TLP 74: Spare the Rod | Punishment Versus Correction

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My main goal today is not to convince someone to spank or to not spank their kids. My main goal is to help you premeditated parents out there understand that God has called you to discipline your children and help you understand what that looks like biblically.

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Welcome to Truth. Love. Parents. Where we use God's Word to become intentional premeditated parents.

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Here's your host, A .M. Brewster. Today we're taking a short break from our study into peaceful parenting.

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Peaceful parenting is not parenting that ignores the Bible's instruction concerning discipline. That would be foolish parenting.

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Peaceful parenting is being able to lead your family through even the most challenging difficulties with awe -inspiring soul rest.

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If you're anxious, angry, depressed, fearful, hopeless, or grieving over the pressures in your family, please listen to episodes 69 -63 and then join the final parts of the study next time on episode 75.

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I have been encouraged and emboldened and equipped as I've studied and presented this information and I believe as you submit to God's Word, you will experience the same peace even if the family's strife and pressures don't go away.

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But to today's topic in a minute. I'm extremely thankful to Michael who recently reviewed us on Facebook.

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He wrote, Sentiments like that thrill my heart.

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I'm so pleased we're making a difference and helping people. That's all we desire. We just want to please God and help families.

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So thank you, Michael. And I've also been told in passing that one of the things you enjoy about this show is the focus on Scripture and kind of the no -holds -barred approach.

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So it's with that same fervor I jump into today's discussion, which admittedly is controversial.

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No doubt there are people listening right now who are eager to hear me say one thing and others who want me to say the other.

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Well, Lord willing, I'll say only what God says in His Word. And that's why I thought it would be beneficial to talk a little about the foundational difference between punishment and correction.

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I'd like to start with a basic word study and then present a summary of the Bible's views on children and discipline.

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Alright, so punishment versus correction. Well, according to Merriam -Webster, the English word punish means to impose a penalty on for a fault, offense, or violation.

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Or a second definition is to inflict a penalty for the commission of an offense in retribution or retaliation.

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Please note that this concept is strictly meting out consequences for an infraction. Now, generally speaking, the

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Hebrew and Greek words most often translated punish in the Bible carry a similar meaning. A good example of this is 1

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Peter 2, 13 -14, which says, Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good.

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Now, however, Merriam -Webster defines correct as to make or set right, to amend as in to correct an error, to alter or adjust so as to bring to some standard or required condition.

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In the Greek, this particular word shows up in a very famous verse, 2 Timothy 3, 16 says,

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All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, and carries with it the meaning of restoration to an upright state and the improvement of character.

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Now, to be fair, these two words are used almost interchangeably in our daily communication, especially in English, and there was a little of that in ancient

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Hebrew and Greek as well, but I believe that's really a poor choice. It's true that language evolves, but I think it's very important for a

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Christian to say what he means and mean what he says as best as possible. God commands us to let our yays be yays and our nays be nays.

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See, punishment is action taken to hurt someone who's broken the law. Correction is designed to turn someone toward right because sin hurts.

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Let me say that again. Punishment is action taken to hurt someone who's broken the law. Correction is designed to turn someone toward right because sin hurts, and the differences are crucial.

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So, what is it? Do we have punishment on one side and correction on the other? I don't believe so.

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The Bible makes it clear that God's plan for our parenting involves a concept that includes both.

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Let's fill this concept out by looking at the Bible's view on disciplining children. First, of course, let's define discipline.

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It's important to note that the Greek word translated discipline includes both training through nurturing, but also chastisement.

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Chastisement may not be familiar to all of you. If you look it up, you'll see it's a synonym of punishment. In fact, oftentimes the word chastisement is used to talk about punishment that is pretty severe.

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See, the word discipline perfectly combines both the idea of punishment and correction. In fact, the punishment simply becomes a tool that the authority uses to correct.

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The punishment is not merely the end in itself. See, Hebrews tells us, For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.

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Proverbs 3, 11 -12 says, My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, or be weary of his reproof.

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For the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. Second, we have to come face to face with the fact that God does command discipline.

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Proverbs 19, 18 says, Discipline your son, for there is hope. Proverbs 23, 13 says,

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Do not withhold discipline from a child. Proverbs 29, 17 tells us, Discipline your son, and he will give you rest.

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And of course, Ephesians 6, 4 tells fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the

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Lord. Third, we need to understand that not only does God command that we discipline,

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He also models this discipline for us, as we saw in some of the verses earlier. I can't take the time right now, but from the fall of man to the end of the millennium,

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God has been actively disciplining His creation. And that discipline has been, and will be, extremely severe at times.

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But remember, the punishment He inflicts is designed to draw people to righteousness. Why will the tribulation period last seven years?

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God wants to give as many people as possible the opportunity to repent. He could immediately wipe everyone out, but He won't because His main desire is to draw people toward Him.

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There will come a time where discipline and correction will be over and all those who refused His free gift of salvation will enter into pure and eternal punishment, with no correction involved.

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But God is patient and gracious and would not that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

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Lastly, I want to see that God not only commands discipline and models discipline, but He also describes discipline.

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Proverbs 13 24 says, Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

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Proverbs 22 15, Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

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And Proverbs 23 13 through 15, Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with the rod, he will not die.

