use discipline that softens instead of hardens. I hope today's episode notes are helpful for you. You can find the link in today's description. And in preparation for our one-year anniversary, we're going to study our theme verse on our next episode, so please join us on Friday for that.

And I hope you're ready to sign up for our first Truth, Love, Parenting course called 25 Days to Becoming a Premeditated Parent. It's an email-based program designed to help you grow as you help your children grow.

God has given you an awesome responsibility. You've been called to help your children be conformed to the image of God. So make certain that everything you do, including your discipline, challenges your kids and calls them to submit their hearts to Him.

Truth.

Love.

Parent.

Is part of the Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent. Join us next time as we search God's Word for the truth your family needs today.