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If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from shale. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.

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Now, let me quickly address some hermeneutical issues here. Hermeneutics is how we interpret the

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Bible. The single best hermeneutic to use is, I believe, the normative hermeneutic that says that the text should be understood in the normal way.

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Now, some people will say that the book of Proverbs is the only book that specifically states that we should use a rod for our kids.

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And these same people often say the book of Proverbs is either just a collection of man's wisdom or that it's filled with generally truisms that don't always work and are therefore not requirements for Christians.

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But my friends, the book of Proverbs is not a substandard book. It is the

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Word of God. And the book of Proverbs is not merely filled with pithy, mostly true sentiments.

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It's the Word of God, and every proverb is accurate and viable. There will also be some who say that the rod represents the shepherd's crook, designed to gently guide sheep or pull them from destruction.

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But if we're honest with the Bible, that can't be logically argued. Again, Proverbs 23, 13 through 15 says, do not withhold discipline from a child.

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If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

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This is not a gentle prodding he's referring to here. And I also need to point out that the

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New Testament book of Hebrews, in chapter 12, verse 11 says, for the moment, all discipline, okay, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant.

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But later, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

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So whether it be spankings or groundings or whatever, discipline is inherently painful. Now allow me to finish with Hebrews 12, 5 through 11.

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And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the

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Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the ones He loves and chastises every son whom

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He receives. It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.

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For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

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Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the

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Father of spirits and live? The problem we face when disciplining our children is pretty straightforward.

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We err on one of two sides. There are those parents who hatefully and angrily punish their kids for daring to cross them.

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They hurt their kids too much. They do it in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. And there are those who cannot bring themselves to inflict any kind of pain on their children.

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They believe they have a better way of parenting than God does. And far too often, their children reap pain far beyond the little discipline

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God wanted for them. And listen, we have to be honest with ourselves. Both of these are wrong. Both are unbiblical.

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Both are sin. I regret that due to time considerations, I'm not able to address this concept more fully.

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It's not difficult, but I'm concerned that without dotting every I and crossing every T, someone out there is going to get the wrong impression.

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So allow me to close with this. Discipline is utilizing the two -pronged approach as follows.

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Number one, providing enough pain to remind the child that sin hurts.

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As we grow, the pain that sin inflicts is always worse than the disciplining parents are commanded to give.

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And please understand that I'm not saying you spank everyone all the time for everything. No, no.

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I've said before that we should always take the lowest intensity approach to every situation.

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Provide whatever correction is needed to teach the child that the behavior is wrong and that sin hurts and given the proper biblical motivation for doing right.

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If that doesn't work, at some point the parent will need to ramp up their approach and start working in consequences.

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And these consequences should be appropriate to the sin and should start small. So only after a child has maybe repeatedly and consciously chosen to rebel against the instruction or the nature of the sin is such that a more significant consequence needs to be employed, do we move into spanking.

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And spanking should always be age and size appropriate. A delicate pat on a diapered high knee is perfect for some, but a more aggressive approach will be needed for older kids.

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Listen, the Bible does not detail the degree, the amount of pressure, the number, or anything like that.

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It assumes that a Christ follower who loves God and His children will wisely and righteously only use the right forms of discipline at the right times.

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And biblically, that will involve spanking from time to time. And that transitions us to the second prong of discipline.

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The first prong is appropriate consequences and the second prong is correction. Love for our kids and God will curb our anger and surround our consequences in wisdom and kindness.

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Every time we discipline our children, we must correct, we must instruct, we must admonish, we must teach, we must train.

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We must communicate high biblical expectations and the worldview that achieves them through the power of the

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Spirit. That is biblical discipline. Now, as always, you may feel free to contact us and let us know what you think.

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Your comments and questions may cause me to dedicate more time to this concept in the future because of a potential misunderstanding, but I don't think it's necessary.

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If someone wants to know God's mind on the subject, it's all there. God commands it,

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He models it, and He defines it all throughout the entire Bible from Genesis to Revelation and countless times in between.

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If someone wrote a book that detailed every time God disciplined someone, why He did it, what

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He did, and how He did it, that book would be as big as the Bible. And those who want to disagree with Him will do so regardless of what

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I say. My main goal today is not to convince someone to spank or to not spank their kids.

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My main goal is to help you premeditated parents out there understand that God has called you to discipline your children, not merely punish them.

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He wants you to discipline your kids, not merely correct them. And if you swing too far to either side, you're not glorifying

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God in your parenting. Now please join us next time as we start to conclude our study in peaceful parenting.

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You're not going to want to miss this because it's going to teach us how to have overwhelming soul rest, right smack in the middle of our most difficult parenting challenges.

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As always, please don't hesitate to contact us at counselor at truthloveparent .com if you need some more guidance on how to put today's discussion into practice in your home.

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And remember, discipline is inherently painful. It has to be because God wants to show us that sin hurts and it's destructive.

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But God so wisely draws us to the reality that we should be thankful for discipline because it proves

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His love for us. Truth. Love. Parent. Is part of the

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Evermind Ministries family and is dedicated to helping you become an intentional premeditated parent.

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Join us next time as we search God's word for the truth your family needs today.